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04/03/10(Sat)20:59:06 No.8207923Asexual.
No sex drive, no romantic drive, final destination.
I have a
hard time identifying attractiveness, and if someone points it out to
me, it's more of a "oh, good for them" feeling than anything else. I can
only tell if people are ugly if they're very deformed, but that doesn't
repulse me or keep me from wanting to talk to them. I do pity them a
bit, since they usually look like they're sick.
I've never been
attracted to either gender, and I really, really wish I was genderless. I
was a bit of a late-bloomer, and I loved every extra year of androgyny
with all my heart. Finally hitting puberty made me feel sick inside. I
didn't want to be a girl or a boy. I wanted to be nothing. I resented
the idea that anyone on the street could identify me as male or female,
and spent most of my teenage years hiding my body under huge clothes. My
parents wouldn't let me cut my hair, though.
Now, I'll dress
like a male as readily as I'll dress like a female. Both situations feel
like Halloween, though. I don't really know how to describe it; I don't
hate my body any more, but it definitely doesn't feel like "me." I'm
okay with it, but only because being entirely androgynous would be
impossible. |
