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11/24/08(Mon)18:13:30 No.2234667I'm an ex con. I dont get to be normal. "the society" has labelled me as many things, normal is not among them. I
have absolutely no problems interacting with people but I dont relate
to them at all, everybody seems so sheltered. I even joined the army
back when I first began to "reform" myself (I did this as a form of
penance basically, to pay back all the faceless people I hurt that I
would never even know to appologize to) and even most of the people
there seemed so small and predictable to me.
But I dont really
give a shit about being "normal" persay, I just want to either have a
positive impact, or no impact at all in my dealings with the rest of
the world. But I cant, I just cant be a casual observer. I dont even
know how.
I feel normal when I am alone though. In public I am a
really outgoing guy, I come up with all this shit on the spot and
people like having me around. I sort've just go into this mode, I cant
even properly explain it, people get excited when I come to their
parties and tell me how great it is to have me around but when I am
alone I cant understand how I do what I do, and I am actually kind've
afraid that the next time I go out, I'll just have nothing, I'll just
be boring and standing there like an idiot and not be able to live up
to a reputation that other people have foisted upon me. If I actually
sit down and try to think up something funny I usually cant, but the
moment I am around a bunch of people it just comes out like a hose has
been turned on and I couldnt stop it if I wanted to, I am compelled to
make people laugh and think, its the only time that I dont feel
nervous.
So yeah, not normal. pretty fucking far from it. |