Maybe ask /mu/.

>ba-dum-tish

These aren't ironic. They're useless.

You have no clue what irony is, do you OP?

>>17159244
nope

Is it irony if someone bad at irony is trying to create a game around the idea?

Bag of Holding Dirt.

It holds endless dirt.

>>17159262
Not ironic, so much as it is an exercise in sheer futility.

>>17159262

>>17159264
If you don't think that's useful, you're an idiot. Just watch Pirates of the Caribbean. A single JAR of dirt can bring the lord of the undead to his knees.

>>17159264
NEVER GIVE THE PLAYERS ENDLESS ANYTHING.


EVER.

>>17159264
That's incredibly useful, particularly if the soil is nutrient-rich.

>>17159294
THIS

I mean, endless bag of dirt? You just gave the PC's the ability to ignore terrain, as they can fill up holes and build islands and hills in a flash when they open the bag upside down

Assuming it pours out at a pace appropriate to infinite pressure, anyway- if you have to shovel it out that's much less useful.

>>17159244

Those 2 examples can actual fit under situational irony...

Why do people always say nothing is ironic anymore?

>The God of Irony
Yo.
Sup.

>>17159331
To be ironic.

>>17159338

The God of Irony isn't actually a god

Potion of invisibility makes you temporarily go blind

>>17159349
No, the god of irony is actually in charge of metals.

A washing machine that transforms the change in the players' pockets into another form of currency of equal value. Dollars to the equivalent amount of Yen, for instance.

Swimming trunks that let a character fly.

A sword that mends whatever it strikes.

>>17159338
Your /co/ wankfest is that way -->

>>17159349
That's the point, dip shit. It's ironic. I don't think you'd understand.

>>17159356
Implying blindness has ever stopped PCs from doing anything.

>>17159356

Logical. If you're invisible, light goes right through you. We see things because the light is traveling into our eyes and projecting like a screen. If we can't interact with light, we can't see.

>>17159364
AYE RON EE

Not

IRE NEE

>>17159370
Shut up

>>17159331
>Why do people always say nothing is ironic anymore?

Because they heard it once, thought it sounded smart and educated, and then took it out of context and used the phrase without a deeper understanding of the subject

I'm not saying this is ALWAYS the case, but that's been my impression of the phenomenon.

>>17159385
YOUshut up, he wasn't even talking to you. You're supposed to ignore people like him.

>>17159368
Those are all incredibly useful though.

A donut that cures diabetes.

>>17159264
>Bag of Holding Dirt.
>It holds endless dirt.
I turn the bag inside out.

>>17159400
if only

Armor of Arrow Attraction

>>17159403
I think that's paradox, not irony.

>>17159264

>endless


mad hax. i would literally sell all the rest of the party's gear for beer money.

A bottle that, when filled with water and then sealed, turns that water into wine.
It's stopper, when inserted into a bottle, locks itself to that bottle and cannot be removed.

>>17159403
The resulting explosion covers 100 square miles in dirt before the Gods intervene, saving the entire Material plane from rapid conversion into the Plane of Earth Mk II

>A magic ointment which makes your body invisible for as long as no one is watching you.

See this wouldn't be so bad, once everyone stopped looking at you the invisibility would kick in and then when someone tries to look they can't, because you are invisible and they don't know where you are.

Torch of Darkness
it makes everything darker when lit

can actually be useful too

Armour of Invisibility.
The armour itself does not become invisible.

>>17159399
Ironic doesn't mean useless.

Unless it's a wand of usefulness, which actually only inconveniences the caster.

>>17159479
Or does useful things that are entirely inappropriate to the situation.

Bells of Pad foot
Makes your foot falls silent
they're fuckin bells that jingle as you move

>>17159447
>break bottle
>receive wine

those are all weaksauce /tg/ I thught you'd be better at irony

A picture of saint which cures from blindness those, who look upon it.

A useless magical item would be a Blindfold of True Seeing.

An ironic magical item would be an Eyepatch of True Seeing.

>The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention - now that IS irony!

Also, along the lines of OP's items, a bag that makes you beautiful as long as you wear it over your head.

>>17159489
LOL, I love this one.

>>17159485
Yeah, see, it's full of uses, just none of them are any good.

A surgical tool used for lobotomy.
When used, the "patient" (for lack of a better term) recieves +3 INT

Boots of water walking.

When full of water, the boots can walk for themselves.

Potion of Breathing
A potion that, when drunk, grants you the ability to breath air

Razor of Dwarf Shaving
A razor that, when used to shave a Dwarf, will make the Dwarf very mad

Band of Imprisonment- turns out it is a completely mundane man's wedding ring.

Armour of Dodging
This armour may dodge attacks, you do not necessarily dodge with it.

>>17159583
Sheild of Glancing Blow
Makes it so that all your attacks glance off the enemy
Backstory for this item is that its from a religious sect that tried to subdue an orc invasion without killing any of them, thus they used magical items to deal no leathal damage

>>17159562

>Potion of Breathing
>A potion that, when drunk, grants you the ability to breath air
very useful for aquatic races

This thread just proves how hard it is to be a good comedian.

>>17159622
True, but most times you won't be playing as aquatic races
for example, if you are playin as an aquatic race you would get a potion of water breathing instead

Tome of undiscovered science.
The book is empty.

>>17159641
Wall of Stand up
a small portable wall you can set up behind you to make your charisma go up only if you are telling jokes

Arrow of Knee
This arrow, no matter how well aimed, will always hit the target in the knee

Fuckin Skyrim dammit

Immovable Rod
This rod stoutly refuses to change it's views.

>>17159657

Okay, this is some irony right there. Need more.

A quest to find the long lost Ring of Finding, a ring that allows the wearer to instantly find whatever it is they are seeking.

Don't let them ever find it.

Ok, for the beginners to this, think of an item that actually exists, then think of something else that its name could mean

e.g. bag of holding
casts hold person/monster on anybody who fills the bag

Crown of Ruling- Allows the wearer to draw perfectly straight lines free-handed.

Carcanet of Reign- The wearer may summon storms.

>>17159657
Tome of invisible runes
All the text is invisible

Tome of Reading
this book, once read, will allow the reader to be able to read
can only be read by people who can read
reading this book out to others has no effect

Tome of Gravity
Its REALLY fuckin heavy, so heavy its impossible to open

Poison dart trap
Designed to prevent poison darts from passing it's activation zone.

>>17159719
>>17159723
Those are puns. Puns are not ironic.

Potion of Aquaman

Will turn your next obstacle into something you can easily overcome but everybody will laugh at you and think you're a fag.

Cancelled by Potion of Breathing.

Diving helm of water breathing.

Deaths Mask
Everyone who sees you will think you are wearing a really amazing mask

>>17159743
Irony is for professionals.
Puns are for kids.

>>17159748
Aquaman is awesome now. Check out Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

>>17159758
That is not ironic at all. That is just form following function.

>>17159743
Can't they be both?
Going from the Futurama episode, Leela had to give her "hand". She believed that it meant her literal hand, rather then the expression for marriage. Ruling means both giving an authoritative command, and drawing lines with a ruler.
You're probably right about the second one though.

>>17159781
Glasses of YEAAAAAAH
if donned halfway through a witty remark, that is then completed, they will explode

>>17159802
Last seen in the Castle Aaaaaaaaargh.

>>17159817
Rabbits foot of big pointy teeth
Protection from Holy and Grenades

>>17159502
>The use of words expressing something other than and usually opposite to, their literal intention - now that IS irony!

fxed that for you

>>17159419
But this is incredibly useful! All arrows will strike the armor itself, so you don't have to wear helmet etc.
>expect ivesform
I will, captcha, I will.

Bucket of Dryness
Whore of chastity.

Silver bullet of inflict Lycanthropy

>>17159844

I believe that's closer oxymoron. You are new to this, aren't you?

A very fine sword that turns the hand you hold it with into your off hand.

>>17159866

No, no it's... palindrome.

>>17159866
Well, the first one isn't really anything; a bucket's function is to contain things, not make them wet.

The god of anti-deitism

>>17159893
Isn't there a god of atheism in Warhammer fluff? Believers make him weaker or something.

The Boot of Runs!

Wearing these boots loosens your characters bowels immediately.

I'm sorry /tg/.

>>17159907
Yep. He has a tendency to fuck up plans I think. Or that was his twin, I forget. They were the two "minor" gods made when GW lost the rights to Malal.

Boots of Hermes
Hermes was the patron god of Theives and Merchants(commerce)
while wearing the boots of hermes, all merchants rip you off
They also make you move a bit faster, because theives are always chasing you

Boots of sure-footing
These boots will make anyone who looks at them believe they will fit them. Regardless of such trivial things like "no feet"

Gloves of Sure-Grip
These gloves will grip onto anything they grab onto
It is incredibly hard to make them let go

Codpiece of Sexual Prowess
While wearing this codpiece, you are amazing in bed.

>>17159962
How about a Chastity Belt of Boner?

>>17159962
Condom of fertillity
while wearing this condom, you are garanteed to impregnate any female you have sex with
Magic void if broken

Amulet of Tongues

Wearing this amulet allows you to understand every language that is no longer spoken in your plane of existance, at the sacrifice of the languages you currently know.

>>17159980
This could be pretty useful if a lesbian couple wanted a child.

Fake Beard of Gender Change.

>>17159321
>Assuming it pours out at a pace appropriate to infinite pressure

Enjoy your hypermassive dirt ray travelling at .999~ times the speed of light.

>>17160055
And that would happen if you held the bag open at any angle other than straight up.
Point in BBEG's direction and open.

>ITT /tg/ proves they have no idea what irony means

>>17160115
You idiot it means "Like iron"
You know, Steel is very Irony

ITT: attempting to discuss the concept of irony with a bunch of assburgers, instead of bombarding the OP with various '+5 iron codpiece of the dragon' permutations.

>>17160201
+5 Latex codpiece of the dragon
Comes boxed.

>>17160215

Don't forget the strawberry-flavored grease potions.

>>17160012
so if a man puts on the fake beard they turn into a woman, with a beard?

>>17160357
>>17160055
>>17160215

I love you guys.

Wand of Detect Self.

To people arguing about what is ironic, this is one example of several different types of IRONY.

It is a beseechment to not deface stop signs, and it is ironic because it is infact DEFACING A STOP SIGN.