My restaurant has a history of food poisoning (the most recent incident happening not too many months ago)... and yet people still come in and eat regularly.

Maybe not that much of a secret, but I find it funny that people are so dumb.

I enjoy these threads enough to contribute.

I work at a busy high class resturaunt downtown. Almost ever shift the boss takes a few of us waiters into his office to blow lines of either coke, molly, or OC. He then gives us a pep up speech about customer sevice and how to never bother him from 8pm to 9pm when a series of aketchy, rich, nigger individuals come in order Sake then dissappear into his office without paying their tabs.

Overall I like my job

I work in a department store.

If you drop something and it breaks, we don't give a fuck about you paying for it as long as it isn't really expensive. Just don't hide it under any of the stands or displays, makes it hard to tidy up.

I work at ___, I cum in your ___, I don't give a fuck.

I work in a chinese resturaunt. We was the chopsticks over and over again. Fucking gross when you consider how porus wood is...

BTW samefag as>>7428324

>>7428324

>Nigger individuals

>Sake

doesnotcompute.jpg

I work at X

I jizz in your Y

I don't give a fuck.

>>7428309
B-but libertarians say there's no need for regulation because if people heard about a buisness like yours they would go elsewhere!??

i work as a greenskeeper

most of the day i drive around mowers in the sun and chill in nature. i usually only work 6/8 hours, and spend the other two hours wandering around the woods or hiding from my bosses (its 170 acres so its easy to hide)

secrets? a suprising number of people drive ATV's, dirtbikes, and pickup trucks through golf courses late at night. The safe in the clubhouse was also stolen one night. Thieves broke in at like 4:30 AM. I get to work at 5:30 AM

It wouldve been cool to run them over with my car and save the day. probably wouldve gotten my picture in the paper or something. at least a raise maybe

>>7428392

I eat there because I get meals free, and the food is actually pretty good, people just get lazy when it comes to storage or sometimes the fridge doesn't close all the way. The restaurant is almost 30 years old and since it's a sushi place run by cheap Japs they're not going to replace anything until it breaks - even then... our vacuum broke years ago and hasn't been replaced, and one of our neon signs burnt out last year. Still hasn't been fixed.

>>7428368

sounds like a lovely venue

I work at a place that supplies fruit and vegetables to grocery stores. Sometimes if some produce has expired they make us relabel it and send it out.

>>7428375
You see, Niggers when gloated by massive amounts of money and drugs, begin to think of themselves as more than the obviuos. Cavemen kneegrow who give little respect and deserve none.

They then proceed to defile my resturaunt and drink free Sake and text or mess with their iphones. They are probably aremed and definetly dangerous

>>7428375
I was thinking the same thing.

fuck

I hate these threads. They normally start out entertaining, with actual information about what you can get away with at x store/restaurant/etc., but they quickly devolve into "I'm so cool and edgy look at what I do at work when my boss isn't looking" crap.

I hate you all.

>>7428438
Holy shit that post was incomprehensible.

I your cum unemployed. Sucky sucky fuck give.

>>7428466
First of all I can tell you are a hambeast by the style of your complaint.

Next, if you ever want to ea out for free it is too fucking easy. Go to a multi-level, downtown, bistro type place that serves a cultured menu. Attend on a weekend during 6-8PM. Go alone or with one other person.

Eat, answer phone, walk outside because you are corteuos, then leave the place to never return.

It really is that easy. Ive been dined and dashed over ten times and even if we do see you leave we do not confront you as it is unprofessional. It is considered part of the business and we make finanacial allowance for such events.

I work for a software company and I had the chance to see backdoors on a couple of softwares while doing some debugging.
The problem is that those softwares move money. I think someone is going to get rich and disappear in a couple of years.
Luckily I didn't have to save any change to those files so it's like I've never seen any of that when they will start investigating.

i work in the post office. we're generally pretty honest, but sometimes im talking out my ass concerning stamps and when post is due, i just dont want you to stand around too long and hold up the line.

also if you fuck up on counting your lottery winnings i will occasionally pocket them if i want a big lunch

>>7428543
That also gives me the chance to blackmail the bastard

I worked at a hospital delivering food to patients. My official job title was "hostess" because I was the only male to occupy such a position. My coworkers were all female, and mostly dumb whores.

Anyways, this hospital ran a "room-service dining" kind of deal, where you can just call up and order whatever the dick you want between 7AM and 7PM. Allowing 45 minutes, your food is hand delivered by yours truly. I even got to wear a tuxedo shirt and bowtie, albeit with a black apron.

Anyways, if you eat as a patient in a hospital or eat in the cafeteria as a visitor, DON'T USE THE FUCKING SILVERWARE. Part of my job was to roll this shit up in napkins. At the hospital, we use a giant commercial conveyor-belt type dishwasher which is common in most commercial kitchens. The silverware is all sent through on racks, separated by type. The problem with this is that two spoons can get stuck together (in the spoons position) if one or both of them are covered in a thick soup or something.

Normally, this isn't that big a deal if you're eating at a restaurant. Unfortunately, this is a hospital. The chances of the person that used the silverware before you has a significantly high chance of being infected with hepatitis, MRSA, etc.

Feels bad man.

Theater food has probably has boogers, blood and dust from fans all over it.

>>7428536
You've obviously never worked in a Greek diner. My boss used to take license plates of people he suspected MIGHT try something like this.

Fucking Greeks.

I hate it when I have to sit near black people in a Chinese restaurant.

They *always* make "ching chong ching chong" noises and speak loudly and slowly to the waiter because they think he can't understand English, when in fact they ordered fried chicken and it isn't even on the menu.

And they order fries with everything... it's Chinese ffs, order Chinese food!

>>7428567

Could they even pursue this?

if you have a complaint in a hotel, go to the manager, if he doesn't get stuff done go to the owner (if they are not the same person).

Seriously, the people in a hotel dont give a shit about you, they just dont want to lose their jobs.

>>7428594
And they ordered Sprite, yes?

I work at Target as a cashier.
I like my job.

People sometimes bring in fake coupons. If it's within reason I usually don't give a fuck. If you come in with a fake coupon for 1 $2.00 item and it's less than a dollar off I won't stop you.

If you make a purchase for a decent amount and only use one, two, or even three fake coupons I won't stop you.

If you come in and take the piss and have a fake coupon for every third item or some bull like that I will stop you, and I will harass you and I will not accept/scan any of your coupons. I will call over the APS, and you will be escorted from Target. I am looked on in a negative light if too many fake coupons go through my register.

TL:DR - You can use fake coupons at Target as long as you don't have an unreasonable amount of them.

Also... if you make a purchase larger than $150 at Target (Xbox... TV... whatever) and you're asked to apply for a Redcard. do it. You save ten percent off of your purchase, then, if you get accepted, it will come in the mail, if you do not activate it within 8 days it will be cancelled. No fees. No interest. No nothing.

A couple days ago a couple bought a Wii and new TV and saved $88 dollars by asking me to press a button and wasting an extra 5 minutes of their time.

>>7428594

Ha! You should see brooklyn. They have fried chicken, fries, etc. at the Chinese places.

I work at starbucks, and your caramel machiato is actually made with vanilla. Go figure....

PS: if you want an ice latte, juste order a dopio expresso over ice, then fill it with milk yourself at the stand. BAM you just saved 3$

I used to work at Jiffy Lube. Everyone there, bosses included, smoked weed everyday down in the pit.

Oh I thought you meant like personal workplace secrets.

As in my own example, at my office, I sometimes take 15 minute naps in the bathroom. I set my phone alarm to vibrate so that I wake up right on time. I use one of the extra rolls of toilet paper as a pillow and lay my head against the wall. I have that prank fart spray just in case someone goes in after me, so they think I really was shitting. I do this usually twice a day.

I used to work at Blockbuster. You want to steal DVDs? Bring an exacto knife and cut the box at the spine, take the DVD. Just do it where no one is looking, then put the case back on the shelf. Don't be sketchy. Only take one thing at a time.

Superstore: there's only one or two security guys on at any given time. If it's a big store, just do this: find something you want, and walk out the door with it. Don't bother hiding it or anything. It helps to browse the stuff behind the cash registers close to the door, then just walk out.

Earls: I work at Earls. I jizz in your fries when you order poutine. I don't give a fuck.

I work at Sobeys.
It's incredibly easy to steal from us. The aisles don't have cameras, the washroom has no cameras around it, and the back has no cameras. I steal every single shift and I've been there for two years.
We also will give you a discount/free item if you complain. Always.
Ask for samples. We have samples for at least one thing in every department except for produce. People don't know so they don't ask and employees eat them all.
We have mice, birds, raccoons, and squirrels in the stores. We don't mind them.

Paramedic.

We have certain freedoms in the things we do, mostly because noone will ever find out. For example if you try to puke, spit or bleed on us simply because you are an asshole we will make your ride to the hospital a living hell. All of a sudden there will be an indication to inject you stuff that'll make you piss yourself in a matter of seconds.
In most hospitals, you can walk around freely when in uniform. You can do shit and steal stuff as you please if noone is looking.
Most of us are lazy bastards who'd rather drink another coffee with some nurses than rush to your emergency unless shit sounds serious.

>>7429020

Why would anyone try to bleed on you??

work as an engineer. all you do all day is write engineering documents.

>>7429034
I have really no idea. Some people seem to think it's funny or something. It actually happens from time to time.

>>7429070

I hope you don't do this to those people who accidentally bleed on you... :|

>>7428853

I like that you're open 24 hours

>>7429091
Nah, that would be plain evil.
Besides it's not easy to bleed on me unintentionally since I am trained to avoid your body liquids. Unless there's a fountain on blood or something, but thats really rare.

i work at proactiv
i cum in your soap
i don't give a fuck

>>7429131

Dude, share more EMT/paramedic stories. How do you train to avoid body liquids? I can see why they would make you learn it, but what other sort of nifty things did you learn?

I work at Tesco. I never see my manager and I think she forgot I work here so I come in a 6pm, clock in, drive home, come back in 5 hours and clock out. I get paid at the end of the day and everything is sweet.

I've been doing this for the past 5 months.

>>7428748

most of my friends smoke weed everyday at their jobs. I dont, maybe once or twice a month. I do manual labor so it makes me tired but if im bored and have nothing to do ill toke up and chill

Maybe it's the Black Knight.

>>7429181
Meant to direct the Black Knight post to >>7429034

i work at codan, i cum in your website, i don't give a fuck.

I used to work at Brooks Brothers, selling suits and shit. They have a policy of not having any security tags on anything, most shops don't even have camera's, and they have a strict no chase policy. They do this so that it creates a trusting environment with clients, but what it really does is make shit reallllyyy easy to steal.

Walk in to Brooks Brothers and walk out with a $400 sweater, dooo eeetttt

at Lowe's the Loss Prevention is really about safety not about making sure shit doesn't get stolen.

the policy to prevent stealing is customer service the shit out o hte guys shoving drills in their pants.

basically, take what you want and walk out.

I work at a bakery, you may think that we are clean and use gloves to touch your food.
We only do when people are in the store.
Chances are we have touched every piece of food out with our bare hands.

>>7429157
I'm tired today, but if you want I'll make an ask me anything thread tomorrow.
It's mostly common sense, but you learn what kind of fluids are especially contagious, and where you might encounter said liquids when you are not expecting it.
Official training is what you would expect: How to get people to hospital alive, the laws etc. Then there is the stuff you'll learn from more experienced colleagues. Some of it is useful, some of it is random funny/interesting stuff.

>>7429258

If you're on around this time tomorrow, that'd be awesome. I get off work a little before now. It'd be cool to read. :D

>>7429258
herp?

herpblox

>>7429267
Probably a few hours earlier, I've got the short shift tomorrow. Thank god.
>>7429277
?

>>7429299
I have talked an EMT who frequents r9k by the name of herp sometimes.

All catering jobs I've worked at reuse all the parmesan cheese left behind events.

So the next time you receive shitty food/service at some dining hall just mix w/e white powdery substance into the parmesan bowls instead of no tip.

>>7429308
No that's not me. Though I've made a ask me anything thread months ago. But I've only used OP or something as name.

i used to work at an airport as an aircraft fueler.

everybody is on drugs, including the supervisor
there is almost no security on the ramp
the tsa is a joke

it was a pretty fun/easy job.

>>7428567

>lol everyone parks directly in front of the restaurant so their tags can be easily seen

No.

Superstore fag here.

1. Its not really a secret but if you say "hey how are you" in a nice manner and then just make small chat we wont charge you for bags.(Atleast thats what I do)

2. Always know if youre buying in bulk or not. A small head of lettuce is still going to cost you the same as a big one.

3.Superstore has no real security so you can shop lift all you wont just make sure no one sees you

I work at Durex.
I cum in your condoms.
I don't give a fuck.

I'm unemployed.

Each time I see or hear the words "Get a job" I immediately cease my job-search and do not continue it until at least a week from then.

People who say things like "Get a job" will become even more mad, and I get to relax and take it easy a while longer.

DUR GET A JURB. Because we can all snap our fingers and magically, instantly acquire employment.

>>7429387

I fucking hate Superstone for charging you for bags and not bagging up your shit. It's not worth paying $10 less in groceries to get shitty ass service. Safeway is much better.

>>7429371

Kinda related: As an Air Cadet in UK, I spent a week at RAF Brize Norton (biggest military airbase in Europe). I was in the Air Traffic Control coffee room with an NCO who was talking on the phone to a friend about all the drugs they were gonna do that weekend. Sat right next to him was a senior officer (a Group Capt. or something) who didn't bat an eyelid as a long list of drugs were ordered on the phone.

>>7429391
in = fail
on = win

>>7429400
Its your own fault for asking for a bag when you just have a snickers bar

I eat like a pound of french fries a day at my work, its all I ever eat, but they're fucking refried in peanut oil with some wicked seasoning salt.

Shit is so cash.

>>7429400
>>7429387

Wait...there are groceries that charge for bags? LOL where is this? If you tried that here you'd be out of business in a month.

>>7428706

Yeah I'm from BK and I was bewildered by the guy saying that Chinese places don't have fries and fried chicken.... whats dope about the fried chicken from these spots is you get ill hot sauce with it.... fuck yes marijuana + fries and fried chicken covered in hot sauce + egg roll + cola + malt liquor and a fortune cookie = zen

>>7429408
yeah. the MOD is probably the one on the most drugs out of anybody, since he is at the least risk of hitting a plane and getting drug tested. also, his job is boring as fuck, so what else is he going to do?

another thing about the airport is most of the employees are stupid as fuck. the guy fueling your plane is someone you wouldn't even trust bagging your groceries.

Dollar store in Riverside CA.

The manager fucks an underage employee.
She's probably done it with previous employees.
All of us know.

>>7429441

It's so people are forced to use re-usable bags instead.

environment e.t.c

>>7428777

i do this too, minus the fart spray. Thats just comical

>>7429503
No it's because Superstore are cheap assfucks. They charge 5 cents a fucking bag! ROBBERY

I work at a grocery store

If there is a selfcheckout, you can just pretend to swipe items for the camera

If they do (somehow) see you, say you thought u got it

It's better than those stupid niggers who just blatantly walk out trying to look cool without ever passing a checkout lane

I do it at my work all the time, there is never anyone stationed to watch the tv all day unless there was a major crime

This is a good call. I place I worked at would call me lazy when I expressed gratitude that a workday was only 11 hours long. I wasn't allowed to use my sick days when I was sick and everyone exchanged flu virus mutations over and over so people were always sick and overworked.

They laid me off 2 hours after workers comp was resolved.

>>7429543

Usually the self checkouts have someone watching them. and if your hand passes over the machine without it scanning or if it detects weight on the table it will say WTF scan that shit and the person watching the computer knows.

>>7428853
Kinda related

Circle K fag here.
It's ridiculously easy to steal from here.
Two of our cameras don't work and no one checks them anyway.
This is probably a given but NEVER eat anything that was made or packaged by us.

Onion rings, fries, deep fried fish on the floor? Just throw it back into the deep fryer for another minute.

i work at a wendys. for the most part it's ok but i've pissed or shit with the gloves i was wearing on, went back into the back room, and started making sandwiches lol. i think i jerked off once and did that too

I work at ball state university. In the off chance there is another cardinal in here i will post. To every one else, fuck off and dont waste your time.

90% of the doors in the university are 6-16 locks. That means if you can get your hands on one you can go virtually anywhere on campus with impunity. If someone sees you they will just assume that since you have the key, your supposed to be there.

This key isn't terribly hard to get a hold off. Every janitor or maintenance person has one. And should you gain access to it you can sneak into the tunnel system below campus and become the next tunnel rapist. Or get free stuff. Or potentially change your grade if your daring enough.

>>7429387
>>7429387
>>7429387
Your store maybe. We had this beastman who was constantly gunning it out of loss prevention. If you're a skinny white kid he'd drop your ass to the ground. Hilarious every time. The door is so far away from anyone who's actually watching so it is usually easy to steal.. except our FEM watched the door like a hawk and gutted anyone who didn't have a recipt. Oh, and you don't fucking come back if you've been caught by her before. I wouldn't put it past her to rape someone with a spiked metal dildo

dominos uk fag here

health standards etc is a joke here, the store supervisor regularly blows his nose on his apron then goes right back to cutting/making pizza, those boxes your pizzas come in? Yeah, they get made by the drivers normally, the drivers who never have to wash their hands and spend the entire shift taking money, opening doors etc.

after 7 YEARS of the store operating we've finally got the basics (alcohol based disinfectant, sinks at the make line etc) but it's still got a long way to go, and this is one of the higher standard domino's in the uk

ITT: the food service industry is disgusting, but no one actually gives a shit.

Having worked in the industry myself, I do find it hilarious to read all these things because I've done them too.

I work at a bank.

Secret #1 is the most disappointing of all. At any given time, even in our main vault, we usually only have about $100k-$300k of cash. Also, the main cash vault is the size of a mini fridge. No rolling around in giant rooms stuffed with piles of cash, alas.

Stop being so damn scared of large bills. 90% of counterfeits are small bills- 10s or 20s usually, though I've seen 5s and 1s (lolwut). Also those stupid counterfeit identifying pens don't work. Most of the counterfeits we get are marked up with those and have come up as real. Don't try to pass your counterfeits at a bank. I handle $100k worth of cash all told on a busy day- you think I'm not going to notice when something is weird? And yes, we have to take it away, so shut up.

The feds make you report any cash transaction over $10k. Yeah, we're not supposed to tell people that. But if you are trying to structure deposits/withdrawals to make it look like you're not laundering money, don't do it in amounts just under the reporting limit. We will notice and we do have avenues to report suspicious activity.

Working at a bank is way more boring than you might think, actually. Mostly they watch us so close that we can't get away with anything.

Oh, and I have to prove my cash box down to the cent at the end of the day, so take your fucking change, because it might not matter to you but I can get fired for taking it out of my coin tray. Trufax.

I work in a fancy steakhouse.

We refill the Grey Goose vodka bottles with the cheapest shit we can buy.

>>7429786
My mom has worked in a bank for 20 years, and she's gotten really fucking good at finding counterfeits. Some got passed at her bank and taken by another teller a few months ago, and they even went through the counterfeit machine thing they have, but then my mom got a hold of one and thought it felt weird, and lo and behold, all the serial numbers on the bills were identical.

I'm a bit wary to work at a bank, handling peoples' money would make me nervous.

>>7429813
And keep the good stuff for yourselves I assume?

>>7429786

So let's say, hypothetically, I had a small stream of revenue from less than legitimate enterprises. If I were to make small, regular deposits (let's say, $1500, once a week), would that raise suspicion? What would be the most likely explanation for that kind of thing to make it seem legit?

I used to work at Home Depot.

I was retarded, and let a guy steal an 800 dollar cast iron bathtub.

I let him and his nigger crew load in in their truck. Then all his credit cards and his check declined. So he said he'd go unload it. Instead he just drove off.

I denied all knowledge of this and blamed it on my direct supervisor, since the camera showed him talking to the customer, he got fired.

I have never told anyone this in person.

We can't see the bottom of the buggy. We really can't. Go during the afterwork rush, be aggressive and in a rush, and don't buy a lot of stuff. We'll get you out of there as fast as fucking possible.

MOVIE THEATER:

No one gives a fuck if you sneak in unless they are a manager or future manager (bitchy looking)

Cleaning theaters = trash under seats

If it looks like a cum stain it probably is

>>7429843
No, the boss drinks the good stuff, and him and his direct asskissers rip off the customers.

I have video of them doing this, if he ever fucks with me too much I'm dropping a couple USB sticks with the videos on it in the local paper's mailbox.

>>7429836

That's awesome. I don't think I'm quite that good at spotting counterfeits. After a while, money means nothing- at the very first, I was nervous, but now I just don't give a fuck.

>>7429859

I think $1500 once a week would be perfectly passable. 99% chance you won't ever have to explain anything to a teller or such, but if you're that worried, just go to different branches each week, they won't remember you after a couple days. Really, we don't give a fuck, we see a lot of large cash deposits- to me it's more suspicious when someone tries to nervously explain away why they're doing what they're doing.

Be more careful about large cash withdrawals. We look way closer at money out.

I work at Kohls, it's actually a really decent place to work.

If you say you have a coupon for something and you don't have it with you, the cashier will generally give the discount to you manually. But, the cashiers also pretty much know when coupons are available.

I really like that the company allows the employees to make decisions. If you find something that you want and it's slightly damaged and want a percentage off, you can pretty much just ask any associate and they'll do it for you.

I work at Subway, and honestly, there are no major secrets. Their standards are really high when it comes to hygiene and food safety, and if you don't comply you get reamed, they're constantly checking and enforcing it. There's nothing going on that would put you off the food in any way. Boring, but there you have it :/

>>7428852
LOL, I used to be the closing coach at an Earls years ago.... How many kids have you seen cry on line?

WTF with all these retail and food related jobs?

Senior developer and project manager here, I make six figures and work on ENTERPRISE applications.

I don't have any stupid job secret because I'm not a complete fucktard.

My corporation is paying me $60/hour, 45 hours/week, plus all expenses covered, to go in France talk with other people wearing suits.

Enjoy your shit-tier jobs.

Superstore fag here again

We have 50% discount stickers on our products, you can rip them off and put them on any food item(deli,steakproduce) just no toys ect

>>7429976
I love fiction, don't you?

sdfksdfksk

>>7429395
>Each time I see or hear the words "Get a job" I immediately cease my job-search and do not continue it until at least a week from then.

>People who say things like "Get a job" will become even more mad, and I get to relax and take it easy a while longer.

Wait, you think people get mad at your stupidity?

If anything I get sad, but more I laugh at your lameness.

"Oooh, I'm gonna be useless for another week because someone made me mad, I'll show them".

Inb4 u mad

>>7429976
>I'm in my late thirties at youngest, on an image board populated mostly by early twenties late teens.
>HURR DURR WHY IS MY JOB SO MUCH BETTER

>>7430014
u mad

induring u mad

I am a landscaper/gardener/grounds keeper at a nun convent. They have 64 acres of fields, small trees and shrubs, several creeks, and various buildings. There aren't any customers to deal with, so I basically drive an ATV around all day smoking weed, taking naps in the sun during the summer, chilling on the hammock by the garden, and sometimes I do work. When I have to do things, it's usually fixing fences, gates or walls, or mowing the fields (on a riding mower thank god), or that sort of thing. They give me lunch when I want to eat there, so I get homemade organic food, or go to Burger King down the street.

Cardiac cath tech here (the guys who fix heart attacks).

We may be nice to your face and be respectful and all that, but if you're fat, we hate you. We trash you from the control room. We despise the fact that you smell horrible, and that we actually have to tape your gut back to get access to your smelly groin.

>>7430033
aww, that's adorable.

>>7430025

I'm 27.
fxvxzfcvzdrtgzfg

>>7430050
Move out of america

>>7428368
as long as the chopsticks are lacquered it's fine
otherwise goddamn you cheap bastards

I hide out in boardrooms or places no one goes in the office and take naps.

Also, I browse 4chan on my office computer. Havent gotten fired yet.

Being a salaryman chained to your desk is the worse kind of career there is.

>>7429976
And yet, you still post on 4chan.

Which makes you an even bigger loser than us schleps who come here.

>>7430153
Well, the bonus is all the fatties here in Amerikkka provide plenty of job security.

I'm a waitress at a restaurant in a nursing home (senior in highschool, hence crappy job)
anyway, we have this fat midget hostess lady who's always running around yelling at us. Also all the food really sucks, and all the old people just like to be pissy about everything.

The only good part is stealing prepackaged things out of the dry storage room.

Oh, and we have to wear white button up shirt+tie+black slacks+special non-slip shoes, which make me look like i'm trying to dress up like a guy. I can't wait to get a new job.

>>7429976

And since I can only assume you're a self-centered prick to top it all of, I'm pretty glad that most of the time you're eating someone else's cum, feces, various germs, etc.

The people who serve you will only feel a twinge of remorse if you remember to tip them well.

>>7430242
care to post pics? girls dressed as guys is completely hot.

>>7429930
In a former work secrets thread, a subway fag noted that they routinely use day old and two day old bread for their sammiches. Since learning this, I think there is a some truth to his post.

>>7430289
Only if you post pics of you dressed up like a girl.
also I don't actually look like a guy, just like a girl in ill-fitting guy's clothes.

I work at a beavertails booth in Ottawa.

it's a surprisingly good job. No suspicious shit goes on.

>Robot Overlord
how old are you?

also, saging on those shitty threads would help better than creating another shitty thread.

i work as a pizza delivery driver

more than once i've seen the 19yearold trailer trash midget semi-gypsy girl who makes the dough just pause at random to scratch her cunt. she never wears any gloves.


you can probably get free stuff if you lie and say you got a wrong order, the owner usually gives you a free desert along with your 'right' order if you make enough of a fuss about it. however, do this, and i will kill you.

>>7429496
the one near university ave?

>>7430315
i don't have any girl clothes to change into ;_;

>>7429930
hey, i work at subway too, might i add thats bull shit. my boss owns every subway in a 30 mile radius from the one i work at, and if food falls on the floor, big deal, if some customer isnt looking we can get free food up the ass from the trays

>>7429930
I don't personally work there, but I do have an aunt that does, and this statement is in fact true.

>>7429874
Working at theaters durring the summer is common around here, and the stories I've heard about the three in the area there is one story that is reccurring element: the managers are bitchy.

>>7430496
I think for subway it really depends on the area it is at. Some are clean, other are complete shit.

>>7430563
PROTIP: most Subways are franchised so it's mostly up to the owner of each store. Subway imposes broad guidelines but anything above that is down to framchisees.

For what it's worth, my local one is fucking gleaming and I have no hesitation buying from them. I've seen some proper disgusting ones in other towns though.

>>7428560
This is by far the most useful thing I've ever heard on /r9k/.

All I got is reusing bread and salad at an Italian restaurant I used to work as a host.

Or back in the old days, you could throw stuff in your bag at the Gap and then pretend to return it to us without a receipt and get in-store credit. They may have changed the policy slightly, but Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic are incredibly lenient on shoplifters. We're told to badger with questions, but otherwise, leave them alone.

Oh, and if you ever get in any sort of accident, get the best fucking lawyer you can because I worked for the lawyers who represent the insurance companies of all sorts of places and whatever. They are the best. And they have endless money to use for buying experts and god only knows what else.

>>7429277
>>7429308
Herp here, that wasn't me :)
But I do want to know what drug
>>7429020
is talking about that makes you piss yourself. This is new to me. But I do agree that on the whole we're lazy fucks who want to drink coffee and sleep.

>>7429859
you would be deposing 78,000 a year. someone will notice that much money. you need to set up a front business, something dealing with cash and low overhead.

start a lawn service or some shit. get a few real accounts and fake the rest. that way you can incorporate and pay yourself

I work at a day care. There is no secret, I like kids.

If you drop your kids off and say you're going to pick them up at a certain time, please do. That's the most annoying thing.

I work in a steel mill, in Blytheville, Arkansas (Nucor Yamato, look it up), and the mill I work in is currently making the biggest I-beams in the world to rebuild the twin towers.

Secret: The beams are made out of the scrap iron from the original twin towers.

>>7429915

Seconded. I, too, used to work at a Kohl's. Employees are trained to say "yes we can" to any reasonable customer request.

Also, the interest rate on a Kohl's Charge is around 25% (last time I checked). Basically, don't get one unless you intend to only use it during the "save X percent by using your Kohl's Charge" promotions and paying it off the next month.

If that sounds cool to you, open a charge account when you've got a giant purchase and ask the cashier if you can get 20% off on that day's purchase (failing that, ask for 15% and a coupon for 15% off your next trip). We weren't supposed to offer more than 10%, but we routinely went as high as 20% until our managers got bitched at by corporate.

>>7431453
bullshit, the beams from the original towers were sold to china so investigators couldnt prove it was an inside job.

>>7431512
Bullshit, I've seen the beams themselves cruising down the Mississippi River on big as fuck barges. They were charred and warped as fuck. I will say that they didn't hang around too long. Almost as soon as they came in they were ground up and melted.

>>7431453
Why? They're just gonna knock em down again

Fuckin sand niggers

>>7431603
Also another mill secret is that America's crumbling infrastructure is what keeps most steel mills in business. The Hernando De Soto bridge between Arkansas and Tennessee gets patched up with Nucor Steel regularly.

I work in a research lab as an intern.
Just yesterday a study on a popular brand of pimple cream indicated that mixing it with water releases a gas that when inhaled causes cancer at about the same rate as four cigarettes.

Basically if you're using this to clean your face as the package describes, every time you got to wash it off you're inhaling the equivalent of eight smokes.

The report comes out thursday.

>>7428429
Sounds like something right outa blade runner

>>7431956
hahaha my parents hate it when i smoke
i hope i am using this shit

>>7431956
Oh also, axe deodorant spray does a similar thing.

Though it's only like two cigs a spray.

Heald college professors often know nothin about the classes they are teaching.
The more students they pass the better thier standing.

>>7430043
how can i get this job.. please explain

>>7432314
i conccur

1. buy a TV from a large store that doesn't mark receipts at the door

2. have friend walk out with another TV, with the receipt

3. return the first TV

4. Free TV

>>7431956
jesus fuck

just tell us which one it is. or at least, is it brand specific?

>>7430043
HOW DO GET!?

Rebecca was born in 1980. RE0/1 takes place in 1998. That would make her 18.

>>7431956
Is it benzoyl peroxide?

I've been using that shit since I was 17. Often get it in my nostrils and eyes.

TELL ME.

Enhanced Malignant Progression of Mouse Skin Tumors by the Free-Radical Generator Benzoyl Peroxide1
John F. O'Connell2, Andres J. P. Klein-Szanto, Donna M. DiGiovanni, JoAnn W. Fries and Thomas J. Slaga

The University of Texas System Cancer Center, Science Park-Research Division, Smithville, Texas 78957

Chemical carcinogenesis in mouse skin can be divided into the processes of initiation, promotion, and progression. The free-radical generator benzoyl peroxide is moderately active during the promotion stage. Repetitive treatment of mouse benign skin tumors (papillomas) with benzoyl peroxide (20 mg, twice weekly) increased the number of cumulative carcinomas per group by 325% and the number of keratoacanthomas by 44% compared to tumor-bearing Sencar mice treated with the promoter 12-O-tetradecanoylphorbol-13-acetate. The lack of increase in the number of cumulative papillomas per group due to benzoyl peroxide treatment suggests that benzoyl peroxide enhanced the progression of preexisting papillomas. The ability of benzoyl peroxide to enhance the progression of benign tumors to cancer should be considered when determining the human risk from exposure to this widely used chemical agent; in addition, biological assays specifically testing malignant progression may be essential and beneficial for determining an agent's carcinogenic risk.

FFFFFFF

>>7435144
oh wow. time to change my skincare!

mate of mine at work is a hoon, had a crash a couple months ago, nearly killed someone, it hasn't stopped him.

The ross in downtown Portland Oregon has 7 floors. 4 of which haven't been used for 30 years. the code to get the elevator to the 6th floor is 651B5. press the buttons slowly and you might have to repeat it a few times. Don't worry the elevator camera is broken.

Picture related.

I deliver pizzas at a well known restaurant. My boss and I regularly smoke pot in the store.

Also, if I'm delivering to a house that stiffs me on a regular basis, I make it a point to loogie on each slice of the pizza, including times when I've had the flu, as well as other disgusting things if Im feeling up to it.

Protip: If you dont have enough to tip, you dont have enough for delivery. We make under minimum wage and depend on tips to pay bills.
If you fuck up my pay. I'll fuck up your food.

>>7435384

congrats, faggot.

>>7435384

I work at xxxxx and I spit/cum in/on your xxxxx

>>7428392

No, it's that people will decide, for themselves, what an acceptable level of risk is.

I KNOW that if I go to Taco Bell, I'm gonna have the shits.

But I don't fucking care, because I can get ten tacos for ten dollars, and they're fucking delicious.

Similarly, if I go to a place that has a reputation of getting people sick, I'm saying to myself, "I don't care, this place is cheap/delicious/whatever enough to be worth it."

You're fucking retarded.

I worked for ATT As a Phone based tech support at 2wire.

The way our systems worked the email field info was not directly synced to a persons billing account details.

This means someone could call, supply a bogus Name + Address + Someone elses email ( Yahoo / ATT / Sbcglobal email ), hang up, call again, and ask for their password to be reset and the second agent would have to verify it based on...you guessed it, the bogus info from the first call.

Using this loophole you can easily hack into any email associated with ATT, assuming they haven't changed their policy ( Unlikely, they are retarded. ) But just to be safe use someone elses phone.

Photocarcinogenesis and toxicity of benzoyl peroxide in hairless mice after simulated solar radiation
Catharina M. Lerche 1 , Peter A. Philipsen 1 , Thomas Poulsen 2 and Hans Christian Wulf 1
1 Department of Dermatology, Copenhagen University Hospital, Bispebjerg, Copenhagen, Denmark ;
ABSTRACT

Abstract: Topical benzoyl peroxide (BPO) gel has long been used to treat acne vulgaris and has recently been combined with clindamycin (BPO-clin). No skin malignancies have been reported after clinical use of BPO, but there has been concern about the possible carcinogenicity of BPO alone and in combination with UV radiation. BPO can promote skin tumorigenesis in a mouse skin chemical carcinogenesis model. As acne vulgaris is frequently localized on sun-exposed areas, we investigated whether BPO or BPO-clin accelerates photocarcinogenesis in combination with simulated solar radiation (SSR) in 12 groups of 25 hairless female C3.Cg/TifBomT-immunocompetent mice. BPO or BPO-clin was applied topically to the back five times each week, followed by SSR three times each week (2, 3, or 4 standard erythema doses) 3-4 h later, for 365 days or until death. Generally BPO and BPO-clin did not accelerate the time to first, second or third tumor. Therefore, there is no evidence suggesting that BPO or BPO-clin is photocarcinogenic. However, we found significantly higher mortality in the SSR exposed groups receiving BPO and BPO-clin compared with groups receiving only BPO or BPO-clin. Our results show that BPO and the combination of BPO and clindamycin do not accelerate photocarcinogenesis, but are toxic in hairless mice. Based on the current data, the cancer risk associated with the use of BPO and BPO-clin in sun-exposed areas is minimal. Thus, while the carcinogenic potential of BPO is not fully understood, at the present time, evidence suggests that this compound is safe to use.

>>7435621

FUCKING SHIT.

Time to change my main email.

I work as a dishpig in a fancy 5 star place. I bring my own gloves from home, the same ones I use to clean the bathroom.

>>7435621
Any way to easily get default 2wire wep keys?

It's ridiculous how bad most skin/bodycare is for you. Read up on that shit.

>>7435661

Read bottom of the router.

Beyond that, not really. However the default SSID "2WIRE###" the last 3 numbers are always the last part of the WEP.

If they have not changed the SSID, they most likely have not changed the WEP either. If you want to steal your neighbors internet you will have to see if you can take a peek at their router from a window when they arent home.

>>7435669
No kidding. I've got soap allergy and while there are soap-free washing emulsions on the market, I've just been showering with hot water alone since I was a kid (I use egs as shampoo for my hair).

I don't smell or anything - no one even notices anything weird about me until they can't find shampoo in the bathroom and see a bunch of eggs there.

It's so redundant, all of it. First people wash the oils off, then they try to put them back on with conditioner and cream and whatever. Weird.

I work at a butcher and we're meant to wear gloves but we don't. Hell, I don't even wash my hands. I usually jack off before work, wipe my hands off with a tissue then go to work.

I may not jizz in your meat but I do jizz in my hands that in turn prepare/get yor meat.

>>7435621
>>7435621
>>7435621
Go on..
I didn't understand the first part which involved me giving out bogus info.
So you call, and say.."I'm X and I live here and this is my email"
I don't get it.

>>7435713

Heh, we never washed our hands when we were doing inventory at the supermarkets either. Also, we'd find dead mice behind the shelves all the time, and meat packages behind the shelves with cereal where the meet had liquidified and grown fungus all around. In the storage behind the supermarket, you can find the fungus growing even into the boxes with foods, rotten broken eggs, and other shit.

>>7435715

Thats pretty much what you say.

When you call them, as long as your phone you are using is not already tied to an ATT account what the agent will see is a blank page of no info. The agent is then required to ask you all of this. They will ask your name, address, email etc. You give them completely bogus data, and an email you want to hack into when they ask for your email. Remember all the bogus info you gave as you will need to repeat it.

When you call the second Agent, he/she will use your phone# to look up your info and he will pull up the page with all your bogus Data. He has no way of knowing this info was input by the first agent and could very well be bullshit. You then ask for a password reset and the agent will ask for your information which he will be using the bogus data to check. Give him the same bogus info, he will reset the password and let you pick a new one. This is how it was when I worked there about 2 years ago.

>>7435144

That was written in 1986 :/

>>7435144
>>7431956
>>7435624
WHAT THE FUCK
So using basiron is like smoking and causes cancer? What the fuck, srsly?

>>7435621

HAHAHAH OH WOW. I just did this for my own email address but gave this dum chick a fake name/address. FUCK THEY FELL FOR IT.

My sbc account is now my new spam account.

>>7435747
>>When you call them, as long as your phone you are using is not already tied to an ATT account what the agent will see is a blank page of no info. The agent is then required to ask you all of this. They will ask your name, address, email etc. You give them completely bogus data, and an email you want to hack into when they ask for your email. Remember all the bogus info you gave as you will need to repeat it.

So I call them, I say that I can't get into my email, I give them my email, and...they start asking me to add info to the account?

Wouldn't they just ask me the questions that come WITH The email/attached to the email?

>>7435653
Ew, neckbeard poop traces in my stuffed quail.

A tip for the femanons:

I Work in the video game industry as a 3 artist.

Women have an unbelievable free ride in this industry. If you want to get your foot in the door, look around job sites that are searching for a "Game QA tester" and as long as you are not a hambeast and can get an interview they will hire you. Once you are in the job, the standards for which they will lay you off or fire you are much more lax then the ones male QA testers ( which will be all of them except you ) go through. Play it cool, and within 6 years you can make it to Producer status or Game designer for a major developer despite the fact that you are a dumb cunt.

I point to Assassins creed as my proof. I know Jade personally. She's a dumb cunt.

SO what we get from these thread are:

1. It's easy to steal stuff if you know the system.

2. Learn to cook and make your own food. RR's are not to be trusted no matter what the rating.

3. Women have it easier than they think.

4. Nobody gives a shit about you.

>>7435868

Heh, I probably live in a massively wrong country to try this but...

>>7429034
Like homeless bums and shit wanna mess with authority figures all the time.

>>7435868
I am going to test this theory.

>>7429441
All over Europe (eastern and western) and all over Russia. Basically most of the civilised mainland does it. Saves on landfill.

>>7435868
But she's hot. And when it comes to women and jobs, that's all what really matters since a man could do the job better anyway.

>>7429161
fucken lol

worked as a forklift driver in ma last job-rearranging freight for 2-3hours straight was evryones favorite hobby, nothing got done till the shiftboss came onto the floor and went apeshit.
did an hour of real work, then back to rearranging shit, boss goes apeshit etc repeat daily

other then stealingfood from ma fast food days, am boring here :/

work in western canada only grocery store.
every one of our EMERGENCY EXIT ALARM WILL SOUND DOORS are regular doors.
any customers ballsy enough to try this i let leave with whatever they have, if anything.
also, one of these doors is right by the pharmacy, which has a fucked up camera set-up that doesn't catch anything,
so people always be stealing expensive shit.
oh well, i'm a grunt.

I have worked at 2 different Pizza huts

We have inspectors around weekly and managers are always incredibly uptight about cleanliness, not in a butthurt way or anything, it's nice place to work. Also all the pizza you can eat, there's always SO much spare pizza around from bum orders. You should never worry about people doing stuff to your food in Pizza hut, we have TVs and stuff in the back so we never really get bored enough to care about that, unless you're a real ass about it, but then again if you're an ass you will get your food messed with wherever you go.

>>7436074
oh and if you want free pizza, when you're done in the restaurant ask for a box for your last few slices then fill it up with slices from the buffet thing, nobody ever mans that thing anyway, and it's normally right next to the exit.

Quick question for those employed among us: How normal is it to not get a reply if you've sent in an application?

I've been looking for a job since December, and I've sent in about 10 applications. This few because I feel really disgusting applying to multiple places, some subconcious moral objection. It sort of feels like cheating your company.

Yet at the same time, I wait for a week after sending in an application and have received, out of 10 so far and 1 pending, 1 reply. They were going to interview me, but just fixed it internally by changing staff or something.

Anyway, I've heard that I should just apply to EVERYTHING I see. I feel really... dirty doing that, though, it doesn't feel right. But this is starting to get depressing. Two and a half months and I'm still no further than where I started, and the way companies treat people applying to positions is kind of.. insulting.

>>7436117
Very normal. If you get a reply to 1 out of 10 that's perfectly normal. If you get more, you're pretty good. Also, send in HUNDREDS of applications dude.

>>7436125
Ugh, that's what I've been told before. It's just so extremely.. I don't know, it makes me feel slutty to do that. Anyway, thanks for the answer, I guess I'll have to get over my moral objection of applying to 300 different jobs at once.

I'm a game tester. We basically do whatever the developers want/need us to do (a request from a lowly programmer will often override the demands of a lead tester) and don't get paid much. I work at EA and I've heard other companies are a lot better. Aside from being the bottom of the totem pole and not making much money, I enjoy my job.

As far as secrets go... there are a lot of bugs that we see and report but get declared "known shippable." There are also likely going to be bugs in the games simply because of all the work being outsourced. I don't know what it is, but foreigners just don't find as many quality bugs as we do. I'm going to be working on FIFA 11 soon and the in-house QA team is less than half the size of FIFA 10's. The job is also a lot more work that most people assume. Most testers are given a specific part of the game to focus on and have specific tasks to perform on a tight schedule. For example, I test online and I do a fuckton of pulling ethernet cables out of consoles and routers. There are times when I'm just playing the game, but it's usually to confirm that a "claim fixed" issue is actually fixed and I'm doing specific things to try to trigger the issue.

>>7436117
Most retail jobs (especially at malls) get hundreds of applications a week. You should be calling them and courteously bug the shit out of them until they tell you hear for certain that they are not hiring or that you can come in for an interview. Wait a week and then call atleast twice a week.

Working at a Nigger nightclub taught me lots..

like the GreyGoose is really cheap well Vodka as is the Patron Tequila. (we just fill em up behind the bar) and them Niggers and Wetbacks don't know the taste of real quitaly.
They still pay out the ass to drink cheap shit.

Female bathrooms in a nightclub setting are the worst things on earth, fucking dirty animals them Females are.

There others secrets but if I told you I'd have to kill you.

I used to be a teller at a bank. Here's how you rob one:

(1) Remember that the tellers have been instructed to do whatever you, the robber, demand, even if you don't brandish a gun or allude to having any other weaponry. Hand the teller a note that clearly and legibly states you're robbing her and she will (or should, per her training) comply. The bank would rather lose a nominal amount of money insured by FDIC than get sued by the family of a teller who gets shot.

(2) Alter your height. Banks hang items on the wall at specificed heights or otherwise mark those heights as an easy way for people to ascertain, following a robbery, the height of a robber. So there might be a picture frame hung at exactly 6', etc. Wear heels or elevator shoes if you can get away with it.

(3) In your note, specify that if she hits the alarm button, everyone will die. Give yourself some getaway time -- tell her she can wait 2 min to hit the button after you leave, whatever. Allude to a hostage nearby whom your accomplice will kill if any activity is heard on police radio frequencies. Be creative. Again, her training instructs her to take what you say at face value and obey you.

(4) To that end, for added assurance, try to only hand her the note when it's obvious both her hands are above the counter, and stare at her hands as soon as you do. Maybe whisper (or write, in your note), "I know where the button is. Don't press it." She shouldn't try anything.

(cont)

>>7436282

was going to post instructions (5) through (8) plus some added advice, but robot is bloxxing. i guess /r9k/ has all the robbery expertise it needs

>>7436293

Nooo. Make the effort, we love you.

>>7436293
Nah, tell us. This is of great entertaining value.

>>7436293
Do 5 through 8 somehow tell you take advantage of the fact that banks can and do hire people who can't get around a simple text filter?

>>7436282

Also, while I'm asking: how much money would a teller readily have access to? Like, what's a reasonable amount of money to demand that won't 'put her on the spot' such that she's afraid of disappointing you so takes the risk of pushing the button, or in some other way betrays the situation? I'd rather be sure I was gonna get away with 500 than risk getting caught for 5000

>>7436307

okay, here it is in image form, all the better to fukken save

>>7436330

in my how-to i say expect to get $10k tops but the teller may not even have that much. $5k is safe. You could also say something like, "all the $20, $50 and $100 bills in your drawer." Then she won't attract suspicion by running around to fetch more cash.

>>7436366

Fantastic. 5k is safe. What you say is all good. Small score, unassuming. Hmmm. What sort of receptacle do most people who come in to make a legitimate large cash withdrawl bring? What do you think of the idea of temporary hair dye, slightly altered facial features, and a suit/business casual. Something so that the large amount of cash changing hands doesn't look suspicious.

>>7429786

>The feds make you report any cash transaction over $10k.

Wow and I here I was thinking this was America, you know, where people have freedom. This is why I only keep a small amount in banks, I don't need the government telling me what to do with my money or watching me like a hawk. It's my money, I earned it, fuck off.

>>7436390
>receptacle

there are these little pouches with zippers that lock (hard to describe) which small business owners use to make deposits and withdrawals. I'd go with one of those. A guy standing in a bank shoveling a bunch of cash into one of those bags would not look suspicious.

Here is an example -- I think larger sizes are available:

http://www.amazon.com/PM-Company-SecurIT-Deposit-04620/dp/B0017D52PM

Once you're out on the street you may not want to be blatantly carrying this -- it will be apparent you're carrying cash, making you more memorable than you would otherwise be. I'd suggest having a shopping bag with you that would be typical of what a local merchant would give out, and slipping the money bag into the shopping bag when you go.

>temporary hair dye
I've never tried temporary hair dye so I don't know how convincing or natural it would look. Natural is key, since if it's obvious you have black DYED hair then all this accomplishes is the cops know your hair is not really black.

In terms of dress and looking like someone who'd be carrying lots of cash, I think this depends on where your bank is located. Mine was in a small but affluent suburb, and the local merchants making deposits were the owners of clothing boutiques, restaurants, things like that. So it was common to see them dressed in jeans or other nonbusiness attire. Guys in suits are usually not tasked with running to the bank for cash, so I'm not sure the suit would be the best fit.

>>7435384

PROTIP ASSHOLE: If you don't clear minimum wage (i.e. you don't get enough tips) during a pay period, your employer is legally obliged to make up the difference in your paycheck so that you at least make minumum wage for the hours you've worked that period.

Faggot.

>>7436391
where do you keep most of your money? cash under mattress is a huge waste -- you could be earning interest. The $10k transaction thing is a pain in the ass (and btw it only applies to CASH transactions), but you can avoid it by breaking up your transactions into $7-$9k smaller transactions. True, if a bank notices a pattern of this then it's supposed to follow the same reporting requirements that apply to $10k transactions, but in practice this can be avoided by going to different bank branches (even if they are all within 20 miles of one another) with different employees who don't recognize you as the guy who deposited $8k last week. That admittedly won't help indefinitely. Eventually you have to launder it.

>>7435384
Maybe if you faggots didn't charge for delivery you'd get a tip. I used to tip 2-3 bucks for my pizza, now I give them exact change since they started charging for delivery.

>>7436421

What I'm thinking is pick a bank in a city, during a rainy day. We're talking downpour. Have bought two very different rain coats earlier, along with an umbrella, and an expensive looking (but cheap) watch, along with basic facial disguise. Put one raincoat on, the other in your suggested shopping bag. Make a point of pointing out your expensive looking watch while she's getting the money, indicating that time is of the essence and fixing the watch in her mind. Fill the money pouch, walk out, put the pouch in the shopping bag, swap raincoats, throwing the first one into the garbage, the watch into another garbage can and just drop the umbrella somewhere. Un-alter facial appearance, walk for a bit, get on subway/street car/bus, and gone.

Thoughts?

i work foodservice.

i've had sex with my supervisor. not that big of a secret but if the big bosses found out she'd be fired.

>>7436427
>>7436427

>implying that employers actually give a flying fuck about this

>>7436447

>IMPLYING HURRR DURRRR GREENTEXT

It's the law. Do you know what that means? How fucking old are you?They don't pay you properly? Sue. Congratulations, huge settlement, you got cash.

>>7436438
my immediate reaction to this is to be wary of cities because you're going to be caught on so many security cameras -- every merchant's got a sidewalk-facing camera, and if you're in nyc, dc, etc then probably there are random homeland security cameras around.

details like the watch, which influence how the teller stereotypes uou but can also be easily changed, are good, but the watch in particular might not be my go-to. For starters, cops aren't going to be looking for "a guy in a rolex" -- that's not something you can spot from a distance and in a big city there are tons of legit rolex guys. You can try to disguise yourself after the fact by dressing like a poor, but people dressed like poors are always going to be criminal suspects. I might go the opposite route -- dress "down" for the robbery then class yourself up when in hiding. People expect robbers to be poor desperate dumb types, so during the robbery your look will fit, and afterwards once it's engrained in peoples' minds that they're searching for typical scum, they'll let respectable yuppies walk right on past.

Finally, I wouldn't throw the disguise away. Reason: cops will eventually recover the watch and trace where it was purchased, etc, giving them an additional clue. Better to bring with you and destroy later.

Beta gene?

>>7436465

to add to this, here is one disguise detail i might consider: research typical prison tattoos. then use marker (or whatever) to draw a passable fake one on your arm or chest, and have only an inch or so of it peek out "unintentionally" from your shirt collar or between your sleeve and glove. The teller is already struggling to memorize details about you, so you don't need to do anything to call her attention to the tattoo other than display a small piece. She'll scrutinize and describe it to the cops and they'll "know," instantly, which prison gang it references, and that will lead them down a nice false trail.

>>7436465

Well, the reason I say do it on a rainy day is that the second I leave the bank, I'd put the hood on and just look to blend into the crowd of basically identical hooded rainjacket figures. Ever notice how people are almost indistinguishable in crowds on rainy days? That was kinda the plan.

And I wasn't really thinking to dress up or down. I was basically relying on making myself look entirely generic once I leave the bank.

Also, I'd buy everything in cash, cut the labels off, shit like that. Maybe even drop the watch somewhere like a bus stop or something where it's guarunteed to be picked up by someone and taken away. Give it to a homeless person halfway across the city. Something like that.

The other advantage to a rainy day is that if you change your coat somewhere where there isn't a camera directly watching you, then your ENTIRE appearance is basically changed, because everyone hides deep in their rain coats.

>>7436476

Not a bad idea. My thought for the watch was that it's something she'll likely fixate on as an easily communicable detail, and thus will focus more on it than other information. Misdirection.

>>7436480
Yeah, rainy day and raincoats are not bad ideas. I'm curious, though: where do you think there won't be a camera watching you? Probably a restroom would work.

The one potential downside to blending in with everyone else in raincoats on a rainy day is that you might take away the opportunity to look drastically different than you looked during the robbery. But I'm not sure which I'd choose.

In terms of cutting labels off clothes, if the cops get their hands on the clothes then this won't help -- they can analyze fibers, determine where they were manufactured, and have experts who will look at a swatch and instantly say, "brooks brothers." Better to not leave things behind for analysis. Buying everything in cash is obviously a good move, but even then, you may need to disguise yourself while making those purchases, avoid security cameras while traveling to and from those purchases, etc. It's a pain.

>>7436484
Yeah I agree w/misdirection. I think if you can make the misdirection converge w/some stereotype the teller expects this is optimal, because then she will notice that one detail and fill in gaps about how you look, act, etc. based on what the stereotype dictates. So will the cops.

Former Disney World employee here

- If you want free stuff, extra fast passes, whatever, complain. If you complain then Disney will treat you like a fucking king. They would rather give away all kinds of shit then have someone around who is pissed at something. One time a family got a free night in the fucking Cinderella suite (The suite inside the freaking castle at Magic Kingdom because they were the most bitchy family ever and all they did was complain to Guest Services everytime they came. They were actually dicks and one of them took a shit in the tub and left it there or housekeeping. Eventually they got banned from the parks, but still, if you don't take it too far you can get lots of shit like free snacks or ride passes and stuff)

- If you don't want to wait in line you can go up to Guest Services and request a Disability Pass (I forget the actual name, but that's what it is) It's basically a red pass they you have on you and if you show it to the line attendant they will let you to the front of the line. Everyone in a wheelchair or some form of obvious disability gets one, but you can request one for stupid shit like "anxiety issues" and it's Disney's policy to not ask any questions as that could cause a potential shitstorm is they refuse it to someone with real problems. So basically you can go up there, say you have anxiety or that fear of crowds thing, and you get a pass that lets you skip every line in Disney.

- Restaurants will make you any special order you want, as long as they have the pertinent ingredients available. They are required to cater to people with food allergies or special diets, so they will make whatever you need. Even if you don't have something like that, and just don't want cheese, just say it's a diet for health reasons and they will make a special order. If the cast member at the counter gives an issue, then ask for the chef. They will make it personally.

I never wash my hands at work, but I will off the clock and at home.

I am a baker. I hate customers and want them to get sick.

>>7436502

Realistically I'd buy shit cheap ones from a salvation army, while looking as generic as possible. Just a guy buying a raincoat.

And I'd definitely go with "look like everyone else" as the best option. Because I'm going to be changing facial things and a couple other details as well. Also I'll be hunching over and stuff, so true height will be masked. I'm simply too tall for me to be able to reasonably get any taller without attracting notice.

And I'm not sure where the fuck I'd go to change. Possibly things like an underpass, or a covered walkway. Somewhere where it would seem reasonable that someone is getting out of their raincoat. Maybe even a mall type thing. I'm not sure. I'd want to look around before hand. Recon is key.

I work at hospital's lab as an assistant.

There is tons of downtime during the weekend. They don't care if your on the internet unless you get shit done. My weekend goes like this 2.5 hrs of real work 6 hrs of bullshit/flaming/lulz on the interbutts. There is the obvious don't download pr0n rule, but other than that it beats my old retail and restaurant jobs

>>7436534
dude you will get raeped by the fedz.
as smart as you think you are
fuck you

>>7436638

Low cash crimes (and 5K is low cash by this measure) are given a cursory investigation, but, if there's no violence, and not a huge deal of money taken, then the investigation will not be that thorough. Particularly in cities. Cops have A LOT to do.

im a paper boy

if you complain about your paper being three feet away from where it should be, and my supervisor bitches at me about it, and i have to get out of my car to throw your paper, i will break your fucking window, and your paper will be where it should be.

>>7436502

Dude I would be gobsmacked if the cops pur that level of investigation into a 5k bank job...

>>7436724

You are absolutely correct. You will also go to jail if you commit crime with that mindset. If you want to stay safe you get PARANOID. You're right, they almost certainly won't look half that deep, but, why take the risk? Let them find NOTHING.

>>7436534
I remember watching this program about a dude that was robbing banks in Canada. He robbed like 6 banks in different provinces. He would wear coveralls and would have a suit underneath it to switch into. This bad ass robbed a bank, then walked outside and robbed the bank across the street then changed into his suit and watched the police going crazy. The guy also had a pilots license and flew to a couple different providence and robbed banks in the same day. The police were like "there is no way these robberies could be related". I think his wife turned him in when she figured it out or something.

>>7436741

That's badass. But be that as it may, I refuse to be that blithe about it just incase.

Honestly, I've not put a single moment's thought into what I'd do with the money. As far as I can tell, the money is just a way of keeping score for me. I'm sure I'd find a use for it, but, what seems to really matter to me is doing it perfectly.

>>7436741

There another pointer. Let no one else in on the plan, or get wind that you're up to it. Be the only one who knows and no one can turn on you.

I work in a funeral parlour.

For around 200 dollars, you can fuck a corpse. We don't even clean the semen out or anything like that.

We get around four or five such customers a week.

I worked at a bakery, most of us never wore gloves, if something was uncooked and dropped on the ground we'd brush it off and cook it. If something cooked was dropped on the ground it would depend if there was visible dirt on it, if we could make it look clean though we'd sell it. In the spring and summer there were flies everywhere.

>>7436816
Do people blatantly ask to fuck the corpses, or do they try to leave some sort of subtle hint? How old are the corpses generally?

At walmart, if the associates see you steal shit, we can't do anything but tell management or call loss prevention (takes forever.) Even then, we can't do anything about it until you physically attempt to leave the store with the object. Usually we have two security guards. One guy will stand at the door, appearing just to be a customer waiting for his friends or whatever. He'll try to stop you.

>>7436816
I just fapped to the thought of this

>>7436518
>>7436502
>>7436484
>>7436480

Jesus christ

Cops are lazy. Cops are tired. Cops are bored. Cops are human beings.
They're NOT going to dwell into a deep on-going investigation to CATCH TEH BURGULAR. You stole 10k from a fucking bank. A BANK. Probably owned by a very rich jew, with employers whom don't give a flying fuck and probably hate their greedy-ass supervisor and boss.

An investigation regarding a small fucking robbery, where nobody got hurt and only a small ass niggersum got stolen from a fucking jew.

Nigga please. Don't believe the news, few robberies are ever solved, in fact stolen cars, something really easy to track and identify, are rarely recovered. Don't believe the bullshit, bro.

>>7436678
Im:
>>7437406
Seems like I was bested, and a better, shorter explanation too

>>7437317

At best buy when we know someone is stealing, we aren't allowed to touch the customers but we will accidentally trigger the alarms or accidentally try to move a washing machine in your direction. The goal is to surround the shoplifter and corner them in until they just throw whatever product in the store. And other times our lost prevention guys and gals jump shoplifters for the lols. We don't give a fuck, you come stealing we ban hammer the fuck out of the person. Fuck yeah lost prevention :D

>>7437406

How do I shot bank?

brox-o-matic

>>7437460

I'm the guy who posted the short explanation. I'm also the guy with the super detailed, thorough plan. Because I believe that even though it's true, there's no reason NOT to be thorough.

I work for American Express. We blatantly treat people different based on the money they spend. If you spend $200 a month on your Blue card you will get nothing special. But I will break every policy in the book to keep that Centurion cardmember who spends $500k a month happy.

>>7437461
Whooo Best Buy LP! Actually, it's no longer LP, y'know? Loss Prevention has turned into Asset Protection. Haha. Ass P.

I used to work at a restaurant that was owned by a catering service that did gigs for rich people around town. They kept booze and party supplies in the back of the restaurant. I knew the guy who did inventory and he was an idiot, so once a week I stole a handle of fancy whiskey or vodka and got drunk with my friends. I also learned how to ask for food in spanish and the illegal chefs were so amused that they just made me lunch every day and usually made me a sandwich to take home.

Anyways secrets, at a place that just has a case where you take a drink, they are frequently expired. Once we had a case of iced tea that was like two years old and we just put it in there.

Also, since the place was kind of fancy, we avoided making scenes at all costs. Someone made a fuss about getting the wrong salad dressing and they are starting to bitch? Oh let me offer you desert on the house. Someone in a rush whose food was late? Let me throw some cookies in that to go bag.

There were a few regulars who never tipped. I spat in their soup regularly and I don't give a fuck.

>>7429543
I used to work at Walmart on the self-checkouts, this is legit.

We are NOT allowed to accuse you of anything, we are REQUIRED to assume it was a mistake. Also, if the bag sensor (detects when weight is added) isn't on, you can leave with 4 filled bags of food and only pay for half of it, easy.

I worked in the deli at a Sobeys.

You wouldn't believe the amount of food that gets thrown away. Probably around 8-10 pounds of meat daily. That's just the deli, too. The bakery throws a dumster full of "stale" (ie, 1 day overdue) shit out weekly. We're talking cakes, rolls, any kind of bread you can imagine, etc.

Anyways, nothing shady ever went on in the deli, besides us workers constantly sneaking meat. As for the customers, we're in full view of them the whole time while we're slicing their meat...so they didn't have to worry about us dropping their shit. Meat was almost always fresh, as were salads. The majority of the meat waste came from the general rule that anytime a customer requests sliced meat (ie, 10000000 times a day), the first slice comes off and goes into the waste bin because it's been sitting in the case exposed to the air.

Anyways, to avoid making this a completely boring post, here's the secret:

You can get samples of whatever the fuck you want. I don't just mean the ones sitting in the little sample container out in front. I mean, you can walk up to the counter and request to taste as much as you like. So....are you bored/hungry and in a grocery store? Go to the deli and enjoy a free feast.

>>7437832
Is there a way to tell the sensor is off before you use the machine?

>>7437863

yes, there should be a big blinking sign that says "THE WEIGHT SENSOR IS TURNED OFF HERE. FEEL FREE TO STEAL SHIT LOLS"

fukkin idiot. why steal from walmart? ur causing hard working ppl to lose they're job.

>>7437873
If it wasn't for the last sentence I would think newfag, but this post is obviously a troll.

>>7437863
Anything over 5 pounds that isn't scanned would get you the "remove item from bagging area" message if it's on.

>>7437873
HARD WORKING? Pffff. The only "hard working" people are the ones unloading the trucks of cheap shit, and the customer service people who have to listen to others bitch at US because someone ELSE didn't do their fucking job.

I played fire emblem for 4 months straight while supposedly working on a 3d model.
Shit was so cash

I'm a Marine just returned from Iraq.

1/2 my deployment was spend playing games or watching movies on my laptop

1/4 spent napping/goofing around

1/4 doing actual work

I work in an IT department, I make diagrams of severs and processes. Flowcharts and junk.
Secrets: Sometimes IT guys spit in your loptop before giving it back to you.

Pic related, its the bottom half of a new cabinet that I have to document.

Lol looks like most of r9k works at mcjobs

>>7438005

Don't most people?

I've cliturbated at work on a few occasions. I has access to an office during second shift, so no one was in there. I'd just get bored and that office was like my safe spot where no one could find me. Besides getting off, I'd draw and look through drawers, but I didn't take stuff. Just looked.
I work at the same place but I have a different shift now and I'm actually kept busy.

>>7428433
grocery stores plan on a small amount of produce being thrown away so this isn't a big deal. i worked in the produce department at safeway for a few weeks and we were always throwing away bad stuff. no big deal, the healty fruit is sold and the bad is thrown away. we would get in trouble for not throwing out the bad.

PROTIP - If you work retail and your boss is an older women, she's looking for some team-tagging action the last day of work. She'll either invite all the boys over or you can invite yourself in... either way, her getting dp'ed is a common fantasy for chicks on the way out.

>>7437982
Best buddy of a National Guard fag here. We spend most days on WoW all day (when his ping is low enough) or just talking shit on Msn.

He gets stuck on RT for weeks at a time, and doing odd-jobs like moving shit between vehicles, when bases swap Hummers and shit for different reasons.

>>7429543
>It's better than those stupid niggers who just blatantly walk out trying to look cool without ever passing a checkout lane
i work at a grocery store that doesn't have self-checkout lanes ( i pray we never get them ) and EVERY DAY niggers try to walk out with booze. its funny cuz the area is 1/3 black 1/3 mexican and 1/3 filipino and we never have problems with the mexicans or filps but god damn niggers every day will be running out with our products or trying to run some kind of food stamp scam or giftcard scam or something.

>>7436117
>I've heard that I should just apply to EVERYTHING
you HAVE to do it this way. Also call them a lot. Don't get angry with them on the phone, be polite as hell but call them all the time. every other day at first then every day then twice a day asking for the HR person. if they arent there get their name and leave a message and tell them that you will call back at a certin time and just keep hammering away.

it is seriously the only way. HR dont just like to avoid the confrontation of telling someone that they didn't get the job, they HAVE to avoid it or else it would be all they do. They are getting 100's of applications and most have to be ignored or looked over. if you keep hammering them then they have no choice but to look at you and this really increases your chance of hiring. so do that and do it for every place you apply for and apply everywhere!

>>7437982

Sounds awesome, bro.

>>7428392

B-but, there is regulation and this place remains open?!? How can that be genius?

>>7438099
I used to be a security gaurd and i've sen countless men and women masturbate in places where they think there are no cameras lol.

guys tend to lean forwards on a wall whereas the women almost always get a chair of some sort.

>>7429256
WELL THAT ONLY MAKES ME HARDER!

I work at Capz, I cum in your hats, I don't give a fuck

i work in your testicles, i cum in your cum, i don;t give a fuck

I work in the tech department at a elementary school. I smoke weed with the security guards almost every day, and teachers frequently sleep in the lounge, because they get too drunk to drive home during the day.

I work as a player, I cum in your beloved one, I don't give a fuck

i work at CERN, i cum in your large hadron colliders.
I DONT GIVE A FUCK

>>7428392

Why does this require government regulation?

Open up a business that reviews restaurants, and have an ad-supported website where people can look at ratings. Employ someone to verify these ratings with random check-ups of places. If a business does not comply with your inspection, blacklist them.

Have businesses that do everything right and want people to know about it pay you to get A-listed on your site.

I'm cum and I don't give a fuck.

>>7438477
Man, I only do it in bathrooms. There's no cameras in there... RIGHT!?!

>>7438968

Yes, but the idea that private individuals or entities can do this, rather than large, lumbering, inefficient, oppressive, and expensive government agencies or departments is unthinkable and abhorrent to many.