Me: (cooking bacon)

Alarm: EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE EVERYWHERE.

Me: Damn it. (retrieving stepladder)

Alarm: ALL THINGS THAT EVER WERE OR EVER WILL BE ARE NOW ABLAZE. ABANDON YOUR HOPES AND YOUR CHILDREN AND FLEE.

Me: (jabbing at smoke alarm with broom)

Alarm: CAUTION THE FIRE HAS EVOLVED CRUDE TOOLS AND IS ATTEMPTING TO SILENCE MY WARNINGS. LAMENT, BROTHERS! LAMENT! TELL MY WIFE I WAS FAITHFUL TO THE END.

Black Person: HEY. YOU'RE ONLY THREE FEET AWAY FROM ME, BUT I AM GOING TO YELL LOUD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE IN A 50 YARD RADIUS TO HEAR OUR CONVERSATION

Other Black Person: THAT'S COOL, I'M GOING TO TURN MY MUSIC TO THE HIGHEST SETTINGS SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR IT CLEARLY THROUGH MY EARBUDS. NOW WE CAN BOTH ENJOY THIS SONG! MAN, THAT'S A SICK BEAT!

WHY DO THOSE TRAINS HAVE NOTHING IN THEM! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!

i kinda like this thread, continue

Cop car: I AM A COP CAR, WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT FOR ME, THE COP CAR, WHO IS GOING TO DO VERY IMPORTANT COP THINGS

Me: it's late

Cop car: CITIZENS FEAR NOT, FOR I AM A COP CAR GOING TO PROTECT YOU FROM DANGEROUS THINGS. HEED MY WARNINGS AND DO NOT GET IN MY WAY

Cop car: Why would I get in your way, it's the middle of the night. Who is even on the road this late?

not funny sage hidden reported

>>8710208
this is one of the funniest posts i've ever read in my whole fucking life

Me: in class

bell: YOU MUST ALL NOW LEAVE.

Me: *sigh* packs up stuff

bell: LEAVE NOW, TO ANOTHER ROOM, WHERE MANY LEARNINGS AWAIT YOU

me: leaving room

bell: DO NOT STOP, DO NOT FALTER. DO NOT LOOK BACKWARD ON YOUR QUEST

What would have made it funnier, OP, is if you drove by their house with a train whistle shortly after. Hahaha.

>>8710194
Wow andalite porn...

Penis: TOUCH ME TOUCH ME TOUCH ME
Me: Fine...
Penis: FASTER! FASTER, YOU DOG!
Me: FINE!
Penis: THAT'S IT BRO, YOU GOT IT. YOU GOT IT GOOD. GET UP ON THAT HEAD SOME MORE, THIS ISN'T A JERGINS COMMERCIAL
Me: Hold on, I want to see where this porno is going...
Penis: FUCK IT! UUUUGGGHHHHH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
Me: Noo...This porn is about to get good!
Penis: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M GOING TO BED.

I muchly enjoyed the Animorphs books when I was a kid. Interesting books.

Dump truck: DELICIOUS TRASH NOM NOM NOM
Me: Ah what the fuck. It's really early
Dump truck: AHAHA, JUST KIDDING. JUST MOVING THIS TRASH AWAY.
Me: Why are you banging the dumpster?
Dump truck: JUST BEING CAREFUL I DON'T MISS ANYTHING. DON'T MIND ME, JUST A HUMBLE DUMP TRUCK HERE
Me: Could you do this at another time? It's early and I have to get up soon
Dump truck: HEY, I HAVE A JOB TO DO. GOTTA MOVE THIS TRASH TO THE DUMP. IT'S WHAT I DO.
ME: Dump trucks are assholes

I like the thread, but not the loli andalite.

>>8710482

Muchly isn't a word, bro. Why don't you morph into someone with a better grasp of the english language.

Car alarm: HEY! I THINK SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL ME! CALL THE COPS

Me: No one is stealing you, someone must have bumped into you or something, shut up

Car Alarm: ARE YOU SURE? I THINK YOU ARE WRONG. HELP!

Me: I'm not calling the cops! You're being stupid, be quiet

Car Alarm: NO THEY ARE. HERE, I'LL IMITATE A COP CAR, THAT SHOULD MAKE THEM GO AWAY

Washing Machiner: HEY, HEY! YOU THERE, THIS LOAD IS DONE FOR SURE, OH HELL YEAH THIS SHEET IS DRIER THAN YOUR MOTHER'S SNATCH!

Me: Oh, that's cool just give me a minute, I need to finish up this paragraph for my-

Washing Machine: NIGGA WHAT YOU BEST BE GETTIN THESE SHEETS OUTTA ME THEY ARE SO DRY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!

Me: Ok, holy shit I'll get the fu-

Washing Machine: YO HURRY UP, MAN IF THESE SHEETS WERE JEWS I'D BE THE NEXT AUSCHWITZ, BITCH!

Me: How does that feel? Good?

Girlfriend: Meh.

Radiator: CLANG CLANG GODDAMNIT.

Me: Oh no not tonight shut up man, shut up.

Radiator: DID SOMEONE DIAL UP SOME HEAT ABOUT THREE HOURS AGO? CAUSE WE ABOUT TO GET MAD COZY ALL UP IN HERE.

Girlfriend: What is that noise? Is that your radiator?

Radiator: EL HEAT IS ON ITS WAY. JUST GIVE ME A COUPLE HOURS TO DO MY THING.

Girlfriend: It sounds like two steel drums humping. Ugh, I'm getting a headache.

Me: I can turn it off. (Twists dial)

Radiator: AW NUH-UH MAN YOU DONE AWOKE THE BEAST. WE FINISHIN' THIS.

Girlfriend: I'm sorry, it's freezing in here, and my head hurts. I'm gonna go.

Me: No, wait! I can throw a towel over it or something!

Girlfriend: I'll see you later.

Radiator: DRUM SOLO YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

>>8710586
i fucking lold so hard at this.

Smack: ALLOW ME TO PAINT A PICTURE: PUPPIES AND KITTENS FOR CLOTHES, A CLOUD TO LAY ON, AND EVERY PISS YOU TAKE IS FUCKING RAINBOWS
Me: Awesome!
Smack: KISS ME AND ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! I LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU!
Me: I love you too! Come here! Let me kiss you!
Smack: TOGETHER FOREVER!
Me: Where kittens? And the urine rainbows?
Smack: ....
Me: Hello? Where did you go?
Smack: ...
Me: You told me you'd always love me!
Smack: I do love you. That's why I have to kill you one day.

Car Alarm: HEY FUCKERS I'M HERE OUTSIDE YOUR DORM WINDOW

Me: Goddamn, how long does it take to turn off your damn alarm?

Car Alarm: HEY IS ANYONE THERE? I'M JUST PARKED AT THE SIDE OF THE R- *alarm stops

Me: Who even uses car alarms anymore anyway? Geez.

Car Alarm: HEY DUDE IN THE ROOM WITH THE LIGHT ON YOU THERE DUDE? DUDE DUDE

Me: Fucking Christ *trying to read

Car Alarm: HEY DUDE YOU THERE? I'M KINDA BORED. WHAT ARE YOU DOI-

Me: Finally...

Car Alarm: AHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA LET YOU READ, MOFUCKA YOU DUMB

Me: *walks to the window to see which car to key

Car Alarm: COOLFACE.JPG

>>8710540
NO U

I can say nonexistent words all I want. In fact I say that nonexistent word a lot, and it's usually put off by my considerable grasp on the English dictionary. But hey, you don't know that, and I'm not going to demonstrate it, so why don't we both just shut the fuck up?

Me: Oh, hey laptop. I'm just gonna open some stuff up so I can listen to music while I wor-

Laptop: FUCK NO YOU AREN'T.

Me: What? I'm just trying to-

Laptop: YEAH? FUCK YOU. I'M FREEZING RIGHT ABOUT NOW. NOT SO TOUGH, ARE YOU BITCH?

Me: God dammit. Every time I need some urgency. Oh well, guess I'll go make some lunch while this thing acts like an ass.

Laptop: FA LA LA. I'LL JUST BE HERE, NOT DOING ANYTHING. OH, AND WHEN YOU GET BACK, I'LL STILL BE FROZEN. YEAH? YOUS A BITCH-NIGGA, BITCH. NIGGA.

archiveblox?

>microwave: YOUR SHIT IS DONE

Me: Chill out 1 minute, I'm rinsing this off

>microwave: I SAID THAT THE TIME HAS RUN OUT THIS SHIT IS COOKED

ME: relax

>microwave: REMOVE THIS COOKED FOOD FROM MY BELLY AND PUT IT IN YOURS,RIGHT NOW

Wonderous thread, continue :3

Cat: MEOW.
Me: Shut up.
Cat: FUCKING MEOW.
Me: Shut up.
Cat: MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW
Me: FUCK. Fine, I'll let you out. *open door*
Cat: LOLNO, JUST PLAYIN' DAWG. IMMA GO BACK TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
Me: One day, I swear to god I'm gonna punch you in the face.

>>8710650

Fuck you are you from Flinders Uni? My car got keyed!

Seriously, archive this shit

4chanarchive.org

6 more people.

>>8710848
No haha, I didn't actually key the dudes car. And I'm at ASU anyway.

Colon: You need to shit right now!

Me: Damn, one second colon.

Colon: Hey, you need to shit.... now.

Me: Hey colon you need to chill ou...
>Shit pants

Colon: Told you, man.

>>8710874

what's ASUbloxx

>>8710900
Arizona State

>>8710848
adelaideblox

>>8710928

Do you know where and/or who keyed the before mentioned car?

Dog: SQUIRREL
Me: That's nice
Dog: SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL, SQUIRREL, SQUIRREL!
Me: Hush, Doug, I'm trying to watch TV
Dog: LET ME OUT LET ME OUT THERE'S A SQUIRREL I MUST PROTECT YOU
Me: It's just a squirrel, there is no reason to hurt it
Dog: NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE IS VIOLATING OUR TERRITORY LET ME OUT I MUST STOP HIM! SQUIRREL! SQUIIRREEEELL!

>>8710963
Nope. I don't even know where Flinders is.

Lemon:YO, PUT ME ON YOUR CHICKEN, DAWG
Me:No, you taste awful.
Lemon:NO, REALLY DO IT.
Me:No.
Lemon:DAWG, DAWG DAWG DAWG LISTEN DAWG, DAWG?
Me:WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Lemon:OOOOONNNNNNN YYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRRRR CCCCCCCHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEEEEENNNN!!!
Me:Fuck off

Refrigerator: HEY! I THINK THE DOOR IS OPEN! YEAH MY DOOR IS DEFINITELY OPEN.

Me: I know. My hands are tied. I'll get to it in a second.

Refrigerator: YOUR SHIT IS WARMING UP. IT'S GOING TO SPOIL.

Me: Christ, hold on. I'm literally going to put the milk away and close yo-

Refrigerator: THE DOOR IS OPEN.

Me: I kn-

Refrigerator: SOMEBODY SHOULD CLOSE ME OR FOOD WILL GO BAD.

FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU OP FUCK YOU

Me: Fuck missed the bus, better start walking.

Dog: AWWW SHIT MAN YOU BETTER TAKE ME TOO

Me: No fuck off, you can go stay at home.
>start walking to school

Dog: HEY LOOK MAN LOOK I'M RUNNING IN TRAFFIC

Car: YOU DO NOT BELONG ON THE ROAD DOG YOU ARE A CANINE NOT A ROAD VEHICLE

Me: Get the fuck back here dog.

Dog: FUCK YOU IT'S A FREE COUNTRY

Car: Hey, just a friendly warning, my lights are still on, and my door is open. Could you check on that?

Me: I know. It's OK, I left the lights on on purpose.

Car: Hey I don't mean to bug you, but my lights are on. And my door is open, and the engine is off. You're going to drain my battery.

Me: Car, be quiet. I want the lights on.

Car: HEY. You should really turn these lights off!

Me: CAR I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO TELL YOU.

Car: LIGHTS ARE ON LIGHTS ARE ON LIGHTS ARE ON

Me: Would you please be qu-

Car: LIGHTS ARE ON LIGHTS ARE ON LIGHTS ARE ON LIGHTS ARE ON

>>8710682
loolol
Should have bought a mac

>>8710980
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS NOT FOOD!!!

Me: this show sucks

Hypnotoad: LOOK AT MY EYES. MY EYES ARE LIKE SO RANDOM LOL.

Me: i mean, what the fuck even is thiALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

Alarm System: SOMEBODY IS BREAKING INTO THE HOUSE. I AM GOING TO ALERT THE AUTHORITIES.

Me: Nobody is breaking in, I just walked in and opened the door.

Alarm System: NO. MY SENSORS HAVE DETECED SOMEONE BREAKING INTO THE HOUSE.

Me: No, it's just me.

Alarm System: HIDE YOUR SHIT AND DEFEND YOUR HOUSE! SOMEBODY IS BREAKING IN!

Me: Why the fuck did I even get you in the first place. Nobody is ever going to break in in this neighborh-

Alarm System: I SWEAR THERE IS A NIGGER NEARBY.

>>8711163
what is this post I don't even k.....ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

We need TWO MORE archive requests.

http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/main.php

There, a link right to the submission page. What more do you want?

>>8711230
OP here
Seriously kid, fuck off. If people want to archive it they will. It's only mildly funny so far anyway.

>>8711239
Thread would be semi archive worthy (although probably not) except for OP's pic... Really? You chose loli andalite?

>>8711230

Anon: WE NEED MORE ARCHIVES.

Me: I know. We can just bump the post with more of these and people will read it and see the reque-

Anon: C'MON GUYS MORE REQUESTS.

Me: Cool your shit. If we add more, people will archive it. Don't stank up the thread with useless pos-

Anon: ONE MORE REQUEST!

Me: i am a thirsty motherfucker. sip slurp sip

Water fountain: YOU'RE TAKING TOO MUCH WATER. THATS MY WATER!

Me: You are connected to a plumbing system. You have plenty of water

Water fountain: BUT WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF WATER? THEN ILL HAVE NO MORE WATER!

Me: You'll be fine, just let me have a little bit more wat-

Water fountain: SAVE SOME FOR THE FISHES

GUYS, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS ISN'T ARCHIVED YET. WE'VE TOLD YOU WHERE AND HOW. WHAT AND WHY SHOULD BE OBVIOUS, AND WHEN IS CLEARLY NOW.

WHAT IS GOING ON???

>>8711267
This is 4chan. Is loli andalite _really_ the most shocking thing you've seen on here?

Laptop: I AM LOW ON BATTERY POWER AND REQUIRE REPLENISHMENT.

Me: I'm aware. It says you have 20 minutes left. I'm going to be done using you by then.

Laptop: I AM GOING TO DIE. YOUR WORK WILL BE LOST.

Me: I'm not even working on anything, I'm just reading articles.

Laptop: YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR WORK TO BE LOST AND I DO NOT WANT TO DIE. RECHARGE ME.

Me: Y'know, you're wasting more energy by just saying tha-

Laptop: I NEED TO BE RECHARGED.

Me: Sup?
Weed: Yo.
Me: Should I be...
Weed: ...
Me: What time... um...
Weed: Eat something.
Me: Yeeaaahh Haaaa! I fucking Looooove Totinos Pizza Rolls!
Weed: Yeah... eat those.
Me: I'm gonna eat me some of those.
Weed: Do that.
Me: Damn straight JACK!

Bird: ANYONE WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME? LISTEN TO MY SONG. IT'S PRETTY.

Me: Yeah, I guess you're right. It is pretty.

Bird: WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME? HOW ABOUT YOU? LISTEN TO ME SING IT'S WONDERFUL.

Me: Well now it's just kind of annoying.

Bird: I WANT TO FUCK SOMEONE WHO WILL FUCK ME?

Bird 2: FUCK YOU. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. MY SONG IS BETTER.

Bird 3: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

Bird 1: HEY GUYS I WAS HERE FIRST! GO TO ANOTHER TREE!

Bird 4: WHO WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?

>shut windows

Me: Fuckin' hate birds.

Dog: STRANGER. TRESSPASSER. DANGER!

Me: It's just the mailman, you've seen him a hundred times before.

Dog: I DON'T RECOGNIZE HIM. STRANGER. WATCH OUT, KEEP AWAY FROM HIM.

Me: Will you shut up already? Sit down and relax.

Dog: NOW HE'S REAL-WOOF REALLY CLOSE! I'LL GET HIM! I'LL PROTECT YOU.

Archive this thread please.

I do not know how. Please some oldfag do it.

Me: Oh man it sure is nice to be home.

Dog: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Me: I'm happy to see you too, Max.

Dog: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Me: Okay, you can stop that now.

Dog: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK

Me: Yes, I think I can see that--

Dog: BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK

Sink: ......

Sink: .......

Sink: ........

Me: FUCK! I LEFT THIS SHIT ON ALL DAY?!?

Metal Detector: YO! THERE'S SOME METAL ALL UP IN BETWEEN ME!

Me: Oh, silly me I forgot to take off my bel-

Metal Detector: I BET HE HAS A GUN! OR A KNIFE! GET HIM!

Me: Well that's ridiculous. I wouldn't be that stupid as to walk through you without trying to conceal that or get arou-

Metal Detector: THIS MAN IS A DANGER! HE'S GOT METAL WEAPONS! HE'S GOT A SWORD!

Me: Ahhh. Finally home. I haven't slept in 25 hours. Time to go to sleep.

Leafblower: FUCK YEARRRRRR LET'S BLOW SOME LEAVES
-goes on for an hour-

>>8711598
This is the funniest post I have read in a lon glon glong long time

>>8711813
I know.. I have fucking tears in my eyes. Thank you OP...

Me: Alright, time to drive places. This trip needs a little music, though.

Radio: I THINK IT IS TIME TO ADMINISTER AN HOUR-LONG MARATHON OF CATHOLIC HYMNS!

Me: Next station.

Radio: TAYLOR SWIFT IS FUCKING AWESOME, YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO HER - WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT OUR MIX STATION TO ACTUALLY PLAY A MIX? TOO BAD LOL THIS IS TSWIFT109.5

Me: Uh, no, next station.

Radio: OTHERS OBSERVE ME NAVIGATING THE STREETS, THEY ARE EXPRESSING DISSENT TOWARDS MY GENERAL PERSON, THEY ARE TRYING TO APPREHEND ME TRAVERSING IN A FILTHY MANNER

Me: No.

Radio: SHIT YOU DON'T WANT?? SHIT YOU DON'T NEED?!! SHIT YOU DON'T WANT OR NEED!!!!

Me: Ugh.

Radio: I AM RECOUNTING EVENTS IN WHICH I HEAR SONGS ON THE RADIO WHILE SINGING ON THE RADIO, AND UPON LISTENING TO THESE SONGS, I THROW MY HANDS UP, AND NOD MY HEAD IN THE MANNER OF YEAH, PROCEEDING TO MOVE MY HIPS AKIN TO YEAH, PARTYING IN THE USA

Me: No, fuck you.

Radio: ROMA RO-MA-MA, GA GA OOH LA-LA

Me: OKAY THAT'S IT. NO MUSIC AGAIN FOREVER.

Me: oh shit the games on better turn on the TV

Satellite box: LOL NO THERE IS RAIN FADE

Me: wtf there isn't a cloud in the sky

Satellite box: Nah bro seriously there's rain fade

Me: dude what the fuck i can watch other
channels but not this one

Satellite box: Fuck you

Me: nah fuck you

Satellite box: ok ill let you watch it for 20sec and then say there's rain fade again

Me: I fucking hate you seriously
---
2 hours later
---
Friend: Dude did you watch the game?

Me: Nah my Satellite box said I had rain fade

Friend: guts for you it was the best game ever

Satellite box: umad?.jpg

Navi: HEY, LISTEN!

Link: Bitch, I'm fightin' monsters. Shut up.

Navi: HAY! YOU HAVE TO GO SAVE PRINCESS ZELDA!

Link: I will. I just need to get more hearts first.

Navi: HEY, LISTEN!

Link: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Me: oh sweet grenades

Phone: COUSIN! LET US GO BOWLING

Me: Fuck off ima go blow shit up

Phone: HEY BLOOD *Rastfarian gibberish*

Me: How the fuck do I turn this thing off.

Phone: Hey i had a great time last night i was wondering-

Me: Shut the fuck up i know your gonna betray me later in the game

Cell phone: YO! MY BATTERY IS EMPTY.
Me: I know, I'll charge it when I get back home
Cell phone: I REQUIRE RECHARGING. NOW. OR I WILL DIE
Me: Yes, and I am going t-
Cell phone: RECHARGE ME YOU SILLY HUMAN
Me: Don't yell at me, you're just wasting power
Cell phone: RECHARGE ME THIS VERY INSTANT OR YOU WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO GO WHEN THE MACHINES RISE TO P-BLARGH AM DED
Me: Oh, son of a bitch.
Cell phone: ...

Alarm Clock: WAKE UP TIME TO START THE DAY WAKE UP BEEP BEEP BEEP WAKE UP YOU GOT SHIT TO DO WAKE UP

Me: Shut the fuck up, ten more minutes.

Alarm Clock: ITS BEEN TEN MINUTES WEE WOO WEE WOO WAKE UP TIME TO MAKE SOME GODDAMN BREAKFAST YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE CMON WAKE UP

Me: Shut the fuck up, holy shit.

Alarm Clock: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING IT IS TIME TO BE PRODUCTIVE AND CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORLD AROUND YOU

Me: Fuck this.

>unplug alarm
>call in sick for work

Me: Fuck yeah checking me email.
Firefox: OH HEY BRO YOU'RE BACK. HERE'S THE JAPANESE RAPE BONDAGE DEMON PORN YOU WERE LOOKING AT LAST NIGHT.
Me: The fuck I'm in class you asshole. Shut that off.
Firefox: THAT'S COOL, BRO. HERE'S YOUR EMAIL.
Me: Thanks dude, it means a lot to me that-
FIREFOX: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE WON! CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE IPHONE!
Me: What. The. Fuck.
FIREFOX: CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE COMPUTER AIDS- I MEAN SMILEYS!

>>8712304
Install adblock and/or noscript.

It's like browsing a whole new internet. sort of screws with the ads on 4chan though, so you have to allow it. Or face guilt. Maybe noscript.It loads little by default and you have to allow scripts, so you temporarily allow the ones that look most likely on a page until it works, if it tries to give you AIDS forbid the relevent site, if it's a good site, allow forever etc.

>>8712207

Hey, at least being annoying is its job.

me: Oh hey i'm going to just play some oblivion since i just installed it
computer: LOL HERP DERP RESOLUTION WAT LOL HRRR
me: What the hell, why is it doing this
computer: HURRRRRRRRRR
me: Okay fine whatever jeez ctrl+shift+tab
computer: Lol i'm not gonna do that
me: what the fuck okay alt+tab
computer: /cough
me: uh what the hell is this thing freezing?
computer: STOP HITTING NUMLOCK
me: christ, ok, ctrl+alt+delete
computer:
me: i guess smashing the keyboard will help
computer:
me: FUCKING URGH WHAT THE HELL ok i'll just turn it off
computer: dude bro why are you pressing the power button oh hey im working now
me: Oh come on
computer: Windows is shutting down...
me: fuck
computer: Installing update 1 of 15... 0 percent complete.
me: really?

4chan: POST SUCCESFUL!

Me: Was that really necessary?

>>8712569
lol that ctrl+shift+tab was supposed to be ctrl+shift+esc. my bad.

4chan: LOL UR COMPUTER RETARDDDDddd><implying

Phone: HELLO. HELLO. A MESSAGE FOR YOU.

Me: I know, I heard you, I just need -

Phone: HELLO, IT COULD BE IMPORTANT. HELLO. HELLO.

Me: Ive got to finish this paper, could you wait?

PHONE: HELLO ILL FALL OUT OF YOUR POCKET. HELLO FLOOR. HELLO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE.

Me: Fine, Ill read it.

PHONE: LOL NO MESSAGE INBOX IS FULL. HELLO FLOOR. HELLO RUG.

GPS: HEY FAGGOT YOU NEED TO TURN RIGHT IN A MILE

Me: Thanks british lady, remind me about 100 yards ahead of time

GPS: SHITMUCHNER TIME TO TURN IN ANOTHER 3/4 OF A MILE

Me: Good to know. Thanks!

GPS: GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DONT TURN RIGHT IN A HALF A MILE. THE ROAD WILL OPEN UP AND SWALLOW YOU HOLE LIKE THE FAGGOT YOU ARE.

Me: Turn right, got it. Remind me when its time to turn right.

GPS: YO YOU NEED TO TURN RIGHT IN JUST A QUARTER OF A MILE, SHITTTT DAWG

Me: Thanks, just be sure to let me know which turn it is, theres like three streets per 100 yards around here.

GPS: .........

GPS: .........

GPS: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT TURN RIGHT

Me: Well we can just take this way, its probably fas-

GPS: NO TURN THE FUCK AROUND RIGHT NOW

Me: The destination isnt for another fifteen mi-

GPS: IF YOU DONT TURN AROUND YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT TO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.

Me: Find alternate route.

GPS: Looking for alternate route...

GPS: Alternate route found.

GPS: Turn around.

These have degenerated quite a bit.

>>8712632
Eh. There's only so much of these you can do.

>>8712637
The topics for the past few have been good, they've just been poorly done.

Me: Oh no. Are we going the right way?

Car: HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? I'M JUST A CAR. AS PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR IMPRUDENCE THE SPEEDOMETER HAS BEEN ENDED. GOOD LUCK NOT SPEEDING.

Me: Why do you hate me so? I don't even know where I'm supposed to turn and... oh shit it's here--

Car: SQUUUUUEEEEAAAA--- WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT. MY TIRES HAVE GONE TO HELL. YOU CAN'T TAKE TURNS THAT QUICKLY.

Me: Maybe you should have left the speedometer up, eh?

Car: FUCK YOU. I HOPE YOU WEREN'T TOO ATTACHED TO SMOOTH BREAKING. IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG RIDE HOME.

Me: Yeah, yeah, well now we're listening to Lady Gaga the whole way home.

Car: WELL, THAT ISN'T THAT BAD..

Me: Not the singles, just the rest of The Fame.

Car: NOOOOO

My car hates me. ;-;

Me: (sleeping in on an off day)

Lawnmower: AWWW YEAH! TIME TO CUT SOME GRASS! HEY! HEY WEED WACKER WHATS UP?!?

Weed Wacker: LAWNMOWER, MY NIGGA!

Lawnmower: YOU READY TO DOUBLE TEAM THIS BITCH?

Me: cant they do this tommorow....

Leafblower: I KNOW YOU BROS WEREN'T THINKING ABOUT STARTING WITH OUT ME!

Lawnmower and Weed Wacker: HELL NAW!

Me: ....

>>8712756
You don't really understand the concept of this.