I go to a catholic church with my girl too. Only I fucking rage at her when she forces me to go. I've fucked her in every hole yet she thinks she is still a strictly religious person.

I've only ever been to church once in my life and it was a catholic church. The guy talked for a long time and then they sang some songs. Pretty boring.

>>8709708
I've been to both Christian and Catholic churches and so far here are my thoughts

Christian Church
>like OP said, lots of touching and prayer
>long as fuck like 3 hours
>more than once a week

Catholic
>Follows strict format: Song, Priest talks, Recite prayers, Song, Eucharist, Leave
>1 hour ALWAYS

Catholicism is Christianity

What "Christian" church? Born-Again?

>>8709833
Agnostic
>nothing

I win

Its just different denominations of Christianity. I read that God wants us to love eachother and that we should humble ourselves before him. Who cares how long church lasts or that we have to touch other people?

all humans must sacrifice their Sundays to please the mighty sky wizard!!!

Say that tonight when you go to sleep, I hope it makes you feel better.

>>8709880
yes. OP probably means protestant.

catholic mass has better readings, better music etc.
it's probably not as hip though

Jesus wasn't a magician.
He was just a groovy gentleman who tried to tell us that our bodies are temporary.

Do you mean Protestant, or whatever, OP?
Because this >>8709880

>>8709880
This...

...they're all just denominations of Christianity...

You guys know Catholicism is a form of Christianity, right? It's the originator of Christianity, actually.

>>8709833
3 hours? More than once a week? Thank god my parents were cathylicks, shit.

And protestants say catholics are full of shit...

Pentecostal Protestant here, church is an hour and a half long, no touching (but a few minutes of shaking hands and greeting people), and no cheesy prayers for others unless someone in the congregation is on their death bed or something.

>>8712471

They are, small-town Irish Catholics are the most annoying human beings alive. I should know, I descend from a long line of them.

I'd be a Protestant any day.

>Implying catholic is not christian.

The word you're looking for is protestant.
And yes, American protestants are some of the stupidest people on earth. The American evangelical community has the most shallow understanding of religion I have ever seen. Not to mention all of the leading figures are very visibly profiting off of it, which in itself is opposed to the bible and everything Christ supposedly stood for. But you can't mention this, because Jesus was an America loving capitalist who voted republican.

I am not going to say catholic mass is some sort of beautiful, amazing thing. It isn't, the music sucks and everybody in the audience is a bunch of guilt ridden Italians. But seriously, I've heard far more intelligent and insightful things come out of the mouths of priests then any of those televangelists.

On sundays, I have anal sex with the girlfriend. Out on the deck. On top of a bible. We chant "HAIL SATAN".

Don't feel too special, though, because we also pour bacon grease onto a picture of Mohammad, regularly. Then have anal sex again.

Hey OP just letting you know that Catholicism is a kind of Christianity.

I don't want to get into it but the Catholic religion is not the true religion they have changed so much of the bible and are wrong everyone should know that the true Sabbath is Saturday.

lol protestants

Catholics are christians you dumb fucker

>>8712509
>the only people who go to catholic church are italians
you must live around a lot of catholic italians, cause that's not nearly the story around where I live.

Protestants aren't that bad. Personally, I'm Methodist, and we don't do that 3-hour-long-convulsions-speaking-in-tongues shit. A couple songs, a sermon, offering, done. Only one hour. Your girlfriend probably took you to some crazy offbrand church.

Besides, I went to Catholic mass once. The incense from the priests swingy thing made me sick and I got tired of going up-down-up-down.

Black church is where it's at, though. Go to some.

Protip: Most religious ceremonies are boring

>>8712517
There is no true religion but love of god and others, my good man. It all comes down to that. Words don't matter, it's the meaning.

>be a Baptist
>have 1-2 hour services, but get free food whenever ANYTHING happens
>funeral, food
>wedding, food
>someone coughs, food
>feels full man

I was raised Church of Christ and went to a church like in OP's post once. Shit was not cool.

>>8712509
>implying all protestants are full of shit

It's the Baptists that are completely full of shit, particularly the Southern Baptists. Every time I hear one of them talk about God and Christianity, I want to punch them in their hypocritical egotistic head.

Goddammit, why must I fucking live in Texas?!

Catholicbro here. Yeah, the up-and-down thing gets a little old after a while, but if you can find the right Catholic church in your area, you don't have to deal with the incense and oldtimeyness as much.

That said, I do love me some black churches. Shit's fun, everyone should do it at least once.

>3 hours
wtf 3 hours? mines 45 minutes

Atheist
>nothing

i win with my agnostic ball-less bro

>>8712537
I will give you this, black churches are fun as hell.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-hhaNxnSmA

fuck religion get tits

titititititits


tinychat.tv/fappery
tinychat.tv/fappery
tinychat.tv/fappery
tinychat.tv/fappery
tinychat.tv/fappery
tinychat.tv/fappery

Any denomination has something retarded. Catholics molest kids, Jehovahs are stupid, Baptists are morons and Protestants are scum on earth. Only Jesuits are normal.

>>8709599
Where the fuck do you live?

I've been to both Catholic/Protestant (ECLA) services and here the ECLA ones are 45 minutes tops, the catholic ones are usually several hours.

>my face when religious people on 4chan

>>8712630
>my face when angry emo atheist

My Christian friend took me to a Christian youth group night. It's like a separate think to a church service but its still Jesus orientated. The idea was cool but the execution was...scary. I've never been hugged by so many complete strangers. Also they all kind of seemed fake happy. it was how i imagined a Jonas brothers concert to be. I'm taking him to the Eid festival at the end of Ramadhan. Which is just us eating and playing soccer. Much less scary.

>>8712517

You are fucking stupid.

Also, i'm guessing...7th-day Baptist?....Mormon?

>>8712642

>my face when inbred religious monkey picks on atheist

ITT: People don't realise that every denomination has a contingent of whackjobs.

>>8712657
Fuck that shit. Our youth group started a fight club. We basically go to youth group, stay after, then beat the shit out of each other. Feels good, man.

>>8712657
Yeah, I agree with you there. I don't know why, but we Christfags can't seem to act natural and relaxed. I don't get it.

Quakers: doinitrite.

>>8712682
yeah even Jesus lost his cool lol
It's near on impossible to anger them though

>>8712657
>Eid

They were secretly trying to convert you from your heathenish, violent, "faith".

Now you know.

>>8712533
I'm in NY. Guidos as far as the eye can see. A small scattering of Irish people also.
The Hispanics go somewhere else, though.

I used to go to a protestant church, and I found the messages so much more meaningful than the empty scriptural readings at catholic mass. Also, I've noticed catholics can be self righteous pricks at times

also, this was a troll thread, but we turned it into something substantial. I'm proud of you guys.

Here's my limited experience from going to weddings.

Christian: service lasts maybe an hour.
Catholic: Service lasts three fucking hours, priest drones on about fidelity for 45 minutes, sit stand sit kneel stand sit stand kneel sit stand sit amen amen stand amen kneel amen sit.

went to one of those megachurches once. they had everything in it. some jamba juice like place, legit day care, stores, shops, super huge tv, comfy pews, huge band. it was like that one simpsons episode where burns buys the church but even more ridiculous. i didn't think it was possible.

>>8712579
It's American evangelicals in general, not just baptists. The entire protestant sector of American society has been politicized, for one. And when it's not being exploited for votes it's being exploited for money. And when it's not being exploited for money it's just being stupid.

At least if I go to mass nobody pressures me into buying stupid shit. Did you ever watch a televangelist?
"I have seen the lord! He's in this DVD, only 9.95!"

when you see it, you'll convert immediately

>>8712711
Jesus was chill, man. He'd just hang out and eat fish, maybe saying some things once in awhile.

>>8712748
You should have gone batshit insane, pushing all sorts of things all over the floor yelling, "Take these things away! My Father's house shall be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves."

>>8712747
Really? For me, for regular Sunday services, it's been the exact opposite. Catholic masses take one hour, ninety minutes tops. Everything is very structured so you know exactly what's left until it's over, which is nice. Christian masses are different in every church, though, and some places do a lot of really weird things. They stay there for hours and you're never sure if you're supposed to be sitting or standing or what's polite...

>>8712775
>catholics
>I HAVE SEEN THE LORD
>HE'S IN THIS BOX OF SALTINES AND THIS WINE BOTTLE

I've always hated church, even when I was catholic. It's just a boring and annoying waste of time. Why can't you just love god or whatever you want to do in the comfort of your home?

Oh wait, I forgot, the priest/pastor needs to buy a new car with the money of the dumbfucks who think god needs 10% of your salary every month.

>>8712793
not even saltines, they forgot the salt

>>8712792
Yes, really. Maybe it's just the catholics in my area, but they really like to go on. My gf's father just converted and he's goddamn intolerable.

O HI CATHOLIC PRIEST HERE.

OPEN UP YOUR BOY POOPER FOR ME
NOM NOM NOM NOM

I only go to Mass on Easter and Christmas and sometimes just random days, just because I can't stand the incense. Usually have to go outside to breathe some fresh air.

>>8712747
dude, i used to be protestant and am now catholic and i dont know what the fuck you are talking about

NO catholic service is over 1 hour unless its christmas or easter

protestant services are usually 1.5 hours but can go longer....

>>8712793
Yeah, but the crackers and booze are free.

>>8712779
>Implying the Jews want us
Say what you will about the Jews, they have one positive trait. They don't go around knocking on peoples doors. They don't want any gentiles fucking up their shit.

>>8712610

TRUTH.

Jesuit priests are the most well-adjusted religious people I've ever met. The ones in the west coast go to south america and protest against shit like a fucking hippie because they actually care and many will admit the bible is just allegories.

>>8712837
>NO catholic service is over an hour long
This wedding was exactly three hours and 28 minutes from the time the priest first spoke to the bride and groom until the time they walked out.

>>8712880 oh jesus
>wedding

Those things are going to be long. It's a fucking wedding.

This crazy bastard is the only genuine Christian alive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGWMps3n9ak

Gnosticfag here.

Churches are heretical.
John the Baptist was doing it right.

LOLRELIGION
LOLRELIGIONBLOX

>>8712610
>implying Jesuits aren't Catholics

>>8712880
Most weddings I've been to don't last more then an hour. Maybe an hour and a half, tops.
The priest usually says his piece then moves on. Actual ceremony lasts maybe 20 minutes.

>>8712897
I've been to non denominational christian weddings that lasted an hour. Maybe an hour and a half on the outside.

I explicitly told my gf that I don't care what religion she converts to, or when, but we are NOT having a catholic service, simply because I want to get to the fun part of the wedding before I fall asleep.

yall niggers posting in a troll thread

niggablox

>>8712925
>Misunderstands that Jesuits are independent of most of the Catholic Church's hierarchies. Also does not know that Jesuits in America are punk rock rebels.

>>8712942
Man, I have never been to a wedding ceremony that lasted over an hour. Nobody wants to sit in that place. Hell, the priest doesn't even want to do this shit. We all just want to go eat as much food as possible.

>>8712962
I'm just dealing from my experience. It's not like it's any less valid a wedding.

If the christian minister goes over an hour and a half, I'll just cough or nudge him or something to speed him along.

They were founded by a bad-ass mofo who survived cannon ball shrapnel.

This cannot be a coincidence

jesus fucking christ

EVERYONE OUT OF THIS THREAD NOW.

>>8713074

What, do you think this is /b/? You want a "you raff you ruse" thread instead or something?

I haven't been to church since I was 16 and got my driver's license. It always sucked to go with my parents, and being agnostic didn't help. The preists sounded like pompous fucking idiots, the people were stuck up cunts, and it was boring as fuck and a waste of 3 hours on my weekends. Fuck god.