"You know, I thought I would really enjoy something like this, but a football season doesn't feel like a season if the Cowboys don't have a chance at making the playoffs," New York Giants fan and banker David McQuillan said. "That said, would any of you like to watch six hours of highlights from all the Cowboys' losses? I've saved them all on my DVR, because sometimes when I'm having a tough time at work I watch the Giants 41-35 victory and the look on Wade Phillips' dumb face just cheers me right up.

"Man, I'm going to love when that guy gets fired," McQuillan continued. "It's going to be so sweet I can taste it."

Like the Yankees in baseball, the Cowboys are known throughout the country as a team that prides itself on excellence, a team that has come to embody its sport. And when star quarterback Tony Romo went down with a clavicle injury several weeks ago, the disappointment could be felt from coast-to-coast.

"Hearing Romo scream when his collarbone snapped will always be one of my favorite memories," Washington, D.C. resident Nick Thomason said. "I was pretty young when Dallas went 1-15 in 1989, but I still remember their only win that year was against my Redskins. It's like the football gods were repaying me by making sure he was miked up during that game."

"I thought I would cherish the day when the Cowboys completely imploded," 44-year-old James Tolliver of Providence, RI said. "And I was right. This has been absolutely wonderful."

According to a recent USA Today poll, 45 percent of the country said that no team deserves to perform this terribly under this much pressure, except for the Dallas Cowboys. Thirty-two percent said that the season has been emotionally taxing for people who grew up worshipping Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, and Emmitt Smith, and that those people should probably go fuck themselves anyway.

Ninety-nine percent of respondents said that if karma has caught up with the Cowboys, and they are finally getting payback for all the times Michael Irvin pushed off and was never called for it, or all the years they mysteriously never played an away game in December, then karma is the greatest thing in the history of the world.

"Firing the coach, hiring a new coach, players wanting to be traded, Romo's toughness questioned in the locker room—there are going to be some amazing meltdowns coming, mark my words," said lifelong Dallas resident Stephen Lowndes, who has been steeped in Cowboys lore all his life without being asked if that was what he wanted. "Plus, they're about due for a major drug incident, or maybe a strip-club brawl or something, just to make the season perfect. And months down the road, long after they miss the playoffs, they get to screw up the draft. Really, you have to grow up getting this team rammed down your throat every single fucking minute of every single goddamn day of your life to appreciate how much I'm loving this."

"Seriously, best season ever," Lowndes added. "How 'bout them Cowboys!"

sage, fuck off.

cowboys suck and it makes my dick hard.

>>8517550
>the Cowboys—an organization that has been >synonymous with excellence for decades

good one articlefag

Op doesnt know how to post a link

Haters gonna hate

>>8517589
>>8517595
>>8517608

3 sages in a row, I think it's obvious this thread sucks. We dont need 20 pages of text to say

>LOL COWBOYS

>mfw the op has been writing this since last week and could not wait until this sunday to post it when the cowboys go 1-7.

fail harder.

>>8517621
Its because the OP made this up, its fake. no one wrote this.

>mfw the OP is in tears because he thought this thread was going to be a big success but it flopped and now he is the biggest faggot on /sp/ and is considering suicide.

>>8517609


The Onion probably?

>>8517644

The Onion. I read this earlier and thought about posting the link. But the whole text?? Jeez louise.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

Ta-Da. It's from The Onion.

>>8517671

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

you don't need to read to know its hilarious when the cowboys straight up fucking implode.

hey guys, I found the link

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

I saw this on the Onion earlier at work. I printed it out and put it on my boss' desk who is a big Cowboyfag despite never having lived in Texas.

He was butthurt to the point of trying to justify firing my ass.

/cool story bro

now that its the onion, this is great!

>>8517722

yeah...thanks....real johnny on the spot with that.

Hey bros, here is the link

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

>mfw the Cowboys and Panthers have the same record
>mvw the Panthers could probably beat the Cowboys

shit guys check it

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

>>8517732

>>8517708
>i read the onion and try to distract people from seeing how big of a faggot i am

This reminds me of something I read on The Onion, I think you guys might enjoy it as well.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

Oh I saw this on the onion earlier

HERE -

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

HEY GUYS!! I FOUND THE LINK! OP WASN'T MAKING THIS UP:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

Hey guys, I don't know if you saw the link I posted earlier, so I'll repost it so you don't have to scroll up to find it.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

>>8517802

this link works faster.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

this thread turned from lulz to butthurt and back to lulz FAST

>>8517825

Here, I shortened it.

http://tinyurl.com/27k2nt2

Losers gonna Lose

Cowboys

Post the real link, you faggots.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

Hey guys I found this on a website called the Onion. They take real news stories and make em funny. They are pretty new I only found out about them today look
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

>>8517839
http://goo.gl/kz4zA

Too long, saving you guys some screen real estate.

>>8517865

Here, I screencapped the article. I found it on a website called "The Onion."

>Dallas
>Cowgirls
>Mavs
>Rangers

Lol U FURIOUS, Dallas?

lmao at everyone posting the link fuck you op

>>8517762

Could you be a little more buttthurt there?

Cowboys win streak begins sunday.

What's the worst record the Cowboys have ever had?

>>8517932

They've gone 1-15 before. I think it was the late 90's.

>>8517932

0-11-1 in 1960

>>8517932
http://www.nflteamhistory.com/nfl_teams/dallas_cowboys/year_by_year_results.html

0-11 1960 (inaugural season)
1-15 1989

Hey, does anyone have the link to the article? I'm pretty sure OP is just making this shit up.

>>8517961

Nah, I went on very tedious internet search. Here's the link to the article, which OP DID NOT WRITE!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

>>8517961

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-taking-no-joy-in-cowboys-pathetic-collapse,18405/

Nigga, do your research next time.