I have been transparent over the past 18 years, since I began my intriguing
website ministry in 2002. I love everyone with God's unconditional love. I
have been struggling emotionally since my chronic neck pain started in 2004,
my unwanted divorce and hellish $64,000 legal nightmare for years to follow,
two major neck surgeries in 2009-2010 which made me worse physically, a
$50,000 failed attempt to move back to the states in 2013, and cruel
rejection and ostracization by Harvest Baptist Church (HBC) on Guam since
2014. I could use everyone's prayers right now, as I am struggling to decide
where to move in the United States. I am confident that God is with me,
wherever I choose to move. If I cannot make a decision, then I will make a
decision! Lord willing I will turn 54 years old on March 5, 2021. I'd would
rather drop dead than live on Guam to see 2022.
Lord willing, I want to leave Guam as soon as I can determine where to relocate in the United States. I am open to suggestions from any web visitors concerning places to move. I am ready to leave now, I just am having a hard time choosing WHERE to move. I almost commit suicide in 2009, as did Ben Fieldhouse (a member of Harvest Baptist Church) in 2010, but God's grace saw me through. Ben's body was not found until 2012 at Ritidian Park Preserve on Guam. I have taken all my burdens, losses and heartaches and laid them at the feet of Jesus! I decided to LET GO, LET GOD a long time ago. One of my favorite Bible verses is Hebrews 12:2, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” I do not know what my future holds, but I am determined to keep preaching online, even if I end up homeless. Google's blogs are free! I need a church family. I am ready to move. This time I won't be coming back to Guam, even if it means becoming homeless. I won't become homeless unless I lose my disability for some reason. Things happen. By God's grace I plan to move very soon. In fact, I am packed up and about ready to go. I am leaving most of my stuff behind. The only thing keeping me from leaving next week is trying to decide where to go. As I mentioned a few months ago to my web visitors, I am considering Temple Baptist Church in Powell, Tennessee, right outside of Knoxville.
I am also considering the Southwest Baptist Church in Oklahoma City, which has a big bus ministry (21 buses). Their church openly recognizes hurting people who are “single again” (which means a lot that they acknowledge divorced people). The cost of housing is very affordable in OKC, which is important since I am on disability for my neck injury. I visited Pensacola, Florida for a couple weeks in 2018, which I enjoyed a lot. While there, I attended the First Baptist Church Of Pensacola. The church actually hosts dating events for singles in the church, which is what I need, help finding a wife. But the church uses the New International Version (NIV) of the Bible, which is disappointing. There are other Baptist churches in Pensacola. I know I'll never find a woman to marry on Guam, which is not my fault in any way. So I am also considering Pensacola, Florida, which also has a low cost of living. I am praying for God to help me decide where to move. I'd appreciate your prayers and advice if anybody has any suggestions. I humbly need all the help I can get. I don't deserve anything from God except eternal damnation, so I appreciate all the goodness from God in my life. One way or another, I know God will work things together for good (Romans 8:28). I want to move yesterday!
I have been also been looking at places to move in Virginia, around Roanoke, but the cost of living seems to be too high for me. I need affordable housing, and by God's grace I hope to purchase a home. I don't feel like I know what I am doing, but I am doing the best I know how to prepare to move. I am praying for God to help me. I don't know what else to do. Everybody, every step of the way, has their hand out for money when you are moving! Businesses really take advantage of people! Just a hotel and rent car add up to at least $1,000 per week! I cannot function under that tremendous amount of financial pressure, so I have to figure out a better way to do this. Once I decide where to move, I will try to secure a small rental apartment for about $600 a month, and buy a used car right away. That will eliminate a lot of expenses. Cargurus.com seems like a great way to find a vehicle, which I will use. I'll need to make a doctor's appointment in advance for my pain medications and disability. I seriously doubt if I'll find a doctor who will honor my present 80 mg a day of Oxycontin, but I have no other choice if I want to move. When I was attempting to relocate to Tennessee in 2013, the medical clinic told me no doctor will give me more than 60 mg a day. That's much better than nothing! Anyway, my brain is racked out trying to figure all this all out. So if anyone has any helpful advice to make my move easier, I welcome anyone's ideas. Two minds (or dozens) are better than one mind. Thank you in advance for any suggestions.
I will do my best to keep up with e-mails in the months to come, Lord willing. I have already been spending less time on social media, so I can prepare to move. We are living in unbelievable times of apostasy, indifference and lack of genuine love and concern for other people. Today's churches make God vomit! I am mostly packed up and ready to go! I am leaving most of my possessions behind. I would leave right now if I simply knew where to move. I would love to just buy a plane ticket and leave, and not take anything with me! But I cannot do that. I am taking my musical instruments and family memorabilia. When my former wife abandoned me, she left all of our wedding photos, artwork, handwritten notes we exchanged while married, invitations and marriage license. She has never asked for any of it. I still have it all, and don't think I could ever discard any of it, which to me would be sacrilegious. That shows the big difference between my x-wife and me. I care, she doesn't. I am not condemning her, but what I just said speaks 1,000 words. I sometimes wish I could also just throw everything into the garbage, and move on like nothing matters anymore, but I cannot do that! Dr. Hyles said that divorce is a sin that perpetuates for a lifetime. He was right! I get tired of being the only one who cares. Harvest Baptist Church on Guam and Bob Jones University don't care about the accuracy of the Gospel, nor do they care about the purity of God's inspired Word, nor do they care about hurting people like me. They just don't care!
My life has been very difficult since my neck pain began in 2004 and the divorce in 2006, and I don't want to continue living alone. The only reason I am not married is because I live on Guam. I could easily marry a 25 year old woman in the Philippines, but I don't want to marry into a different culture. I want to marry a white woman, respectfully said toward other ethnicities. I am not racist, I just want to marry my own ethnicity. But who knows what the future holds. The women I have reached out to at Harvest Baptist Church, were too immature and corrupted by a cult to recognize a good guy. Harvest is a cult according to Dr. Jack Hyles, because they try to control people. I offered to keep my opinions to myself, just so I could attend church services, but they refused. Since Pastor Marty Herron didn't feel comfortable with me around, he just pissed on me instead. I honestly feel like quitting and disappearing off the internet, but I would keep everything going just to preach against Bob Jones University for the rest of my life. What money-oriented, shallow, religious, phonies! Our country is going to Hell because of tolerance! It's about time that professed Christians stop tolerating evil. You can start by not tolerating the Devil's modern Bible revisions anymore! I have never tolerated them.
Respectfully said, when I needed and begged for Harvest's help and love, Pastor Marty Herron threw me under the bus between 2014 to 2018, simply because I am King James Bible only and reject Lordship Salvation. Today, Harvest won't have anything to do with me. Despite apologizing three times for any hurt feelings, and promising not to cause any trouble if they'd just let me attend church services in 2017, I was told to go elsewhere. There is a bitter hatred and contempt that exists among Bob Jones University graduates against Fundamentalists, as Dr. Jack Hyles testified himself. The following quote was made by Brother Hyles in 1989—the most difficult year of his 55 years of faithful soulwinning, people-loving, sin-fighting, homeless-helping, Christ honoring, incredible ministry. I love Dr. Hyles like an older brother. I have learned firsthand from my unfortunate fallout with HBC on Guam that Dr. Hyles was absolute right:
“There is a planned, plotted, plot, right now... This isn't over Jack Hyles—This is over Fundamentalism! These are Evangelicals fighting Fundamentalists! That's what it's all about. And their effort is to destroy Hyles-Anderson College! Over my dead body...” —Dr. Jack Hyles, a quote from the May 14, 1989 sermon, “Weathering The Storm!”
I have wanted to move back to the United States since shortly after moving to Guam in 2004. I heard Pastor Danny Castle mention in a sermon that everybody thinks they'd love to live in a tropical vacation destination, with sandy beaches and coconut palm trees. But after you get there, three days later you are bored and ready to leave. When I heard that, I laughed, because that is exactly how I felt a year after moving to Guam from Chicago in 2004. Guam is okay, but it's not my cup of tea. As a white man, I really want to live around white people. Guam is only 2% Caucasian (1 in 50 people). I love the island people, and they are so very friendly, some of the best people I've ever met; but I just feel like I don't belong here due to cultural differences. I have never adapted. I love everyone unconditionally, so it is not a race thing! I just desire to live around my own ethnicity, which is true of nearly everyone.
By the way, if you dear reader are looking for imperfections to criticize me, you will find MANY of them. I am just a struggling redeemed sinner trying to figure out God's will for my life. Pastor Hyles did a helpful Wednesday night Bible study, showing that of the 68 times the Apostle Paul changed his location in Acts, 51 of those times Paul had to make the decision for himself (MP3 Bible study). I have been praying for several years for God to show me what to do next in life, and where to move, but He hasn't answered. After I listened to Dr. Hyles' Bible study, I realized that God is leaving the decision where to move up to me. I know God is faithful (1st Corinthians 1:9). God is just (1st John 1:9). God is good (Psalms 136:1). God will never leave nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). God cares about me (1st Peter 5:7). God is always right (Job 9:3). God loves me (John 3:16). I am the one who's life is a mess. That is not God's fault.
I love musical instruments. God willing I am planning on buying a nice dobro after I move, since I already play steel guitar. Thankfully to the Lord, I made all these recordings so far this year. I have played pedal steel guitar since 1992, and lap steel guitar since 2007. My life has been stuck in a ditch since 2006 when my wife abandoned me. I still feel like a child lost in the woods, trying to find my way to safety. I am not blaming anyone, that is God's department alone (Genesis 50:20; Romans 12:19-21). But my life is what it is today. I have a sensation of physical burning throughout my nervous system all the time. I am used to it, but it afflicts me nonetheless. Sometimes I don't even realize it is irritating me, because I am so used to the discomfort that I forget about it, but the burning and neck pain, and tension, are still there all the time. That makes things more difficult for me. I have little patience. I get frustrated quickly. I am always knocking things over by accident. I dropped a plate of food yesterday onto the floor. The stray dogs ate good!
In
the photo to the right from 2018, I am sitting in one of my
favorite Restaurants on Guam, Lieng's. It is a Vietnamese restaurant.
This is where I lost all my weight in 2017 (eating a lot of salads and
vegetables). When I first came to Guam, I couldn't tell you the difference
between the different Asian cuisines, but now I can. I love see food (all
the food I see...lol). I will miss Lieng's! I always wear a colorful ukulele
lanyard as a reminder that God loves me, just like Joseph's coat of many
colors from his father. I hope to leave Guam very soon, but I don't want to
jump without having a place to land. I am curious what U.S. President Joe
Biden will do when in the White House in 2021, regarding dealing with the
pandemic. Will he lockdown the country?
Now is not the best time to move, but I don't think I can take much more of Guam. I miss the good ole United States! I loved it in Pensacola, Florida in 2018. If I feel overwhelmed, all I need is to call DeWitt movers and buy a plane ticket, and I'm gone in a week, Lord willing! I absolutely can't wait in anticipation of getting out of here! I have never felt at home on Guam. I only left Chicago in 2004 to escape the violent crime, skyrocketing taxes, and insane traffic! I made a good choice to leave Chicago, but Guam is a regret. I wish in hindsight I had moved my family to North Carolina. And I am considering moving there as well. I still have much research to do. I had considered Pastor Paul Chappell's church in Lancaster, California, which I would love to join, but housing is ridiculously high in California. So I am completely undecided at this point. I don't care about the geographical location. I miss the fall season in October, when the leaves are falling and the winter chill can be felt in the air. Living on Guam is like the movie Groundhog Day (one long boring day that repeats over and over). I'd love to live up north again, but northern Florida would be cool too. Honestly, I can't wait to move! God willing. Each place has pros and cons. Guam has mostly cons (in my humble opinion).
When I first moved to Guam in 2004, I heard ice-cream truck music. So I was looking for an ice-cream truck, like I had seen thousands of times in Chicago for 37 years. But when I saw an old beat up pickup-truck turn the corner, with an ice-chest in the back, I laughed. People who grew up on Guam love their home. But I am a city kid, having grown up in Chicago, so I miss many things about the big city. There is no place like Chicago for food! Chicago has everything you could ever want, but on Guam many things are lacking (good and bad). I have to order many things from Amazon.com. God willing, if I live to move to the states again, I am going to appreciate all the little things that I miss. One of my favorite activities in Chicago was buying a bag of walnuts to feed the squirrels in the park. There are no squirrels on Guam. Even Hawaii has squirrels! I think the truth is that regardless of where we choose to live, most of us desire a change of scenery after several years. People living in cloudy, gloomy, cold wintry places, dream of living in a place like Guam. But trust me, there is a tradeoff. When you move, you always gain something, and you always lose something.
The Coronavirus is making everything more difficult. I heard in the news the other day that 30-40 millions Americans may lose their homes by the end of 2020. I am happy just to have a dry roof over my head. Rough economic times are ahead for Americans, so I am taking things one day at a time. I have very little idea what I am doing. I feel overwhelmed with the whole thing concerning moving, but I am very determined to get out of Dodge a.s.a.p.! There is so much that needs to be done during a move, but I absolutely want to move. I have been praying each day for God's wisdom and strength. I wanted to leave in mid December, but it all depends on if I can settle on a place to move. I have to rely on what information is available on the internet. Better yet, maybe Jesus will come back! That would be awesome!!!
Not having a wife by my side is the main reason for my move. I cannot live this way anymore. I am distraught living alone. It affects me emotionally morning, noon and night. My life has felt upside down like the Poseidon ship ever since the divorce in 2006, suffering in loneliness without a companion day by day. Life is what happens to you while you're making big plans! Jesus is always with me, but I need someone to love and share my life with. My life has been empty for so long. The one church that could have made all the difference, Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, threw me under the bus and left me for dead in 2014. I begged them to please let me come back three times in 2017, but they cold-heartedly told me to go away. That is why I preach against them so much, because they define phony Christians, selfish attitudes, theological corruption, serving mammon, indifference and the reason why America is going to Hell. Perhaps God made all this happen (Philippians 2:13), so I could expose darkness and preach the light of the truth (1st Corinthians 11:19). I am tired of hearing Christian men testify that they wouldn't have made it over the years without a faithful wife by their side. Well, I haven't had anyone by my side, and I haven't been doing okay emotionally. Psalms 142:4, “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.”
I listen to a lot of Bible preaching to keep me going. I have heard umpteen godly preachers address the dire condition of our waning churches today...
“America's pulpits have become weak!” —Pastor Jeff Owens, sermon title: “Unloved Preachers”
“Pathetic comes to mind when considering the condition of so many of our independent Baptist churches across this nation. I don’t know, maybe that seems a little strong. Nope, I am sticking with it. PATHETIC!” —Pastor Bob Gray Sr., “Why Isn't It Working For You?”
“Have you ever been to a church, where they really didn't care if you were there or not?” —Pastor Charles Lawson, Jesus Walks Thru Walls, John 20:19”
I really love 95% of the preaching of Pastor Charles Lawson, but sadly he is an unsaved Calvinist. I am so sad that Pastor Lawson preaches Calvinism, because I love the guy! Pastor Lawson accuses Dr. Jack Hyles of leaving off repentance, which is the same as saying Jack Hyles went to Hell. I also agree with 95% of Dr. John MacArthur's preaching, but he is woefully wrong on repentance and the Gospel, which means he is not saved. It is not a small thing to pervert the truth of the Gospel. Somebody needs to contend for the faith, and call these damnable false prophets what they are: “devil-dog preachers”! Neo-evangelicals from the Bob Jones University crowd don't care, like Pastor Marty Herron and Dr. Steve Pettit, going along to get along with the Devil's false teachers!
Some dingleberry BJU graduate emailed me a couple days ago, accusing me of doing major damage to BJU by preaching against them, upset over my truthful article that I made BJU change their Statement of Faith on the Bible. I jumped for joy when I read that (literally) and it made my day, because if my preaching is getting to them, that means my Bible preaching is being effective. Pastor Jack Hyles called it: “The Battle Of The Ages” in 1994. Amen and amen! The oppossite of truth is not lies, it is indifference! Bob Jones University surpassed the point of indifference decades ago, now blatantly preaching a damnable false gospel of Lordship Salvation, and promoting the Devil's counterfeit Bibles.
I would greatly appreciate everyone's prayers, suggestions and patience in the months ahead, Lord willing. Even so, come, Lord Jesus! Thank you my dear friends.
