I don't answer the door unless someone is scheduled to arrive.

>>9830699
That quote should read "If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people."

i peer out the window and then hide until they go away.

I tell them I have no interest and to have good day.

Mormons for me.

I opened the door because I sorta felt sorry for them, talked to them for like 10 minutes and then gave them phone number for some reason. Then they called like 2 times and I didn't answer.

Show up naked, with a rock hard erection, and your face covered in mustard, and say "Goonie Goo Goo?"

There used to be what I believed to be Jehovah's Witnesses come through my neighborhood. I would watch and wait anticipating them coming to the door, but they would always skip past my house. :(

>Unfortunately, as House (the character on the show of the same name)

why can't you troll any better than this

4/10 see me after class

I take out my massive penis, twirl it around like a propeller, and run around shouting NEEEERRRROOOWWWWWW!"

If they're still there after a few minutes, I'll listen to what they say.

>I spent an hour and a half trying to convert them to atheism
>quotes House

>I spent an hour and a half trying to convert them to atheism

You sound like a bigger prick then the missionaries.
I mean, you don't even have a reason to do this shit except your own arrogance.

>>9830699
Just be a decent human being, OP, and say you're not interested. Don't become an internet troll in real life, that'll never make you happy.

Couple of mormons knocked on my door not too long ago. I welcomed them inside, they started talking to me about religion. I cut them off, told them they looked hot and asked if they wanted water. Mind you, this was in Texas during the summer. They decided to accept the water. I led them to the kitchen, got a couple glasses, gave them water. They then wanted to talk about God. I wanted to talk about their sweet bikes. For some reason we got into the fact that I used to fence, and they wanted to see my sword.

Hour and a half later, we still haven't said anything about God, and they're moving on to the next house. Pro as fuck.

>keep goat tethered in yard
>hang pentagram on door

>>9830782
Well, they came to his house to discuss theology. They're asking for it.

Personally, I always try to convert them to Islam (although since I don't know much about Islam, I just make stuff up).

>>9830722
>>9830705
Where's the fun in that?
Whenever I get any kind of religious proposition, I put my hand down my pants and pretend to start masturbating.
They tend to leave quickly.

>>9830784
lol, trying that next time. Just be really ADD.

I have a Bible near my door. I just pull it out, say "Why yes, I have in fact heard the Good Word,l and if they continue to speak I give my incredibly heretical views of our Lord, Jesus Christ. The Pentecost was Jesus rising into God's anus, I tell you!

The Jehovah's Witnesses in my area are tricky. They rang the doorbell and asked what my thoughts were on global warming. I thought it was a survey until they started quoting bible passages to prove climate change isn't occurring.

Grow up, OP. Shut up and say, "No thank you, I'm not interested."

hey atheist fags..

why arent you knocking at no ones front door..

lazy fuck is proably playing nintendo games all day...

Try this and knock em dead.

Both literal and figurative ways will improve the world

>>9830782
>You sound like a bigger prick then the missionaries.
>I mean, you don't even have a reason to do this shit except your own arrogance.
Hardly. I honestly believe that the world would be a much better place without religion.

>>9830783
>Just be a decent human being, OP, and say you're not interested. Don't become an internet troll in real life, that'll never make you happy.
Come on. They're not going to convert anyone going door to door. Throughout the conversation, they looked genuinely happy that someone took the time to talk to them. My guess is they get a lot of door slammed in their faces.

>>9830784
Well done anon :)

>>9830803
Haha. Even if they knew a little about Islam, you could always claim that you belong to a small sect that has a vastly different interpretation of the Qur'an to the Sunni or the Shi'a.

>cute morman chicks on bikes
>knock at my door..
>see where this is going ahead of time..
>pretend to be interested
>troll them for about 45 mins outside portch
>only real female contact in 3 days
>feels kinda bad man..

>>9830915
Why? THEY knocked on my door to discuss theology. They could walk away any time they wanted.

i say goodbye

>>9830987
You are obviously butthurt because you can't outsmart a religious man.

>>9830917
>hey atheist fags..
>why arent you knocking at no ones front door..
Because atheism isn't a belief system. Protip, that's what the 'a' prefix is for.
>lazy fuck is proably playing nintendo games all day...
Are you a psychic?

>>9830963
It doesn't matter what you believe, you're still a prick.
And your acting like a member of a religion.
The cult of Dawkins(may Darwins benevolent logic smile upon him)

My best friend of 17 years became a mormon. His girlfriend converted him. He now never has time to hang out, as he's either with his girlfriend, at work or at church.

Anyway, once he knocked at my door with 2 large guys in suits. They both had eerie smiles on their faces. He just say "Hey man, you coming out?" as if those two suits behind him didn't exist. We went out, walked around for a bit, mostly in silence. They kept trying to spark conversations about how cool it was down at the church, and went on about how much fun they all had there. I went home shortly after. I haven't spoken to my friend since.

Fuck you, mormons. Give me back my friend.

>>9830975
I thought only the morman males went on missions?

>>9831036
That sucks man.
Pussy can be used for good an evil. Mostly evil.

>>9831032
How is he acting like a religious person? This is no different than trolling people from DARE, salesmen, or political campaigners that come to your door.

My brother asked me to draw a swastika on his head and he answered the door wielding a knife with nothing on but boxers.

JEHOVAH IS GREAT JEHOVAH IS LORD...

THY KINGDOM COME...

>>9830963
You honestly believe the world would be a better place without religion.
They honestly believe the world would be a better place with religion.
They aren't going to convince you, and you aren't going to convince them.
Looks like you're going to have to...learn to tolerate people of other beliefs than your own if you want any peace in this world. But if you want a never-ending battle, go right ahead.

>>9831032
>It doesn't matter what you believe, you're still a prick.
Maybe. Like I said earlier, they seemed happy to debate with me. After they left my place, I watched them go to a few houses down the street. No one talked to them for more than a few seconds.
>And your acting like a member of a religion.
How? I didn't go to their house and tell them about the wonders of non-belief. They were free to leave any time they wanted, but they chose to stay.
>The cult of Dawkins(may Darwins benevolent logic smile upon him)
That did make me smile.

>>9830699
you try to convert them to satanism
that should get them to never come back
if they think you believe there is no god they think they can change your mind
if they think you have given your soul to satan they will fear you and never return probably tell the others to go away

tell them you need their help to summon a demon you need to speak with about getting revenge

>>9831125
ummm never ending

more like dying out
religion has lost abou 99% of its power in the developed world

one summer when i was in high school i was home alone like all day everyday, and it seemed lie twice a week some jahovah's would come a knocking. i used to just tell them that i had my own religion but i appreciate the offer. anyways so one time my friend is over and the jehovah's are walking up the steps. she says lets answer and pretend we're lez. so we answer the door holding hands and they start talking and asking confusing questions, and my friend interupts them and asks if the lgbt community is welcomed in their religion.....they just started quoting hella bible shit and being more confusing so i said goodbye and closed the door. meh.

>>9831125
>You honestly believe the world would be a better place without religion.
Yes. I'm not saying that religious organisations and people don't do good things. I'm saying that they do a lot of horrible shit too and we'd be better off without them.
>They honestly believe the world would be a better place with religion.
...As long as you accept the 'one true religion' which always happens to be theirs...
>They aren't going to convince you, and you aren't going to convince them.
True. Even though I was listening to and responding to their points, they seemed to be glossing over a lot of what I was saying :(
>Looks like you're going to have to...learn to tolerate people of other beliefs than your own if you want any peace in this world.
Rival religions will never be tolerant of each other. Atheists aren't the problem.
>But if you want a never-ending battle, go right ahead.
As I've said before - I don't go out looking for people to 'convert', but if someone gives me their opinion on the subject, I'm going to give them mine.

>>9831155
Haha. I'd be worried about them breaking into my house at night and kidnapping me to exorcise my demon...

>>9831213
You should have just made out in front of them.

>>9830699
OP, you should punch yourself in the face
>god is both a man and a women
>some christian sect
they're not a christian sect if they beleive something that retarded, also 'god' should be capitalized if your talking about the judeo-christian god, it's proper noun in that case

tl;dr learn your shit

fools enjoy eternal life in hell...

WHERE YOUR GOING - YOUR NOT COMING BACK FROM.

>>9831171
Unfortunately the developing world is still lagging behind

>>9831271
If there's a hell, I hope you go there for your terrible grammar.

>>9831171
This is completely untrue. Maybe in several places in Europe, but in America religion still plays a huge role in politics.

Back when I was in high school, these two chicks a couple grades below me were being missionaries after school. They caught me after basketball practice one day, and asked me "Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Do you think you will go to heaven when you die?" I said "No, I'm pretty sure I'm going to a hole in the ground, inside a nice comfy wooden box"

>>9831291


>implying Isreal does not take a huge role in world politics

>>9831267
>OP, you should punch yourself in the face
>>god is both a man and a women
>>some christian sect
>they're not a christian sect if they beleive something that retarded,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Mission_Society_Church_of_God
I think that's them.
They kept talking about jesus and quoting from the new testament so I assumed they were some variation of christian.

>also 'god' should be capitalized if your talking about the judeo-christian god, it's proper noun in that case
>tl;dr learn your shit
I know, but I specifically do not capitalize god, jesus, mohammed etc. to troll their respective followers.

for chrisitants point out that some creatures never die, eg turptoptis natuaicla ( ajellyfish), then wheres your GOD now?

wheres the fall of man...these things do not get old, they are functionally immortal

this really really throws christians...I know i have used it

>>9831245
but wouldn't that be funny as hell?

>>9831400
Jellyfish don't die?!?!?

>>9830699
haha fucking loser

>>9830804
sure you do kid

>>9831415
that's correct, certain species don't.

U JELLY?

>>9831400

horeeeeshet.jpg

You best be trolling.

Man, I really really wish I lived somewhere where we had door to door missionaries. I've never had one come to my door in my 20 years.

I'd troll so fucking hard, it'd be a blast.

>>9831036
feel your pain
wait till he breaks up and gives up the whole act to get laid

>>9831465
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turritopsis_nutricula
jellyimortlavloax

>>9831465
itt, Christian door knocker

Back in school, Jehova's wittnesses once visited a friend of mine to give him some pamphlets.
He invited them in, started to jump up and down on the couch like a madman and shouted JEHOVA, JEHOVA until they left.
Apparently, JWs don't appreciate Monthy Python references.

I answer the door with my large erection in hand. Then I ask if they'd like to come back into my room because I've got a LOT of good books.

Works every time.

>saw missionaries coming to door
>put on my head scarf (don't wear one normally, but just to see how they react)
>open the door
>they uncomfortably give some pamphlets, lots of 'um's
>don't come to my house ever again

idk I thought it would be funny.

>>9830784
That's excellent. And a lot nicer. I realize these people are annoying, but come the fuck on people, they're still humans.

When they come to my house, I try to be the one to answer the door because the rest of my family is full of disrespectful faggots. Doesn't matter that they're all Christians, they're a different *kind* of Christian and their beliefs aren't the same! And yet this atheist can be respectful of them. Fucking religous people.

Anyways, I just do casual banter hello/howareyou/blahblah and when they start on about religion and their church, I tell them that I've read the bible and I'm not at a point in life that I feel the need for religion, but I'll take their pamphlet/whatevertheybroughtalong so if I feel the need for it, I have their information. And they smile and we thank each other and they go away.

If they're hot, I invite them in, give them something to drink, offer to have sex with them, and if they refuse it doesnt matter because the roofies kick in at this point.

>>9831871
>offer to have sex with them, and if they refuse it doesnt matter because the roofies kick in at this point.
I wonder how often that stuff happens.
They canvas large areas, so it's rather likely that sooner or later they're going to stumble upon a serial killer...

This femanon wants to answer the door to them shirtless (and braless) and try to casually talk to them, like nothing is amiss.

>>9832003
brb - becoming a missionary

>>9831782
Head scarf? Allah Akbar?

>Missionaries knock on door.
>Greet them courteously.
>"Sorry but I don't believe in religion," "Have a nice day," with a casual smile.
>Close door.

>>9832060
Head scarf! Allah Ackbar!
*BOOM*

>>9832060
Yes, a hijab. I should have clarified.

>>9831782
Head scarf? Allah Akbar?
truegodbloxx

>mormons approach my house
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>religious types come to my house
>open the door wearing a bath robe
>invite them into lounge to sit down
>follow them in
>bust off the robe
>dick helicopter
>myface

I've been living by myself for not quite 18 months

I've yet to have a missionary of any religion/denomination drop by while I was home

>>Missionaries knock on the door
>>Invite them in for a cup of tea and discussion about their faith
>>Bring in the tea
>>They're bears
>>OH GOD THEY'RE MAULING ME

>So how do you deal with them when they show up at your door?

Christfag here. I say "I'm not buying what you are selling" and close the door in their face.

There are plenty of ways u can have fun with this. One is opening the door nude, the other is pretending to be a satanist.

Fill a super soaker with your urine
Tell them they have 10 seconds to GTFO or you 'll open fire

I treat them to beverages or food if they'd like. Then I let them on their way.

I put on my wizard hat and robe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dW-bt_1LzY
Door-to-door atheist. Awesome.

water gun +hot saue + urine + bleach. Just dont get it in their eyes or you'll have a lawsuit.

I take out my gun, tel them to get the fuck off my property.

> awesome party filled with pot, acid, booze
> crash at 6 am
> 10 am knock on the door
> MORMONS
> eh we're up anyway, time for Denny's

>>9832025

ha, have fun with that

you dont answer the door

two ass wipe jehova witnesses were beating the shit out of my door and i refused to open it, they left after like 5 mins

Get my scarf on.

>working in Salt Lake City
>writer's block for SIX YEARS
>UPS is delivering stuff that day
>Get inspired
>Tear up the house like a hurricane to get to my computer
>brain is full of WORDS WORDS WORDS
>Typing tops out at 137 wpm as words and ideas stream from my brain to the keyboard
>mormons come to the door
>think it's UPS
>run to door, brain filled with fuck
>HI WE'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT GOD
>babble incoherently
>They stare awkwardly at each other
>calm down
>offer equal exchange. I will perform a miracle if they agree to perform a miracle. They agree. I drink ice cold milk in front of them and tell them it's their turn. They are baffled. I explain that it's miraculous that I am able to have ice cold milk in the middle of the burning fucking desert in 110 degree weather. I ask for a miracle of similar magnitude.
>They putter around and finally admit they can't do anything. I politely ask them to leave.
>Go back to computer
>try to pick up where I left off
>inspiration is gone, can't write anymore
>rage impotently

I would have sex with them in the missionary position for the sake of procreation.

>>9831291
america was first colonized by people who thoguht singing and dancing were evil

id say that it has lost 99% of its power here too
the onyl power left is its power to manipulate the desperate and weak-minded

I act like I've been convinced. Ask lots of questions you know they'll be ecstatic to answer, get more and more into it until you start crying.

then you ask for the all the literature on it they have on them, wiping tears off of your face, you wax about how you've been searching for answers to all the stuf that happens that we just can't explain and now this is the most euphoric you've ever felt. Thank them as they leave, maybe give them a bit of a hug and then excuse yourself for doing so, and wave them off, saying to yourself "I have to phone my mother..."

then go back to whatever you were doing.

I try to convert them to another Christian cult. And the majority of humans, atheists or humans either one, don't arrive at their choice by reason. Most humans--not you, of course, wise robots, but normal people--arrive at their choice by feelings.

>>9830769
You forgot to urinate while doing this.

I'm Arab (and visibly so), irreligious, and thus a magnet to both Muslim, Christian and even Mormon missionaries, and they are my favorite fucking people ever.

I was sitting at a bar once having a pint while waiting for some mates when a couple of Christian missionaries came by. They started asking me about Jesus and shit, and I told them, as convincingly as I could, that I was a deeply religious Muslim man, and I followed the path of Muhammad - peace be upon him - and the writings of the Qur'an, and that I'd found meaning in my life through Islam. All that while sipping from my beer. Then I said "cheers though", and raised my glass at them.
They got pissed off and walked away.

>>9832517
but never before sodomy

just say you're gay, don't you know god hates fags?

Gayfag here. I would subtly flirt with the guy if he was under 30. Then I would begin to compliment his appearance. Then I would mentally cause myself to get a boner and invite him inside.

You know, I've always wanted to just whip my dick out and stare at them, but then it would be really awkward if they just pointed and laughed or something.

one time when i used to listen to icp i talked to them about the gospel of the dark carnival

>>9832612

Problem, christians?

>>9830872
THat's funny.

I'd just tell them I'm a motherfucking Roman Catholic and their heretic ass best get off my lawn before I inquisition them. Faggots ain't got a pope, do they?

I shut it.

(this seriously hasn't been said?)

>>9830699
I say the following, "If I held my beliefs as strongly as you do yours, could I convert you?"

usually shuts them up. Or I tell them I'm a Wiccan. That usually gets interesting replies.

>>9831291 This is completely untrue. Maybe in several places in Europe, but in America religion still plays a huge role in election politics.

FTFY

>>9831841 but come the fuck on people, they're still humans.

They have abdicated their self determination. They are little better than beasts.

>>9832612
That's some fantastic IRL trolling.

>>9833356
Brotip: Your president believes in a personal god.

>missionaries knock on door
>I open the door, black metal in the background
>I say "HAIL FRIENDS OF SATAN!"
>they leave

>Mormons knock on your door
>You and twenty other people burst out the door, screaming, and run off into the distance, screaming all the way
>Theirface.jpg

As a former Jehovah's Witness (raised in a JW family; not by choice), let me tell you the best way to leave most JWs speechless at the door. At the beginning of their presentation when they ask a question like, "Wouldn't you agree that the world is becoming more unsafe all the time?" Probably a bad example, but I don't remember exactly what they say. Anyway, it's a simple fluff question that they ask and expect everyone to agree so they can move onto some point from the bible. Just disagree with them. Then say, "I think you'd agree that the world isn't actually that bad. You make that clear by the fact that you take your children with you to random strangers doors. Any one of the people at these homes could be molesters or murderers, but you take that risk because you know that the chances of that are so low that you wouldn't really have to worry about it."

I always bombard them with religious contradictions.

"Why did God make evil?"
"He didn't, man did."
"I thought Satan made evil."
"Well yes, him too."
"But God made man and Satan."
"That's true but they made a choice to commit evil."
"How?"
"Free will."
"Satan was an angel. Angels don't have free will, only man. And why would God create man who could be evil? Seems like a serious design flaw."
"So that man will have something to experience."
"Then why create man at all?"
"He has a plan."
"What's the plan?"
"Only God knows."
"Sounds pretty dubious."

And so on.

>>9834447

At some point I'll go off on a rant as to how I know God's true plan, which is for man to become gods so God can have friends. I tell them it's man's destiny to be one with God and push the point until they start calling it blasphemy. I get a real crazed look on my face while I'm saying it.

>Knock on the door
>Preemptive : GOOD MAWMENT!
>theirface

I'll ask about 'the plan'.
No matter their answer, i'll invite them in to watch BSG.

christians say suffering exists because god gave us free will.

however, the problems with this are:

for suffering to exist, god must have created it

if we do the wrong thing we spend an eternity in hell, with no free will. i think an eternity without free will simply negates the 100 or less years we get with free will

god did not give us free will, and it was only obtained when adam and eve ate that apple from that fucking tree. at which point we were banished.

I just act super suspicious whenever I get missionaries/Jehovah's Witnesses, etc.

Like I'll offer them champagne, talk in a really polite but overly pretentious voice and drop a fuckton of innuendo ("Oh yes, it's to DIE for! MUAHAHAHAHAHAA!").

One knocked on my door like right after my fap session, just after I cleaned up. I just didn't feel like moving so even though he could see my through the door I didn't move.

I used to omit the truth and just take the magazines and throw them in the cash but I'm really tempted to just say I don't believe in God so they will stop coming by.

I love this. I usually pretend I'm an average joe who is somewhat interested in whatever religion they're preaching. I let them "convince" me that their god is real, and then I start asking touchy questions that I know they won't be able to properly answer, until I can believably pretend I am now disgusted with their religion.

Just to make them think that they're the reason I'm going to hell.

>>9834518
>god did not give us free will, and it was only obtained when adam and eve ate that apple from that fucking tree. at which point we were banished.

even Christians dont believe this fairy tale

>>9834728

you'd be surprised how many do believe in it

man im jealous, i live in an apartment in a shittyish part of town, so they never try and convert me, which sucks cause i love trolling people irl. only when deserved though, and missionaries definitely do. im reallly really good at talking people out of things though, as im a manipulative bastard. accept and pretend like you understand what they are saying, then ask little innocent questions.. like i would be christian but i want to talk with them, but i dont know how, can you teach me? i wonder what their answer would be, heh. basically things like that. most important is to not get them defensive, so act like friends. haha, oh the fun.

just ask them where god came from
or
ask them if you can become a god later on.

Ha!

An atheist quote House, M.D.

Surprises everywhere!

A couple Jehovah's Witnesses (old black ladies in their Sunday best) were walking around my town a few years ago. I'm a total fag, but I thought it was wrong that old women were being sent to walk across town for this. I let them inside, had lunch with them, and politely talked about religion. They told me that my atheism was wrong and how sodomy was going to be my eternal downfall. I looked them in the eyes and said, "I am not an atheist out of hate. I am not Richard Dawkins and, while I disagree with you, I do not hate you for your faith. You talk about sodomy, so let's look at the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. You are much like the angels in the story, looking for those worthy of God's grace, but largely among those who will scorn you and hate you. Granted, it's not rape, but the point remains. I see myself in this situation as Lot, welcoming you into my home with open arms. I try to be caring and Christlike every day even if I don't believe in all of the dogma. Please don't be so quick to write kindness off because of a victimless crime". They looked at me confused, maybe a bit angry, and one said "it's a damn shame, I'll pray for you" and walked out.

I consider that a victory.

>>9834375
That's an excellent tactic.

>>9835286
>implying that it's not a good point

>>9835446

Fuck, if this is true, I love you, man.

I just say "I'm an atheist" and close the door.

Really, is it that hard?

>>9835623
It is. My atheism has nothing to do with any sense of opression because of my sexuality or any hate. I simply cannot grasp the concept. As a child, I would look at the sky or something beautiful and be filled with wonder. My parents are religious, but hands off and let me come to my own decisions. I revel in the sublime wonders of the universe for what they are and find it a little absurd that people can't just accept that and feel the need to add another layer to it.

>Live in Seattle
>Never get a proselytizer
>dont give a fuck. cum in your shit etc.

>>9835755
You lucky bastard.
My dad is very religious (he very nearly became a priest) and raised all of his kids accordingly.
Now all four of us are atheists, but (for me at least), it took a few years, a lot of thinking, reading and emotional turmoil to get there.

>>9835755
You already know God better than 95% of people who proclaim their worship, and hew to dogma. If that is what you see in the world, you're already there.

>>9835833
>atheist
>you know God

w....wat

Just be like "I'm not interested" and let them be. Trying to convince missionaries to convert to atheism is very stupid. In terms of your quote, it applies to you. Someone says "Hey! I believe this and have decided to try and spread the word!"

If you think it's stupid for people to wander around trying to convince people to follow their religion, just imagine how stupid the person is who is trying to convince *them*.

That person is you.

>>9835977
>Just be like "I'm not interested" and let them be.
I treat them like telemarketers - the longer I keep them on the line, the less time they have to annoy someone else
>Trying to convince missionaries to convert to atheism is very stupid.
Maybe. But it's possible that I can plant a small seed of doubt in their subconscious, and even though it might not happen in a day or even a year, they might eventually give up religion.
>In terms of your quote, it applies to you. Someone says "Hey! I believe this and have decided to try and spread the word!"
1) I'm not really trying to 'spread the word'. This was an isolated incident (although it will be repeated next time someone tries to sell me a religion).
2) That quote does not at all apply to me. If you can provide me with concrete evidence of a god (male or female), I will believe. No evidence, no belief.

OP is just angry because they have found Jesus and he hasn't.

>>9837071
Troll harder. 1/10, but only for trying.

>>9837078
Should you really be encouraging me?

>>9837094
Come to think of it, probably not. But then again, I find trolls pretty funny because I usually don't fall for them.

>look out of window
>see Jehova's Witness going from house to house
>Jovo knocks on my door
>I open the door
>Jovo says "Have you head the good word?"
>I scream "EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIRD IS THE WORD"
>slam door
>walk away wondering what the fuck I just did
>see scared looking Jovo creep away from house glancing at windows
>start laughing

I was ever so slightly drunk. Made me laugh at the time.

>>9837119
How can you say that you don't usually fall for trolls? A good troll will convince you that they're not trolling.

my only experience with them was when they where door knocking my neighbourhood.

I was having lunch but I decided to answer the door anyway. They asked if they could tell me about the lord and all that, for some reason I felt like listening to it all, so I said sure.

I was still eating (toasted sandwich I think) and about two minuets in the guy who was talking to me slowed down and stopped, he has been watching me eat my sandwich and I dunno, become fixated with it and just kinda spaced out, the other guy noticed and picked up where the first guy stopped and he snapped out of his trance, thing, and just stood there kinda awkwardly.

after they finished and asked a few questions I said thanks guys but no thanks (something along those lines).

Got a lot of good ideas from this.

Thanks, /r9k/.

Once in a while you aren't completely gay.

we get a lot of mormons... i like to offer them coffee and black tea or a beer. and then ask them about things that contradict each other from different books in their quad. answers that most mormons don't know. i get excited when i get to deal with them.

>>9837161
You're welcome!


...Want to make out?

>>9830699

I politely tell them that I'm not interested, thank them for stopping by and shut my door because I'm not a 15 year old angsty high school goth

>>9837172
Nice.
We don't get very many Mormons unfortunately. Mostly just Christians. I live next door to a church :(

>>9837145
You got me there. I usually don't fall for the BAD trolls, which some dumbasses somehow manage to do.

Answer the door naked. Act completely normal. Ask if they want to see your rape dungeon. Take them down to uncle touchies puzzle basement.

I've never been visited by missionaries, but the very idea that they COME ONTO YOUR PROPERTY, INTERRUPT YOUR BUSINESS, ALL TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR FUNDAMENTAL BELIEFS ARE WRONG SEEMS ALMOST COMICALLY DISRESPECTFUL. What the fuck? Where the fuck do they think they get the right to do this? I'd be fucking ripshit if this actually happened to me.

>>9837198
>because I'm not a 15 year old angsty high school goth
Why so mean, robobro?

>>9837232
>rape dungeon
PLEASE ELABORATE

>>9832136

You have forced a smile from my lips, sir.

I just repeat everything they say. At first they get excited because they think you're agreeing with them, but soon enough they realise they're being trolled.

theirface.png

>>9830783
HAHAHA.
What do you know?
Being an internet troll in real-life is great fun!

>>9837237

Sorry man, just sick of "LOL im funny cuz im immature and tell people i do LOLRANDOM things to people who try and share their opinions with me" I thought kids got this shit out of their systems in high school.

>>9832826

lol, I actually laughed at this. Ridiculous.

>>9837421
I wasn't trying to be RANDUM. Sorry if it came across that way. They came to discuss theology with me, so I shared my point of view. Why is that such a problem?

Igtheistic here. You atheistic/theistic fellows sure are silly.

The obvious solution to doing away with zealots is telling them what they have to offer is uninteresting to you. I'd be hopeless as fuck if I couldn't get through to someone at all.

i watched this really hot movie where this hot male missionary comes to this couples house and him and the girl suck the guys dick fuuuuuck

I never deal with missionaries, but I get a lot of people asking me for charity.

I tell them to guess how much debt I have. That tends to get rid of them pretty well.

>>9838317
I think that's called a porno...

>>9830736

I know you Eddie.. you are the fuck you man!

I welcome them in and tell them "I really have no interest in the word of God or your religion. I would, however, love to chit-chat with you gentlemen/girls for a while if you don't mind. Can I fix you anything to drink?"

Regards,
/x/.

Nobody loves me enough to spend ninety minutes trying to save my soul :(

feels bad man

>>9838706
Just wait until the 'World Mission Society Church of God' knocks at your door...

If you're Australian, you can call Daniel on 0405 910 641. He was nice enough to leave his number on the pamphlet he gave me about god being a hermaphrodite (or something to that effect).

>>9838803

I'm going to add that name to my list of religious sects and cults. I find that shit fascinating.

I'm not in Austrailia unfortunately. I like spiders and big fruit. One day... one day

>>9838836
Come to Australia!
We have decent weather most of the time. Gun laws are very tight though :(

>>9838839

How easy is it to immigrate?

>>9838803

You cannot be serious! Daniel?

I wish my missionaries were hot! Rape time bois!

>>9838868
I'm not really sure, but as long as you don't arrive in a boat you should be right.

>>9839010

Cool! I'm seriously considering it.

>>9832208
you needed one more line

>They paws for a second when I mention that I'm cooking fish for lunch.
>They maul me for my food.
>I THINK THEY'RE BEARS, I'VE BEEN MAULED.

I'd ask them if they know about cthulhu and if they want a copy of the necronomicon. IA IA!

Oh man do i have a story for you guys!
Me and some buds were hanging at a friends house and all of a sudden the the door bell rang and my friend (the one whos house we're at) say "fuck, jahova wittnesses". Then one of us decides to answer the door completely naked as a joke, so he does that and the wittness it STILL trying to tell hime about the religon. So the one by one we all start coming to the the with our shirts off and you can just see the guys face where he was think "MOTHER OF GOD...." And he finally left one there was 4 shirtless young men and 1 who was naked.

Atheistfag here.Most denominations don't show up at my door anymore because I often use reason and logic, which they seem unable to process.

However, there is this Jehovah's Witness guy who shows up sometimes still. Basically, I treat him with kindness. If you treat them like shit, you're just as irrational as they are.

>>9839768
>I often use reason and logic, which they seem unable to process.
Oh man you're so EDGY. Wow! Do you go out with the PeNgu1n0Fd00m? Spork bitch?

>>9840574
>cliched retort
>Penguin of doom reference

Thou art quite mad.

>>9840574
im not the guy you are insulting
but tbh that post insulted all thinking people

he is saying that he uses logic to understand the world not a book
he isn't mean to them and encourages others to be polite
he didn't go to them they came to him

you fukcing morons that think people don't believe in god to be "cool" are so fucking stupid. you aren't being persuecuted for your beliefs people think you are uncool for other reasons not your love of jesus

you remind me of this crazy chick my grandma is firends with

she thought she was fired from her job at the post office because she was a fundy christian. she was laid off because the post office gets less and less money because taxes need to go down every year to inflate the gdp and allow republicans to trick their constiuants that they are doing things for them not for the lobbies giving them millions

>>9840629
>>9840623
No I not mad, nor I jelly. If you don't want to believe in the Spaghetti Monster than that's fine. You're awesome. But you think you're cool arguing with faggots that are just trying to do what they think is right? Who cares if they're fucking retarded and misguided? YOu're going to invite them into your home to shit on them "using logic" and then act like you're cool about it on 4chan? Fuck you and fuck them. Fuck it, I guess I am mad. I MAD.

>>9840637
no
they want to talk to you
he doesn;t invite them in to piss on them he invites them in because they want to talk to him

>Walk into living room
>See dad hiding behind the window
>''Wtf are you doing?''
>Dad ''GET DOWN''
>Why?
>''jehovah's wirnesses''
>Duck down and pretend we are not home.

What do you mean how to deal with them? I have never before in my life had one come up to my door. My experiences with missionaries has only happened when getting off of flights at LAX and waiting for my ride (usually confronted by Buddhists). Normally I just politely decline, it's not like they have evil intentions, they just want to spread something that made them happy.

But I'm a faggot, so whatever.

Picture related, it's what half of /tv/ believes.

Answered the door in a werewolf mask once.

They just gave me a pamphlet and quickly left.

My Grandfather used to say 'get off my property before I shoot you'.

The 50s had their good points.

>
Basically, I spent an hour and a half trying to convert them to atheism. Unfortunately, as House (the character on the show of the same name) put it: "I you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people."
LOL LOK AT ME GO IM A PRETEND BE ATHEST AND LOOK DUMB LOLOLOLOL STOOPID ATHESTS
You giv christfags a bad name mate =/

>>9840942

No, you atheists are really like that.

>>9841010
I am theist

You mad?

There's usually pretty okay folks. I give them a minute or two to give their little pitch then politely tell them not interested.

When they keep on just casually bring out the shotgun that I keep at the door and cock it. Kind of eerie that most will stick around until you point it at them.

Offer them a water, apologize saying I already belong to a parish, and ask them politely to leave?

Bunch of socially retarded fucks in this thread.

SLAM THE DOOR AND TELL THEM TO FUCKING FUCK OFF

PIECE OF SHITTTTTTT