don't ever give a guy ass to mouth
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

> If you ever feel like you are wasting your time on something, you probably are.

OP you should follow your own advice about this failure of a thread

To bump a thread, put noko in the email field.

When coming up to a stop light that you know takes for-EVER to change, stop a couple car's lengths back from the white line. The stop light will think there are more cars waiting, and will thus change quicker.

>>5128576
>I ONLY KNOW HOW TO PUSH PEOPLE AWAY OH GOD ;_;

>>5128587
Really?
Does this work on all traffic lights? Like in small towns and what not?
I'm a bit skeptical..

Also, anyone after this post who doesn't reply with a life hack is a faggot.

>>5128587
How does the amount of cars affect the time it takes to change? Unless my city is further behind than I thought, I'm pretty sure traffic lights take the same time to change no matter what. Unless there's an ambulance or some other emergency shit.

If you ever get a carpet stain, just cut out the stained carpet and flip it over and glue the clean side down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2dfKm8XzSQ

>>5128637
It depends. Some lights have automatic timing, while others have huge wires underneath the pavement to see if a car is in the intersection.

NOTE: This sucks for bicyclists.

>>5128637
>>5128624
(some?) traffic lights have a neutral green position, leaving the most traffic-heavy street green and the lesser street red, until someone comes up to the red light. For horribly-designed intersections, it takes a while before the light to realize there's no one coming down the traffic-heavy street and lets the one car through.

It realizes this quicker when there are "more" cars stacked up on the lesser-traffic street.

>>5128685
holy craps, does that really work?

If you aren't terribly interested with a proper diet, starbucks throws out some high quality food. It's a good place to dumpster dive.

>>5128803

Yes it certainly does! Go for it. Also you are an idiot and I take great pleasure in laughing at your inadequacy.

This thread is severely lacking.
And I just realized I typed Thead instead of Thread. Fuck me.

Try hard in school. It really doesn't take as much effort as you think, and you'll end up not being a worthless dumbass who does manual labor for the rest of your life.

The guide to EVERYTHING:

http://members.optusnet.com.au/argyle85/index.html
/endthread.

Turn the shower temperature down really cold for a few seconds just before you get out, you'll feel refreshed and you won't start sweating as if you got out of a hot shower.

When you think you're in with a girl, think again. She's probably fucking an alpha male right now.

because getting life tips from 17 year olds is exactly what I come to r9k for.

H4CK MY 1IF3Z0R. FUCK YOU FOR USING SUCH A STUPID WORD

HEY GUYS I JUST TOTALLY HACKED MY DOG BY PUTTING A COLLAR ON HIM

When putting in an earring, or any ring for that matter, instead of poking at your ear with the stud, lick your thumb and index finger, or wet them with water, wet where the hole is, and put the stud in. It'll open up the hole so you're not fiddling around at it with the stud.

Cut your flesh and worship Satan.

Satanicbloxxx

The consequences and stress resulting from procrastination are ten times worse than just getting off your ass and doing whatever it is you're putting off.

Drink more water. A lot of it.

DON'T BUY YOUR KIDS THEIR FIRST CAR
Make them raise the money
If not all of the money, at least half of it.
Any kid who is just given a car when he turns 16 becomes a self-entitled snob. Any kid I have talked to who actually earned his own car is just much more mature overall and has more respect for things.

If you have a girlfriend and would like to keep her, before you go drinking with the guys shut your cell phone off and give it to the designated driver. Not so much so she won't call you, but so you won't call her.

Apply socks before shoes.

This will eliminate confusion and tripping.

Ever pop a zit only to have a red mark appear that's just as bad as the zit itself? Buy some eyedrops and spread a single drop on the red area. A lot of eyedrop brands out there (especially the cheap ones) merely have chemicals that shrink blood vessels, hence "getting the red out." After a few minutes of sitting on your skin, the liquid should help diminish the redness.

>>5129388
That was me.
My mom was always drunk, so she didn't really need it anyway.

If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.

Always keep a photocopy of the cards and IDs in your wallet. That way, if it's ever stolen, or lost, you'll not only know everything you lost, but also your ID numbers, as well as important numbers to call.

>>5129388
how do you afford a car without a car to drive to work?

There's a color code subtly incorporated through the bread tie to tell when a loaf of bread was baked. The color of the tie represents the day on which the bread was baked:

++ Monday - blue
++ Tuesday - green
++ Thursday - red
++ Friday - white
++ Saturday - yellow

use soda bottles or water bottles to store your toothbrush when traveling. It keeps your toothbrush clean and they are easily replaceable if you lose them.

>>5128699
FUCK YOU, BICYCLIST! Minneapolisfag here, and you asshats piss me off. One second you want to pretend to be a car and make those with jobs drive behind you at 10 MPH. But when you come to a red light, you dart diagonally across the intersection! One day I'll take one of your bitch-asses out with my car door. Watch out.

/rant

>>5129478

For the mechanically challenged among us, what exactly should be removed, and where exactly are these things located? Though it might suck if you dropped that little part while out.....

>>5129535
You should watch George Carlin's "What Am I Doing In New Jersey."

Seriously, go to google video, right now, and watch it. You'll enjoy the part in the fourth quarter where he rants about bicyclists.

>>5129707
Torrenting as we type. Thanks, robro

This thread is lacking.

>>5128685
>>5128803
>>5128922
Dont do this. Carpets are one sided. also facapalm

>>5129509


Holy shit. Woah.

>>5129388
That doesn't matter if you raised him properly until this point... A car won't change things, and if we was already spoiled this will make it even worse

come to europe
work for a while
get fired
live on euro socialsm monies forever
win

PUT TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET BEFORE TAKING A SHIT SO IT WONT MAKE A SPLASH!!!!!!!!!!

some copypasta:

If you ever had a toothache, it will drive you fucking insane.
The #1 thing you have to worry about is the enamel. The dentin can regrow. Enamel's made of hydroxyapatite, crystalline calcium phosphate. Traditional dentistry is to drown that shit in sodium fluoride and then go to the dentist to pay them big bucks to fix you up. As enamel becomes demineralize with age and eating sweets, it snaps off in chunks like the teeth of a meth addict or cavity starts growing. Within the last few years, there're new tech to regrow your enamel, with REAL CALCIUM PHOSPHATE.
dentist.net/amorphous-calcium-phosphate2.asp

1. Never never NEVER take shrooms for the first time on your own.

2. Don't smoke weed after taking shrooms, especially if it's your first time.

3. If a fuse in your car blows, you can replace it with anything metal that fits in the slot (eg. Ringtab from a can of drink, piece of wire, tinfoil)... especially handy when you're stealing a car, and some little cunt has taken the fuse to the fuel pump.

4. When writing an assignment, don't waste time reading the whole damned reference. Peruse the abstract and paraphrase from that. Markers NEVER check references closely.

5. Never tell a girl you love her... ALWAYS let her say it first... ALWAYS.

>>5129388
I was given my first and second car but I know my family is nothing like rich so I appreciate everything I have.

>>5132359
...cont.

6. If you're in a fight with someone bigger than you... fucking RUN.

7. If you can't run, go for (in this order..) eyes, throat, ears, knees, balls. Don't fuck about... jam your fucking thumb in their eyesocket, punch their windpipe, clap their ears, stomp on their kneecap (preferably whilst they've got weight on it) and collapse their knee, kick them in the balls... THEN RUN!

8. If, for whatever reason, you need to find a house to break into... case if anyone's home first by knocking on the door and asking if they've seen your dog. Once you've found one, break in through the back. Take only what you can carry... eg. Laptop, camera. Wear gloves. Be quick.

9. Moderate amounts of illegal money can be easily laundered at a casino (eg. $10,000-$15,000). Simply go to the casino, gamble $100, cash some chips at the end... and if anyone asks (ie. taxman), you won it at roullette. Casino's don't keep individual records, and they don't give reciepts.

10. You can be the worlds greatest builder of bridges. You may be famous worldwide for your skill at building bridges. In your lifetime, you may build the 15 best bridges on the planet... But... if you fuck just ONE horse, you'll be forever remembered as a horse-fucker.

Get a good intimate wash for your dick, I cannot stress this enough. Your dick will shine like never before.

Regular soap won't do.

>>5132467
What kind of soap should one use, then?

I almost never wash my dick with soap, instead I wash it rigorously with water - I'm worried I'll get soap in the opening (this hurts like a bitch, at least with liquid soap, haven't tried a normal bar of soap).

>>5132547
>I almost never wash my dick with soap

THIS IS THE REASON /r9k/ IS FULL OF VIRGINS.
THIS IS THE REASON /r9k/ IS FULL OF VIRGINS.
THIS IS THE REASON /r9k/ IS FULL OF VIRGINS.
THIS IS THE REASON /r9k/ IS FULL OF VIRGINS.
THIS IS THE REASON /r9k/ IS FULL OF VIRGINS.

the secret to a long term relationship, whether it is dating or marriage, is to cheat.

be smart about it. don't bring home any diseases or knock anybody up. you're playing with fire, for sure, but it's better to get burned than suffer the slow death of a frozen relationship.

>>5129535
FUCKING THIS
IT SHITS ME TO TEARS EVERY GOD DAMN DAY

>>5132445
>10. You can be the worlds greatest builder of bridges. You may be famous worldwide for your skill at building bridges. In your lifetime, you may build the 15 best bridges on the planet... But... if you fuck just ONE horse, you'll be forever remembered as a horse-fucker.

Not actually true. Gandhi gave enemas to little girls, Nikolai tesla was really fucking weird, Mother teresa was obsessed with being near suffering, so and so forth

really, lots of famous people have been really fucking strange.

If you're battling a cold and that sticky, vile, yellow/orange snot just won't come out and your sinuses are totally clogged - press your tongue hard against your palate and hold it there for a while. Repeat a few times.

The pressure shift in your skull will relieve those nasty headaches and make your snot a bit runny again so you can blow your nose.

>>5132614
>Nikolai tesla was really fucking weird, Mother teresa was obsessed with being near suffering
This is exactly WHY they're famous though.

>>5132614
True... but did any of them fuck a horse?

>>5132445
>Casino's don't keep individual records,

ohohhohohohoho, someone has watched too many movies.

Thinking about sex helps if you really, REALLY need to pee and can't find a toilet. (This one's mostly for the ladies.) The distraction is truly effective.

If you're having trouble hearing what someone's saying in a crowded room, turn your right ear towards them. Right ear hears language well, left ear is better at picking up music.

Pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth eases brainfreeze and rubbing ice on the area between your thumb and index relieves toothaches.

There's a whole list out there, these are the tricks I remember.

>>5132547

Just go to your local pharmacy or store selling soaps and shit, and look for something named 'intimate soap' or something like that. They're fatty soaps with a neutral pH. Shit does wonders.

>>5132658


Tesla was famous because he invented the radio, electricity as we know it, and the death ray.

mother teresa was famous because the catholic church needed a celebrity so it could seem cool again.

>>5132689
>Right ear hears language well, left ear is better at picking up music.
Really? I mean, really really? Because I never knew that.

life hacks: things everyone knows, but disguised as advice


>breathing is necessary for living

Some of the most common sources of headaches are sinuses due to pollen/molds/allergies. The other is minor caffeine withdrawal. The solution to both of these is caffeine, which is a minor stimulant and an active ingredient in many over-the-counter painkillers. Drink a coke, the one-two pick-me-up of caffiene and sugar will likely improve your mood and ease the headache.

Another effective solution is to simply drink water. Drinking water ( >20oz ) solves many minor discomforts and will usually leave you feeling better overall.

>>5129162
>Computers and Electronics
>Need high performance? Get as much RAM as you can afford, up to 512MB or 1GB.
>up to 1GB

Lol, what?

>>5128699
You can lay your bike down flat against the pavement (gently, obviously). The sensors measure voltage across a wire running an AC current buried a bit beneath the surface. When you expose more surface area to the wire, your bike frame acts as an inductor and creates a teeny tiny little voltage change. A car is obviously large enough to do this just sitting there.

>>5129454
It's the few minutes that is reducing the redness. Red eyes are like a dozen capillaries...inflammation from a popped zit takes far more blood vessels, and there's no way the solution is working its way through your skin that effectively.

>>5132624
This actually works better if you alternate between pressing on your palate and pushing with your finger right at the very top of the bridge of your nose. You're gently rocking the ethmoid bone which is pretty cavernous with sinuses.

Also, contribution:
If anything you come across can be done in two minutes or less, do it right then and there. Never set aside a letter or an e-mail if replying will take less than two minutes, or put off a responsibility you can fulfill in that time. You'll feel more productive and you'll have less standing between you and important projects later.

>>5132658
>According to John J. O'Neill, author of Prodigal Genius, the Life of Nikola Tesla, Tesla told him this story in the presence of William L. Laurence, the New York Times science writer.

>Tesla had been feeding pigeons for years. Among them, there was a very beautiful female white pigeon with light gray tips on its wings that seemed to follow him everywhere. A great deal of rapport developed between them. As Tesla confessed, he loved that pigeon: "Yes, I loved that pigeon, I loved her as a man loves a woman, and she loved me." If the pigeon became ill, he would nurse her back to health and as long as she needed him and he could have her, nothing else mattered and there was purpose in his life.

>One night as he was lying in bed, she flew in through the window and he knew right away that she had something important to tell him: she was dying. "And then, as I got her message, there came a light from her eyes - powerful beams of light". "...Yes," "...it was a real light, a powerful, dazzling, blinding light, a light more intense than I had ever produced by the most powerful lamps in my laboratory."

>Tesla admitted to O'Neill that when that particular pigeon died, something went out of his life. Before that time, he could complete the most ambitious programs he could ever dream of but after the pigeon flew into the beyond, he knew his life's work was done for good.

Wtf Tesla. Srsly.

i have a pair of old ripcurl sneakers that tend to stink

thing is, they're really comfortable and after taking out the laces, was using them like slippers around the house

still, the smell was coming back every time i wore them for a couple of days

then i saw a life hack thread that said i should stick them in plastic bags, put them in the freezer overnight and that would kill the bacteria

did it recently and it seems to be working

thx anon, you're speshul

>>5128539

>>THEAD

wat

>>5129505
Uhh...you borrow your parents car to go to/from work?

Thats what I did when I was around that age, at least.

>freezer overnight and that would kill the bacteria

Sorry brah, freezers don't kill bacteria. They stop them multiplying or maybe freeze them completely but once what ever it is defrosts you're fucked.

Fridges on other hand only slow down multiplication

To eliminate acne rub salt (not salt with huge grains or something) on your face for like a minute or two, wash it off then apply baking soda mixed with water to face. Wait till it dries then wash it off.

Seriously, it works SO well.

>>5134402
yeah, i wondered about that because when i went angling we used to buy bags of frozen maggots which as they defrosted, came slowly back to life
was pretty cool

still, maybe the bacteria have been destroyd as my shoes now smell of musty gardenias

>>5133392
Yeah. In the country where I live, people drink coffee like water. If I skip my morning cup, I get headaches all day. Shit fuckig sux. That stuff is addictive.

>>5134402
It's possible. When ice crystals form they can do a lot of damage. Unfortunately, freezers are designed for food preservation, which means it doesn't go low enough to really get them forming inside the bacteria.

If it works however; it's more likely to do with moisture. Freezers are dry, so it probably does a lot to draw moisture out of the fabric. Then when you take them out, they aren't sweaty and disgusting, and it's a much more hostile environment for your microbial friends.

>>5134656
hmmmm, well the moisture might be quite low because i dried them out in the sun for a couple of days beforehand (i really like these sneakers).

tell you what, i'll bounce around in them for a couple of days and see how it goes

update you then anon


also, I AM DOING A SCIENCE!!!

>>5134402

Wtf are you talking about? You think shit just magically comes back to life once it's been frozen solid?