>slaps my face

hahahaha

>spaghetti falls out of my pocket

i lost it right there

How can one person be such a social outcast?
I probably would have done the same shit to you, fucking nerds piss me off.

Did you burst into [spoiler] treats [/spoiler]?

>mfw my friend and I used to go to movie theaters in a group of 4 and we used to throw food and spit on this kid who was at the movies always alone. We would slap the back of his head and my friend punched him in the back of the head one time and he fel asleep! haha. We kicked his face repeatedly and my friend picked him up by the shirt and slapped his face so hard it was hilarious. We got kicked up but it was so worth it

Serves you right for liking the Rock, faggot.

>>14619635
sup Jordan Jefferson

I fucking love you /sp/

I went to go see a movie by myself. It was Hangover 2. I went during the day like everyone here has kind of advised. It was during the week day too. I was one of the few people in the theater until a large group of about 6 teens came in and sat right besides me. It was when they should have been in school so they must have ditched (so you know they were trouble).

I heard them making fun of me as they moved up to their seats saying, "Look at this fat fuck all by himself lets keep him company!" they practically yelled it. I ignored it and them watching the repeated movie trivia while they just started at me the girls doing sexual things at me like winking to try to get to me.

I practically ran out crying going to the bathroom to wipe tears away. I went to the concession stand to make it seem like I just bought some popcorn (large tub with extra butter and a large coke). When I got back two had moved to the other side of me. Panicing I just quickly moved to sit down but felt a stab when I did. I hopped up to see a syringed poking out of my seat. The girls to both my sides said, "You have AIDS now faggot boy!" By this point snot and tears were on over flow. I dropped my food and drink to the floor, but I don't think it masked the gurgle of my gut which followed the wet clapping of my ass cheeks when I started to uncontrollably fart. I shoved my hand down the back of my sweat pants to try to stop the mess, but before I could hot diarrhea shit mixed with spaghetti started firing down my leg and onto my sandals. The hot rancid scent burned their nostrils which enraged them. They shoved my down into my own shit, popcorn, and drink. I writhed around on the buttered floor as they kicked me all over and spit on my calling me AIDS Fag-fatty. I burt into treats. I couldn't even control myself,

>weed taped to the back

>sitting in philosophy class trying to crack my back
>this attractive girl comes over to me and offers crack my back for me
>so i stand up and she crosses my arms in front of me and stands right behind me and sort of picks me up onto her and bounces me (have you ever seen people crack backs this way? i have seen it, but it is weird to explain)
>it wasn't working, so she tried a huge bounce
>something popped really loudly, but then when she set me down i couldn't feel my legs it was like they were totally asleep
>i fucking collapsed in a heap on the ground, my legs going off in weird directions
>hear a huge farting nose, realized i've shit myself
>everybody was wondering what the fuck was going on
>try to get up and run away but my legs didn't work
>i couldn't move and over the next thirty seconds my colon emptied really loudly
>teacher thought i was a fucking freak shitting all over the floor
>realizes i wasn't kidding around and she calls and ambulance
>turns out my spinal cord got pinched inbetween my vertebrae

>Go to see harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 for the ninth time
>Little sister in school so I have nobody to go with
>Decide to wear my invisible cloak
>My mom drops me off at the front door
>Immediately put on my cloak
>I then walk in the door
>Everybody is starring at me
>I realize my cloak doesn't work on Tuesdays
>They are all laughing and throwing stuff at me
>I turn around and try to run out
>A group of football players trip me
>He rips my backpack full of spaghetti off me and dumps it all over me
>I run out crying

>>14619677
this is why regular people aren't chiropractors

>>14619670
>"You have AIDS now faggot boy!"

>>14619670
I've heard about that syringe thing long ago. another reason not to go to the theater.

ITT: copypasta, probably from /r9k/ and /b/

>>14619677

Like!

>Be 20
>Virgin
>Never had a girlfriend before
>Going on a date
>Take her to Mexican restaurant
>Walk in
>Tables, tables everywhere
>We sit at a table close to where a group of girls are sitting
>Oh well, they seem to be ignoring us
>Sit down and order food
>Nervous as fuck
>Not sure what to say
>Sweating a little
>Food comes and it's going ok
>I panic a little when she asks about other dates I've been on but I cover it up pretty well
>It's going ok.
>Group of girls at the other table are getting loud
>Laughing loudly making jokes
>One of them knocks her plate with her elbow and a potato falls from her plate
>It lands on the floor next to me
>I pick it up
>Put it back on her plate
>She just stares at me
>Whole table bursts out laughing
>My girlfriend has this look like "er..wtf are you doing"
>I don't know what to do
>Take the potato from her plate and put it on my plate instead
>Her table laughs more, far more loudly
>Sit in silence whilst their table whispers to each other laughing at intervals

I will never recover from this. And yeah, she left me. I got to hit it a few times so aint all that bad.

>>14619743
dumb bitches laughing is a good thing, it means they like the situation.

You guys really need to use this guild.

>>14619743
what the fuck

Happened today

>Come back from watching Cowboys and Aliens by myself.
>Park in my driveway and I exit my vehicle
>I start walking to my door when I hear a girls voice
"Heeey!"
>My 6 year old neighbor was saying hi from across the street
>I didn't know what to say and I kinda stuttered and turned away
"Um, whats up are you?.....Hey..."
I quickly head in my apartment, lock the door, slide over to the window and carefully look through the blinds. She was still playing with her toys. She wasnt creeped out so I was happy

>>14619764
someone actually made this

someone actually saved this

>not going to the movies with your dad

>>14619764
I lost it at beta blockers

>>14619774
>going to see Cowboys & Aliens

No wonder you don't have any friends.

>>14619787
Betablockers are just pills to make you chill out.

>taking these from the /tv/ thread

>>14619807
no, beta blockers slow your heart rate. Nothing to do with psychology.

.mfw I thought beta blockers was a code word for weed or something

i really hope no one here takes beta blockers

>>14619820
i was prescribed them because i have heart palpitations

problem?

>>14619764
>mfw I go to the cinema alone all the time because I like films and I get to eat all the spaghetti I want

>getting my teeth cleaned after 12 years of no dentist
>have social anxiety which manifests itself with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and nervous ticks and shaking
>can't afford to see a doctor for medication because of no insurance, only reason I am at the dentist is because mom is paying
>solid 10 dental hygentist walks in
>asks me how my week has been (it's friday)
>I'm a 29 year old unemployed shut in who literally did nothing all week but 4chan and Starcaraft
>mumble something unintelligible about the internet
>she gives me a weird look
>social anxiety kicks in
>can't keep my mouth from quivering
>she is trying to clean my teeth and asks me to calm down and relax my mouth
>I can't and this is making me more and more nervous
>I get so nervous I shart my pants
>solid 10 hygentist gags and runs out of the room
>I leave as fast as I can
>mom is in the waiting room
>tell her I am sick and need to go home and run out of the office
>receptionist charges her even though I didn't get a check up
>realize I have to get in my mom's van with shit pants
>also realize mom is still in the dental office and is surely finding out what happened
>decide to walk 5 miles home with shit pants instead of enduring the ride home with mom
>mom passes me on the way home looks at me and shakes her head
>drives past me
>get home
>take shower
>cry myself to sleep
>next day have a rash all over my dick and ass and a urinary tract infection for walking all that way with shit pants
>no money to go to the doctor or for rash medicine
>in pain every waking second and also can't sleep

>>14619857
>>14619857

>mfw /a/ and /sp/ mod can relate to these threads

>1 week ago
>Never leave my house except for groceries, etc.
>Have a dentist appointment
>Normally not awkward cause my dentist is an old guy and his assistant is ugly as fuck
>Go to appointment
>Old guy and assistant aren't available
>Told im left with a relatively new, young dentist
>Hope its a guy
>Sweating
>Its a girl, redhead, 9.5/10
>Leads me to the chair, im sweating bullets
>Starts making general conversation, school, life etc.
>I stutter with one word responses
>Starts working on my teeth
>Tilts my head so we see eye to eye
>Im hyperventilating
>Moves in closer
>Her boobs press against my head
>Pop 20 boners through my shorts, obvious
>Hope she doesnt notice
>She reaches for a tool, she sees it
>At this point tears are welling up
>Tell her I have to go to the bathroom
>Says shes almost done, I grab my stuff and run the fuck out of there
>Put bag on my shorts to hide my boner
>Somehow buckle on my bag gets caught on my button on shorts
>Still trying to get the hell out of there, almost at the reception area
>Trying to free my bag, button comes off
>Shuffling through the reception area, crying, shorts to my knees in my underwear
>Various kids were waiting for their appointment, see me, start laughing
>Receptionist asks what im doing
>Try to say something but snot from crying gets in the way
>Run the fuck out of there
>Already paid ahead of time for a bunch of appointments
>Decide to never go back
>Realize my social awkwardness is killing my life
>Beta as fuck
>Feels bad man

can i post an alpha story itt?

>>14619904
Please fucking do, it will even out from the beta as fuck kids who lurk our board.

>see movie alone
>a couple sit down two rows in front of me
>female looking around at everyone in the cinema
>she looks over her shoulder at me
>see her in the corner of my eye but don't look back because I'm afraid of confrontation
>she stares for a good 5 seconds
>turns around
>says something to male
>he turns head slightly
>they chuckle to themselves
>my face for the entire fucking movie

>got a really nice 4-pack at 130lbs
>at restaurant with friends
>waitress comes to take order
>all friends and their girlfriends order burgers etc
>"I want a chicken salad and water please"
>everyone chuckles, even the waitress
>friend of mine says "wow, she really has to watch her calories, right?" (I am male)
>everyone starts laughing
>stand up
>pull up my tshirt
>show em my four-pack
>sit down
>"Yeah, get me this salad please"
>waitress flushes and goes away mumbling something
>my friends shake their heads
>girlfriends looking at each other then trying not to have eye-contact with me
>alpha as fuck

Funny thing is, I'm not even lying you betafags

>not realizing these are all pasta

>>14619913
heres one just from tonight
>go to party at my bros house
>get smashed
>go outside to smoke pipe
>neighors on back side of property having party as well
>start talking to them
>all milfs
> hop the fence,dance with all of them, shoot the shit etc.
>ask to use bathroom
>one of them follows me in, gives me some ridonk dome
>hang out for a little while more before leaving
>drive home drunk
>post story on 4chan because i cant sleep for some reason
>mfw

>>14619964
>implying being insecure and making a scene is alpha

I really really hope I'm being trolled here.

CAN YOU FAGGOTS SERIOUSLY NOT FIND ONE PERSON TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH?!?!?!?
Fucking christ guys.........
I'm a fucking scumbag but I have still never had this problem
I am disappoint /sp/

The Day I found out being a socially awkward weird kid could turn violent

>acne, foreveralone beta skinny boy
>walking home from school with my head down because i walk with a slouch
>group of 3 kids behind me on bikes
>they ride behind, left, and right of me
>they start to call me "pizzaface" and other stuff about my acne
>the one behind me rams his bike tire into my leg and shin
>turn around, but do nothing
>he says "haha faggot what are u gonna do"
>i dont reply
>the one on the left does a fake punch to make me flinch
>i flinch really bad and the one behind me pushes me really hard that my head tilts back
>the one on the right puts me in a headlock
>at this point they are full on beating on me
>fall to my knees still in a headlock, while one is kicking me
>they slap my in the cheek repeatedly and one kicks my skull
>one is on top of me pounding my face in with punches as i am barely conscious
>they then proceed to kick my head in like a soccer ball and a bunch of cars passed by and no one helps
>wake up in the hospital
>never return to that school again

>>14619930

You were there by yourself weren't you.

>have really bad farts and constipation for ages and ages
>very fat so any farts sound super loud as my cheeks osscilate against each other
>realise that if i can get the has out of my ass without it passing the cheeks everything will be fine
>connect mcdonalds straws together and make a pipe out of them, taping the seems
>put one end into my ass to releive pressure
>other end goes into a fanny pack i wore that contains several air filters
>all goes well, the filters work well enough, the smell and sound of my farts go
>have mexican for lunchh, feel the gas build up, no fear however, my filtration system will save me
>get into lessons and start farting a lot, my filtration system starts to fail
>open it up and start to replace the activated carbon inside and the water percolator from my water bottle
>teacher sees me and asks what im doing
>i say nothing, she comes over anyway
>desperately try to hide my filtration system, accidently breaking the intake pipe from my ass
>just as she comes over my stomach rumbles and i begin to squirt liquid shit
>it goes up the pipe and causes it to spray all over the teacher
>shitting mcdonalds straw pipe is spraying shit everywhere, flying around from the pressure of my shit mixed with farts going through while i try to grab it
>try to run out of class but my legs have gone dead sitting there
>fall over at the front of class and slowly crawl out as everyone stares at me horrified as i leave a trail of shit
>am expelled from school, the teacher caught some disease from my shit apparently

>>14620040
omg please stop

i almost had a heart attack

>>14619857
more like Idiotic Bull Shit amirite?

>>14620040
i lol'd heartily

>want to go to the movies
>everyone is bust
>go myself
>sit down
>put feet up
>watch movie
>leave

The end.

>go to movies alone
>no one bothers me at all because i'm not a beta faggot

>>14620040
im still laughing
that was a really good one, props.

I've always been insecure about the size of my cock, being a virgin and all and always seeing threads about how girls love big cock ect

but anyway recently i went to a doctor for UTI checkup cause it was stinging when i pee. I will green text the rest

>sched appt for my possible UTI
>read online that doctors dont even check your penis for UTI checks up
>all good for me, especially since i have White Coat Anxiety (my dick shrivels up inside my body due to getting extremely nervous doctors/nurses/dentists ect. when this happens my cock is literally 1 inch or less
>anyway head to doctors office
>nurse takes my pulse and asks if i am nervous because my blood pressure was slightly high
>i shrug it off
>hot 35 year old or so doctor walks in, cute brunette
>"okay so you think you might have a UTI? When did the pain start?"
>answer all questions
>"okay lets take a look"
>"oh uhhhh ummm i thought i could just take a urine test"

>"its nothing to worry about, i do this all the time"
>at this point i can literally feel my cock shrivel up inside my body, like almost to a point where i feel like its gonna get stuck
>pull down pants in shame
>"hmm where is it?? oh there it is"
>"it's okay, you're nervous"
>this is when i see shes actually CHUCKLING, SHES LAUGHING AT MY COCK. A PROFESSIONAL DOCTOR WAS LAUGHING AT MY COCK
>tfw I will NEVER fucking recover from that night and that day I completely lost my faith in God and became athiest.

>go to movies by myself because I can
>ask ticket bitch for my ticket "ticket for one for Percy Jackman!"
>ticket bitch says "for ONE? what's it like going to the movies alone?"
>I say "Yes, for one. what's it like earning 9 dollars an hour?" laugh in ticket bitch's face and walk away
>walk up to stub ripper...say "IS THIS YOUR WHOLE JOB? YOUR PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD LOL" rip my own stub because I'm not an idiot
>enter eatery, walk up to servant "what will you have?" she asks, "it's okay! I brought my own!" I say while showing her the contents of my backpack with cola and homemade popcorn inside
>turn to those behind me and say "ENJOY PAYING THREE BUCKS FOR COLA, MORONS"
>make my way to cinema doors...notice lots of couples
>"WHAT IS THIS? MAKE OUT HOUR? THIS IS A MOVIE MORONS, NOT A FUCKING LOVE IN, GTFO"
>laugh at them as they leave in embarrassment
>cinema all to myself, put my feet up and throw popcorn at my face because that's how I eat it

>>14620181
nice

>>14620158
>I completely lost my faith in God and became athiest.

I lold

I can't tell if it's American/sp/ or Euro/sp/ right now but I am going to pin most of these on Yurop.

I mean I seriously doubt there are Americans who are this beta.

>>14620158
>"it's okay, you're nervous"

shes laughing because you're nervous retard, health professionals see too many cocks to care

>>14620215
>implying this isn't an assload of /v/ copy-pasta

If you go to /v/ there's probably a thread on this right now

>>14620279
she said "hmm where is it" (jokingly)
I did not find that funny at all.

Anyone else just get banned right now and lifted at the same time?

That was weird.

>>14620294

There's a thread in /tv/ just now with the exact same copypasta.

>>14620337
It's still sad because each of these actually happened to someone in the passed.

Also the acneforeveralone boy one is real, hes talking about it on /tv/

>beta stories thread
lol, every day you can count on amerishit /sp/ to make you feel better bout your own life.
>ameribetas

>>14619590
Most of these include the world "theatre" when in America we spell it "theater"

Yurop confirmed for beta as fuck. I also love you you guys happen to get slapped and punched in the face so randomly, must be ugly as fuck.

>At school
>been constipated for 4 weeks
>Finally begin to recover
>IT IS TIME.jpg
>ask teacher if i can go to toilet
>she nods
>walk with purpose to the bathroom
>sit myself down on the toilet
>nothing
>suddenly, sharp pain as my anus is stretched by this massive excretion
>sweating and stomping my feet furiously from the pain
>take my shirt off to allow free movement
>reach over and grab the sink
>im holding on for dear life
>push as hard as i fucking can
>stop when i realistically feel like im going to black out
>look into bowl
>shit is halfway out of my anus, too late to swallow it back in
>push and push to no avail
>my anus has become a trampoline
>crying at this point
>decide to reach into my ass and pull the fucker myself
>feels like a fucking soda can
>forcefully rip it out of my asshole, screaming in unbearable agony
>black out
>wake up an hour later
>forgot to lock the door
>entire school saw me lying down in a pool of my own ganglion/crimson-like excretion and a cesspool of my own blood
>everyone taking pictures of me
>get called shitboy for the rest of the year
>have to change schools,towns,cities,states,countries,continents,hemispheres
>feels bad bros..

>>14620396
>>get called shitboy for the rest of the year

>tfw my nickname was was Shitlocker because jocks would constantly throw hard pieces of shit into the cracks of my locker

>>14619764
>ameribetas
no seriously.. how one country be this beta?

>go to theatre alone
>Ask snack girl for a mr pibb
>"lol wtf is that, do you mean dr pepper?"
>be a beta and just say "close enough" also order gummy bears
>later, when I'm comfortably seated in an empty theatre, i open my carton of gummies
>at that moment a group of girls and two guys walk in, talking loudly
>they sit right behind me, giggling everywhere
>one guy says "lol look at this loser"
>"you couldnt even get someone to see a movie with you, you pathetic fuck"
>girls laughing, some coo "awww, leave him alone"
>try to ignore them, eat some gummies
> accidentally spill them all over myself
>burst of laughter
>"GUMMY BEARS, BRO? REALLY? LOL THIS GUY IS EATING GUMMY BEARS"
>"WOAH SLOW DOWN THERE, DONT CHOKE, CHIEF"
>about to cry from frustration, turn around and say "this isn't high school, please fucking leave me alone and act like adults"
>burst of laughter
>"OK GUMMY BEAR MAN, JUST CHILL BRO, WE WERE ONLY PLAYIN"
>go back to ignoring them
>suddenly feel popcorn tub shoved on my head
>i spill my drink all over my pants
>giggles and laughter
>run out of the theatre to the sound of "U PEE UR PANTS, MAN? OH SHIT MAN, I THINK WE MADE HIM CRY HAHAHAHA

>>14620421
Man I fucking hate when people pour a huge tub of soda on me.

Its like honestly what the fuck. I can get up and fight you because im all sticky

I cant run away because i am drenched

I cant stay there because im sticky and drenched in soda

I cant get into a car because im sticky

I cant change clothes because i dont bring extra pairs of clothes with me

Basically i have to go to the restroom and sit there in front of the air blower thingy for hours on end just to dry up and i miss the movie i payed 11 dollars for

>>14620421
This pissed me off just reading it.

>>14620457
yep, wet spot on pants?????

AUTOMATICALLY MEANS YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS HAHAH I AM GOING TO YELL IT OUT LOUD

Seriously why don't you faggots stand up for yourself. Some of these stories have shat me up the wall. Throw a punch if someone is going to treat you like crap. Beta faggots

>>14620485
Go to jail and make your mom pay a huge fine because a group of kids made fun of you?

Just deal with it and move on.

>>14620040
this is why I still come to 4chan every single day

Yeah, if I had a bunch of faggots sitting behind me trying to act tough to impress their girlfriends I wouldn't put up with that shit even if the end result is me getting my ass beat by a group of tards.

>>14620497
I doubt you would go to jail, the police would take one look at you and see a lone beta, and look at the other guys and see a group of cocky faggots, and at least one of the girls would be so scared shitless they would tell the whole story and you'd be defending yourself.

>>14619590
Wait wait wait they didn't puke from the smell of your cream/shit/spaghetti on your junk?

>2011
>going to the cinema

easy solution

after the first guy throws popcorn/soda/whatever on you, throw your shit back. His cocky ass won't put up with that, not with his friends watching. The very second his pseudo alpha ass *shoves* you, turn around and right hook the business out of his grill. If he's some wannabe tough guy, that one punch will be enough to put his ass to sleep. Of course his friends will be stunned by this and not doing anything. And just to be sure, stare down his buddies with your arms extended, then yell "COME AT ME, BRO"(important that you YELL this phrase loud as possible) promptly grab your coat and head for the exit before any security shows up.

Congratulations. You just unleashed the alpha inside of you.

>>14620588
yeah cept that im really skinny, always nervous, and always on the verge of a nervous breakdown

as soon as anyone were to throw something at me i would be shivering in cold sweats and break down and tear up

>>14620040
I laughed so hard at this that I was literally sitting at my desk, silently because I lost my breath, clapping like a retarded circus seal.

>>14620497
>implying a provoked fight would be brought up in court and not just tossed right out.

You are a beta faggot, dont pretend you lift weights and have any power behind a punch but at least people would defend you or stop making fun of you if you at leasted stood up for yourself

>>14620783
I am not going to rush in like a retard and fight 4 people.

I would get stomped and kicked nearly to death and robbed of everything on me.

>>14620789
10/10
Your beta is just mind boggling. I can't believe i am becoming so furious at someone this beta.

>>14620385
ctrl+f 4 instances of the word theatre, 1 in this post and 3 in a post afterwards, wtf are you talking about nigga

>>14620807
You would rush 4 grown men just because they talked shit about your weight?

Grow a fucking pair and stop taking what people say so seriously. Oh wait you're a pathetic tripfag, looking for all the attention you can get.

>>14620826
>implying im not a grown man
>allowing anyone to dump a tub of popcorn on you and just walking out
Yeah, I sure do need to grow a pair

>that feel when I actually pissed my pants once after getting jumped and fighting the guy off

that adrenaline just makes it happen sometimes I guess. I was wearing black trousers so no one knew, but I had to play a show with the thought in my head that maybe I smelt like piss.

>mfw I once pissed my pants while walking home with a guy from elementary school, he said "did you just piss your pants?" and laughed at me, but it never went further than that, and even without me getting on his shit about it, he kept it to himself like a bro.

>>14620854
Ohh big bad tripfags is gonna execute all 4 of his enemies!

Protip: you are a skinny white boy in moms basement.
Hope this helps.

Fucking beta faggots. Learn how to be a fighter like me, I can knock out 13 kids all at once because I am trained in MMA, TKD, Karate, Boxing, and Wrestling.

Shameful idiots.

>>14620886
I didn't post that i would beat all 4 of them, but i wouldnt let them dump a tub of popcorn on me and not do anything.

>calling a movie a "cinema"

fuck i was mind fucked by the end... i thought u were at Five Guys.

>>14619964
brer. there is nothing alpha about flashing your body at women. what are you some kind of performing animal?

>>14620881

What a bro.

>>14619764
jesus christ. just go to the fucking cinema and watch the movie and if people take the piss stare at them and if they continue tell them to fuck off

>go see film alone
>sit down in empty row near the back
>group of girls come in and start to walk down my row
>8/10 sits next to me
>she smiles and I smile awkwardly back
>she starts arguing with her friend about how there was time to get popcorn before the movie starts
>she says how hungry she is
>i pull a tub of spaghetti from out of my pocket and offer her some
>she looks at me like I'm Jesus and enthusiastically accepts
>she gets up and beckons me to follow
>leads me into the toilets where she starts to kiss me
>she leaves after a minute or two
>i notice my wallet is missing
>bitch stole my wallet


>mfw there was only a library card and a couple of coins in there

>>14620975
and if you don't look miserable and nervous nobody will pay you any notice at all.

I'm a chronic loner and never get hassled anywhere

>friend asks me to go to a movie
>he has two chicks with him (one being his gf)
>the older than me by a few years but nice looking (they planned on hooking me up with her)
>we arrive late
>they dont have spots in a row
>we all have to sit individually
>movie already started
>feek awkward as fuck
>go to my seat
>jocks all around me
>they have already put their jackets on my seat
>have to ask them to move it
>the couple of my right is loud kissing the entire movie
>the movie sucked
>at the end of the movie we all meet up and i dont even say a single word to the other girl, they were all conversating except for me and i just stood there and said nothing the whole night

>also dat awkward moment when she was hugging everyone but skipped me

fuck my life

>>14621021

>also dat awkward moment when she was hugging everyone but skipped me

THAT FUCKING FEEL

>>14621035
that's fucking cold dude.

what kind of girls do you hang out with?

>>14621021

Dat feel, man...

Oh god, thank you for this based morning. I love waking up to a nice comedy thread.

I am honestly laughing at all of you virgins and your stories.

Its like im really on /b/ or /a/

>>14621046
I don't truly know any girls, my friends are just hanging out with girls and I go with them sometimes. At least they shake my hand but never look in my eyes.

>>14621107
i remember in high school when girls would hug my friends and they would like hug me last with no enthusiasm and they actually had to think about if they should do it or not

>>14621021
>>14621035

I take solace in the fact they will never know or care who I am after the night is over.

>This fucking thread

>>14621144
cept shes a friend of my friends girlfriend so she comes by every once in a while and probably refers to me as the beta loser guy

>>14619677
>>14619677
>>14619677
>>14619677
how did i manage to skip this one

oh god lulz were had, lulz were had.

Not a beta story, but it's cinema related:

>go see a movie with my grandmother
>mostly empty, some people sitting up in the back rows but I don't look too closely
>half-way through the film, feel something hit my shoulder
>wtf some cunt is throwing M&Ms at me
>turn around to tell them to cut that shit out expecting to see some kids
>the only people behind us are 6/7 really old ladies (about the same age as my grandma, easily in their 70s) giggling like schoolgirls
>mfw

>>14620404
AHAHAHAHA SHITLOCKER

>>14621241
of course you have absolutely "zero" beta stories, you're a tripfag.

Means you're a millionaire and your life is super great.

>>14621241

How is your weight these days?

>Be the cool jock at school
>School assembly
>Hang in the back row of the gym with my bros and 8s and throw stuff at the fucking nerds
>They turn around
>"what you gonna do about it, nerdy boy?"
>They do nothing
>Want to push my popularity to a higher level
>Run up to one of the nerds in the lower row
>Pull his pants down
>Everyone laughs at him
>Say "haha I bet he would like it if a dude sucked his penis haha fag"
>Act like I'm going to put my mouth on his penis
>He sneezes
>The tip of his penis accidentally touches my mouth
>The entire gym goes silent
>Girl starts screaming and everyone starts calling me a fag
>Start crying
>Put my hoodie up and run away
>Trip on a cord tied to the basketball rim
>Pee on myself while falling and break nose on impact
>Everyone laughs harder
>Former friend runs over and pulls my pants down showing my small penis and hairy buttcheeks
>Start crying harder
>Look to the right
>Brian Scalabrine running at me
>He's not wearing any pants or underwear
>Jumps and dunks on the basketball rim above me
>His nuts are covering my eyes so I can't see
>Start flailing uncontrollably
>Start pooping soft served ice cream out of fear
>Principal escorts me out of the gym
>Calls my parents
>Mom grabs me by the penis and escorts me to her van

worst fucking day ever

>go to movies by myself because when i go with someone all they want to do is talk
>completely empty
>sit 2 rows from the back
>2 girls and 1 guy walk in talking very loudly and saying "fuck" every other word
>no older than high school
>they shit right fucking behind me
>think to myself calling them ignorant fucks but whatever
>movie trailers start, they talk about them
>notice their conversation has turned to me
>"lol fucking loser goes to the fucking movies by himself"
>ignore them
>the guy pats me on the shoulder saying "by yourself bro, too bad"
>then one of them stands up to go to the bathroom
>popcorn must have been on their lap because it ended up dumped over my head
>it's go time
>stand up
>blast the one standing up as hard as i can in the face thinking it was the guy
>turns out it was one of the girls
>i split her jaw bone in half
>cops are called
>turns out the bitch turned 18 the day before
>i get arrested for assault
>spend the night in jail
>all charges are dropped because of video of them instigating the fight

>>14621271
Oh, I have plenty of beta-ish stories. That's just one I've not told before because it happened recently.

>>14621274
Same old same old, more or less. I haven't had much money for food recently though so who knows, I might even drop a pound.

>>14621300

>they shit right fucking behind me


ewwwwww

>>14621287

>back during 5th grade
>taking a god awful shit in the school bathroom
>black kids were in there
>they start laughing at my shitting
>ask who I am
>tell them to please leave
>they throw water soaked toilet paper at me
>start crying
>they eventually leave
>wipe, wash hands, go outside
>they're sitting outside with 10 people they brought over
>the one is pointing at me jumping up and down screaming "this is the shit faggot"
>mfw

>>14621300
atleast try to make it look weird

>also yfw you realize they dont have cameras inside movie theater viewing rooms

>>14621307

Nice. Keep on truckin'. :)

>>14621329
>>they throw water soaked toilet paper at me

This. All of my why. Why would people do this to the kids in the shitter? I fucking DREADED taking shits at school.

>15 of us go on holidays to spain
>walking with 6 of the girls, meeting the guys elsewhere since i took forever to get ready
>roid head alpha faggot comes out of nowhere, says if i enjoy being their girlfriend (am a male)
>mumble, trying to say something
>girls behind overhear and converse silently and quickly
>one by one, they come up to me and french kiss
>glorius.jpg
>roid head now beta faggot walks away without a word

>2011
>Not taking spaghetti to the cinema

>>14621359
Another tripfag who posts fake alpha stories

See a trend here?

>>14621287
>Brian Scalabrine running at me
>He's not wearing any pants or underwear
>Jumps and dunks on the basketball rim above me
>His nuts are covering my eyes so I can't see
>Start flailing uncontrollably
>Start pooping soft served ice cream out of fear

>>14621355

I have never done a shit in a public restroom, and god willing I never will

>>14621359
>Tripfags
>making shit up to cover their miserable life forcing an identity to an anonymous japanese imageboat

ALWAYS pick two

>Pretty good /sp/ Beta thread going on
>Tripfags ruining it with made up faggot wannabe alpha shit

If you wanted your proof that all tripfags are attention whores, there you have it.

>be on /sp/
>samefag the beta thread

>>14621379

it's true. oh well, i never really expected many to believe it anyway.

>walk up to this ugly weird looking kid walking with 6 girls
>say "hey faggot, enjoy being the bitch of the group?"
>he says nothing
>i walk up to his face and slap him repeatedly
>his girls back off and get wet
>at this point he fell on his ass and i gave him a swift kick straight to the jaw
>he fell back and cracked his skull
>i then punted his head in and made him even more ugly
>i took his wallet, ipod, and iphone

>also his girls asked if they could go home with me but they were all 6's, not worth my time and i declined them. then i spat on the ugly kick and laughed and walked off with his money

>>14619743
>Potato
>Mexican restaurant

>at the Empire State Building
>drove my maserati up to it
>taking the elevator up to the top floor
>old lady is in there
>bitch is front
>get in her face
>UMIRIN OLD BITCH
>YOU JELLY DEAL WITH IT NERD
>she cries and runs off
>alpha as fuck
>get to the top
>chick is about to jump
>quickly stick my dick in her
>she cries tears of joy
>they rename the building in my honor

Pick related, its me.

everyone posting beta stories

suddenly....TRIPFAGS

>alpha as fuk
>fucked this girl
>beat 3 kids up
>called up more girls
>my bros called me up im popular

jesus christ get a fucking life fat basement dweller. we can see right through your insecurity

Good thread derailed by tripfags

I am out, peace.

>No.14619677

oh fuck man i just lost it, tears in my eyes

>>14621456

>good thread
>copy pasta, right the way through by anonfags

Pick both.

>>14621467
which one?

>be American
>go to England on vacation
>go to Arsenal-Chelsea game
>800lb niggers pulls his big nigger dick out and starts waving it at white women
>what the fuck am i watching.bmp
>he notices that i'm full on glaring at his dick
>"DA FUH U LOOKIN AT? YA GAY OR SUMTIN?"
>the English have such a beautiful accent
>he starts climbing rows towards me
>bend over and pull my pants down and spray shit all over him
>stops him dead in his tracks
>my face is right in the guy behind me's lap
>pulls his dick out and forces me face down on it
>end up liking it so i put my finger in his moist boypussy
>he moans
>black guy ends up fucking me in the ass
>we all 3 cum at the same time
>crowd is watching
>players have stopped and are watching
>someone starts a slow clap as we all pull our pants up
>after the game
>all 3 of us walk into the bathroom together
>HAHA TIME FOR ROUND 2
>bathroom is full
>everyone looks at us
>get on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

been gay ever since

>>14621472
You
>fat
>still living with mommy
>severe depression
>want to become "known" on a small 4chan board
>look mom im famous on /sp/

pick all of them

>>14621490

more like, pick none. stay jelly, faggot.

>>14621504
"look mom people know me on /sp/!!"

"haha i bet they thinki have friends now"

>>14621515

keep crying.

>Reading this thread
>Laughing so hard
>Bursts of laughter cause me to start farting hard too
>explosive laugh
>fart explosion
>it was wet

>>14621488
>moist boypussy

>get beat up and lunch stolen every single day by this black kid all throughout middle school
>after months of this i finally muster up enough courage to confront him
>i say "u want my money come fight me then bitch"
>so we agree to fight after school
>meet him at the fight spot
>hes there
>rush in and throw a wide punch
>miss completely
>black kid knees my in the stomach
>he knocks me down with a right hook
>he kicks my face in repeatedly
>then he went chimpmode and and started beating my face until i was unrecognizable
>principle came
>suspended both of us
>get death threats from black kids older brother
>get my friends dad to buy me a bb gun (Co2 gas airgun)
>looks completely real
>return to school
>black kid sees my gun and tells on me
>expelled from school and forever known as that weird ugly kid who got beat and up brought a gun to school

anyone know that feel?

>>14621532
im known on 4chan

>>14621575

you should change your name, it's already taken. =]

but i do feel sorry for you, you have my sincere condolences.

>get on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

tears.

>>14621649
nah this is my new perm trip

hope you dont mind
pce

>Be a scrawny 15 year old (back in the day)
>Go to cinema with friend, can't remember what to see
>5/6 chav kids sit on the row behind us (this is in the UK)
>They are making noise throughout the movie and throwing things about
>Sit there and try to ignore them
>Nobody is saying anything to them as they might be from a rough housing estate in the town
>They continue throwing popcorn and shouting things out
>One of them spits on the back of my neck
>I lose it, climb over the row and start beating the shit out the kid as his mates look on in horror
>Cinema staff come in and remove me from the cinema
>Banned for life
>Kid had an older brother who was a notorious hard case, says he is going to give me a beating when he next sees me
>Worried every time I go out around the town

>>14621667
you beat on one guy and none of his friends did anything? damn son u crazy

>>14621649

>dat insecurity

pic related its Dynasty.

funny how insecure these kids get

I can't believe how much this thread has gone downhill.

>>14621488
>this is what happens at every yuropeein soccer game

>>14621685

Think they were more shocked than anything. I went nuts, was like I had all this anger building up inside me throughout the movie and I finally snapped.

>>14621707
haha another kid trying to copy my trip.

It would be funnier if I actually cared, but I dont.

>doesnt care
>makes a post to tell everyone he doesnt care

>>14621725
Don't get too mad there buddy, it's too early for that.

>>14621667

to deal with the older brother...you should befriend a trap vampire, then set a trap for him at an indoor pool when he tries to drown you.

>>14621730

but im not mad

im only pointing out the obvious

i really wish you faggots would stop stealing my name and trip -.-

>>14621731

why not just befriend a trap and fuck the trap.

Then just never go into town because you stay at home all day fucking your trap.

>Dat Dynatsy buttmad equaling told.

>Fat, ugly, socially awkward girl
>Go to seaworld alone
>Try to ignore everyone's stares
>Enjoying the Orca show
>Getting hungry
>Take spaghetti out of my pocket but accidently drop it on my lap
>Run to bathroom to clean it up before the show finishes
>Jocks stop me by the pool
>"What's this whale doing out of the water? Let's put him back in guys"
>They lift me up and throw me in the water
>Everyone laughs
>Shit myself out of embarrassment
>Huge brown cloud surrounding me
>Orcas stop performing
>Pod of Orcas start laughing at me
>One of them pretends to eat me
>New cloud of shit erupts from my asshole
>Realise that I can't swim
>Start choking and spluttering on the shitty water
>All the lifeguards and Seaworld staff have collapsed laughing and don't notice that i'm drowning
>Almost die
>Photographs of me drowning in my own shit used as promotional advertising
>Seaworld offers me job making a fool of myself because the promotional campaign was so successful
>Decline and try to keep any dignity I have remaining
>Turns out they hired someone else and she's now making millions as an entertainer after she bridged the Seaworld humiliation-Primetime television acting gap

Fuck you Rosanne Barr

OH GAWD I'M SUCH A FAGGOT

This Fucking Thread!

>>No.14621731
im a longtime sp lurker and im in a rage at how much a of an attention whoring prick you are being in this thread. go back and read your posts, ew. Anonymous has no ego, unlike you, thanks for ruining a great thread you dopey cunt.

/rant off

Can I has sum moar validation pl0x?

I am ALPHA AS FUCK!

I can make up more stories to prove it if you liek?

>>14621241

Lul wut

i want Messi's cock inside of me

>go to club with friends
>start talking to this solid 5 on the dance floor
>go to the bar with her, buy her a drink and talk for a while
>buy her a few more drinks
>we are pretty drunk by this point
>friend comes over and asks if we are coming back to dance on the dancefloor
>say no as we can just dance here by the bar
>start dancing a provocative dance in front of the girl while no one else at the bar is dancing
>every by the bar starts looking and laughing
>even friend starts laughing
>girls starts laughing at me and walks away back to her friends
>go home alone

>>14619743

Hahahah

that was Alpha as fuck until you reacted to her staring at you and put it on your plate... gamma as fuck

what the fuck kind of movie theathres do you people go to, I usually go alone and never seen such behaviour

my guess is most of these are made up. Just like all the "jocks" and "bullies" stories, you've seen lots of tv, and that's it.

>>14621930
to add to this - schools where nerds are locked up in their lockers do not exist, it's a fine topic but people aren't that violent to eachother as you people picture it. Most people don't give a fuck about others

I went to the cinema by myself once. I was 11 years old, and I only went bymyself because all my friends lived far away from the cinema because I had just recently moved and I really wanted to see that movie.

Alpha as Fuck.

>>14620181

mfw bringing your own pop corn

no wonders girls ignore you. beta as fuck.

>beta stories thread
>178 posts and 32 image replies omitted.
>amerifat /sp/

>Turn 18
>Foreskin falls off in shower
>Show it to mom
>She bakes it into a cake
>Whoever gets the slice with the foreskin has to kiss me
>Brother gets it
>Gay incest

Why did OP start the thread with another unfunny fake greentext story? "Spaghetti falls out my pocket" and every other lame "joke" will never be funny.

>be 20
>go to cinema alone (I have friends but none of them wanted to go)
>find half empty row of seats
>sit down
>group of solid 7 chicks sit down next to me
>start talking to the one sat next to me
>go to bathroom
>comeback and realise the girls have switched places with each other (I'm no longer sat next to them, I'm sat in-between them)
>start talking to them again
>we laugh and joke about one of the ads
>film ends
>about to leave, one asks for my cell phone number

>i've now been happily married to her for 4 years

>Minding my own business and installing OpenBSD on my router
>Mama starts yelling from downstairs
>"What is it mama?"
>"SERGIO! EL COMPUTER NO WORKO! NO GUSTA!"
>Go downstairs, find that there is taco sauce on the monitor, tostadas on the keyboard, tortillas in the optical drive, salsa in the heatsink, guacamole on the southbridge, burritos in the case fan, beans cooking on the fermi, and tacos in the PSU.
>Fuck it, I'll buy her a Mac
>Go to Apple store
>Considering purchasing an iMac
>Steve Jobs is there
>Talks to me about the iMac
>I get really hyped for the iMac
>Decide to buy it on the spot
>Reach for my wallet
>Suddenly, spaghetti spills out of my pocket
>There's spaghetti on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur
>Try to clean it all up
>I look down
>There's fur in the spaghetti, leading to the realization that I am a bear

>>14622112

>marrying a solid 7
>getting married at all

>>14622193
She looks better now.

>>14622272

Why did you marry an Eastern European?

>>14622272

this pic is pretty old btw, she won't let take any more and thinks I deleted these

>>14622304
I live in Prague

>>14622272
She shaped like a little boy. Where the hell are her hips?

>>14622386
WHY ARE YOU POSTING NAKED PICS OF YOUR WIFE

[spoiler]CONTINUE[/spoiler]

last pic of my wife

forgot pic lol

>>14622386

>be 28 bald, chubby, foureyes but lie and soul of the party and make everyone laugh
>moderate success with women
>been single for a year
>friends hook up, hard to meet someone
>join plentyoffish.com
>meet 30 year old teacher, easily an 8
>she finds it hard to meet men due to her work load
>2 years later I live off her money, sit in playing vidya and working out
>she comes home, marks homework, fucks my brains out and cooks me dinner
>says she wants to get married
>I'll marry her when I want to
>unlucky 4chan you betas

Not particularly beta, but this happened to me last New years

>have a few friends over the night before we're off to go visit my fiances parents
>she tells me not to drink too much because we have a long car journey ahead and i've only met her parents a few times
>get absolutely pissed with my mates in the house whilst she stands around in the kitchen with her friends complaining about me
>had about 14 pints of smiths, load of laphroaig and 3 bottles of wine
>wake up feeling like shite
>have a full english
>she's not happy at all
>i insist that she drive
>horrible feeling in my stomach
>get to her parents house
>her dad offers me a drink
>its another laphroaig
>take it anyway
>sip it politely and discuss sports for a few minutes
>feel a horrible sensation in my stomach
>ask to go to the bathroom
>they live in a massive house so i walk calmly up the first flight of stairs and sprint the rest of the way
>open the bathroom door
>pull down my jeans
>too late
>turn around
>buckshot all over the walls, the floor, the sink, the toilet, all the toiletries
>smells absolutely disgusting
>shit all over the shop
>realise i've caked the bathroom in gooey shite
>begin to laugh manically
>thankfully the whole thing is tiled so i remove my caked jeans and socks and get to work with the showerhead cleaning the place
>meticulously clean the entire bathroom and it only takes me a few minutes thanks to a high pressure shower head and large quantities of soap
>realise my jeans are covered
>climb into the attic and shove them in a corner
>her brother is away on holiday so i get a pair out of his room that are near identical,put those on and steal socks
>back downstairs, calm and ready
>no one suspects a thing

Went back 4 months later when they were on holiday in America to get my jeans back. By the time I got there they had been eaten away by my acidic shite.

>>14622272

having a lofted bed

what are you in college?

fag

>>14622424
the fuck is wrong with her cunt? like a stray stand of labia? jesus

>>14622455
pics were taken at my mothers

>>14622504

Is your mother in college?

>>14622517
it's my sisters room

>>14622504
>dat double chin

this is the last now
she's kill me if she found out

>>14622272
>>14622272
>>14622386
>>14622424
>>14622504

If this is what passes for a "solid 7" in Bohemia, it's time for me to learn Czech and move to Prague.

>You now realize that your GF has had many more dicks in her pussy then you had pussys on your dick

;_;

>>14622612
ugly as fuck

>>14622612

>tineye the pics
>find site
>poster confirmed for beta as fuck.

nice fantasy world faggot.

>>14622272
>>14622386
>>14622424
>>14622504
>>14622612
Your wife looks like a skinny version of a chubby ex gf I had. Like EXACTLY how she would look if she lost about 25lbs. Damn, she would have looked so much better if she had lost some weight. Oh well. She was a crazy insecure bitch, anyway. Congrats on the hot wife anon.

>>14620385
>only one post in the whole thread uses the spelling theatre

Amerifats confirmed for making up bullshit to feel better about themselves and expecting us to buy it

>>14622709
i posted these on another site

>>14622746

of course you did...

>>14622746
If this whole thing is true, you are a very bad husband.

>>14622746

HAHA so this pic doesn't exist since as you said >>14622612 was the last one...

SO BETA

moar here: amabitch(dat)com/index(dat)php?site=19

... This is a copypasta from /tv/

you guys are so beta /sp/...

>>14619590

Wow, I am by no means "alpha" as all the /sp/artans are obsessed with being, but that isn't even beta. That's like zeta? Omega? Gamma? One of them would work. Man the fuck up and quit being such a pussy.

>>14622969
So this guy said girl in pic is his wife, then went on to post pics.. then someone called him out.. and it's actually some random slut from a website that he just saved?

Fucking hilarious. He can't be from /sp/

...he pissed on you?

Even in a made up story, who pisses on people? Am I missing some sort of pissing on people epidemic?