Put my grandma's bra on.

i jacked off in my parent's kitchen

Go to /d/ and masturbate to futa.

Totally straight, btw.

>inb4 cum in won mouth.

I love Weird Science

That is all

i fucka e awoman, ?? bro?

y auu wh wtf ur weirsdo s fuckied up? ghehe

Masturbated in the bathroom of a train I was on, while there was a line waiting.

Not that messed up.

Took out my snake (the pet reptile) and let him slither all over my snake (my cock).

There were some tights left in a London Youth hostel shared shower I stayed in. I came all over them, while sniffing them.

Jerked it in a Christian student center

Masturbated while driving my car on the highway

Almost crashed

i ship dat duo fuggin muhfugga shit fuckin fap wite shit aite fuggin wite shit fo champ ass nigga muhfugga

jerked off while a girl was in my bed.

>>1842389
Wow. That is fucked up, man.

>on 15 minute break at work
>windows on car are frosted over
>sit in parking lot and have a quick fap

>>1842285
>This was me a year ago
>Sucked three dicks since

I jerked off my best friend.

>>1842410

aite damn ho fuggin god damn

masturbated at my mom's friend's house. thankfully they didn't catch me i think but it's still embarrassing.

Paid a hooker to lick and finger my asshole, and I farted in her mouth while she was doing her thing. She was a real champ about it, though. She just kept going.

Put a carrot in my ass and fapped to pictures of JLH.

Came buckets.

having sex with a woman, who was 13 years older then me (I was 19 during that time).

Wanked it to bestiality porn.

Jerked on a school bus. I came inside a hole in the seat:

>>1842687
Yeah, this and one time I tried to rape one of my friends (yes a girl) but she actually wanted it so we just had sex. We were fuckbuddies for awhile after that, shit was cool.

Mixed pee and saliva in a bottle and poured it over myself.


>i still have nightmares ;_;

I've jerked off at work twice.
The second time was because a hot girl with big tits and a cute face wearing short-shorts and a tank-top conversed with me while I made her a sandwich.

I work at a mom-and pop grocery store, before anyone asks.

Jacked off to MLP:FiM futa porn.

put a hole through my wall into sisters room, the hole was bigger on my side so i could adjust to where she walked in her room

> parents found it
> major shit storm

> go into bathroom
> notice empty hole supposed to be for pipe
> IDEA
> sister has bath
> i get ladder and go into attic
> stare at her tits
> get out of there

(second time i did it)

> go into attic
> staring at sisters tits
> look at her eyes when...
> SHES LOOKING BACK AT ME
> she says "hi anon, come down from there and walk in"
> i walk into bathroom with boner in pants
> she's kneeling in the bath
> she whips out my cock as i put my arm between her tits and rub her pussy
> she sucks me off and i come in her mouth
> she swallows and i proceed to go down on her, making her come

ok, not really, she went wide eyed and then i slink out of the attic and don't do again...

i have more

I've jacked off in church tons of times (in the bathroom or other rooms that are empty).

I've jacked off in school sooo many times (in middle school, during class too).

I've jacked off in other public places like parks and stuff, but yeah.

>>1842295

lol, one of the best films

i liked the part when they made the missile

Grinded and attempted to finger my dog, was way too high to actually do it, I barely remember it. I regret nothing, surprisingly.

I grabbed a random girls ass in the street. I apologised when she turned around and said I thought she was somebody else (I didn't). I 've felt pretty guilty about it ever since.

>>1842827

What the fuck? No matter how horny I was it wouldn't make me want to grind a dog. Jesus christ, man.

I went to reddit once OP

>used my own shit as lube
>shit/pissed my pants
>came in my own mouth and on my face
>fapped with my sisters dirty panties on my head while wearing one of her bras

>>1842886
From
>>1842827
I wear my sisters panties regularly and I nearly always at least eat cum from my hand regularly I'll get it on my face. I hate shit play but I have both pissed my pants and tasted my piss because I was told to when I was really horny.

Almost raped my by then unwilling and traumatized because of sexual abuse when she was a child girlfriend.

Six times.

Jerked it in my friend's car that was sitting in a parking lot while we were at a M:tG tourney. I smoked that morning and was feeling incredibly horny. I said I was napping and fapped instead with no one around. I walked around with cum-stained boxers the rest of the day.

>public hot tub
>pull down shorts
>stick dick in water jet
>came instantly
go try it, I swear to god I've never came so fast in my life.

>>1842866
Smoke pot, I'm not sure if its just me but I smoke quite regularly. It gets me hot 5 times out of 10 but when it does, it really does.

>>1842711

I gotta try this

>the thing I tell my friends
Fucked in a public restroom in a club with my then-girlfriend.

>actual answer
Carried on a months-long relationship cybering gay sex with another dude, switching off between being a very dominant masculine top and a very sissy bottom.

>>1842886
>fapped with my sisters dirty panties on my head while wearing one of her bras
This. I would do even when not too horny.
Switch out sister for cousin though.

As for me
>picked up friend's panties from off the ground and sniffed them
>masturbated with cousin's dirty panties
>lick the cum off my cousin's dirty panties
>force myself against the stairs to get a glimpse of my cousin in the shower
>look through the grate above the door to see my cousin changing. Fapping ensued.
Let's just say that the 2 years my cousin spent here was...interesting. Should've taken pics...

Masturbated through my hoody on a crowded subway. No one noticed.

Also did it on a bus many many times.

>>1842966

>implying that's messed up

sheltered, huh

>>1842952
>>1842938

Yeah I don't smoke weed anymore, but when I did, I'd get horny as fuck. I have no idea why.

>>1842870
you FIEND! That is beyond the pale

Posted on a classifieds board looking for men to meet up with (i'm male and was 17 then). Wasn't expecting to go through with it but ended up so horny that I went to a 55 year old guys house and basically let him molest me for a few hours.

Then I went home, cried and then fapped.

Went through my step sisters drawers, masturbating while holding, thats right holding not sniffing, their bras and underwear and stuff.

I fapped at work experience too when I was 15
In a london travel agents in the bathroom.

Used the girl from the cover of one of THE MILLIONS of brochures we had.

I was 14, bro talked a girl into fucking me (was virgin)
I fuck her in bathroom, got interupted twice, didn't finish.

Fuck her twice later and came in her both times not thinking.
I hope she didn't get pregnant.. that'd be bad.
And 2 of my friends fucked her after me, too bad for them, they used my jizz as lube.

Me and my friend just came from a school with the army. We got a hotel room and posted an ad on crigslist. A couple replied and he asked us to have sex with his fat ugly wife as he watch. We did I felt bad after and toward the end....

>>1842796

oh yes, my other one

> be 15
> recording sister in shower with phone hidden behind flannel
> her mate uses shower one day
> she pokes herself before going in shower
> record another of her mates getting changed in her room
> i see her tits, they're ok
> recorded mates MILF, nice ass and huge tits

i buy pen cam

> record sisters big titted mate change in downstairs toilet
> she didn't remove bra :(
> record sister in shower LOADS
> record her and her boyfriend fucking

i destroyed it out of guilt

> used to watch her change through keyhole
> saw tits and pussy irl a lot
> eventually all doors upstairs were changed
> i put small hole in her door
> saw her getting changed
> saw her and boyfriend fuck IRL!

i also used to listen to them fuck at night and get so turned on but also jealous, fap over her moans

> tfw this is the way i've came biggest loads than ever

also i recorded them with my mp3 player... right under the bed

she now moved out and i have stopped

I can list some.

>trying to x-ray pictures of female friends, their female friends and shit even when its almost impossible
>download sexsounds-moaning files, load up profile pictures of friends and fap to them
>trying to guess female friends password to her email and shit in hope to find horny emails
>find personal websites of female friend, try to get into the html shit to find some personal images only to see nothing and nothing at all
>stealing some really hot silk panties from my older sister, sniffing them, licking them, put them over my head like a gas mask, put them on and fapped while doing all this
>stole condoms from sister and her friends at home, tried to fap with them, didnt really work, sister got pregnant, lol
>our dogs had wound paws from the salt on the street for winter. so we put vaseline on their paws. stole the vaseline one night and tried to fap. it got warm, but i felt nothing
>did this again with a condom on
>spent almost two days awake on torrent sites, amateur sites, private amateur swinger sites to find the source of a couple of pictures that looked like a female friend
>laid down in bed of my sister and fapped when she was single, imagining having sex as a stranger with her
>stole her dirty diary, read it, put it in some mailbox a town away out of guilt and trolltastic mood
>hid in a bush in some neighbourgarden just to hear the neighbour fuck
>bought binoculars to watch young female neighbours undress. caught two fat young tittie monsters undressing after shower.
>watched people with that binocular outside of my home ( at a bus station and large carpark ). found many turks and arabs fighting at night, several old people meeting in secret and kissing, one wigger who got laid in his car and a fucking dozens of policeteams waiting, was so scared I stopped then

There is more, let me think..

Jerkd off into friend's girlfriends panties while their dildo was in my ass.

>>1843079


>made photos of my dick for some forum to rate it. got horny as fuck. forum got booted 2 weeks later. oh shit son
>printed out female faces and fapped on them
>at the prom I rubbed my dick slightly against the asses of the females in tight dresses as we waited in a line. fuck yeah
>almost spent all my small savings on tenga eggs, fapped for 2 hours straight to the thought of it, then canceled the order
>almost swallowed a hamster to get a handjob. got that handjob, but the hamster got dropped by the female, died
>tried to suck my own dick and succeeded. what a downer
>fapped and shot my own sperm that way in my mouth while pulling of some ninja-self-sucking roll, shamefur regret
>hermaphrodite webcam stream with anons, female with pussy and dick is fapping like a steamengine, pull down my pants and fap along
>missed school due to fap I couldnt finish

I think there is still more. What do you think, anons?

>>1843060

Do you still have the mp3 recordings? I love this stuff.

My junior year, 3 years ago, I talked my ex (think of the mind of a 10 year old in the body of a 17 year old) into riding with me into "town" after school. I pulled into the empty baseball fields, got into the back seat.
>Pulled her back there somewhat forcefully
>Removed her shirt, bra, pants, etc. somewhat forcefully
>Sat her on my lap and used her a fleshlight
>Pushed her on her back on the seat, sat on her chest, leaned forward and finished in her mouth.
Slightly hard just typing this.

>>1843136

This calls for an MS Paint demonstration, my friend.

>>1843119

no, my dad was a pedophile who used to molest me and my sister until i was put into care at 6, this is my foster sister in these stories

i find child porn disgusting and i feel rape is worse than murder because they've got to live with this for the rest of their lives, and the family and/or friends would probably be dead inside knowing a loved one was demeaned and degraded in some way.

my foster sister was raped, i know who by and i'm going to murder him (i think)

i could never do this to a woman.

and i want to lose my virginity to someone special (laugh i know, that'll be never, but i don't care, obviously out of ignorance because i really do)

>>1843163
>>1843163
What part, brah?

>>1843024

Oh yeah!

I just remembered, once fapped to my step sister's pain moans when she was going in to labour.

I hated her, but she had a nice bootay, so it was like I got something out of it and she suffered.

Winner winner

>>1843183

The position in the car.

>>1843174

Dude. Do you still have pictures or mp3 recordings of her having sex? We want them.

>Cum on own face

>Go on craigslist
>Set up a meet and fuck with a crossdresser
>Back out last minute

>Jack off while talking to ex girlfriend on skype
>Tell her I'm masturbating
>Ask her to stream videos we made of us fucking

>At friend's cottage with friend's family
>His sister brings a friend (about 12 or 13 years old)
>Go to the bathroom when everybody is asleep and fap to the thought of her

>Put finger in ass
>Put finger in mouth
>This is doing absolutely nothing for me
>Kind of gross too

>Put a pen in ass
>Butthole too dry, hurts

>Put brush handle lubed with shampoo in ass
>Shampoo irritated rectum/colon
>Hurts man

That about covers it..

Jacked off in the backseat of my parents' car while they were driving it. They never noticed.

Raped my cousin.

> Be 15 virgin
> wrap my dick in clingwrap pretending I've put on a condom
> grab my 2 hamsters and brush it along the side of my dick
> cum
> some of it gets stuck I one hamster's fur
> wipe it off
> days later, cummed portion of his fur starts balding
ohgawd

neverfeltsodirtyafterwards

>argue with gf
>she doesn't want sex this night
>still sleep in the same bed, turn off lights
>fuck pillow in front of her as I did before knowing her
>she learns the lesson

>>1843266

>Raped my cousin.
>dubs

We have a winner.

>>1843201

after i fapped to it i deleted it out of guilt, everything is gone

my foster sister stole a shit load of mine and my foster mums money, that caused some arguments.... here's a story

> sister borrows phone for two weeks
> i get it back, expecting pics
> find nude pics embedded in texts to bf
> the pics are now mine
> we argue once
> i threaten her with the pics
> say i'll upload to facebook with my reasons
> i don't
> fap to them a lot, don't delete them because they're for revenge
> just over 1 month ago
> find letter to her from psychologist
> she is depressed and has PTSD
> i delete photos

>>1843279

Anon, the Pillowrapist, getting girlfriends to fuck him no matter what.

>>1843339
Occasional, well-deserverd, soft beating helps.

>>1843389

Go make more movies, Sean Connery

>friend was taking a shower
>decide to go into the laundry room
>steal a pair of his mother's panties
>put them on and proceed to masturbate while wearing them
>holy shit I came buckets

>at home of hot female friend, she is in the shower
>bros visit me
>seconds of movie whispering plotting
>we call her on the mobile phone
>she goes out butt-naked
>we all see her
>she screams and closes the door behind her

Then he told held father and he almost beated the crap out of us. Still funny while it lasted, one good anecdote from the time I had friends.

I went to a small 'elite' liberal arts college, I'm talking maybe 300 people in a class. Fun but sheltered high school experience--no bad memories though.

So couple being tall, fun, black, and comfortable in my own skin with freshman hormones, I did a lot of insane shit:

>just smoked out with friends and high as fuck
>head to the quad to study language vocab; start pacing on a bench as I go through word lists repeatedly, zoning out
>hear a girl moaning loud, echoning
>40 ft away from one of the dorms--they're sort of apartment style, you can enter your room from the outside
>start getting hard while I'm pacing on the bench
>moans become more frequent
>high as fuck, horny as fuck, pacing on bench in full view of anyone who happens to be out
>not many out though
>more moans, dick pushing against pants
>kind of a big dick
>not even thinking, undo my button fly and pull my dick out and start rubbing it with one hand while pacing with a workboom in my other hand
>suddenly, door opens to room where couple is fucking
>guy walks out a bit, has a semi, rubs his face repeatedly
>doesn't see me
>girl comes out, laughs, grabs his ass and starts licking his nipple
>realize they both are definitely older, probably seniors
>she drags him back inside, door doesn't close completely
>I am seriously high as FUCK right now, horny as FUCK

>>1843533
>jump off the bench like a little kid and sort of shuffle up to their door while my pants are falling down to my ankles and I'm rubbing my dick
>laughing when I get to the door, so sexy
>full on zombie mode-not even thinking--too high too horney, I open the door and walk in
>girl is on her knees laughing while teasing the guys dick,
>girl goes 'mmmmmm' while looking me over, I start stroking hard now, high as FUCK, knock on the door for some reason (I'm inside at this point) then close the door behind me
>'Hey, I just...'
>guy comes over and kisses my neck while jerking himself off, puts his hand on my chest
>girl, wide hips, definitely half hispanic devours my dick
>eventually the guy lays on his back on his foton and jerks off while I fuck his girlfriend or whoever for about two hours
>I came in her once and came in his mouth once (he didn't ask, but when I pulled out of his girlfriend, he sort of opened his mouth and moaned while lying on his back watching us, so I walked over and the closer I got, the wider his mouth got, so I shot a load into him since he was at dick level)

That was probably the horniest I have been in my life at that point. Became pretty good friends with both of them afterward, introduced me to a looot of people. We all just got caught up in the moment and went with it, no regrets.

>>1843533
Damn, we have like 110 in my class. can't wait to get to Uni ad leave these assholes. Its full of elitest assholes, stubborn preppy bitches and pretentious morons with a distorted sense of their own intelligence. When the Uni offers came thorugh and the loner kid that most of them hate got Oxford while they don't even get their second or even third choices, its showed them that pretending to be smart doesn't do shit.

/rant over, fuck private schools.

>>1843544

flol what is this shit?

where was this?

>>1843580
I agree, with that few students, a LOT of highschool shit gets amplified--the false egos, the sexual stuff, the lack of motivation, the hyper ambition; things become surreal very quickly

I've got more stories like this, actually--I had soooo much sex at that school, but the whole experience taught me a lot about human nature that I cannot fucking stand, brother.

>>1843622
Well, I'm still a virgin and it doesn't seem like it'll change anytime soon. I have however reconnected with a few old stoner buddies from when I first started and I have actually been invited to my first two real parties in one month. Its the little things.

>>1843641
word, my legit core of stoner buddies were the kindest, smartest folks I knew my entire time there, and I generally met everyone--none of the stoner kids got caught in the finance trap, they were very focused on helping other people

the college thing was years ago for me, but I would definitely say that when you party--at least for one of the years you are up there--go very, very hard, because you don't get that time back. also, it's a lot easier to do when you are young (not that I'm old at ALL, but even being a few years older makes things much harder).

do a sport, lift some weights, always make sure you have alcohol and drugs on hand (you do have to do it habitually, but having them on hand is phenomenal with girls). also learn to mix drinks, girls will go crazy for that extra touch, you'll get mad puss

>friend's girlfriend invites me over to her place to play vidya because she's bored
>turns out she wants to fuck
>sure, okay

>Try hypnotist verbal masturbation thing on youtube
>Room is completely dark
>She starts counting down from ten
>Reach 0 and nothing
>Replay the countdown trying really hard to cum
>2... 1... Blastoff
>Torrent of cum comes out
>Feels different then normal
>Realize I was actually pissing
>Turn on light and the my legs, the floor and my chair is covered in piss
>Try and mop up the piss with toilet paper
>It's seeped into the chair and carpet
>Get hand soap to try and get rid of the smell
>Chair and carpet now covered in piss smelling foam
>Decide to finish myself off anyway
>Cum to generic porno while sitting on the floor next to piss foam
>Brutal realization of what I have done and a low point of my life
>Next day there is a piss stain on the floor
>Move my Bed over to cover it up

>>1843929
I pissed in the one girl who ever gave me a blowjbs mouth when she laughed at me. Good thing she had never blown, though I was cum master. I was too big too fuck her, turns out I'm 7inches and nearly 6 girth which I found out later was not huge but still bigger than average.

umm jacked off in the schools disabled bathroom.

It was only because my french class TA has a glorious huge black ass that she paraded infront of me and she rubbed my face stubble while telling me how much i'd grown up in her french accent. She left the school for like a year and when she came back i had facial hair.

Man if i hadn't been like 16 i could swear she wanted to fuck

>>1842426
I've fapped to futa plenty of times. Never wanted to suck, see, or touch an actual dick or dude or trap in any way. Never will.

got a blowjob from my mentally disabled neighbor when I was 16.

I agreed to date a short landwhale to get sex
>fat Girl that has liked me for awhile had just found out that my ex and I had broken up
>Starts talking to me a lot, saying how her and I should hang out some time
>tell her that she can come over to watch movies with me because I was hoping to get laid
>about 10 minutes into the movie we are making out
>lets me start feeling her up
>go to put my hand down her pants
>she stops me and says that she won't go any further unless we are dating because she doesn't want to be a slut
>......
>Me:"Well, you like me right?"
>She nods yes
>Me:"Well we could try dating for awhile
>Her:"okay"
>within 5 minutes we are fucking

It only lasted a litter over 2months because She was really psychotic, obsessive, and constantly talked crap about my close friends. She ended up breaking up with me, I found out from a mutual friend that it was because she thought that I would beg her to come back, and when I didn't she went into rage mode and basically became that creepy stalker type of ex
>feelsbadman.jpg

>>1844099
Lasted a little**

fucking typos

>>1844099

Hilarious. Sounds like you got exactly what you deserved for molesting the little pig.

Anally finger myself as a kid.
Smell and taste my own cum out of curiosity.

>mfw smells like cheeseburgers and fries

>12
>school trip to opera
>dark as fuck inside
>in huge auditorium with like 1000 people
>rub dick thru pants
>cum and make weird moan/grunt sound like uggggheeeannng
>i lol and watch the opera

>>1844168
She let me do it man, but yeah, I probably did deserve it, for unrelated reasons

>>1843929

OH MY GOD I DID THE SAME EXACT THING. I thought I was alone, damn do I know that feel bro. Fuck, I know that feel...

>>1843929
what is the verbal masturbation, how can i try it.

>>1842295
It has an oozingly cool theme song, as well as Kelly LeBrock.

while studying abroad in spain:

>bring girl home from bar
>she sucks me off, we fuck
>I wake up in the middle of the night, still incredibly drunk
>find take a piss, realize I'm horny as fuck
>walk down a hall to the living room and see some of my host-mothers panties on the floor
>pull down my pants, as I walk to the living room
>lay out on couch with panties over my face and pants around my ankles jacking off
>pass out

I think I'm going to try to have sex with my half brothers sister.


I have no relation to her...but fuck man, my half brother is like my full brother.

Jerked it in a movie theater to something that wasn't even sexy. I was 14.

When I was in high school I used to wear sweatpants and sit in the back and jack off all the time. As far as I know no one ever noticed.

>>1842256

Masturbated to some regrettable porn.

But, when I consider the shit I read on 4chan it makes me feel good about my self that I'm not a freak.

You're all freaks.

>>1849346
>You're still a fucking freak, like all of us

Jacked off to BDSM porn, borrowed my parents sex toys when they weren't home (they didn't hide them very well), stole condoms, tried a variety of kinky sex, omegle sex, chatroulette sex, etc.

fucked a hole in a rockmelon i brought for that sole purpose. i didnt eat it though so im not a freak.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantaloupe

Masturbated in the office bathroom, saved the cum in a plastic bottle then I poured it on one of my hot co-worker's soda bottle, she drank it all.

I did this a few more times until I guess she started to notice someone was screwing with her drinks and stopped leaving her bottle unattended in the office.

>Tried meth for the first time
>Broke into the next door lesbian house and stole their panties and socks while they were at work.
>Fapped in their dirty laundry
>Turns out I kicked their back door in, shat in the back of their toilet, and killed their dogs, too.
>I have no recollection of any of it other than the police knocking on my door to ask if I'd seen anything.
>Meth is one hell of a drug.

>>1848906
this reminds me
>be in movie theater
>can't get in to see the matrix movie because not old enough
>go see xman 2 instead
>jean gray, storm jiggling around on a huge fucking screen
>entire theater is empty
>horniness takes over, start touching myself
>dat jean gray
>soon my pants are undone and I'm full on jacking off
>take my time, jack off over 20 minutes
>finish up, watch more of the movie, get horny again
>walk up to the very back, facing a corner
>take off shirt, pants fall to the ground, jack off onto seat in the corner
>finish up, meet friends as they exit the movie

I seriously have no idea what. the. fuck.

>>1842256
>tried to suck my own dick
>sort of succeed

felt weird man

Oh man, I have a bad bad list.

>When I was 16, I fucked my 37 year old drama teacher, then the 54 year old librarian.

>Had three really fugly girls that were into me when I was a freshman in college. I gathered them up and said whoever was the kinkiest could be my girlfriend. Ended up in a fucking foursome with some hambeasts, all trying to one-up each other. I probably came 4 or 5 times that night, cause I basically could do whatever the hell I wanted to all of them, and I would tell them to do messed up shit (form a pussy eating triangle, etc.)

>Was dating a really dumb girl for a week or so, kept trying to convince her to let me put it in her ass. She wouldn't let me, so I crushed up some muscle relaxers and vicodin to mess up her judgement and relax her, and put it in her food. She was loopy and I said, "Baby I'm just gonna do it a little, promise you will love it" and I fucked her ass. She didn't argue. Told me the next day she was now an "anal whore" and wanted it all the time. Next time I did it her ass hurt like hell and she couldn't figure out why.

>Convinced a girl on a cross-country bus ride to fuck me in the bathroom by telling her she was the type of girl I could fall in love with.

>Was annoyed as fuck with this girl I was seeing and wanted to do something to make her leave me, so we were fucking and I pulled out and "accidently" shoved my whole dick right up her ass and pretended not to notice. When she freaked, I told her I was close and just power fucked her ass and came in it.

>Regularly pursued girls who were way below me in terms of attractiveness and convinced them to fuck me within a couple hours, just so I could have a different girl to fuck every time I got bored. Nailed like 40 different chicks one month.

>Made out with a crazy landwhale I met online, and got her to blow me at a park a couple blocks from my house.
>Before that I hadn't fapped for three weeks.

You can bet your ass as soon as she swallowed I told her I had to go. I "Walked home" the opposite direction of mine as she drove away. Deleted phone number, never talked to her again.

Every time when I'm reminded of it, I convince myself it never happened. It didn't, really. And don't you ever think of doing it either, r9k.

I poured vodka in my ass in an attempt to get drunk faster and I was horny.

It was a really fucking dumb move. Basically an enema that tore up my rectal lining and I was shitting out pieces of colon for 48 hours.

>>1843533
>MFW reading through that quickly, thinking you were talking about SENIOR CITIZENS.

stole an ex girlfriend socks and panties and came in them, then left them in her house the next time i was over

Had a dream that my neighbor's 13-year-old daughter wanted to touch my dick, but I wouldn't let her.
I woke up and jacked off to the memory.

>Parents away on vacation
>Just me and my sister
>She has her boyfriend over
>Woken up that night by her moaning
>Her room is right across the hall from mine
>Open my door to hear better, she has her bedroom door open too
>can't see anything because it's dark but the audio comes through loud and clear
>think I shouldn't be listening to this
>She's so loud it's impossible to ignore
>Have a raging hard on, can't take it anymore
>Fap by humping my pillow and fantasize that I'm the one fucking her

Felt really bad for a few days, thought I was a pervert for blowing my load while listening to my sister have sex and imaging it was me fucking her, now I don't give a shit. In fact, if I heard her again, I'd do the same thing.

I've posted this once or twice before I think. But here goes.

Used to work at an apartment complex. Basically, I had access to every apartment on property and could go in anytime I wanted for "maintenance". I've got a number of different stories.

1.
>hot Korean chick lives in this one apartment
>she's almost never home during the day
>go into her apartment to change the air filter
>go upstairs and find her underwear drawer
>find this little pair of black lacy panties
>go in her bathroom, wrap them around my dick and jerk off in her toilet

>>1850445

2.
>hot chick that worked in the office lived on property
>bitch is fine as fuck
>have to change the air filter in her apartment one day, she's up in the office working
>go up to her bedroom and start snooping in the drawers
>find a large pink vibrator
>take it to the bathroom with me
>find some of her dirty panties in the bathroom floor, sniff them and then wrap them around my dick
>jerk off on to her vibrator, rub that shit all over it real good
>wipe it off some, but still left most of my spunk on it
>put it back in the drawer and left
>mfw she turns up pregnant like a month later
I know it's unlikely to be mine, but goddamn was the timing on that hilarious.

>>1850458

3.
>our workshop was right next to the laundry room
>used to chill at the workshop and wait for good looking girls to come do their laundry
>most of them would drop the stuff off then come back later
>used to constantly snitch girls panties and jerk off on them, then throw them back in the washer or dryer
>one time this one fine little skinny bitch drops her laundry off, then leaves
>check through her stuff, find this tiny little thong small enough to be an eye patch for a squity-eyed old asian man
>stole that shit, took it home and had one of the best jerks ever
>bitch stopped leaving her laundry behind, stays with it now


Me and another dude I worked with also used to snoop in peoples shit in literally every apartment we went in if they weren't home. Nothing better than rummaging through peoples stuff.
I can't count the number of dildos and vibrators I found in dresser drawers. Matter of fact, the bitch that lived in the apartment under me, had this massive anal plug in the drawer. I mean this goddamn thing was like the size of a softball at it's widest.

>>1850482

I don't feel safe in my apartment anymore. If I caught you snooping around my place I would fucking kill you. I mean that.

>>1850517
Eh, you don't have to worry about me anymore anyway. I got laid of from that job almost 3 years ago now.

But that's not to say they're aren't others like me.
Just make sure you're home if you know maintenance is coming by to check something. Best advice I can give.

Was 13, slept in bed with mom sometimes when we were watching movies. Thought she was asleep. She catches me jacking it. She asks what I'm doing. I say Nothing. felt to weird to fall asleep.

I schlicked at my summer job, was in a room in an office at a desk but the door was open and the front wall was a huge window so I had to be a ninja.
That and schlicked on the couch under a blanket while my mom was on the pc facing the wall perpendicular to me. If I left the room it would have been suspicious, so I stayed.

>>1850482

This man = world champion

>>1850482
Dear god, how do you get a job like that?

Sounds fucking amazing.

>>1842256
I got married. :(

Went through a phase where I was obsessed with trying to suck my own dick. Finally, I got the tip in while jacking off. Jizzed in my mouth and almost through up in my bathtub.

>Jacked off in a movie theater while with my family
>" while on a road trip with my family. in.a.full.car
>Sleep molested friend's sister. she wasn't asleep...
>jizzed on a blanket a friend's house, folded it up no backfire
>anytime I wanked to hentai (very few) was awful
>wanked while imagining step sister. she was 9 I was 13
>anal play when i was around same age. upgraded to a plunger handle one day and never did it again
>laid completely naked with a girl in an apartment building lobby. we were like 7 years old. a guy walked in and pretended not to see
>think that if i think of a girl sexually with enough focus, she'll feel me having sex with her (dark times)

>>1850994
*threw up
as in vomit

>16
>horny as fuck
>in a frenzy induced by teenage hormones I stick my dick down a bottle of Vaseline, start jacking off
>decide it's not enough, take my hand and scoop up a large glob, lube up my other hand and cram it up my ass
>sit down in my chair and wack off with extreme force
>after finishing there's Vaseline, cum and even some feces smeared all over my chair, desk, monitor and floor.
>spend an hour cleaning up

>fapped on top of a hill overlooking two roads and a suburb, pants fully down, dick facing out to the cars a few hundred metres away
>pissed in public a few times
>fapped in the bathrooms at school
>fapped in some deserted building area inside our school, came hard
>fapped twice with my sister's dirty panties draped over my face
>fapped to a video of a girl suffocating to death, bestiality, gore, etc
>fapped to the thought of fucking my mother
>got my sister to sit on my lap while I had a boner
>fapped to my sister
>spray deoderant on my dick and light it
>stick a pen inside my dick hole
>stuck a few things in my ass
>there's probably more

Went out bought a dildo and fucked myself in the ass. Not that bad I guess

>>1852089
>spray deodorant on my dick and light it

LOL what the fuck am I reading

>fapped while sitting in the woods watching a couple little kids play not too fare from me
>fapped out my window
>fapped in the middle of the road while watch some kids play on their playground in their yard
>fapped in the woods completely naked while smacking my ass
>repeatedly fapped 13 times in the matter of 3 hours until my dick got sore

there's more, but i can't remember.

> In Thailand
> Drunk and horny
> Years of /b/ and pornography made me curious about sucking a dick
> Get hit on by a very feminine ladyboy
> Go along with it
> Takes me behind an alleyway, starts sucking me off
> Stop her, get kn my knees, and suck her off
> Disappointingly tiny cock, she came quick
> Was freaked out at the time for a while, now a bit meh

I still wanna try sucking a big mighty man meat. Only live once, so why the hell not.

And no, Im not gay. Have a gf and like girls (but cock too when Im horny)

>>1853146
I love how everyone says "I'm not gay though", like its either you're straight or gay, there is no bi.

Also it implies that there is something wrong with being gay, but only a little.

>>1853171

Just wanted to clarify so the story means something. If I am gay, or deffo bi, then there's no big deal about sucking dick, thus would be pointless to post the story

>>1853206
Therefore by posting the story most people can gather that you're not gay or you wouldn't be posting it.

At least that's what I would assume.

>tasted my own semen out of morbid curiosity (ewwwww, never again)
>masturbated at someone else's house

>never masturbated to any pornography, ever

imokaywiththis.jpg

I fucked my aunties dog.

I spent about an hour trying to suck my own dick until I was able to get the tip in and came in my mouth

I jerked it when I was riding a short bus full of Downs and various other tards

I jerked off in a church nursery with a toddler in the next room.

Not much, stole a guy away from a girl who genuinely liked him so we could go make out in a tent.

Felt bad after.