This just got added to the warp travel failures table

fuck yes jumanji. i played the shit out of that game when i was a kid.

rolled 2, 6 = 8

Well, let's see...

A swarm of Hormagaunts assail you.
Until the dice read ten or two.

Beware the many mouths that wait.
They'll shut when dice roll five or eight.

It roars and shakes
and with great dakka
get ready boys
here comes the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

You are accused of heresy,
Outrun the commissar with a three

Tremble mortals! Chaos comes!
Horrors cease if two dice roll one.

Geller field fails, Chaos flood!
Escape the warp if either dice rolls one!

A daemon from the deepest eye
Makes you feel you're 'bout to die.

Sisters of Battle found a whore
Lock up your woman, on three or four

The Emperor shines, your faith is true,
to your next roll, add two!

A hunter from the darkest wild... makes you feel just like a child.

yep still works

For the greater good, the tau do come,
Advances three spaces and join the fun.

Daemons creep and Daemon's crawl,
On two or four beware the walls

Run from war, try as you might,
in the end you shall fight!

From the Hive they swarm and thirst, still your heart, lest it burst

With 6 and 3 you must not fear.
You're all safe now cause Papa's here!

Under the hive, down in the dark
Mutated horrors yip and bark
Flying from the garbage shoals
Come to shred and eat your souls

His senses keen, his aim be true,
Beware dark spaces, lest he find you

KHORNE DEMANDS THE BLOOD OBEY
THOSE WHO ROLL TEN SHALL PAY

Creak and howl, the hull dost moan,
Waves of terror in the bone,
Daemon's wail and Men do cry,
Tonight, this place, hope shall die

If you roll a sum of seven
Endure the horros of Slaaneshi heaven

>>7785740
cool one brah

that doomrider guy sure is fun
at least until you roll a one.

If Three of Four falls from your hand,
Tzeentch has included you in his plan.

Exterminatus is your fate
Unless your roll a nine and eight.

In the grim dark future there is only war
until your dice read ten or four.

His eye sees all, his hands to reach
Cross the warp, through the breach
To the souls of man and fears therein
Tzentch the mastermind dost spin
This evil web of trickery, dreams and lies
Beware your friends, on rolls of five

Inquisition on their way
Continue running until the break of day.

DIS 'ERES A WAAAAAAAGH
THE BOYZ ARE COMING
SO CLEAR YOUR HEAD
ROLL THE DICE AND PRAY
FOR A NINE OR EIGHT TO SAVE THE DAY

Gellar field is about to buckle
since when did your forehead start growing knuckles?

A strange smell your nose does catch
An bright light your friend dost fetch
A shriek and crack your ears do hear
In your heart, does quiver fear
Nids do come, from far and low
To drink that sweet life, 'side the marrow

Orks
Orks
Orks
To large crowds make your 'scape
For only the bodies of the dead
Shall keep your brain inside your head

...there's the real reason why the Emprah is still stuck on the Golden Throne.

He and Horus were playing a game of Jumanji, and the Emprah drew a really bad card.

So if we can just get another player or two, resurrect Horus, and then roll well enough, we can bring the Emprah back to life, finish the game, and reset everything to how it was before the "Heresy".