Stuff like that never works out like you want it to.

OP you are a massive loser

I would kill myself if I were you OP.

Good on you for not doing so yet.

erm

i felt a girl up in science lecture once? thats about the most cool/crazy thing that has ever happened in school career

OP, don't listen to the others. I personally would have laughed my ass off.

If you said Sparta in my class I would have punched you

Keep the internet online

In a highschool biology class, I hurt my finger and muttered a swear word. The teacher heard and thought the guy sitting in front of me said it, she dumped his entire pencil case on the floor (she was that kind of cool teacher).

When it became obvious that I was the culprit, she told me to pick them up. I responded with "Yus mastuh!" and started humming "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" while I picked up the shit she had thrown everywhere.

Surprisingly, she didn't get that pissed and everyone thought it was funny.

i would have shot you in the fucking face you fucking dipshit

>ITT: Times I was "that guy"

>>2735821
Light on the sauce there, pal.

there was this guy in my course who called himself 'redhatter' because he favoured the redhat linux distro. pretty standard shut in nerd; hairy, bad social skills, kinda smelly, etc etc etc. me and my friends made a stereotypical geocities website called 'I HAET SUTART' (his name was stewart).

it was pretty goddamn funny and spread around the course student body like wildfire. a week later we sat down to our course "introduction to html" and the teacher pulled up the website (with 'redhatter' sitting in the class) and proceeded to spend the lesson explaining what mistakes were made in the html of the site. was a great day me and my friends were in tears laughing about it.

names were not changed to protect the innocent, fuck sutart he was a faggot anyway.

>>2735746

tell the whole story broseph

>>2735777
300 exists outside of the internet.

>>2735777
THE INTERNET INVENTED SPARTA

>>2735777
Wouldn't want to take a history class with this guy.

>>2735942

"WHATTA YOU MEAN HELLENISTIC CULTURE NEWFAG THATS FROM 4CHAN LoL"

Back in high school, I was in class, sitting in the seat that was 2nd from the back of the row. I farted loud enough for the whole class to hear. Everyone turned around, so I turned around too. Everyone though the guy behind me farted.

It's the last day of school before summer, and I'm sitting in the backrow with my good friend Stijn. I'ts English class, it's hot as hell, there's no air conditioning, we're ready to get the hell out of there and go skateboard. I'm messing around with this liquid eraser bottle (we called it tipex, it's like white paint you use to erase spelling mistakes...) and I can't remember exactly, but I do somehow do the typical "salt shaker with the loose top" trick to my friend, and he ends up with a desk full of this tip ex stuf... I started laughing my ass off, but the best part was, that I was leaning back on my chair and was laughing so hard I fell back. Somehow I managed to blame that on him too, so not only did he "cause" this white paint to be everywhere, he also knocked me over. He wasn't laughing :)

>>2735985
Super smooth.

>>2735985

well done broskie

I was going to say something but I'm too embaressed, even though I am anonymous.

>>2735777
fuck you OP made a cool joke

it's not even internet based

even the freaking trailers had it

In tourism, we were doing this project for vacation spots. This group went up to present and told us about this place, blah blah, and how it was the worlds #1 spot for contracting aids. I yelled out, "Isn't that Africa?" Everyone laughed, even the teacher laughed and said "That was good." I felt bad because there was a black girl in my class.

>>2735994
this is stijn... fuck you dave.

>>2735985
Template for this thread.
ONETIEMIWASINCLASSANDLOL

My History class built a fort out of desks and chairs when the teacher was out of the classroom fetching something. We then locked the door and refused to come out. Luckily she saw the humour in it.

>>2735693

I would have lol'd hard, then proceeded kick every other classmate square in the chest for not laughing and bowing to your courage.

one time in a maths class at high school my friend josh was sat there eating paper (he wasn't just retarded btw... cant remember what started it off... but it was hilarious at the time)
the teacher started coming round and asked for our homework...
i went to find my homework...
but couldn't find it... and i was like... oh... it was right in front of me a minute ago...
josh, you seen my homework?
and he turned to me and was like... ummm...
i think i might have eaten it =/

we got kicked out for laughing too loudly and continued laughing out in the corridor for the next half hour or so lol
was probably the funniest thing that ever happened at school
trying to explain how josh had ate my homework was difficult

My Spanish teacher from 7th grade told us, after 9/11, and I quote: "You Americans deserved this."

None of the other teachers believed us, but she did eventually get fired for an unrelated similar incident I believe.

But still, you know, we really did deserve it.

Western Civ class. Our teacher had google maps showing us where Sparta and Athens were. When he moused over Sparta, he goes this is sparta. A kid from the back kept on asking what is that, until the teacher yelled "THIS IS SPARTA".

This didnt happen to me but at my university. Before class a stranger approaches some random group of student outside a lecture room and says he will pay like 5 bucks if one of them will put a cheeseburger (which he provided) on the professors desk.

So someone does it and class goes on like any other. Then in the middle of the lecture, someone dressed as the Hamburglar runs into the class yelling some stuff and steals the burger from the desk. Class had to be canceled because everyone couldn't stop laughing.

We used to have Mario Kart DS tournaments in English Lit every Friday.

Until my teachers husband got cancer, had his arm amputated and died. Then we got a sub teech which fucking sucked.

>>2735693

I'd like to see that just for the looks on other students faces. Nothing like screaming random shit.

Nothing crazy ever happened in my class. The school I went to was utter shit.

5 minutes before the health final ;
Whats a penis?

Q&A after AIDS lecture
Whats a penis?

Open questions after senior debate;
Whats a penis?

>>2736168
>>2736168
>>2736168
>>2736168
>>2736168
>>2736168
LOLED SO HARD YOU SIR HAVE WON THE GAME

The instructor I've had for about 70% of my classes is a very dry, calculating man. He's funny, and a good guy, but everything he does is pre-mediated and, well, I can't describe it.

My friend and I are both pretty retarded, and will go, "LOL FAIL" at each other all the time. During finals week, our instructor was talking to my friend, and he said, "You did a lot better on the final than Anon."

Because of his tone, I got worried and asked how I did. He turned around and shouted FAILURE at me. I was taken aback, and then I lol'd.

>>2736168
I'm still fucking laughing.
Hahahaaaa

>>2736259
is so much better than
>>2736168
because i've had teachers who are exactly like that

In the history class my teacher was doing an analogy about the reconstruction era in us history using black ants and this kid just blurts out whoa whoa whoa ants can be be red too, there was just this awkward silence for a few seconds, and in the same class he thought Lady Liberty was Queen of the Harvest

>>2736259
OMG LOL,RITE?

I remember one time, in a biology lab, the TA asked, "Dwarfism is a dominant characteristic. So why don't we see more dwarfs walking around?" and I immediately answered "Because no one wants to have sex with a midget."

Everyone laughed, and the best part is, it was a 100% correct answer.

There was an embarrassingly fatty naked guy at Iowa State University last year who streaked through one of the lecture halls wearing nothing but a leopard thong. It was during a major exam. Shit was SO cash....

College was full of cool stuff for me.
The best was probably one day in one of my Junior year embedded systems courses (might have been Sophomore).
Our proff was right out of the 70's, wearing pale patterned button down shirts and pastel cotton slacks. One day in class he's wearing a light green pastel pair of slacks that weren't apparently that thick.
The man was also known for farting in class. Front row was a death sentence. So on green slacks day he lets one rip towards the end of class, SBD, and continues the lecture, moving from the whiteboard to the podium. We see him scratch his ass at one point, and he moves back to the white board, and turns around to write something.
His green pastel pants hand a 3x5 card sized brown shiny spot on them. For those of us paying attention, we were struck with a hard decision of laughing or fleeing the room before the smell hit. Luckily the bell rang, he let us go and we had a ton of laughs in lab remembering it.

My english teacher in college/highschool (NZfag here) uses to wear very short shorts and had a habit of standing with one foot on a chair and rubbing his leg with his hand. one day he was standing there doing so and the girl next to him threw up. Found out later that his balls were hanging out.

Some guy at one of my lectures came in dressed as a knight, with armour and sword and everything. That was kinda cool.

>>2735866
ok.

i was in science class, just moved, this hot girl grabs my hand and puts it on her breast, im thinking "shes not wearing a bra :D" so i just kept feeling her up, so thats how i met my current GF. Hot brunette, russian too.

>>2736399

Fellow NZfag - we also had a teacher who was known for displaying his balls to the class.

Also a South African who took us for Health - and when discussing masturbation, finished with AND EACH AND IVIRY WIN OF YEW IS A WINKER

>>2736399

Oh god, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

>>2736399
Bahahaha which school was that?

>>2736488
He does have a point. And we had a gay man teacher as our health teacher. Oh god it was funny.

>>2736399
that would suck if a girl threw up because she saw your balls

Hey I'm kinda late but OP reminded me of a time i was with friends at the mall and we're about to walk out and start singing at the top of my lungs "SHE'S JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL..." and i paused hoping my friend would pick up but he didn't so I kept going "LIVING IN A LONELY WOOORLD" and some strangers started singing with me

My work on Earth is done, ya'll

>>2736541
What the hell? I do that all the time in the halls!

Are you a Canadafag?

>>2736399

That's from a friggen... YOU STOLE THAT FROM A MOVIE! One of those Scary Movie type things.

>>2736523

My health teacher (Catholic school) was talking about sexuality. He said something along the lines of "Which leads to a man or a woman being attracted to a person of the opposite sex." This kid Johnny then said "Or of the same sex, you know." 'Cause there were actually two openly gay kids in our grade (not dating, one was a gross annoying fat fuck and the other was a somewhat entertaining effeminate one). My teacher just says "Now, let's not get into anything WEIRD."

The whole fucking way he said screamed ignorance and gross'd out. I wanted to punch him in the jaw for being a stupid ass religionfag.

>>2736541
that's awesome. this world would be more hilarious if people just started singing occasionally.

>>2736390
More from my college:
-speech class finals involved the students to give 10 minute speeches. Halfway through one of my friends there's a loud snore and we look over to the prof (old crotchety lady) sitting in the back grading the speeches. She was out cold and snoring. I look to my friend who had no idea what to do - finish the riveting speech for the class on some boring as hell topic, or sit down. He chose the later and the class stayed in their seats whispering to each other for a few minutes before everyone left, with the professor sound asleep in the room.

>>2736168
one of the funniest things I have ever read

>>2736567
This should be a separate thread.

Everyone should have to start singing in public with a friend or two, then they post the results on /r9k/.

I was thinking of starting a "Subway Wave" club. You get on a crowded subway car with some friends and try to get the entire car to do a full wave.

Shit, I had a bunch of ideas for these spontaneous public activities. I'll write a list.

>>2736567
People do not like my singing generally, but I do it quite often anyways.

Waaaay back when I was a freshman in HS, we managed to get every single person in the
freshman hallway after lunch to sing Blister in the Sun.

It just started out as me and a few friends humming "DunDun dun doo doo Dundun dun doo doo." And gradually people started singing the words, "When I'm a walking I strut my stuff...." And then pretty soon everyone was singing "LET ME GO ONNNNNN LIKE I BLISTER IN THE SUN"

People were heard humming it for the next couple weeks.

>>2736555
>>2736541
canada fag here. this shit happens all the time

>>2736600
-One of our more eccentric profesors was leading us in a discussion on memory management in operating systems my senior year. She begins to talk about how the OS chooses which memory addresses to put things, and said the OS will choose the addresses with the most contiguous blocks. A couple of us look at each other, and shrug it off. She uses the word again a few moments later. My friend leans over and says "...Did she just make up a word?"
I respond "She has to have, I think she means continuous"
One thing to understand is it being our senior year we were all exhausted from weeks of little to no sleep working on our senior projects, so the littlest thing could set us off.
She uses the word again which makes me laugh a little, as well as the friend who asks about the word. The other friend who looked at me leans over and asks "...Dude, I think she made up a word. I think she means Continuous but keeps saying contiguous". This makes me laugh more, as well as the other friend.
A couple of others around us hear this conversation and chuckle as well. The prof hears us laughing and smiles, thinking we laughed at one of the jokes she mixes into her lecture.
She keeps using the word, and every time it makes the three of us laugh a little bit harder, until we start laughing at each other laughing.
Finally, the first friend leaves the room in a hurry after she uses the word again. Prof looks back and smiles again, none the wiser.
I'm in tears and she luckily doesn't use it again as we move on to another subject. We leave the classroom and head for the lab laughing like mad. On the way one of our classmates asks what's so damn funny, and we let him in the fact she made up a word.
He and another classmate look at us weird and he says "That's what you guys were laughing at? You realize it's a real word, right? Dumbasses."

There was this girl in my high school that was known for making stupid questions during classes.

One time, during history class, she kept asking one stupid question after the other, and arguing with the teacher for some stupid reason. Eventually the teacher just got so frustrated that he shouted "LOOK, JENIFFER, JUST SHUT UP".

Everyone stood silent for a second, and then a stoner kid that was sitting in the back burst out laughing. The girl that had been asking the questions started crying and ran out of the class, at which point the rest of the class also started laughing.

I had a gym teacher who was the funniest fucking teacher I've ever met. During Health class, an std "expert" came in and talked about stds and such. The entire time he was shaking his head and doing the "sucking a dick" motion. Just one of his hilarious moments.

>>2736541
i used to be a teenager too...good times

Back in sophomore year in high school, it was raining outside and the window fogged up. So my friend writes "LEMONPARTY.ORG GO THERE". After the lesson started and the room was dead quiet, we hear two "AW WHAT THE FUCK THIS SHIT IS MAAAAD GAY" etc. turns out it was two kids in the back on their sidekicks, no surprise

Grade 10 Science.

It's the beginning of the year, so the teacher has to explain that safety shit in the class. She gets around to the eyewash station.
"If you get a chemical in your eye, come over here, and push the lever."
She pushes the lever and the thing shoots water at full blast. She panicked and couldn't figure out how to get it to stop, so she runs out of the classroom to get the french immersion science teacher (canadafag). The teacher comes in at full speed, slips on a puddle on the ground and lands flat on her ass.

Epic lulz hastily ensued.

My Sophomore (high school) English teacher was fucking hilarious.

She was going over the different symbols in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, pretty deep stuff, y'know?

Then she flows right into "And there's his boxer's, the ones with Moby Dick on them. They're symbolic, too. That's why he tell Big Nurse about them. Get it? 'Cause he has a big dick."

>>2736168
This is the funniest one so far.

During English class, the teacher was discussing about what colors are used to represent what, etc. and asked the students to mention phrases or titles of things that had the word black or dark in it. One of the students, who had a very heavy Hispanic accent, said "Black Pitch" but the way he said it made it sound like "Black Bitch". Everyone started laughing, and the teacher asked what he was trying to say. It turned out that he had meant to mention the Vin Diesel movie "Pitch Black" but had gotten the title mixed up.

Sophmore year, the english teacher made us watch the joy luck club in order to teach us about authentic vs fake power or some bullshit after she got yelled at by the principal. During the movie she would grumble about how she had bigger breasts than the chicks in the film.

My physics professor and I were working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, I said "Wait, professor. What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And my professor responded, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

>>2736168
God, this is fucking hysterical. I am laughing very hard, no joke.

my freshman year english prof. threw a chair once to prove a point...and it broke.

>>2736670
That teacher is my hero. More teachers should be like him.

>>2736664

You do realize it's a real word right?

>>2736774

:DDD I remember this.

My Calculus teacher is kinda crazy. He looks like a koala when he smiles.

One day during class, we were doin' work and he was standing up in front of the blackboard, facing us, clapping his hands every 2 or 3 seconds. After about 5 or 10 minutes, someone near the front asks "What are you doing?"

He replied solemnly, "I'm playing my cymbals. I'm in a marching band. Quit distracting me."

>>2736830

You did read the whole story, right?

>>2736774

lawl, dexter's lab

When I was like, 15 yo (now Im 24), during biology class the teacher was explaining some shit and said why semen tasted salty (or the other way around, I dont remember).

At this point, one girl raised quickly her hands and corrected him saying that she was positively sure that semen was sugar flavored (or the other way around).

The fun thing is that she seemed oblivious to why we were laughing so much.

>>2736830
Yes. Though at the time we didn't believe it and it became a much used jab at me and my friend for the rest of the year.
It was just funny with that after 20 years on the planet I had never heard the word and rather than think 'Hey this prof is using a word that's new to me, but surely more accurate than "continuous", I should remember it' I instead thought "Zomg, she made up a word"

>>2736871

The other way around? Why salt tastes like semen?

I had an English teacher my senior year who said that a mute was a person who couldn't hear, so you had to communicate with him via American Sign Language.

My friend and I laughed at her (we'd long given up on trying to correct her mistakes) but no one else seemed to even notiec.

>>2736881

I meant that I dont know what the taste of semen is, because I dont remember from that specific class (and since Im a guy, I never tasted cum)

>>2736902
>notiec.

Meant to say notice. Fail.

>>2736906

Ah, well, you had it right the first time. And you should know that either way.

>>2736906
what not even your own?

>>2736871

yeah bro I got that email too

>>2736906

You have not lived until you've sucked another man to completion.

>>2736949

What? Is it normal for a man to taste his own cum?

Please, answer, because 3 of my friends told me they did it and frankly I find it quite bizarre.

>>2736979

Im not a cumdumpster neither a trap, so it wont happen.

Oh, but I would gladly suck Alexia dry anyways.

>>2736036

Your teacher is awesome.

Every year my schools vice principal would do a speech on bullying that everyone had to attend. So everyone in my grade sits down in the amphitheater, and the dude begins his talk.

Half way through the talk, he starts getting really into it, and I noticed he had a vein popping out of his head every time he said "I, HATE, BULLYING!"

I burst out laughing and he looked right at me, so I shut up. When his attention diverted from me, I informed the people around me as to what was so funny.

This lead to everyone watching him profusely. He dropped the line again "I, HATE, BULLYING!" and when the vein popped everyone burst into laughter.

Unfortunately, he began to scold us for the next 30 minutes about how bullying isn't funny.

>>2737028

Moar like a /b/tard amirite?

>>2736541
First, what song is that?
Second, last Halloween I went as an emo kid, and my friend was in a gorilla suit with a cowboy hat. At one point, just to look stupid, I'd say I was a lumberjack and that he was a fireman. So we walk up to this person's driveway, and him and five other people, early thirties, are sitting there in their lawn chairs, and one of them asks what we are, and I give them the retard response.
He and his friends immediately start bursting into song, that 'I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay; I sleep all night and I work all day' routine. We spent the rest of that Halloween sitting on their driveway with them, drinking soda and singing as loud as we could.

>>2736871

Ok, the old story you're trying to recreate that never acutally happened to you is of the girl who exclaims, "Then why does it taste so salty?" after the teacher makes a remark about semen being some high amount of sugar.

No, that never happened to you. And you are quite clearly underage&

Probably the oddest teacher I've ever had was my grade 9 English teacher. He's Australian, with a heavy accent. I was an honourfag, right? So, this class has mostly serious people (at least, IN class - outside class 99% of them are fuckwits).

We were reading Our Town. A fairly dry read, but whatever. Anyways. He spent an entire class describing with gusto, motions, and a pervy smile the entire time, how exactly one scene was all about sex.

He's the most beloved teacher in the entire school.

One time my physics professor said something along the lines of "You guys sure do suck at Physics" and I yelled out "OMG I NO" in the exact way Tasteless does.

yeah.

>>2737076

No, my good anon, it indeed happened. But I dont really care if you believe or not.

>>2736871
cool urban legend bro

my freshman year of high school, my friend and I were the only two people in debate class. The debate teacher was also the speech teacher, and for the finals she had everyone say their speech in front of a camera, and the rest of the class had to watch.

Without knowing this, my friend had grabbed the camera during our class and recorded over the speech tapes by asking our teacher "Hey Mrs. Miller, guess what time it is? Miller time!". Apparently that recorded over a student's speech and was played during the class. Many lulz were had.

Another occurance:
My friend during my senior year was about 95% zoned out. He had a blank, but intense look on his face. The teacher walked over mid-lecture and shook him and asked him what he was doing. He responded with "shh... I'm pretending to be a jedi". I was the only one who laughed, but everyone else had that creepy look on their face...

>>2737038
I lol'd, hard too

>>2736997

Maybe its not normal but I've done it.

Not gay btw.

>>2737067

Don't Stop Believin' by Journey

you fail for not knowing this.

This is the best thread in a while. Kepp it up, r9k.

You're trolling OP, right ? Please..

My chem professor once accidentally said "The law of conservation of ass" once then after we loled at her gave us a speech about abstinence.

One of my English teachers hated our school because they wouldn't let him teach AP shit despite him being the smartest teacher in the school, so he just decided to ride that shit and have fun. My favorite was the time he went into the girl's bathroom afterhours and wrote on the wall that "Alison Kelcher is a cockslut" along with drawing some stick figure sex next to it. The guy was a genius. Also, Alison Kelcher totally was a cockslut. After I dropped out he and I still hang out. Such a badass.

>>2736563
>I wanted to punch him in the jaw for being a stupid ass religionfag.
>Religionfag
>(catholic school)
...
you honestly expected something else?

>>2736168
Something similar to this happened to my AP Calc teacher. He turned on his printer one day and dozens of copies of a paper with the Hamburgler on it started printing off. He still has no idea who sent them to his printer or why.

also, english class senior year. we were "acting out" Macbeth (Sit at your desks and read the lines depending on your selected char). I got a hold of the role of Macbeth towards the end of the play, and one of my buddies nearby got the servant i believe it was. I was getting into it because I get bored (nothing more than emotion in the voices. I enjoyed drama class my sophomore year and found lots of ways to apply it to life) and as the servant came to a fairly long line, my buddy was completely focused on it, as was everyone else. I, having already read ahead, slowly, quietly got up and moved to his desk, standing infront of it, my shadow being cast away from him. When my line came up, I read it, pre-empting it by slamming my hand down hard on his desk and reading "LIAR AND SLAVE!" as the script called for. EVERYONE jumped and laughed. Nearly gave a fatty a heart attack, and laughter ensued.

I loved that english class. my boredom was usually considered creative and entertaining to my teacher.

Junior year of High School.
Computer Tech class - A combination of the Networking and Web design courses with Computer Programming and Repair thrown in offered by a career center that partnered with the school.
Being that we did maintainence on the computers, there were cans of compressed air sitting around, free to use for cleaning. There just happened to be a stoner kid and acid freak in this class, who proceeded to suck down cans and cans of it. The stoner kid, after blacking out for an entire conversation at one point, realised that SHIT IS NOT CASH and stopped.
The acid freak however, did not.
This continued for about another week, until one day, he seemd to be hitting it extra hard. Apparently freon makes your voice deeper in the same way helium makes it higher, and EVERYTHING he said was in a super-deep old back blues singer voice.
The teacher didn't notice anything off.
The entire class, he was just slumped back in his chair with a stupid huge grin on his face, not doing anything other than staring at the celieng and occasionally hitting more duster.
At one point, he's so far gone that he falls out of his chair with the teacher standing right behind him.
She still doesn't catch on.
I should state at this point that he had one can in his backpack, and one in his shirt.
So this kid's just sitting there, absolutely out of his mind, a suspicious cylinder outline in his shirt, staring at the celieng, a suspicious KSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH sound every few minuts, and everyone laughing their asses off at him. The teacher was oblivious. Don't ask me how she was so stupid, but she was.
It was about this time that I had one of my trademark awesome ideas.

>>2737616
"Hey Zach", I said, "Next time you exhale, let me light it"
"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr Ok"
I don't know why, but I didn't expect him to agree to it, but given the oppurtunity, I Had to do it.
I sparked my lighter while he blew out, HUGE FUCKIGN MISTAKE.
For those of you unfamiliar with this shit, it's EXTREMELY flamable.
This kid shot a 4-foot fireball out of his mouth.
His eyebrows, facial stubble, and bangs were fucking obliterated.
Teacher flips her shit, come rushing over, asking if someone "lit a match" (lolwut)
The kid, still bent out of his mind, start trying to grapple with this. (I had since turned around and feigned innocence)
"UH UH I UH I WAS TRYING TO BLOW IT"
"Blow What?"
"IU HUH HUR WAS A"
"What Zach?!"
"I WAS TRYING TO BLOW MY KEYBOARD"

Fuck you robot this is too original.
>>2737621
It went on like this for a good 2-3 minutes, everyone trying to hold in their laughter, until him and the stoner kid who sat next to him were sent ot the office. Dragon-boy got a week OSS, and the stoner guy got 3 days ISS because he had a lighter on him.
Dragon-boy constructed the tale later that he was tryign to clean his keyboard and stoner guy was absent-mindedly flicking his lighter.
Stoner guy later did tell what actually happened, but I never got in trouble for it, and for some reason Dragon-boy got out of th theft charge.

>>2737631
actually, this story seems familiar to me. maybe you posted it here before.

My math class was taught by a TA one semester, he wore a gymnastics shirt, and the class asked if he used to do gymnastics.

He then proceeded to do a backflip in front of the class. Best math class ever

>>2737616
>>2737621
i get the impression the teacher just didn't want to know

xD

>>2737699

Would have been funnier if he cracked his head on the edge of the blackboard.

>>2737674
>>2737674
I'm pretty sure I have at least once before.
Still worth sharing.

My psychology teacher in 11th grade was the greatest. Most of that time in class we just watched movies. He was an old guy who took pain medication for his back that was prolly using "recrationally". He fell asleep more that once and made jokes like we were being split into groups of 2, but because we had an odd number told one group to be a threesome and a kid says "ooooh, threesome" and the teacher says "Pleas a threesome for you is when you use both hands" It was hilarious and another time we came into class and realized he wasnt there. Turns out at the end of 7th period (our class was 8th, the last period of the day) he left, thinking the day was over and didnt notice till he was halfway home

>>2737464
If the "why?" is a mystery, you obviously do not belong on 4chan.

>>2737456

Most of my teachers (I took AP classes, maybe that's why) weren't actually very religious at all and were pretty logical people. I think they worked there because all the other schools in the area were shit and filled with niggers.

>>2737674
same here, it sounds incredibly familiar... actually... yep, here it is, dug up from some archives.

"Junior Year, 1st year computer tech class.
By the end of the first semester (year-long class) about half the people had dropped it (BAWW C PROGRAMMAN TOO HARD) and all the people left were George, a burnout stoner, Zach, a kid who had become an barrett (blown out his mind on too much acid), Kyle, A Hardcore kid who did a lot of mushrooms, Alex, a general nerdy kid who did no drugs, and me, Doug, a fairly typical drug nerd (though I hadn't been before the class started, but that's another story entirely).

Anyway, we were getting near the end of the year, when we were supposed to start cleaning out the computers (dust, etc), so there were cans of compressed air about.

The George and Zach began abusing the stuff posthaste, and the teacher never noticed the cans going empty after being opened.

Now burnout stoner guy was pretty smart before he started doing drugs, so he maintained an almost average intelligence level, and kind of started to, you know, stop after a while, particularly after he and I had an entire conversation that he didn't remember.

Zach on the other hand kept at it, doubling his intake to make up for burnout stoner's abstinence.
He got pretty bad with it.
it all excalated to this one fateful day.
While the teacher was out of the class, He took 2 cans, stuffed one into his backpack, and the other into his shirt (!!!), and started hitting it hard.
By the time the teacher got back to class, he was already quite off his shit, and that only got worse as class went on. I mean, he was slumped down in his chair, with the biggest, stupidest grin on his face, just sort of moaning in ecstasy, and as I found out that day, the freon in compressed air makes your voice a lot deeper, similarl to how helium makes it higher, so everything he said sounded like fucking James Earl Jones."

>>2737931
(continued)

he got so fucking bad at one point that he was falling out of his fucking chair, even with the teacher right the fuck behind him, and he didn't care, he just laughed his retarded laugh.

This went on for a while, much to the teacher's confusion and everyone else's delight.

However, I had the retarded idea to ignite the shit he exhaled.
I knew the shit was flamable, but I never knew it was that flamable...
from the one little spark from my lighter, there erupted a 2-foot flame out of his mouth that lasted for probably at least 3 seconds.
The look of horror on his face, on my face for fear of killing someone, both were priceless.

The teacher fucking Ran across the room, and started Freaking out because of the massive fuckign fireball out of nowhere.
Of course, zach was still off his tits, so he was completely unable to speak whilst the teacher was questioning him (which was hilarious). The responses he gave were absolutely Priceless. ("I was just trying to blow it!" "Blow What?" "I was blowing the thing!", etc)

It ended up with zach and george getting office referrals, even though george didn't do ANything.
George got like 3 days suspension, zach a week.

I never got shit."

/R9K/ MEANS ORIGINAL CONTENT, GENTLEMEN.

I wish I had funny stories to share with you guys.
The best is probably that one of my teachers for Environmental Biology would tell us these facts like any professor - very serious about what he knew. Then he would; in the same voice, tell us that heaven was a cube that was going to fall on the middle east, and that zombies existed and he was attacked by one.

A lot of people in my class never knew whether or not to believe ANYTHING he said.

>>2738079

Dude. Zombies DO exist.

>>2738172

Yeah mang, I got attacked by a smoker, boomer, AND hunter tonight. But I managed to survive. We managed to sneak around the witch, but that damn tank killed me.

>>2735994

Stijn? Spreek jij Nederlands?

>>2738281

Barely even a reason to sneak around the witches. Bitches need to power-level them or nerf the players.

My catholic school wound up 2 million dollars in debt and had to close. for the 4 months of school left, no teacher had the interest in doing ANYTHING, as they were all losing their jobs in June. The few who still tried could do nothing as no detentions were being honored or checked or anything.

this resulted in great games like 'wait until the teacher turns around, then EVERYONE LEAVE THE CLASSROOM AS FAST AS YOU CAN.'

A senator scratched his balls merely 2 feet away from my face.

I've got one.

In my senior year of highschool we were studying air pressure in physics class. The teacher decided to give a display of suction in action by placing a cup of water at the bottom of a stairwell. Students would stand at the top of the stairs and try to drink from the cup with a really long straw.

Students volunteered to try and do it, none succeeded, and the teacher was looking bored. Towards the end of class the teacher says "no girls have tried to suck yet, any ladies want to try". No girls replied. He kept on asking and asking, eventually saying he wouldn't stop the stupid experiment til a girl tried. Finally, one gave in, and tried to suck from the straw. I've never seen a man in deeper lust. He was red in the face, sweating, stuttering. His eyes, totally fixated on her, I don't believe he blinked once. It was rather obvious he set up the experiment just watch high school girls suck on a large phallic object, classy guy. Though, I'm sure the guy students didn't mind either.

My senior year a race riot broke out because my english teacher thought we were mature enough to read something aloud that had the word "nigger" in it.
We were not nearly mature enough, at all.
I ripped a girl's weave out.
>:3

I was in orchestra (in b4 faggot etc etc), and we had a sub. He was conducting by tapping the conducting...stick.. on a spare music stand, and it snapped in half.

I lol'd.

Once I was in biology class and one of the science tables water faucet was standing straight up, pointed towards the ceiling. Me being curious, I turned it all the way up. Big Mistake. It blew a huge hole into the ceiling.

Greatest detention of my life.

the craziest and the stupidest crap happened this semester. the first day of class, our professor named mrs jones came to class with an indiana jones outfit and had the T.A play the indiana theme song. the professor started prancing around with her whip and crap for 5 mins. i thought this was a joke..like from a student, never thought a professor would go this crazy to entertain the kids the first day. i guess she wanted to get to know us better and introduce herself as well. all i learned was that she was a crazy lady and i got a C- in that class...bunch of BS..but i couldnt stop my self from laughter and shouting out what the fuck is this, shits crazyy pretty loud haha

I remember a teacher named Mr. Shapanski or something back in 8th grade. He would take the entire class out to the ocean on his giant boat, and we would fish for the whole day.

My theatre teacher, Mr. Held, was trying to make a point about us not rummaging around in the costume loft because it wasn't our shit and he doesn't go through our shit so we should respect that and not go through his shit.
Anyway, to drive this point home, he picks up the nearest purse, plunges his hand into it pulls out some tampons and goes "TAMPONS WHEE" and then just continues on with class.

This happened to a friend of mine in my class who tells this story any chance he gets.

Senior year of high school, AP Physics. One thing that he really loved to do was hand out pop quizzes and tests all the time. And what he really, really loved to do was walk around the classroom while we were taking the quiz and taunt us. Say stuff like "oh, this sure is an easy problem, isn't it?" or "Aren't you proud of me? I stayed up all night working on this problem because I knew how much you'd like it."
Anyway, we're taking another quiz and the teacher says to my friend "What problem are you working on? Oh that one? That's a Newton's Fourth Law Problem, isn't it?" Guy says sure, whatever. Teacher thinks he's got him trapped, says, "Now what is Newton's Fourth Law again?"
Friend responds "That would be 'Bros before hos,' sir."

The teacher didn't have any sort of comeback. He just sort of walked away and you could see on his face that he knew he had been beaten.

Id rather shit my pants then have to go through that, OP.

Oh man, this is a good one. My senior year I took vertebrate anatomy wit this psycho teacher Mr. Crane who looked like the bastard child of Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the muppets. He was like, bipolar and really depressed and shit, and there was this one nigger girl in the class named Jamesha and she would just talk the entire class about shit no one cared about to no one in particular, like no one was listening to her, but she just kept fucking talking.
So anyway, this fat chick is standing up reading like a riddle to the class for us to solve, and Mr. Crane already had the answer so he was ignoring her, and Jamesha is talking, of course, and saying "Yeah, its da weirdest fukken thing, muh aunts allergic to ketchup but not to tomatoes." and Mr. Crane just grabs the binder away from the fat chick and fucking SLAPS Jamesha with it.
It was the greatest thing I have ever witnessed.

i had this english teacher in high school who was like seventy-something. she was the nicest lady you could ever hope to meet. she was always just smiling contentedly, telling us how creative we were and how we should enjoy our youth and have lots of sex (one of the greatest pleasures in life, she'd say). pretty much everyone, for every assignment, just made up the silliest, most unrelated shit and got an A for creativity.

anyway, there was this one kid who everyone liked, but he was one of those real nervous kids. he was standing in front of the class, trying to get out this really serious speech he wrote. he just had terrible anxiety and could barely even look up at the class. while he was talking, this one guy went and stood behind the teacher and completely removed, as in took ALL THE WAY OFF, his pants. he was standing right behind a grinning old lady with his flaccid, hairy junk right out there. the kid giving the speech looked up and goes "OH GOD- oh- oh no, uh, uhh..." and then just buries his face in his notes and finishes the speech as fast as he could.

>>2738797
This reminds me of something that happened in one my AP physics class. The teacher was talking about upcoming tests and one dumb stupid guy that no one likes starts to complain about having all these tests, and my response to his whining was "Don't worry, it won't kill you, and if it does, no one will mind."

The whole class laughs, and my friends leans over to me and says "It's funny cause it's true."

i whipped my dick out.

I had a crazy Latin teacher who I still think is bipolar. First, she was about 6'6" and weighed maybe 130lbs, so she was tall and skeletal. She had badly died blonde hair that was down to her ass and spoke in a fake british accent (unless she was really angry, when her accent suddenly became southern). Her clothes looked like they were stolen from a store for hobo librarians. She had lots of mysterious scars on her sickly white chest and arms, so she looked like someone had carved a bony gigantess nordic woman out of provolone, but with lots of mistakes. She would frequently snap at us if we made small mistakes, that would turn into full -fledged tantrums where she threw chairs (wrestling style), beat her head on the walls and slammed books. Once, the French teacher came over to see that everything was fine and she immediately snapped back to normal and was all "oh everything is just chipper". When the teacher left I yelled out "oh wow was that the yelling police?" and her eyes burned at me with the hatred of a thousand suns.

Science. Teacher explaing metals conducting electricity, he pulls out a roll of steel wool and a big battery. He burns a tiny strand, burns it. Us 14 y/os were loling, and Andrew asked, even though he knew the answer, "What if you put the whole strand on?" My teacher is all like, Dunno, let's find out! He does, it ignites instantly, and he yells, oh shi- and burns his foot stomping it out.

Has anyone else noticed that art teachers are generally INSANE?

Middle school - Crazy old lady who was a complete psycho... she asked some kid to get her newspapers, so he grabbed a pile and brought them to her, so she swiped her hand across the table pushing them ALL off and screamed "TOO MANY!" then stared at him and yelled at him to clean them up.

Highschool was more fun, I went to an alternative school for people who couldn't stand normal highschool. I lucked out by playing the crazy card, they didn't make you do anything there and only made you stay 5 hours and you had NO homework. Anyway... bitch looked like she got hit in the face with a shovel. She talked out one side of her mouth (stroke) and was a hardcore vegan, she flipped because she asked for burger king fries, and they ended up going to mc donalds. She was shrieking. The whole building heard her.

Apparently mcdonalds uses bacon grease.

Other than that she was just an evil bitch overall.

Art teachers are crazy. I stand by that. ALL OF THEM.

CRAZY!

My band teacher in the end of my last year of middle school and freshman year of high school (best music teacher ever, I can blame him for the fact that I play the Alto Saxophone) once got so irritated at the flautists that he hit his conductor's stick against his stand and snapped it in half, it flew right past my head.

Later, my band teacher for the remaining three years of my time in high school (wasn't nearly as good of a teacher as the guy, who happened to have been her teacher at some point in time, but hot bitch was extremely hot.) lost her grip on her conductor stick and actually did hit someone (I believe it was a sophomore clarinet player.) I don't think she stopped apologizing for the rest of the class.

>>2738875
Dear god, I laughed for a whole minute, barely any breaths. I was actually crying from laughing so hard.

Okay, my story:
We had this crazy teacher back in junior high who was possibly gay, definitely very flaming. One day he was handing out some sheet for homework (I don't remember exactly what it was), printed on purple paper. My friend Max and I were in the front of the room, so he passed the sheet to us first, and Max says really loudly, sounding surprised, "It's *purple*!" Our teacher stops cold and gives Max the death stare for a good 10 seconds and then says in the most threatening voice he could muster "It's LAVENDER." The whole class goes silent for a few seconds, then everyone starts cracking up uncontrollably.

We made references to that incident for the rest of the year.

>>2739121
I don't plan to be TOO crazy. Just eccentric.

>>2739121
Did you work at Michaels for awhile by any chance?

Back in year 11 we had this welsh maths teacher. Total drunk, but he loved to emphasize the end of his sentences. One day we were doing trig or calc or something when in a booming voice he says "Youve got to MINNNNUS the power. Taken a little aback to class continues work until one of the slower kids asks for help. The teacher goes over and begins talking softly when he yells out (about a foot away from this kid) "YOU'VE GOT TO MINUS THE POWER!" I swear to got I've never seen someone that freaked out since that kid.

I remember this one from another forum. It was sometime ago so deatils ar a bit sketchy.

One time in biology class we were discussing the sperm cell and what its made of. The teacher mentions sucrose which is found in sugar. Then a girl raises her hand and asked "Then how come it doesn't taste sweet?"

BIG MOMENT OF AKWARD SILENCE

She realises what she said and her face was tomato red and bolted out of the classroom. The classroom erupted in laughter. After the laughs died down the teacher said "Because the tastebuds for sweets is not in the back of your throat."

>>2736871
>>2739323
lol lol lol lol forever loling.
faggots.

>>2739323
r9k is for original content. its earlier in the thread like 3 times.

My professor was late one day and leaped through the window instead of coming through the door to save a few seconds. He was a pretty funny dude.

>>2739337
>>2739338
Well fuck me.

mewty mewt

senior in hs here
we have a fucking insane substitute teacher who either pulls a *really* good stoned act or actually comes to school baked everyday he subs

he's explained how all the continents fit together into "that big blobby thing that the earth was a hundred billion years ago"

and explained to us the finer points of "the band" as well as his favorite monkey in a book of monkey pictures that he bought while in Toronto

yeah he's pretty much retarded but we all love him because everytime he's a sub lulz ensue

I have an incredible English teacher right now. He looks a bit like a walrus (facially at least), he makes fun of many students in his class, tells all these ridiculous stories just to get a reaction out of us, and gets very excited when we discuss topics like Oedipus in class. :( He's brilliant, too.

re OP:

I was the hero for a day for operatically singing the Queen line "GALILEO GALILEO" in response to my science teacher mentioning the satellite. Both classes (split wall room) roared in laughter and the teachers let it slide.

but then that was in the 7th grade where something like that is a lil more appropriate.

PS i would sniggered if i were in that class, OP

>>2739416

His last name isn't Topp by any chance does it?

>>2736871

yes, I read bash.org too

>>2739463

Fuck, tense conflict. does it should be is it. I donno what the fuck I was thinking.

>>2739491
yes it is.

muteblacks

Well, in my freshmen year of high school, I had this 19th Century American Cultures teacher named Mr. Dreisbach. He would always tell all of the students about how he had "four of the seven characteristics of a serial killer". Everyone thought he was just full of shit, albeit creepy as hell.

In my Sophomore year, it is found out that he had been having an affair with a student for the past year. And then he resigned so that he couldn't get fired. Not exactly during class, but oh well.

In seventh grade, one of the mentally challenged children walked by my German classroom humming the Carol of the Bells. He then walks back the other way, then into the room, and then just leaves. He doesn't stop humming this whole time, and all of the students and our teacher just watched in awe.

maths teacher got sick of idiot chick talking in his class, snapped giant wooden protractor in half and ninja'd it at her. It stuck into her forehead and she screamed and ran out.

Not really funny, but it opened my eyes. In my college Human Development class the prof opened her lecture with something along the lines of "blah blah blah this is the most useful lecture ever blah blah I wish I had someone give me this lecture when I was young, it's lifechanging blah blah self-esteem blah blah" Aight, I see, you think highly of this coming lecture ya?

Anyways shes like 5 minutes into it and she starts walking towards her podium (300-400ish size classroom, 120 students in the class) and on the way some dude raises his hand and asks the stupidest most irrelevant question on online homework. I believe it was "I can't find it etcetc"

This just blew my mind..how could anyone be so stupid and ask at such a horrible time? As soon as the question is answered about 6 other idiots raise their hands and ask even stupider questions on online homework. Even weirder, the prof goes ape-shit and throws her papers to the floor, sits down and yells shit under her breath (lolwut oxymoron)

I'm so embarrassed at my uni..Can't believe I'm paying to be in the same classes as these kids, the questioning went on for a good 10 minutes too

in spanish class we had to model clothes while someone read the descriptions you had written. as we where allowed to play music I had Panama played and sang loud enough for the teacher not to hear my bad description.

One day out of the blue my political sci teacher asked how much an 8th of weed costs. There were like 200 people in the class too.

Professor Rudolph (biology) loves to write on overhead slides. The only problem was that he's practically illiterate except with respect to scientific terms. There were many fun times in that class. The best was when he misspelled "function" in capital letters for an entire lecture. He spelled it "fucktion." The freshmen and gen-eds couldn't contain themselves.

>>2736871

This happened in one of my science classes in high school.

The teacher was talking about how much sugar was in semen and some chick burst out "but then why does it taste so salty?"

Although, unlike the whore in your story, she realized her mistake right away. It was quite funny.

This guy named john mills was mildly lactose intolerant. He'd end up farting like CRAZY when he consumed dairy.
One day, right before a lecture his he and his social circle went down to the corner store and bought a gallon of milk, he drank all of it an hour before a lecture. He sat in the back, and ripped MAJOR ass during the whole lecture. Everyone was too focused on dampening their laughs with their hands to take notes.
Shit was legendary.

>>2739516

Do you live in Florida?

blocks de la mewt

>>2737938
i typed it up from scratch, ain't that enough for you?

>>2736399

NZfag reporting in. My health teacher was also a south african who was fucking win. When the condom lesson happened he started it off by making a catapult for everyone and initiating a class war.

This whole Bio teacher sweet semen, girl saying salty story. Is this a situation that Biology teachers have been engineering or what?

>>2739782
omg ya. where in fl do you live?

Senior year of high school in Arizona. We had two somewhat lenient teachers and used the classroom of one to launch attacks at the other with. Conveniently, they shared a wall. One day, we brought some crazy high-powered public address speakers into class. These things could go LOUD, and had really really long cords. So we put one of the speakers in the adjacent room and blared motherfucking loud a certain Rick Astley hit. Then, we put both speakers in the hall playing the same song. Everyone came out into the hall for a dance-off. Life was good. We repeated it the following week as well.

>>2739862

You realize that you don't type at all like the guy I was referencing.

0/10 troll.

>>2739916
life souns pretty gay, from your telling.

My eleventh grade math teacher was awesome.

First day, he goes, "I am the god of math." No introductions, no expectation bullshit, just that. After a moment of 'wat' silence, he goes, "I'll prove it to you." He takes a bottle of water from beside his desk, pours it on the ground, and walks on top of it. "Hah, I'm walking on water, see? I am God."

Religiousfags got pissed, but I enjoyed it.

He'd throw in random shit, which ended up helping us learn the lesson. He would say 'radical' like a radio DJ or something, all loud and screechy. He would then ask someone to say 'radical' in that way, and until they did, he would not continue the lesson.

Another favourite thing of his to do was, when explaining how NOT to do something, was to do, "Cities will burn, governments will shatter, AND PEOPLE WILL DIE!" The last bit would be in a deafening shout. The guy had a pretty deep voice, and you could hear it from outside the class. He'd then ask, "What will happen?" and in a bored monotone, the class would go, "People will die."

There was this fuckwit who got moved up to the front row for talking too much. The teacher loved to pick on him, random shit, just toss in an insult in the middle of a lecture. At one point, the fuckwit was challenging him, and the teacher goes, "I can kick you in the head, you know." The fuckwit stupidly goes, "Prove it." So, the teacher gets up from his desk, walks over to fuckwit's desk, and asks him to stand up. After a minute of protest, he stands up. The teacher kicked about a centimetre from his face, because he stepped back. He grins at the fuckwit and says, "Told you so." Sits down and resumes the lesson.

I don't remember why, but I remember on the first day of class for me (I transferred in late) he got up on his desk, then proceeded to stroll along the tops of students desks. I really don't remember why. (He had two desks, right in front of three rows of 2 student desks.)

One of my chemistry teachers showed the Look Around You episode about calcium in class with a totally straight face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2k9JwGpm1w
A few idiots were genuinely scared by the helvetica scenario.

I was late for my first day of college and I walked into the classroom fumbling through paperwork. Not paying attention I sat down at the nearest open desk and continued to fill out the forms. The bell rings. Awfully quiet. No introductions. I hear the chalk hitting the chalkboard. I look around. Lots of women. Lots of women looking at me. Back to forms. I look up. Teacher is looking at me. I turn my head and now all the women are looking at me. I step outside of class and see that its the wrong room. Grab my stuff and searched for the right one.

Not sure what class it was that I walked in.

This didn't happen to me, but some nutcases decided to run around campus and interrupt this class by reenacting Pac-Man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOq6KzfFiTY

In 9th and 10th grade, I had an awesome math teacher. She was an old black woman who had a great sense of humor. I remember two things in particular from her class. Once was when a really annoying girl wouldn't shut up while the rest of the class was doing a group activity. The teacher turns to her, and flatly goes "<name>, shut the fuck up." Rest of the class bursts out in laughter, including the girl.
Another time was when this redneck girl comes into class wearing a shirt with the confederate flag on it. The teacher doesn't notice this at first until the class starts. She's giving a lecture, then suddenly falls silent and stares at this girl. Everyone's wondering why, until they see the flag on her shirt. After about a minute, everyone's cracking up and laughing like mad.

>>2740010
You actually reminded me of my Junior year math teacher. He was a shortish, jolly black man in his 50s, and was extremely funny. We were just talking about something (because he was very good at going off on tangents) and for whatever reason, someone brought up marriage. He suddenly giggled, then boomed, "MARRIAGE! Marriage, don't get me started on MARRIAGE. Do y'alls know what I used to look like 'fore I got married?!"

Silence. He stretches his arms out and continues.

"'Fore I got married, I used to be 7-foot-2..." Pause. "And WHITE!"


Raucous laughter.

Hmm. Well Chem II in college. Lab time. We were doing a series of titrations (for what I can't recall). Anyhow, many chemicals are kept on a shelf on top of each lab station.

One of them is a nice big bottle of 16molar HCl. Dude had reached past it to grab a bottle behind it, and withdrawing his hand, knocked it off.

It landed on the lab station countertop, right in front of his lab partner. It didn't shatter, those bottles are thick, BUT the lid popped off and his partner got splashed.

By the time he got over to the emergency shower, most of his pants had dissolved.

HS world studies class. We are learning about India and caste and karma.

My teacher starts to explain Bramins and karma saying that they believe that if you do something bad in this life you will come back as something bad... like a cockroach, a rat, ect.

I muttered back "Or a lawyer" Apparently he heard me and said yes, or a lawyer. Class broke out in laughter.

>>2740152
did you see his penis?

So in high school I was in a shitty web design class. It mainly consisted of putting together stuff in Word and saving it as .html. Most of the class just played the trial of Halo (blood gulch only), but there was this cool black dude that I vaguely knew. Didn't know his actual name, but everyone called him Junior. Late in the year, in the back of the classroom, he found a metal rod, I guess part of a desk or something. And he was twirling it around like some kung-fu master and proclaimed, "I'm blackanese!" I lol'd heartily, but then he accidentally smashed me in the skull with it, causing me to black out for a few seconds. I groggily sat up and felt my head, noticing the expression of abject horror upon Junior's face. I went to the nurse, he went to the office with every principal and vice principal in the school (we had at least 6 or 7 total). I wasn't really hurt and didn't have a concussion, head wounds just bleed like crazy. Probably the strangest part was when the principals came into the nurse's office and asked me what kind of punishment I wanted Junior to have. He was a nice guy, so I told them not to do anything to him, that it was an accident. I have the feeling he was still suspended, but that was my senior year and I never saw him again.

I was nodding off to sleep during Pre-Calc. Regular ol' microsleeps, like I always did. I could've sworn someone behind me, at the top of their lungs, shouts "WAKE UP, NIGGER!!!". I freak the hell out, spin around, and see everyone just paying attention to the lecture, aside from the few people who noticed I spazzed. Freaked me the fuck out. Never heard a voice so clear in real sleep before, much less microsleeps.

In that same vein, I was napping on the bus on the way home Freshmen year of high school. You know that shit where you flip out and grab your bed because your body thinks you're falling? Same thing here, except I grab the kid next to me. He screams and flips the fuck out and just stares at me all "WTF?!?". I just make a nervous laugh and get off the bus. The end.

I did marching band all through high school. Our head director was very VERY passionate about his job. We have a portable tower on which he conducts and directs us as we march.

On day, he was so animated what with flailing the wand about and reaching around to point at different sections that whoops, slipped right the fuck off.

The tower is about 10 meters tall, and this old man landed right on his back. Oddly, he was just fine.

Funniest class related thing ever was in middle school, our English teacher was walking around, he always emptied the garbage can before class. This is a big garbage can mind you, like the ones you have in a lunch room. Anyways he did this weekly, and it was usually filled with food and old crap in it.

Little did we know one day while we were coming into class it'd be the funniest fucking day ever. The dude was walking and for some reason in the middle of the room we have this giant carpet with ridges on the edge and things, and there was the garbage can there, and he tripped on it.

Needless to say lulz fucking ensued, hard. He tripped and he pushed the garbage can over and FELL into the pile of trash and shit. The video cameras caught it all and we were fucking lolling so hard, I feel sorry for him though

I got a handjob in science class one day. That was pretty cool.

My german teacher brought an accordion to class and yodeled some of his Bergwagabund-songs. People would open the door to the classroom and scream SIEG HEIL after he showed us his copy of Mein Kampf. He would always chase after them in a rage unknown to man.

Alright, so I was in a diagnostic medical microbiology course last term. I had some smears prepped for a Gram stain on the staining apparatus over the sink. The sinks weren't on and I had the tap off. I'd already put the crystal violet on the slides (It's a really powerfully coloured blue/purple stain). What I didn't know was that the taps in this particular lab had a particular habit of being pressurized and that the water had been out in the whole building a couple of days ago.

Cue me, turning on the taps and blasting crystal violet every-fucking-where. My lab coat is splattered with indigo blotches now. So is my lab partner's. So are a couple of the microscopes.

That didn't happen to occur in AZ, did it?

>>2735693

I would have laughed for ya man.

High school science class, there was this one East Indian kid no one liked because he was a stupid sack of shit.

So we all get this test back, and he says in this real burn-out voice " Aw man, I did so bad on the test... I should go ask Ms. St. Germaine what I did wrong"

And this preppy kid looks at him and says, "Hey, why don't you just go blow up the teacher. Isn't that how your people get the message across?"

I lol'd hard.

In our history class we got to re-enact the Gallipoli landing (WW1 battle of big significance to Australians)(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gallipoli_Campaign). Spent like a week preparing beanbags and tables and nets and other shit then we went to a hill near our school. Split into Turks (on top of the hill) and Australians on the bottom. Aussies had to run up and avoid being hit by Turks. I dont think anyone learnt anything that day, people stopped playing by the rules and it became a free for all

When I was in high school the autoshop teacher's hall pass was a big metal garbage bin, you'd hear kids dragging that shit through the hall from across the school

I bet you felt like a massive retard.

>>2740873
Brofist dude, stickin it to those darkies.

>>2735985
Well one day I was sitting in a class back in high school, and the fucker in front of me rips this huge fart. Fucking everyone turned around, even the guy in front of me.

I vowed to kill that man, I will get you now.

I was sitting at my desk trying to sleep. A person tapped me on the shoulder and said: "Hey, you dropped your broccoli."

Me: "What?"

He then points at the floor and there is a huge broccoli stalk right under my seat.

lulz ensued

Professor started the class talking about cultural differences. Since the room happens to have windows facing a central area of campus with sidewalks and grass, he comes up with an example of how Americans would cut across the grass, but Japanese would follow the sidewalks. As he is explaining this, a Japanese girl who is late for the class cuts across the grass to get there. She was quite confused as to why everyone was laughing so hard at her when she arrived.

(she's my gf, but that's irrelevant to the story)

>>2740954
Somebody was watching too much Invader Zim.

In HS I had a crazy as fuck English teacher. Brilliant, intelligent guy, but he was crazy. He wasn't a religiousfag, but he knew his bible inside-out. Every time we reached chapter 6, page 6, paragraph 66, whatever, and there would coincidentally be some kind of bad omen in the text, he'd say "See? Page 66. Devil's number. No wonder <character> appears on this page" (inb4 the devil's number is 666. It's actually just 6).

He also maintains that 1. essays he wrote and released were read by the September 11 terrorists and convinced them to attack America and 2. he is being followed and tracked by the CIA (he actually checked the room for bugs a couple of times).

I never had so much fun in a class in my life. Plus, he knew his shit. Everyone in the class got crazy high marks.

Thread is actually pretty entertaining.

I took a philosophy class one year at univ of md called "Contemporary Moral Issues." One day in my class we were discussing torture. My prof was going indepth on the most brutal torture methods he could think of, like bamboo under the nails and iron maidens/etc. Behind him were some pretty gory slides too detailing the above. I sit probably 4 rows back from the front, 150-200 people in the class.

As he's describing one of the torture methods, I suddenly hear footsteps approaching from my back. Next thing I know I see this slightly chubby girl fly by me and make a straight dash for the door. The door gets halfway open before she precedes to puke all over the floor. Apparently I was the only who thought this was funny because I couldn't hear or see anyone else over my own laughter. 5 minutes go by before the prof asks some girl to go check on her.

OP IS GOD AMONGST TITANS

First day of our Intro to Programming class in college. Teacher walks into a hall of about 100 students, says "Hi everyone", gets a weak, apathetic "hi" back. Then he says something to the effect of "Listen up, motherfuckers, I'm going to walk out this door, and when I walk back in and say "Hi everyone" you're all going to say "Hi Bob!" back, got it?"

Walks out, walks back in, gets a resounding "HI BOB".

Best teacher I've ever had

Back in school we'd start stampedes. Seriously.

Just get a small group to start running shouting 'fight!' or the like and sooner or later we'd have half the school following us - then we headed inside.

Brilliant thing was, if you were quick, you could duck inside a classroom and the crowd would go on without you.

>>2741680
This is a brilliant idea.
mobmentalityblox

>>2741680
Same thing happened at my high school, except we were outsmarted by handicaps.

The kids in the special needs class were walking around the school all tough and shit then some dude would yell out "RETARD FIGHT!!!" eventually half the school would follow. Once the kid got to the field, he'd just make a sprint to the courts and leave everyone there standing going "what the fuck?"

>>2741644
I want cool teachers retroactively. The ones I had in highschool were so bland and easy to read.

Another awesome story, one of my good friends, before I knew him, in middle school beat the living shit out of this retarded kid. Apparently what happened was this slow kid would go around and keep poking people. My burly black friend told him to stop, however the slow kid found it funny and kept poking him. Eventually my friend dropped him hard and proceeded to stomp him out as he screamed bloody murder.

oh, once in microprocessors lab, we had these trainer boards, named "spartan II"

I raised one high, and yelled "THIS IS SPARTAAA" pointing at the board. Didn't get the appreciation I desired...

>>2741793

How is that funny, that's plain niggerish and lame

Once at TAFE (Ausfag here) I printed off 50 duckroll pictures during one of our classes assessments (Information Technology, Cert 2 for HSC). It ended up jamming the printer for a while (we needed to print off our assessments) and the teacher started going off at us about the harm we are doing to the environment by wasting paper like that.

She transferred to a different TAFE the term after, the stupid old bat.

>>2741544
Sorry, devils number is 661.

From The Know-It-All, A.J. Jacobs' third memorable college moment:

"When the guy in my Nietzsche seminar raised his hand and said, "If I listen to one more minute of this, I'm going to go crazy," then promptly stood up, walked to the back of the class, and jumped out the window. It was a ground floor window. But still. It was memorable."

i stood up in the middle of class, grabbed a knife i carry in my bag and stabbed three fellow students who were giggling. i then grabbed an kissed a pretty girl, headbutt the teacher, and woke up

I had a similar experience as the OP. Except we weren't in class...

My school had been getting prank calls from someone claiming that there was a bomb in the school so we usually ended up staying in the playground later than usual until they conducted a thorough search of the school.

My friend made a plan to run for it on the second day of this. He gave us each roles to play and we had a certain time to do it and a signal to trigger it. There were random security roaming around so we had a random kid who was in on it distract one of them, saying he lost his bookbag nearby. We positioned ourselves near the back of the playground and nonchalantly wandered toward the exit. At exactly, 9:50 am, the friend who planned it, screamed out our signal and we ran for it. Surprisingly, most of the school did too.

It was a crazy scene. There were students, teachers, and security running down the street. I guess that's what a jail breakout would look like. One of my friends lived nearby so we used his house as a hideout until things calmed down.

We watched students, teachers, security, and later on, police run by his house until around 1pm.

It was only supposed to be a one-time thing but we did it again the next day though not as many people joined in this time. The day after we heard that a lot of students were caught by the cops and some were even arrested as if they were criminals.

We didn't get a chance to do it again because the school wised up and pretty much locked down the entire place.

To put things in perspective for some of you nerds: saying "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" IRL is the equivalent of saying "over 9000! XD" on the internet.

I had a Economics teacher who came to class who came to class with a chipped tooth one day. Someone asked him what happened. He started talking about how he came home to find his wife bitching at him, so "I gave her one of these!" he said, waving his fist around, "and then she gave me one of THESE!" waving his fist around again.

Also, had a programming teacher that was bipolar as fuck. Some days he would be like "You all suck. You suck at programming!" and other days he would be all "HEY GUYS LETS PLAY COUNTER-STRIKE" and he installed CS on the computers so we could play the whole hour.

>>2741966
Annoying and faggoty

a beat up a group of people who were talking about how great macs are

>>2740954
My Economics teacher changed her passes every year. The year I had her, the bathroom pass was a big empty pretzel can. Everybody would know when someone from her class was going to the bathroom because it was dropped at least every single day. Another year it was a bunch of bells. Most annoying pass ever. Especially if a retard (as in idiotic person) got a hold of it.

i went to catholic grade school and our vice principal was fucking insane and no one liked him partially because he made us call him "dr." even though what does a PhD in trumpet or whatever have to do with running the school?

anyway, in my art class we were blowing up those clown balloons and some sluts were using them to make "inappropriate gestures" (our art teacher was pretty damn attached to her religion)

so later our VP came in and talked to us about "herd mentality" and how after eighth grade we would all become peons in high school and such and how we shouldn't listen to what other people tell us to do and to follow the herd like what to wear.

this one kid gets up in the back of the classroom and says "i for one am ready to end the oppression" and proceeds to take off his uniform shirt and undoing his belt

yeah he got suspended, no one there had a sense of humor but it was fucking hilarious and when he came back even the teacher thought it was the best thing she had ever seen

Once when I was in elementary school, some of us started stomping the rhythm to "We Will Rock You" by Queen. Soon the whole class was doing it. And then, to top it off...our teacher at the time, who was in a choir outside of school, started singing the first verse. And then we all sang the chorus, the entire classroom. And then we stopped and continued with the lesson.

>>2741966
SUPAR FUCKING AWESOME??

Sigh I've been sitting here reading all these stories for about 45mins... Now for a few of my own.
(South Africa fag here)
In grade 11 we were 'studying' for end of year exams and it was history that day but at like mid-day so there weren't many people around, but we were more just sitting around chatting. We happened to be on the top floor of the school building, (4th floor) and there were a lot of dustbins lying around all over the place so we got an idea.

Below us was a courtyard and we decided to stack about 10 big rubber dustbins in a pyramid shape in the middle of the place. We then went back to the top floor and began throwing about 5 dustbins off trying to knock down the pyramid. We videoed it on my friends phone. Anyway a teacher had heard the noice from the dustbins landing and hitting each other and came rushing up to see what was going on. We luckily had stopped by then and when she got to us she started shouting "WHAT YOU ARE YOU DOING" etc etc and my friend gets pissed off and starts shouting back "It wasn't us for fucks sake it was those other boys, they just ran off now", from there we just kept saying it was those other kids, said they were black and eventaully the teacher bought it and ran off in search of the kids and we could hear her shouting at other people...

>>2742091
samefag

Another time:
In Grade 12 (matric final year last year) we were in Maths in the last period of the day. A few of these black guys had eaten space muffins and were high as shit laughing their asses off and anything. The teacher this black guy, Mr. Magodi gets tired of telling the class to shut up and slowly starts to walk over to the one kids desk. He starts off saying "You boy, you are making noise in my class, I told you to shut up" and the guy just carries on laughing unable to help himself. The teacher gets really angry and says again "Boy, you are making noise in my class" and he carried on laughing. So the teacher steps back and kicks this kids desk fucked up, like leonidas. The kid went flying back and toppeled over his chair and everyone just sat there quiet scared as fuck of this guy as he just went back to teaching.

Then the next day when we come in the teachers standing by his desk and as we sit down he says "now, you boys will not make any noise in my class" and while he's saying this he's holding a fucking stake knife...

Obviously none of us knew what to do untill he smiled and then everyone burst out laughing and it was the funniest shit to happen in that class... kinda scary though..

>>2742095
samefag

another time...
There was a girl in my class called Thandi. we were talking about Icarus (the guy who flew into the sun with wax wings or whatever) and the teacher explained that he flew too close to the sun, and she put her hand up and said "Did he die?"
everyone just started swearing at her and laughing

>>2742135


Wait, did he actually die? Or is it some bullshit about how he lost his wings... why was he even in space?

>>2742172
He decided it would be cool to fly but the higher he got made his wings which were made of wax melt faster so eventaully he fell back to earth... Note fell, FELL....

>>2742172
It's a myth meant to illustrate symbolically the dangers of striving TOO hard for your goals, silly.

>>2742191
That's not the moral.

Icarus and his Dad are prisoners that escape with the wings they make themselves.
Icarus is overjoyed that he is both free and flying so in his naivete he ignores his Dads call of warning not to fly too high, the wax holding the feathers is melted by the sun and he plummets.

The moral is, listen to your elders and also, where you have liberty there's not necessarily license to do whatever you want.

Bumping a good thread btw, I don't really care about Greek myth that much.

>>2742135
Oh man, stupid shit classmates have asked/said could fill a whole other topic.

A girl in one of my friends classes said "I dont believe in evolution, but i do believe people evolved from apes"

Before one class, a woman came into to explain that the textbooks that had been unavailable for the first three weeks or whatever of the semester. Now, as she says they are now stocked in the bookstore, my buddy yells out "Do YOU come with the textbook?" Everyone laughs, she goes red.

Another one:

There was this one guy. Lets call him questions dude. Now, questions dude liked to ask a lot of questions in class, which would be fine, if he didn't phrase them as if he already knew the answer and wanted to prove just how smart he was. Now, one such time, he was about to ask a question, hand in the air, and starts to ask, when I groan, at the top of my voice as he begins speaking. He whips his head around, but can't find me. Next lesson, he goes to ask another question, this time, I groan again, but so does everyone else, all at once, a deafening groan, halting his question in its place. He turns and gives everyone the biggest "you PRICKS" look, and cries into his book for the rest of the semester.

One of mine: A guy in my final year of high school once said, when told of some conflict in the middle east: "Oh, I thought all the jews died in world war two..?" Yeah. This guy later went on to be our school captain..

I had a stuck-up, proper, skirt-wearing oldfag teacher from Vienna once who ruled with an iron fist and refused to speak anything but heavily accented German.

Until someone asked her about Noam Chomsky. She yelled "FUCK Noam Chomsky" and announced coffee break.

In my Intro to Computer Science class, my professor asked, "What is the Internet?"

I raised my hand and answered "A series of tubes!"

Got a lot of laughs. Then got hit on by an ugly cougar afterwards.

ITT: things that people WISH they did because they think it makes them sound cool.

that is the most made up sounding story i have ever heard op. fuck off.

>>2742299
People do stupid embarrassing shit in public all the time.

We have this mature student in his late 40ies or something called paul in our class. Hes really awkward.
Basically in electronics he always asks questions and never understands it so

Teacher: blah blah blah electronics HURRR
Paul: Barry could you explain that again?
Teacher: sigh, blah blah blah electronics HURRR
Paul: oh right okay i understand
Teacher: Really? :O! :D!
Paul: No.
Teacher: *looks like he's going to stab paul*
Pauls phone then goes off with that dramatic DUH DUH NUHHHHHH ring tone and entire class bursts out laughing.

Another paul moment is we were in a class and suddenly we start hearing some movie start playing and paul starts freaking out behind his laptop shutting it down and it keeps playing for a good 20seconds with the entire class staring at him and him awkwardly trying to stop it playing aha

My math teacher did an equation, he said "together these are..." and i say, "VOLTRON!!!!111!!!oneoenoene"

A kid I know dropped a bag of weed in class once. His teacher saw it and pressed charges. That's pretty uncool but funny still.

English History lecture, friday fucking 7am... I regularly had the heads of the girls next tome on my shoulders because they fell asleep. The cranky old prof regularly laughed about that.
Dark Ages lecture done by the biggest asshole teacher you could come across, he was a big wanker but knew his stuff like none other. Girl comes a bit too late. Teacher looks up, says "You can close the door." She turns beet red and wants to close the door. Teacher says "From the outside..." Kinda harsh that.

I had this crazy IT teacher, who looked like he's almost stoned. He didn't do anything and barely teaches and just sits at his desk. Well this one time there was a christmas song playing from the speaker. Well out of the blue he asks: "HEY! Does anyone have a scissor?" I give one to him and he stands on his desk and cuts all the wires of the speaker and was mumbeling something like: "Goddamn speaker interupting my lessons." We lol'd so hard

The day of the exam in my law class years ago, a kid snuck vodka in via water bottle. The teacher, an ex-RCMP officer, caught his ass and he got into some shit with the law.

About a week before that she'd caught another guy dealing cocaine out of his car during lunch break.

In grade 10 SOSE my teacher once came in and started teaching us history cause he got his classes mixed up

another time he brought in some naked barbie dolls and shoved them in some kid's face trying to show how everything was made in china

Ho, wow. My class had alot of stupid comments . One of the best were while we were talking in a geography lesson, and the teacher said something like "...And in the Ice Age.." and one girl stopped her and was like "Ice Age? Isn't that a movie?"

About a year ago, when we had "Introduction to quantum mechanics" course and there was a break, the teacher left his laptop on(from which he projected) and didn't log off(he had

Windows XP, password protected user, etc...). The hall was huge(maximum capacity 1500 students) and everybody went to a lunch break and they wanted to close the hall, but me

and my friend, stayed and hit behind the chairs. When everybody left, we went to the laptop and put a modified version of last measure(lemon party, gore, OFFENDED, pics all

popping in internet explorer 7 pop-ups with a continuous voice "HI EVERYBODY I'M A GAY NIGGER", the laptop was connected to huge speakers around the room.
Since our teacher was the calculating type he had made Powerpoint presentations and numbered them(Introduction to quantum mechanics, Lesson 3rd and it had a link to a site

which had a java demonstration of some shit I don't even remember. We changed the hyperlink to the last measure version we uploaded. Then we returned to the hiding place and

waited for everyone to return(we didn't eat and were hungry for 4 hours, but shit was totally worth it). After everybody returned and sat, the teacher(who has a P.h.D. in physics btw)

returned and went like everything was normal.

This was the first ItQM lecture this week so the hall was almost completely full. For like 25 minutes he was talking and summarizing the

previous lecture and then he turned the presentation. When he finally got to the part of the hyperlink he said "Now I'm going to show you something really nice that one of my students

made last year. I uploaded to our site so you can watch it again after the lecture."
Then he clicked it(Me and my friend started laughing furiously but no one suspected anything). Then the real lulz unfolded: it got according to the plan horrible pictures started to

appear, "Hey everybody I'm a gay nigger" was heard loudly around the hall, the teacher saw it & tried to close the windows(forgetting to mute) for a whole minute and everyone was

horrified. He finally turned off the laptop and and angrily left the hall. Than one of my friends told me he went to the administration and threatened to resign. They raised his salary and

he decided to stay. Nobody ever found out...

>>2739355
Oh man, that reminds me my drama teacher once entered through the window once, to make a dramatic entrance.

It was the second floor, so yeah, it worked.

>>2742494
Oh and did I mention there was bigass screen in the hall and the very expensive projector had awesome resolutions.

In Grade 10 again we had this fucked up usless IT teacher called Mr Roue who told us all these wonderfull stories about the man he dumbbed "the greatest theif of all time" Bill Gates.

He gave us an assignment to make our own webpages with videos and shit. My friend put the Benni Benasi - Satisfaction vid on his. ( you know the one with the bouncing titties and shit everywhere) and this guy... his face was like a gremlin, the smile was the most excited smile I've ever seen in my life as he watched the video 3 times in a row while we all watched him, laughed and took pics...

Same guy used to kick all the guys out the class as soon as we got in so he could be alone with the girls...

>>2742494
>>2742493
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
AMAZING

Then there was this one time...

... at band camp....

Yeah.

>>2742494
>>2742493
You're my new hero and role model...

Senior year, AP Calculus

We were working on independent assignments when a girl in the front pulls out a Snickers and starts eating.

My friend in the back row shouts, "Hey! Can I help you enjoy that Snickers?"

Everyone in the class proceeded to sing the "Happy peanuts soar...." song to much merriment.

>>2742681
I cannot describe quite how much I lol'd.

I was a senior in high school, and I was in broadcast journalism class. The teacher was this awesome woman, crazy liberal activist, too. She was the best.

Anyways, for the spring, she had been assigned a student teacher, who was clearly not the right type of student teacher to be dealing with our class. One day, we were all working on projects, and a couple of the kids in the back were working on something in Final Cut Pro. One of them accidentally deleted a large bulk of his project, and just said, "Aw, fuck!" rather loudly.

The student teacher looked so pissed off, and she went back there, grabbed his shoulder and was like, "What did you just say? I think you need to go to the principal's office for that."

Our teacher swoops in outta nowhere, and grabs the student teacher by the arm, and pulls her back. "Oh no," she said. "In MY classroom, you do NOT censor my students." The student teacher's face went bright scarlet, and the rest of the class laughed.

Best fucking thing ever.

History teacher for my History 101 class was an ex-football player. Huge dude, he's like 6'2", 250lbs. Well, one day this nigger listening to music super-loud on his iPod came in late, making lots of noise, etc. Teacher goes up to the guy and is like "A bit late, don't you think?". The guy is like "nah man it's cool back off", and the teacher fucking checked him into a wall. The nigger just goes "whaddafukk" and runs out of the room. :)

>>2741793
>>this slow kid would go around and keep poking people.
>>slow kid would keep poking
>>slow kid poking
>>slowpoking

Don't remember what funny things happened. Most things are wordplays that won't work out in English. Or you just had to be there to wittness the awesomeness.
Like once in kindergarten, we just got those brilliant plastic trucks. Clever as we were, we started driving 'em down some bad ass hill right next to the actual building. A few days without any incidents passed until one guy, let's call him Andy, sits there on his red plastic truck about to hit the road when another kid, Tim, came up behind him and gave him a good hustle. Andy started screaming while he was darting down that hill, straight towards the kindergarten building, head-first against the edge of a metal pole.
Blood was everywhere, he cried while more and more blood poured out of the hole in his head and one of the "teachers" tried desperately to get rid of it with a fucking watering can so we wouldn't become too disturbed. Oh how I laughed over that..a whole stone terrace painted red and this woman running around with this tiny can...
We were pretty jealous of this guy later on as he got an awesome sticker from the doc. Right onto his head.

And last day in kindergarten or elementary, some evolutionary dead end in human form thought it was a bright idea to put his finger into a pencil sharpener and see what'd happen if he turned it around.

>>2742984
let me know how first grade goes

One day we had a motivational speaker come to our school. He was some dancer guy and towards the end of the program he invited some people to come up and jam with him. Many raised their hand to be picked but the person who showed the most zeal was one of the school's resident retards.

So he was picked to go up on stage and was handed a microphone. He then danced the "Retard Shuffle" and tried his best to rap. It would have been a humiliating experience for anyone other than him. So when he was done everyone cheered.

These two niggers came into the school after it closed for the day and mugged this kid, grade 8. I was in grade 11 and this kid ran to these other black guys in my grade. 5 of them chased these guys out the school up the road and caught them just by the bus stop nearby and started to fuck them up with hammers and bricks. They put these 2 guys in hospital and they were arrested and shit and these kids in my school became heroes, they were interviewed by the papers and were on tv... If that shits not crazy I don't really know what is

>>2736534

hey, no need to get teste

somebody shit under one of the playground forts in kindergarden

the goddamn bathrooms were so nasty at that place i don't blame em

CSAS Chattanooga TN 1994

nothing really amazing has ever happened,

i remember a chemistry class in year 11 where it had been snowing, me and a friend wanted to get the fuck outside and piss about, so we started to crawl on our hands and knees out of the classroom, teacher didn't notice a thing till someone runied our fun and pointes it out to her.

my college film teacher is fuck awsome, used to do loads of martial arts but did his back in, my friend decided to ask him if he still knew anything, the last 10 minutes of the class we all just sat around watching our film teacher fling my mate about like a ragdoll. this is someone whos small and fat throwing around a big built 18 year old, shit was so cash

The student teacher assigned to American History during my senior year of high school was a very religious woman. She went to Olivet, a Christian college known in the local area for its odd decrees concerning student dress and decorum- for example, all women were required to wear skirts and, should a man and woman find themselves alone together, it was expected that both sets of feet would remain firmly planted on the floor at all times (no crossing legs, or lying on a bed, etc). They were also the types that sent their students out to protest planned parenthood and scream at pregnant women trying to have abortions, the types that had the subject of morning mass be about the danger to the community that accepting queers pose; in essence, your basic genteel middle class monster maker.
Regardless of this fact, she was a very nice person who treated everyone with respect and did not bring up or use religion in the classroom; the only physical evidence of her faith was a WWJD bracelet she wore every day. Unfortunately for her, I was a miserable bastard intent on ruining everything and everyone within my radius of influence. Because she was so nice, I was extra loud and snide, interrupting her and making a scene constantly and because she was a Christian & I was still in the immature atheist asshole phase of my life I took much pleasure in seeing her unhappy.

con't

>>2743178

ok, so I'm not finishing this story, because the board and I are both retarded and as such we both can't seem to get around some issue with non-ascii text, yadda yadda and I'm not retyping the entire thing.

Gone a few good ones from HS

Class was in a 1 story building with big windows in the back which were open because of the nice weather. A kid in the back asks a teacher a question that will take a while to explain / diagram, when the teacher turns to the board the kid gets up and action jumps out the window, quickly runs around and then walks in the door to the class room. The Teacher just had this baffled look on his face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyEfkaYuDHU

I wish shit like this happened at MY lectures. :(

This one time in this lecture for a really really fucking easy film analysis class we were going over the test we had taken earlier that morning and going over all the answers. Anyways on this one question the professor said the answer and some girl was like, "well couldn't it be this" and hes like, no because we specifically talked about it in class. Well i guess that answer wasn't good enough for her so she began bringing up more and more points to support her shitty answer which if she wasn't border line retarded she would have gotten right. Anyways after listening to this for like 5 minutes i started to get pissed becuase she was holding up class and as soon as we went through the answers i could leave. So as she went to ask one more question i just blurt out "YOU GOT IT WRONG, DEAL WITH IT" and everyone in the lecture hall started laughing, and the cunt shut the fuck up. it was one of those glorious moments of win

In a music class we had this horrible old fat grumpy teacher, and they had all recently been told to raise their hands if they needed to quieten the class.

In one lesson, he couldn't get the class to shut up, so he raised his hand. Nothing happened. He shouted for everyone to be quiet, and said something like "Finally. I tried the hand job, and that didn't work"

The next lesson, the class started talking, and this guy yells out "HEY EVERYONE SHUT UP MR PALMER'S GOING TO GIVE US A HAND JOB". Mr Palmer then gave that guy a look that could turn a lesser man to stone. Shit was so cash.

This wasn't that crazy really, but I remember it as the single most terrifying experience of my schooling.
In eighth grade, I was in an advanced science class taught by one of those clever ornery hardass professors. He was an excellent teacher, but very strict, throwing students out of the classroom if they so much as blinked at the equipment wrong. I was always a very quiet, conscientious girl throughout school, so I had heretofore managed to stay on his good side.
I'd been partnered with a boy I had a crush on for some lab and was giddy as hell. No recollection of what we were supposed to be doing, but what I did do was playfully flick water at this boy using a small plastic tube. The next thing I knew, the teacher had crossed the room in less than a second and was standing before me looking like an ten-foot-tall horseman of the apocalypse, bellowing, "GET OUT." Scared shitless, I bolted from the classroom and stood in the hall awaiting my impending execution. A few minutes later the teacher came out and I dissolved into a trembling puddle of "oh god I'm sorry that was so stupid I wasn't thinking please don't pulverize me". He probably felt bad he had frightened such a shy little thing out of her wits, because he just kind of laughed and told me it was all right.

We read a passage in my Call of the Wild class about some guy looking at the Teton mountains from a bus.

Before beginning the passage, the teacher took great care to inform that Tetons was derived from the french word for tits.

The passage went into great detail about how unsatisfying it was to merely observe the Tetons, and not being able to "traverse every mound and crevvasse of those beautiful hills" and how they were "possibly the most beautiful thing known to man"

I don't remember everything exactly, but by the end of the passage everyone, including the teacher, was in tears.

>>2739151
Was he a fat black man named Mr. Lee?

I think this was my junior year of high school, it was the middle of winter and we had just gotten some good snowfall the night before. This one black guy with dreads (really cool dude, actually) and some of his friends decide it would be a fantastic idea to jump out the window in the middle of class and have a snowball fight. In the end, we have an English Class and a History class out behind the school having a snowball fight.

The English teacher was enjoying it; the history teacher, not so much.

>>2743045

Sadly there wasn't that much going on I think. We played "army" and had some EPIC fights on the schoolyard. For 6 year olds.
And, while playing tag, I actually managed to run into a girls fist. This has got to be the only time this actually happened. My nose was bleeding like hell and the girl was so sorry but well...after the first tears vanished I told her that everything's ok, with a wet washcloth in my face.
Oh and we were digging for gold in another part of the schoolyard, that didn't really belong to our school anymore. How proud we were to find wet sand.

>>2743362
Now that is fucking awesome. This is a teacher who knows how to appreciate literature.

At a neighboring high school, someone shat into a vending machine. Yeah, the part you grab the candy from.

You can probably guess how that ended.

>But my fuckwad classmates probably didn't even get the reference.

Everyone got the reference, they just dont like you.

First term at Uni, I was in a morning Economics class. Shit was boring. Most of my dorm hall had the class with me, and we were in the back left corner.

Everyone else slept during the class.

I played Mario Kart Advance on my laptop.

Well, one day I was especially tired and basically half-slept. The professor was trying to get the class to participate, and so he was asking a question about cartels. He first asks "How do they choose to split up the profits?" No one answers. He rolls for a save, "How do they split up the bounty?"

Now, for some reason, in my half-sleep state I heard him say "How do they split up the booty" and decided to act on it. In the middle of class I just shout out in the best pirate voice I could muster at the time "ARRR, ME PARROT CLAIM A STAKE". No one really laughed at first because I had just woken them up, but then a few did a hearty chuckle and I went back to half-sleep. The professor did an exasperated laugh once or twice and then I think just tried to ignore it.

>>2737089

That's baller man.

we were watching a movie on gun safety, and the kid shot the other one and some kid in my class yelled out "headshot!" and a few people laughed and everyone just looked at each other like "holy shit"

ONETIMEIWASINCLASSLULZ
LULZ WERE HAD

A couple of years ago, someone threw a paper airplane at the professor while he was writing on the board.

He picked it up and saw that something was written on it, so he unfolded it. It said "you're a wanker". He got pissed, but of course no one said who did it.

Last year, different class, same prof gets hit with another paper airplane. It says "You're still a wanker".

>>2744046
That's weird.
Then WHO WAS PLANE?

This one time in a first year physics class we were taking up a recent test, and one girl was arguing about a wrong answer. It involved labeling some points on an XYZ plane, which she had unconventionally labeled, but even then, her co-ordinates were all wrong. So she starts crying in the middle of class, blaming the prof that she never said there was a right way and a wrong way to label a three dimensional plane. The prof goes on to say that regardless of that, her work was still wrong.

This went on for I swear a good ten minutes. It was the most frustrated I've ever been.

>>2740572
haha, this reminds me of a story i still laugh about from time to time

So in health class one day, our teacher decides to try the beer goggles out on us.
(side note: health teacher is actual lesbian and ugly as hell)

So she takes us to the wrestling mats and sets up a makeshift obstacle course involving a chair and a trashcan, where you walk up to the chair and catch a paper ball and throw in the trashcan or something
Now this big adopted kid from Chile, whos nice but dumb as bricks, goofily puts on the glasses and stumbles, quite by accident,over the chair, becoming airborne for a split second before facing himself on the trashcan. PAPERS EVERYWHERE, FAIL

This thread is awesome, can we archive it?

>>2745075
My request archived it

>>2740374

Up until that post I held it. Then, I fucking lol'd 'til I cried.

Guys, congrats. This thread is one of the best and funniest of all time. Archive?

>>2736657
also canadian, and we also sing that all the time?

Why do we do this?

My History teacher was an old nuts guy. Talked about how he'd smoked pot in Holland a lot, was totally eccentric and interesting. When he caught someone texting, he made it to seem that he got a phonecall and began to text as well. We were all silent, confused as hell, and then he looks up and goes "Oh fuck you" in a sarcastic manner before going back to the lesson.

We once raced toilet paper down a slightly declining corridor once. About 10 of us with a roll each... was amuzing.

>>2745810
That reminds me, when we were in elementary school (private and very expensive) went to the new wing they had built in our school and headed for the bathrooms.

For some reason they had got colored toilet paper (green, pink, yellowish and white) so we decided to grab a bunch of pieces of it and wet them thoroughly. Then we started throwing them at the ceiling and they stayed stuck there. We filled pretty much all of the ceiling of multicolored wet toilet paper, it was beautiful.

They never found out it was us.

I demand more. This thread is gold.

>>2737089
>>2737267

that's ok anon. I suck at saging too. And anyhow bump for more hamburgler.

This didn't happen in my class, but i heard all about it. Freshman year of high school, btw. In bio, the lab tables have electric sockets. this one kid took a paper clip without realizing what he was doing and stuck it in the electric socket and shocked himself. apparently it was hilarious and too bad that i missed it.

We probably should archive this.

probably my greek literature class when my teacher was explaining how the mentor must always die in tragedies. she was using harry potter as an example and said "by the way everyone, snape kills dumbledore."

Once we had to dissecate a fish, and a girl cut the intestine and had shit in her hand but she didnt realise it and asked me proudly what was that.

Lulz were had.

My bio/chem prof was a batshit insane old man who always did crazy shit just to scare us. Usually this was small stuff like setting his own sleeve on fire and screaming like it was surprising (we didnt know he prepared it before class) or when he rigged a few of the pig fetuses we had to dissect with miniature chemical 'explosives' (a few kids were probably scarred for life with that one).

One time that was a brick shitter for the whole class, and the one that stands out most, is when we were reviewing alkali metals. We watched a demonstration video of various alkali metals all the way up to francium, which as we saw in the video resulted in FUCKHUGE explosions. He went on to demonstrate a few small-scale burns with sodium and potassium, then whipped out a gallon-big ice cream tub full of water, plopped it on his desk and said "You wanna see something REALLY cool?"
He pulled out a baseball-sized chunk of rock that looked eerily familiar to francium. Seeing as the image of a massive explosion from a pebble-sized chunk was still fresh in everyone's mind, most of the class began shitting their pants almost immediately. The prof then proceeds to say "Hold on to your asses, this is gonna be wild!" and SPIKES the fucking thing into the vat of water.

...And nothing.

The stench of soiled pants was pretty thick in the air within a few seconds. After realizing we didnt blow up as soon as the damn thing made contact, the prof busts out laughing his ass off, telling us it was a chunk of regular rock.

Yes, I shit my pants that day. And it was AWESOME

In my senior year of high school, during the end of a Mass (Catholic HS), the entire student body pretty much decided they didn't want to go back to class. What we did was try to drag the ending as far as we could. Whenever the principal would talk, we'd clap outrageously. What he thought was good speaking on his part was really mostly us being dicks. He kept talking, we kept clapping. At one point, we got the ENTIRE auditorium to do the wave. It was a PERFECTLY synchronized wave. The principal got filled with so much spirit that he excitedly began singing a hymn. We must have delayed things by at least an hour.

In one of our lessons in GCSE Biology we came to dissect sheep eyes. The mongy kid in our class ended up eating the lens from his.

You...shit your pants.

>>2747450
If you thought your life was gonna end in a francium-fueled explosion that'd put hiroshima to shame, you would too. Don't deny it!

>>2747450

and, apparently, it was awesome.

>>2747450
>>2747356 here.
The guy was mentally unbalanced enough that everyone KNEW this was well within his capabilities. The fact that I shat my pants is inconsequential - everyone in that room was convinced he went mad scientist bomber at the last second.

Strangely enough, he's still my favorite professor from high school.

High school assembly, this old couple are talking about their son who got killed by a land mine in Africa, when this guy in a wolf mascot costume (shit, it just occurred to me it might have been a fursuit) runs in the middle of the gym. Stands there a minute while everyone laughs, then vomits all over the floor and runs out the other door.

My chem class last semester was boring as hell. So the teacher would usually do an interesting experiment halfway through to regain everyone's attention. One day she had liquid nitrogen. So she just dipped things in and broke them. She was wearing gloves and ended by sticking one of her "fingers" in and freezing it. She preceded to hit it with a hammer and shatter it.

While most people figured it was a trick, everyone still got pretty scared. My friend next to me woke up just in time to see her shatter her finger and started to freak the fuck out. Made my day.

I was a freshman, and in the last 5 minutes of class, we were all just standing up and talking. All the sudden from behind me, I hear this kid, who was awesome as fuck, start yelling "NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA"
The teacher goes "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ELIJAH?!"
"But, Mr.Stoddart, it's not racist because I'm chinese."

The best part is that this guy wasn't even chinese, I think he may have possibly been part Native American.

>>2747687
I lol'd cause the double standard is true.
God, someone fix humanity already ;_;

My high school class was known for pulling pranks during pep rallies and assemblies. The one that sticks out the most happened during my senior year at the talent show. A group of my fellow seniors were performing some craptacular song. They were in cahoots with our class president who was the MC for the talent show. Instead of performing for the allotted 4 minutes they went on for about 10 minutes. At the end of the song our class president comes on stage and we all shout at him to take off his shirt like we usually did. He takes off his jacket then as he pretends to unbutton his shirt, the principal gets on stage and tries to grab the mic and kick the band off stage. Our class president pretends like he doesn't know what is going on and hands the mic to one of the band members. A game of keep-away them ensues. Our principal finally gets the mic but just as he is about to talk, one of the students working the mic turns it off. Our class was banned from assemblies for the rest of the year.

Apparently, my Latin professor pretends to be an 8 year old whenever he loses at online backgammon.

And people wonder why I do so well in that class.

Once in grade 11, a few guys from my class found a dead bird lodged in the front grill of the car of the big dumb guy in class. They pried it out, slim-jim'd their way into his car, and propped it up on the steering wheel.

During grade 12 graduation, the class had a prank planned for the pudgy-as-fuck annoying munchkin computer class teacher. Long story short, they parked his van on the roof of the school using a ramp and a crane, then got rid of both. I tell you, you aint never seen a pissed-off hobbit till you've seen Mr. Schofield flip the fuck out over his car's different parking job.

I had an abnormal psych professor this past semester who tended to go off on uninteresting and unrelated tangents.

One day during one of them I was rotating my hand in a "get-on-with-it" motion like I always do, and this time she called me out on it. I threw out a cock-and-bull story about getting a cramp out of my wrist.

I think she bought it; considering how easily offended she is, she didn't break down crying so I think I was safe. I kept doing it with a grimace on my face for the rest of the period to keep up appearances. Had a good laugh about it with equally annoyed classmates later on.

10/10, all of you.

I raged so hard.

>>2747408
That makes me think of the time my awesome science teacher that I had for two years was doing a lesson on rocks and shiz, and he had painted a sponge to look like that rock with all the pores in it or some shit. He and this autistic kid I'm friends with faked an argument, he got a really angry look on his face, and chucked the piece of sponge at the guy. Half the class looked on in shock, I started laughing because I could tell that it was a sponge. The guy even pretended like it had knocked him out, it was awesome.

About as awesome as the time the awesome science teacher's predecessor, a slightly less awesome old lady, threw a book at one of my classmate's older brother. I know the guy somewhat, he deserved it.

>>2747356
I would shit my pants too

In English Lit once lecturer asks if anyone knows who Albey is, I say "A racist dragon?". Right there with you OP, right there with you.

For some reason making jokes is easy. So I started making fun of this pretty hot brunette chick that played dumb a lot. Then it became a girl vs. boy war in every class. Except she never had anything to say back. Or like today they were telling us how if you take a picture from school and put it on myspace you will get banned from even touching a computer. I then asked "Well, do we have typewriters here?"

My AP physics teacher was sleeping with some kid on our grade. He was 17, she was 25. Well, there had been some speculation that she was gonna get caught, and she did. Well, one day the cops came into our class and asked her to leave. Outside the window we saw her being handcuffed, and leaving. It was pretty awkward I might say.
http://www.wftv.com/news/11512937/detail.html
There's the story. Plus, I was interviewed by the media and was on CNN even, god how it was a slow news week. Good times, I still have the tape of that some where. Oh, I don't care that you know about where I went to high school, I go to UM now. Good times.

This is a story that did not happen to me nor at a high school I ever attended but was told to by a good authority and friend from Fairbanks, Alaska. As is typical with high schools and colleges there is inevitably someone who is both eccentric and an incredible ass. At this school, Lathrop, he was known as Preston. Preston drove a large and lifted 4x4 black dodge ram and it was his baby. In his glove compartment he kept a large double-ended gel purple dildo that he would wave at people he saw on the street.
One October this kid, Brandon, and his buddies were running over and jumping across car hoods in the parking lot right after the last bell. Brandon gets into his head that he can mount and clear the whole of Preston's pickup truck. Preston is pulling out of the lot slowly and when he sees this random dude jump up on the hood of his car he guns the engine and Brandon slams into the windshield and completely spiderwebs the thing and rolls off the hood onto the ground nursing his ribs.
Preston, meanwhile, has jumped out of the cab and proceeds to lay down a beating on Brandon with the only thing he had on hand, the big double-ended purple dildo. Now if you've ever seen one of those silicon fuckers you know the full weight they've got. So this kid Brandon is rolling on the ground with this jock standing over him yelling "You little bitch, you broke my goddamn windshield" and beating the everliving shit out of him. A crowd had gathered to watch this bizarre incident before Preston tired and left Brandon bruised and bleeding in the parking lot. The next day Brandon had literal mushroom stamps all over his body, neck and face.

>>2749409
And what poetic justice was handed down to Preston from God above?

>>2749492
Remember the world we live in. Dicks get chicks, nice guys finish last and if you rob millions you get elected. There was no justice to be had against Preston and Brandon is still gun shy. Hell, I side with the wielder of Purple Silicon Wrath, don't break a mans windshield and you won't be cock slapped.

I don't know if this counts but I had my iPod on shuffle and a sex skit from Ready To Die came on and the woman was screaming pretty loud and i'm pretty sure the girl next to me heard "FUCK ME FUCK ME OH GOD"

>>2749545
But if he hadn't gunned his engine like a fucking retard, Brandon would have cleared his precious piece of shit without incident. He essentially broke his own windshield, and whether or not Brandon had done anything, that's still assault, and on school grounds to boot. If Brandon hadn't been a pussy about it, Preston likely would have gotten in trouble with local law enforcement and with the school.

Besides, you've gotta be fucking gay to have a purple, double sided dildo in your car. I'd gladly take my ice scraper that I have at hand into a fight rather than something that clearly makes you look like a fag.

The only funny thing that happened in my classroom was some kid almost killing himself in my Biology class, he took a piece of tin foil and a plastic straw, took the tin foil and shaped it like an electrical plug. He then stuck it in the electrical outlet , I shit you not. The thing sparked but he didnt die, you could tell he got really scared though. My only guess for the reason he didn't die was because he was holding a plastic straw and it wouldn't flow through that into his heart? Maybe some electrical engineer can explain to me.....

>>2735693
you cant really call them fuckwads for not getting a reference to a shitty movie/internet fad

I threw a plastic globe (without a stand, just the globe) at my social studies teacher in 7th grade. It bounced off his head and he got really mad at me.

It was the last day of school and he got all huffy. He was a painfully awkward man and it was really funny.

>>2749305

She's pretty cute. Lucky kid! :D

Ages ago in 7th grade during my last period the vice principal came into our class and grabbed the kid sitting behind me out of the classroom. A few minutes later the whole school had to be evacuated due to a bomb threat. Turns out the kid sitting behind me brought a cardboard tube filled with gunpowder and taped up at both ends. Pretty much a fail bomb threat.

Little art college in california no one cared about:

One of my classmate's 'installation art' projects was to bring in snacks and pot. Our whole class along with the professor got stoned on the roof. The prof. got extremely paranoid and started to flip shit while the other, say, seven of us laughed our asses off and ate granola bars.

FUCK I MISS THAT PLACE

I went to shitty middle school that had several city neighborhoods within its district. There were a few thousand students there, the place was huge. One day someone found a cardboard box, no joke, marked 'TNT' with crayon. They evacuated our huge-ass school, it was total chaos. It turned out later that the box was filled with bars of soap.

I had some great schooling you guys, I really did.

Our Thermo professor is from Korea, and he speaks in a very thick Korean accent. He also speaks very slowly, and uses the filler word "Cha" when he's trying to translate his thoughts into English. Anyway, one day, he goes off on a tangeant about the thermodynamics of the body running a fever, and how when you have a fever, not to treat it for 24 hours so that the heat kills whatever's in your system. Anyway, he then goes on to tell us, "So, cha, don't hate, cha... bacteria. Or else, cha?"
And, REAL FAST, he said,

"Iwillkillyou"

He totally threatened to kill our Thermo lecture. WTF, /r9k/?

Back in 6th grade I had a bitch of a math teacher, Ms. Harper. I think I drew a real bob-omb in the margins of a worksheet once.

Anyway, since we weren't on good terms, I'm pretty sure she flagged it. I was called out of class to some weird room in the administration building where they asked me what I was implying with my drawing. Scared me shitless, fucking assholes.

>>2750079

>real bob-omb

I first typed 'real big,' then remembered it wasn't that big at all.

>>2749758
two years before i came to the high school i graduated from, the entire school was locked down until 5 pm because someone found mysterious white powder in a ziploc baggie.

people peed in trashcans. parents freaked out. no one could leave their classrooms. of course, it wasn't anthrax or drugs. i forget what it actually was.

I was sitting in my econ class and let a massive fart go. Completely silent, but it was the worst one I've done in my life. About two seconds after it went, the teacher just stopped and everyone started looking around. Soon people were getting up and running to open windows and shit. No one had any idea it was me.

I've set up a bengay bomb by mistake. that was interesting.
I also fell asleep int he middle of a lesson when a sonic boom went off over head (live right near air force base) and it woke me up fro a bad dream and i ran around the class thinking i was still int he dream screaming the world was ending.

>>2750339

lmao, the sonic boom story is funny. What is a bengay bomb anyways?

at college (16-18) i was in a class with irl /b/tards (this was before the days of 4chan, but your typical /b/tard...lots of porn/home-brew viruses/RPG's/seriously fucked up but funny shit in and around college)

anyhows this one kid was just a retard. knew fuck all about anything, no life experience. yet he still preached it like the word of the lord. he had just passed his test and mummy and daddy had bought him a ford fiesta.

i went to an art college, which was an old, converted big house thing, with a big field in front. while he was in class we all ran out, picked up one end of the car, and dragged it right into the middle of the field. it was a wet day and it left a massacre of mud and trenches. his face come the end of the day was priceless.

he just chuckled then mumbled sarcastically "yeh funny. but do it again and i'll call the police." we just ignored the stupid motherfucker like we always did.

>>2750205

Ahahah oh Jesus. Fart stories are always the best.

My brother did something similar, except in a car full of people. The guy driving nearly drove off the road and several people had to get out once the car to avoid puking. I think one dude actually did puke.

He's well known for having an ass from the pits of hell.

There is this kid at my university that has been here for a while, and he is a legend around the campus. This kid will stand on the center field in shorts and a tshirt no matter what the weather, and challenge people to light saber duels. One day this kid walks up, whips off his backpack, and breaks out his light saber and they have full fledged light saber battle in the middle of our college campus with probably about a hundred kids watching. Little did the challenger know this kid was going to whip out karate and wrestling moves on him during the battle.

>>2750202
Same type of the thing happened to me, except it was "mercury spill." Turns out a tiny fucking thermometer broke. We had to stay locked in our rooms, that shit sucked.

We have this thing called Confetti which is basically a big skit (or series of) in which the seniors are portrayed by different people and basically made fun of, all in good fun though. Well last year apparently some senior had masturbated with a candlestick (was a girl) at a party and they did a skit about it. Got the senior sketch banned.

Programming lecture last year, 9am, boring as hell.

I'm trying not to fall asleep when the guys in the row behind me start giggling. I turn around and give them a funny look (I'm starved for entertainment, ok?) but it's a small class so we try not to attract attention.

You know how people tend to have a "thinking" move? Like chewing the end of a pen, tapping fingers on the desk or something?

Well, it turned out the guy in front of me had a "thinking" move that was basically a wanking gesture.

Don't think the teacher ever found out. I couldn't look at that guy the rest of the semester.

this might be the biggest thread i've ever seen

During an anatomy lab, I actually had a duel with my teacher using a pair of reflex hammers. Us students would also switch our desks around while this teacher's back was turned.

>>2751016
Then you do not remember Pewpew.

I go to an agricultural high school, so there are sheep and stuff all over the place.
There was this sheep with prolapse, and my ag teacher grabbed its uterus and shoved it back in. After doing that, he punched it in the vagoo, possibly as some form of securing its position.
Also, lessons where we're supposed to be castrating goats end up in us just riding them around.

You didn't think to ask him why he cunt-punched a sheep?
How do you expect to learn with that kind of attitude?

lab partner came to chem drunk and/or high. spend better part of lab throwing liq n2 on the floor and giggling as it zipped around.

>>2751185
>prolapse
Eh.
>uterus
Ehhhh.

not sure if this is what you're looking for, but:

once during an art history class i took to fill out my degree, i had a 3 hr lecture twice per week. the professor, dr. pitluga to any slippery rock students out there, is a pretty meek guy. cool as hell, but rather subdued and kinda post-hippy. you know the type.

but anyway, one day there were people outside the lecture hall making a racket, talking loudly and banging bookbags together or some ridiculous thing.

dr. pitluga bore it for a few minutes, being fairly obvious about the fact that the interference was bothering him. finally, this fucking burnt-out hippy snaps and goes running up the aisle, throws open the door, and screams, "If you don't get the fuck out of here right now, i'm going to beat your fucking skulls in with my golf clubs!" he then went on talk about how he's having a class, blah blah blah, and then finishes up with "i guarantee you i can split your brains apart with my 4 iron!"

then he walks back down to the front of the class and continues on with his spiel on aztec relief carvings.

i'll never forget it, but i don't know if this is exactly what you're looking for.

>>2750403
HOLY FUCK ARE YOU A TYLER STUDENT??!?!?!?!

One time in my high school, a squirrel got loose into the cafeteria. The football players were scared shitless. Lulz were had.

Another time, around the end of my Junior year, my kick-ass American Literature teacher Mr. Adas was reading out loud one of the final chapters of the book we were reading, "In Our Time" by Ernest Hemingway. The last chapter read, at least to he and I, as one huge sexual innuendo. By the time it's finished, he's practically in tears, and half the class is laughing riotously. Shit was great.

>>2735777
Its from the fucking movie in the first place, jackass

Sophomore year of high school, long long ago, I had the King of Douches as my World History teacher. He was a huge, hulking man with a big mustache, looked like the guy from Happy Gilmore. I have many stories from that class:

He was completely full of shit. One time me and my friend had to miss a couple days of class for some sports or band thing, I forget which, but we had it cleared by him ahead of time, that we wouldn't be missing anything. We come back and find that he'd held one of his "discussion days" where you sit around in a circle talking about shit and get credit for every time you open your mouth, and we got no credit. We had to go all the way to the principal to get the 0 nullified (we wouldn't have bothered except that it severely affected our grades).

On one test there was a question about which was the upper class and which was the lower class in Soviet communism; he insisted that the proletariat was the upper and refused to budge.

Early in the year we took his shit like good students, but soon we got sick of it and eventually we would just call him out on everything he did. We made him cry once. One day after we'd given him a particularly hard time, my friend who had him the period after us said she came into class and he was sitting at his desk with his head down, quietly sobbing.

One of my favorite moments, though it doesn't involve him being owned in any way, was when he assigned us a project to get into pairs, pick a popular song with a political message, and analyze it. Sick of his stupid-shit assignments me and my friend picked "War (what is it good for)" We spent about ten minutes in front of the class saying shit like, "In the first line of the chorus, the singer poses us a rhetorical question--'War, what is it good for?'--which he proceeds to answer in the following line--'absolutely nothing.'" We got an A for some reason.

Hamburgular

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=texasa%26m+hamburgular&search_type=&aq=f

Enjoy.

>>2736099
>>2736099
Fuckin' right. Lulzy shit,
>>2739463
OH FUCK, FROM THOMPSON ELEMENTARY?

I was in a class once (computer science, at a university) where a student had a camera out and apparently took a picture.

The professor immediately ordered the student to delete the film and put the camera away. The student just kind of looked at him, and the professor proceeded to hiss something about how "PEOPLE WHO TAKE PICTURES ARE RAPISTS!"

There was utter silence in the classroom. Then a few seconds later, he continued lecture.

when I was a freshman in high school, I was in an English class sitting behind a cute little blond girl with fucking gi-normous titties. And she'd stretch and lean back, and I'm certain I was just gawking.

I wonder if that had anything to do with me needing to transfer to a different English class to get into this math class. That sucked, I miss that big titted hottie

Lots of this deals with laughter. My school was plain as shit and not much comes to mind, but one main time that made me laugh out loud was when our entire physics class got derailed for a discussion about bullying. Some prat had his backpack turned inside out, and no-one gave a toss cos he was a douche anyways and took it like a champ cos he felt like he fitted in. So we sat there with the teacher and only one student seriously caring, while everyone, even the backpacked kid, looked around awkwardly and snickered softly. But suddenly the absurdity of the situation hit, and I was biting my mouth. What ruined my silence was making eye contact with my friend who was also painfully smiling, and I know it doesn't matter to anyone else not there, but those moments get shit rolling. The teacher, who favored me for some reason, tried to act natural, but I was busting out in the most ill-veiled guffawing I've had in that place.

>>2736165

Actually I'm still loling at this because I could have so seen that happening in my western civ class.

>>2752399

Wow, I have not the slightest clue what you said lol. Your idioms indicate that your British no?

Didn't happen in mine, exactly: I had an evening class, and was normally one of the first ones there because most of the people in it were taking another class that tended to run late right before it. But one night I get there and they're already all there. Apparently, the prof in the earlier class had spent 20 minutes hysterically explaining how Saddam Hussein was going to blow up all his oil wells (this was at the start of the Iraq war), it was going to cause an environmental disaster, and hundreds of millions of people were going to die around the world. Eventually, he started crying, ran out, and never came back.

He was back in class the following week with no explanation, at least not to the students. Didn't seem embarrassed that everybody wasn't dead.

I was in Florence Italy last year as a part of NYU's study abroad program and our philosophy teacher was a bat shit crazy raging alcoholic who goes out partying in Iceland on his weekend off. Our class basically has to go to a "cultural event" both semesters in Florence and I instantly put this guy down as the professor I wanted to go with because the stuff he said in class was just awesome and I suspected he wouldn't give two shits about the actual activity.

I was right.

We spent roughly an hour at some museum when he goes "Well ok, that's that...let'see, I still have some Euro left over from admission (we somehow got by on half price for nothing) so who wants to go to a bar?" It ended with about half of the students getting shitfaced at 1:45 in the afternoon while this motherfucker strides off to do some vodka shots with our writing teacher after he "pisses like a statue".

>>2752686
The man's words of wisdom, all 100% verified by the students there
On the Duomo: "The big multi-colored thing with a whole lotta Jesus going on."

On literal translations of ancient Chinese literature: "A fortune cookie writer on cocaine."

On counterarguments: "When arguing a thesis, anyone who thinks against you is your opponent. You need to pick an opponent. If you don't pick an opponent, then I become your opponent. And I ... am a motherfucker."

On Thanksgiving: "It's my favorite holiday because it's a dude holiday."

Thanksgiving continued: "I think the pilgrims were smoking it up. It's a holiday for those with the munchies."

On his office hours: "In the beginning of the semester, I could offer bong hits, lines of cocaine, and sex acts performed by circus freaks and no one would show up. But as soon as the final comes along, everyone will be knocking on my door."

Also on office hours: "Let's talk about office hours, even though I believe you've all lost your virginity to all this bullshit."

On rewards and growing up: "You have to go to work. Waaahh! But then you get ice cream afterwards! Only now they call it martinis!"

On being offered sexual gratification when you've really got to pee: "Don't touch my genitals, it could be a bad scene! Unless you're into that sort of thing..."

On people of the past: "Everyone thinks of the ancients as if they shit marble."

"If someone is capable of having sex with a fish, I want to meet them!"

On questioning Epicurus' views on atoms and the ultimate regress: "Really this is just fucking around with our sense of the infinite."

On the translator of "Epictetus: The Handbook":
Piacente: "This guy gave me the lowest possible grade in grad school."
Student: "So why are we using it?"
Piacente: "Because it's cheap. And I think he's dead. So fuck him."

On explaining the pronunciation of the word "Tao" to women in Las Vegas: "At which point I called them ignorant sluts, and then it was a bad scene."

On his age: "I'm old enough to have dated Moses' sister. I'm old.
*church bells ring in the distance*
"Who does the bell toll for? It tolls for me because I'm going to die tomorrow."

On being in high school: "I want to go into the parking lot, sit in my Camaro, toke up on the doobie-weed, and listen to AC/DC tunes."

On crazy geniuses: "You can't be a well-adjusted genius 'cause it'd make us all feel like shit."

On his favorite accessory: "I wonder if God wears bow-ties. If he's got any fashion sense, he does! ...Someone kill me now."

Getting into the spirit of things: "I'm channeling Plato. I would've worn my toga but I'm afraid my genitals might've gotten cold."

On class work: "Then we're going to move on to pros and cons...which you're going to do because I'm a lazy sack of shit."

On philosophy: "European philosophers never got over Christianity. American intellectuals never got over European philosophers. It's a sorry state."

I've completely forgotten the context for this one: "I stood in the middle of the stage and shouted a lot. I don't know if the locals appreciated that, but they can kiss my narrow ass."

Some guy was in the back of my calc lecture in a cougar suit one time. That's all I got.

oh man, I used to have this english professor who used to come to class absolutely baked. he had long greasy hair and wore a big overcoat, when he would come to class stoned and tried to lecture he would slowly move his hands to his mouth as he spoke and eventually was talking into his sleeves covering his mouth. Other times he would spend like 20 minutes drawing a parking meter on the blackboard and explain to us about how it looked like and owl for the rest of the class lol. He was a fun professor.

>>2752686
You realize in one of these posts you gave out his surname, and there's apparently only one of them that teaches at NYU?

>>2752815
And? I fail to see a problem here. A lot of other posts have given out their teacher's names.

One of many epic times I had.

Senior year, riding the bus home, trying to relax after a shitty day, when OF FUCKING COURSE the black kids on the back have to start shit with the driver. So the driver proceeds to skip their stop and start turning around to head back to the school. At this point, the black kids are fucking going apeshit, the rest of us basically hoping these fuckers would just die. So the bus driver turns down a side street, stops at the stop sign, next thing you know the emergency door on the back is wide fucking open and 15-20 black kids scatter and run all over the fucking place, jumping fences, cutting over peoples houses, just everywhere.

The rest of us are all sitting there scratching our heads and laughing. Driver proceeds to call it in, pulls the bus over and lets everyone off.

Never saw her again, supposedly she quit or something, she was just a mess after she pulled over. Still the shining moment of Highschool. Swear they robbed someone by the way they flew out of that bus.

Bus 32 Fuck yeah

Someone threw a shoe at a clock and broke it while the teacher was writing on the board.

Had a sub teacher, who was friends of a teacher who worked at the school for a long time, a guy called her a slut and she broke down into tears and never came back.

The teacher who had her friend subfor the school worked at the school for years. One year our class never shut up and she said "If you dont want to be here why dont you just leave?"
The whole class except 3 people left, she then burst into tears and kept saying "This is the worst class i've ever had!". She quit not soon after that.

In another year the head english teacher (who was having an affair with the vice principal, they were both married) came into school completley drunk and got fired.

Someone in my friends woodwork class was being a total dick to the teacher and wouldnt move, the teacher comes over to him, yanks the chair out from underneath him and throws it across the room. He never came back either.

Some like, 14 year old chick made a video of her sucking another guys dick in one of the classrooms, that got spread around quite a bit...

One time we were working on flash animations, and of course one of my friends made a short flash of a penis ejaculating into a mouth, gulping it all up, with name labels for the penis and face of people from the class (they were friends). Well, being the idiot he was, when the bell went we all left and he didnt turn it off. Teacher found it, showed it to the principal, had a little discussion and that was it. Funny stuff.

cant really think of anything else.

>>2752873
I don't know, for some reason it sounded like he was being intentionally vague about this guy's identity elsewhere.

I don't give a shit and from the sound of it this professor wouldn't either, but I just got the impression the poster did for some reason.

>>2739651
ASUfag?

OP is some newfag action yo

>>2752686 >A
>>2752715 >WE
>>2752719 >SO
>>2752727 >ME

tell more!

My senior English teacher's name was Koch (pronounced like you think it is), and she kept you busy. When my Nazi ACDEC coach drilled me on why I had done the least studying, I shouted without thinking, "But I've got KOCH!"

>>2736741
pretty sure every teacher ever was that frank about the moby dick symbolism in cuckoo's nest

One time during my first semester business class, some idiot says some stupid joke and the professor heard it. The proff then pulls out the student hand book and places it on the students desk and says" you can look through this all you want, there is no rule saying I can't throw you out this window" (were on the 6th floor)

>>2736610
Have you ever heard of improveverywhere?

>>2751758
i dont get it.. is it supposed to be ironic that you picked that song ??

I had a physics teacher in high school that came in dressed like Ozzy Osbourne, wig and all, and he gave an entire physics lesson while slurring all his words and all, doing his best imitation. At the end of the class, he pulled out his electric guitar out of one of the storage closets and started jamming.

I dunno if this is funny so much as awkward as all get out...

Back in 9th grade my geography teacher was giving a powerpoint presentation about different climates and every slide had pictures on it. One had a picture of a dog playing in some snow and immediately all the girls in the class went "awwwwwww!!!" Without missing a beat the teacher said "Yeah, right after we took that picture we took the dog out back and shot it". The room was so quiet and all the girls had horrified looks on their faces... except for me because I laughed really loud. Then they all turned around and glared at me. His delivery was perfect! I couldn't help it!!

When I was a freshman in High School about 4 years ago, my english teacher was gone for 2 weeks on jury duty for some big trial. We had Ms. Mally for 2 weeks, she seemed nice enough, but she would not shut up about how excited she was that her boyfriend had just proposed to her and she was going to be in love forever.

A few years later: http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/111353

Teacher: Close the window, it's cool enough in here.
Me: Not as cool as me!
Everyone laughed so I guess that makes it a success, although I did get the feeling of being laughed at rather than with.

This girl bent over in front of me and her ass touched my dick. She didn't seem to notice.

>>2753759
wtf? She was already married and going around bragging about being proposed to?
"She appeared in court with her husband and kept her eyes focused on the judge."

This thread is fucking awesome, my stuff isn't nearly as funny as the stuff some of you guys have been through, but I'll share nonetheless.

The last 2 years of Uni have been largely uneventful in lectures, but College (I'm a kiwifag, translation for Americans: HS) had some entertaining things.

Once in maths some crazy asian guy who mostly kept to himself went batshit insane and attacked a friend of mine, kicked him in the chest etc. I pulled him off and pinned him to the ground. By this time the entire class is out of their seats helping me pin the guy down,helping my friend or just watching. A full minute after this happened the teacher finally noticed, he was staring at something on his desk the entire time. That teacher was a dopey fuck, no one learned anything in that class. I think he got fired the year after.

One science teacher I had was a bit of a stereotypical mad scientist. He didn't pay attention most of the time and let us muck around with chemicals. We watered his plants with acid and welded metal implements to the metal sinks with a dozen or so power packs linked together.
A couple of years later he went off the deep end and drank a bottle of HCl acid in class, he didn't die, but he sure wasn't mentally stable.

In a different science class I was a more than a little careless with chemicals:
Boiling alcohol and acid in a test tube led to it exploding out the end and scorching the wall.
Another experiment with boiling alcohol led to a pillar of fire when tall beaker overflowed onto a bunsen burner.
I held my thumb over the end of test tube which was producing some yellowish gas, I wasn't actually supposed to and ended up with a yellow thumb.

One retarded fat kid got a lot of shit from some other guys and attempted to commit suicide by climbing the smoke chimney from the furnace. He got as far as humping the base of the chimney.

Aus fag here
nothing really exciting happened at my years in high school either really
My old computers class in yr 11 was the funniest shit ever though, everyone was a gamer of some sort and the teacher was a gamer fresh out of uni teaching TEE to us, good luck with that
we basicly just played unreal tournament the whole time in class and ripped on the teacher for playing dungeons and dragons online (me and my mates are wowfags so yea)
also a fight broke out on the last day of school and i almost killed someone
but what ever
shit was so cash though

>A couple of years later he went off the deep end and drank a bottle of HCl acid in class, he didn't die, but he sure wasn't mentally stable.

Perhaps a dangerous prank on his students. HCl is what is in your gut, and presuming that it isn't very concentrated, drinking it will be no worse than really bad reflux.

Don't try this at home :(

Mr Berryman, best bio teacher (and all around good guy ever) - we're discussing evolution and interesting things species have developed in the name of survival.

Flying squirrels have retractable testicles.

a) that's an awesome sentence in the first place.

b) Having your bio teacher demonstrate why a flying squirrel needs retractable testicles by pretending to be flying with his arms and legs spread as he runs towards a protruding corner of the wall (the "tree" to land on) and then "landing" on the corner by grabbing it with all his limbs while saying "So you see - squirrels without retractable testicles pretty much just hit and then <gaaaaaaaaaah>" and he made suffering noises while sliding down the wall and falling to the floor. "which made them more susceptible to predators..."

He didn't actually rack himself on the wall, but as impromptu lessons about the world - and improv pantomimes go - we couldn't fucking breathe for 10 minutes afterward.

He was the best teacher I've ever encountered - really inspired me to care about stuff, and could explain things in a way that made sense - not just repeat the bullshit in the book.

I was in history, and we were having a quiz on the stuff we'd been learning about the Russian front in ww2. For those that don't know, the German invasion was codenamed 'Operation Barbarossa'.

Anyway, we're sitting there and the teacher makes it very clear that were to keep quiet, and that it's about trying to get the right ideas down (short answers and facts only) that spelling's not that important etc. We only have a certain amount of time and a bunch of quickfire questions. The whole class is getting a bit competitive about it for some reason.

question 5 or something is what the german invasion was codenamed. In the silence the guy in front of me puts his hand up, and in an eager and completely no-fucking-clue-what-effect-he's-having way asks with a completely straight face

"Miss, how do you spell Barbarossa?"

Entire class lost it for about 5 minutes. We got complaints from next door for how much we were laughing at him.

muteblockprevention

Epic thread is epic. It may not be Pewpew, but I laughed quite a lot at some of these stories.

In College, I took a "Human Sexuality" class, which is exactly what it sounds like. The teacher was this old lady in her 70's who knew pretty much everything about sex (she used to joke that half of her students joined the class just to get couples advice from her) and her name was Lipoff.

One time, one of the students acted as a guest speaker, because she used to be a professional dominatrix. She told us a bunch of stories, and one involving an unnamed famous politician. I think he liked to pretend he was being punished by his mom, but I'm not sure.

At our school it was common to drink milk, which was sold in 1/4 liter units. Someone hid their box in a hole in the ceiling, 6 months later he took it down and placed it in the middle of the hallway.

A girl kicked it, not knowing how foul it was, and it basically exploded. The stench was so bad that the entire floor was evacuated.

Once my class went on a camping trip to "get to know each other". Some guy got the bright idea to hold up a spider in his hand and show it to a girl who was chopping wood. Good thing she had horrible aim, because she tried to kill the spider with her axe...

>>2753875

You have to be one of the dumbest mother fuckers ever.

The first day of uni we had a massive party, so many of us were hungover at this orientation thing at 9 the next day. We were about 150 people sitting in an auditorium when suddenly this hungover bitch pukes all over herself and the people sitting in front of her. Everyone started laughing and pointing at her as she started to cry and ran out. I think she was the first to drop out.