>>892956

Drain the ocean.

Implement Big Shell protocol.
Create MGS2 in real life.

Crash a sand-tanker.

seed spill with genetically modified bacteria that eat hydrocarbons

move over to other sources of power and the faggots going BAWWWWWWWWWWW can go fuck themselves after we appropriate their funds to buy more equipment to really do something about the oil spill

>>892975


That barely worked for the la le li lo lu it's not gonna work for us.

Create a car with a really long hose that runs off of seawater with oil in it and then require everyone on the coastal cities to buy one.

Take all the contaminated water and shoot it into a decaying orbit around the earth where the end point is Beijing

>>892981
Jesus Christ. you mad man, that would destroy all life on earth!

ALL LIFE ON EARTH

>>893008
nuh uh

>>893008

Shut up you faggot, then we create shrimp that only eat bacteria that feed off of hydrocarbons

>>893014

yeah.
[x] Told

I personally would nuke Iran.

>>893024
An then we can release Gorillas that only eat shrimp to prevent overpopulation

>>893024

what happens when we have massive shrimp populations destroying ocean ?

>>893036

see:

>>893034

And we only make one Godzilla so it can't mate

>>893036
see
>>893034

Build a "Hemodialysis"-like submarine and filter the water retaining the oil inside.

>>893034

temporal paradox

>>893034

>>893042

Oops I read that as Godzilla not gorilla. Godzilla makes more sense because, seriously, gorillas? That's just asinine.

>>893046

Then we shoot the oil into space where we make the landing zone Beijing!

I DONT BELIEVE IN OIL. THEREFORE THERE IS NOTHING TO CLEAN.

FUCKING LIBERALS.

>>893034

And then we make niggers to... oh wait.

>>893063

Sorry /sci/entists. thought I was on /k/

I would send out coupons for free hotel rentals in Corpus Cristi all around New Jersey

>>893060
no, then we recycle...

>>893086
wouldn't that make it worse?

>>893094

What are you, some kind of fuckin liberal?

>>893109

dey sunk er oil rig!

Oil-Control Blotting Paper.

squirt loads of detergent into the water

i'm sure that'll fix everything

>>893153

This gives me an idea!

First we dig up Jerry Garcia's corpse and get a bunch of pictures of him holding up today's newspaper. Then we spread those photos around the hippie community and say he is about to come out of hiding on the gulf coast, and that he faked his own death but the poisoning of the earth was too much for him to keep quiet about. Then when all the old hippies show up tripping on acid wading out into the gulf of mexico looking for him we just light the whole thing on fire!

>Post question on /sci/

>Get answers from /b/

>You are tasked with overseeing the gulf oil spill cleanup. What brilliant idea do you bring to the table?

LOL YEAH RIGHT, HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA SOLVE A PROBLEM WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT IT IS?

BEFORE ANYONE ELSE POSTS IN THIS THREAD THEY ARE REQUIRED TO READ EVERYTHING ON THIS PAGE AND LOOKUP ANYTHING THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42065772@N06/4551846015/

Go back in time and buy some BOPs that actually worked.

Forcibly rape the Queen of England on live TV. Maybe on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Nanobots

I would let G-d take care of the problem, in his infinite loving wisdom he will best take care of his children.

>>893193

A Jew in my /sci/? More likely than I think?

By applying the Jewnicron principle, and using the inverse trig function, I can convince the Oil not to do drugs and not to have sex (due to pregnancy and STDS), convincing it to become good Christians and believe in creationism, No Gay Marriage, and be Pro life

>>893193
what is this 'g minus d' ?

>>893193

Would you like a complimentary train ticket?

basically what they are doing right now with the dome. but instead of assuming it's going to work like they are, i'd pour enough money into it to get two or three more options ready. and i would have had it done the week of the spill. all of this would be billed directly to bp, with the promise (to be put into law) that the same will apply to any oil company in the future, and any attempt to wrangle out of it or build in 'insurance' through end-consumer price increases will not be tolerated (the only way to stop from being hit is to not cause ecological disasters).

i'd ignore the effects/cleanup until we got the sources capped (leaving it to others), but then turning immediately to it with the same overblown force as applied to the capping. manual filtration by dragging giant filters behind all ships operating in the area, and mobile pump stations (converted ships) that can go where there are areas of high concentration. in particular all attempts would be made to prevent or diminish the amount of oil getting into the tributaries, and settling there.

basically just make sure we get a blank check from bp.

>>893193

Do you see why everyone hates your people?

>>893226

I would send naked pictures of your mother to every state bordering the gulf so all the residents commit suicide and we don't have to worry about it anymore.

Hire Trojan to construct a giant feminine condom for mother earth.

>>893239
More like a geological sized diva cup.

>>893245
They are supposed to help the environment. I'm sure that would make a lot of hairy hippie women very happy.

I'd get rid of the oil.

>>892956

I would have put these in its place 10 years ago.

>>893274
Why the fuck aren't we doing this?

Is this photo a shoop or real?

>>893281

Because thank god we're not all liberal faggots

>>893281
Those look... expensive to maintain.

>>893281
Pretty sure it's real.

>>893281
>>893285
>>893294
could be that north sea plant?

we're not doing it BECAUSE bp (and all the others) don't want us to. and they own us.

>>893274
I wonder what kind of weird biosystem is going to develop among the pylons, like how we sink ships to create artificial coral reefs

lets make the problem simpler if have a bathtub full of water and i pour 1 can of oil, what would be possible ways to gat the oil back without opening the drain?

>>893331

Get a bucket and put the oily water in the sink

>>893331
A fine skimmer maybe?

>>893063
1/10

>>893335
this is one way. How many alternatives can we imagine?

>>893348

We shoot the bathtub into orbit and figure out how to get it to fall on Beijing

Light it on fire.

Lasers from space.

Start a war in Iran to find and punish the terrorists who did this.
Or just collect the oil that floats on the surface.

>>892956
http://fakescience.tumblr.com/

Everything is how it should be, what are you talking about?
>bah dum tish

>>893351
Think outside of the box!
How do we get Beijing to fall into the oil spill?

>>893378
secret underground catapult built under Beijing?

>>893281

Don't know if it's a shop or not to be honest, but there are quite a few offshore wind farms already.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offshore_wind_farm

blame the sandniggers

create an artificial tornado in the sea spinning at a velocity win which only the oil will be attacted to it.

>>892974
too much tiem
>>892981
too much oil lost


meh, i'm not proposing solutions yet, but great question: with THOUSANDS of MILLIONS of moneys put on those craps, crapy craps that when broken make them lost all of their moneys (i'm eco, so first option is renewable energy sauce, and 2nd, and 3rd, and so on), they still did not hire a mather fucken 21 year old photographer who told to their enginers that:
in the zone of the pipe with the less damage if broken -that zone is the base- you can put an old camera diafragma that will shut when suited conditions -such as massive pressure drops, or fiber glas broken signals, you put some trigers (i prefer my pressure drop)- and problem is half solved. they don't lose their moneys.

long tiem ago i gave up teh idea taht those mother fuckerswould protect enviroment; but the fact that they are THAT stoopidz to lose such an epic qty of moneys, makes me scared of the IQ level of people in this world

if idea gets liked out, please remark that was an anon from southamerica who was worried for this crap. and that such anon is an engineer, giving solution to problems to come, yet no teh one that i here have

>>893521
Are you 11 years old or something?

Light it on fire

Set it on fire. The only areas that will be affected will be places not worth having to begin with.

>>893542
noup. i just being funny. if you want the entire picture, well, i'm too tired and have horrifying english to explain it.
but it's knd of this:
the diaphragma can be activated whit a PAL (pressure alarm low at a P&ID diagram). assuming that when broken, the drill wil go off of the pipe by pressure, then you can shut the diaphragma, with the same mechanism of old cameras (analogs). with proper materials and engineers, a diaphragma that holds the pressure for a week will give enough tiem to bring specific repairing equipment, avoiding environmental damage (my earn) and financial costs (tehir share)

i expect taht you see the big picture now and stop sending crap to beijing (even tho it's funny)

>>893599

Holy fuck learn english if you want anyone to think you aren't stupid.

>>893542
illustrating image for illustrated (?) people

>>893619
i'm on it right now, please introduce corrections if you have

>>893629

1) You sound like a faggot, stop putting dicks in your mouth or on your hands

2) We already figured out the solution. Bottle the water up into opaque ozarka bottles and sell them in Beijing for cheap. If everyone in China drinks just one liter of the oil water we will have solved the spill.

Let it sink to the bottom because the Earth lets out much more fuel naturally every day.

End of thread and fear mongering. Thanks.

>>893624
I am not a drawing >:|

>>893660

The ENTIRETY OF THE PLANET releases more fuel every day than one leak does? Holy fuck I had no idea!!!

bump post is bump

A Vacuum cleaner that would not retain water.

A shamwow 14 square miles

Thousands of remote control boats that any citizen could operate after school using internet google earth. With thousands cooperating it would get done faster.

>>893660
sink?

So, why can't they just set the oil on fire? completely ignoring the collateral damage on local marine life, wouldn't the oil go away?

Build a wormhole and send it to the future, let them worry about it

>>893890
the oil is very thin and watery, there's just not enough to sustain a burn (though they have burned some areas), which is why the spill isn't that devastating, at least in the short term.

>>893918
why not send it to the past, there it would get buried under ground and we could just drill down and get it

>>893931
so drop more oil and burn.

>>893959
that would satisfy our pyromania, but would be a bad solution on the oil problem

throw Eyjafjallajokull ashes over the area. The oil may sink faster.