I am suffering in horrible pain. I ask for the continued prayers of those
who care. I wake up in the middle of the night with overwhelming pain in my
neck and limbs. The pain causes frequent nightmares. When I awake, the
nerves in my legs and arms are involuntarily twitching, I'm drenched in
sweat, and the right side of my body goes numb. I have to wait before I can
walk. Whether I lay on my right or left side, there is pain radiating in my
limbs.
The pain has intensified in my legs to where it is painful to walk. The pain radiates the entire length of my legs, running through the knees and into the feet. The pain is unbearable at times. Medications that deaden nerve pain have failed to help in the least. I've already had one neck surgery in July of 2009, cervical discectomy and spinal fusion at C5-C6-C7, but it didn't help in the least.
The photo to the right is an MRI snapshot from November of 2009. I don't know exactly what it means, but it's obvious that something is still pinching my spinal cord. I am trying to get to a neurosurgeon for consultation for hopeful surgery, but the process is taking so long. Nobody cares and I just have to wait. This is the evil world. To most people, it's just another day punching a clock at work and I'm stuck somewhere in the paperwork process. Every day seems like a month when you're suffering in merciless pain. Surgery may not even alleviate my pain and suffering. Only God knows.
I often have to stop what I am doing due to pain in my limbs. I survive on prescription Percocet, Morphine Sulfate, Soma and Ambien. I have declined numerous other prescription medications, because they make me sick. Enough is enough. As much as I hate medications, because they all attack the liver, I cannot survive without some of them due to the unbearable pain. The medications take the edge off, but don't remove the pain. They make me sleepy more than anything. The Ambien helps me get 3 to 4 hours sleep if fortunate. I often fall asleep while working on my ministry. I get more sleep in my chair than I do in my bed. This is the only way I can sleep.
I clutch my Bible to my chest as I sleep, begging God to see more through this dark valley. The Psalms are precious to me. John 16:33 is one of my favorite Scriptures, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” I know Jesus is preparing a place for me in Heaven (John 14:1-3). I am overwhelmed with physical pain and suffering. I have little social life, as it's difficult to even carry on a conversation due to the ripping muscle tension and pain in my neck. I have had this ailment for 6-years now, but it has progressively become worse. I am well acquainted with grief, suffering and much misery. Very few people understand.
When I pray, I ask God to place my ministry over myself. The saving of souls and changing of lives means more to me than my own self. I seek the things of Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:21). I only desire to win lost souls to Jesus as the Christ, and to help salvage my nation for God. Oh, how America has forsaken the holy God of the Bible. We are so undeserving of God's bountiful blessings upon our nation. Our nation has betrayed the very God Who has given to us our freedoms. I apologize to God for the wickedness of the United States. We have forgotten the precious God of the Bible.
We are a stiffnecked and arrogant people in America. I thank God for using me as a voice crying in cyberspace to reach others for God. Many hear, but do not hear; and see, but do not see. Satan has stolen away the Seed of God's Word from children in public schools. Luke 8:12, “Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the Devil, and taketh away the Word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.” Satan has blinded the minds of men, because of their wicked heart of unbelief (2nd Corinthians 4:4). Satan's ministers deceitfully appear as ministers of righteousness (2nd Corinthians 11:13-15).
Our churches are filled with greedy businessmen. A 501(c)3 state licensed organization is not a church; It's a business! The Christians in the Book of Acts had no church building. They were not a state-licensed business. They met in each other's homes. Biblical preaching has become a thing of the past in nearly all churches today. It's just a fact, apostate preaching equates to more money in the coffers. Oh, that men would seek the Lord!
I have committed my life to preaching the Gospel, contending for the Christian faith and helping the “least of these” (Matthew 25:40). There is nothing materialistic that I want in this life. Just give me Jesus! I do ask for your prayers; but most of all, that you do more soul-winning. May we all tell others about the righteousness of Jesus Christ (2nd Corinthians 5:21), by which we are all saved. Romans 4:5-6, “But to him that worketh not, but believeth on Him [Jesus Christ] that justifieth the ungodly [you and me], his faith is counted for righteousness. Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works.” Amen!
My faith in God is strong. Yet, my suffering is woeful and I dread waking up each morning because of the constant pain. I echo the words of the Apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” I want to be in Heaven with my Lord. Until then, God's grace will lead me home. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). God has used my suffering to humble me, give me great understanding and make the Scriptures more precious to me. Oh, how precious is God's Word to me! I love Jesus and thank God for His promises! I know this sorrowful life will soon be over and my pain will be no more, and God will give me an incorruptible body (1st Corinthians 15:52-54). What a day that will be!
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
