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02/02/10(Tue)06:33 No. 153568 >In
high school and even in college, I felt clumsy; nerdy; awkward. Even
after I had a girlfriend and a budding sexual history with women, I had
never seen and felt obvious and intense desire for me from a female
partner. I remember that the first time an older man made me — geeky
Hugo — feel wanted, even craved, I felt a rush of elation and relief so
great it made me cry. The sex I had with him was not based on my desire
for him; rather, I wanted to make him feel good out of my own colossal
gratitude for how he had made me feel with his words and his gaze. I
was a bi-curious straight boy who had never felt someone ache for him —
and the first time that happened, I was floored. Afterwards, this man
(about the age I am now, a thought that discomfits me a bit) ran his
fingers across every inch of my body, murmuring flattery of the kind I
had never heard from a woman’s lips.