all numbers are in base 10.

>>809388

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a pint, then the rest order half what the one before them ask for.

The barman says, "you guys are idiots" and pours 2 pints.

.99999...9999=1

Its funny because its true

To get to the other side

Why did the tachyon cross the road?

>>809420
Ha!

A neutrino walks through a bar

>>809444
>>809420

Hah!

>>809417
Your notation implies that the 9's end and then your equation is wrong.

>>809455
Thank you for phrasing it how I was unable to

A neutrino walks into a bar when he is stopped by a police officer. The police officer says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive." The bar tender then pours 2 drinks.

>>809464

I'll have to remember that one.

>>809464

>>809464
Secretly the joke is everyone always posts the same exact jokes in /sci/ joke threads.

>>809481
I caught that. It somehow didn't float up to my conscious mind.

Also, needs something about half empty/half full drinks. And splitting the bill among three guys equally.

Some mathematicians, when solving a problem think "I'll use induction." Now they have two problems: base case and inductive case.

>>809507
this joke is only funny to computer scientists.

>>809495
A neutrino walks into a bar when he is stopped by a police officer. The police officer says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive." The bar tender then pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar.

An infinite number of mathematicians and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) when he is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenburg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar.

>>809530

Why is this so funny.

>>809530

He actually pours 10 drinks, all bases are base ten.

>>809543

Is that some kind of joke? I don't get it.

Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium derp.

An infinite number of mathematicians and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) when he is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenburg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive an a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar.

>>809388
How is that a joke? I would call that a fact.

>>809558
An infinite number of mathematicians and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when he is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenburg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive an a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar.

An infinite number of mathematicians and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when he is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenburg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive an a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar And the chickens flew while passing the bridge.

Jokes to merge:
-when a person comes in, the bus will be empty
-all bases are base 10
-helium doesn't react
-Newton over square meter

>>809573
An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when the neutrino is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenberg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 2 drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water.

>>809591
An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when the neutrino is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenberg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

>>809596
Anytime someone posts a /sci/ joke thread, I'll just post this and be done with it.

An infinite number of mathematicians and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when he is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenburg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots" and pours 10 drinks and there is an extra dollar And the chickens flew while passing the bridge while juggling gold bars.

In Motherland, an infinite number of goat herders and neutrino walk into bar (ow). Police man asks, "where are your goats?". Russian neutrino says, "i'm positive." Bartender says "you're all idiots" pours two vodkas and everyone goes back to work.

>>809596
this one is better, disregard mine.

>>809596
Am I forgetting any jokes?

>>809618
I see no "when a person comes in the bus will be empty" and no "in Australia all goats are black".

lol. someone save this thread cause it will be make history

>>809641
I don't know the bus will be empty joke. Also:

An infinite number of mathematicians, a polar bear, helium, and a neutrino walks into a bar (ouch) and begin to play hide and seek, when the neutrino is stopped by a police officer. Officer heisenberg says, "do you know how fast you were going back there?" The neutrino replies, "I'm positive and a pascal but I don't know where I am." The bar tender then says "you're all idiots, the cows are all black" and pours 10 (in base 2, i mean 10) drinks and there is an extra dollar. The polar bear then dissolves in water while the helium does not react.

dumping so idk if they've been said

A man is flying in a hot air ballon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I was supposed to meet a friend 30 mins. ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer." says the balloonist.

"I am." replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says "You must be a manager."

"I am." replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well", says the man. "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow MY fault."

Why was Heisenberg's wife unsatisfied?

When he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
So, Wener Heisenberg is out driving fast as shit when a cop pulls him over. The policeman says: "Do you have ANY idea how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know exactly where I was."


A biologist, a mathematician, and a engineer are sitting by an empty building. Two people enter, then shortly after, 3 walk out. The engineer remarks, 'We must have miscounted', The biologist remarks 'They must have multiplied. The mathmetician thinks, and remarks 'If one more person goes in, the building will be empty again.'

One summer, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were vacationing in England. Wanting to see the countryside, they boarded a train and were staring out the window when the train passed a single sheep grazing in the field.

The engineer promptly remarked, "I see the sheep in England are black."

To which the physicist replied, "No, sir. What we know is that this single sheep is black."

To which the mathematician angrily corrected, "No, you fools! What we know is that there is one sheep in England and one half of it is black."

Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer walking through a field come upon a farmer.

The farmer asks what is the best way to construct a fence that will contain his livestock (ie., most area for least perimeter). The physicist does some calculus and concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence. The engineer looks at him and laughs. "No, the best way is a circle". The physicist concedes and they start building the fence.

The mathematician just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says "I declare myself to be outside"

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg looks around the bar and says, "Because there are three of us and because this is a bar, it must be a joke. But the question remains, is it funny or not?"

And Godel thinks for a moment and says, "Well, because we're inside the joke, we can't tell whether it's funny. We'd have to be outside looking at it."

And Chomsky looks at both of them and says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the mathematician's room, the can is still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. "Damn! I got a sign wrong..."

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."