>google baby sea lion
>See this

Homigosh. :3 Is it actually possible to buy these anywhere? Is it legal to own them?

Fuck yeah, CARL THREAD

>Looking for place to smoke discreetly
>No smoking signs everywhere
>Some silly shit about the atmosphere being reprocessed and not to release shit into the air yada yada
>Find a dark corner of the observation pod, light up
>Alarm klaxons go off, fire extinguished turret descends from the cieling, blasts me with enough force to knock me on my ass
>I am now on my back, covered in foam with a damp cigarette in my mouth as security officers surround and lecture me
>Such is life in the sea

>Hear about dolphin cult popular in the shallows
>Think it's fruity but mostly ignore it
>Visit shallow water transit port one day
>Suddenly accosted by people in white robes with dolphin tattoos on their foreheads dancing around me, singing
>Ineveraskedforthis.jpg
>Get dragged to their church
>There's a giant transparent basin suspended from the cieling full of water
>Look up to see what's in there
>It's Carl having a 6-way orgy with Dolphins
>He has become their prophet
>Leave for the deep, never return

HOLY FUCK A UNDERWATER THREAD BY MAD SCIENTIST HOW NOVEL.

>Delivering sodasorb to Nereus colony again
>Walking behind tourist couple, eavesedrop
>"..That's why the glass is so thick. If someone broke a hole in it, we'd be sucked out through it and our bodies would explode. That's because the radiation here is more than on Earth."
>There are no words for how this makes me feel

>>3693021

My threads need to be novel? I thought I was making them mainly for my own enjoyment.

>Bioweapons researcher smuggling vial of designer virus out of the sealab to sell to Chinese agents
>The vial is up my ass so it won't show up on the backscatter scanners
>Pass through scanner while showing ID, nervous as fuck
>"You're clean, go on through."
>Feel relieved. Accidentally drop ID, bend to pick it up
>The vial in my ass breaks

>>3693021

>implying Mad Scientist's threads aren't fucking hilarious

Please, continue good Sir.

Hey Mad Scientist! Have you ever thought about being a Dungeon Keeper?

>>3693035
drowning to death probably isn't very pleasant either, especially with all the built in responses we have to prevent drowning...

Alas, with proper engineering and maintenance, neither should be a problem

>Build seabase in the South Pacific.
>Problem with the main generator, don't have the resources to fix it.
>Shut it down, seal it off. Auxiliary batteries should last until a repair crew arrives.
>Jim loses his head. Starts raving in gibberish. Tim tries to calm him down, Jim gets violent. We have to restrain and forcibly sedate him.
>Tim loses his head too. The crew is starting to get demoralised. We lock the two in the sick bay.
>Half the crew has lost it or is on the way there. The bloody sub can't arrive soon enough. I've locked myself in the captain's chamber. Never leave without a loaded revolver.
>The crazies got violent. The last of the loyal men got torn apart by the beasts. I managed to get back to my room in the nick of time. For hours they hammered on the door. Now it's silent. I don't know how much longer I can take.
>PH'NGLUIMGLW'NAFHCTHULHUR'LYEHWGAH'NAGLFHTAGN
>PH'NGLUIMGLW'NAFHCTHULHUR'LYEHWGAH'NAGLFHTAGN
>PH'NGLUIMGLW'NAFHCTHULHUR'LYEHWGAH'NAGLF-

>bitch ass barnacle on the window of my pod
>ignore it
>leave for two weeks on a manganese expedition
>return. barnacles everywhere. fuck
>get a hydrochloric acid solution to dissolve the calcium carbonate
>it's taking too long
>try to chisel them off
>scratch window in the process
>fuck that's an eyesore now i need to invest in a new one
>such is life in the sea

>live in a colony suspended at 300m
>going for a aqua-walk around the colony
>nee Carl's pod
>he's trying to grow seagrass
>damn it Carl we're too deep for photosynthesis

>>3692965 It's lit up like a gay disco

Fuck you buddy, there's nothing gay about disco!

>Staying in upscale hotel
>Dolphin keeps swimming up close and pressing his cock and balls up against the window
>Think "Carl has been here". Try to ignore it.
>Asshole dolphin keeps doing this for literallt 4 hours until I break
>"LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT YOU FAGGOT FISH"
>Yank down pants, press my own junk up against the window
>Right then room service walks in, sees dolphin and me both pressing our junk up against the window at the same time
>I freeze
>dolphin freezes
>TENSO.jpg

>>3693175

What about multiple initialisations in a C for loop?

>oh get a load of this
>this kid is gonna touch that jellyfish
>no keep the black light on
>idiot thinks they're glowsticks

>>3693166

>Asshole knowitall jensen said my planter won't bloom this deep
>Doesn't know plants respond to quantum Ki waves from positive emotions, and if I love it enough it will grow
>Bitch needs to read his Deepak Chopra

>>3693187

LOL, FUCK.

By the way who the fuck is Carl and what is this thread about?

>>3693213
this thread is about life in the sea
carl is your idiot neighbor. you hate him.

bumping this

>japanese restaurants are opening up in every colony
>start farming sea urchins for consumption
>after a good start, populations drop
>can't find anything wrong with them, they just disappear
>one morning go harvesting out of schedule
>see this
Fucking escaped gengineered worker crabs.
Nothing but a bunch of bums I tell you.

>Out swimmin' around, doing Carl stuff
>Meet a cute dolphin, she plays hard to get
>Tranq darts settle her down, and soon I have peeled off my wetsuit
>Just as I am reaching the height of passion
>Look to my left, see tourist submarine go past
>See a censored pic of myself with the dolphin on the evening news

I know some of you may have seen the news this evening. Don't believe rumors and scandalous libel. That dolphin was into me. You guys know me better than that. Good old Carl, right? I don't care what those tourists think they saw. Who you gonna side with, C-dogg or a fish?

>Working 3,000 feet down in pressure suit
>Approached by tiny crab
>Crab adopts battle posture, claws in the air
>I laugh
>Another tiny crab shows up beside him, also adopts battle posture.
>Soon there are dozens, then hundreds, then thousands
>They all merge to form a single enormous crab
>Grab my pressurized water cutter
>COME AT ME BRO.JPG

DON'T YOU 404 ON ME

madscientist, I love your underwater threads and all, but I was wondering if perhaps we could get back into the idea of creating, or at least looking into how possible it is to make an under sea colony

>>3693962
all you need is billions of dollars

>>3693979
challenge accepted

>>3693962

But that's being done. I'm a part of the organization doing it. Pic related.

>>3693994
could you please point me in the direction to this organization you speak of? I wish to learn more, as this is my dream.

>>3693994

Are you taking part in the 2012 launch or the 2015?

>>3693998

www.underseacolony.com

>>3694023

2012. Although it's been pushed back to 2013, We've brought a lot of new people onboard who can't make the 2012 date. On the plus side, due to unforeseen circumstances we don't need to worry about funding anymore. I don't know who, but we now have two wealthy benefactors.

The 2015 launch will be a permanent colony. I don't have a seat aboard that because the initial module houses only 4 families, and all 4 modules have been spoken for since the project began (founder, his family, families of 3 closest friends.) Modules will be added, slowly, so eventually I do hope to join that community.

Anyway if we could go back to the greentext silly story format it'd be great.

>>3694167
Just four families, you say?

Just four families without any additional security personnel?
No harpoons, shark-sticks or anything?

Are you sure?
I'm just asking.

you will get bored of the scenery after a few days

also, it will be all dark and murky

you wont have fantastic colors or acquarium lighting,

youd probably just see a bunch of human refuse and sediment clouds everywhere

also, its so freaking small wtf.

its like being in a prison, only with the chance of drowning.

you will long for fresh air.

>>3694279

>also, it will be all dark and murky

Not at 250 feet. Light penetrates to 400 feet or so. At 250 feet there's plentiful sunlight.

>you wont have fantastic colors or acquarium lighting,

Yeah it will. I don't know if you can see it clearly but there are platforms for growing a personal coral garden just outside of each window.

>youd probably just see a bunch of human refuse and sediment clouds everywhere

No, for the same reason this never occurred for Sealab aquanauts, and doesn't occur for Aquarius aquanauts today; Fish eat it, and with remarkable quickness.

>also, its so freaking small wtf.

Each cylinder is 9 feet in diameter and 30 feet long. It's more spacious than it looks.

>its like being in a prison, only with the chance of drowning.

I don't see it that way.

>you will long for fresh air.

Doubtful, as it's pumped down from the surface to begin with.

Listen, clearly this is not for you. That does not mean it's not for anyone. Nobody's twisting your arm and making you go. You couldn't if you wanted to until more vacancies open up, which won't be for some time as we've got 152 people determined to live underwater who get first dibs as new cylinders are added. They want to do this, even if you don't.

What are the prospects for undersea agriculture, Mad Scientist?

If colonisation is to be sustainable, we can't trap crabs forever.

>>3694279
what is this I don't even

Not everyone likes the sme things as you. I personally like to around in a t-shirt and shorts during winter until temperatures hit -15ºC but I don't look cross-eyed at people who put on three layers of clothing as soon as the first snow falls.

>>3694319

>What are the prospects for undersea agriculture, Mad Scientist?

Already being done, and neatly automated. Pic related, open ocean aquaculture pod.

A lot of this stuff isn't scifi anymore. It was the stuff of the future back in the 70s, it's not like people failed to notice the profit potential. Not all of it came true but things like undersea farming and mining did, although the latter is just getting started.

>hear about Mad Scientist's sea lions
>smile
>a few years later
>this used to be my kelp patch
>stop smiling
>move deeper
>a squid eats my son
>such is life in the trenches

>>3694346
I cannot believe these underwater living spaces are real - I've been in a number of your threads, and always thought they were pure fiction...

This is beautiful... I... I wanna go...

>>3694664
Amerifats

>>3694664

Haha, aw. Poor whaleshark. Nobody gets you. ._.

Question, madscientists.

What's the point of an underwater colony?

>afraid of going into water
>get conscripted to a military colony
>dreaddreaddreaddreaddread
>only ever required to pilot a minisub
>relax after a while
>get fascinated with the outside view
>get rid of my fear
>become a diver
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

>be 45, undersea uranium miner
>late for work, running to catch the next bubblesub to Anglerfish Trench
>lovely name, keeps me motivated.....as fucking if.
>always late for work; don't own a subship; shits expensive
>see bubblesub in opposite end of atrium, people everywhere
>call coming through mah synaptic communicator
>think about answering it. Doesn't pick up.
>fucking trash technology from Aquapple Nervelinks
>should get one of those new Synaptosoft implants. I hear the latest version projects a hologram of any visual image you think about.
>...
>rage about answering that call
>implant finally recognizes thought and call comes through.
>its my boss subvocalisingly yelling at me that I'm late.
>tells me I'm fired. call ends.
>stop dead in tracks.
>fuck
>what do I do now...

>>3695142
btw, the story arcs are completely seperated

>visiting local lookout
>no girlfriend to keep me company
>been foreveralone since birth
>lookout's fucking deserted
>one of those new genetically engineered seasnails swims by and suckers itself onto the outside of the lookout glass
>it was unfortunately/fortunately one of those mad scientist creations that managed to escape and breed exceptionally well.
>while rare/dispersed, they are fairly numerous, so you sometimes see one.
>it has...unusual characteristics.
>Namely its mouth, which looks like the best damn pussy you ever encountered...
>only 10x bigger, and very visible when suckered onto a see-through surface.
>did I mention it was deserted?

>working on circuitry for robots in my underwater lab
>outside, my prototype "solid state robot" is putting about despite a lack of moving parts.
>get complaints of noise because that version runs by heating water into bursts of steam
>sigh, put aside current work to finish the electrokinetic version of the robot
>days later, a tourist sees your silent, round robot and presumes it's a sea mine
>utter panic from outside security forces

Such is research under the sea.

>>3694810

>What's the point of an underwater colony?

Enjoyment. Same reason we built cities in Hawaii when there was no practical need to.

Requesting benthic/photic zone story.

>Be semi-wealthy business owner with a JD I never really use.
>Invest in undersea colony.
>Undersea colony declares independence after it grows large enough.
>Get elected as leader due to wealth, legal, and scientific background.
>Set up bank secrecy, non-disclosure, and other legal schemes.
>Colony has the highest per capita GDP on the planet, despite its small size.
>Now be absurdly wealthy business owner/politician.

>>3697169
>Be president of small colony, pretty rich, have my own multinational bank and hedge fund.
>Company sub exploring bathypelagic zone comes across strange benthic fungus.
>Genome sequenced, proteonomics run, molecular products patented.
>It's useful for all kinds of environmental remediation!
>Market technology with transgenic terrestrial fungi.
>Become even wealthier.
>Subs start finding all sorts of nifty molecular whatnots in the DNA of deep sea organisms.
>Start pharmaceutical/biotech company to handle this in-house.
>Be richest man on the planet.
>Use money to fund space projects.
>Be richest man on or off the planet.

>>3697139
Wrong...They were built to provide a long term and comfortable safe haven from the radioactive "Hot-Particles" that blanket the globe following several hundred full scale simultaneous meltdowns and the devastating release of toxic wastes from Hanford and Los Alamos.

>>3697168

>Make the long ascent to the photic zone to trade manganese sulfides for dessicant powder
>Look outside, see this
>Become distracted, run into a reef
>Exit through lockout chamber to check exterior for damage
>She comes up to me and begins flirting
>Look into helmet, recoil at sight of her face
>Take her back to my habitat in the benthic anyway
>Not like you can see their faces in the dark

Awww yeaaaahh