"I'm going to beat the living shit out of you if you do that"
"You're a god damn son of a bitch"
I don't think she saw the irony in the second one. I just don't believe in using profanity with kids.

"Because I said so"
If I can't explain why I want my kids to do something, I won't ask them to.

"Okay, fine. We're going! Bye! I guess we'll just leave without you!"

So cruel.

Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

"One day, I'll fucking jump into your room and stab you repeatively with my 5 inch knife, you shit-pants snot-nose little motherfucking niggerkikecracker. I'll draw a pretty picture with all the blood that spews out of your body. "

"Do you want to walk home?"
"My house, my rules."
"You want allowance? You have to work for it."

"You're gonna get hit if you don't stop that."

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

when they clearly heard you. over and over.

"You should think about taking up the Viola."

"If you you aren't quiet by the time I get over there, you're going to regret it."

"It's okay if I touch you there"

"I'm not going to vote for [insert politician here] because he's a [insert religious preference, race, and or friends when he/she was twelve, terrorism]"
"Stop defending your sister, your not part of this conversation"
"the stork"
"of course santa is real"
"You're coming to church with me today"
"do you have any pride in yourself at all?"
"you embarrass me a hell of a lot more than I embarrass you"

i hate my mom

You're going to be a horrible parent if you think those are bad things.

>>2484283
I donno man, I really don't think telling kids you'll stab them is productive..

>>2484283

the first two are reasonable for a parent to say, but no parent should want their child to be a cheerleader

>>2484283

They were just repeated so often they became immensely annoying. Personal thing.

>>2484292

my parents threatened my all the time with stabbings and I turned out ok. although they got stabbed to death in a completely unrelated incident. my dad fell on a pair of scissors...six times, and my mom fell down the stairs onto 14 steak knives.

yup, i turned out just fine.

>>2484308

Maybe you should have took a hint and realized someone thirty years older than you knew better.

>"Finish that whole plate or you're not leaving this table."

I guess you never read green eggs and ham.

Not now, I'm busy.
You did that on purpose.
Who do you think you are, somebody special?
Where did I fail?
Wipe that smile off your face.
Boys don't do that.
How could you do that after all I've done for you?
You heard me.
Sorry isn't good enough.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself.
Aww, too bad. I guess you have the meanest mom in the world.
How can you stand to live like that?
Act your age.

stabbity stab stabbity stab stab stab stabbity

god I want to stab someone right now.

yup... turned out juuuuuusst fine

"i raised a son for nothing"

the classic "why can't you be more like..." fuuuuck, pissed me off.

"Because I said so."
"Because I'm the parent and you're the child."

Fuck /r9k/, you just reminded me what an old man I mam inside. I take care of my 7 yr old sister till my parents come home (about 4 hours), and realize I say all this shit to her.

Fuck little kids.

"Boys aren't supposed to play with another boy's penis."

There are reasons that these sentences/strategies exist:
*they are neccessary,
*they work (at least some of them).

*Kids hate them because it makes clear that they're not in charge,
*parents don't like them, because of their parents,
*parents use them, because children often don't know what's good for them or need to be put into place AND because they think, that if their way of upbringing got them this far in life, it can't have been so bad (everyone thinks that, probably because that's how society has worked for eons)

"Are you ready to get a mouthful of cum?"

My mom used to sing to wake my brother and I up. Double pain - she couldn't sing worth a shit, and it was always the same fucking song.

Waking up to something like an alarm clock is bad enough, but to a horrible singing mother was... we never forgave her for it. And I'll never do shit like that to my kids.

>>2484485
Yes, you will. And they will hate you for it and do it to their own kids.

>>2484479
This anon made my night.
A+++++ would lurk again.

"I don't care about 'all the other kids'"

"Why can't you get good grades like all the other kids?"

"If I include you it'll take 20 times longer and be 20 times harder."

"Why don't you just find the most popular girl in school and do whatever she does?"

>>2484243
Maybe you should fucking stop it, so you don't get hit? hitting children makes them learn better than the naughty corner. Fuck the naughty corner.

>>2484212

Maybe YOU should fucking listen to your parents when they say they have to go, and realise that your needs don't mean shit because you are to young to warrant any special privelages. You ruined your parents lives.

>>2484848
Sheesh, looks like someone was the result of a torn condom and a few too many bottles.

"Penis water."

No, seriously. Because pee, piss, urine, and the like were all too inappropriate and vulgar.

I've since developed a golden showers fetish. Thanks, mom.

"If you want to act in plays after school then I support you one hundred percent. I love you Jason."

THANKS A LOT BITCH

"It'll be OK. Just put this in your mouth and don't tell anyone."

>>2484848
I agree, as long as we're talking extreme situations.

One thing that my mother did to me, was forcing me to finish homework by having me sit where she could see me. Nothing wrong with that in itself, but it was for hours, without help and especially she DIDN'T say "Take a break, here's something to drink" or better yet:
"I've seen you desperately trying to write a story for two hours now and I know you always have a hard time being creative, so just stop now and I'll write the teacher a note, mentioning the care you put in it."

I mean, when my child sits 4 hours over a sensible assignment then there's something wrong and the child probably needs help.
Sorry for suppressed rage bubbling up, but that was not helpful. Not helpful at all. I still have too high standards and wish someone had told me, that the outcome will still sound the same to others if it's been written in the fifth of the time. FUCK! ALL THE TIME THAT'S BEEN WASTED INSIDE, TRYING TO FORCE WORDS OUT OF MY EMPTY MIND! LOST HOURS IN THE SUN WITH FRIENDS; IRREPLACEABLE HOURS -- CHILDREN NEED LEISURE TIME AND I'M ACTUALLY POSITIVELY RAGING NOW GGGARAARARRARRRARRRRR!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I'M GOING TO PUNCH A WALL NOW. >>:-(

"You're X years old now, why dont you understand that... bla bla bla"

>>2485238
GRAAWR, I KNOW YOU'RE ANGRY BECAUSE YOU PUT A FROWNY FACE, YOU MUST BE -SO- PISSED!

my fucking GOD, you guys had horrible parents!

You get that out in public again i'm going to feed it to the dog.

"Put a smile on you're face or i'll fucking care one into it" Said my mother once, whilst holding a knife.

Actually happened to me :( She was an awful parent, still is.

-I fall down when running or something-
"BE CAREFUL"
There's no "Are you alright?", just fucking shit advice.

>>2485296

Carve*

"you're going to make your father and i get divorced!"

fuck my parents
for srsly

"Grow up"
I hated that one.

"Do [insert task here]"

-You- reply "Yes, just a minute"

...exactly one minute later...

"Do it now, that's been a minute"

-You- reply "I'll do it soon when i'm finished [what you're doing]"

...one more minute...

"Stop whatever you're doing right now and do what I tell you to do"

Stands in room repeating self till you do it just to shut them up.

"It will only hurt the first time. I promise you'll enjoy it soon. *GRUNT* Don't cry, you're making daddy feel really good. You like making daddy feel good, right? You're my special little boy."

"It's lunch time!"


I'LL EAT WHEN I'M HUNGRY, DAMN IT

>>2484180
Any time I asked my parents anything, it was "We'll see" or "Ask your [other parent]." Goddamnit that shit was annoying.

>>2485277

When I was 6 years old my mom poured a bowl of soup over my head because I said I wasn't hungry and wouldn't eat it.

>>2484387
>>2484225

you think you're so funny, don't you underage b7?

reported, fag

>>2485277
If we had good parents, the changes of us ending up on 4chan would be substantially lower.

"Stop crying or i'll give you something to cry about"

"how can you be proud of yourself, you're a useless shit."
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
"You should have been drowned at birth"

seriously not cool.

itt: underage bans galore

>>2485495

That one made me rage, used to get that shit all the time. For fucks sake I was 6, I can cry over whatever the fuck I want.

``go jump in a lake

``pound salt

``cheese sandwich
(in response to whining, vis. w[h]ine & cheese pun)

this scares the shit out of me, because it's not just the saying but the internal state that I'm mimicking, which makes me think of how I felt when it was said to me, and how it must be making other people feel when I say it to them (with an aggressive tone)
``tough shit

I swear to god, up to when I moved out, whenever I argued something with my mom, her only retaliation was to say the EXACT SAME FUCKING THING BACK, in a mocking 5 year old voice.

'Mom, I'm 17, why can't I still go to sleepovers?'
'muom eeeeem seventeeeeen, whai caint i stiul gow too sleipowverss???'

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"Stupid, Worthless, No-Good, Goddamned free-loading son-of a bitch, retarded knowitall asshole jerk"

Man. I was never abused physically or verbally, and I'm feeling kind of left out now.

"If you tell anyone about the photos the toothfairy will take away all your teeth and you wont be able to eat"

>>2484224
;_;

mootbawwwwlcks

>>2485600

FFFUUUUCK I hated when my mother did that.

She grew out of it when I moved out, and now she's not nearly as much of a bitch.

Another gem was shit like "We'd be able to afford it if we hadn't had kids," "I don't get to do fun things like that because I went and had kids."

As though I just showed up out of her uterus demanding collection money. Christ.

>>2485556

Haha :D It did make me stop crying though, mainly because you can't cry and pull a "WTF?!" face at the same time!

>>2485542

Because noone has a long term memory, has heard parents comments, have friends tha have kids... ;)

>>2485296
Awww... why so serious?

"Eat all your food, there's people in the world that don't have any food to eat at all"


Then stop giving them too much and send the extra to the hungry?

"I paid for all your toys/stuff so really it belongs to me and I can take it all away whenever I want"

Awesome knowledge my Dad shared with me that I definitely will pass along:

"You have to learn to fight boy because one day we will ALL have to fight when there's no more civilisation and other people will want to take our food and housing for themselves"

"The Dinosaurs will be back one day"

All 100% true

>>2485739
does your dad store his money in jars planted in various underground locations in the backyard?

Somehow, I am not surprised that a board with so many socially maladjusted people had terrible parents.

]You should visit you gran more often, she's getting old and could die soon[

WHY DID MY MOTHER TELL ME THIS WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD, BITCH

Well, I broke a bone in my foot when I was 12 (dont ask, pure skill) couldn't walk for 3 weeks, when I told her shortly after it happening I got "stop that you little cunt, you can't pretend your hurt cause I can fucking see through it"

oh yeah, age 9 almost crushed by a tree that fell about a metre away from me after it was hit by lightening.. "stop crying and get back to work you fucking little bitch"


hey, I might just generalize - if I have kids, Im not going to be borderline abusive.

>>2485849
>terrible

I object, the best form of parenting is through violence, threat and nonsensical phrases. Worked on me.

Don't you just hate someone who's got a screaming kid in a mall and keeps sayins "Stop it!" over and over again? A slap round the head shuts most of them up.

Can;t wait till i have kids ^_^

>>2485873
I was doing Christmas shopping the other day and some kid kept screaming about something. His dad stooped down and said, "if you don't stop screaming I'm going to kill Santa Claus when he visits us this year."

The little punk shut up after that.

"I'm right because I'm the adult and you are the child."
"I hate being around you because you're a bitch all of the time. I prefer spending time with Steven (my younger, autistic brother)."
"Stop criticizing me, I'm never wrong and you have no right to talk to me like that."

Ugh.

>>2485873
Everybody always goes "WELL I TURNED OUT FINE SO IT MUST BE OK", but for all I know, you could be a quivering sack of neurosis or one of those sociopaths, neither of which fall into the general range of what I'd consider to be normal.

Whenever my mother was losing an argument she sort of shakes her head very lightly. Like her head only moves back and forth a couple centimeters.

She also has this sort of tone in her voice sometimes, it sounds like a combination of smugness, attempting to guilt trip, and a small hint of anger. When she had absolutely nothing to respond with, or she knew she was being proven wrong, she'd just reply with that tone and say something like, "Oh, ok. Sure then." While doing her head shake thing.

Those two things combined would drive me fucking insane. Even now just thinking about it, I'm furious. I'm sure she did it when I was young, middle school age, but I didn't start to notice it until a few years ago, and often when she would do it I would have a very hard time NOT screaming or slamming doors. It's almost psychotic how much it would anger me.

You just can't understand why it drives me crazy without actually being in there. I don't even know why really myself.

My mom doesn't particularly say anything, but I hate it when she gets all pissed when I want to do something important at a specific point in time.

Today's examples:

"Mom, I need this book read by the end of break and I've been asking for it the last two weeks. Let's get it today."

"We don't have to get it right now! You don't need everything right now!"

...she won't get it if I decide not to tell her about it. She says she will, but it's never happened without me bugging her.

Also today was a battle over me cooking ramen. She got all pissed because I wanted to cook, and she had stuff all over. I understood, told her it's okay, I don't have to make ramen. That just pissed her off even more...

I hope when I have kids, I'm more understanding, lol.

>>2486001

nobody is normal dipshit

>>2486001
Violence really is the only way to straighten some kids out. My dad used to hit me when I really fucked up. At the time I thought he was an abusive father, but I'm thankful he did it now. Especially when I see all the people my age that act like they're 10.

it wasn't like he'd come home late at night drunk and just start pummeling me because I was awake or something. I definitely deserved the beating I got when I did get one.

For instance, one time I was punching him in the balls. I was maybe 11. Literally punching him right in the sac, several times. He kept telling me to stop, eventually he just slugged me right in the chest. Knocked the wind out of me and I sort of hobbled into my room crying about how I hated him.

Once he spanked me with a 2x4, one real hard smack right on the ass. I had forged his signature on an "error slip," for fighting in elementary school, I think I punched a kid in the jaw or something. So I get sent home with the slip for fighting, the slip I forged his sig on, and a 3rd for forgery. I had actually told him to use the 2x4 just to get it over with so we can just move on.

Another time he was going to spank me with it, he reared back for like 30 seconds just to tap me with it. It was worse than when he actually did hit me.

>>2485925
Haha, WOW, that is pretty great. My dad would always say he was gonna drill some holes into a 2x4 so it'd be really aerodynamic and sting like a bitch to use on me. But he never sounded angry when he said it.

"If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about"
and insisting they apologize to people for things they're not sorry for.

>>2485658
>"We'd be able to afford it if we hadn't had kids," "I don't get to do fun things like that because I went and had kids."

Your mom really fucking said this? Jesus christ.

My mom insists that her life is a fucking glorious paradise simply because of me. I tell her that she's just saying that because I'm her son and she's like "no that's not it". Even when I was younger I would ask her stuff like "What if you were really rich and famous if it weren't for me?" I mean I usually try to make a game out of it, I try to get her to admit that she just says that stuff because I'm her son. And really that's right, but that's a good thing to do. If she ever admitted that I was right it wouldn't bother me.

But just going around saying "I CAN'T DO THIS SHIT BECAUSE OF YOU" is pretty terrible.

"Now don't go do anything stupid boy, I'm too old to start over again!"

Dad... come on. Man.

If ifs and ands were pots and pans, the world would be a kitchen!

I can't remember anything particularly annoying from my past, but lately my mother has been really depressing. Every time I do something wrong it's always like "Fine, it's your life, feel free to fuck it up". It's like, even if I miss one (optional) lecture at uni she's like it's the end of the world. Apparently being top of the class is not good enough for her, if I don't happen to do everything like she thinks I should.

Me: i'm bored
Mother: Well count how many tiles are on the ceiling.

She always told me to count shit. And now It's all I think about when I'm bored. I count how any steps it takes to get places. I count everything. How useless of her.

I'm not forcing the delusion of "Santa Claus" on my kids. I'll probably just tell them Santa is just a symbol that represents Christmas spirit of giving or something cheezy like that.

>>2486108

Hmm..your dad beat the shit out of you, you hit a kid in the jaw.

Naw, it couldn't be a repeat in the cycle of violence.

SIMBA I AM YOUR FATHER


NIGGER BLOXCK

>>2485603
You forgot ugly, lazy and, disrespectful.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

MY PARENTS ARE SO MEAN I HATE LIFE SNIFF

"you'd like it if people stuck things in you, wouldn't you?"
"when I was your age, I had already tried to kill myself [x] times"

And much, much more, but I am already raging/internally bawwing. I fucking hate my mother.

"You're a disgrace to our family you spoilt miserable little brat." - Daddy

>>2485851

Because if she told you it after Gran was dead it would be pretty fucking pointless.

"Joseph isn't really your biological father. . . ."

That whole conversation really sent my life down a turbulent road.

>>2490649

Lol'd heartily, good story brah

I don't have any specific quotes, but generally, things like this:
-stacking a ton of things I must do - WHILE I'm already trying to fulfill one of their demands. I can't do my laundry/clean my room while I'm doing my homework. Remind me after I'm done, but don't add more shit to the queue, otherwise I'll forget.

"Hey kid, I fucked your mom last night. She took it in the ass like a champ."

Oh wait, I thought you meant things I swore I WOULD say to my kids.

You should go out more and be less of a loser.

/addiction

Boys don't do that.
You aren't a girl.
Faggot.

I love my parents.

Guilt trips in general

Took me way too long before i started wanting to punch those smug cunts in the face instead of feeling guilty.

I don't want a job where i have to put massive effort into every day, work long hours just so i can have a big house so fuck off and let me make my own decisions.

At Swimming Pool, a hoverfly has flown into the water

Me(age 9 or 10): I'm just going to get that hoverfly, it's drowning
Mom: Don't touch that it's a wasp you idiot
Me: No its a hoverfly, i can tell from its eyes (and seeing quite a few hoverflies in my time).

I reach down to pick it out when she slaps my arm and starts screeching at me, she then yanks me away from the pool. I never forgave her

That's it! Get in the car!
The next day:
Oh, you're still here?

>>2490261
BAAAAAAAAAAWWWW IF I REPEAT COMPLAINTS IN A CERTAIN TONE OF VOICE THEY BECOME INVALIIIIIID

"You should do it because you're a grown up now"
"We never lie you"
"Good, but not enough"

"You can live with me as long as you like"

Youre all fucking faggots.

Grow some fucking balls, they wanted a good kid and they got you, bunch of cry babies.

"OH, MY MOMMY DIDNT LET ME A FAGGOT WHEN I WAS A KID, BAWWW"

This doesn't really piss me off, but when I have kids I won't use any baby-talk with them. How the hell will they learn to speak if their parents don't speak like competent human beings? Furthermore, I don't like euphemisms for genitalia. I'll call their genitalia genitalia to their face, or penis or vagina or testicles or whatever is appropriate. They're better off knowing the right words.

>>2490130
Bah, I sure as hell loved santa.
He was a really cool guy and gave us presents and it was really nice to sit on his lap.
And when I go older it was very exciting to be asked to play in a single room with my cousins, JUST BEFORE santa would arrive.
Man, those were the days. We were like motherfucking james bonds, we'd try to hide and find out where santa comes from and we'd listen and peek through the keyholes! And recognizing my uncle's shoes on santa was a blast!
When we figured out who santa REALLY was.. that felt great. Like we had actually achieved something!

Christmas used to be nice, lots of relatives, much fun playing with cousins. Now so ronery. ;_;

>>2492140
I remember reading somewhere long time ago, that if you talk to your children properly and don't treat them like babies, they'll actually develop into smarter human beings. Might have been bullshit, though.

So, I'm with you. Treat children with proper respect, and maybe they'll turn into respectable fellows.

>>2485603
hahah i lold

>>2492257
Yeah, I heard the same, but I didn't feel like saying so without a link to an article. However, now that we've both heard about it, it must be right.
I think if my children are anything like me they'll prefer normal English.

>>2490130

If you do that, then your kid will start telling other kids. Have fun getting a shitton of angry parents off your back D:

"Are you gay?"

"You're going to be like that someday!" (after seeing a really fat dude on television, I'm a little overweight but I exercise regularly)

Yeah, fuck you too mom.

"Stop acting stupid."
I would get upset when they called me stupid when I couldn't tell them they were stupid, but my mother always defended herself saying, "You're ACTING stupid, I'm not saying you ARE stupid." SAME FUCKING DIFFERENCE MY LITTLE EIGHT YEAR OLD FEELINGS WERE STILL HURT

"You are so goddamn retarded."
"why can't you be more like ___"

>>2484324
>>2484324
At first I was like :|,

and then, I LOL'd.

What a glorious image.

>>2485222

This is ten times funnier than everyone's overplayed molestation jokes

Mom:

-"how was your day son"
-"don't treat your friends like that!"
-"Anon middlename lastname!"
-"how was the test"
-"WHY ARE YOU MAD? YOU CAN'T BE MAD, TAKE OUT THAT LOOK IN YOUR FACE!"
-"Any girlfriends yet"
-"that sounded gay"
-"Are you looking at little kids cartoons?"
-"YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER"
-"You hate me don't you?"

Dad:

-"Don't worry son, I'll be home right away"
-"I swear I won't drink tonight/again"
-"YOU IDIOT"

I FUCKING HATE YOU BOTH, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

>>2492543

They can kiss my ass, because I'll raise a kid the way I see fit.

My grandpa used to tell me that the thunder god stole his belly button. You know how old people wear their pants up high? Yeah. Fuck you OP, I'm doing that to my grandkids someday.

>>2494508
Agree strongly with this anon, but I'll make sure my kid enjoys chrismas like no other kid.

>>2494567

Lol, will do that too.

"*insert something here*"

"but mo-"

"NO BUTS"

"this is im-"

"BE QUET DON'T BACK TALK"

"SERI-"

"ARE YOU GETTING COCKY"

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I NEE-"

"TO YOUR ROOM"

and then 10 minutes later something bad happens due to her not listening to me and she's oblivious that it happened due to her ignorance.

"I wish you'd never been born"

>>2485296
She sounds lovely and caring. Why the knife, was she cooking?

>>2485315

Oh.

Well, if I were ever to have kids I wouldn't try to "encourage" them to succeed by putting them down or telling them what career to choose.

didn't happen to me but a saw a kid racing through a store with one of those little shopping carts at an alarming speed and erratic routes. The dumbass mom just says "careful or you'll hurt yourself". Not a mention about knocking stuff over or hurting someone else, just a bunch of egoism. that pissed me off.

*deep voice*
"I am a witch that took over your mother's body! Bwahaha!"

Always made me cry.
I was fucking 4 years old, you sociopath!

>>2494814
Also...

"That career will lead you nowhere! You shoud choose X, it will give you more opportunities!"

>>2490261
Are you this guy's mom?

>>2485600

>>2492257
I refused to let people use baby-talk with my son. One time, my wife's friend was over when I came home, and she was talking in this cutesy-babbling kind of way and I tore into her about how awful it was that she was talking like a retard to my kid, and if he started talking like a retard because of her I would slap the shit out of her, so she should just talk like a regular fucking person and stop being a bitch.

She didn't say another word, and left immediately in tears. That's when my wife told me that her friend had a speech impediment.

;_;

>>2484225
fucking tripfags....

skjvb

>>2495010
Oh I laughed. Thanks for that.

>>2495010
you're so harsh

>>2495092
I asked her nice one, and then firmly a second time, but she wouldn't stop!

>>2495140
*nicely once

>>2495149
She probably tried! BUT SHE HAS A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT

My parents are actually pretty good I guess. I do wish they didn't make such a hassle out of the looking gay/like a girl stuff though. Having a penis and wanting to stick it in girls is straight enough for me, fingernail polish won't have any bearing on that.

>>2495165
Learn to interpret the order of events, kthx

Mum-

'You are so horrible all the time. I wonder where I went wrong.'

'Why can't you just be NICE?'

'I just want you to be a good, honourable, decent person.'

'Why are you so angry?'

I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE EMOTIONS, FUCK.

Tone of voice makes it 50 times more irritating.

Also piano lessons. Being forced to sit in a room with a shit for brains teacher and learn crappy twinkly fairy shit instead of real piano playing to earn some shitty pieces of paper that tell everyone else how much better I am at piano than them.

Then having my mother, who knows NOTHING AT ALL about ANYTHING MUSICAL try to moniter my practices for 2 years, saying stuff like 'TOO FAST!' or 'TOO HARD!' in a stupid, whiny voice when she had no idea what she was talking about.

Dad just used to whine about trivial bullshit the whole time, expect everything done perfectly his way, blah blah blah.

I basically didn't communicate with them this summer - If I hadn't got into uni, I probably would have moved out all the same.

>>2495010
I think you were absolutely correct. If she can't handle to be reminded of her brothers speech impediment then *she* has a problem. It's not like you directly called him a retard, Maybe her brother (if otherwise healthy) will actually hate it too if people get all pityful and supportive.

Anyway, I bet that you'll choose your words more carefully from now on.

Me: I love you Mom
Her: I'm sure you do ( sarcasm)

>>2495469
I'm thoroughly convinced that nobody can read on this board. There are three people involved in the story: myself, my wife, and her female friend who has a speech impediment.

>Anyway, I bet that you'll choose your words more carefully from now on.

It was ten years ago, and no I won't, so go fuck yourself.

Why so Serious?
Brb Boat bombs

>>2495520
durrr, I totally misinterpreted that last sentence.
I read it as "That's when my wife told me that her (visiting friend of wife) friend (significant other of visitor or some other guy) had a speech impediment."
Then I only turned "friend" into "brother", because I took some time to write my comment.
I think I got it now, thanks.

>>2484180
Do your duty.
My dad told me that when I was 3.
I had no clue what it meant. I was just wondering why my dad told me to "do my doody".
If I wasn't scared he would have reached through the phone to punch me in the face, I would have laughed.
When I realized what he actually meant,(This happened years later as I was too afraid to ask what he was talking about,) I thought "What a stupid thing to say to a three year old, you know he's going to laugh."

"Because I said so" - teaches bullshit logic :P

"If you're honest we won't punish you" - I intend to mean that when I say it.

"You can go find a place to live then"

"Don't drink or get into shit, just because you're on your own doesn't mean I'm not responsible for your actions"

"Your father and I are getting a divorce"

>>2496014 "Don't drink or get into shit, just because you're on your own doesn't mean I'm not responsible for your actions"
Are you fucking serious?

>>2495943
lol ok then

>>2495990
>When I realized what he actually meant
And exactly what did he mean? What duty did you have at three years old?

>>2495010

what a dramatic tweest.

>>2490649
Hahahahaha! I lol'd. Cool story bro.;D Keep it up

Whenever I asked my mom why she has the right to do stupid things, she always replied with "Because I am your mom" made me raaagggeee even back then.

You don't eat fast enough, go to bed.
Turns out, my ritalin clearly listed suppressed appetite on the bottle as a potential side effect.

>>2484283
I actually tell children why I want them to do something.
Children tend to like me more than their parents/not need me ot repeat myself.

>>2484443

Those.
Also when they said:
"Don't talk back!"
"THEN WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING TO ME I MAY AS WELL LEAVE THE ROOM AND MAKE YOU DO YOUR MONOLOGUE!"

I actually said that as a kid but the logic totally went over her head. You may say I hated any kind of illogical, stupid power play..
Or whenever I felt something that my mom didn't know how to handle, she just said "WELL JUST STOP BEING/FEELING x!"
Gee thanks mom, I'll put on my robe and wizard hat and everything will magically go away!

>>2484357

Yeah, I don't know, even if you're little you realize that the equation "older people = more intelligent" is bullshit, once you see enough mistakes. You can't expect me to trust in your ability to be right when you've been so wrong so many times without not even realizing it. It's just statistically stupid.

"Go buy some beer."

What?

"Because I said so."
"You'll just have to see what it's like to not *."
"Why are you so damned STUPID?"

>>2497043
But yet, they've also been through childhood before, and hopefully figured out hope to cope with the problems you faced through hindsight. That doesn't mean they aren't going to fuck up with their present-day problems. Maybe they should call their parents up for advice :)

That being said, I have a rule with my son: Any rule that needs to be changed, I'll allow him to convince me with a reasoned argument. If it's sound, I will change the rule, even if I don't like it. I intentionally make some rules more restrictive than I think they should be, or rules that I think are bullshit, just to empower him.

Also, I always try to explain my reasoning, for any I tell him. Sometimes, though, it's useless to go over things again.

First instance:
"Zip up your coat."
"Why? I'm not cold."
"Because it's -5 out, it's not good for you," explanation of hypethermia...

90th instance:
"Zip up your coat."
"Why? I'm not cold."
"Just zip up your damn coat."

"You ungrateful bitch we are the best parents ever all we've ever done is love you and give you everything you wanted you're never going to amount to anything you fucking failure waste of life,"
"You're on anti depressants so every time you get legitimately angry at me for being a cunt I'm going to ask if you've taken your medication because everyone knows the major symptoms of depression are aggression and anger. Also every time I get angry I'm going to storm around the house calling you psychotic and berating you for having a mood disorder you can't control, while simultaniously treating it like schizophrenia because I'm afraid to admit the fact that I'm violently bipolar,"

and other classics

>>2497043
tyical p/r9k/etintiousfag

>>2497156

Yeah but it's their fault. If you put yourself in a God-like position ("I'm older, I'm always right! ALWAYS!") you better going to live up to it because I'm going to believe you literally. And at the first mistake you make, your position becomes a lie, and all your credibility is gone. Maybe next time you won't be so arrogant, will you?

>>2497223
Sorry, where was I arrogant? I think my description of how I handle my son is far from God-like.

There were a few things that my mom did that pissed me off, but the major thing that made me rage was when I was looking out the car window, being quiet and kinda sad, she'd badger me about what was wrong. After I made it obvious that I didn't want to talk, she'd start yelling at me to tell her, I would eventually start yelling back because it pissed me off, and then she would drive around the loop, yelling at me until I told her.

Gee, kinda defeats the purpose of asking what's wrong, you bitch.

This thread made me realise how much i love my mom and dad, i can't think of any sentence that would've pissed me off, there were some things i didn't like but no verbal abuse.

>>2484485

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck singing parents are the fucking worst

559-455-8284
Kevin
15yr old - has mom tated on his chest - doesnt drink or smoke weed - got caught masterbating in the bathroom by his mom as well

Call him and make fun

"It's not too hot, don't be silly. Eat it up."

"Just ignore those bullies."

"What happened to my little boy? Hmm? Where'd he go? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?"

>>2497296

Ehm, I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to parents who do that. Mine did that sometimes and it never worked. Thank god they were usually better than that.
Btw I approve of your methods but I don't know how the "fake strict rules" will work. Couldn't that lead to the kid always thinking that you're like, testing him, even when you're not? It could get really annoying.

you're 26, why aren't you married yet? and when are you moving out, goddamn

>>2497353
>>2484485
My mother likes to sing and whistle, but she;s not very good at either. It's very fucking annoying, but I never say anything because it makes her happy and she is MY GODDAMN MOTHER AND I LOVE HER. Fuck.

But yeah, I will never belt my children until they get welts, physically fight them, or ignore any cries for help.

That said, a bop on the ass can do wonders sometimes.

>>2497365
I don't know if it's obvious to him that I'm testing him or not. Honestly I don't care, since he's developing critical thinking skills, especially in matters of authority. Even truly wise adults who are well-meaning fuck up sometimes. That's a good lesson.

A secondary consequence, is that he doesn't argue if something is merely unpleasant. He'll think it through, realize it's not a horrible rule, and accept it. If he's arguing, I know he really believes it is an unfair rule. In the end, I think it helps us understand each other better.

My girlfriend's mum could beat almost all of these hands-down.
-attempted murder
-pederast
-aiding suicide
-withholding medical care
-not feeding her
-verbal abuse
-physical abuse
-adultery

and there's more I can't remember right now.
all examples I've read pale in comparison.

>>2497379
Spank early, spank often, and never have to do it again :)

>>2497407
>adultery
She cheated on her daughter?

"Dad, I want (insert food item, or something else here)"
"Well, the people in hell want ice water."

"I wish you were never born."

"If I hadn't had you sons of bitches, I could do whatever the hell I wanted."

"You haven't made a right decision since you were 12."

"You live your life wrong."

"Everything you do is wrong."

"I've failed you as a parent." or "Where did I go wrong?"

"You're a failure." or "You're a worthless piece of shit."

All quotes from my dad.

>>2497407
>pederast

>Pederasty or paederasty refers to an erotic relationship between an adolescent boy and an adult male outside his immediate family.

>>2497418
Bingo. I let my little brother know early on who was boss, and while he usually doesn't give a shit what my parents say, you better believe he jumps when I tell him to.

"when you become older you'll understand"
"i'm too old to change"
"i promise. this time i'll be there"
"you guys have no idea what poverty is like. money is much more important than you think"
"If you don't come in the top 3 i'm gonna be very dissappointed"


i love my parents, but the fuckers don't know shit about parenting. I love you, dad, but you tried to force your priorities into mine. I am not you, i am me, and it makes me feel horrible that i have to disappoint you every time i'm not the best according to your standards. Please realize this before you die.

Thanks a lot, op. you successfully turned me into a fag. I need a hug.

'The dog is our best child'

'I'm going to die soon.'

'We're all going to die soon.'

'You could die right now.'

"this is my house and you better follow my rules"
stfu bitch or ill do bad things today!

>>2497523
wtf is wrong with your family?

If you dye your hair black again, I'm kicking you out of the fucking house. (I was 15.)

"The wrong son died."

>>2497540
whiny bitch why did u die yer hair black?

>>2497528

My parents have always tried to instill me and my brother with a strong sense of mortality.
Also, they really like the dog.

''I am going to kill you''
''Get out of my house''

"Why can't you be like your sister?"

>>2497552
lol. i'm this nigger >>2497515

'Wash your hands after you play with that.'
'Why?'
'Why? Do you know where it's been made? Somewhere, with some China-man with his fingers up his ass. *wriggles fingers*'

>>2497569

Nice.
I've had experience with this one too:
>If you don't come in the top 3 i'm gonna be very dissappointed

but I think it's more what they're thinking opposed to saying out loud.

>>2497523

I don't know why but I lol'd hard at the last one.
moooootblooock

"Clean your plate, young man"
"There are starving children in Africa/China/Malaysia"

Now I'm 50 lbs overweight. THANKS MOM.

Otherwise my parents were okay, despite them being divorced. Oh, and one time my mom told me about something my great-grandfather said, "When you're old you can do whatever the hell you want, people will just think you're senile." I'm gonna be the best motherfucking grandpa ever.

"Do you know what a broken condom is?"
"How did you get out??!"
"Be quiet or they will hear you"
"STOP BLEEDING"

My mom whenever I call telling her I'm coming home late:

"I'm going to kill you as soon as you get home!"

Oh yeahhh, that's gonna make me rush home faster.

the only thing that really got on my nerves is when they would call my name every couple minutes when the food was ready and even if i responded they would still call my name until i went down there...Fffffffffffff god damn that shit would get on my nerves

My parents were very fussy on ettiquite for eating walking talking etc...but other than that i was a pretty decent kid, they had enough to deal with, due to my troublmaking older brother, i was one of those "good kids" that never gave anyone problems. i jsut didn't get in anyones way.