We've seen this before.

Nothing. No winning. Unless there are lots of Vampire film mades with better Vampires.

I ran out of Twilight rage a year ago.

>>9634117

>What do we do to bring back the evil, blood sucking, demonic forces of darkness that vampires were?

We don't. Vampires aren't relevant horror icons anymore, as evidenced by movies/books like Twilight and shows/books like True Blood. We have to move on.

>>9634132
Have you actually read any of these? It's not just Twilight rage, it's a "God I wish the Tau were real so they can castrate these fucks"

"Today it snowed and since the sun was shining I went outside to play in it. Suddenly I realized that the snow glitters in the sun light, is very white, and is cold to the touch. Snow is like Edward Cullen. I was very excited by this. MLIT"

>>9634231
>Have you actually read any of these?
No, I honest have better things to do with my time. Like... well, anything.

>>9634117
Personally i found Hellsing/Alacard faggotry massivly worse the twilight crap.

>>9634266
Of course he is. He's every bit as Mary Sue as Edward. Only reason I watched the OVA's was Rip Van Winkel.

I have pretty limited knowledge of the whole twilight thing and I'm going entirely on hearsay, but it seems to me that while the whole no weakness vampire pretty boy thing is pretty stupid, the chick really seems like the truly infuriating element
I don't really see the big deal that someone's idea of a fictional monster is different. It's not like there's really a "correct" version
>>9634266
I've only seen the original anime and the OVA's, but I think you're probably right. The shit he does is far above and beyond your typical vampire stuff. Actually is he even a vampire? He seems more like some sort of super-demon thing
>>9634277
More of a dues ex machina than anything else. Whenever some bad guy get's somewhere it seems like it ends when they realize that "he's actually been stronger all along!"

For those that don't get it.
Alucard is not a character but a plot device...

>>9634340
Bitches don't know about high level Vicissitude.

>>9634340
err deus ex machina I mean
Also gets not get's, but whatever. I'm probably the only one who cares

I'd bitch about how most people see vampires aren't how vampires were originally and it's all down to the way things evolve with media but I can't be fucking arsed.

However, the way some people idolize twilight is a tad creepy, especially what with all that physical violence.

>>9634340
Hellsing is better if only because the author doesn't make me turn into a ball of rage.

A vampire ain't got no humanity. They're flesh eating monsters not of this world and they need to be destroyed.

if you read that in Brad Pitt's voice, you just lost the game.

what I want to see more of in vampire fiction is vampirism being bad. the way most of it is now, there's no fucking reason to angst about being a vampire.

>>9634529
So... more like vampires were in the Preacher comics?

DID SOME ONE SAY AQUA VAMPIRE BULLETS?

>>9634536
I always liked that preacher's vamps had no fangs it makes the whole blood drinking thing a lot more horrific if they have to rip your throat out to get blood.

>>9634559
That was good.

Also the way he actually caught fire. As well as the bad side to immortality that fucked him over a fair bit.

Twilight.. well.. heh. Some of the complaints I've read are most amusing. Like the girl who thought 'The Wolfman' was a ripoff of Twilight. Or the girl who thought a book on the holocaust called 'Twilight' was a terrible ripoff, and then when she found out they had nothing to do couldn't fathom why anyone would read anything on the holocaust. Or watching what it does to my female co-workers. Is fucking bizarre.

>>9634559

Interesting, so Preacher vamps are fangless like Twilight ones?

>>9634340
It's 'in fashion' to have long hair (Read: Look like a beatles reject) and be 'effete'. I was most disappointed to find out all my hours in the gym were wasted because I, like, totally didn't have the look that was in right now. Then I realised that american women are stupid whores and kept working out until I finished my exchange month. Australian women are smarter.

But not by much.

Best kind of vampire or bestest?

>>9634529
BUT MY SOUL! MORMONISM SAID IT'S BAD AND POPULAR FICTION SAYS I AM DAMNED EVEN THOUGH THERE IS ACTUALLY NOTHING ABOUT IT ASIDE FROM CAINE BEING DAMNED HIIHIHIHIHI OH SPARKLY EDWARD-KUUUN SO DREAMY.

Please, excuse me. I've hit a critical mass of stupid, and need to go bleed some off. I'll write a letter to the editor.

>>9634608
No fangs but they still feed on blood which involve ripping peoples throats out.
Also twilight vamps have fangs i should know i read that book and now when i look at strippers i can feel only rage.

>>9634630
At least they're stronger. All the weak ones will have been culled by the wildlife you have down there.

>>9634649
>>9634649
Orlokk was here.

>>9634656
Although the main vampire doesn't tend to eat human blood. He likes a nice steak, cooked rare.

Doesn't matter where you get the blood, apparently. Also human blood tastes bad, as you can imagine.

>>9634680
Cassedy would still drink human blood he would just make sure the person was a dick or was trying to kill him before he would rip their throat out.

>>9634630
I don't see what this has to do with anything

>>9634705
He didn't like the blood though.

But yes, he would kill dicks. Or people who stab him in the eye.

>>9634656
Yeah... no. Twilight vamps lack fangs too, and pretty much all the vamps besides Cullen feed by gnawing their way into you. Edward's little group don't feed on humans (SPOILER: EXCEPT THROUGH THE UTERUS)

>>9634735
YOUR SPOILER

IT MAKES ME CRY

>>9634735
Ok fine they don't have fangs per say but their teeth are described as sharper than shark teeth and i count that.

>>9634117

>yesterday i had 10 friends sleep over at my house while we had a new moon cake, new moon prizes- clocks, bags, jewelry, cloths, all new moon- we had new moon games, and dressed up when we went at midnight to get the movie. BEST NEW MOON PARTY EVER!!! MLIT

I hate everything. Forever.

>>9634759
Sharper than shark teeth?
What the dick, seriously...

We need a new Legacy of Kain game.

>fall asleep watching Bram Stoker's Dracula on AMC last night
>happy
>wake up
>see this thread
>tears

>>9634796
Bram Stoker's Dracula wasn't amazing. I'm not a fan of the aristocratic type vampire, personally.

>>9634735
>EXCEPT THROUGH THE UTERUS
lolwut?

You mean he literally fucks the blood out of bitches?

>>9634792
Didn't one of the major voice actors die?

>>9634792
atleast the first one.

spinning dual axes and drinking the blood splatter.

>>9634792
Agreeed

>>9634769
That's actually kind of funny to me. Mostly because when I think moon and girls I usually think "moon blood"
It's like they were having some sort of period party

>>9634783

>>9634817
What the hell is wrong with his face?

Jesus...

>>9634807
Yes, Tony Jay. Who also did Frolo, Megabyte, and the narrator for The Bard's Tale, among other things.

>>9634817

>>9634759
Sharp flat human teeth are still not fangs.

Why do people pretend like non-Twilight vampires are somehow better than Twilight vampires? It's all fucking self-indulgent wish fulfillment for girls to touch themselves to. OH ALUCARD YOU ARE A PALE AND BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF THE NIGHT WHO HAS SUCKED MY BLOOD AND GIVEN ME THE GIFT OF ETERNAL DEATH isn't somehow less creepy than EDWARD THANK YOU FOR WATCHING ME WHILE I SLEEP

>>9634830
>>9634826
Like I said, looking female is HAWT these days.

I still say Seras looked better in blue

showing vampires as sparkling nancy-boys they are is fine with me

would think it created more willing human-juice-boxes for vampires?

>>9634830
Was it ever explained why he went to school. Or what the point to his life was?

Seems like all they do is entertain Bella and get in fights with other vampires/werewolves.

>>9634844
Are you implying that all non-twilight vampires are like Alucard?

Because if so...

4/10

"You know, it really doesn't matter how they're portrayed. Vampires suck."

"Suck blood, or suck ass?"

"I don't care, as long as it's not mine!"

"Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"

>>9634848
>entertain Bella
And then the fan base is what? Girls?
With this bit of insight, you have now explained why this shit is tarded.

>>9634792
>>9634807

That, and the main writer left.

>>9634848
BECAUSE SHE'S LIKE SUPER IMPORTANT AND EVERYONE LOVES HER.

>>9634890
MY SHITTY MARY SUE IS BETTER THAN YOURS

>>9634846
Agreed on that point. God she's a hot character. Can't wait to get my girlfriend to Cosplay, even if she isn't busty enough.

>>9634912

MY MARY SUE IS THE BEST

>>9634848
They went to school because they like totally had to appear human and because school is like ttly boring but u no its a gud plce to meet boiz LOL.

>>9634231
>"Today it snowed and since the sun was shining I went outside to play in it. Suddenly I realized that the snow glitters in the sun light, is very white, and is cold to the touch. Snow is like Edward Cullen. I was very excited by this. MLIT"
Hahahahaha. Oh wow. Oh glorious. This is absolutely hilarious. Amazing. Best joke I have heard in weeks. I wish I had an army of robot exterminators.

>>9634117
Stop being so butthurt and shitting up the board with your butthurt. When I can take the set of [butthurt posts] and the set of [scaredofshadow's posts] and honestly say that the second set has more content that belongs on /tg/, something is horribly wrong.

>>9634890
ahahaha thanks for making twilight look reasonable by comparison, Harry Potter Fans

>>9634911

I thought to become a vampire you had to drink the vampire's blood?

>plot of the third twilight movie
>Edward racks up a list of Masquerade Violations
>Executed

>>9634828

He rejoined the Wheel of Fate in 2006. I miss his voice.

The other problem is that Amy Hennig, who basically wrote the entire story from Soul Reaver onwards, has moved on to other things and Crystal Dynamics, the people who made the games, has Lara Croft now. We won't be seeing the end any time soon.

>>9634923
His Mary Sue is my spiritual liege.

>>9635001

His Mary Liege is my Spiritual Sue.

>>9635027
>>9635001
The penis of his Mary Sue is my spiritual penis.

VAE VICTUS!!

keep the new ones comming, I am loving this thread!

Really, evil, blood sucking, demonic forces of darkness have much in common with Twilight vampires. For one thing, they're both fucking boring.

>>9635114
ahahahha this is so fucking dumb

>>9634844
>ALUCARD
>PALE AND BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF THE NIGHT
>not "WONDERFULLY FUCKED UP MONSTROSITY AND DEVOURER OF THE WORLDS"

Alucard was a bit of a mary sue, definitly not as much as bella though (also bella cant regenerate, or summon any of her familiars, or turn into bats)

Personally though i like Millennium, because Gentlmen,
I
love
var...

Honestly it's not the changes that Meyer made to vampires that make twilight bad it's the fact the story itself is such utter shit that nothing could have made it readable.

>>9635123
never saw this shitty movie

they slip dagger in the back of close friends over smallest scrap of power as real ones do?

>>9635196
Gentlemen, I like war
Gentlemen, I love war
Gentlemen, I LOVE WAR

>>9635188
which is why every 14-year-old thinks he's TOTALLY AWESOME and he bites both seras and van winkle in retardedly sexual ways

>>9635196

well the big difference and I really feel bad for having to point this out

ALUCARD'S NOT THE PROTAGANIST! HE'S THE OBI WON!

>>9635236
Damn, i dont have any pictures of it sadly, but near the end of the manga, Alucard fully releases his control art restriction system, at which point he grows a mustache, ditches the prettyboy vampire look and goes for the Dracula king of vampires look, turning into a total badass.

However i prefer Schrodinger

>>9635261
Yes, you can argue he's a force of nature and he's used to solve everything because he's not really a "character", but when it comes down to it Hellsing is about Alucard and Seras/Integra are sidekicks who get little token fights. That's it.

>>at which point he grows a mustache, ditches the prettyboy vampire look and goes for the Dracula king of vampires look

HE'S VLAD FUCKING TEPES!!!

>>9635293

not really Seras and Integra are the ones who go through all the devoplment and had the most to over come.

>>9635261
In the Gonzo anime, perhaps (still not really). But definitely not in manga. He is the very main character and center of everyone's attention in manga. Biggest amount of fights and panels alone make him that.

>>9635289

>>9635350
That's because there is nothing for him to overcome. He might not have character development, but that doesn't make him any less main.

Ahha, here he is, in all his Badass mustachedness
Also mind you all, Hellsing is the authors first work that isnt porn
Yes, most of his previous manga's were hentai, and a large ammount of characters were taken from his old hentai (this includes the major)

>>9635261

Obi Wan with guns and BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

>>9635323
>>9635289

Alucard = Dracula FUCK YEAR

>>9635391

>hentai with little chubby men wearing glasses

>>9635408

Vald the IMPALER!

HE WAS A REAL GUY!!

>>9635391
>were taken
There is difference between "were taken" and "loosely based".

>Yes, most of his previous manga's were hentai

yeah him and like everyone else. I dont thinkt heres a manga artist who hasn't dabbled in the naughty stuff

People complaining that Alucard is a Mary Sue? Next they'll be saying that about Saint of Killers.

>>9635426
He wasn't chubby back in the day.
Which is why
>"losely based"
Although he wasn't all that based in his first appearance in Hellsing too. He got fatter and fatter during the manga. Progressive robot obesity.

>>9635408

REALLY?! MIND = BLOWN MAN

>>9635461
The immortal guy that can't be killed, never misses, never stops and totally murdered the Christian God? Yeah, Mary Sue

>>9635431

he had dinner while he was watching how his victims died through a spar in the butt slowly sinking

>>9635466
>all that based = all that chubby.
FFFFuck. 4 am. So much work to do. Hate myself.

>>9635493
>murdered the Christian God
What? That never happened.

you know whast really weird

the original Gonzo promo was full of stuff from the manga, major included

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNj5iiTOMsA&feature=related

>>9635391
Please tell me that one of the characters that came from his hentai stuff was Rip Van Winkle.

>>9635527
I think he's talking about when he killed Anderson when he was using that nail from the cross.

>>9635493
They're both plot devices. Plus SoK answers the question of whether or not God could make a boulder so heavy even he could lift it. Or rather a monster so nasty not even he could resist it.

>>9635564
Ah. You know, given how often Alucard says only a human could kill him, you have to wonder if he's being literal. The only times he ever went up against straight humans, he wasn't exactly wrecking shit as usual. One of those times got his ass enslaved.

>>9635564
>>9635527
Saint of Killers, guys. He is like Alucard, but American cowboy, antagonist and with less focus in the comics.

>>9635616

well he seems to hold a great deal of respect for the human spirit

You know this author is slated to write one or two other books, outside the vampire genre, right?

One's about an angsty alien parasite that slowly falls in love with its host's boyfriend, but has a vendetta against the parasite in said boyfriend. Or some shit. It's called The Host.

She's also supposed to be writing one about mermaids I think.

>>9635674
Those better be some hot lesbian mermaids

>>9635693
Somehow I doubt it. Mormon haet da ghey.

>>9635674
The Host is already out.

It is eerily similar to Twilight, but with OMG AY-LEE-UNS

it happens to everyone...

>>9635616
>>9635659

Problem, Count ?

>>9635693
Fishgina.
Ugh.

Die monsters


so on so forth

All of /tg/ donates £1/2$ into a twighlight rape fund then the winner of a /tg/ film making competition, judged by us, gains access to said fund in order to create the dirtiest grimdark vampire film in the history of man.

Hey was somebody talking about me?

>>9635844
What exactly are you trying to prove?

>>9635844

BRILLIANT

>>9635844

nu uh last time we tried that the guy just took all our money and bought a 3000 dollar tablet that he uses to cut and past

>>9635910

>>9635844
OP here.I fucking approve. Let the games begin!

>>9635408
hey

hey dad

can I take the car this weekend

>>9635844
thats £1/$2 btw
But a grimdark vampire film...i love the idea already
Just leave the nazis (and nazi catboy)
Also dont make it one of those shitty "Vampires are a bunch of clans" and either "are ruled by one vampire" or "fight amongst eachother" or one of those "vampires are on the virge of extinction and must fight humans" kinda shit plots (im mostly thinking about the one ep of black blood brothers ive seen and vampire the masquerade)

>>9634117
We bring back VtM, burn the Toreadors and Fishmalks, and GRIMDARK in this motherfucker.

>>9635674
I'm pretty sure The Host was already written, because my sister, who likes Twilight, said it sucked.

So does that mean it's actually good, or that it's somehow so bad that people who can like Twilight still hate it? The mind boggles.

>>9635968
The Host is like One Missed Call. It's funny shit if you aren't a derp.

>>9635968

huh

well

aside from twlight waht do twiglight fans like?

I cant reakly judge their taste without knowing what else they're into

>>9635931

A party, son ? I'm going too, then.

>>9635950
Same poster here
Make it religious, perhaps crusades in either the future or past, definitly badass armored crusaders, something that looks like the grey knights

>>9636003
um...i think mostly mainstream stuff, like rap music, and lady gaga, and thier boyfriends like cock of doody

>>9635968
Having read some of Twilight just to see how terrible it was I sincerely doubt The Host is any better.

>>9636034
I happen to like the idea of some ultratech crusaders (See Ordo Hereticus) going after the nearly extinct but badass all the same vampires because they are a viable threat.

>>9636034
May I assume that the purpose is to make the vampires boringly one-dimensionally evil?

>>9636009

sounds great pop, but stay away from that Renard chick. I got dibs

Alucard...mary sue...hahaha.

There is a difference between a character being mary sue and being an all powerful immortal super being.

It's been said a thousand times before, and I'll say it again. Alucard wouldn't even acknowledge a twilight vampires existence they are that far beneath him.

Heck the Valentine Brothers could take down every twilight vampire without breaking a sweat.

>>9634559 I always liked that preacher's vamps had no fangs

Neither do twilight vampires bro.

>>9636112

I think we raelly do need to nock the glamor out fo them a bit

no vampire in existance can withstand sexy back

hey guys is there any legacy of kain rpg/d6-d20 games out there?

>>9635890
Nothing.
>>9635910
That happened? What was the funding for?

>>9636112
hmmm, i didnt really think about the depth of the characters all that much.
They should have some depth and all, but we dont want to sound like were trying to make people go "aaaw poor vampires, theyre getting persecuted"

>>9636176
I count teeth that are sharp enough to pierce human skin without tearing as fangs i have already stated this.

>>9636221
Probably my favorite tattooed monk in video games

>>9636034

we need to ahve the vampires fall beneath the might of human intellect and iningenuity

>>9636112
seem boring to me already. they would throw friends into the fire if they thought they'd move up corpse-walker power ladder

>That happened? What was the funding for?

well it didnt happen to anything rgarding this but supposdly the guy who makes the webcomic Ctrl ALt Delete got everyone at a con to donate to him instead of a charitty and he took all the money and ran

>>9636161
...The problem is that he is the bloody protagonist. It makes his fights boring, if the series was about Anderson killing vampires, Nazi vampires, and eventually dueling and losing against Alucard; it would have been awesome. Or watching Seras' slow descent into becoming more of a monster, while gratuitously killing vampires, and Nazi vampires. Instead, there was a character that was practically made of plot hax; and it made the fights a hell of a lot less interesting than what they could have been.

>>9636257


hmmmmmmmmm back

I had an idea for a story setting that had both EVIL MONSTROUS VAMPIRES and the kind ones that don't actually drink people's blood- at least, they drink people's blood, but gotten from blood banks instead of people. Same with several other races. Yeah, there are were-creatures that are just "People who turn into human-animal hybrids", but there are also what are called 'ferals', which are your murderous rampaging animalistic monsters. However, the thinking ones are more common than the monstrous ones, and there's a good reason: NATURAL SELECTION. On one hand, there's the murderous bastard vamps, who, while MUCH stronger due to MORE FEEDING, they have the problem of being hunted by several organizations, as well as various freelance hunters. Same with were-creatures. Which is more likely to survive in society: the murderous monster who can't control his instincts, or the one that can hold them back and might actually HELP people? So, yeah. The evil ones are being hunted to extinction.
It's bad, I know, but it's only a rough concept.

>>9635844

I vote for vampire terrorists fomenting conflict between nations because they can't infiltrate and command governments like they used to - they want everything screwed up and torn down so they can assume control, like in the good old days.

>Today, in history we are starting a research paper, we have to pick a topic from history that interest us. I immediately knew what I was going to write about: the Southern vampire Wars from Eclipse. I was so excited and knew my paper would be best, then i remembered they are not a real event. MLIT.

>>9636221
>>9636401
HMM, RUMP-A SMOOTH SKIN, SAY YA WANNA GIET IN MY BENZ?
WELL USE ME, USE ME, 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T THAT AVERAGE GROUP-IE~

>Today, this guy was asking me for relationship advice. Friends and I were telling him what to do, and he just couldn't understand. Finally I said, "YOU ARE HER JACOB" and he gave me this horrified look and I knew he understood, Twilight is now my inspiration for relationship advice. MLIT
>Horrified Look
>He Understood
>Jacob was the friend-zoned furry faggot

>>9634117
I know I'm a gigantic faggot, because my first thought upon reading that comic was, "that bullet wouldn't penetrate that way because they're made to explode on contact."

>>9636409
Also, I would not object to criticism.
Feel free to tell me how dumb this idea is, just say why as well.

>>9636432
>>9636522
Ok, NOW I'm mad.

>I don't know what's worse: that I woke up on an airplane from Washington to Chicago with glitter in my hair and on my peacoat or that the giggling tweens who did it followed me around the airport. I might have high cheek-bones, short brown-red hair and hazel eyes, but I'M A GIRL!!! Apparently, MLIT.

>You know how kids love to pretend play ? My boys (5 & 6y) & girl (8y) no longer act out Optimus, Megatron & Supergirl roles. I was in my room & overheard them acting out Twilight scenes. Faves of theirs are baseball & Edward/James fight scenes. I have an Alice, an Edward & a Jasper living with me!

>Today one of my favorite old teachers confessed that she used to purposely give her students busy work so she could read twilight under her desk. MLIT

This is one of the reasons why we have kids getting a terrible education.

>Today in Biology the teacher told us the topic was Mitosis... so he decided it was important that we watched Twilight to properly understand prophase/ metaphase etc :D Needless to say he may be my new favourite teacher now :) MLIT

This is the other.

>>9636307
Hmm...I know he is sorta the protagonist but generally I think I've always seen him more as a force of nature and the interesting thing is how other beings both friend and foe react to his ever increasing shows of force.

Then you have the whole mystery of a creature of such force being captured and bound into servitude by the Hellsings when he appears to be utterly unstoppable.

>Today in gym class we were playing sports trivia. My teacher asked me what major event happened in 1918, of course I replied "ummmm... Edward became a vampire!" Apparently that wasn't the right answer. 15 dirty looks later, it was still worth it! MLIT

>Today in English class, our teacher was talking about deep feelings and emotions in books. My three friends and I automatically thought of the pain Bella endured when Edward left her because he thought he was protecting her. MLIT.

Classic literature? Fuck that. Twilight is where it is at, for every occasion, from history to science to literature.

>>9636674
... there are human beings this aggravating?

>>9636717
Yes, do us all a favor and eat them while I drink this French Vanilla Ice Cappuccino.

>It's been over two years, maybe three, since I was made clear that I look exactly like Rob Patterson. As soon as the Twilight movie was released, girls have been trying to explain to me how I must be a vampire. I was given the link to this site by 3 stalkers, one of them a dude. MLI(unexpectedly)T

The poor, poor bastard.

>>9636674
>playing sports trivia
>major event ... 1918

How fuck is anyone who isn't some kind of retard sports-fanatic supposed to know shit like that?

>Today, while I was paying for groceries the cashier asked me, "Oh, the Spartans? Is that your high school mascot?" I was wearing a Forks High School hoodie. She had no idea what that was. Needles to say, I walked out of the store in sheer disbelief and outrage. MLIT

>DERP EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW TWILIGHT

>>9636754

No, general trivia to pass the time away instead of doing physical activities, methinks.

Im just posting Shanoa for the hell of it now

>>9636717
sadly yes

>>9636647
Because they were the last humans to fight against him while still remaining human, and thus earned his grudging respect?

>Today in my Intro to Human Disease class the Prof. showed a death toll chart of the past 100 years. In the 1920's there was a large spike in the chart labled 'Influenza Epidemic.' I turned to my friend and said "That's when Edward died." She replied, "No that's when Edward was born." -MLIT

AGAIN with the 1918 flu epidemic.

...I hate them.

>Then you have the whole mystery of a creature of such force being captured and bound into servitude by the Hellsings when he appears to be utterly unstoppable.

well form what I understand, Van Hellsing is really smart, like Batman level

>Today, I realized that whenever I eat food, I feel guilty and regret it because I think it might make me seem unattractive to a vampire. MLIT

See, the problem is all a great big misunderstanding.

Edward isn't a vampire, he's a leech.

He can go out in the sun
He sparkles (glistens) in the sunlight
He doesn't have fangs
He can't shapeshift.

However, he does drink blood, but it can be the blood of any animal, not just humans.

Ergo, a leech.

>Today i was coughing like crazy and my brother comes running and yells in a joking way "Do we need to get you to a doctor?!" and all i can say between coughs is "CALL CARLISLE!!!" Its funny how the first thing that comes to my mind is twilight and not OMG im choking. MLI(always)T.

mmm back

>Today it was my Best friends birthday. I called her and said how old are you,And she said 23. And then i said how long have you been 17? And she hung up on me. MLIT

>A month ago, my sister started dating someone who looks a lot like Edward Cullen. For the past month, I've been subtly flirting and "accidentally" pouring sparkles on him. Today, my sister found out, and she told me to stay away from her boyfriend. Nothing can stop the path of true love. MLIT

Fucking whore.

http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/article/pattinson-gets-to-the-heart-of-stephenie-meyer-and-her-twilight
-series

Even Robert himself found the book to be crap.

>Today, I realized Im pretty much going to fail the IB because I cant stop reading the Twilight Saga over and over again. Its totally worth it. Who cares about Anna Karenina when you can read about Edward and Bella? MLIT

Yeah, Fuck Anna what'shername! She doesn't sparkle!

>My husband is a Twilight fan. One day I asked him why he can't say sweet things like Edward, and he looked me right in the eyes and said, "You're my perfect brand of Heroin." Sweetest thing he has said to me so far. MLIT

I don't wish to comment one way or another, my distaste for these books are well known.

However, I must put forth this picture, as I note it has not yet been in this thread.

>>9636960

He probably said it to shut her up.

>>9636965
>orange
>blue

>>9636862
I'm more interested in the lower back.
>>9636996
Huh. I normally only notice it on promotional things

My sister is 9 years old and we were debating on the hotness of Jacob and she suddenly says shes going to marry Taylor and I tell her he is like 9 years older then him and she said "Age is but a number when it comes to the love me and Taylor have." I an team Jacob and so is my little sis. MLIT

>9 years old
>wants to fuck Jacob
>Also, Jacob is a known pedophile as proven in book 4

>>9636996
>>9637045
Your points being? So what if it's blue/orange. Bah!

>>9636822
Certainly seems that way, I've no problem with that if it is the case.

I'll keep to my vampires done right, those from 30 Days of Night, Let The Right One In and even Alucard, though he trancends vampire and is more akin to a god.

>>9637068
Thats cute. Youre cute.

>Today, I was driving with my sister and it was snowing. She pointed out that the road was so sparkly and beautiful. I proceeded to say, "Yeah! It looks like Edward Cullen threw up!" MLIT.

Snow=Vampire vomit. This is canon.

>>9637068
There's really no point. It's just a relatively overused combination. All a sage means is he doesn't want to bump a thread

>>9636965
ONE!
TWO!
THREE PUNCHES!
AH AH AH!

>>9634117
Vampires were pretty gay to begin with, man. Twilight was the culmination of their entire folkloric existence.

>>9637097

cant reall ybe helped when it's jsut a dynamic combination

>>9637101
That would be awesome. Maybe he can punch him alot, while counting.
Itt Count Von Count became my favorite evil vampire.

>Today we were learning about Romeo and Juliet. No one understood the story, so I added twilight character names to the story. We were sad when Jacob/Tybalt/Paris died. At least we all understand basic Shakespear. MLIT

Twilight fans don't understand Romeo and Juliet, which is what Twilight rips off of with glee.

>>9637159
I stand by the opinion that the entire point of Romeo and Juliet was to point out that teenagers are fucking stupid

>>9637208

Of course teenagers are stupid.

>Today I was in Bath and Body works when I came upon an entire section devoted to products called "Twilight Woods." I bought one of everything. I figure Edward will feel more at home. MLIT.

Also, marketing towards them works wonderfully.

>Today we were learning about Romeo and Juliet. No one understood the story, so I added twilight character names to the story.

>>9637239

Don't worry, many of them will die alone.

>Today I went home after class feeling lonely. I picked up my copy of Twilight and flipped to the part where Bella first meets Edward. I proceeded to cry and kiss the cardboard cutout of Edward that I have over and over. He always finds a way to make me feel better! MLIT!!!

>>9637132
Folklore vampires were totally different from country to country, from mythos to mythos and not very different from your typical monsters. Literature vampires, however, created by Bram Stocker were pretty gay, yeah.

>>9637265
>Don't worry, many of them will die alone.
Don't be ridiculous. They'll have beanie babies and cats to keep them company

>>9637278
>>9637278

Lestat banged dudes, but he's way less of a fag

>>9637278
Vampire hunter D vampires.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>>9636003
They like hating on people that don't love twilight. No, not people that hate twilight, just people that don't explicitly love it.

Just like it as a half-decent piece of literature(a stretch, but...)? Hate.

Don't dislike it? Hate.

No strong feelings either way? Hate.

As a note, there is a strain of twilight fans that channels their hate into an attempt to convert you to a twilight fan as well. They do, however, revert to either hate or denial of your inability to like the series when you successfully resist their attempts to convert you.

>>9637132
To begin with....how were they gay to begin with?

They were only became gay when Anne Rice turned them into dapper victorian gentlemen.

While there is a thread of vampire lore that will forever be tainted by that sort of shite there are those vampires based of the older myths and vampire characters.

The shite vampires might get all the media attention because of their easy marketability to young girls but they are far far outnumbered by the brutal animals and night hunters.

>Today I was sittingin class when my south american teacher wanted to be asked three questions. One guy asked "What's your favorite book?" and another one said " Please say Twilight!" the teacher stared and asked "Whats Twilight?. MLIT

>>9637308

>Today I bought my 19th Edward/Rob poster and when my mom walked in my room she yelled at me for buying Edward Cullen wallpaper. Little did she know....

Only thing good to come out of Twilight was sparkly dildos.

This thread needs more Sally.

>>9637371
Like those didn't already exist.

>>9637405
I've seen glow in the dark but not sparkly before twlight

Vlad Ţepeş Dracula the Third 'The Impaler', Prince of Wallachia.

And, allegedly, he suffered from Porphyria, the real life Vampire curse.

> What do we do to bring back the evil, blood sucking, demonic forces of darkness that vampires were?

The return of Black Court of Vampires, for one thing.

I'm sure someone commented on this before but

>Today, I was in my kitchen. I was hungry. I got some ice cream from the freezer. The cold air from the freezer reminded me of Edward. I ate it with a spoon. The spoon reminded me of a fork. I realized that the sun was shining on my ice cream and making it sparkle. MLIT

W
T
F

>>9637366

>Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My sister called me a twihard, since I refused to put down Eclipse. I told her, "It's not my fault that Jacob is so much better than any real life boys!" She agreed and let me keep reading. MLIT

And now I am done looking through that site. Brb grabbing booze.

>>9637328
Well, Lord Ruthven was a dapper Victorian gentleman. As was Dracula, when he chose to be.

They just both happened to be monsters too.

I normally stay away from the more rabid bashing of things, but this... What is this!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOMINATION!?

>>9637424

>>9637448
Hmm true...to be fairer we must separate the propper Victorian Gentleman and the arseholes of dubious sexuality who attempted to dress in a similar fasion.

Still propper vampires have never gone away, it's just the media do nothing but tout the joke kiddy love story vampires, and everyone with any sense knows the media are full of shite.

>>9637434
If classic Stoker-style vampire literature was written by the whites to fuck over the blacks, then could Twilight be an abortive attempt at fucking over the whites?

>>9637593
Get your mind out of the white supremacy gutter.

>>9637593
>If classic Stoker-style vampire literature was written by the whites to fuck over the blacks
That's a pretty fucking stupid line of thought bro

White supremacy gutter must breed them extra retarded.

Portrayal of porcelain skinned characters are murdering inhuman creatures doesn't sound much like "the white man trying to get one over."

Besides coloured people go pretty pale when drained of blood don't they?

Twilight is more accurate to original vampire myths than most of the things today. Why? Folkloric vampires were not harmed by sunlight, they were only weakened by it or forced to sleep. Vampires in Twilight are not harmed by sunlight, but they must avoid it.

u mad?

>>9637734
They don't have to avoid it they choice to ya dumbfuck.

>>9637734
Weak troll 3/10.

>>9635721
I'll give her this, though, it is a MUCH better example of writing. Characters ARE independant of their love interests, it has a good story, it's not so blatantly mary-sue..

>>9637734
0/10

How many of the folklore vampires sparkled though?

>>9637734
They are very mad, especially when you point this out.

The only fun I've ever had playing Champions Online was killing this son of a bitch. Successful parody is successful.