Abusive Husbands

"Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth." -Malachi 2:15

It is a sin for a husband to abuse his wife.  No man should ever physically abuse his wife.  Yes, it happens in many marriages, but it is a sin.  I have more respect for a drug-dealer than I do for a big husband who will hit a defenseless wife.  It is a wicked horrible sin!!!

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" -Ephesians 5:25

No man should ever mentally abuse his wife.  Far more husbands are guilty of mental abuse than physical abuse, but words can at times lead to actions.  A wise husband realizes that anger ALWAYS begins with WORDS, then the actions may or may not follow.  Why let the process start...no angry words!  Anger is one letter away from D-A-N-G-E-R.  A wise husband will frequently remind himself that life is too precious to spend the remainder of his life in prison for hurting or killing his wife.  No man in his right mind would ever want to hurt his wife, but anger is a relentless emotion that grips some men like cancer.  No matter how hard some men try to control their tempers, they just can't seem to get control of it.  Such men oftentimes end up in court before judges, others in prison.  It's not a trifle matter.  Your wife has every right to live under your roof without any fear of what you may do to hurt her.  Cool it!  Stand down!  Back off!  Relax!

Life can be frustrating at times.  It's frustrating when a man sees beautiful women at work or in the store and then comes home to his lackluster wife who's been stuck in the house all day cleaning and cooking.  It's just not fait to the wife.  I don't cook, its way too much work.  It takes me over an hour to cook anything.  By the time you find all the things you need, cook the food, eat, and then clean up the mess...hours have passed.  A lot of men don't realize just how much effort a wife puts into cooking a meal.  The the husband goes ballistic because he finds a piece of hair in his meal.  So what!  Trust me fellas, it's just not worth it.  Don't risk losing your marriage over stupid little things like a loaf of bread being left unwrapped.  You'd be surprised how many husbands have snapped and gone to prison over some stupid little trifle thing the wife did.  Why?  because the emotions, stress, and angry feelings often build up over the years. 

The wise husband let's go...he decides that he's not going to complain about such things anymore.   You'd be better off letting go of all the little things that bother you, than losing your wife when she goes out the door for months.   Try to eliminate potential arguments.  Let your wife do things her way.  Hey, go to McDonalds, or for that matter for a steak.  It's not worth it.  Don't pressure your wife to do her duties if it's already been years and she just won't do it.  Of course, some things you'll need to help her with or make mention of, but don't complain about everything.  It's very easy for husbands (especially Christian husbands who generally have more submissive wives) to be abusive.  Listen guys, don't kiss a gift horse in the mouth (remember the Trojan horse story).  If you have a submissive wife, then love and appreciate her before you drive her into a state of clinical depression).  Give her room to make mistakes.  You wife is human and does have a right to have faults you know.  She has a right to have problem areas in her character, just like you do.  So often, husbands expect their wives to be perfect, but they're not.  We must allow our wives some understanding and sanctuary for their faults.  If you're a control freak or a bully, then you will end up alone or divorced one day.

People change.  I've known married couples to get divorced that I never imagined would have divorced.  This is why it's even more important for you fellas to RESPECT your wives.  It's all about respect.  Your wife may have put up with you for the last 15 or 20 years, and then one day your receiving a summons from the local sheriff to appear in court for a divorce.  Don't think your wife would ever divorce you?  Listen to what my old pastor said years ago, "Anyone will do anything under the right circumstances."  Believe me, time changes people.  Christianity is NOT measured in months or even years, but in decades.  I'll know what kind of Christian you are in 10 or 20 years from now.  Oh listen you husbands, love your wives.  I knew a man who told his wife that he loved her every morning, but would blow up at her nearly every day when he was about to go to work.  He hated his work, but had a good paying career.  He was pressured to leave for work and frustrated that he had to be there, so anything his wife did to aggravate him set him off in rage.  Then he'd call her from work to see if she was still there at home (or if she had left him).  What a way to live huh?  The husband eventually realized that leaving for work 30 minutes early every day took much of that pressure off of his shoulders.  He would read or grab a soda.   You see, there's ways around problems. 

If you're wife can't keep up with the house, then pay your kids to clean it.  It doesn't have to be a lot of money, but it's better than fighting with the wife.   If your wife loses the mail, then get a P.O. box and you check it yourself (or build a big wooden mailbox with a lock at the house).  Whatever her problem area is, help her.  Think!  The bottom line is that God hates spousal abuse.   If your wife doesn't get out much, then you watch the kids for awhile and let her get out.  I knew a woman who spent so much time at home with the children that she lost her motor skills (her ability to talk and converse with other adults).  She became as a little child herself and was a nervous wreck around her husband.  He was busy working and burning the candle at both ends going to school, he had no idea what was happening to his wife.  Years later, their marriage was on the rocks with serious problems.  The wife ended up seeing multiple psychiatrist for sedatives and help.  Listen men, you are responsible for your wife's well-being.  She needs to get out of the house every day for a few hours (and a couple days a week for several hours).  Anyone would go nuts being stuck in a house with a bunch of babies all the time.  I know it's not easy, but it's our job to figure out ideas to make things work.

Learn to analyze the situation and come up with practical solutions.  EVERY marriage can eliminate many of it's problems by implementing practical solutions.  It's up to the husband to think up the solutions.  For example: If your wife is having a hard time keeping up with the dishes, then buy paper plates and utensils.  If your wife continually loses her key, then have her tie it to her shoe lace or wear it on a necklace.  If your wife likes to talk on the phone, then buy a cell phone for you to reach her.  I am a firm believer in practical solutions and communication in a marriage.  There is no reason to argue and fight.  Every argument should be followed in the days to come be an analysis of what caused the argument and how to prevent it from happening again.  If you are being abusive towards your wife, it's because you either don't love her or you're stressed out.  If you're stressed out, some of the tips on this page should help you a lot.  If you don't love her, then get right with God and start loving her at least as a person for whom Jesus Christ died for.  She has a right to be treated with respect.  Remember, anyone can live with anybody if they can learn to be a nobody.

"Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." -Colossians 3:19