wow pussy she wanted to have sex with u broseph u blew it lol me n my buds laffin @ uuuu

HAHA WAT A BITCH

Better than spurting
OH GOD PENIS
like I usually do... :(

YOU JUST GOT FRIENDZONED, BITCH

cashier: is this all?
me: yes

>>5815721
this guy's rite dude she totally wanted yuo

did i mention im a pick up artist?

if somebody asks me how I'm doing I don't ask how they're doing back.

Sometimes I make small talk with cashiers/ or people I am making food for at my job.

Self Checkout: Welcome to King Soopers!
Me: (grunt)

bagger: paper or plastic?
me: plastic

cashier: how are you doing?
me: yo bitch I got no money
cashier: I take sex instead
me: good my dick is 10 inches
cashier: OOOOOOOOORGASM

That is an autobiographical record of every time I've been in a store

cashier: how are you doing?
me: not bad, hows work?
cashier: oh bla bla bla
me: cool story bro
cashier: ...fag.

Cashier:Is this all?
Me:yeah
Cashier:Do you have a reward zone card?
Me:yeah...can you use my phone number?
Cashier:yeah
Me:409-866-****
Cashier:Press "correct" to verify your info
*presses "correct"*
Cashier:You don't look like a Pamela
*coyly smiles*
*I give her my money and take the change*
Me:I'm not.
*I turn around and quickly walk out*
Cashier:Have a nice day!
Me:(under breath) you too


SHE WANTS MY DICK, YO!
*

cashier: Hi, did you find everything you were looking for?
me: uh, yeah I guess.
cashier:...
me:...
cashier: thanks, have a good day!
me: thanks, you too, bye!

>>5815795

word...you shoulda hit that while it was hot!

>>5815768
Worst porno.
EVER.

Cashier: Hi
Me: *take long drag on cigarette, slowly blow it out* Sup

>>5815833

not porno, documentary

cashier: how are you doing?
me: wonderful
*rings up my merchandise*
cashier: Do you play basketball?
me: NO!
*I storm out*

Visual aid that is beside this text is related

Wow... they're cashiers.

It's not like you're trying to fuck them. They ring you up and hand you your shit. You don't have to have some oh-so-deep connection.

When was the last time you ever heard of ANYONE you know fucking a random cashier?

>>5815880

no the problem is that this is any conversation I have with any person except in most cases they're not ringing up my shit

cashier: hi, how are you
me: good, thanks, how are you
cashier: good thanks
:rings up items:
cashier: your change is $x.xx
me: great, thank you
cashier: have a good day
me: thanks, you too

IF YOU DO ANYTHING BUT THIS YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE

Cashier: Hello~

Me: Yo!

Cashier: *rings my shit up* Is that everyting?

Me: *looks at her*

Cashier: *looks back at me, smiling like a moron.*

Me: That's all. *walks off*

Cashier: Have a nice day!

Me: I'll try.

>>5815710
The proper response is "you're welcome" you tactless cunt.

Cute cashier: Hi! How are you doing today?
Me: You too.
Cashier:..

>>5815915
No, it's "Thank YOU", because they provided the item or service you needed, you tactless cunt.

>>5815915
protip: say "You would" in response to "Thank you" for major pussy...works every time!

Cashier here:
Most of my conversations in a day
Me: Hi (Alternatively, How's it goin'. Depending on how I feel at that moment [yes it changes moment to moment it's fuckin retail])
You: Pretty good/Alright/My mom's dieing in the hospital/<INSERT JUST ABOUT ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF; PEOPLE WILL TELL RANDOM PEOPLE ANYTHING>
me: Oh, I'm sorry/Doin alright (if courtesy is returned). (continue working)
Your response probably can't be worse than any of the times I've asked 'How are you' and heard horrible horrible responses in the 5 years I've done the job. (Alternately I'm not a bum ass cashier working for minimum , I work in pharmacy which makes me deal with every possible aspect of customer service.)

>>5815938
/insert socially awkward penguin here

(buying hot salsa at Giant Tiger with a black cashier)

cashier: hi how's it going?
me: not too bad,
cashier: looks like you're making nachos.
me: oh yeah, got a craving ya know
cashier: i'm surprised you're going with the hot salsa most uh... most white people don't get the hot stuff.
me: yeah well I used to live overseas so I've gotten a taste for it.
cashier: will that be cash or credit.
me: cash.
cashier: thanks, enjoy your nachos.
me: you too.

cashier:Hi how are you to today
Me:Better now that you're here.
Both laugh .
me:Yea thats cheesey but whatever. But my day is swell.
Cashier grabs box of condoms
cashier:Oh?
Me:Yea those are for..tonight. Or some night, whenever the time strikes.
cashier rips off clothes, we fuck hardcore while old ladies behind me in line gasp and take pictures.

Cashier: hello, how are you.
Me: yeah.
Cashier: ...
Me: ...
Cashier: have a good one bub
Me: ...

Hey guys. Here are some tactics to start interactions with cashiers instead of the usual Hey how you doin good thanks bye.

Cashier: Hello, how are you today?
Me: Good, you?
Casher: Great. Thanks! Did you find everything ok?
Me: No, not everything. I asked a clerk where I could find it, but I didnt see it. He said aisle 11 and it wasnt there.
Cashier: What were you looking for?
Me: Your phone number!
PUSSY TIME!!!

Fuck it. I dont feel like writing more. Dont do that btw that shit is corny as fuck.

>>5815954
I make a point of telling every supermarket cashier I go through "I shat in the dairy aisle". Does this make me a bad person?

You realize that they are told 2 say this shit

>>5815939
No. Read an etiquette book sometime.

>>5815986

Doesnt sound like a bad idea, given that you have the right facial expression and body language.

mootblox

Cute cashier: Hi! How are you doing today?
Me: Very well, I would like to purchase this tube of spermicidal lubricant and these extra-large condoms.
Cute Cashier:..
Me: I know what you're thinking, and the answer is: yes!
Cute Cashier:..(o_o)
Me:...
Cashier:..(-_-)
Me: you too...
*runs away*

Mootblox

This is me at work.
Me: Hi there.
Customer: Hi, how are you?
Me: I'm doing well.
Customer: Oh, I'm fine, thanks!
This happens with a significant portion of people dressed up in suits/business attire.

Random one...
Me: Can I help you out with anything?
Customer: I'm just looking for my son/daughter/kid.
Me: Sorry we don't sell those here.

>>5815986
It'd give me a laugh and then I'd tell someone else to go deal with it. Something random like that would be an awesome daymaker. But I doubt any one I work with would even give it a smile.

I'm so asocial, I use the self-checkout.

What now, bitches?

cashier girl: Hi there, how are you?
me: lonely
cashier girl: ...
me: ...
cashier girl: ...
me: ...
cashier girl: ...
me: ...
cashier girl: ...
me: ...
cashier girl: ...
me: do I go now?

*rings up condoms at self-checkout"
Machine: Age restricted item! an employee has been notified.

<--My face

>>5816118
>>5816118
I WAS JUST GETTING SOMETHING TO EAT!

>>5816118
Where the hell are condoms age restricted?

>>5816139
walmart motherfucker

airsoft pellets are too...wierd

cashier: how are you doing?
me: [coolface] how u doin
cashier: ...
me: ...
cashier: thank you
me: [coolface] no, thank u
cashier: ...

>>5816155
Good to know.

I'll keep buying condoms at Rite-Aid.

half of my interactions with people in retail go like this

Sales Associate: Hi can i help you out with something?

Me: No, im just looking, but maybe if---- i dunno--- like, you see--- i just need one thats got a--- you know for colder---- because its for my sister and--- i think other people could us it but--- you know what, let me start from the begining *continues disjointed speech*
Associate: o.o

this thread is awesome

bump

The shit people will say to you when you work in a food stand at a carnival...it's astounding.

I have never had another job where people are so naturally predisposed to be a complete asshole to you for no reason.

i used to sell lawnmowers at sears

Customer: Yes, im looking to buy a tractor.
Me: You should by like, six tractors.
Customer: wut?

true story

Liqour Store Cashier here.

The one thing that annoys me is smokers who come in to buy cigarettes and tell me to "Give them a good picture", and get annoyed when i dont.

Australian btw, Cigarette packs here have a huge HEALTH AUTHORITY WARNING all over the packs with graphic images.
Its not supposed to look good idiots.

That and people who treat me and my shop like a Mcdonalds.

>>5816251

I lol'd like a motherfucker, and I'm not sure why.

>>5816279
a good picture? what the fuck does that mean i don't understand your kangaroo lingo.

>>5816211
oh poor robot, i loled

>>5816251

Lol. Sounds like you were high as shit.

Her: Hi there, we're having a special on fuck you today, would you like to try a sample?
Me: Well excuuuuuuuse me. I was just sitting here trying to get a decent picture of my cock, which turns out to be a lot fucking harder than you think it is when you're being attacked like that. You ever try to masturbate on command? Its not fucking easy.
Her: Calm down sir, you're slowing down the line. We can't carry on like this if you're not being co-operative.
Me: Well look at you, turning the tables this way then that way. How about this one, why won't anything upload? You ever ask yourself that one?
Her: I'm afraid that doesn't make a difference, sir. I suggest you hurry up and start doing something interesting.
Me: Fuck you, interesting. I'll do it when my pictures finish uploading so you can look at how awesome I am. phpppppt

I'm moving, you just don't see it.

me @ work: Hello, sir/mam, how're you today?
customer: Yeah, I'd like [shitty overpriced sandwich].
me @ work: mhm, and what would you like for your side?
customer: I get a side?!? [Frantically looks at menu]
me @ work: yes, you can choose chips, apple, or baguette.
customer: chips, apple, and what?
me @ work: Baguette, a piece of french bread. Like a roll.

....pause for 60 seconds while they mull over their choices...

customer: I guess chips.
me @ work: ok, your total is [$$$].
(money is exchanged)
me @ work: ok, enjoy your meal.
customer: thanks, you too.

I have multiple variations of this conversation at least 100 times a day. Shit really gets interesting when they want a soup or salad for their side.... YOU CAN'T, you have three choices you cunts. You can't negotiate with me, because I can't negotiate with the register. Get over it, or eat elsewhere.

and fuck working at Panera

>>5815710

The best is when they say "How are you doing"
"I'm good, how are you?"

*Silence*

Tends to only happen with grumpy old men cashiers though, girls usually at least oblige you with some small talk.

>>5816372
funny you say that. ive always just had that kind of sense of humor combined with not giving a fuck. because of that, people have always thought i smoked a buncha weed, long before i ever did.

its kinda annoying when people attribute something about you to something else, when really its just you being you

I work in a deli at a Target. This is how shit goes for me.

Me: I'll be with you in just a minute, sir.
Guest: Yeah, I want a pound and a half of roast beef.
Me: Yes sir. Just a minute.
Guest: Oh.
Me: Okay. What did you want?
Guest: A pound a half of Roast Beef.
Me: How do you want it sliced?
Guest: Shaved.
Me: Well sir, because the roast beef is the way it is, I can't really shave it.
Guest: Fine, just get it as thin as you can.
*I cut the meat*
Me: Here you go sir. Is that going to be it?
Guest: Yeah. Uh. I think I need some ham too.
Me: Okay, what kind?
Guest: Uh....
Me: ...
Guest: Just a Virginia Ham.
Me: Which one?
Guest: Huh?
Me: Which one? We have Archer Farm and Healthy One.
Guest. Archer Farm I guess.
* I cut it*
Me. Is that it?
Guest: Uh...I need some Swiss too.
Me: Which one?
Guest: All the choices!
Me: Heh. Yeah. Baby, Big Eye or Aged?
Guest: Just regular I guess.
*I cut it for them*
Me: Anything else?
Guest: Yeah. I think I'm going to need some...*popping noises with their mouth* Uh. Turkey breast.
Me: Which one sir?
Guest: I don't know...
Me: Our Honey roasted is the best seller.
Guest: Sure. Let's go with that.
*I cut it*
Me: Is that it?
Guest: Yeah.
Me: Have a good day.
Guest: You too.

Cashiers real chatty over in America or something? They just give me a tally and don't ask personal questions.

I like it that way.

>>5816279

Same here in Canadia man.

ME: Hey, how's it going?
CUSTOMER: Good, gimme a pack of Players, no teeth.

(The teeth being a giant picture on the pack that looks like someone brushed their teeth with arsenic for 30 years.)

I've actually had people choose a different brand when I only had the sick pics on their brand of choice.

>>5816422

happens to me all the time, it's fucking annoying

now whenever a cashier asks me how I'm doing I make sure I speak extra loud so they can hear me say AND YOU?

I'm trying to be friendly you cunts, fucking give me an answer back.

>>5816431
i feel your pain. i have the laugh of a major stoner and have had it all my life. my eyes are also bloodshot for 3+ hours every morning so everyone thinks i wake and bake.

>>5816515
Also, my favorite from the other day.

Me: Yes ma'am what can I get for you today?
Guest: I'll have some Boar's Head bologna.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't carry Boar's Head meats. The only bologna we have is Market Pantry.
Guest: That's too bad. I really wanted Boar's head.
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but we just carry Market Pantry.
Guest: Well Rouse's has Boar's Head.
Me: Would you like to try some before you buy it? It's just as good.
Guest: No. Because I only eat Boar's Head.
Me: Well I'm sorry to hear that.
*She stands there for a few seconds looking at the case.*
Me: Can I get you something else?
Guest: Do you have Boar's Head Cracked Pepper Turkey?
Me: No ma'am, we don't carry any Boar's Head meats at all.
Guest: Oh...

She finally walked away. What the fuck was up with that bitch?

>>5816621

I just wanted some fucking boar's head, asshole.

>>5816643
you want boars head that will be about two weeks.

>>5815733


because all the pick up artists lurk on 4chan at night.

>>5816515
That sounds agonizing.

I work in the copy center of a Staples.

Me (cashier): Do you need anything else?
Her (customer): "You're amazing! omg, thanks!" etc. because the store she went to before me couldn't do shit for her.
Me: So do you work at the store these copies are for?
Her: "No, my boyfriend does"

and blah blah I stopped paying attention because I was raging too hard inside.

cashier; how are you.
me; sometimes.

cashier; how are yo..
me; uncle joe died..
cashier; ....k

works everytime.

>>5816724
>>5816724

lolol winrar :P

cashier: waddup
me: nm
cashier: kk
me: fuker

Cashier: How are you today?
Me: fine
Cashier: that's good, can i get you anything else?
Me: yeah, do you have any barrel rolls?
Cashier: excuse me?
Me: Do you have any barrel rolls?...
Cashier: cool story bro
Me: .......
Cashier: Have a good day!

>>5816251
You are the greatest goddamn salesman ever.

>>5815980
Wolverine was your cashier...wow the economy really is fucked up

I do my grocery shopping at king soopers, because it's cheap. It's cheap because they hire retards (seriously) to work checkout.

Cashier: Hi how are you today? Do you have a king soopers card?
Me: Fine thank you, here you are.
*Cashier does this weird thing with her wrist, holding it exactly perpendicular to the slightly angled card keyboard, swipes my card, then starts checking my shit out.*
Cashier: "Ok, your total is $xx"
*I swipe my credit card*
Cashier: "All right sir, have a nice day!"
Me: "uh. can I have my card back?"
Cashier: "Oh, right, sorry, here you are"

The card was attached to my fucking keys, what the hell?
Also, there's the cashier that stutters a lot, and the three or four with carpal tunnel or something who are show as balls to check shit out.
I use the self-checkout whenever possible now. I'm pretty sure they get some sort of government subsidy for hiring retards there, it's the only explanation since they could definitely hire better workers at minimum wage in a college town.

I was at the ATT store a couple weeks ago...

Cashier: Hi, what can I help you with?
Me: My case for my phone is ripped to shreds, what do you have that will last longer?
Cashier: Pulls out all the different cases, shows what they all have, talks about features, etc...
Me: You're not helping me here, all the choices are going to make my head explode. *quick grin*
Cashier: Well, if it were up to me, I'd choose pink. But that would be for me. If I were to choose for you, I'd say white. *coy smile*
Me: But how can I trust your taste in phone covers? Maybe you're trying to sabotage me.
Cashier: Now you're just being difficult. *another quick grin*
Me: I know, it's what I do. You can be difficult if you want, you won't hurt my feelings, I have thick skin.
Cashier: I would, buuuuuut not while I'm working.
Me: That's good to hear, I don't like pushovers, they're boring. Also, I'll take this phone cover. I'm putting my faith in your ability to choose phone covers.
Cashier: Ok, the total will be blah blah blah. Also, there's a chance that ATT may call you asking about my performance.
Me: Ok, well, if they call, I'll tell them what a good job you're doing. Unless this phone cover displeases me, then you get all sad faces in my report. *sarcastic evil grin*
Cashier: Ok, well hopefully it won't fall apart on you. Treat it well so I get a good report.
Me: Hoping to get a good report before it falls apart on me? If you want positive feedback that much, I can just tell your manager you're awesome right now.
Her: He's not here right now, but here's my card (it has her cell # on it). I also wrote my managers name on the back. If you need ANYTHING just call me. *wink*
Me: Okay, will do. See you later.

I'm too much of a fucking pussy to call her rowbutts. D:

>>5816872
mildly amused

Me: Hi!
Cashier: How are you?
Me: Lonely and without a sense of purpose.
Cashier: great!
Me: ...

>>5816880

whats her number? ill take her :D

Cashier: (under breath) god damn I want to go home
Me: me too hurry up.

>>5816880
You better call or text her.

>>5816880
>I'm too much of a fucking pussy to call her rowbutts. D:

fuck yeah

>>5816978
>>5817012
I don't know what the fuck my problem is. I'm a fucking pro when it comes to conversations. I'm eloquent, suave, charismatic, etc... but I can never man up to ask a girl out after I've laid down the charm.

I've thrown away dozens of numbers and rejected probably as many direct invitations using shitty excuses over the years.

I fucking suck.

cashier: -
me: hi
*rings up my shit*
cashier: -
me: :/

I was a cashier at a pet store, a female cop checks out in my line.

Me: Hey there.
Cop: ...
Me: So, are you here to investigate the murder?
Cop: *gives me the fucking stink eye*
Me: Okay then, have a nice day.. <:|

>>5817077
>I'm a fucking pro when it comes to conversations. I'm eloquent, suave, charismatic, etc
If you're the dude who posted the ATT dialogue, then you far from eloquent, suave, or charismatic.
That was some of the cheesiest shit I've read in a minute.
You were trying way too hard.
Also, the girl was being nice. She wants a good customer service report. I doubt she's interested in much more.
Then again, you'll never know anyway.

>>5817205
Fun fact: Cheesy works surprisingly well.

>>5816340

There are graphic pictures of rotted teeth, eyes, heart and lung disease and stuff on packets here. Pretty much you average /b/ shock images. Some have dead babies or just statistics on them which people prefer, so they ask for a "good picture".

Good thread btw. I hate it when cashiers flirt with me, I never know what to do, then feel bad for possibly wasting an opportunity.

I was getting groceries with some buds and checking out. For the record, I don't frown much but I'm not smiling all the time either.

Cashier: How are you doing?
Me: Fine.
Cashier: You know...
Me: ?
Cashier: You're such a cutie when you smile.
Me: Oh... thanks.
*transaction is completed*
Cashier: See you. And wear that smile, okay?
Me: Mmm, sure thing.
My friend: *whisper* I think that chick was just hitting on you, she must dig the pussy.

She had a dyke haircut too. Switched markets due to price, haven't been back since.

>>5816279

Shut up faggot. You will fucking ring up my booze and smokes and be happy you have the honor of doing so you fucking wage slave.

>>5817397

Noogle.

Cashier: Hi, can I help you find anything! *no eye contact, already walking away before finishing*
Some guy: Nah, just browsin/lookin
Same Cashier: Same routine, no eye contact, already walking past me "Hi need help finding anything"
*Walks away before I can ask him to get me game*
Cute manager walks up: Sorry about that, which game did you need?
Me: Uncharted 2 please
Her: Oh I can't sell that yet, come back at midnight and I'll have one set aside for you *Big Smile*
Later at Midnight
Her: She comes to me when she sees me enter, hands copy, rings me up. "This game looks so amazing. Looks just like they were real actors in all the previews, I can't wait to play it!"
Me: Yeah I can't play it tonight *Sad face* I have a 8 o clock class
Her:Bummer.....*waiting around* Well...have fun after class!
Me: Yeah thanks...*walks out awkwardly*

A good thread, finally

>>5817397
While reading this, i took a big swig of water. Laughed hard, choked on water, coughed out huge burst onto laptop and crotch, proceeded to puke in nearby trash can.
Unsure how to continue, although will possibly read more of this thread.

>>5815728
laughedonthethirdpostblox

lmao

>>5817545

>Big Smile

she totally wanted ur dick bro

>>5817545

Whoa, thanks for giving me hope. I actually saw what to say in that situation to get you laid.

I know the story was made up any everything but having these little example problems sure help.

>>5817653
Please elaborate

[This has already been said before according to the robot. Disregard this text.]

>>5815795
>Cashier:You don't look like a Pamela
>*coyly smiles*

Yeah, big pimp going into stores using his mom's name to buy groceries. Women love that shit.

Cashier: *Looks at me*
Me: *looks away*
Cashier: *ringing up my stuff*
Me: *looking around and tapping counter*
Cashier: 4.23
Me: *already have wallet out, fumble with money*
Casher: *gives change*
Me: err, thank you

That is usually what happens.

Cashier: Hello, how are you today?
Me: Fine, and you?(the "and you" usually comes out strained)
Cashier: I'm doing fine *smile*
Me: that's great (again, probably strained and low so most of the time not heard)
*rings up and gives me my stuff*
Cashier: Here ya go, have a nice day!
Me: thanks, you too.*smile*(said pretty clearly, i've had more practice with this one)

That happens when the cashier is a bit more talkative.

cashier: Hi how are you today?
me: not bad

cashier: have a nice day
me: thanks, you too

wait, what's this thread about again?

out of 10 years of shopping i got those 4 scenarios.

Scenario 1 (30% of cases)
Cashier: Hi.
Me: ...
Cashier: That'll be 99 cents.
Me: ...
Cashier: Thank you.
Me: ...

Scenario 2 (30% of cases)
Her: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Her: That'll be 99 cents.
Me: ...
Her: Thx.
Me: ...

Scenario 3. 20%
Me: Hi
Her: Hi. That'll be 99 cents.
Me: k
Her: Arigato.
Me: :Z

Scenario 4. Usually at rush hours.
Her: That'll be 99 cents.

>>5817670

>Her: I can't wait to play it!!
>You: Oh, you wanna come by my place and try it out?

Or something like that. It can probably be worded better but you get the idea.

work at home depot

Customer: Excuse me si....
Me: Lowes. (walk away)

I worked cash at a fucking Tim Hortons in Canada, best experience ever.

This gigantic lumpy whale of a woman, suspended precariously on two thin metal crutches waltzes through the door followed by her frantic, frizzy mother/caretaker/trainer or whatever the fuck it was, it was like 1/6th the whale's size.

Me: Hi, how are you today?
Her: *ignore*
Me: What can I get for you?
Her: Umm... a *whisper* pteachjuisct
Me: Sorry, what was that?
Her: *evil fucking stare into the centre of my soul*, I said, a *whisper* teabuisuicuit
Me:.....
*grab tea biscuit, wrap it up,*
That'll be 79 cents, please
Her: It says on the thing its 1.25
Me: Oh, no, the tea biscuits are 79 cents. *smile*
Her:.....
*lifts canes into the air in defiant glory* I SAID A FUCKING PEACH JUICE. NEVERMIND!
*waltzes her fat ass out of there*
Niggers in line behind her: A HAWWW-HAWWWW LAWDD DAMN SUN U JUS LAWST A VALUABLE CUSTAMA HAW HAWWWWW

Thank god I quit

>>5817775

I'd keep working there, sounds like fun.

cashier: hi, how are you doing
me: play it cool dude it's not like the cashier can tell you're baked
cashier: wat
me: wat

I used to be a cashier at a grocery store, and I've had idiots ring my shit up too.

Me: Hi how are you?
Customer: Oh not bad except the hotel that I own has these bums that won't quit drinking and getting......
Me: (drifts out)
Customer: (begins to quiz me)
Me: Uhhh, Tony?
Customer: Yeah! Thanks so much for listening!
Me: Have a...day.

Me: Hello how are you?
Customer: Fine, yourself?
Me: I'm great.
Me: (Rings shit through)
Customer: What's the price on the butter?
Me: It's two for one this week.
Customer: WHAT!? THE SIGN SAID IT'S BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! MANAGER THIS CASHIER IS RIPPING ME OFF.
Me: (chuckles silently)
Manager: What's the problem?
Customer: (explains)
Manager: Well you see, both are the same since you get one free even though you only buy one.
Me: (eye contacting other customers and giving that "sorry but this is hilarious" look)
Customer: (still thinking)
Customer: Oh....you're right, sorry.
Me: Bye.

Me: Hello.
Cashier: Hi how are you?
Cashier: (small talk, rings shit through)
Me: (hands her a gift card)
Cashier: (attempts to treat it as a debit card)
Me: Umm, that's not a debit card...
Cashier: (looks at it) YOU'RE RIGHT!
Me: Ugh, just finish my order.
Me: (lolingly walks out)

Me: Hi, how are you.
(generic crap)
Customer: Be sure to dress warmly outside!
Me: Umm, it's Summer, I won't be needing to.
Customer: O_O But if you get cold you might trip and get a seizure!
Me: Wha-what?
Customer: You'll BE SORRY!

I always got the crazies/retards. Although I actually did have some nice conversations with people both as a cashier and customer.

I work in a coffee house, but I have so much more to do than just make coffee. I serve food, ice cream, prepare specialty drinks, bus and clean the dining room, ring in orders, all that shit.

I do not have time for fucking conversations. I will greet you warmly, I will smile and be pleasant in how I serve you, and I will try to do it all as quickly as possible, but I don't have time to hear you talk about shit no one cares about, nor do I possess the psychological endurance to deal with it for ten hours a day (because my managers don't know how to schedule shifts and start me at 2 when we close at 10 and it takes two hours of cleaning and restocking to get the place ready for the morning).

Also, I cannot fucking deal with customers fighting over who's going to pay. Don't do it. Don't fucking do it. Politely let the first person to take money or a credit card from his or her wallet/purse pay and then discuss it with them when you're sitting down with your coffee and pastry.

Now, I know it's pointless to bring this up on 4chan because most of my guests are middle aged or older, especially the ones who do the things I've mentioned, but it feels really good to vent. Thank you.

In b4 "stop whining and make coffee, bitch." Fuck you, I work hard keeping the place from falling into shambles.

Sara brought her groceries to the counter and said hello to the cashier, who was a girl in her early twenties. As she scanned Sara's groceries, the strange feeling in Sara's breasts intensified. It was as if prickly waves of heat were rolling through her, concentrated on her nipples. Suddenly it became intensely pleasurable. She felt a tingling in the tips of her breasts.

"Would you like paper or plastic today?" asked the nervous cashier.

"OHHH GODDDD---" moaned Sara, as hot milk began to spray from her nipples. The sensation was so amazing that she forgot where she was and began to knead herself in blind ecstasy. The torrent of milk increased, drenching her dress and spraying outward in streams, splattering the checkout counter and the horrified cashier with droplets of white. She was panting and exhausted when it finished. She looked around her.

No one moved in the whole store.

"Um, I'd like a plastic bag please," she said. The cashier looked as though she had just survived the siege at Normandy. Without speaking, she put Sara's groceries into a plastic bag and handed it to her. Sara took the bag and walked out of the store. Only when she was a couple blocks away, back in her usual form, only when her frantic heartbeat had slowed, did she realize that she hadn't paid for anything.

Cashier: Bonjour
Me: Salut
Cashier: Merci, bonne journee
Me: Merci

When I was in the states I really found it annoying that everyone would ask me how I was doing. It's so fake. You know they don't really give a fuck how you're doing but you're forced to answer that damn question every time you meet somebody. It's even worst when you're having a shit day because then you have to lie about it unless you want a follow-up question and waste more time/energy talking about your problems to random strangers that really don't give a fuck.

today

Me: Hi
Cashier: wow, no one's said hi to me at work before..
Me: Awwwww
*Rings up my shit*
Me: Thank you very much
Cashier: Thanks

my knife and duct tape turn NO NO NO into MMFMMMMFMMF!

>>5817689
I'm so glad to learn I'm not the only person with this going on.

fffretardedbootmlox

>>5816542
...you guys really hate those chatty cashiers, huh.

I'm one of those. I've gotten half a dozen accolades for customer service, though. You can't all hate me, can you..? I just want to get to know you just a little so I can make informed choices as to how to help you :(

Cashier: Hello
Me: Hi
Cashier: I need ID
Me: Right here
Cashier: WOW THATS BIG!
Me: I know!
Cashier: what are you 10?
Me: ...... :(

>>5817838
just ask 'do you really care how i am'? every time.

>>5817881
ihkhkhk
I don't understand. What's big?

>>5815938
my friend at Subway:
cashier: cheddar or cottage?
friend: yeah yes please
cashier: ...

>>5817917

His erect penis, Jim.

>>5817917
his I.D. is his penis, where as the cashier was actually asking for a drivers license. By showing his penis to the cashier, he was intending on being witty but was shot down when the cashier burned him.

this happens to me at least once every shift:

*both myself and the customer say "how are you today?"*
me: [laughs] good thanks, you?
customer: yeah good thanks, you?
[customer laughs, i blush and start shaking uncontrollably]

>>5818328
>start shaking uncontrollably
y u do dis

>>5818344
mild social anxiety disorder. people scare me.

*walk into office for my soon-to-be major; chick I've seen there before talking on phone*
Chick: Be with you in just a moment.
*other chick comes up*
Chick2: What can I help you with?
Me: I'd like to do a walk-in.
Chick2: Okay, are you currently in this major.
Me: Uhh, no, I'm a different major.
Chick2: ...
Chick: Oh, it's okay, this is Anon, he's switching majors.
Chick2: Oh, alright.
Me: Woah, you remembered my name?
Chick: Well it's a cool name.

I then filled out the thing for a walk-in, sat down, went to my walk-in, and left. Goddamn, so freaking weird that she remembered my name. I've only been in there like two or three times, and the last time was last quarter; Spring quarter. I really need to use my name to my advantage; I was born with an awesome name, bitches love that.

>>5816180
Oh lawdy, I spat out my drink.

>>5818374
Ooh, what's your name?

mewtblox

>>5818374
your name better not be Fionne you motherfucking pos

>>5818381

Isn't that a Pokemon?

No, that's not my name.

I work as a cashier. Most annoying thing anyone can say is when your searching for a price or the like and the customer says "that means its free!" and then laugh at there little joke. EVERYONE says this! you are not funny, I hear that same fucking joke every day!

>>5818374
You weren't born with your name, faggot.

>>5818449
I used to work as a cashier, and this happened to me at least fucking twice a day
and then when I first started I had a "training" sign and about 10 people went "training for what? THE OLYMPICS, AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA I AM THE MOST FUNNIEST ORIGINAL FUCKER CUSTOMER YOU WILL EVER MEET AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA"

>>5818450
they could have been

Oh my shit are you right! Fuck. Other thing that pisses me off is when hunting for a PLU the shitfuck customer says, those are 2.93 a pound or whatever the price may be, well fuckstain I don't rightly care, now get an apple with a sticker. Prick. Or when I check bills and they tell me that they just made it. Hurr durr die.

I work at a gas station.

Me: hello
guy: You that guy!
Me: what guy?
guy: the guy who knows everything!
me: ah... yeah, I'm that guy
guy: tell me something
me: *contemplates* George Washington was never elected by an electoral college. Which means he was not our first legitimate president. John Adams was.
guy: You are that guy! I heard you know a lot about religion
me: yeah, I do
guy: Could you tell me about Sikhism
me: Yeah, sure. Its pretty interesting really. Sikhism was founded by guru nanak. Guru Nanak was born near lahore pakistan. his father was hindu but his mother was muslim. Some say the inspiration for his beliefs came with a hope of uniting the philosophy of Muslim and Hindu teachings.
guy: So, how does this connect to zoroasterianism.
me: Oh, well, it doesn't really. Zoroasterianism is arguably the first monoatheistic religion which was founded in india. etc. etc. etc.

(3 hours later, after discussing everything from peronism to how he was abandoned by his mother and lived with his grand parents at 15)

guy: man.. I need some sleep
me: alright, thanks for the cigarette
guy: here, have one for the road. We should hang out sometime.
me: sure
guy: heres my number
me: got it. well, get some sleep.
guy: yeah, you too man.

(I never hang out)

>>5818564
ugh, I hate when they do that as well. Whats worse is that the whole concept of a plu is completely beyond them despite the fact you use them yourself if you ever bought a damn apple.

I've always thought "No worries" in Australian was a useful phrase, because it can be used as a response to "Thanks".

I know you could use "No problem" in American, but everyone seems to just say "Yep" and it seems a bit awkward.

Is that just lost in translation or would Americans call:

1: Here you go
2: Thanks!
3: ... Yep

An awkward exchange as well?

>>5818564
oh fuck that shit, god damn fucking people should know you need the fucking # or the shit you scan

>>5818610
we say no worries in america. The response you get usually depends on the type of person. White girls tend to say "thank you!" or "have a good day!" because they have to be ultra nice since they work as a phone representative.
tired people say "... yup". While average people will pretty much say anything. People from the city (i work just outside of the major city) will say "be safe" and some black people will say "be easy"

>>5818654
Or tip the brim of your hat while holding wide-open eye contact.

I'm American. I've never met any other American who says "No worries" that I wouldn't want to kill by beating them on the head with a shovel. Drives me up the fucking wall.

Cashiers should legally not be allowed to talk to you about the stuff you buy.

Me: BITCHES LEAVE

*customer walks into coffee shop with lit cigarette behind back
cashier: sir you cannot smoke in this shop please leave
customer: i want a coffee can i have one
cashier: go outside and put your cigarette out first
customer: make me a coffee!!
me: put the fucking cigarette out or leave, deadshit
*customer looks at me and walks out

i'm a stock manager at a night club and i usually have a radio earpiece on. it has saved me more than once, people see it and crap themselves even if i'm out getting a coffee down the street and nowhere near my workplace

cashier: how's your night going
me: great
cashier: no signing for debit
me: whoops
cashier: have a nice night
me: good night

>>5818610

American here: I almost never say "You're welcome", and pretty much use "no problem" for everything. It's a habit.

>>5816621

Haha I can relate,

I used to work the Beers, Wines and Spirits section at a Sainsburys (Englandland). Every so often, you'd get some old person demanding something I honestly don't have.

"WELL THE SAINSBURYS AT XYZ HAS IT!"
There's nowt you can say, but inside you're bursting WELL GO THERE YOU FUCKING MORON.

Also had one ancient couple, come in asking for the real nasty 99p shop value beer, its gone up in price like 30p and they threw an absolute shitstorm. "WELL YOU JUST LOST YOURSELF A CUSTOMER OF 30 YEARS!!"

-coolface

I work overnight at CVS. I tend to keep it simple.

Me: Good evening/morning
Customer: Hi
Me: [the price of what they bought]
Me: Have a good one.

If they start yapping about their mother, shit in the tabloids, their cancer, I just say vague filler statements like "Yeah, it happens."

Also IF YOU THINK YOUR FUNNY BY SAYING I JUST MADE THAT MONEY BEFORE I CAME IN WHEN I CHECK IF ITS FAKE YOUR ARE NOT ORIGINAL IN THE LEAST BIT DIE IN A BUILDING COLLAPSE

>>5816880
Gave you her number so she gets a good report.

>>5818952
how does an earpiece save you and make people shit themselves???

>>5817614
oh man i laughed so hard it hurt my stomach
>>5817775
why the fuck do people buy that fucking peach juice? why the fuck would you go to tim hortons for watered down peach juice, fuck

Generally whenever someone asks how I am I just say "fine" and that's it. I've tried "I'm alright, how are you?" and most of the time the fuckers never say anything. So I'm not going to put the effort in.

Me: NYARRR!!!!
Cashier: NYEEEE!!!
Me: BLARRRGHH!!!
Cashier: FAW FIDDY.
Me: NYUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
Cashier: NYARRRRR!!!

>>5819061
This.
At my work I have to check every bill,
THEY ALWAYS FUCKING SAY THAT, OR SOMETHING LIKE THEY HAVE A GOOD PRINTER AT HOME OR SOME DUMB SHIT.

They make me want to punch kittens.

And when costumers ask what that machine is for (the money checking device), I always say it's a paper shredder.

I require more awkward cashier-customer tales.

I was spending Thanksgiving alone at my dorm because my parents didn't want to pay to bring me home. I went to buy some cookie dough ice cream and oreos so I could have a little Thanksgiving dinner.

Fat Cashier(sees my shit): WHOA THIS GUY KNOWS HOW TO PARTY! YOU'RE MY KINDA MAN!
Me: *walks out of the store without buying items*

cashier: how's your weekend going so far?
me: ah not bad, yours?
cashier: well, working, but i get off at 10
me: oh righton
cashier: what are you doing tonight? (passes beverage)
me: ah not a whole lot. well, bye.

remove self from location..FLEE

Phone conversation when I tried to open a bank account online

Her: This is bank blah blah, how may I help you?
Me: Yeah, I was told to call about my online bank account...
Her: I see, and what is your name?
Me: Anon Anonymous
Her: And do you have a confirmation number?
Me: yeah, it's 484684644
Her: Ok, well it seems we we need you to answer some security questions to confirm your identity
Me: ...ook
Her: well, just waiting for the questions to load here...
Me: mhm...
Her: they don't seem to be coming up
Me: ...
Her: *Barrage me with questions*
Me: *answers*
Her: Well we weren't able to confirm your identity, you'll have to come down to your local bank and do it there. Thank you come again.
Me: ...


I mean wtf.

This girl had an empty line at her counter and as I was walking towards her, we made eye contact.

Then I walked past to the self check out counter.

*ding* A cashier has been notified and will be be of assistance shortly.

...

>>5820589

They ask you all the questions because they get rated on how much dead air there is during the call, too much and they get written up.

>>5816155

And now the rate of teenage pregnancies in your county will triple. Enjoy!

Cashier: Hi there!
Me: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
Cashier. O.O
Me: Oh sorry, didn't see your nametag there...Hannah!
Cashier: ...K so that'll be $6.
Me: Here's 4.
Cashier: Um...I need the other 2.
Me: Say please.
Cashier: Excuse me?
Me: C'mon Hannah...I only have 4...
Cashier: Well then I can't sell it to you sorry.
Me: FUCK YOU'RE A BITCH.

Yeah. Never take me grocery shopping when I'm high.

shit this just happened to me yesterday

so my friend is kind of one of those faggots who's into eating green and healthy and all that bullshit. so he comes over yesterday and i ask him if he wants to make a run to toys r us to see if i can find any games for their buy 2 get 1 free sale. he agrees to drive, but on the condition that we stop by the local health food market to pick up a smoothie and go drop off some recycling afterwards. i really didn't care, so i agreed.

he gets his kelp shake or whatever the hell it is and goes to pay for it up front. there's two open registers, both with fairly cute girls working them. so we pick one and we're just talking shit. i ask him what the hell a fruit leather is and he explains it to me and then decides to grab one. when it's his turn the girl grabs his drink and scans it and is scanning something ele when she says

"so what're you guys up to?"

and we just kind of freeze. it was completely out of the blue and caught us both off guard. we were silent for a second (i would later find out that we were both debating whether or not to reveal that we were about to head to toys r fucking us) and after a few seconds i manage to sputter out "uh...um just, y'know, gonna go do some recycling" (in my head i thought "what the fuck am i saying) and she just kind of smiled and waited for the credit card to be approved

and i'm thinking "fuck i fucked that one up" so i say "did i ever use the right verb there? DO recycling?" (just digging myself in deeper). she kind of chuckled at that and finally my friend joined in and joked about bringing recycling to the market. i think maybe the conversation was salvaged at the end but jesus fuck she just caught both of us off guard. we must have seemed like a girl has never even talked to us before.

>>5820717
I lol'd hard. Did this really happen?

Cashier: That'll be $5.48.
Me: Uh huh.
I hand them the money.
Cashier: And your change.
I leave.

>>5820729
That reminds me of something that happened to me.

I was at Thundercloud Subs with a buddy. We each bought two huge footlongs, so a total of 4 massive sandwiches. We intended to get baked afterward and have a feast.

Suddenly the hippy looking guy behind the counter is like "So what are you guys up to tonight?"

My immediate thought is FUCK HE KNOWS.

Me:"Uh..nothing."
Him: 'Nothing at ALLLLL?"
Me:"Nothing dude can we have our sandwiches."
Him:"Are you sure you guys aren't doing ANYTHIIIIING?"
Me:"Fuck dude, we're going to go smoke a massive bowl. Is that what you want to hear?"
Him:"No I was just making conversation."

Fuck that guy.

>>5820758

I lol'd. Cool guy is cool.

Try being young black male and visit of those 24 hours shops or a gas station in the middle of the night. I shit you not, at least 50% of the time they think I'm going to rob/kill/whatever them. If the cashier is female they sometimes seem to think I'm going to rape them before robbing them. Sometimes it's funny, but usally just annoying. For some extra fun, bring a couple of black or hispanic friends.

cashier : hi
hi : cashier
cashier : hi
hi : cashiercashier : hi
hi : cashiercashier : hi
hi : cashiercashier : hi
hi : cashiercashier : hi
hi : cashier

>>5820784

Hmm, I'm mexican and I've never had that problem, how do you dress when you're out and about? (I'm aware that clothing shouldn't matter, but you have to realize these cashiers have absolutely nothing to judge you by but your appearance)

>>5820834
Fuck, this is stupid, but I laughed.

cashier: how are you doing?
me: cheeeeeeetooooooos
*rings up my shit*
cashier: thank you
me: *omnomnomnomnom*

Waiter: Alright here is your food.
[gives food]
Waiter: enjoy your meal.
Me: You too.


...

>>5820897
Lol'd like a motherfucker.

>>5820857
Well depends. Somewhere from casual to stylish (depends on your definition of course) but in no way gangsta- or gang-like.
But being black my prime goal in life is of course defiling as many pure aryan virgin girls as I can with my massive black 15 inch rape-stick while robbing their parents blind. But only if I'm not busy selling drugs or mugging people of course. Or something along those lines seems to be floating in their heads.

>>5820963
wait...your dick is 15 inches? like really now?

Me (Also Cashier): Hi there!
Attractive male customer: Mmm.
Me: Uh... would you like a bag?
AMC: Mmm.
Me: Have a nice day then. (Smile, maybe wink if I'm feeling ballsy)
AMC: Bye.

Then I rage behind the counter while no one else is in the store because I'm not friendly enough to deviate from my usual "work-script".

>>5821016
Yes. This is perfectly average among black men in the US. Don't you watch any porn?

dude that cashier is fucking Fionn right now. you should have made your move.

>>5820758
hahaha owned. awesome.

I'm going to do the "careful, the ink is still wet" when they check the bill now.

So what about when you see the cashiers on an almost daily basis? I think both sides want to keep from having the EXACT same exchange everytime, but neither side still cares what the other person has to say. What then? I've had a few times recently the cashier jokingly say "nope" when I say I need some cigarettes.... I had no idea what to respond without being a dick. JUST GIVE ME MY FUCKIN CIGARETTES. But I can't hate, I understand the awkwardness of having the same conversation everyday.

/r9k/?

Me (i'm a casheir): Hi, how are you doing?
Them: Fine, you?
Me: I'm okay, do you like the new Primark?
Them: Yes, it's gigantic!
Me: Well, you seem to have bought alot. How's the weather out?

Goes from there :)

>>5821093
I'm gonna beat him up in the washroom later, no worries.

Weekly, I get high on cough syrup. I buy two big bottles of Robitussin. It's always the same goth girl. She always gives me the same look. Always asks me if I have a CVS card.

Guess what bitch?

I still don't.

>>5821154
Change your conversation to
You: The usual.
Cashier: 'Kay.
That's one that you can repeat many times over forever and ever.

>>5821154

You would then be allowed to set up "The Usual" and learn the guy's name.

"Be like morning XXX, just get me the usual"

>>5821139

"Fresh off the printer, how's the quality?"

>>5821179
you should hit on her. goth girls are freaks in bed.

i've been to my local jimmy john's enough to where a few of the girls know what i'm gonna get. they even write my name on the sandwich, which is cute

but i've yet to actually have a conversation with them. i probably should just so i don't seem like a standoffish prick. i should also probably ask them their names as well, since they asked mine.

i'll work on that for this/next week. for some reason i have an infinitely easier time talking to chicks when they are either waitresses or cashiers. i haven't the slightest idea why.

>>5821214
Unfortunately she's fairly chubby. Goth girls are my secret fetish.

There was a point where I was eating at Chipotle so frequently that I knew all of the cashiers by name.

Me: Hey Moosha, I'll have the usual. :D
Her: Hey Alden, want a drink?
Me: Nah, it's too expensive.
Her: Have it on the house. :D

Although I think I got this Russian girl fired for only charging me like 3 bucks a burrito. Feels bad man.

*Stoned as fuck at the grocery store*

Her: How's it going?
Me: Don't forget to ring up those eyedrops I have allergies this time of year.
Her: Yea I got them already. You're right your eyes are really red it must suck
Me: *Thinking to myself* Why the fuck did I say that now she is focusing on my eyes and knows I'm stoned as fuck!
Her: The total is $X.xx
Me: *Shouting* YOU CANT PROVE SHIT BITCH TRY AND CALL THE COPS THEY WONT DO SHIT!
*Runs out of store*

Cashier: ...
Me: *Hands over the fucking money with a grimace*

This is me
Cashier: Hello, how can i help?
Me: *Mumbles* i'llhaveacappuccinoplease
Cashier: Sorry?
Me: *Shouting* I'LL HAVE A CAPPUCCINO PLEASE
Everyone: *pic related*

Every time I've gone to like a Chili's or something stoned, the waiters always know. They always try to get me to eat so much and I just can't say no :(

On a related note I got banned from my local Wal-mart the other day. I pulled into a parking spot that had a cart on the curb in front of it. I get out and the retard that is gathering the carts ( Yes he is really mentally retarded ) tells me to move my car so he can get to the cart. I try explaining to him how exactly he could go about retrieving the cart without me moving my car. He just kept saying "You need to move that carrrrrrr". So I walked over the the cart and picked it up over my head and set it down in front of him and he pitched a fit and ran inside and told a manager who came outside and told me to never come on the premises again or the cops will be involved.

>>5821340
Email that story to WalMart and tell them how you were inconvenienced. They will probably have you meet with the regional manager and give you a giftcard or something.

They can't treat you poorly because of something their employee did. Corporate WalMart knows this. It will probably lead to that manager and that retard being fired.

Going to Mcdonalds and this fat black guy is the cashier

Me; Hey, can I please have a Big mac and xxxx?
Him: No
Me:...
Him:...
Me:What
Him: Just kiddin yo, I'll bring it right up
(both laugh)

That was actually kinda funny

true story, happened in south america

cashier:Okay, will taht be all? Need anything else?
me:um.. yeah ... do you have silk shirts?
cashier:Silk shirt?
me:Yeah...it's a present for someone ...
cashier:what's silk?!
me: Huh? silk! The things caterpillar produce ?
cashier:HA HA HA HA ! You are crazy! Such things don't exist!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Cashier: Hi :)
Me after a few seconds of realizing she's talking to me: ...Hello
Cashier: That'll be $14.50
I pay
Her: Do you want the receipt?
Me in slight, unnoticable panic: Uhm, no thanks.

Walking out of the store realizing I actually did want the receipt so I could see what everything costs and plan better for my next trip to the grocery store...

>>5821357
That is pretty funny and whenever my friends pull something similar, it just makes me laugh. But a cashier doing it would make me freak out/panic/get annoyed.

Walk into wal-mart stoned as fuck....

Notice the only checkout without a huge line is the one that has a hot girl from High School as the cashier. I take a minute standing out in the middle of the walkway to contemplate my options. I can either wait in line for 10min stoned and hungry as fuck or risk talking to this girl I know stoned as fuck. I choose to talk to her.

Her: Oh Hey Xxxxxxx long time no see.
Me: Yea it's been a while what up these days?
Her: *giggling because she can tell I am stoned*
Me: What's so funny?
Her: *While still giggling* nothing the total is bla bla
Me: Cool thanks
Her: Hey if you aren't busy later we should hang out or something...
Me: Um...maybe
Her: Writes her phone number on the back of the receipt.
Me: *Walks away* Fucking leeches not sharing my weed with this whore.

>>5821357
Lol, fucking black guys. I have been trolled by so many black guys at restaurants.

I saw a big bin of peanuts at a burger shop with a scoop next to it and assumed they were free. I started to get some.

Big black guy: HEY ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR THOSE MAN?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry I thought these were free.
Him: ....
Me: I'll put them back if you want.
Him: I'm just jokin' playa, those nuts are free!
*laughs*

>>5821381

Ah... black people. Having one around is the ultimate cure for social awkwardness. It's impossible with one of them guys around.

>>5817775

CORNER NIGGA

unlike

>>5821381
>>5821357

just-fuckin-wit-ya nigga

>>5821381
good natured black dudes with an awesome sense of humor are the best

oh man i worked as a till monkey for 5 years. i should have won awards for my customer service, i was the fucking bomb at that job

me: [big grin] "hello there, need any help with your bags today?"
customer: "no im fine thanks. [90% of the people i served were old ladies. the other 10% was random teenagers, or middle management types. alot of the old people would say this to me:] wow you have a nice welcoming smile young man!"
me: [laughing] well thank you very much!"
me: thats XX pounds altogether then please, any savers stamps? / any cashback today?"
customer: "no thank you"
me: ok theres your receipts and change. thank you very much"
customer: "thank you, see you soon"

the customer would also talk any shit they could come up with.

i had a crazy lady who whenever she came in had really wet hair, all the time. she also always bought like one or two bits of food but 4 bottles of cider, and paid with change. trying to hide the face shes an alcoholic.

or the "holy shit that dude is totally fucking badass" dude who was about 40 years old, with long hair in a ponytail. he walked with a cane, but had tattoos all over his shoulders, down his arms and up to the knuckles on his hands. he had about 6 piercings in each ear, and wore a leather jacket. this guy just radiated badassery, its hard to describe.

i have all sorts of stories from that place

I love trolling bitches at the store. I am 23 but, I look around 16. I walk into the Liquor store and pick up a 6 pack of Rolling Rock. Cashier isn't great looking probably a 5/10 and doesn't get hit on much.

Her: Do you have your ID?
Me: Yes I have an ID?
Her: Wow you look really young....
Me: Yea I know I get told that all the time.
Me: *under my breath but, make sure she can kinda hear it* Damn Julio you did a good job on that ID.
Her: What?
Me: Oh nothing.
Her: What do you mean Julio did a good job on this ID is it fake?
Me: No it is a real ID I use it all the time
Her: Oh well have a good day
Me: It is night time....... Or do you mean have a good day tomorrow? Or can I cash in that "Good Day" some other time?
Her: Have a good night and a good day tomorrow
Me: I would rather have a good night tonight rather than a good day tomorrow so I think I will just try for that.
Her: Well you have beer so tonight will probably be alright at least.
Me: Maybe.... I take the receipt and write down a friend's number on the back and "Hit me up when you get off" then walk off without letting her say anything.

Around 11 my homie who is drinking with me gets a text from her "Hey you still awake? What are you doing?" He asks her who she is and she replies "The girl from the liquor store remember?" He had been to the same liquor store earlier that night and remembers her and starts talking to her through text messages. She wants to come over to his house to hang out and he invites her over. I tell him I need to head out because I have work in the morning. About 1hr after I leave I get a text from him "What the fuck lol"

I was visiting my father at work, so we ate at the hospital cafeteria. It's actually quite nice.

Cashier: SUP.
Me: Yes, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, please.
Cashier: YO. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT HAT?
Me: Huh? Me? (I was wearing a Yankees hat)
Cashier: YEAH.
Me: Oh. They're my favorite team.
Cashier: YOU FROM N-Y-C?
Me: No, but most of my family has lived there at some point in their lives.
Cashier: OH. YOU'RE COOL, MAN.
(I take my order and walk away)
Cashier (laughing to his co-worker): MAN, WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT? ACTING SCARED AND SHIT...

I raged silently.

This thread was a good time. Archive. Need more requests bros

http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/main.php?mode=submit

>Me: It is night time....... Or do you mean have a good day tomorrow? Or can I cash in that "Good Day" some other time?
Her: Have a good night and a good day tomorrow
Me: I would rather have a good night tonight rather than a good day tomorrow so I think I will just try for that.

Oh wow you're a complete tool faggot!

>>5821628
>I would have just walked out saying thanks

>>5821640
Well I definitely wouldn't have tried those gay ass awkward lines out. Also its funny because right after the story goes into typical delusional /r9k/ fantasy land

>>5821377
>>5821377
lol, nigga, u paranoid!

>>5821223
>>5821223
its probably because you dont expect a girl on shift to have expectations about guy, or maybe its just that not being in a perceived social situation helps

>>5817875
>>5817875
only 4channer hate you
>>5817810
>>5817810
lold

Me:Hey Can I have 12 grams of cutter choice?
Cashier: Hmmm...do you mean 12.5?
Me:Yes

Next week

Me:Hey Can I have 12 grams of cutter choice?
Cashier: Hmmm...do you mean 12.5?
Me:Yes

Next week

Me:Hey Can I have 12 grams of cutter choice?
Cashier: Hmmm...do you mean 12.5?
Me:Yes

Next week

Me:Hey Can I have 12 and a half grams of cutter choice?
Cashier: Are you sure you don't mean 12 grams?
Me:ohyou.jpeg

>>5821661

I giggled like a little school girl.

cashier: how are you?
Me: -mumbles- alright, you?
cashier: silence
me: silence
cashier: have a nice day
me: you too
I wish people were more friendly :-\


I think once I lose weight and shave my neckbeard, people will be more social! 8)

>>5821661
wtf is cutter choice?

*Searching for the PLU Code for a weird Produce Item*
Customer: THEYRE $1.29 A POUND
Me: I know I just need the code..
Customer: THEYRE $1.29 A POUND
Customer: WHAT DO YOU THINK IM LYING
Me: ....

also;

*me trying to get retarded UPC to scan*
Customer: That must means it free!!!! LOL!!!! XD!!

also;
*Finish checking customer out*
Me: Have a nice day.
Customer: Oh wait..I had these coupons too..
Me: Oh I'm sorry, you can go to the service desk and they'll work it out for you though.
Customer: YOU WANT ME TO GO WAIT IN THAT LINE? I JUST WAITED IN THIS LINE, I'M NOT MOVING ONE INCH UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING COUPONS TAKIN CARE OF.

also;

*Customer hands me coupon for a same brand but different type/flavor etc. of an item they have*
*try to ring it up, doesn't go through because it's not the right item*
Me: Sorry, you got Garlic Ranch Wheat Thins, this coupon is only for Organic Oregno Wheat Thins.
Customer: THEYRE BOTH WHEAT THINS WHAT THE DIFFERENCE THE COUPON SAYS RIGHT THERE ANY garlic ranch WHEAT THINS. IT SAYS ANY WHEAT THINS RIGHT THERE.

I work part-time in a charity clothing store.

Bunch of teenagers stroll in: Hey bro did anyone die in these clothes hur hur hur?

Me: Hmm, not exactly, but that suit there belonged to a man who died of cancer and those three dresses in the corner belonged to a girl who committed suicide.

Them: ..Oh. And you're allowed to sell them?

Me: Haha, nooo not really, but no one ever really asks. What they don't know can't hurt them, eh?

Them: ...

Me: Anyway guys, you're kind of blocking the entrance, so can you either move or leave please?

They leave and start crossing the road, one of them turns and sees an old lady about to enter the store and he yells "I wouldn't shop in there, lady! They sell dead people's clothes!"

cashier: did you find everything alright today?
me: yea i did, thank you
cashier: *rings me up* this...this can't be right
me: what?
cashier: it's...it's over 9000!
me: 9000?!

and then the cashier was vegeta.

her: will this be cash or credit?
me: -jizzed in my pants-

>>5821381

5 guys is the greatest place on earth.

>>5821781

christopher?

familyblox

>>5821671

OCB Aldren is that you?

*Cashiering a huge order*
*Bagger abandoned me*
Customer: AM I GOING TO HAVE TO BAG THIS SHIT MYSELF?

>>5821765

I want to have this conversation at least once in my life.

I think i'm just going to be an asshole to the cashier from now on.


atleast they won't make me feel inferior...

>>5821749

Wanna explain the PLU code thing to me? I always just assumed the code was there because cashiers couldn't be bothered to remember the price of everything.

Inventory?

>>5821853

this is not 1865. the prices of everything can change on a monthly or weekly basis. promotions are frequent. and sheer variety of items in the store make it impossible for a person to know the price of everything.

I used to work at a Dollar General, and we were moving shit around in preparation for Christmas. This fat middle-aged hambeast comes up to me and is very obviously angry.

Her: Why? WHY???
Me: What?
Her: Why do you keep moving shit around?
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, what can I help you find?
Her: I had to walk all the way across the store because you moved the candy aisle again!
Me: Yeah, well, it looks like you could use the exercise.

She reported me to my manager, but my manager was very cool about it. He told the woman that I would be "firmly reprimanded" and then we just laughed about it once the fat bitch left the store. I loved that job so much.