/v/ - > Live within the 21 state Holy Gamer's Empire of

Anonymous
06/16/13(Sun)11:05 No.195111174

File: 1371395129440.jpg-(35 KB, 620x350, _-WTF-Mountain-Dew-and-Doritos-Team(...).jpg)

Anonymous 06/16/13(Sun)11:05 No.195111174

Replies: >>195112020 >>195112260

> Live within the 21 state Holy Gamer's Empire of Xbone
> Come home from a long day at the Dorito packaging plant
> Use the Kinect monitoring device to authorize my identity and make sure I'm licensed to enter my house
> Family is around the kitchen table, eating Dorito's around a communal bowl of Dew, they greet me warmly
> "Long Live the Glory of the Gamer's Empire of Xbone" I speak the holy words as my mother dips her finger in the bowl of Dew and draws the Holy Dorito Trinity on my forehead.
> "I'm gonna go to my room alright?" I say, they insist I stay and eat, it's Cool Ranch night, your favorite they say, tell them I'm not hungry, they look at me suspiciously but let me go.
> I go up to my room, lock the door, close the blinds, and bring out my PS4 from under the bed, the nervous thrill of playing a Playstation in the boundaries of the Xbone Empire fills me from head to toe, it is a crime punishable by death.
> Have to play offline because the internet is constantly monitored for console violations, fortunately the PS4 is capable of this, I whisper a prayer to Jack Tretton for letting this happen
> Suddenly someone's banging on my door, it's the XX, the secret Xbone police. My mother is hysterical and crying "I'm so sorry honey, I had to tell them, they promised they would be merciful"
> they pull a bag over my head, beat me senseless. I wake up in some strange facility with pure white walls, tied to a chair

Anonymous
06/16/13(Sun)11:05 No.195111223

Anonymous 06/16/13(Sun)11:05 No.195111223

Replies: >>195111774 >>195112260 >>195114746

> Don Mattrick is sitting across from me, grinning, "did you think we didn't know? If you wanted to play offline you should have played the 360. That's what it's for." he starts laughing maniacally, "by 2015 we will have expanded our 21 state empire, and from there the world. There will be no place for you... Sonyggers" he utters the with abject disgust.
> "Xbox, on" he commands. The white wall fades into clear glass. Smart glass. On the other side my family is strapped to gurneys.
> "Xbox, dewboard the infidels" suddenly and autonomously robotic arms cover their faces with rags, forcing their heads back. A deluge of Mountain Dew is poured over them, waterboarding them over and over, a different flavor of Dew every time.
> Don Mattrick's nostrils flare, his breathing becomes erratic, his arousal is plain to see, he's enjoying this scene on a sexual level
> "We're merciful here in the Empire, they'll live, but they're banned from Xbox Live, and forfeit their game licenses. All of them"
> My fate is not so merciful, I am forced down a dark passage into suddenly bright light, a mass of people are cheering for my blood, splashing themselves with dew. Xbox executives are throwing handfuls of Dorito's into the mad crowd, others are hosing them down in Code Red, painting the scene in a morbid crimson color
> They force my head down into the Dirototine, a huge razor sharp Dorito poised to decapitate me
> The last thing I see is Don's shit-eating grin and he squats down, grabs me by my hair so we're looking at one another and he spits in my head. I can feel the spittle of Nacho Cheese in his saliva, and then it's over.