One time we had a lockdown because some nigger from the local prison (basically just a few miles away) escaped. AND HE HAD A KNIFE.

tl;dr a drug dealer escapes, the whole town goes bonkers and insane

I was feeling really sick once and proceeded to blast my barf all over my table group.

bump for more stories

sonskjdfnskjdnfsknfasdfj

At my school as a freshman I was put in band and I didn't want to be there.

So me and this girl would take the mouthpiece for my tuba (i think it was actually a baritone but w/e) and we'd dent the fucker up. She threw it against the wall once.

Other kids would sharpen drum sticks and throw them onto the ceiling tiles.

Some 8th grade girl sent photos of herself naked to a senior. He obviously didn't keep them to himself and the photos got out to the entire school. She was 13 at the time so it was CP and caused a ruckus.

Nothing actually happened because I was at a rich private school and the parents of both children probably bribed there way out of it. It was fucking stupid because two of my friends got expelled for coming to school high. It was stupid, sure, but expulsion? Way out of line. If they were as well off as the other two students, they wouldn't have been kicked out. It's disgusting how shit works in private school.

In planning class in gr10 my teacher put my asian friend on a chair and wheeled him into class yelling "anyone order chinese food". It was lol

>Junior film studies class
>Decide to film a short about an abusive boyfriend
>Male actor and Female actor stand on the street outside the school and go through their scene, lots of yelling and fake abuse from Male actor, Female actor pretends to cry
>A group of guidos walk by and try to white knight Female actor by getting in Male actor's face
>They ruin the scene and everyone drops character trying to explain it's all for class
>Stupid guidos don't believe them
>Male actor is about to get the shit kicked out of him
>I run towards them showing the camera, Guidos look upset at losing the chance of getting white knight pussy and leave

Greentext story!

>In English.
>Kid pulls a fire alarm (my friend later confirmed that he saw the kid pull it in gym)
>Evacuate School
>Bank across the street is robbed.
>Rushed back into school and a lockdown ensues.
>English Teacher doesn't give a fuck, keeps teaching half the day.

A group of juniors/seniors would clap at this one polish freshman kid every day at lunch for a LONG time. I wasn't a part of the group, but I had some friends over there. One day the deans had enough and then took the entire lunch table to the deans office and made clapping officially labeled as bullying.

woke up and dropped acid. When to school. I looked a female friend and she knew I was tripping balls. somehow made it through each class.

Some 10th graders were having sex and were taping it. Somehow, it ended up on half of the student's cellphones via text message. The kicker was the bitch was really hairy and the guy had a real small dick (can't tell how small it was, I never saw the tape). The girl transfered to a new high school and the guy basically stayed at my old hs.

in after school detention I sat in the back row. I found a small little bird feather on the ground. I blew it up in the air. everyone watched for 10 minutes while it flew to the front of the room and the teacher finally snatched it. The class laughed.

>On VOIP with my friend in his car outside school
>New secretary, asked her to "dial in 004"
>Got on PA System
>Yelled and played death metal for 10 minutes
>They cut the PA line for a whole day
>Walked non-chalantly back inside looking perplexed

>>9072764
Nice, man. I tripped on shrooms at school once, or maybe twice. I got the second highest score on a government test. Also, I was expecting to go to my history class and act normal/listen to a lecture, but we had a sub and watched a movie about the Byzantine Empire. Shit was epic

I pretty much went to high school high all the time with wake and bakes. I thought no one knew until the last day of class when we were doing exercises (for fun) and this chick said, "Wow, that's gonna totally blow Anon's high." I wasn't the only one in the class that did it either, we never talked through all of the class until the one day we met up, looked at each other and started laughing. Other than that, High school was pretty chill. Went to a high school where nothing happened

Googled teachers name. Came up with a FBI wanted ad for a black child rapist who was on the loose with the same name.

printed a shit load of copies, hung them up around school.

My friends said it would be a good idea to put one up on the teachers notice board, so I agree if he'll be my lookout.

"ok, can i go? are there any teahcers around?"

"nope, you're all good. do it"

*does it*

*tap on shoulder*

*turn around*

TEACHER

fuck.

* suspended*

At about 10th grade, several kids in my classroom had a thing called "flipping bags". Basically, a kid or a group of kids, stole your schoolbag from you when you weren't looking, took all the books out of it, then turned it inside-out. If you saw them flipping it, they had to stop and put it back to its regular form. This went on for the whole school year, even though some kids got in trouble for it. As the rest of high school went by, people just stopped doing that.

>>9072063
Also I once walked into the washroom in the middle of class and saw some special needs kid laying spread eagle on the floor naked. It was terrible.

This has happened at my middle and high school. Several times.

dude, that wasnt their 'thing' that happens everywhere. happened at 4 different schools i went to

My sort-of friend got caught buttfucking his girlfriend on the roof and they both got arrested/expelled. This happened just last week, actually.

Best part? He was already suspended and came to school that day for the sole purpose of fucking his girlfriend in the ass on the roof.

>>9073303
This is weird.
>>9073492
This is HILARIOUS!

>>9073492
i haven't heard someone say "buttfucking" in a LONG time. your story is a lot funnier because of that word.

There was one kid in a couple of my classes who used to wear sweatpants to class and say 'YES!' whenever he got a question right. He also used to masturbate in class, causing the teacher to stop whatever he/she was doing and say "John, stop playing with yourself". John would also ask inappropriate questions like 'Does this school have hard water?' and 'Why do cars have bumpers?'. Halfway through freshman year he got transfered to the special ed classes.

No word on weather he was ever found naked and spread eagle in the restroom.

Wait, why would mentally challenged people be spread-eagled and naked in a bathroom?

>early in the day (before classes start)
>fire alarm pulled
>kids still in the hallway
>everyone just backs away from the building into the parking lot and hopes the school burns
>it doesn't, sent to class
>get yelled at by butthurt teachers because we didn't go the the designated 'fire safe' area

My senior year we had a fire in the locker room.

2 Private school stories:

>teacher finds weed in headmaster son's locker
>headmaster's son blames it on the nices guy in school
>nice guy gets suspended
>nice guy threatens to sue and send the story to the newspaper
>headmaster pulls the dick out of his ass and lets the kid back
>son gets off scot free

story 2

>headmasters son comes in for spirit week (essentially a dumbfuck way of getting kids excited about nothing) wearing hot pink shortshorts and no boxers.
>kid gets "sent home"


Fucking private schools. Rich kids get away with everything.

>>9073641
samefag

>got suspended for using jack the ripper on the schools network.
>Wasnt actually me.
>loled

>>9073585

>>9073303
here

I don't know man, but before this thread I thought it was just our sped kids that did this.
Maybe it's part of their Project Mayhem

Freshman year of high school, our first period teacher went out on maternity leave and left us with a long-term sub. Never a good idea, but this went worse than I've typically seen. Our class was pretty bad, we'd constantly throw wads of paper, make paper airplanes. I would take all of the desks in the class and hide them under the lab tables and my friend would stack them as high as he could. (When the sub was out of the room)

Jesus, i have so much.

Near the end of my Freshman year, some kid came to school with a starter pistol. I was in art class at the front of the school and saw the two rent-a-cops running down to the portable classrooms. Lol'd at pigs running.

Then they say there's a code red lockdown. Shit got serious. Was trapped in my third period class til right before we let out. Flipped on the TV and watched Courage the Cowardly Dog for two hours. Shit was so cash.

However, others were trapped in the lunchroom, which is basically all windows. Trolls started pointing outside in random directions and people would crowd to see. They also closed the big metal accordion-looking curtain to keep people in. Kids grabbed it and shook it. Turned into a fucking riot. Wasn't there but it was talked about for weeks.

Also, a fellow lurker i know pushed some aspie through the windshield of the bus this year.

>go into music room every dinner with a couple of friends
>sit at school drum set
>throw 2 sets of drum stick up into the ceiling everyday
>repeat this for 3 months
>ceiling above drumkit collapses, pipes and wiring exposed
>no-one cares

lol

>>9073685
Am I the only one who feels bad for subs, man? Especially if its a passive one.

>>9073589

I was ditching class one day walking to the local internet cafe when the truancy patrol drove past and picked me up, and one of the things they said to me was "what if there was a fire, nobody would know where you were?" to which i said "if there was a fire it would be a good thing i wasnt there, i could have died"

"but noone would no where you were..."

stupid whores.

>>9073685
The best part was not only that we didn't learn anything, or that we refused to learn anything, but we'd actively combat her teaching. She clearly had no background teaching, so we'd spend half of a period arguing basic fucking science with her. A friend of mine sat there and argued that mirrors were not creating a virtual image, but were in fact another dimension, and that we couldn't pass through because the mirror version of us would get in the way. He kept this up and everyone chimed in agreeing that she was wrong until she gave up and told us that we were right. As bad as we thought our class was, it turns out that the other two classes that had this teacher were much much worse. Apparently one guy in the third period class just sat there and insulted her for an hour each day. "you're a stupid bitch, no one respects you." "we don't like you because you're dumb, give up and quit." like seriously, just berating her every day, non-stop. And she didn't throw his ass out. The culmination of the whole thing was the day that she didn't show up because she couldn't take it any more. The head of the program that we were in came in and told us that she tried to quit, but was legally obligated to continue. They made her come back, but the best part was that our class got in no trouble at all. The third period class had overshadowed us so greatly, that none of us even got scolded. I don't actually remember if she ever did come back. I seem to recall that she actually didn't, despite the lecture. I can only hope that she still has nightmares.

There was this hideous hambeast in my highschool. She was the ugliest person I have ever seen in person. Well over 200 pounds, pasty ass skin, really ugly and curly dirty blonde hair, and just a stupid ass looking face. On top of all that, she had the nerve to dress provocatively on occasion. I had a lot of classes with her, and I always did my best to avoid looking at her, and made sure to never say a word to her.

Well anyway one day my friend hands me a cassette tape and says, "this is from that hambeast, it's a mixtape." I was so fucking disgusted that I didn't even want to hold on to it. I immediately put it in my other friend's backpack while he wasn't looking.

A few days pass and she finally works up the nerve to try and talk to me. Except she does it the most awkward fucking way possible, by yelling my name down the hall and trying to get me to stop. I pretend not to hear her and continue walking so I can the fuck out of there.

Anyway later on I hear that she tried to tell her friends I was gay. Fucking rage fueled by a thousand suns.

The retards at my school always used to walk in this sad procession from their room to the cafeteria, we used to make fun of them just about every day. There was this one kid, who used to lurch around, kind of pigeon-toed, elbows tucked, wrists limp. He'd hell of just run towards people. One day I was standing there talking to someone and my friend yells out, "HOLY SHIT IT'S A ZOMBIE", and I turn around just in time to discover this jolting beast descending upon me. It was terrifying, because for a few short seconds, I genuinely thought he was a zombie.

>>9073492

Fucking lol'd man.

Also,
>some new dude comes to our school
>he's short and a giant douche
>I sock him in the face in gym class
>he complains, teacher doesn't believe him because I actually participated in sports instead of sitting around like a fatass
>douche gets sent to the office, I continue to live my life

Anyone have any Grad Prank stories? Here's mine:

>Grad pranks every year get more awesome and epic
>2 years before we graduate, start planning something awesome/artistic like filling the entire upper floor with helium balloons, turning classrooms into ballpits, hijacking the PA system to loop some stupid song, that sort of thing
>The year ahead of us graduates, everyone is expecting something great
>Go to school the next day to see smashed windows and graffiti sprayed everywhere
>Grad pranks are officially condemned by the school, and they post security the next year so no one can even try anything

Fuck that graduating class.

>freshman year at a small school, I only know a few people while everyone else knows eachother
>I quit football because the coach is a tool
>"jock" makes fun of me for being a quitter
>football team wins like 3 games
>I take his spot on the basketball team a couple months later

Also, follow up from recently:
>3 years after graduation, he sends me a message on FB
>he repairs fridges for a living
>I'm making mad cash

Fuck yeah.

>Food class
>me and a friend juggling balls of dough
>teacher tells us to stop
>without even talking about it, we both immediately fucking launch all 3 balls of dough we had at the ceiling
>they make this sweet thud, but teacher doesnt notice
>they stay there for 6 months
>one day, they're gone, but there are noticeable prints of where they were

Well let me tell you all the story of a lonely socially awkward teenager.

I was diagnosed with papilledema when I was 13, I learned I was going to go blind from it by the age of 30.
And that's in one of the best possible outcomes.

I became withdrawn, alone. Everyday I would go home and hear my parents fighting and get beat my my drunk father.

I started getting more and more depressed and almost killed myself.

I was 14.
I met a beautiful girl in my mental rehab program. Turns out we lived right next to each other most of our life's and didn't talk to each other.
Fast forward 3 months and we were in love.
Another 2 months we had sex.
Another year, I am at her funereal holding back tears.
I just had to get that off my chest.

Since i fucking suck at stories, i'll tell you about some of the people of my school.

-Josh Taylor. A fucking aspie creep, prolly lurking right now. He's weird and has no friends, not even troll friends. He loves to join conversations and start talking about hentai and weird shit. Said he would go columbine on our school and got suspended. Doesn't know when to stfu to the point where even teachers can't stand him. Loves to ask out hot girls who reject him. Got pushed through the windshield of a bus (yea, same story as above) when he punched someone in the face. Doesn't fuck with me even though i tell him to fuck off because he knows i don't take that shit.

This guy would hang out in the men's bathroom and pay people $50 to kick him in the balls.

In 9th grade we got a new teacher to the district. She taught Health class and probably some home ec shit. To me she was the health teacher. Looking back on it, she was well-educated, fair, and pretty alright all around. However my classmates decided to be dicks and I, being the new kid trying to fit in, went right along with it. We planned a pencil drop (LOLOL!) for a certain time. As it turned out, I was giving my presentation at that time. As the time hit, everyone dropped their pencil and I threw mine across the room. She got mad pissed. Later that year she ended up quitting from all the shit she took. I feel bad now. She was pregnant and probably stressed out of her mind.

>>9073964
Was it Mrs. Simmons?

>>9073888 (cont.)
-Another kid Mikey would do the same shit. I guess he was josh's only friend. He would pretend to run into poles and fall down to get attention. He's in my walking class this year and annoying as fuck. Walks around like it's a fucking sport, reading how to draw manga books. Pretends like he never gets mad. Same way in middle school.

-This chick, i'll call her T. She writes dumb fucking poetry for the lit mag like a third-grader who just learned what a poem is. Has ugly, straight cut bangs that she loves to dye all different colors. Has a disgusting, husky voice that makes me want to claw my hearing away. She has no friends, not even the losers i hang with like her. Back the summer before my freshman year, i met her at anime club at the library before i knew it was for fags. She invited me over to play pokemon, then proceeded to try to make out with me for hours (bi femanon). Now i just try to ignore her. She's a fat weeaboo cunt.

>fourteen years old
>Very skinny kid who wears glasses
>Never leave house
>Gym classes every year
>Afraid to change
>One older kid who was one of those kids who looks like he's in his 20s but is still attending high school is particularly mean
>One day pushed me over while running on rocky dirt road
>The next year in weight training, he's still antagonizing me
>I hear glass shatter in my ears after he says something about the shape of my head
>He's benching day, I grab a 50 pound dumbbell and smash it over his head
>He's taken to the hospital, as the bar landed on his neck and he almost died
>Teachers defend me because he was a known trouble maker and I was a good student.
>No charges pressed for some reason
>Never get shit from anyone for the rest of High School

Lot of coolbros and normalfags in this thread.


Get the fuck out, cunts.

>>9073888
>i tell him to fuck off because he knows i don't take that shit.

You're so tuff and manly. I want you to have my bastards.

>>9073984
Oh forget that. You're just a stupid bitch. Fuck off, cunt. Your sort is not desired here.

>>9073988
Did he die? Is he a retard? What to him after that? Did he kill you?

>>9072095
did you just tl;dr a one line post?

>>9074150

Fuck yes he did.

tl;dr: yes

>>9073988

you almost killed him because he said something about the shape of your head? nice one faggot. it's a shame he didn't beat the shit out of you once he healed up.

I got a great one. Theres was this kid named cole in our gym class. Hes basically the definition of a faggot(not the gay version). Like when boom head shot was funny(for a day) he'd say it for a fucking year just to try and get laughs. Anyways he takes fucking sports way to seriously so we all gained up on him in floor hockey, since the teacher never showed up we did what we wanted. It started off with everyone scoring on him(even his team mates) and the whole class laughing, then he got super pissed and threw a hockey stick at some asian foregin exchange student. That got everybody to start beating the crap outta him, hockey sticks were hitting him on his chest, the silent asian kids were kicking him. Felt good man felt really good

>>9073982

Nope, sorry.

Also where'd all the anger come from?

I saw some special ed guy run up and tell me his father tried to murder him while he was watching sponge bob. I lold

I remember one time I was in gym class (it's called HOPE where I live) and everyone was doing stretches. Suddenly, my phone goes off in my pocket...

You see, back in Freshman year, me and my friends would call each other mid-class, one time talking on the phone because my whale of a teacher in history was hopped up on Ibuprofen.

So I am convinced I'm fucked because everyone looked over when my phone started ringing. I decide to pick up the phone and say "You're an asshole" while hearing snickering on the other line. After my gym teacher took my phone, I found out that the teacher has to SEE the phone to take it away, not just hear it...

pic related, my face

MOARARARARARARARAR

>>9074260
You don't have a face? Interesting.

We were playing indoor cricket when I was in year 7 because it was raining outside, and this little blonde kid hit the tennisball vertically up about fifteen foot so it stuck in a roof vent of the gym. It stayed there until the day of my yr 11 graduation, when it fell down and nailed some kid in the head.

There was a message on the PA one day about one of the boy's bathroms being left in such a 'disgusting condition' that it was locked for a year. This was me. Basically what happened was I had the shits very badly that day, but I couldn't stay off because of a biology practical. Straight after it, I almost ran to the can, tore of my trousers and parked my sweating arse on it. At the EXACT MOMENT I released my quivering sphincter, I heard FLUTTER FLUTTER FLUTTER coming from inside the bowl and a fucking moth brushing its wings against my arsehole. So I sprang off the seat screaming FUCK WHAT THE FUCK and spraying liquid shit all over the floor, wall, seat, other wall and tank of the toilet (I shit you not). After that I just bombed it out of there, went home and changed my trousers, then nonchalently came back for fifth period. Felt kinda bad for the cleaners but meh.

>>9074315
>cricket

FREAK

Back in middle school, I used to get sick a lot. Puked on the first day, puked and shat myself not long after, always was sick from allergies/athsma. One day, however, it just got ridiculous.

Had lunch detention for some stupid reason, and my neck starts bleeding. I mean, for no reason (no accident, no cut, nothing) I start gushing blood from my neck. Go to ask the one of the admins if I can go to the nurse and she says no. Show her my neck, she thinks I'm trollin'. Finally, when I have blood running down the front of me, she lets me go, so I have to walk all the way across school looking like i got into a Mexican knife fight. Get to the nurse and get cleaned up, turns out i have a little nick in my neck that was bleeding really bad for no reason. Put a band-aid over it and get back to class.

After that, people though I was really weird. Any time i missed school, people said i got shot or got an abortion. Shit was weird, man.

I was sitting on my own in the lunch hall (I was feeling disgusted with my 'friends', for they were all retarded), and I saw one of the nerdy guys who hardly anyone liked run into the hall with his trousers round his ankles and filth all over his shoes and pants and run right out the fire exit, opening it by slamming himself into it. It was one of those occasions when something so surreal happened that only a few people laughed (I was one of them).

Good times.

I remember, in eighth grade, some chick pretened to be pregnant and get an abortion. Then she turned emo in high school and started doing drugs and being messed up. She couldn't spell right and I saw her sleeping outside on the bleachers once before school.

Also got this one chick who said I molested her in English class on day, even though I wasn't in her class and had never met her before. She called me bilingual like it was an insult and moved away.

>>9074312
Another victim...

We had discus practice as part of physed. We were sperated into 2 lines to do it, because the poor ass school only had to discuses.

Dumbasses didnt realise that some of us might be shit (ie. me) and instead of spinning around and sending it flying down the field, it goes straight into the head of the girl 10 feet to my right who was about to throw hers.

She dropped like a sack of shit and had to be taken to hospital for a minor concussion

This is an elementary school story, but fuck y'all:

One time I went to go take a wee-wee in the little boy's room.

I got done, came back out and the entire class was gone.

I went out into the hallways, no one was there.

I began to search around the school and amuse myself.

20 minutes later everyone comes back in.

Turns out the school was on fire and I didn't notice.

Everyone made fun of me :'(

>>9074422
Middle school with the "pregnant" girl was also really poor. Like, two blocks from the biggest ghetto, half the kids were in gangs and once the police got called cause some guys with guns came out of the woods in the direction of the ghetto. Saw a lot of people get dragged out of classes by the officer there, kicking and screaming. I was some little white girl so I had 0 friends and was constantly scared for my life. Got better in high school though.

>>9074315
>(I shit you not)
dohohoh funny guy

>>9074315
contd

There was this faggot called Ste who could not play bass for fuck - he was infinitely worse than most bassists. He once played purple haze two bars out of key in his shitty band, and we heard him defending himself afterwards by saying it was the guitarist's fault because he hadn't 'tuned to him.' He also had a 600 pound Rikenbaker bass because his parents were rich (stupid choice for a funk bassist).

Anyway, he used to think he was the bomb at funk bass, and we'd have these passive-aggressive conversations in music class where he'd keep insinuating that he knew far more than me and was generally better in life, the universe and everything. Now, in this music class was a giant hulking retard named Ian who had a carer, who thought he could sing. Needless to say, he could not, and we had to sit through many a garbled redition of Robbie Williams - 'AN FREW IT AWWWWWLLLLL SHHEEEE OFWARSSSS MEEE' etc.

So we are talking about bass, the teacher's out of the room, and there's this hurrdurring in the background as he practises, when I suddenly see the retard trip over his own mike wire and land right on ste's bass, snapping the neck in half and crushing the body (semi-acoustic). Ste turned around and went apeshit, threw a chair at the asspie which hit him in the head, right as the teacher walks in. He got expelled. Shit was amazing.

>>9074511
If I was there, I'd be your friend... Shit, I went through the same thing in middle school, I'm sorry to hear...

here is a shitty story

>beginning of jr. year in h.s.
>gym class
>going to play indoor soccer (mexican-fag what else am i suppose to play? basketball lol)
>don't feel like playing, so just walk around for most of the class talking to this mexican girl i kinda like(i wasn't the secluded retard when i was in h.s.)
>towards the end of the class i somehow end up with the ball, having done nothing the entire class i decide to show of a bit, i dribble around and decide to take a shot from one end of the gym to the other
>mad shot, going with the force of a thousand suns
>then tragedy strikes
>hits hot, blonde, quiet, German girl-foreign exchange studen straight in the face
>almost knocks her down, nose starts to bleed
>feel like asshole, accompany her bloody-nosed, red face to the nurse
>never make eye contact with her again

later on that year i made it into the soccer team, so i quit the gym class, always felt bad about it, and the showing off didn't even help, never tapped the mexican ass

>>9074422
>She called me bilingual like it was an insult and moved away.

I don't know why, but this made me laugh pretty hard.

>>9074610
Yea. :( I sat at lunch at a table with a bunch of black kids that hated me. All the white kids were the preppy/rich kind that also hated me. Shit was so not cash.

>>9074569
Looking back, it's funny how dumb she was. She was apparently a whore as well.

>>9074470
Fuck, I chuckled out loud to myself.

When i was 15 in in australia grade 9, i had a class where we basicly did nothing but sit there and get a free 100% Grade i think it was English. The teacher was never there.

one day we got bored and just trashed the room, started throwing bricks at the fans and throwing chairs into the walls.

Nobody found out it was us. good times.

Our school got locked down every couple of months, but mostly for retarded reasons. One time, a guy walked into the main office and told the secretary he put a bomb in the E pod. The cops came, arrested him, and called in the bomb squad. It wasn't until they got there that somebody remembered our school didn't have an E pod. We had to go outside in the pouring rain while they searched the school anyway. Another time, some mongo was stomping around the halls slapping the walls and any teachers he came across. He broke a window, then jumped a lunch lady. We all got to go home.

>>9074542
I was at a houseparty aged 16 and there was this emo hambeast who spent the entire evening crying and moaning about how shit life was, strethced out on a couch. I walked past when she wasn't looking, threw beer all over her, and moved away. She had no idea it was me, and ended up slapping some random douche (who's girlfriend punched her in the face).

Same party I set some vodka on fire and it destroyd the top of what turned out to be an antique table. Oh well, I didn't know the guy whose house it was.

>girl is picking on me for being chubby and not wearing makeup when I was 13
>she's in all my classes
>fucking shut up, god damn whore
>why won't you just quit being annoying
>we get paired together in some FUCKING MISALIGNMENT of english class
>asks me to do her work for her since "haha, you're a nerd right?"
>literally slap her across the face as hard as I can
>pull a Fight Club, explain she's been bullying me for years and i'm self harming and baw ;-;
>girl gets expelled
>see her on the street a year later
>she tries to confront me about it
>i pull a knife on her (it was for self-protection, i carried it around all the time)
>she starts sobbing and runs like a pussy


It was literally the most awesome moment of my entire life, and I've never been that brave again.

Year 7 systems tech class. Basically, building shit with lego. Six of us would finish within the first 5 minutes, and spend the next 80 designing super lego robot war tanks. Teacher also joined in, giving advice. Epic battles ensued.

>>9074722

> pull a fight club

I'm not seeing the resemblance.

I remember this, for some reason.

>Drawing
>Sec. generation Bangladeshi girl at table (also drawing) asks me what I'm drawing
>It's a flying klansman breathing fire at a group of black people
>She laughs
>I ask her what she's drawing
>Flowers growing on a grinning corpse
>I laugh

She was pretty cool, but her parents were wacked out cray-zee.

>>9074742
The scene where his boss confronts him about him being a fucking psycho and he throws himself into the wall, bookshelf, etc. until security arrives.

>>9074722
>pull a knife on someone and feel SO COOL

this is a shitty story, and you should feel bad

>Sitting in French Class
>Bored
>Write on desk in Russian
>"Hi, My name is anon. I speak Spanish, French, Russian and English"
>Leave it there and forget about it
>The next day my teacher says, "someone wrote something on your desk."
>Vice Principal asks me if I know anything about it.
>I deny involvement.
>No one knows Russian, and they assume its a threat.
>Police come and translate it.
>I get caught because I wrote my name.
>Vice Principal is so impressed I don't get punished.
>My mom gets called, but she thinks its fucking funny.
>feelsgoodman.jpg

>>9074748
>for some reason

The reason is that it was the last time a woman ever talked to you, and it was a woman you might've been able to date at that.

>>9074794
it wasn't about the knife per se, i just liked feeling scary.

also, you wish you had a knife.

>Get bored in math class so I start to draw "Joshs Slave camp"
>Its a fucking master piece of black stickmen getting whipped by white stickmen
>Asshole friend takes the pic and shows it to the only black kid in our school
>Have to go to councellor and vice principal to convince them im not racist
>Forced to write a fucking letter to the nigger saying how im sorry
>parents never find out

>>9074858

lol'd

Reminds me of when I was in military language school. It was the Marine Corp's birthday and somebody went spraypainting all sorts of shit in pink paint all over post. Their best work was painting the old tank, in Korean. Well, there weren't too many Marines in Korean class, so that was an easy one to figure out.

Oh man... I got some of these. None of them are too crazy, but they made life less horrible at the time.
--

Freshman year during gym there were these three dickholes that gave shit to me and two of my friends on a daily basis. We gave them shit back, because we're not the type who just take it.

Anyway, one day I decided it would be funny if I pulled a prank on one of the dickholes, Mike.
After class started I snuck back into the locker room, threw his backpack into the shower, and turned the water on.
That's over an hour of having your backpack under warm running water.

By the time class was over and we made it back to the locker room, water had soaked all the way through. Books and everything.

He literally cried. And despite that everyone knew I did it, I was never punished because they had nothing on me.

--
One day there was a substitute teacher during science. This science class was one of those with sinks at every single table, for class projects.
Instead of doing normal coursework we watched a movie that day because the substitute sucked and had nothing else planned.

Because the lights were out and it was dark, I decided it would be funny to fill up my sink with water and break about a dozen pen capsules into it.
The next day it had been discovered that my sink had been stained by all that ink.

It was decided that unless the perpetrator comes forward, everyone must clean every sink and counter in the classroom.

And of course, I decided it would be best to just not admit it, even though everyone knew I was the one who sat in that spot and made a mess in the sink. Because that's the sort of kid I was.
So, naturally everyone was assigned to clean the sinks, all thanks to me.

My friend and I did nothing to help our classmates.
Because seriously... who the fuck wants to clean sinks? You're a tool and a bitch if you do.
Everyone hated us, but that's okay because it's for the lulz.

>>9074911
I punched people like you for breakfast

>>9074911

...So you're a gigantic asshole? That's all I'm getting from your story.

>>9074867

It's a good thing that I don't care about most things anymore, or I'd be pretty depressed.

>>9074930
>>9074929
Lololololol. Yup. Douche-bag for life, here.
And dude, nobody touched me in high school. I was FRIENDS with the bullies because they thought I was funny as shit. You would never have laid a finger on me.

My friends and I got threats from jocks and macho-dumbasses like you on almost a daily basis and NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
Why? Because you're pussies who are just all talk. No delivery.

Pot related ones

>Senior is sitting class.
>Teacher walks out for a second.
>Senior lights a joint and starts smoking.
>Teacher comes back.
>Senior hides joint.
>Teacher smells the smoke.
>Senior gets expelled.
WHO SMOKES POT IN CLASS??

And another:
>Two freshmen sneak out of the school.
>Get high in a car in the parking lot.
>Return to school after.
>One of them says:
>LOL we left school, so we should go check in at the office.
>They're obviously high and reek of smoke.
>Expulsions all around.

>>9074974

I guess you're right about that. There's a bunch of people - who seem to be a lot like you - that I'd love to hit. Thing is, I'm a pretty little guy, so I'd lose that fight. But does winning a fight make you any LESS of an ass?

>>9073299
this is called nuggeting bro

>>9074974
Roughly an... 0/10... attempt... sure, success? No.

>>9075014

It's called "snugging" in my school.

>>9075002
I'm small too.
Both those stories happened freshman year. I was the shortest kid in my grade--even shorter than the girls--until sophomore year.
To this day I'm only 5' 6"

The thing is I carried myself with unbridled ego and one of my friends spread rumors that I knew how to kill people with my bare hands. For some reason the people who hated us believed it.
High schoolers are funny.

>>9074974
IM SO CLEVER GUIES LOOK AT HOW DECIEVING I AM

Next you're going to tell us you're a psycho.

our whole PE class walked into our 'forest' section to see two year 11's going at it. explusions for those two, and suspension for me cause I got so aroused, I went for my classmates breasts.

>>9074722
You sound like a badass lady.

>>9072642

They were just being gentleman. Despite the stereotypes, most Guidos are not douchebags and take respecting women very seriously.

>>9075039


Well, fuck. I guess we can't all be as cool as you. I don't go out of my way to make trouble for other people, and [most of the time] nobody does for me. So what''s your problem?

>In gym playing ballhockey
>Some dude slams some other dude into wall
>Dude falls to the floor, smacks head, siezure ensues
>Class watches as the teacher hold the kid while he continues shaking, and pissing himself
>Fucking awkward

>Music student all through school
>Used to skip classes for 'music lessons' and then go nap in the practise rooms
>Teachers would come in and wake me up when it was time to go home
>Fuck yes.


also
>had sex/got head in every single practise room at some point during my senior years

heres the stupid things i saw/did in hs
called a teacher a fucking bitch for no reason, just for a dare. got suspended.

had a boring humanities class, teacher was old and half dead, friend decides to take a shit in the bin at the back of the class room, i laugh so hard i have tears rolling down my face, he then proceeds to take the bag out of the bin, full of shit , go outside and throw it at the class room.

>>9073546

Did you happen to go to Pine Bush High School. We had a John who used to say "YES!" all the time, wear sweatpants, ask stupid questions, and was overly horny all the time. He had jew curls and a jew nose and would breakdance at times.

>>9075039
>>9074974
>>9074911
Me, still reporting in.

You know what else is funny? I somehow managed to have a sex life.
At 17 I started having sex with one of the hottest girls in the school.
It became public news (she talked, not me) that we were fucking, a lot of people flipped their shit.
In her defense, pissing everyone off was funny to both of us and that's part of why she liked me. Ego, funny, asshole, etc.

For Sophomore and Junior year I had this Math teacher named Mr. Lavine. He was probably the worst teacher ever so everyone in the class would troll him all the time.
Like, one kid brought some sort of buzzer thing that made a high pitched noise and would turn it on every time Lavine would stop talking. They passed it around too so they didn't get caught.
This other time some guys where making a ball out of tape, and he just snapped. He grabbed the tape dispenser and threw it on the ground it rage. The thing exploded, and there was sand fucking everywhere. One of my fondest memories.
His breath smelled like a sewer too.

Someone asked a teacher if she was pregnant...she wasn't. It was for a bet. The guy won $5!

>>9075153
nobody cares bro


>In Italian class, 14 years old
>Fucking Italian, how does it work?
>Window next to me, large enough to fit through
>Jump through window as soon as teacher turns around to write on the whiteboard
>Run out of school and go get lunch with best friend

>Friends with assholes and bullies because I sell them pot / there's an endearing ignorance to them.
>Douchebag like >>9074974 knocks over my bunsen burner and sets fire to my book, then cackles like a retard, telling everyone to look because the teacher is out of the room.
>I wait until class is over, wait for him in the hall
>Strangle him with a tie and smack his head against pipes until he's begging to be let go
>Spit on him
>Get excluded for a week
>Come back a hero and beat him up regularly
>He starts cutting
>Beat him up more

I loved being the school's pot dealer, but it got me kicked out eventually.

>>9073683

I can't believe no one here commented on this post. I literally laughed for a whole minute at the thought of a retard project mayhem.

>>9075078
I dunno what my problem is...

To be fair, that was all years ago and I'm not exactly the same guy. 22 years old now, in college, and more or less behaving myself when necessary.
Once I started dating that girl I mentioned in my last post I decided to clean up my act, for her sake. Despite that I felt invincible back then, my ego was wearing on her and I realized I couldn't act like that forever.

I guess back then I was just running on auto-pilot with no shame over my actions. Because let's be honest... humor > boredom.

>in HS, girls think I'm funny but no one is romantically interested
>summer between sophomore and junior years,get first real girlfriend
>come back to school, chicks are suddenly into me,including girl I'm really into who friendzoned me
>FFFUUU
>end up dating the girl for 2 more years, it was fun

Later in life...
>bang the friendzoner, now in semi-relationship
>FFFUUU YEAH

>>9074610
parallelism at its best right there

I was a little early for my civics class so I figure I'd use the bathroom. I come back and the whole class starts clapping and cheering at me. One dude took off his shirt and started swinging it around while shouting my name. Hell yeah.

>>9075244
Sometimes life works out.

>>9075268

I feel like you were the butt of a joke, there.

>Really depressed
>Walk home after school
>See girl Ive liked since gr9 on the bus
>She waves at me while smiling
>Brightens my whole day up

10 days of school left now and I'll never ask her out

>>9075283
Yeah, but I'm sure his class wouldn't have explained, even if he had ARSED 'em.

>>9075292
Just talk to her, man.
At the very least, it'll show you that cute girls aren't scary after all.

>playing volleyball in p.e. class
>ball coming my way
>oh god oh god oh god
>bump that shit like a boss
>incidentally makes it into a basket ball hoop
>fuck_yea.jpg

A lot of funny stories from the volleyball days. I once made the ball into a trash can. Another time, I hit a retarded kid square in the face. Oh jeez.

>>9075268
OMG, I want this to happen to me.

Anyways, in middle school, there was this little nerdy kid who, for some reason, always wore gold chains and rapper stuff, even though he was really sweet and shy. So, one day, he brings a steak knife to school to show his friends how badass he is. A teacher catches him, and asks what the fuck he's doing with a knife. I swear to god, he replies, "I thought we were having steak in the cafeteria today." He got sent off to the alternative school, lol.

> Wake & Bake
> Gym class first period
> Playing baseball, standing in the waa-aay outfield. (no good at sports, figured I should stay out of everyone's way)
> Kid hits ball RIGHT at me. Like, that shit had a homing device or something.
> Slowed reaction time
> OH GOD IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
> Thrust out arms, ball lands in arms
> Win

>>9072642

God I wish America wasn't a pussy country and didn't hold there gun laws by the balls.

>Be in 8th grade
>Friend and I get high, planning to go to school after
>Dealer put bad shit in there, we were fucked
>Friend threw up and was about to die
>My mouth was as desert dry
>Cool Black friend comes by and helps us
>Gives me water
>Tells one of his friends to take my friend to school
>Black friend walks me home
>Sleep
>Wake up and wonder if my friend died

Apparently my friend was so fucked up the school called his parents and he had to go to the doctor. He also got expelled.

>Big fat loud bear looking dyke in my English class Junior year
>Her boyfriend looks like a native american war chief
>Make a drawing of a bear and indian making love in art class
>Both of them cry about it

>>9075387
How many Americans do you actually trust to have guns?

>>9075444
>My mouth was as desert dry
>was as desert dry
>was as desert
>was as

Also,
>Cool Black friend comes by and helps us
>capitalize "cool" and "black"

Dude are you high right now?

I used to walk to school late every day and every day I would get stopped by the same cop hed say something to the effect of "are you on your way to school" and of course I would say yes, for that was where I was headed, and that was that. then when I got into school everyday i would see the principal and he would ask "heading to class" and I would say yes and be on my way to class. I always found this especially funny because I would see kids getting pulled over by the cops and driven to school in handcuffs and escorted to the office and then they would get suspended just for walking to school late. I never received any punishment. I never got passes (which you were supposed to get if you were late) and nothing bad ever happened to me. I had never heard of a similar story from anybody who went to the same school as me. I guess I'm just a fucking bad ass.

> 6th form
> get high at friend's house during free period
>come back at lunch, don't feel good
>realise I can't go to fifth period cos I'm too high
>go home and tell mum I'm having a migraine (excellent plan imo)
>sleep it off
>get drunk at prom and tell the whole story to head of year
>it's ok because I learnt my lesson

>>told a girl I was courting, "listen, I hate to tell you this, but in about two months, you'll have forgotten all about that other guy."
>>and then, she did.

>>9075028
Was called "Burritoing" at mine.

>Kids playing basketball on court
>I'm messing with the soccer ball
>Douche comes along and kicks into basketball game
>Hits kid in the nuts
>Kid get's furious and punts the ball
>Ball bounces off of backboard, goes into the hoop
>All of the gym is going fucking apeshit

Good times...

>>9075507

Read that as
>and then, she died

I was all :O

>In wood working with bros laughing about shit
>agro asian thinks we where laughing at him
>hits my freind over the head with a lump of wood three time before we can react
>Asian kids parents are rich
>gets put down to a "cultural misunderstanding"
>We get in trouble for racism and asian gets off scot free

>listening to ipod in tenth grade
>"excuse me" from teacher
>what
>"give me your ipod, those are prohibited in class"
>dead eyes
>stare at him
>"I need this to remind me to breathe."
>class starts giggling like motherfuckers
>teacher sniggers, goes back and continues teaching class, i keep listening to music

>>9073492
JUST FOR THE SEXUAL THRILL

THE SEXUAL THRILL

OH MAN BEST STORY EVER

>suck at shop, take it anyways for the lulz
>accidentally leave acetylene tank on full blast instead of shutting it off
>if no one had noticed the school would have fucking exploded
>have to sit in classroom for 2 days instead of going to shop

Then a couple weeks later
>my friend uses plasma arc welder or some goofy shit
>he's just dicking around with some piece of metal
>gets kicked out of class for 3 weeks

haha!

>Luddite teacher
>unplug his mouse, but leave it sitting in just enough so it looks like its in
>he calls in the school comp sci teacher who solves the problem

and (same guy)

>uses one of those old mouses with a ball in it to move around (not optical)
>take ball out
>watch him spaz

>Find a lighter in my pocket in chem class
>Checks to see if it works
>Sets a dollar on fire
>Put it out, but it smells like crap
>HUEG DEAL ZOMG CHEM CLASS COULD BLOW UP

We never used any chemicals in that class. We always did learning with m&m's lol

>>9075621
that was not the best shop story ever, this is

>take shop because fuck home economics and learning to cook
>one of three girls in class
>teacher is honest to god paedophile
>keeps touching class slag to ostensibly show her how to play with her wood right
>gets her to stay behind
>I report him to school administrator after getting a bad grade for my awesome pencilcase which i made
>Girl is taken to counselling, he is fired

that was a great pencilcase. i still have it.

>>9075666
you're a woman... post pics.

>>9075640
You set something on fire in a classroom. You're an idiot. Your greentext does not conceal this at all.

>>9075568

I had a similar thing, except i said "i dont have an ipod, i just like the way headphones feel in my ears, and there are no rules banning headphones"

"then let me see whats in your pocket"

"dont believe I have to do that either"

>she mad. leaves

I sit with a kid at lunch who is without a doubt the most socially awkward person I have ever met. He makes /r9k/ look like a bunch of alpha males. He never says anything, even when I try talking to him he just kind of stares. Speaking of staring, he never stop looking at girls asses. And he doesn't peek and look away,mind you. He full on stares, blatantly. Everybody sees him and everybody calls him out on it and he just keeps doing it. He's honestly embarrassing to sit with.
Anyway, one day some kid I know was talking about some movie he saw with his girlfriend over the weekend. I didn't really give a shit and was just reading a book or something. The kid looks over at the guy and asks out of the blue "So, did you fuck her yet?". Keep in mind, they don't know each other, they've never spoken to each other, and the table the other kid was sitting at was full of girls.
Everybody, me included,looks over at him and says in unison "Shut the fuck up you fucking creeper".

To this day he does not get the message and is still a creepy fuck with no social skills.
And I sit with him anyway...

>>9075741
Awesome, man. You should uh.... maybe tell him to see a counsellor about being a fucking aspie.
>>9075705
I did not think about this. This is a great idea.

We had a fat bully in my grade. Never picked on me because I was taller than him. He was telling everyone that he and his mum had planted an apple tree awhile back in his yard and he had the first first apple from that tree in his lunch box.

Lunch came... he opened his lunch box, I ran up and grabbed it from his hand and threw it at the ground. Apple smashed into a million pieces.

He cried.

>>9075461

How many drivers do you trust on the road? A retard shouldn't have a gun license.

>>9075484

Why do you have to put me on the spot like this anon? Yes. And I'm also listening to Far Away.

>>9075741
He's probably a genuine aspie.

Like, not /r9k/ self-diagnosed aspie, a real fucking aspie.

>>9075773
You're a cunt.

cuntbloxxxxx

ITT: Normafags and underageb&

Fuck this shit. Go back to /b/ faggots.

Since I'm an interesting person and all, here's another pointless story of my life.

This morbidly obese girl sat behind me in science one year. She would often complain about everything, how she hated herself, her family, the world..
One day she's bitching and moaning and me,being the optimistic chap I am give her this quote.
"Everything has it's beauty but not everyone can see it". Pretty sure it's Confucius...Anyway, I was talking about life in general, probably should have chosen my words better.
She swooned like nobody has ever swooned ever, and about five minutes later comes up to me and says "You're really nice,you know that? Cute too. I would do ANYTHING you asked me too, you know."
She was smitten with me the rest of the year. Ans she wasn't subtle about it, either.
How ironic is it that the only girl who I've ever known for sure likes me was morbidly obese, chronically depressed, and possibly suicidal?

>>9075809
you just need to smile more, smilecat. i will be your friend.


protip: i'm not morbidly obese or suicidal, okay

>>9075809
She liked you because she thought you were implying you saw the hidden beauty in her.

"Everything has it's beauty but not everyone can see it"

"morbidly obese, chronically depressed, and possibly suicidal"

Sounds like you could listen to your own sage words a bit more carefully, bro.

>>9075771
You want to know this truth? I do nothing but berate this kid. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I go out of my way to tel him when he is being a creepy weirdo(which is often).
He wonders why girls don't like him, and he tells me.
Naturally I have to tell him the truth,and still he does this shit...

The fact that he has the personality of a block of wood probably doesn't help him that much either.

Fuck...he might ACTUALLY have aspergers, he fits the profile.

>>9075809
you should feel lucky! I don't think anyone has ever actually liked me...

I went to 3 different high schools, so I never really made any friends. By the summer time before senior year I was fucking depressed so I took up bodybuilding and got fucking /fit/. Bitches were grillin and bros were mirin. Anyways, one day I got paired up with two hot girls for a group project in physics. I invited them to my house after school when my parents weren't home for a project. Long story short we ended up having an amazing 3some. Haven't gotten laid since then though.

On the subject of school-

I remember this hot chubby Black shit with the biggest titties I've ever seen for a fifteen year old.
Anyways, I got to know her through a friend of mine and a few weeks later we spent most of our
school time in the girls bathroom feeling eachother up. Thinking about it gives me a boner but I'm
too fucked to feel it. Man her mouth felt good. Best sexual experience in my life.

She wore tight clothes too, man.

>>9075835
Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate her. I just didn't want to date her. If you want to know the honest truth, she acted way too much like I do. She basically personified my insecurities but with an extra layer of stupid bullshit. Hell,she probably knew what was going on in my mind better then most other people I know...
I know enough about myself to know I would never go out with anybody who acts like me.

She was a nice person...just a little too negative for me.
The fact that she was half my height and three times my weight didn't help either, as much as it makes me feel like an ass to type it.

Some kid with autism was really nice and tried to make friends with the norms. One day, he came up to me and asked, out of the blue, "Do you have a roof rack on your vehicle?"

Before I could answer, he turned to the door next to us and began to put his tongue and mouth all over the number sign on the door.

He turned back as if nothing had happened. I said, "No." He responded, "Why not?" I said, "Because I don't need it."

He immediately asked, "Are you a junior or a senior?" "Senior," I replied. "Oh, you're in the same grade as me," he said, and then proceeded to walk off.

I love it when speds try to be normal.

In pre-calc I sat across from this kid named Connor. He had genuine asperger's and wore a fedora and a trench coat every day (seems like every high school in America has one of these kids). He also had that really flat, monotone aspie voice.

Since he had asperger's, people just put up with his shit all the time. By senior year, he was practically floating. That's how fucking inflated his head got. Smuggest fucker in the world. Low-brow South Park-style libertarian, always trying to start political debates.

And when he'd get an answer wrong in class....ohhhhhh boy. He'd argue with the teacher for up to 15 minutes. And again, no one had the heart to tell him to just shut the fuck up.

Anyways, one day during lunch while he was in the bathroom, I dumped a bunch of apple sauce into his backpack. Like 8 of those little containers. I thought it was hilarious. A bunch of girls called me a bunch of names and started hating me, but fuck, I wasn't ever gonna hit any of that anyway.

Connor never bugged ME again, at least. So...I'd say I won.

>>9075886

Oh lol, my racism was on auto pilot. I said chubby Black shit.

Meant chubby Black chick.

>Grade school, 6th grade I think
>playing dodgeball in gym
>asshat little boy keeps throwing balls at girls boobs
>(little girls boobs are super tender at first)
>we both get close to the line
>he hits me in the chest with a ball at point blank
>I don't react (late bloomer)
>Kick him in the nuts in retaliation

He cried like a little bitch to the teacher but she said that since she didn't see it, it didn't happen.

>>9075886
>hot chubby Black shit

I...I need you to elaborate.

>>9075773

Lol... so mean

>>9075911

See this post here anon, it explains everything. Typing typing typing.

>>9075898

>>9075809
Dude, how the fuck was that ironic? This is /r9k/, right?

Gr9 gym class, playing indoor soccer no biggie. Ball comes my way proceed to kick the ball, some kid kicks my knee cap. Fall down and I look at my knee and see the fucking cap is dislocated. Have to go to hosptial. Become mr.popular for all of gr9.

I wish there was a single retard in any of the schools I went to.

There was this guy with a mouth deformity or something, but that's about it.

>8th grade
You know how there's always the one student the teacher hates? It was me in Foods class. TBH, I was a dick, but she deserved it. We sat in tables, and the whole class recognized that she hated our table. Anyway.
>tired of this shit
>make forum talking about how much we hate her
>our table plus like 3 other kids post on it
>get caught
>OSS for me, ISS for most of them
>totally worth it, no regrets
>stayed home coming about .8 seconds away from the worlds fastest lap in Super Mario Kart
>since was end of school year, only missed review days
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

>>9075996
Congratulations on your posting to the Office of Strategic Services, we need good men like you to subvert and turn German and Japanese spies. See you in Langley.

During lunch this one day I guess there was a bomb threat or some shit and this teacher comes out screaming, "RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES! THERE'S A BOMB!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

Needless to say, brix were shat.

The whole school went into chaos. People running into streets and screaming.

Turns out it was a prank phone call. Go figure.

>>9075809
That is a coincidence not irony.

Here's another one.

>Paper ball gets thrown across the room
>Paper ball fight ensues
>Me and my friend make 10 page paper balls
>Beam them at people
>My balls enlarge
>Crush 20 papers into a ball
>Beam it at the teacher when he's not looking
>"God fucking dammit, I'm sick of this god damn shit."
>He storms out
>Massive amounts of laughter

Oh man, good times.

I did not have a tail in high school.

Archive?

Heres my story.

In our biology class they have these gas valves that of course emit gas. Anyways the teacher left the main valve on and everyone is telling her to turn it off. Shes oblvious as fuck and says theres nothing wrong with them. So me and my friend turn all of them on at the end of school and then close the doors. The next morning they had to evacuate everyone outside till they turned the gas off

i had vowed a path of non-violence and learning.
then i found out a friend had been raped. never before have i ever wanted to kill someone so badly; she didn't deserve that from him.

>>9075898
lmao how could a back person even be hot??

>>9076113
>I'm now picturing someone with a back for a torso

ffffuuuuu

During sophomore year, gym was the last class of the day. So anyway, I was in the locker room after everyone else had left and was stripping down to take a shower, when a cute freshman boy walked in. Long story short, we blew each other in the showers. I found out later that he was gay and that made things kind of awkward since I wasn't gay and he wanted me to be his boyfriend.

Seinor year of HS (last year lol) I was a Teachers assistant for many teachers and a librarys assistant. I went into the teachers lounge to regulargy do work and found a file cabinet where they have Generic Tests for Math, Science, English, (Prety much every class at the school) One day I photo copy them all onto a flash drive and convert to pdf and made a website. Website by end of month gets 2400 hits a day (3400 kids at school) I fucked with scantron machines, regularly chaining the key so full classes either failed or got A's

School notices huge trend in A's and Scantron fucking, Police investigation launched, They track down my site and my servers @ my house. I get 300 hrs community service, 1 week suspension, 400 fine to change all file cabiniet locksin school (FUUUUUU)

Graduation day My name is called and the whole school starts chanting my name for like 5 minutes strait. Random "cool" kids take pictures with me facebook freinds go from 200 to 2000.

Oh and fucked a quite hot chick at a grad party 2 days later shit was cash.

>>9076113

Well for me, usually by being born an attractive human female.

>>9076137
..........fuck.
>back

>>9076166
you are a god a pure fucking god

>>9076167
>>9076113
>human female
>how could a black girl be hot?

What the fuck.
1. Not human
2. Some people are into bestiality

>>9076221

>Impyling my answer was serious
>Implying I take racism on /r9k/ serious

derp

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There was this Russian girl at my high school who wasn't one of those hot Slav chicks you'd expect-she was an overweight, sloppily dressed weaboo. She was extremely pretentious and no one really liked her except all of the faggy weaboo kids.

I had three classes with her in my junior year. One time in philosophy I glanced at her and she was chewing her hair. We made eye contact, and at that moment I realized I could never look at her again without bursting into laughter.

>freshman year
>in gym
>DODGEBALL TOURNEY FUCK YEAR
>form 4 man team with some bros
>finals
>up against some of the biggest dicks in the school
>fuck their shit up
>troll our way to finals and win

>sophomore year
>advanced gym
>football (TACKLE FOOTBALL FUCK YEAR)
>first day
>girl I like going out for pass
>she catches it
>jack her the fuck up
>she gets a concussion and breaks a rib
>apologize to her at hospital
>receive BJ

I've told this story before but it must be told again

all our science classrooms were in one hallway, and everyone in our year had science at the same time.
Our teachers were always late so people would randomly turn off the lights (it went pitch black) and everyone would start screaming and pushing each other. One day I was really pissed at this dick who bullied me every day and decided I'd hurt him in the dark. I positioned myself near him and waited for someone to turn off the light, then ran and kicked him as hard as I could before shoving through the crowd.
Now this usually went on for half a minute but it was two minutes or so before the teachers realised. They turned on the lights and I saw my bully unscathed. I wtf'd pretty hard, I kicked him with all my strength and felt him crumple.
And then they picked up a first-year girl who was delivering a message to the science staffroom. Her leg was snapped sideways and people had trampled all over her, smashing up her face and re-breaking her arm which was in a cast.

Felt really guilty, they had an assembly the next week and told us she'd never run again because of her knee and we were all to blame.
Heh.

>Go to little brothers graduation.
>sit beside fat woman.
>little blond girl gets passed to her.
>see nipples on little girls chest.
>get aroused.
>FUCK.

I remember when I was in year 7 (might have been 8) the Iraq War started our entire school just decided to march around the site in a big group chanting antiwar slogans. Probably lasted a few hours, with teachers following us around screaming at us to stop.

Some of the teachers let us skive off lessons to go sit in the fields later that day.

Trying to think of other stories.. I got in a lot of fights. That's about it. I was one of the annoying nerdy kids but nobody fucked with me.

I used to get suspended constantly for violating the hair length rules, then I shaved my head, then I got suspended for having hair too short. I got suspended once because I was walking to school in the morning and this little bastard pointed and laughed at me for no reason, so I threw him to the ground and kicked him in the face. I kicked him so hard that as his head hit this plant behind him it smashed the big ceramic pot it was housed in.

His parents got me a juvy police record for that, had to go down to the station and have a formal interview and everything.

I used to spend most of my time in music class playing guitar with the older kids.

>Annoying jew kid starts making fun of rather large kid of German descent
>German kid takes it for weeks
>German kid finally gets up, punches Jew kid in face, does Nazi salute and yes 'SIEG HEIL'

Not even kidding.

>girl who liked me at school tried to show she was hardcore by explaining her friend had a nipple piercing (15 at the time)
>i ask to see it in the bathroom
>end up fingering the chick with the piercing
>other girl is heartbroken
>end up dating piercing chick for 3 years while shes still BFF with heartbroken chick

my face when heartbroken chick tries to explain that shes loved me all along when it was painstakingly obvious to everyone, but i kept fucking her friend anyway.

>>9076404

Oh, another one.

>Annoying Scene girl with horse teeth, fake tan, and no boobs sits infront of large window that leads into classroom, talking about how popular she is
>Kids in classroom start making giant spitwad out of a whole box of tissues
>After about ten minutes, kids nail window with giant spitwad, girl freaks out, everyone laughs

>get a German FES
>take him to see a WW2 movie his first weekend here
>lol

>>9076477
LOL. We had a German exchange kid who was a real laugh and a half. Really loved the guy. I remember watching TV with him one night and Schindler's List comes on.

He yells out in frustration,

"ACHHHHH, NOT AGAIN"

Everyone bursts out laughing.

>>9074434
Probably the weakest troll attempt I have seen people try to make popular.

Story 1:
>4th grade
>hang out with best female friend at recess
>starts raining
>yell "this sucks"
>friend's boyfriend thinks I'm referring to his girlfriend
>I don't go to school next day due to illness
>find out a day later that friend's boyfriend was suspended from school for bringing knives to school on the day I was sick, apparently with the intent to stab me
>holy_fuck.jpg

Story 2:
>5th grade
>sitting on bus
>much older kid tells me to get out of my seat
>I refuse
>he starts yelling directly in my face to get out of the seat
>I repeatedly refuse
>bus driver makes him sit in the front, suspends him from the bus for a week
>I feel vaguely like Rosa Parks

Story 3:
>4th grade
>watch someone else play Oregon Trail on class computer
>other person puts teacher in game
>teacher dies of snake bite
>I announce to the class that teacher died in the game
>later get sent to the principal's office because apparently I was "happy that she died"
>what_the_fuck_am_I_reading.jpg

I could not tolerate the shit of human social dynamics, especially the shallow, spastic, self-centered generic group scene in stereotypical high schools.

Everyone thought I was going to shoot up the school anyway.

So I said "fuck all of this shit. No. Just no."

And went to charter school with as little social interaction as possible.

I hate schools. I utterly detest them.

I remember in elementary school for example, I didn't fit the sensitive, self-esteem oriented social conditioning that is present in the lower tiers of the liberal cesspool of California liberal education. I broke so many of the molds that the nutcase teachers try to plaster every child in to that they tried to drug me and tell everyone I was special.

It turns out I had a higher IQ and test scores than any other child that attended the school.

>>9076498

hahaha

Germans are funny man.

I said the robot legs quote from Grandma's Boy and he thought I was being serious.

OP here nice thread guys im going to bed

Not my story, but a friend of mine went to a school where halfway through the year, the parents of the rich kids (i'm talking hills of Cali rich) BOUGHT THE SCHOOL. Essentially, the rich kids were able to do anything they wanted in the school, and even got a kid who pissed them off expelled.

Story #1 where I come off like an asshole
So when I was going to high school (many years ago) we had a lot of retarded kids at our school because the theory at the time was that kids like that had to be mainstreamed. So until you got onto the Honors/AP track almost every one of your class would have someone genuinely retarded in it, like full on drooling/crapping themselves, needing a special aide to make sure they don't disrupt class retarded. So people eventually got to hate them.

So one day some friends and I go up to one of the more high functioning ones named Scott, probably had Down's Syndrome since he kept chewing on his tongue. We told him that if he could kiss all the girls, every one of us would give him a dollar. He instantly goes about doing it, chaos ensues. It was the gift that kept on giving because he would just randomly ask almost any white normal person for a dollar for a few days until he forgot about the whole thing.

>Good friends with jock's girlfriend
>Play with her nipple rings in class
>Story gets back to boyfriend
>Assembly
>Go to bathroom
>Jock follows me and my bro into bathroom with his goons.
>He steps into my face and scream "Stay the fuck away from my girl bitch or we gonna have a problem."
>Put on trollface
>Respond as if you could beat me faggot.
>Walk out of bathroom
>AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN.JPG

Can I have some moar, sir?

>>9076527
I was a lot like this too. I've always knows I was smarter than most people too, so I was probably the only one who wasn't suprsied when I took an IQ test and scored almost a perfect 100.

>>9076695
You best be trolling nigger.

Bestbetrollinblox

>>9076611
Story #2 where I'm even more of an asshole

OK, so even though my high school was in a pretty decent town, lots of rich people, for some reason there was a pretty decent population--maybe 5% or so--of Mexicans. Like, Mexicans who were so new to the country that they didn't even speak English. They mostly kept to themselves though and the ones who did speak some English seemed like nice enough people, so I dunno why we decided to fuck with them but it's high school so whatever.

Someone I hung out with at the time decided it would be really cool to see if we could start a race war. Try and play a few of the black kids against a few of the Mexicans and see what happens. Well, seeing as how it's high school, the predictable result happened. One fistfight starts, then both sides' friends all jump in and start talking, one thing leads to another and then BAM, too many fights to contain. It was pretty epic. The downside came when the assistant principal made the whole school have a series of assemblies for "racial tolerance" that ended with a really lame skit where a white kid, an asian kid, a black kid and a hispanic kid all talked about their differences and became great friends. I wonder if the retards felt left out.

I got kicked out of school because my english teacher thought I was fucking insane.

Meh. Not really interesting

>>9076695

>perfect 100
>IQ test
>youbestbetrolling,jpg

>>9076166
Fuck...that sounds like a movie.
It's a movie isn't it?

>>9076611
>>9076711

OK, Story #3, last one for awhile. Far less assholey, but I guarantee that the average robot will hate me even more for it.

So when I was in high school, I played football and it was kind of a big deal. After going to college and talking to people, football seems to be a big deal at any school, but at ours it was huge. Pep rallies before every game, 7000 seat stadium that was always filled, being on the team meant that you "were" someone. Even though I wasn't good, I at least was on varsity and had a letterman jacket for 2 years, so that was cool.

Anyways, since football was such a big deal, the jackets were kind of a big deal also. So there was this girl who had turned me down when I asked her out in junior high who was kind of hitting on me, so I decided to really ruin her as much as I could. Over time I gradually let her get more comfortable with me and one windy day I was like "hey, you look cold, you want to borrow my jacket?" And her face lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree.

So anyways, at lunch in front of almost the entire rest of the senior class I went up to her and was like "HEY BITCH GIVE ME MY JACKET BACK" just completely out of the blue. She acted completely and totally stunned and gave it to me and I just kept ripping into her yelling "DID YOU THINK YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME?" and the like until I finally made her break down into a crying fit.

And lulz were had by all.

>>9076782

No, this is real.

I miss high school now because of it.

freshman year, me and my friends watched our band director vacuum while listening to earth wind and fire... was pretty entertaining

also...

was changing into band uniform before a football game and these guys from the visiting team come in and piss while moaning loudly... I snuck out unnoticed... was incredibly awkward

>>9076840
Dude... that's an epic fucking tale.

You didn't need to fuck with the scantrons though and you could have gotten away with it.

pre-arranged prank

guy 1 asks to go to bathroom
once in bathroom he calls guy 2 who's still in class.

guy 2 picks up phone and says loudly so everyone hears..." its guy 1". Guy 2 then says loudly " wait... what?! how'd you get that much blood there? OOoooOO.... so is it just on the wall? or where is it?"

hilarity ensues due to implications.

>>9076840
I'm being dead serious here, that sounds like any highschool movie I've ever seen.
Find a way to sell that shit.

>>9076815
biggest asshole story of the 3

Well. I spent my Saturday night reading every post in this thread. I miss high school now : (

>>9076531
Shit yeah they are. The one at my school had this ID card with a badge-looking symbol on it. His favorite hobby was whipping it out like a police ID and making kids doing stupid shit believe he was going to arrest them.

The only time I saw this firsthand was when a kid walked up trying to sell us his mom's pills or some shit. Guy flips open his wallet and goes "STATE POLEEZ. GET ON ZE GRAWND, YA LIDDLE SHIT!" Kid sprints in the other direction, crying the whole way.

Good times.

Senoir year, our computer teacher was arrested on charges of hiring a prostitute. His classroom was room 404. A week after he is arrested, and promptly fired, someone scribbles with a sharpie below his room number "Teacher not found".
Kinda lulzy

Same year, a friend of mine came to school after consuming a cup full of mescaline that morning. He had a very vivid day.

Year before that, another friend was stuck with a water bottle full of vodka after his girlfriend stuffed it in his bag during class. Several people chugged en route to their next class.

>>9077034

same here
this thread made my saturday night
sorta sad but fuck it, thanks to everyone who contributed a story

so me and my friend who play a lot of doom had this great idea but OH FUCK IM DEA-

My best friend left school in year 11. The next year I found out he was gay and married to a 50 year old.

>>9074200
looks like a really cool guy who isn't afraid of anything to me.

You got a problem, vid boi?

>>9076920

I wish bro, considering we were the not the underdogs of the school but we weren't the popular kids.
Though they knew us very well.
Shit, our time in high school would make a good movie.
>PISSAN OFF TEACHERS
>SKIPPAN CLASS WITH TEACHERS TO GET FAST FOOD
>Loosely implied sexual encounters with teachers.

Damn, I really miss high school now.

>>9077059
Same here! I'm in my last 2 weeks of HS now and I realized Ive never had moments like these, and i'm kinda regretting not being more outgoing now.
Oh well, I'll just have to try and make up for it in college.

>>9074210
>we all gained up on him
>gained up on him
>gained

and the story was stopped in its tracks.

There was this one guy in our computer class during my senior year of High School who was thought he was the absolute King when it came to computers. He boasted to the class about his computer had the same motherboards the US Navy uses to run their ships. So he brought this miracle PC in to class one day, and wanted everyone to try to crash his PC, thinking no one could do it. A friend of mine struts on up to the desktop, hits CTRL+A and sloooooooooowly pushes enter. All the programs on his desktop began to run simultaneously. 3 seconds later, black screen of nothing.

We hated this guy so much in the class, everyone would tell him to shut up or call him a faggot, and the teacher was the Football coach, so he really didn't give a shit, and would only occasionally tell us to quiet down about it. One of the other dudes in our class was pretty handy with Photoshop, and put the coach's face on an Abercrombie model's body, and posted it up in the front of the class. It stayed there for the rest of the year.

I had a genius to the left of me and a bro on the right. Bro and I would play Funky Truck for half the class after we went through the silly little program they had. You were allowed to use notes on all the quizzes and tests, so everyone just pretty much copy/pasted all the information given, and just about everyone got A's.

>go in thread
>read replies
>RAGE

The_reason_why_school_shootings_are_justified.jpg

>>9077303
ITT, the aspie we all bullied in high school.

>new spanish teacher in building, a 26 year old babe
>wore a thong to school once
>a kid was dared to pull it
>the kid does pull it
>teacher screams, dean puts him in detention for a month with a letter to parents
>one day during that month, kid balls up and grabs the teacher's hips, grinds into her ass and dry humps her while holding her tight
>kid expelled
>teacher got transferred to a different high school

>>9077289
thats fucking amazing, new prank learned.

SBHS - South Burlington High School.

A girl was caught giving head at school. Then she was caught giving head to another guy, same week.

>>9075741
This reminds me of my math class. My seating options were between a guy who always tells the most boring of stories, and it's terribly obvious that he is making it up so he's not even creative, and this total social outcast. I chose the outcast as I figured it'd be easier to get work done with him. Fuck was that kid ever retarded.

He had like no friends and would always freak out whenever people would talk to him. One time he went for a vacation and when he came back one guy asked him a couple simple questions like "How was your vacation?" and shit like that, just being nice, and he freaks out "STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!".

A few days he before his vacation in math class, after like twenty minutes of no words being exchanged, he asks "How many dragon pokemon do you think there are?".

>go to all-male Catholic high school
>freshman year is filled with gay jokes
>for most classes, this ends by sophomore year but we continue it
>graduation day in senior year
>class clown yells "fuck my ass!" as he crossed the stage
>school decides to rescind his graduation, diploma nullified

FUCKING GAMESTOP

we called that " nuggetiing" at our school.

I just remembered another one from about a week ago.

My English teacher has a room that seems to attract wildlife on a near constant bases. Generally what happens, a bird fly's in from the window, crashes into something, and dies. It's happened about 5 times this year.

The other day she was telling us how it had happened AGAIN that morning. And then, out of the fucking blue a bird flies up from the back of the room. Except it doesn't crash into something and die, no,it flies around the class for the next 45 minutes while everybody is scrambling around trying to find a way to catch it. It ends up finding it's way inside the radiator,which had to be taken apart by a janitor. Janitor searches radiator,no bird. We know it's in the room,but we don't know where. For the past week we've been hearing this bird fluttering around and chirping,but apparently nobody can get it.
She has a sign on the door now that says "Please don't try to catch the bird,it will only anger it".

>>9075893
>wore a fedora and a trench coat every day (seems like every high school in America has one of these kids).
Oh wow now that I think about it even my school did.

Freshman gym class, everyone in school has to take it. I have 2 stories;

1.
>ADHD kid is stupid like a motherfucker, and an asshole to me for no apparent reason
>he's 5'3" (if that); I'm 6' at this point, in pretty good shape too, since I swam year-round
>basketball unit, ADHD kid decides to foul me hard on purpose, takes out my knees
>"What the fuck dude?"
>trollface.jpg "What are you going to do about it?"
>punch him square in the jaw, send the kid sprawling
>my gym teacher is my swim coach and saw the whole situation go down, I have to sit out the rest of the period, but no long-term consequences
>totally worth it

2.
>required to run laps around the gym to music at the beginning of every period; they called it "Fun Run" (most inaccurate name ever goddamn)
>running with skinny fuck friend of mine
>ADHD kid runs up, grabs skinny friend's finger, goes "Watch this!" and bends his index finger back
>my friend's finger dislocates at the joint just above his knuckle
>"What the fuck did you do that for?"
>trollface.exe
>chase faggot around gym while my friend is taken to the hospital
>wind up checking the kid into a door, he hits his eye on the door handle, has a black eye
>"Serves you right, you dumb motherfucker"
>again, gym teacher is swim coach, so I get in no trouble

Don't fuck with me or my friends.

>In music class for 3 an' half years
>In concert band and jazz band
>Switched from clarinet legion to fuckhuge contrabass, supporting low end and being only string instrument
>Eventually in choir and guitar ensemble as well
>Helped out percussion ensemble on some occasion
>Good student, actually practiced
>Bros with both music teachers
>Wrote two arrangements of classic rock songs for concert band

All I got for it was a shotglass.

In my old highschool there were a few kids in special ed.And every day they would run around the school hooting.Like this: WOO woo WOO woo!!!there would be a thumping of feet that got gradually louder and then a 'tard would run by a second later the special ed teacher trotting after.I guess it was cheaper than a special ed PE teacher.My description sounds crappy,but it was hilarious.

>girl crying
>teacher asks whats wrong
>girls says her boyfriend is joining the military
>douchbag beaner sitting next to her says he hopes her boyfriend gets shot
>teacher slams beaners head into desk
>teacher not reprimanded
FUCKYEAH.jpg

>>9077554
You shouldn't even have gotten a shotglass. You dont get prizes for attending class you idiot. You improve yourself.

>Spanish class:
>Swap seats for the day
>Class's running joke is shit about cats
>Sitting in someone else's seat, i fucking cover their entire desk in a collage of drawn pictures of cats, including one i named Catlers, a cat with antlers wearing a Santa hat.
>Next day, teacher confronts me and asks if I drew the cats.
>Look down while getting yelled at, notice she's holding a paper of notes for the day that's also covered in cat pictures
>Teacher is in on the class joke?
>teacher-student-highfive.jpg

felt awesome. i got off the hook, she laughed but still made me clean the desk.

>>9077303
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>>9077303


What a bunch of fucking assholes. Srsly, americunts are just fucking retards...

We had those stupid candygrams in highschool that you could send to people, and me and and a few of my friends decided it would be funny to send this goofy kid a bunch from random people. Anyways, i thought it'd be a good idea to send him a bunch from the hottest girl in the grade and even included her phone number on a some. They all get passed to admin, admin looks up the number, questions hot girl, tracks down me and my friends, we all get called down to the office while i'm in the middle of a history test, we all play dumb and get yelled at for 15 minutes, get off scott free, i go back and finish the test ftw.

Geez, what is it with you guys and picking on the special ed kids?

Multitudes of stories. Here's a few:

A few people decided to play pranks in the middle of the year.

First prank - fire alarm.

Second prank - Filled largest cups available from cafeteria with horse-shit. Placed cups in front of each door in the cafeteria so when the cafeteria crowd floods out, the cups are knocked over and horse poop goes everywhere. Smelled awful, but the look on the administrator's faces was priceless.

Third prank - Administrators are now posted EVERYWHERE because they know something's up. As the lunch crowd lets out and there's umpteen-million people in the hallway, someone throws three fire-crackers and a smoke bomb. Crowd freaks out. Administrators have no evidence because there were so many people around. Hilarious.

My senior year, a few girls in my graduating class decided to prank the underclassmen parking lot. They covered a bunch of cars with ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles and eggs. Thought they were really cool until they were caught and identified within 2 hours of pulling the prank. They left the grocery bag and the receipt from their purchase in the parking lot. School called the store and got the security cam footage. The girls didn't walk at graduation and didn't get their diplomas.

>>9075893
>wore a fedora and a trench coat every day (seems like every high school in America has one of these kids).

holy shit

>>9077808
>called the store and got the security cam footage.

Son. I am proud.

>>9077760

They shouldn't be in school with the rest of the kids. Our always got bused in well after everyone started class. They made sure we didn't mix at all.

We did have one dude who was pretty functional, just a little messed up. He was fucking silly, man. He used to pretend his desk was a tractor and he'd start it up, diagnosing why it wouldn't start. He also swore in front of teachers a lot without realizing it. He's probably the best mechanic any of us had ever seen. Bit of a Rainman type. He also played the triangle (out of sync) in the band.

I had my hair in my mouth, and it was all muffled. I threatened to rape you.

I pissed all over the bathroom stall everyday.

Every single day

>>9077808 here again.

More recently, my school was involved in two sex scandals in one day. Within two hours, local news broke that there may have been a sexual assault or rape between to special ed kids AND that our administration found out that one of our teachers was sexting a student.

Way to go, school. Way to go.

>>9077537
here. I'll tell some baww type stories, cuz I was a faggot around chicks in high school too.

1.
>chick seems really into me in junior history class
>ask her to go to museum for an extra credit project, lunch first
>"Ok, anon! Sounds like fun!"
>Sweet! Go to lunch, great conversation, she's in an offbeat religion (Eckenckar, look it up), but seems to have her head on her shoulders
>everything better than expected, right?
>wrong
>expect we're going to be at musem alone, together
>turns out, she called my arch-nemesis (not ADHD kid, but a kid with comparable intelligence and athletic skill, but in different sports/academic subjects; we don't get along at all, despite being in similar friend groups) to join us; he is there with one of his faggot yes-men friends
>she spots him, starts talking to him
>"Fuck this"; I walk away rather than talk to nemesis
>spot girl later; she is sitting hand in hand with this guy
>still drive her home, raging; say literally nothing the whole drive back
>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

2.
>IMing girl I've never really had sexual interest in, but I'm a 16-year-old virgin, and she's a good friend
>convo turns to sex, she tells me she and her friend have "always wanted to have sex with a National Merit Scholarship winner"
>that's me! lolwut? "Ummm, this is kind of out of the blue, but sure, I guess I'd fuck you"
>"Oh no, silly! I didn't mean you; but congratulations!"
>( ._.)
>friendship surprisingly not strained

used to be sceneshit. every day, a creepy old history teacher (later accused of child molestation) would come "say hello" to me, aka check on me because i looked like bad news. then, one day, greentext is him.
>WELL HI THERE, ANON
uh, hi, mr. sally.
>You know, i was watching Jerry Springer the other day--
wait, what?
>--And I saw this girl with like 8000 piercings. And I thought of you!
[i had two piercings. nothing ridiculous.] ...i only have two..
>Your hair looks like that crazy cracked out singer, what's her name..
Amy Winehouse?
>That's the one! Except that Amy Vinehouse hides her cocaine in her hair. You got drugs in your hair?
uh, no. i can't hide stuff in my hair. and i don't do drugs.
>Good, 'cause then i'd have to have you arrested. /deathglare
.............what?
>/walks away suddenly
...what just happened here?

>>9074315
>>9074315
>>9074315
>>9074315
>>9074315
LAUGHED MY ASS OFF myawtblukss

I'm in love withone of my teachers. Shsoot me plz.

>>9077967
And an encore, because the field was too long:

3.
>take girl to homecoming senior year; she tells everyone she's my date; she seems really excited
>everything better than expected, right?
>wrong
>she dances with everyone, BUT ME. I don't dance with her all night. So fucking aggravating/frustrating.
>wind up dancing with her friend, awkward nerdy but athletic kid, just like me; pine after her for like 6 months before realizing she's a giant treehugger
>drive "date" home from homecoming, too, but this time I actually confront her about her bitchiness

4.
>really like girl senior year, we get along well, talk a lot; similar interests, she's cute, etc. etc.
>She asks mutual friend if I like her (friend from story 2, incidentally)
>mutual friend asks me
>"NO, not really"
>facepalm.jpg
>mutual friend tells girl I like what I said
>she stops talking to me
>man...
That last one is one of my few regrets from high school.

But it's all good, you have to have some awkward experiences; there's no way for everyone to be perfect all the time; As the Friz would say, "It's time to take chances, make mistakes and GET MESSY!"

Once time at band camp, three kids were caught fucking on a pool table to freebird.

>>9077967
Oh yeah, NMS winner here, gotta use that as a pickup. Hey baby, I scored so high on the PSAT they should give me a medal or something. Oh wait, they did! Wanna come back to my place for some "analogies?"

>>9078066
That's what I said before I had sex for the first time. Needless to say it turned out horribly.

>>9078110
Yeah, learning to do anything can be challenging, especially when there are intimacies like sex and relationships involved. Best you can hope for is someone who is understanding.

>>9078066
She was better than all my teachers combined...

Another gem from Idiot-Car-Prank, Sex-Scandal High School.

Our high school went through German teachers every year or so. There were two positions, but due to many random circumstances no teacher ever held either position for more than a year (it was like fucking Harry Potter or something).

Anyway, one year we got this new lady, Frau Anys. Her last name was just a joke waiting to happen (it's pronounced Ah-nees), but everyone called her Frau Anus. She was also balding, horribly. She was only in her late 30's or early 40's, but you could see straight through her her scalp.

One day, they found her sleeping in the school year-book office. It had a couch and a TV, but also lots of filing cabinets and work materials. Apparently, she saw a couch and assumed it was a lounge. A few students woke her up and asked her what she was doing, so she just bolted.

She also INSISTED on calling me Bruno during class. I told her many times that I didn't want to be called that, but she insisted because she said I looked like her son, who was named Bruno.

My friends and I did some Google-investigating (read: internet super-heroes). Turns out, before she came to our school she once launched a day-long manhunt for her son because she believed him missing. Turned out she did her morning routine differently and dropped him off at daycare before her other errands, then freaked and assumed he was missing. She was fined for crying wolf.

Last I heard, one of my friends encountered her huddled in the fetal position bawling in the hallway.

>get friendzoned
>get girlfriend
>friendzoner wants you

and at the same time
>dance with cute quirky girl at homecoming,make connection
>she gets pregnant later in the schoolyear

After high school
>single now
>friendzoner becomes hot young woman, has a thing for me
>cute quirky girl has a thing for me
>a couple of other chicks: "i had a thing for you at one point or another"

WTF WHERE WAS ALL THIS HIGH SCHOOL PUSSY IN HIGH SCHOOL NIGGER GODDAMN

>>9076527
holy shit.
you sound like a total faggot.

>take pre-AP computer
>teacher is SysAdmin
>he leaves room due to teacher needing computer help
>get on his laptop
>figure out passwords to important things
>Fuck the server the rest of the year

I'll sum my stories up to quick green texts

>Laptop taken in class
>Class ends
>Go to get laptop back from teacher
>1 sec need to beat giant Donkey Kong

>Fuck friend's girlfriend on last day of school
>it was horrible, she wouldn't let me touch her
>realize I had been used
>tell friend
>still friends

>ask girl to homecoming
>says yes
>talk to online
>Bitch pulls the "only friends" shit
>forced to go with this bitch
>dont dance with her at all
>grind up on another friend
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

>Chem class
>Same very hot spanish girl would always rub her ass against my crouch when getting books
>Never really say much to her
>Continued doing it till last day of school
>feels good man

>Prep rally
>Things get totally out of hand
>Wheelchair kid flys into the middle of the basketball court and does 360s flicking off all the administrators.
>Riots ensues
>Tons of people fighting around me and outside
>Walk non challantly to my car past 15 or 16 cops running
>watch cop motorcycles driving up the curb and police cars swerving in
>felt awesome man

>Digital Design 3141
>took class every semester
>Play UT2004 LAN with all the other students everyday
>get special diploma at graduation.

>Science class freshman year
>Kid stands up in class randomly and shouts "I LIKE TO DRESS UP AS HITLER AND HAVE NUNS THROW GELATIN AT MY TESTICLES!"
>Other kid next to me turns around and yells "SHUT THE FUCK UP".
>Not sure why I would share this
>I lol'd

I'll think of more later.

>>9078237

Yeah basically this.

This one is occurring right now.

>see beautiful girl in classes throughout senior year but too timid to talk to her
>get stuck in project with her during second-to-last week of school
>get to know her, she's absolutely amazing
>ask friend to ask her if she likes me
>she doesn't like me like thatbecause I'm bi and it would be "too awkward"
>finish project with her
>get depressed because I probably won't hang out with her ever again
feels_bad_man.jpg

>>9078402
Maybe you shouldn't be a fucking faggot.

One time we had one of those lockdown things, except the "threat" was just some kid running around in a spiderman costume through the school. =/

>>9078356

fucking lol'd at the wheelchair story. That can't be true. Please tell me it's not true.

>Black Spanish teacher
>every fucking February we watch movies about Martin Luther King and the Mayas and Aztecs because apparently all oppressed people of color are the same
>end up becoming pretty ace at Spanish anyway because it was like a secret code and I took it all four years

>>9078411
Well it's not like I go talking about it on a daily basis, it's just a generally known thing.

>>in love with girl since freshman year
>>long story short, never got together, but she acknowledged and reciprocated
>>things got awkward
>>senior year, talk a lot together
>>ask her to winter formal, she says it's not her "thing" but she's excited for prom
>>get offended, start hanging out with other girl
>>other-girl's friends tell me she talks about me all the time, wants me to ask her to prom
>>ask other-girl to prom, she says yes
>>desperately in love with other-girl, still talk to girl #1
>>girl #1 gives surprise hug at prom, asks for a dance
>>tells me she'll miss me after high school, kisses me and leaves
>>become friend-zoned by fickle and aloof other-girl
>>never see girl #1 again
>>self, I am disappoint

>>9078419
Oh it was true, the principle chased him around trying to turn off the wheelchair on the back, but it took her probably 10 minutes at the least.

The entire sophmore/junior and senior class were there too. It was excellent.

OH! and not only that, but it was being broadcaster to everyone in the school that wasn't at the assembly too. I wish I had a recording of it.


This is all I could find on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy8pgUcMHWI

this one is better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPXVRbUZwtY&feature=related

guess this is part 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ff70jZ2XM

>>9075893
I had a kid in my (public) high school who wore a full suit every day. His name was Connor, too.

>>9078512
Oh and here is the kid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OSn2BRXwxU

>>9074210
Lol, i just pictured in my mind a giant angry troll that roams the forest daily, bullying and harassing the wood fairies, all that bad stuff. Then one day, all the woodelen fairies got together and crafted a giant rope, which they ensnared the giant with, and for 10 years continually pissed/beat the shit out of.

I had no friends in high school, I wasn't an aspie or any shit like that, I just preferred playing shit like EQ/WoW.

Total bros with all the teachers, ended up eating at teachers lounge everyday talking to teachers about Survivor.

>>9075488
Probably because you always said you were on your way to class, instead of arguing with the cops.

I bet the kids who got driven to school in the backs of squad cars were just lippy dipshits.

>>9078571
Good god, you suck.

>>9078110
Are you Arnold? "Oh NO, NOT AGAIN!!"

>>9076152

>we blew each other in the showers.
>I wasn't gay

wat?

>>study hall senior year
>>class moved to cafeteria due to construction
>>don't know anyone in class, sit at a table by myself
>>teacher asks if she can sit at my table, I say okay
>>end up becoming friends, she's pretty cool
>>bad-ass, old-man economics teacher comes to visit every morning because he and other teacher are friends
>>one day...

Study Hall teacher: *reading the classified section* "Hey, Chuck, here's one for you. 'White, sexy BBW looking for lovable caring man'."

Cool, old-man Econ teacher: "Oh, go to hell, Elaine."

>>Lulz for all

>>9074911
I wrote this. Returning.

Junior and senior year me and my girlfriend would sneak off campus for lunch breaks almost every day so we could have sex in my car. Good times.
And our lunch breaks were usually extended too, because her 4th period teacher always marked her as present and I just didn't give a shit enough to go to class at all.

>>9076152
I agree with >>9078610
Wat?

Also... that kid sounds clingy and desperate.

It was eighth grade and I was extremely fat. I normally don't use public restrooms, but I had a terrible stomachache in health that day. I went to the bathroom, and choose the crippled stool. t's far larger than the rest. Really comfortable for doing heavy paperwork, if you catch my drift.

Long story short, some fucker in a wheelchair came in and got pissed because I took his stall. I didn't flush

>>9078467
Then don't be "the bi kid". Be "the guy in a monogamous relationship with a hot chick". Shit's not that hard. Tell her you've gotten a bad rap/why doesn't she just try a date with you.

>>9075886
>hot chubby Black shit

stopped reading there bro, that just sounds disgusting

So in my AP Psychology class, i have this girl who is hot, yet is complete fucking bitch to everybody, to the point that it is a fucking turnoff. Well, one day, shes being a chatty Kathy when the guys (who all sat in one corner becasue there were only 4 of us in a class of 11) he tells her to shut the fuck up. She retorts, and finally he just snaps and calls her the biggest bitch he's ever met in his entire life, and how she makes his mom look like the fucking virgin Mary. He got suspended for a few days, but she never spoke out in class again.

>>9078402
Keep talking to her. See if anything moves forward. If not, back off and keep her as a friend.
If you have to stay in the friend zone with her, move on to a different girl. Not every decent looking girl in the school is going to be a dumb, shallow bitch about something as trivial as your sexuality.

>>9076275
>>9076275
SIR OUR JOCK DETECTORS ARE OFF THE CHARTS!

>>9078512
>"FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS SHIT!"

hahaha

awesome

>>9078656
>>9078737
Thanks for the sound advice, I'll keep this in mind.

>>9078654

This reminds me of that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

"you don't get to use that stall!"

>>9074260

HELLO FLORIDAFAG

So anyway I was fucking around in Bio. The electric socket at the lab bench is loose so I twist it a shit load, I hear it spark and smoke comes out causing me to almost crap myself. I quickly forgot about it. Days later we need to plug a microscope in, it doesn't work, the teacher tries it out himself, shocks the fuck out of himself. I had to fight the urge to laugh as well as show horror at almost the possibility of almost killing somebody.

>>9078786
I love that stall. if you ever get the chance, take the crippled stool

>>9078794

Oh yeah I love Florida.
I was gonna post that, but I didn't want to be anon-loser.

>First year of junior high
>Halfway through the year, new girl shows up and is in a few of my classes. She's awkward but cute.
>Go on field trip to a Mexican restaurant and end up sitting across from her
>Talk about Mummies Alive! and other cartoons, hit it off real well
>Last day of school or close to it (memory is foggy), she comes in a dolled-up. I hear rumors she likes me.
>We get to spend the second half of the day outside
>Big ugly mongoloid kid says she is "his girl", I'm confused. He leaves me alone.
>Meet up with her, flirt.
>See her on the way home, she walks with me, we might have held hands (foggy). My best friend is there and gives me a "nice, bro" look
>She walks me to my door and we part ways.
>Tell other friends about it, they call my house and leave a message in a high pitched voice pretending to be her and talk about lewd sex acts, my mom hears it.
>Rumors spread about us, she gets embarrassed and ignores me.
>Summer goes by, she ignores me and tells a friend she is "over me"

feels disappointing, man

I'll never forget Mary. I wish I could remember her last name. All the girls after that were psychos who friendzoned me.

Bitches be trippin'.

I have a recent one,


was two weeks ago,

new kid in school came about two weeks earlier he is openly gay, not like respectable gay but LOOK HOW GAY I AM GIRLS I CAN CRITICISE EVERYONES FASHION i hated him cause he called one of the guys i know a nigger not at all opposed to racism but it gave me a reason too hate him,


anyways me and 3 bros were in the library and he comes over says something about anal sex and everyone says i have to return my book leaving me alone (sigh) with him

i said jokingly you scared everyone away with all the gay he says come here so i lean in expecting a slap which i deserved, instead i get a kiss broke that kids nose in front of about 6 teachers and 100 students, gayboy gets in trouble for sexual harrassment i get off scot free

tl;dr punch gay kid for kiss no trouble for me

>>9079421
This is why those of us with the gay can't have nice things. All the outspoken ones are flayboyant prickheads.

Anyways, I have a story from my junior year. Too lazy to paragraph, so greentextin'.

>Second-to-last 'true' week of school rolls by.
>Friday comes
>First period: one of my mates gets a text from her brother. He and his mates are stoned as fuck and skipping. Not a surprise.
>Third period: she gets another text from him saying he's coming in high. Something is mentioned about seeing an awesome turtle.
>Fifth period: Sitting in the bio room across the hall, watching some boring bio movie. Hear some laughter in the hall.
>Lockdown is announced.
>Shouting down the hall.
>Rush to small-ass room windows
>See huge-ass snapping turtle cruising down the hallway
>Security has no idea what the fuck to do
>Mate's stoned brother and company brought a snapping turtle back with them

It was magical. Eventually we were pried away from the window, but hell was it magical. The next week someone let loose a ton of frogs, snakes, and mice as a senior prank, so our school was pretty much a beautiful zoo of terror.

>year 7 pe changing room
>boys get told to go to boys back changing room
>push door open
>senior football team (or some bunch of fags) all naked
>big swingin dicks burnt into memory

If I went on a homosexual murdering rampage that experience would be part of my sexual abuse defence

>>9079532
>>9079532
>>9079532
i feel for you mang gay kids like him should be forced to do something unpleasant so that normal people who are gay can be gay without being gay GAY

Retarded kid in food class turns sink on, fills it up with detergent, forgets about it. Me and my buds just watch that shit slowly rising with our trollfaces on. Cause he put so much soap in it the bubbles were halfway to the ceiling before he realised.

He slipped over running to stop it.

one time a raped a rapist in the rape hole

>GO INTO PHYSICS LAB
>LOOKING DOWN AT FEET
>SUDDENLY NOTICE FAMILIAR MUSIC
>LOOK UP
>TEACHER IS PLAYING THE EVA OP ON THE PROJECTOR
>MY FACE

This thread is /r9k/

I AM PROUD

awww....

thread is dead now?

Sophomore year
On halloween, kids frequently dress up. I did myself, and inadvertenntly ended up attracting this senior chick. At the time, I had a major crush on someone else, so I was glad I was not noticed afterward. Besides, I'm not sure I could even handle having a relationship with somone I just met.

As for the girl I was interested in, I had been attracted to her since middle school. We had sorta been friends before, but as soon as she found out she stopped talking to me. I diddn't know, so I recklessly attempted conversation, and tried to figure out what was with her. We diddn't have classes together for a while in high school, and as time went on, things got tense. In the end, she had become so afraid of me that she started carrying a handgun with her outside of school. We happened to pass each other outside a grocery store, and she FREAKED OUT. She drew the gun, and shot at me, missing. I ran, but she continued this panic firing, and hit me in the left leg. I recovered, and she managed to continue as if nothing had happened. I stay at least 30 feet from her with no restrining order. I am over that mess of horomones now.

>>9079970
Oh, and there was this retard on my bus who thought everything was a party, and that he was the life of it. Supprising how well he has adapted to typical jock/wigger culture.

>Senior year in JROTC
>changing into uniform in firing range
>hot girls come in to change too