Every level is a timed underwater escort mission.

>valve in charge of release date

>STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
>telepathic AI

>capcom in charge of porting it to PC

every enemy has a range just slightly longer than yours.
They will always spot you first before anything.

>>130909262

no,

>capcom giving that job to a third party (ubisoft) which in turn gives it to ANOTHER no-name third party (sourcenext)

Capcom making their own pc ports actually always turned out well. See: resident evil 3, resident evil 5, devil may cry 4, lost planet 1 & 2

anyway,

>capcom teaming up with EA to be in charge of DLC

the game is constantly flashing in a way that would induce seizures, the sound is nails scratching against a chalkboard combined with babies crying as they watch their mothers getting killed in front of them

plot consists of 10 strong women who dont need a man to help them constantly screaming at the character you're playing, who is a furry transgender 12 year old whose only mission in life is to get revenge on your shadow self who killed your parents.

gameplay has keys randomly mapped to different character movements at different intervals, so after you get used to how to move the character with one configuration it switches to another random one

you have to keep track of 100 different bars that monitor different safety levels (proper air, proper sanity, proper distance from all of your companions, proper standing position, hydration levels, hunger levels). you are timed, underwater, escorting all 10 of your companions, and have to make dialogue choices. after 10 seconds of gameplay there is a minute long cutscene with 0-20 QTEs.

if you beat the final boss the game creates a virus onto your computer which becomes the "true final boss"

DLC on day one

Lets see fingerless glove meter check
o2 meter check
piss meter check
blink meter check
step meter check.
chip from sonic unleashed check

A game with gameplay targeting CoD's audience, writing targeting Twilight's audience, and the soundtrack is all wubstep.

>>130909760

isn't it mass effect 3

>>130909760
Wow, it's just like the new Syndicate!

>Kotick himself in charge of marketing
>Straight sex is DLC
>Hamburger Helper in charge of story
>Sakurai in charge of doing work on time
>Sony in charge of originality
>Best graphics"
>Cookie cutter soundtrack
>Brown and bloom
>Western art style with overly slutty looking, trying too hard women
>Game is "accessible"

Let's get this over with:

>Hamburger helper in charge of story.

>Stealth game
>One guy sees you and is aware of were you are
>All of the guys know where you are

>>130909867

>kotick in charge of marketing

what's wrong with that, oh I see, it will be so well marketed that everyone will buy it and be dissapointed at how shitty it turns out to be

>>130910090

many games had that "bug" or problem and ended up being great games. Adding up one enemy every 10m well... that could be... interesting

>Jennifer Helper lead writer
>Blizzard in charge of Graphics and Art design
>Skrillex and Nickelback in charge of soundtrack
>Bethesda in charge of animations, voice acting and game engine
>Obsidian in charge of bug testing
>Valve in charge of release date
>Interplay in charge of finances and production
>EA in charge of DLC and PC distribution
>John Romero in charge of marketing
>Infinity Ward in charge of gameplay innovation

any character from Katawa Shoujo.

>>130910462
>John Romero in charge of marketing
COMING SOON: EA STUDIOS IS GOING TO MAKE YOU THEIR BITCH

>>130910462
>Ubisoft in charge of DRM

>>130910462
>That picture

>>130910585
this

>>130910654

swap EA and ubisoft with the DLC and DRM tho

>>130908782
>Sega in charge of porting to PS3
That Bayonetta port was just fucking lazy and was the only thing keeping it from being a perfect example of a hack/slash.

>>130910654
That truly is the worst game in existence.

>10 minute un-skippable cutscenes before impossible bosses
>During every escort mission, the person you're escorting will try to kill hinself several times and can only be stopped by 0.1 sec QTE
>If you fast travel you have to sit and watch your character walk there
>Options only change sound
>A new button pauses cutscenes every time

>>130908896
That sounds terrible.
This would be the next Super Man 64.

This is the UI

>>130910654
as a side note I made this quite a while ago, and since then worse things have happened to video games than what's on the box right now. I could update it, but it's a single picture on a fuckhuge image board, and I'm lazy anyway

>Ocean Marketing in charge of... marketing.

>>130909847
it had a good battle system
come on, everyone flame me

>>130910848
STOP WITH THAT SHIT THE FUCKING PATCH MADE IT PLAYABLE!

>>130911073

ITS MARKETTING

I WWEBSITE AS ON THE INTERNET A LOT, ITS MARKETTING

>>130911163
There's still horrible framerate issues with cutscenes and sometimes in the game. It's stupid when there are Xfags retarded enough to think it's because of the hardware that the game turned out the way it did.

Dragon Age 2.

>>130909847
>light yagami.jpg

>Activision in charge of DLC.
>Rockstar in charge of PC ports.

>>130911339
>It's stupid when there are Xfags retarded enough to think it's because of the hardware that the game turned out the way it did.
except it was. 360 is better because its easier to program for.

>>130911419
>>130911419
>>130911419
>>130911419
>>130911419

This.

>Terraria team in charge of marketing

>>130910654
>voices by
>doctor weird
goddamn it, I spit coke on my keyboard

Every single gameplay element is DLC

>>130910654
Why WOULDN'T I want to play a game with a character in game that sounds like Dr. Weird?

>It costs $20 a month just to play online
>You can buy cash shop items for $15 each that only last 2 weeks
>Includes Double XP, Double Damage, Mega-Shield, X-Ray vision, Super Scope, Super Speed, and an assortment of silly hats
>The only way you can win is to pay money

Day 1 DLC - but here's the catch

It's critical to the main plot of the game - you can't progress or continue unless you get the DLC

the dlc is broken up into multiple parts, all costing $10 each

the entire DLC package just to get the full game is $200.

Also, always on DRM, you have to be online at all times in order to play the game. Additionally, for every 15 minutes you play your game freezes and you get a pop up reminding you to purchase the DLC. After you've purchased it all, it still happens, but this time it flashes "THANK YOU" while playing some 8-bit song and has balloons and confetti; this goes on for 20 minutes.

>Mojang in charge of graphics

voice overs by gilbert gottfried.

>>130911618
If PS3 is so hard to program for, then riddle me this:

a) Why are there 745 other games that work just fine with no issues?
b) Why did PS2 have more games despite being even harder to program for than PS3?
c) Why has Sega been in Microsoft-cocksucking mode since Dreamcast?

>>130912109

>Every male/female character is voiced by Gilbert Gottfried
>There is a sex scene

Someone make this game

>>130912307
Just imagine him trying to whisper some hepler romance lines to a love interest.

>>130910462
>/v/ in charge of giving me shameful fetishes

I will make this game. I swear to god, I'll be back in about a month with a fucking Alpha.

>>130912115
How do any of those points dispell the fact the PS3 is a lot harder to program for than the 360.

I'm not the guy, but dude. It's common knowledge. It costs more and takes longer to get things looking as good on PS3 as they do on 360. And if you're not willing to spend that time and money, your game just might look a bit more pooish.

Level design must be done by Monolith.

nintendo in charge of new ips

>>130912909
any worthwhile game is going to be programmed in C or C++

the only differences in programming for the ps3 or the xbox will be limits on memory allocation and other mostly arbitrary restrictions. Honestly, you know the hardest current gen console to program for? Motherfucking nintendo DS

>dual screen
>touch screen
>microphone
>full color
>real time physics if necessary
>4kb of memory to use to accomplish ALL of this

Arenanet, Blizzard and Valve team up to decide the release date.

>>130913516
>the team was never heard from again

>>130913516

And DICE are in charge of putting out patches on a regular basis

Molyneux in charge of press conferences.

Underwater cowwadoody with unskippable cutscenes.

Create a game where there are 3 factions. Make one of them far more difficult to play as. As a result is less popular.

Only listen to the majority of complaints.

Call the game balanced.

DLC before the game is released
1 hour campaign
$15 for a new map
no patches from the developers
new version for the game is released 3 months later

>>130913781
I think that cutscenes should be unskippable, but only on the first playthrough.

>>130913781
>Bioshock 2 multiplayer

>>130914194
no
cutscenes are not skippable, ever

Sims from the sims point of view
$30000 price tag
$800 DLC every 2 days that is absolutely necessary to play
Failure to meet these payments = prison/death

>Activision in charge of pricing
>EA
>Bioware

and thus i created gaming small pox

Make a classic series that borderlines genius and craptacular.

Introduce a very unpopular, winy, homosexual character.

Make him the main protagonist with his own spin off.

It's Half-Life 3, but the DRM is you have to cut your dick off and put it in your disc tray for it to work.