if your competition is a hot girl don't even bother

they'll hire her no matter how much more competent you are

Sit in a relaxed position, smile, use open, welcoming body language, use a positive tone when you speak. Overall, project a confident, positive image.

I find it's easiest to remain calm and relaxed when I'm confident in my ability - if I've studied the technical stuff, considered questions they'll ask, etc.

Also, remember that it's not hugely important to do well on every question. If they ask you something you don't know, don't let it affect you.

>>5302914

The very first reply is mostly irrelevant and absolutely misogynistic. What a surprise, /r9k/.

Before you leave the house, spend a minute in front of the mirror practicing your smile. This creates a positive feedback loop - seeing a smile makes you feel good, so makes your own smile more genuine, making you feel even better, etc.

>>5302878
Jack off before you leave. It's a proven scientific thing.

Offer sexual favours to those that interview you.

Winks and nudges accompanied by 'chk chk' sounds will make the offers come across as classy.

>>5302982

if that was all it took every chronic masturbator on this damn website would have a job

>>5302878
What kind of job are you interviewing for?

Study on the subject, they will ask you about your field. You damn well better know.

I'm in a similar position as OP except my interview is Friday, and I smoked a bit weed last Saturday. Am I fucked?

Dress one level above the position you're applying for.
Show up a little early.
Don't let your guard down.
Look at a list of common interview questions and think up (or make up) some good answers.

>>5303048

Nope. don't worry about it. i've never heard of drug testing at the first interview. maybe at the later stages of the process ...... actually i have no idea. you may be fucked.

>>5303048
It depends on the place. Best Buys does drug testing but, Burger King full of pot heads.

Make sure to get your dick out.

Might as well put 'em in their place, right?

i have an interview in a couple of weeks.

what should i do with my beard? i've got full on thick Billy Mays style manly beard and i'm really happy with it.

should i shave it off? keep it? do people look differently at dudes with thick beards?

>>5303188
Just make sure it looks well-groomed and trimmed. A nice beard can be hella sexy.

I once blagged my way into a job interview with a CV full of lies. I turned up at the interview and I was sure they'd figure me out for the fraud I was. Instead I end up having a long conversation with the interviewer about motorcycles because that's a common connection I found with.

They called me up the next day and told me I got the job.

TLDR: Talk about motorcycles.

this entire thread has /adv/ written all over it.

>>5303495

too bad there's no such thing

Learn how to talk without Umming or stuttering.

When asked a question don't answer straight away. Think for 5-10 seconds (even if you don't need to) and then proceed with your answer. They'll see that you're quite a deliberate person and willing to think things through.

You can do it man. Just know deep down that you can do the job and you're the best man for it. It'll shine through in the way you answer and interact with them.

Don't see them as interviewers, see them as people you're going to have to work with from now on and then make them comfortable as well. Being an interviewer isn't an easy thing because a lot of money is spent by companies when they're doing job searches. If they fuck up and hire the wrong person and it doesn't work out, their ass is on the line. Give them confidence in hiring you.

>>5303788

great post! i'm copying and pasting this in a text file so i can keep it for the future. makes me feel better already.

Good luck OP, I've been embarrassing myself at interviews right and left for the last two months so my advice wouldn't be much help. Just hope your competition is some awkward fuck like me

Keep in mind that you'll only get an interview if you are qualified for the job. They know that people get nervous, and that's okay. They want you to do well, so just relax.

And remember, even if you screw up, you still have a good shot at the job if you are qualified.

Eg. one interview I had, I was completely unprepared. I knew next to nothing about the company, I got the technical question wrong, I gave poor answers to some questions. I still got offered the job.

Another interview I showed up ten minutes late. I got offered that job too.

Bottom line: if you get an interview, that means you are qualified for the job, and you have a very good chance of getting an offer.

>>5303950

Continued thanks! I'm getting more and more hopeful about getting this job.

Ask really personal questions about the interviewer when they ask if you have any questions. This will really help you get your foot in the door.

>>5304088

Do you keep your vagina lemon fresh?

go for a run beforehand (then have a shower) gets rid of the adrenaline rush and will help u think clearer. Its also a good point of discussion 'so what have u been doing today' 'i just went for a run, cause im not a lazy fuck etc'

>>5303883

Cheer up man! The fact that you've been getting interviews at all is a great sign. You'll find a job soon enough, just keep applying.

I remember my first interview.

I went in trying to be confident, and not nervous, even though I was basically horrified. I answered the questions quite personally, and honestly..

This is how I found out one should never be too honest.

You guys get called in for interviews?

Be confident. Walk in there knowing that you're going to leave with a job.

shameless bump

blowckm00tyeah!

I suck at job interviews. When I send my letter I always get invited everywhere, but I get rejected after the interviews. And that for jobs where I only have to write.

One even dared recruiter even dared to say that the reason for my declined was that I wasn't very good at a certain subject, while it was my favorite subject and knew fucking everything about it.

>>5304915
I raged, hence all the typo's :p

I had an interview 2 weeks ago, got the job and found out I out competed almost 100 applicants. I read 2 books on interviews beforehand, so if OP you are still here, listen to what I have to say. this is a summarized version obviously:

1. They are interviewing you for things:A) Professional Skills (Education or real life experience), B) Organizational skills (Time management and shit) C) People skills D) Likability

They will have a first impression of you within the first 5 minutes, and all the time after that is just them trying to justify their first impression of you. So you must make them LOVE you within the first 5 minutes, that's D) Likability. Of course, if you are completely unqualified, unless the interviewer is really biased or doesn't care about the company, he will not hire you. You SHOULD have the proper skills to do the job or you shouldn't be applying in the first place. Organizational skills is a easy one, just tell them you PRIORITIZE (make sure you say this word) and take the INITIATIVE (say this word too). People skills, you can say you've interacted with a lot of people on the phone or online etc. Of course if you are a socially awkward virgin like most of us are, you need to try harder to convince them for this one.

Out of all of them I think likability is the most important because everyone who applies is likely qualified. You want to build a rapport with your interviewer very early, if he leans forward you lean forward, if he makes a gesture you do it a few seconds later, imitate his tone and pace of speech etc.

>>5304923
I understand.. my mother, who knows NOTHING about computers, was hired in tech support while I was rejected. I did a phone interview and took a test to place my skill level, which ended up being the highest possible.. I got an email back saying "We are sorry to inform you that while you exceed the requirements, we are currently seeking other applicants" or something to that effect. I like to think I did well at the interview too.

>>5304915
People skills mean everything in this world.

At least you're finding that out early on in your career.

>>5305002
That's a good one. Mirror your interviewer, because human being naturally like people who are like us. If they're quiet, speak quietly, if they're more projecting, mirror that

>>5305051
Yes, mirror, but don't overdo it. I mentioned the mirroring because robots may lack people skills or a good personality.


For my interview, I ditched all pre-rehearsed speech and just talked like my normal self. I come off as an overly-enthusiastic and a little quirky, but intelligent ( I have the academic records to prove it too). They said I reminded them of a TV character.

>>5305002

Thank you, a million times thank you! I'll definitely keep that stuff in mind. I'm a pretty organised person anyway so I won't have any trouble with that part at least.

Cheers!

I've only interviewed for four different jobs in my life, and I've been offered every one of them. Three of them were in the past two months. Here is how:

- Be 6'1" with an athletic build.
- Be handsome (if I may say so myself).
- Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
- Speak in a firm, confident voice at a volume slightly louder than everyone else in the room.
- Smile with just a touch of arrogance.
- Have a firm handshake.
- Project the sentiment that you don't need these faggots' job because you already have many other offers.
- Be highly intelligent.

That's all I can think of right now. Shit works like a charm.

Oh and get this. During the phone interview he tells me over 200 people applied for the job.

So that means what? 20 got phone got interviewed? 50?

And now I'm going to the face-to-face interview stage so that'll cut down some more.

How many people would I be competing against now? They're doing the interviews over a 2 day period so that's 30-45 minutes each, I guess. Maybe 10 or 15 people?

FFFFUUUU. THIS JOB IS MINE. I'M CLAIMING IT.

>>5305170
If they're interviewing over two days, I doubt it would be more than 6 or so people.

The interviewers have better things to do than sit around interviewing candidates all day.

>>5302878

A 'trick' some companies use to see if you aren't a complete asshole is to look at how you to talk to the receptionist(or similar). If it's a larger company it's unlikely you'll be able to find the right room without asking, so you have to ask the receptionist or something.
Be sure to be nice to everyone there and greet them if you feel it's appropriate.
I'm fairly certain Shell uses this trick, but i imagine other companies do too.

have any of you ever been in a situation where all the interviewees are in a room together waiting to get called in?

you see it all the time in the movies but in all the interviews i've ever been to, this has never happened. not once.

anyone?

>>5305200
I was once, but then it was a group interview and we were all called in at the same time.

>>5305200
Once. Fucking Haggens. They didn't want me because I said I'd work 40 hour weeks and they're like "oooh you have to start off 20 hrs here, union lolz"

Thank god I have a real job

Do this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEwZ-1s9-SU

>>5305214
Yes, this happened to me as well. Fucking hate group interviews now. It didn't help that I wasn't qualified for the job at all.

Question: I know the full name of the guy who'll be interviewing me (let's call him John Smith).

He sounded really friendly tduring the phone interview and said "Alright buddy, I'll see you on Thursday."

So I'm wondering if I should be calling him Mr. Smith or if I'm in a position to call him John.

>>5305242
Mr Smith is more polite.

>>5305242

when you see him tell him he looks a lot sexier in person than you imagined he would

he'll love that

I recommend lighting a cigarette about halfway through the interview. At first they won't realize what you're doing but after a moment the squirrely looking guy with that really irritating way of talking will shriek that you have to put it out... NOW! This is the pivotal moment. You look him dead in the eye, and take a slow deep drag, and exhale. Then as the smoke drifts about you, say in a hard calm voice, "When I'm finished". At this the squirrel man and the woman on his left will go into hysterics. "Call security!" "How could we let this man get an interview?!?" "What a disaster! The room smells like an ASHTRAY!"

Meanwhile you should finish your smoke. When it's done take it and rub the cherry out on the table in front of you, really smash the butt into the wood. At this outrage the man will demand that you leave the room... NOW! Slowly get out of your chair as if to obey. As you do this the older gentleman in the suit that had remained silent until this point will put up his hand, instantly silencing the crys of both man and woman. Then, as they gaze in disbelief, he'll walk over to you and take you by the arm in his strong embrace. And he'll say, "I like you kid. You got spunk. I want you working for me." And kids, that's how you get a job.

>>5305266
Alternatively when they ask you to put it out you can just blow smoke in their face.

>>5305266

Hehe. Spunk.

Consider starting the interview out with a racist joke to help break the ice.

>>5305288
Here is a good one for you:
"Why did Hitler kill himself?"

"He saw his gas bill!"

I love this thread so much

lovebloxfdsdfdsfdsfsdfsdfsdfs fsaefwef wffe

>>5305152
>>Be white

Forgot that one.

>>5305327
If they weren't White they wouldn't be looking for gainful employment. :|

>>5305152
>Be 6'1" with an athletic build.

I lol'd.

The easiest interview I ever had was when I turned up and the interviewer was the campest, faggiest, gay freak who was dressed up in ridiculous clothes and because I didn't flinch or look strangely at him, he loved me for it.

He kept throwing me easy question after easy question with a smile.

He was my boss and I sucked his dick many times.

Good shit.

>>5305360

what in the fuck??

m00tblawk cos that's definitely been said before

>>5305152
or don't be a shitbag?

serious guys you can do it just harden the fuck up and take.

>>5305492

take what? a dick up your ass like the pussy you are?

>>5305435
he quoted a post and said something prior to:

I lol'd.

>>5305492
So instead of acting confident and secure, we should harden the fuck up and act like pussies?

Lol, enjoy your unemployment.

>>5305508

you're even more confusing, asshole.

this shit is making no sense

Best interview technique ever:

When you get to their offices, go to their toilet first and have a massive shit.

Then you'll walk into the interview while thinking "I just shat in your toilet motherfuckers, so you might as well give me the job."

Try blacking yourself up, I hear it's all the rage and sure to impress!

>>5302878

my only tip for you is to spend an hour or, before you leave, pondering all the gayest possible questions they can throw at you, and coming up with long detailed bullshit responses. Now some interviewers get cute and ask shit so stupid you can't possibly be prepared for it, but be fucking READY to answer the usual shit like "Why should I hire you?" "What do you have to offer to our team?" and all the other dumb bullshit they're gonna ask you