I'm getting video right now I'm up in my
attic right now in the Attic the house
I'm getting beaten regularly I stay away
from my family for the most part and I
basically have no interaction with those
people after the pass like several years
of physical assault from much larger
people especially my older brother I
mean he's a very large man compared to
me he's beating me and most recently it
was my birthday this year so I just stay
the hell away from him it's really warm
up here because it's July now and
there's no ventilation in the house to
begin with so these people do not
believe in investing in central air or
air conditioning they have an air
conditioning type of unit in their
living room I have an air conditioning
unit in my bedroom that broke years ago
now at this point they will not replace
it I have to work with a basically I
have a stand-up fan that blows on
full-blast on me or I sleep in that room
my mom enters that room anytime she's
angry about anything in her life which
is ridiculous because she has nothing to
be anger about she's a she's an
accountant who has a normal upper
minimum like wish I say I was at a bar
earlier drinking two dollar beers
slightly I was enjoying a few beers
tonight so I'm venting right now all I'm
back home it's only reason I got to the
bars was because my dad drove drove me
there chopped me off I called him and he
back up a few hours later I've been
drinking two dollar beers the cheapest
they have in any of these local bars and
dressed like this which I invest a lot
in that I'm trying to stay focused on
the subject basically my mom is an
upper-middle class woman upper-class
really she's basically not even no class
she makes plenty of money I guess she
doesn't tell me how much money she makes
but she refuses to actually pay me
minimum wage at any point she has me
paid through my dad who I mean he lives
here with us and he pays me some minimum
of what you can pay anybody for cleaning
a house for cleaning laundry and
meanwhile I'm in women's clothing and
these people chastised me for it
essentially they go crazy at me for
wearing women's clothing I've been doing
it since I've been wearing women's
clothing and makeup especially since I
was a teenager
like I've been a very glamorous minded
person for that long I've been beat down
for it regularly I whether it was
physical beatings or verbal beatings
like that I've been harassed and beat
down to you know anything that was
glamorous within me was torn down
verbally or physically by my family one
way or the other
my parents are a staunch example people
who tear down my self belief in my
femininity and how that's inadequate and
how it's wrong or how it's such a fake
thing it doesn't matter to them at all
part of it as because I've dated women
in my life so they think it's terrible
it's awful right now I'm I feel like I'm
mice
sweat is increasing just because I'm
expressing myself and I don't want to be
too loud up here so this video is gonna
be short but I'm just I don't want to
sweat too much up here I'm gonna nice
dress I'm trying to go through the new
motion of venting a little bit about
what's going on in my life there's a lot
of thoughts I have I'm trying to
minimalize a little bit here with what's
significant to me and what's going on I
have no idea what's going on because I
lost yesterday police officer came to
the house to check on me I have no idea
why there was never an explanation for
why they came to check on me and it
probably I'm trying to be a little bit
quieter because I don't want to be too
loud I'm in the attic and down the
stairs below me you know are people in
the house sleeping and lovable home is
where my older brother is probably being
really raucous and loud and obnoxious
he's the guy who really beats me a lot
now so I'm trying to be like not even
I'm trying to calm myself down a little
bit to talk basically in this
environment where I live my parents
condone violence in order to make me
more manly in their environment I don't
fit any cliche in their mind about
masculinity or femininity if there was
even that start it would be not so
terrible if they thought one way or the
other
they don't think one way or the other
all they think is that I'm a problem in
their environment you know like I don't
know how to put it any other way I'm one
of those people that are transgender but
I don't really fit any category of what
transgender means I just essentially
love women's fashion I was not born
biologically this way as far as my mind
is concerned I much more relate to
women's fashion and generally speaking
when sensibilities and things I it's not
to say that I dissociate with
men's mentalities here and there i
embrace both sides of the spectrum on
that and that's very difficult to
explain to people such as my family all
these people are very uptight about the
subject so I'm trying not to go on all
about because I'm sweating up here as it
is there's no AC up here I had a fan on
here yesterday like I had a fan up here
but um it only had so much whatever the
word is like it only had so much fan
power and to keep me cool up here
yesterday so I took it back down to my
bedroom it's not as warm in my bedroom
normally so I thought I could sleep a
few days without a fan in my room
because there's no working a/c in my
room well yesterday I figured out it's
way too hot so I took the fan that I had
up here where it's normally way hot
considering it's the attic and attics
are much more there though there's less
what's the word generally speaking
they're less insulated I think it's the
right word yeah I think there's less
insulation there's no insulation not
ignore maligne there may be some up here
oh gosh and there's a lot of fashion
stuff up here so I'm trying to like get
this video over with I don't want to
like make this about my fashion at all
I'm really just trying to make this
about what's going on in my household
I'm trying to get out of here and it's
at the pan yes honestly if I'm being
honest that's difficult my older brother
is very violent and he hasn't stopped
being violence so I stay away from him
he is so unstable anytime he's around me
that I just stay either in my room or I
come up here where things are way too
warm
in the summertime obviously it's it's
been summer now like as far as the
summertime weather it's been like that
for like a month or a month and a half
or it's way too cold it up here to in
the winter that I I'm always either up
here or in my bedroom the only times I
leave either room is to work for my
parents who will not pay me a minimum
wage so I'm just ranting at this point I
I'm afraid of getting a video here
that's too long because I don't want to
get too much footage of me just ranting
I'm really thing is I just showered like
not even a couple hours ago maybe and
maybe a couple hours ago or so like I
showered and before I went out to the
bar so right before I got to like got
dropped off at the bar I took a quick
shower or somewhat quick anyway as I'm
sweating in this house
and I and I'm trying to trying not to
sweat too much in my dress that I wore
out to to the bars so I can't keep a
trans lot right now because I'm so
traumatized by everything going on in my
home environment it's normal and my
family for beatings to occur it's normal
that in itself regardless of what reason
they're making beatings okay or not okay
it's okay in our family and that's
what's wrong I don't know how to put it
I don't like that beatings are wrong
like or that it's accepted I don't like
that beings happen to anybody
beings happening it's a problem in the
fact that they are wrong and that people
are basically ignoring them direct
family is definitely wearing them much
of my family in general
nor is it contextually because I'm in a
dress I think that's the main reason
I'm getting beat down it's family
members being really violent to me and
I'm trying to get out of this situation
I can barely afford things I mean I'm
going to turn my camera over to
basically some of the stuff around me in
the room this is how the Attic is my
house because I have various mannequins
that I I made myself from pillowcases
and I took styrofoam or just whatever I
could afford mannequin heads I found on
discount I taped them all together to
use as mannequins it's it's way too
expensive to use like the resin you know
plastic card I guess so I find that I
can and I put dresses on them and I
guess I'll turn the camera around a few
times to show what's so it's a little
bit of a mess up here but a lot of this
is high-fashion I mean a lot of it is
anyway anything I could find that I
thought it was really nice fashion I
invested in in the past couple years the
only way I managed to do so was by
starving on my very low income it's not
minimum wage it's years of living on one
meal a day I've been living on that for
a longer than what i even started
investing it was at the point that I
realized that I had to invest in
something that I believed in for myself
I couldn't just go into a minimum-wage
job and get myself out of the situation
when it comes to finances it comes to a
situation where I don't own a car and my
driving situations like weird but not
too weird it's this simple situation
it's just the fact that I cannot just
get out of situation especially with
psoriasis it's such a mess
that I have to just basically explain
everything certainly and certain way I
guess I don't know there's so much of a
mess my family I'm trying not
a little bit self-conscious I don't want
to talk too loudly because it's possible
that my family hears me I don't know
what to do in that situation yesterday
someone came to the house a police
officer came to the house they said
there there were two people who
basically expressed concern for my
health and I'm still not sure who those
remarks they did not clarify some
confused as to who those people could be
and now I'm thinking more about it I
don't know very many people who know my
address and stuff so much or what if it
be in that situation the only view that
come to mind when I'm thinking about
people who are that concerned about me
the only people I can think of for sure
are probably the very people I'm posting
a lot of these recent videos to watch
are just Sina Rishi who I met in March I
met her in March I gave her all my
information most of us about my business
aspirations but I gave her details about
my whole life situation I'm trying to
get out of I didn't detail too much but
it seems to me that she observes it on
my social media so I'm trying to invest
with that but they said to Pillar reach
out to me her they said the two people
are observing and trying to help out and
they didn't specify who well my main
thought is it could be Christian or
Asian it could be the assistant and dr.
Phil both of them reached out like last
month so I'm trying my best and I don't
know what to do so I'm just like getting
video of this talk about it