My parents used to beat the shit outta me if they heard the other one had a new gf/bf that I liked in even the slightest bit.

i.e. "YOU THINK THAT MOTHERFUCKER GONNA REPLACE ME?!?!?!"

Wasn't that bad but with 3 brothers there was never enough food and when my parents broke up I went to stay with my dad where he would just give me money and I would buy my own lunch and I'd end up buying a lot of coke and 10 years late I drink a shit load of soda.

my parents beat into my head that sex was dirty and now i can't have sex where i'm in control cause it makes me feel like im a dirty whore

In utero and during her labour, my head was too big to pass through my mother's cervix; and so there came to pass a decision that I immediately be born via Caesarean section in order to prevent (what might have been thought of at the time as further) brain damage.

That situation could have really fucked me up.

my mother used to beat me in the head with a piece of wood for no reason other than she was pissed for no reason
now I react violently whenever anyone touches my head for any reason

she's better now that she's on prozac, and I love her to death, but I still hate it when there's anything close to my head
makes kissing awkward

>>1735094
Also I fell down some stairs at, like, 5 - then suffered apparent symptoms of memory loss, such as playing with all my toys as if they were new and exciting.

Thinking on it, I got off lightly from my childhood.

My mother used to tell me that I should never fully trust anyone. No matter how good a friend you think someone is, no matter how much they've done for you or what you've been through together... even if you've been friends your whole lives... there's a good chance they'll stab you in the back. Everyone has a price.
Trust issues, yo.

>>1735081
Lucky bastard. I remember my dad was broke and depressed and bought a huge crate of oranges one year, with a huge box of ramen noodles. The whole school year I took moldy oranges and ramen noodles with weevils in them (when the grade-school didn't even have microwaves for me to use, so I had to munch on uncooked noodles). I remember sitting in my dad's truck and hearing him say "Welp, we just got kicked out so we're homeless now. Gotta sleep in the bed of the truck tonight." I was homeless most of my childhood.

>>1735128
Oh sorry to hear, my dad ran his own business so he was somewhat well off and avoiding having to give money to my mother.

>>1735104
William?

curiousblox

I have vague memories of being molested. But I can't remember who did it, I just remember being on a pink couch and sobbing against it while I was naked with a man's sweaty body up against me. Deep down, I think it was my dad, but the thought of that terrifies me.

My grandmother took me to her church to try and exorcise me when I was about 14 (I was a rebellious teenager.) Now I fucking hate organized religion.

>>1735158
nope, sorry anon
some other poor bastard here

>father killed himself when I was 6
>raised by insane mother
>drilled into me that I must always treat girls with the utmost respect
>strongly remeber a paticular time when some guy had broken up with her, came home crying and held me, telling me when I grew up always to treat girls like a princess etc

Fucked me up with girls. For the longest time I practically worshiped them, treated them as a different species beyond my understanding.

>also, moved around every 4 months
>always a new school
>give up on making friends and become shut in playing vidya all day

I'm 100% sure I have some sort of mental/personality disorder.

One time when I was little my father crept up behind me while I was playing and dumped two handfuls of live spiders onto my head and didn't help get them off. He just laughed.

I was teased about being overweight all the time in primary school, now no matter how much I get told "You look nice." or "You've gotten slimmer." I never see it.

My brother used to taunt me on how useless and pathetic I was, so now I never feel equal to anyone. I'm the person that apologizes when someone bumps into them.

>>1735023
I demand that tomorrow you go see your stepmom, give her a good old fashioned cunt punt and tell her what a horrible person she is

When I was born my mother didn't want me so she left me with my dad. I was raised in a loving home and grew up fine but I think comprehending that as I grew up fucked me up a little.

Reading through these though I think my story is the most tame; you guys had some fucked up shit happen to you.

>>1735206
I haven't seen her since I told her when I was 16 that I would cut her throat when she was sleeping (this was about 8 years ago)...that's only after I realized that it was NOT normal to starve your stepkids and make them sit on the porch while everyone else ate dinner.

>>1735242
good for you mang, good for you

>>1735232
That's pretty terrible. It doesn't matter who has the 'worse' stories, if you've been treated wrong, you've been treated wrong.

I love you anon.

wow, people are pretty fucked up here on 4chan.

looks like all these normal fags aren't so normal after all.

how does that feel?

>>1735197
is your name Crimmins

OP why didn't your dad feed you guys?

It prolly sounds gay, but I cry when I remember the shit I had to go through. Because it's only now that I realize how absolutely fucked I was, sleeping on streets and shit. Back then it seemed like a game.

>>1735311
He worked and didn't believe my sister and I when we told him that we didn't get fed.

>had a perfectly normal childhood
>always provided for
>only bad things was a lot of my family members died due to old age, sickness, or accidents during my middle school years (it was a lot though, I went to 5 funerals every summer from 6th - 8th grade)
>also my parents hate each other and only stayed together for the sake of the kids, constantly got into fights as I grew up, I had to stop physical fights from breaking out numerous times

Compared to some of these stories though that's nothing, I really don't have any excuse for my fucked up behavior. I guess I'm just defective.

my mother use to threaten to abandon us all the time.

She would leave out and come back late at night or maybe a few days later.

She will also threaten to to send us away.

I was also left alone a lot as a child.

I also went to 4 different highschools. The first transfer was purely due to my divorced parents fighting. I remember the mental/emotional trauma was immense. This one made me give up on making friends or connections with people.


The others just made me very dependent on my mother.

>>1735336
have you confronted him about it now that you are older? sounds horrible, i fasted willingly at most for 36 hours and felt like shit i cant imagine the hunger pains. well its in the past now, i hope except for you stocking food.

I'm perfectly normal. Feels good man.

Maybe youth makes you stronger, because looking back, I don't think I could survive some of the stuff I survived when I was younger.

When I was in elemetary school every time I had homework my mom used to sit next to me and every time I made a mistake she would smack me up and tell me that I was a fucking retard for not doing my homework right
>*slap*
>''what the fuck is your problem anon?''
>''are you a fucking retard?''
>me crying
>*slap*
>''tell me are you a fucking retard?''
>*slap*
>''why the fuck you have to do this every time you have homework''
>''do you whant people to think you are a retard?''
>''ok Anon I'll ask you one more time''
>'' (insert homwork question here)''
>...
>*slap*
>you are not going to get enywere if you keep with what you are doing''

Now, deep down in me, I think I'm a retard, and I try to hide that with knowlege. All my friends think I 'm a ''smart ass'' but I just can't believe that, I'm too dumb and stupid to be a ''smart ass''.

>>1735299
HOW DID YOU KNOW ARRRGGGGHHH

My father yelled a lot especially at me, so now I think everything is my fault if someone starts becoming even slightly irritated. Everyone in my family also adds a "y" to the end of my name, it drives me insane but I never say anything about it.

Should not have dated my first girlfriend
Should not have gone to my first college
Should not have majored in history for first semester

im just another product of an over-protective mom

>>1735364
No, I haven't confronted him. He has brain damage from a car accident he had, and frequently has seizures, so I tend to treat him like a child. Also, he divorced the stepmom after about 5 years. I'll still kill her if I see her though.

>>1735166
>>1735166
>>1735166
THAT IS AWFUL

MOOTBLOXOXOXOX

>>1735377
mfw when my dad used to do that. decide that he was a major asshole but I wanted to prove him wrong anyway, learnt Calculus in my free time and became pretty decent at schoolwork.

>Still doesn't love me

eh..

You know realize that the majority of society's fucked up individuals stem from single mothers.

>>1735398
>pink floyd knows that feel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmmKzEKYvdM

>>1735366
>on r9k
>nope.jpg

>>1735425
>>1735377
I know that feel. I'm shedding a tear for both of you.

>My parents taking me out of a white school and putting me into a predominately black one

I was/am such a whitewashed black kid, being put into an all black, lower performing school really attributed to me being an outcast.

>Siblings picking meaningless fights with me, and trying to verbally degrade me from a young age

My 2nd eldest sister has this personal vendetta against me (mom says it's b/c I took her spot as the youngest.) Growing up, she would always call me weird, a failure, and pick on my weight. As a matter of fact, a lot of my family picked on me for being chubby. I've lost weight, but I still struggle emotionally with my body image.

>People accusing me of being effeminate and homosexual

I'm so insecure about my sexuality sometimes, I try to be hyper-masculine to prove a point.

My problems are a lot deeper than this post, but I don't wanna bore anyone.

I got raped by my mom's new husband, but she didn't believe me so I ran away to stay with friends. Haven't talked to her since, so I consider myself an orphan (dad's dead).

When I was young my father worked at night and slept during the day, so a good portion of my day was spent with only my mother. For most of my childhood she was incredibly overprotective (wasn't allowed to step into the street until my age was in the double digits), and all through my childhood and teenage years she was extremely disparaging of other females and male sexuality in general. I now have an intense sense of shame associated with feeling any attraction to any woman.

>>1735493
Go ahead and "bore" me. I'm listening. And interested.

>>1735498
also this:>>1735377
My dad would watch me doing homework, which, as you know, can only make it easier.

My dad used to go into these episodes where he'd just be crazy. He held a life to my mom's neck one night, demanding she wrote out a million dollar check. Much more happened. But I remember that night started with the Tv breaking, and going to that rainbow screen, and playing a loud beep.
1. I am now terrified of that screen.
This one time, I was getting a shot in my thigh. I jerked my Leg while the needle was in, and it slit a huge gash in my leg.
2. Needles make me nervous.
My old crib always felt like a safe spot for me as I wad younger. My mom never took it down, and needless to say, id have nights even as I was 16, where id curl up In the crib and fall asleep. Dunno what this was caused from.
3. Im 19. My bed shape kind of resembles a crib. I sleep with tons of stuffed animals. Occasionally, as a lesiure thing, I sleep with a night light and ocean noises my mom used to play for me.

My dad has yellow fever. After him and my mom broke up, he dated only asian women.

My step mom is completely asian. While she has never pushed the idea of him replacing her former husband to her daughter, he's tried to make me say she's my mom.

I hate asian women, I find them completely repulsive, especially Koreans. I fucking hate Koreans and I just wish we'd nuke Korea off the the fucking planet. My dad always talks about asians in high regard, like they're so fucking intelligent and brilliant and sexy.

I hate the food, I hate the culture, I hate the languages. And I fucking love languages. The only one I can mildly accept is Japanese, because I have a hint of Japanese in me. Otherwise? I'm fucking racist towards Asians.

Not that I outwardly show it. But I don't like Asian women, and that's incredibly obvious to anyone who knows me.

I had absolutely no imagination as a kid. I just did as I was told. If I wasn't told to do it, I had no desire to. I was only told to come right home after school everyday. And nobody explained the concept of socializing and making friends. I still have a deep down feeling of "go to college, hurry to next class, hurry home, don't waste time socializing, Mom will be mad I'm home late".

>>1735104

>I love her to death

>2012
>Loving your parents after they horribly abuse you

What the FUCK is wrong with you people?

>>1735455
Don't make me cry dude.

>>1735544
Sometimes you can't help loving your parents dude

>>1735493

In addition to this, my dad used to be very abusive, both verbally and physically. He would break things around the house, yell at us, and as I approached my teens he started putting his hands on me. And no pussy shit either - he's thrown buckets of house paint on me, he's tried to throw me down stairs (thank goodness for rails), he's punched me in my stomach several times, etc. When you're 12-15, that shit messes with you.

uuuuuuuuuuuumph

>>1735561

I never understood this. They deserve to be disowned at least. Child abuse is unforgivable.

>>1735377 Here
>>1735522
>My dad would watch me doing homework, which, as you know, can only make it easier.

I know that feel so fucking much man, the worst part was that every time she watched me doing my homework, my mind would turn blank, and that helped the smacking.

>>1735564
My dad held me by my hair under scalding hot water. And force-fed (plugged my nose until I couldn't breathe and opened my mouth) me Nyquil to get me to stop crying.

My mother adheres to the principal that if you hold a person responsible for every bad thing that happens to them in their life, illness or otherwise, and blame them directly and yell at them for it, that it's somehow supposed to create a grateful person who can overcome anything if they "had just known better."

My mother is a walking representative of the hindsight bias. When she realizes she's loosing an argument, she reverts into "Oh poor me" mode.

>>1735585
If no one else loves you, who do you have? Seriously, if you're 11 or 12 like I was, what fucking choice do you have? And now, I realize how fucking stupid and childish they are that I hate them, but I forgive them because I attribute it to some kind of brain damage or something. Because seriously, no one can be that fucked up.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and stand up for my childhood-self.

>>1735023
I could be a lot worse, but
- parents divorced when I was 4 and my father had partial custody. Every Saturday and Sunday they would park at Blockbuster and would have to go to the other parent for the week/weekend. I'd just hop out and get into the other car, but they would spend two hours without fail yelling at each other. That's when I started thinking that everyone is an idiot. Mom was absurdly paranoid. If I accidentally told anyone when she was working, or where we live, she would beat the shit out of me.

Started going introverted after moving from NC to AZ and going from popular kid to outcast.

Started online schooling in 6th grade, seeing people my age once a month at most makes me apprehensive around people. Gotta keep my distance unless I know them well

>>1735665
Back then... when you were happy.

A man made me take naked pictures of myself and molested me when I was younger. I can't take full body pictures without shaking and wanting to throw up, if not actually doing so.

After I was molested, my mom told all my friends and relatives as if it were hot gossip. I've got some pretty bad trust issues because of that, none of my friends know anything substantial about me unless they've known me since elementary school. Even then, not much.

My dad told me that he drank to forget his problems when I was 4 or 5, I started drinking at 8 and have been an alcoholic since I was 13. Obviously other factors involved, but he was a big influence on that.

My grandpa used to weigh me and take all my measurements every time I saw him. I was never overweight, and I feel as if it was to make my obese sister feel more normal, but I've maintained a borderline dangerously thin frame ever since. Most of my calories come from drinking.

Before I was born, my twin brother died in the womb and my parents told me that they always wanted a son and that I killed him. Affected me in multiple ways, I guess.

Feels a lot like I'm whining, sorry. I hope this contributes to the thread, or maybe someone can relate.

>>1735636

Same here. I used to really fucking hate my father, then I became an adult, and realized, "wow, this dude is probably more messed up than I am." The thing is, he even when he was a dick - he still had his moments where he'd tried to be a good dad. I think his abusive states was him struggling within himself with remnants of his own childhood.

>>1735691
>Before I was born, my twin brother died in the womb and my parents told me that they always wanted a son and that I killed him. Affected me in multiple ways, I guess.

It's not your fault.

I have many reasons why I'm somewhat damaged. I don't have room for all of them, so here are some of the earliest:

>be 8
>parents are both violent drunks
>sitting as quietly as possible in the corner of the living room
>parents both screaming at each other
>mom runs into the bathroom
>dad runs to door, finds it's locked
>he punches a hole in the door
>very scared

>be 12
>be evicted from our tiny house
>feels like it's my fault cause everyone yells at me for everything, even things that aren't my fault

>be 13
>tiny two-room trailer
>want privacy to fap
>try to close door
>"Anon don't close that door."
>"FINE"
>still horny
>five minutes later, close door
>dad: "GODDAMMIT"
>he storms down the hallway
>run to the back door of the house
>try to open it
>oh shit the chain lock is pulled shut!
>frantically slam my tiny body against the door to get it open
>dad gets in the bedroom
>finally the chain breaks
>fall out door three feet to the ground
>run from the house
>don't come back for an hour

>still be 13
>mom and dad screaming drunkenly at one another
>something about each one thinks the other isn't doing their share, making enough money, whatever
>mom tries going around him to go to the bedroom
>dad thinks she's going for the phone to call the police
>dad takes moms cell phone and smashes it on the ground
>walks out
>parents get divorced soon after

Fuck, I had almost completely forgotten most of these until this thread popped up. Repression is there for a reason, guys!

>>1735564
Trembling in bed when they start fighting not knowing how today is going to end. Broken furniture and screaming and pushing.

That shit messes with you when youre 5-4

>iknowthatfeel

When my parents divorced after finding out my dad was having an affair, my mother and brother used to cry constantly. I saw them as extremely weak looking so I suppressed a lot of my feelings, I felt strong and powerful. Before that I was a very outgoing kid, but ever since it's happened I've been more introverted. Now I feel like I can't cry, but last year there was an occasion where I did cry and I couldn't stop, I cried for practically the whole day.

>>1735694
True. My dad was a shitty dad, and then I found out that he got raped when he was 10 and walking home from the store once. Holy shit that explained a lot.

>>1735690
I wasn't happy. I had IBS that doctors attributed to stress. My parents stressed my 7-year-old-ass out so much that I had to miss 2nd grade and spend it in the hospital.

I have to go /rk9/ I have work tomorrow. May my feels be with you.

Used to bring girls homes waaaay back in elementary school. my dad would just make constant excuses to go where we were and just stare at them for awhile completely straight faced and make really creepy comments to himself. This has caused me to never mention anything sex related to my parents and if i see any cute chick with my parents around, might as well be 400+ lbs with muttonchops because i can fucking feel my dad making sex jokes and glaring at her ass.

Also because of that and him beating the shit out of me i barely acknowledge him these days. it absolutely baffles me when i go to friend's houses and actually talk with their families, and having my mind blown when they're actually close and getting along.

>>1735377
I know that feel, my father was like that. Often asked me if I was dumb. He also wanted to man me up starting when I was a pre-teen. I remember the first time using a shot gun (he is a hunter) I couldn't hit the birdies, so he shoved me to the ground. Even today he talks down to me and tells me to change, so I stopped talking to him.

well I guess i'll share my story /r9k/

Ever since a young kid my dad would always beat me, but he'd always explain to me that he beat me cause he loved me and that it would better myself. He'd beat me if I didn't do my work right, or if i was wasn't behaving, or eating right. You see, he was a very ethical person, like, ethical as in cleanliness, politeness, perfectionism and all that stuff. He tried to influence all that on me. I would never be able to speak my mind because he would just disagree and disapprove and probably hit me. He majored in psychology which he took to advantage to playing mind games with me and analyzed everything I said and used it against me. Well I have a lot of stories and I don't want to bore you, but the pro's whatever he wanted, I guess he succeded cause I'm on my way to getting a masters in civil engineering but after all this, he made me feel empty inside, I can never actually feel sad, nor happy just anger, sometimes I feel like i am just a robot and I never feel any sorrow or pity I'm a monster, help me

I was homeless for a few years as a kid and now i have 0 self-confidence and self esteem. i never made friends with anyone because i was too afraid that theyd ask to come over to my house or something, then realize that i didnt have one and make fun of me v

>>1735585
If /r9k/ shows anything, it is that love is irrational and is not optional. If it were all the guys here who are absolutely destroyed because they love someone wouldn't be like that. You really can't opt out of it.

>>1735529
lol your dad's a weeaboo.

>>1735725
Thanks, tripbro. Logically, I know that, but it feels nice to hear it from someone else because I do blame myself on some level.

>Thought my life wasn't that great
>Read this thread

My friends and I often have this debate,

Who has it worse? People with no parents, or people with shitty parents?

My surgeon dad electrocuted my pussy, put 10 M HCl into my eyes, blasted Skrillex into my years, chopped my legs off and put hooks into them. Years later I am at the Blagoveshchensk Technical Institute No. 241 and have my brain hooked up to a neuro-brainwave generator that transmits my thoughts into text, so it's all cool.

I have Bipolar 1 Manic Depression with obsessive tendencies, which made me a weird and hyperactive kid, and I was on all wrong medications since I was very young. And I mean really young, since I was like 5 years old, before someone should even be on those kind of medications anyway. It affected my social development and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

My family was never so poor that we were on foodstamps, evicted, or anything like that, but we never were very well off either and my parents instilled an unshakeable fear that we could drop into poverty at any time. I don't know if it was intentional.

Anyway, we absolutely never wasted food, never casually had dinner at restaurants or even fast food places the way many people in my area did, never went on vacations, and only bought new clothes when absolutely needed.

Now, I still dress really shabbily because any time I feel the impulse to buy nice looking or new clothing, I feel guilty and that I don't really vitally need it. I still never waste food, and absolutely can't stand seeing other people throw food out. If my roommates buy food and then don't eat it, I end up stealing it because I can't bear to see it spoil or get thrown out. I obsessively pick up and save change I find.

My parents never shared a hug or kiss for as long as I can remember (they officially separated when I was about 9, although, they did have my little bro 4 years after I was born so apparently they had sex, which is so weird for me to think about. It seemed they didn't like each other at all). I thought it was unusual to see other parents hug/kiss. I don't know how to be in a relationship, I grew up never observing a real one.

>>1735932
My mom is that way. I only get clothes at thrift stores and she would get mad at me every time I ate. If I wanted something that wasn't really cheap or wanted something nice I'd get in trouble.

It's because she's an old southern woman whom grew up poor, I guess.

He had consensual sex with my virgin mom in the missionary position under the moonlight.
AKK AKKKKK AKKKKKK MY MEMORIES

>>1735963
Not to mention those scary episodes of fighting of course...

My mother used to beat me whenever i did something "wrong" with sticks and whatever she feels like. Wherever.

i remember getting in a fight with my bro i wanted to watch something and he wanted something else. So he goes and tells mom, she comes upstairs pulls my hair and beats me, slaps me my lip was bruised.

>i went crying somewhere
>while both of them watch tv and laugh

>>1735963
I know that feel. When I see a happily married couple with a child, it just seems so unusual, like what I'm seeing is some kind of anomaly.

When I was 12, I spent a summer with one of my cousins who was maybe 11. We were sheltered, curious kids and ended up feeling each other up and partially stripping for each other multiple times. No actual sex act occurred, but it still kind of made me sick when I realized what we had done.

I haven't seen that cousin since then (we live a pretty far way apart), but if there's a family reunion or something, I don't think I could look at them. And I constantly wonder what the experience did to them, and whether they'll tell anyone.

>>1736014
Everytime I see that, I just look at it like an accident waiting to happen

As if it's an inevitability that their happiness will fall apart.

Sometimes, when I was a kid, I would have terrible hallucinations. The worst one I remember was when I was laying in bed, and I looked up, and I saw this guy in a business suit get straight up fucking murdered by a guy in an in indian outfit. The indian smashed his goddamn head in with a rock. Scary shit when you're 4.That was one of the worst. There were others, none were as outright terrifying as the that, though. Also, I had an almost paralysing fear of the dark. I remember collapsing on my floor when my lights werent truned up all the way and couldnt reach the switch. I felt fear in the purest form in those times. That was when I was REALLY young, like 3. Also, my brother had mental disabilities, so my parents stopped paying attention to me when I was about 5. I remember asking my dad if he loved me as much as my brother.

I remember walking with my back from the movies andas we were passing a house we heard screaming and drunken fighting.

It was about four of us. Sixteen at the youngest and twenty at the oldest. So we decided to "intervene".

We broke in and found the 'mother' of this little hick with a beaten face and a destroyed rotary phone beside the man who was just getting up.

The kids were at most: 4, 6, 12.

>>1735932
See, I have a fear of being poor despite growing up, well, pretty damn poor. But I had friends that were much poorer. My mother would always told me to "wash the dishes before you go to X's house" and to take a bath as soon as I came home, so it always made me notice... certain things.

Their house smelled like old people all of the time, their bathroom was dirty and, most of all, they always had roaches.

Ever since then, I've associated roaches with poor people instead of folks that were just plain filthy. Picture my absolute fucking mental breakdown when I noticed a roach in my kitchen after a period of mild depression. No exaggeration, I was on the floor on my hands and knees, crying and trying to kill that roach because, goddamn it, I was poor. I didn't want to be poor.

I just keep things clean now.

When I was 16 my dog was brutally beaten to death by some drunk asshole. 2 months later my girlfriend was shot in the head when she was sleeping by her father.

>>1735728
I'll continue my stories, but I'm gonna skip the greentext cause it's kinda annoying, I see.

Part 1/2

When I was 13, the worst year of my life, I began feeling... off. When I would sit or stand up too fast, my vision would go red and black, and I'd immediately lose my balance and fall down. I was constantly thirsty, my throat burning no matter how much I drank. I was always hungry--even when I was physically stuffed full (which was very rare, cause we were poor even BEFORE my dad walked out) I would still feel hunger. Yet somehow my clothes started fitting looser...

None of it made sense, but I put it all out of my mind as "your life just sucks, Anon; if you stop thinking about it, it'll all go away." So I did, for as long as I could.

But the scariest moment came just a few days before a trip to disney world with my grandparents and cousin. The last time I had gone to the grocery store a few months before, I went on the scale in the front of the store, and saw I weighed 105 pounds. It was neat, definitely. But that day, I went and stood on the scale, and it read "82 lbs." That's when I started figuring I had a legitimate problem.

Then, the trip to disney world. The night before, at my grandparents house, my dad bought me a gallon of apple juice, something I loved but never got to have cause we couldn't afford it.

I drank that gallon of apple juice in an hour and a half. And then I went and made some tea, cause I was still thirsty. Right after I drank the cup of deliciously sweet tea, I felt horrible nausea, ran to the bathroom and threw up. I didn't tell anyone though, cause if I did, I couldn't go.

>>1736033
Sup, childhood hallucinations bro.

I was afraid of skeletons, and I'd see a skeleton just standing in front of my bed and staring at me every night. Didn't do anything. Just stared.

I still don't look straight into the dark for long periods of time.

My dad used to call mom a whore all the time, and until now he never shows respect to her. She's amazing compared to him. (she used to be beat thou) more about dad He really was a horrible man in his days. But life fucked him well now. He used to smile that rich asshole smile all the time. I bet you cant smile like that now asshole? Huh? Fuck you. Remember when mom was weak? N youd beat her?

> surprise my brother is exactly like him.

I Still live with parents.
I feel bad for dad i guess i moved on.

>>1736081
I still remember seeing a raging fire inside of a heater/furnace closet...just because my sister said "hell is in there!" since the door was always hot. She loved messing with me...

>>1736062

> Poor
> Trips to disneyworld
> Murrikah

I've been betrayed by nearly all of my "friends" except for two, and by my parents. Can't trust shit. Will probably never get a girlfriend, not because I'm ugly or fat or awkward, but because my mother showed me why you should never trust anyone.

>>1736081
Its terrible. I'm still violently terrified of the dark, or being alone, and I'm 20 now. Have'nt had hallucinations for a while though (Thank god). But shit, man. Hallucinations are a sure-fire way to get fucked up

>>1736036

The children all had some form of injury or another but nothing looked broken. The young ones were just plain terrified in general but the twelve year old had a glimmer of hope in his eye.

Too bad.

We 'interviewed' the couple after delivering further beatings to each and discovered what had happened. The mother had been abusing the children for years and only know when the father got fired from his job with house painting company and came home early did he find out what was really going on. Instead spankings and such like he assumed it was fullon beatings and occasional hunger torture. He was a slender man and she had been a athlete and maintained heralef somewhat and so he couldnt just slap the bitch. To further injuy he also had severe nausea with violence and such. He puked a bit after we beat him a bit.

Now we could have easily have been witnesses and helped a father ans his kids. But instead we shattered both sets of hands after giving both severe concusiions ans forced the twelve year old to rape his siblings. Last we heard the eldest is still perv-juvie and hospitals.And the parents are in for fifteen min with no chance to track their kids down.

I once saw father trying to rape my mother on my bed when I was ~6 or so.

The relationship they had was the typical good!mother with shitty, abusive alcoholic father. A lot of arguments and fighting, furniture thrown, walls smashed, etc. Many nights my brother and I cried ourselves to sleep with all the shit going on downstairs.

Since I had no friends and my mother was working most of the time, the only person I could look up to was my brother. Most of my interests stemmed from his; including his clothing style (I'm female, so I pretty much crossdressed most of my life.) I seriously cannot wear overly feminine clothing or be 'feminine' (in general) without feeling disgusted because I'm too used to acting and feeling more like the opposite gender.

>>1736062
part 2/2

The next day, I felt like a large semitruck had run me down. My head hurt horribly, my mouth tasted like sugary vomit, and I ached all over. I got yelled at on the way, cause my grandparents hadn't wanted to stop, but I had to go to the bathroom, despite having gone before we left. When we got there, I couldn't enjoy any of it. My mouth was so dry, all the food I tried and failed to eat tasted like sawdust, the sweltering heat was making my vision woozy, and I felt this low-level nausea all day.

When we got back to my grandparent's house, my grandma (who's a diabetic) figured something was wrong with me, and pulled out a blood-glucose monitor and checked my sugar. The average blood sugar for a regular person is about 100.

Mine was 500. It was amazing I was even fully conscious at that level! And I'd been at that high level for weeks, or months! She sent me home and said to eat things that have no carbs and I'd be fiiiiiiine. I'm sure she meant well, but that advice could have killed me.

The day after that, I asked my mom if I could go to the hospital, cause I had figured out by this point that if I really did have this problem, it could end VERY badly for me if I didn't get checked out by a doctor. She said yes, so we went to the emergency room.

I spent three days in the hospital, barely able to move and stunned with the news that I had type-1 diabetes, an incurable, life-threatening disease. I cried the first night, and my mom held me for a little bit.

I know it's kinda stupid, but ever since then, I've always felt that because I couldn't pretend hard enough that I was okay, I caught this horrible, life-affecting disease. That if I'd only been able to smile through it, say "I'm all right" sunnily and keep going, I'd be okay right now.

But I never will be.

And it still feels like it's my fault.

I was a pretty normal small child. My mother was divorced and chronically single, although she'd date someone off and on sometimes.

But, no matter what, no matter how old I was or how well I did, she was never affectionate with me. I'd hug her and she'd push me off of her, she never told me she loved me and would always give me the most attention whenever I fucked something up.

In the meantime, she would verbally abuse every single guy she ever got with until they cheated on her and left. She's in an LDR with a guy now and they have venomous arguments every single day over the phone. He's cheated on her already, but she's nearing her fifties and I suppose she's decided that she won't do any better.

My exes have called me the worst girlfriend they've ever had because I'm insanely uncomfortable with affection and would insult them all of the time. I really have no idea how to pay someone I like a compliment. It just feels forced and awkward when I try to. I wish I could afford therapy because I don't want to be anything like my mother. Seeing myself growing into her makes me depressed and I have no drive to do anything worthwhile with my life.

>>1736198
If it makes you feel any better, my younger brother was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (I saw the ending coming from the first post), and I was really bummed out for a while, but it gets to be normal eventually. It's not like a cancer diagnosis. He's seriously more fit than I am.

>>1736119

I grew up poor, believe me. There were times when it was rent or food. Not both.

The trip to disney world was a present from my grandparents, who were really rich and stuff, but were kind of distant. They didn't think that family should lend family money, cause they'll just take advantage and squander it, or some stupid shit like that. My parents could never afford a trip like that. I'll probably never get to go again, unless some day I can make enough to pay for it myself.

>>1736198
Type 1 diabetic here also, got it when i was 22 months old.

Blood glucose was over 600. Doctor instisted it was an error, yada yada, come back later.

Retest, still off the damn charts.

My mom basically told the doctor to fuck off and took me to the hospital.

Kinda sucks because I never knew what it was like to be normal you know?

Plus, since Ive had this shit for nearly 18 years now already, by the time I am 40, I will likely have a host of problems just because will have had it so long by then.

Nobody knows what caused it, but my dad is certain it was a weird reaction to a antibiotic I was on,at the same time I had a vaccination for something else.

Doctors wont admit that possibility at all of course.
Fucked with my immune system and destroyed my pancreas.

My fifth grade teacher took away my name.

>>1736273
Also, so far, Ive had mono, some weird 11 month long migraine that was likely caused by a different vaccine, meningitis?, and somehow tested positive for west nile (antibodies?), meaning at some point in my life i had west nile, but fought it off.

Only been to the hospital like twice though. I can say that with pride. Once for dehydration of all things...

Goddamn I am a mess lol.

>never allowed to go outside, visit friends, etc.
>all I can really do is play in my room alone
>become accustomed to it
>years later, "Staying inside is bad for you, why don't you ever leave the house?"


Gee, I have no fucking clue.

My sister being murdered when I was 8 and being at the close cascet funeral with my mother crying like like crazy while telling everyone she could hear her in the cascet telling her she was alive, and my mother crying constantly months after, while I didn't seem to give a single fuck and simply watched tv as if nothing was happening

>>1736278
Something about that seems especially sinister

>>1736312
At first I read this as your sister being 8 and murdered. Because I was seriously about to ask there's no kid a big enough shitstain to be murdered. Killed in some form or fashion, but not some premeditated shit.

>>1736248
Thanks. It does make me feel a little better. At the time, though, starting several months before I had been diagnosed, I'm told I was showing symptoms of chronic depression. It's been the two things, layered over each-other, that have been wearing me down ever since.

It's that kind of "I'm worthless, I'm a bad person, and all my problems are completely my fault" thing that makes me think that way. I'm on meds for both problems, but the medication for my depression makes my insulin not work as well, and going off the depression meds always ends up making me try to kill myself, so I'm stuck.

>>1736273

I'm sorry. I know that feel, diabetic bro.

>>1736372
My sis was 16 when she was killed, she had runaway and was staying over at some dudes house. She wouldn't have sex with him so he killed her out of anger. Dude was I 19.

>>1736382
The weird thing is, I can deal with the shots, the blood checking, none of that even slightly bothered me, or even hurt anymore for as long as I can remember, Its just the whole aspect of it you know? Like another layer of responsibility that I wish I didn't have, shouldn't have.

I am seriously wary of vaccines now...

>>1736427

I can see why. One shot apparently caused your immune system to destroy your islets of langerhans, the cells that make insulin. Who KNOWS what another one can do to you, you know?

I really don't know what or is wrong with me but I used to

>think every time my mom, dad and brother left the room they'd become devils and plot to kill me

>always try to be very happy, or else something bad would happen

>used to dress up as clowns and santa claus and go to school to show everyone i was happy, this was like grade 4-5

>used to think my dad wasn't my real dad, and he just stole me, and my real parents would draw pictures with me all day if i ever found them

I remember during the first day of kindergarten, all the kids purposely ignored me. I attended a very small school and moved just before enrolling into the class. They all knew each other from pre-school soccer or just from living close together. Around grade 6, I eventually grew into a shell, I rarely ever smiled, or even emoted period. It got a lot better in grade 9, when everything seemed very peachy and wonderful. Then half-way through grade 10 I started getting depressed again. Haven't left it, at age 18.

Holy shit, I need a therapist or something, I don't even know what caused this, I figure some sort of mental illness, but my mom always said I was such a happy baby.

>birthdays
>end up getting yelled at and hit (open hand) nearly everytime
>don't even care about birthdays
>fucking hate gifts
>always see people doing things only to be praised or reciprocated, not because they enjoyed giving or helping somebody else
>fucking hate people who do things only to be immediately praised or reciprocated
This plays into my larger view that altruism is non-existent.

>>1736492
>that feel when mother says you never did anything as a baby
>no autism or anything
>just depressed

I can't remember a time in my life where I wasn't depressed or thinking about killing myself. Holy shit, when I was a little kid and found out about suicide, it was like a light switched on.

why does guilt keep me from doing it

My mother would lock food away from me and feed me three times a day on a strict, timed schedule. If we went to eat with relatives, she insisted on serving me and would watch me until she decided I'd had enough, then take the plate away in front of my family. She would obsessively measure and weigh me, worry about my development, restrict what clothes I wore (because apparently an eight-year-old is capable of "looking like a chubby little slut") and what I ate and eventually, where I went because she said "it's wrong to eat other people's food". When we were young kids, my brother was on the wrong behavorial meds that made him rapidly lose weight, and my mother tried to get a prescription for me so i could do the same. She taught me that sex was a deeply shameful act and to stop "luring men" to me if i even looked a man in the eye. She planted all these bizarre, backwards ideas that no child could understand into my head that have fucked me up for life.
>horded food in room, never ate in public
>frequently binged and ballooned in size
>suddenly anorexia, at onset of puberty, so my development is stunted
>eventual bulimic tendencies
>terrified of intimacy, uncomfortable around most adult men

also, my mother is morbidly obese. i hate her.

I guess I'm the odd one out. I grew up in a loving home; both parent stable, no abuse, no disease. However, I don't really feel anything. My grandfather passed away; didn't even see why we needed to drive 2 hours to grandmothers house to listen to her cry. I was annoyed that my friend mothered called me to tell me my friend had attempted to kill himself. Don't really know how I got that apathetic.

Anyways, I can't leave my house without showering. Probably has to do with getting picked on for not being clean/ well maintained in Elementary school. Kind of rolled out of bed and went to school.

Should probably see a shrink, but he/she would charge me an ungodly amount of money just to prescribe some anti-depressant drug and then expect me to comeback when that doesn't work.

My dad would always hit my brothers in front of me, but never me for some reason. They would get bruised and cry, and I felt like such a shit for not getting hit. We've never really talked because they don't like me, for that reason, I suppose.

Now, whenever I mess up even the slightest, I apologize a bunch. Even for things that aren't my fault. I don't want more people to be mad at me.

>I wondered how [shit kids are prevented from knowing about] works and why
>among them were myths (I really liked the Greek gods for some reason), (pseudo)science, female anatomy, sex, menstrual cycles, etc,
>I remember telling all the kids in preschool there was no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, no tooth fairy, etc. and none of them believing me and being told by the teachers it was all real, to stop ruining it for everybody else, etc.
>I remember once asking my mom how babies came out of her stomach if she has no scars when I was in early elementary school
>I asked too many questions my parents didn't know the answers to so he would buy me books and shit
>my favorite things I owned as a kid was a dictionary, an encyclopedia, and a globe
Everybody except my father was always trying to lie to me and shelter me from things I knew to be true. I am somewhat now paranoid and believe most people are stupid and/or lie both with and without malice of intent to delude.

My parents made me afraid of cops and minorities just cause they'd tell me horror stories about them all the time. Everyone in my family's criminal scum so it came up often.

nothing this catastrophically horrible happened to me when I was kid. I was poor and my mom divorced/remarried a couple times, I guess. I still have problems with depression/anxiety/trust though. it makes me wonder if it even matters how you were raised, since some people with good childhoods still turn out unhappy, and some people with fucked-up childhoods turn out fine. it seems awfully futile to me to be a parent, because no matter how well you do for your child, it will still experience pain and unhappiness sometimes anyway. of course it's still terrible to deliberately hurt your kid more than life already will, but it's discouraging that there's really no way to protect anyone from being hurt

well, since i didnt tell it all on therapy (dumped that useless fucker at 2d session), ill tell it here:

i think that it fucked me up:

>when mother constantly threatened to send me away to intern
>when she never, EVER (she still doesnt) said any loving or caring word
>when mother would prohibit me to cough when having a cold, because it annoyed her
>when mother banned me to go to bathroom at night because she had light sleeping.... i had to hold it on all night.... there were times i had to pee through the window to the patio
>when mother would do LOUD parties at home, till 5 or 6am, any day of week, and doing fun of me if i walked to the bathroom
>when mothermade fun of my little cock with a female friend of hers, in front of me
>when mother never came back from work, she always came home late at night, and i waited for her looking at the window, crying countless times
>when mother told me (not once) that she was so repented from not aborted me
>when she stressed the fuck out of me so everything she made that was fun (partying, having loud friends, going out, etc) i tried to get FAR from it, drawing myself a relative social outcast
>when i was a children i was molested by a friend of hers, she didnt do anything when i told her

i think i should have killed her

Heres my story, it was me my mom and my brother our dads were deadbeats, anyway scince my brothe was the oldest it was like he and my mom were best freinds, and i was just kinda there striving for ateention so i acted out in school and got in alot of trouble after alot of that my brothers dad who he never met died and then my brotherbt shot himself when he was 16 i was 13, it just made me relise that i diddnt matter. Back to when i was 7just my mom married this abusive wierdo and that fucked everything up. Then my dad started coming around just to stir the pot

I felt and still do feel absoulutly alone. After all of that my entire family dies exept my mom ive seen 3 people die i mean u can watch shit online but nothing gives you the terror of watching somone pass and all in rediculous manors such as my grandmother i never me kidnaps my great grandma and neglects her to death now thats fucked up
Skip to last summer i got a job at this resturant owed by crazy mean ppl and worked so hard just to buy a car and scince my dad was still alive i asked him to put it in his name i mean i put every penny i had into that car and then one day he steals it from me now my mom is moving and wont let me go with her so in one onth when my house gets foreclosed ill be homeless

So now i have absolutly nothing no mature freinds no money and i just feel that an heroing is the best option
And one last note my moms a genius and a phycolegest so she plays with my mind 247 i mean every 5 mineutsshe either calls or text me like fuck this shit

Female here.
Biological father died when I was 8
He was never around before that anyway, I think I only met him once and he gave me two pieces of candy..

Step dad and Mom used to argue all the time. Mostly about my Mom's drug use and my Step Dad's alleged cheating. It would get extremely physical. One night I slept in the bed with my Mom and my Step Dad came in and just started screaming shit. He pulled my Mom out of the bed by her hair and threw her against the wall.

I ended up falling into a pile of plastic bin's trying to stop him. Mom grabbed me and ran into the room I shared with my older Brother. She basically used us as bait to get him to stop.

That's the most vivid memory I have of their fights. There are so many others where they would just slap each other and shit.

>was and still am fat/teased by classmates and siblings
>never understood math except on a very basic level
>felt stupid, stopped trying, dropped out of highschool
>no job
>mom had two strokes (is still alive)
>all I do is sleep and read Comic Books

Whelp

>>1736929
(got cut off fuck)

>grew up poor
>lived in other people's basements
>no friends
>sexually active at young age
>feel like I'm never good enough
>everythings my fault blah blah blah

So yeah. Lol.

>>1735923
oh god I died thank you for that.

When I was 6 my dad got cancer nd my mom spent all her time visiting him to the hospital and working. I was in 1st grade without anyone rly helping me with my hmw so I nvr did it. At 7 my dad dies, now I just resent the world and hate school. For many years I just sat nd didnt participate in class or learn jack shit. It wasn't till 6th grade that I started getting my act together. Now I have learning disabilities and management issues.

I'm not going to post anything about my childhood, but I think posting on 4chan for so long has seriously slowed down my thought process in real life conversations.

Having so much time to construct my argument in order to get my point of view across (or not even having to reply if I don't want to) has made me sluggish. I regularly rehearse conversations I could see myself having in the near future in order to not come off like an idiot.

1
I never had anything truly traumatic happen in my life, but I've had some cringe-worthy moments.
>Mom would throw parties in her apartment when I was little, and she'd lock me in my room so she wouldn't feel guilty about drinking in front of her kid.
>Develop crippling fear of the dark.
>Would routinely dump me off on m grandparents so she wouldn't have to give up her social life.
>Eventually just live with my grandparents because I was there more than I was ever with my mom.
>Dad frequently argued with mom and eventually just left, though he paid Child Support and visited infrequently.

>>1737356
>Grandma is a perfectionist and cannot stand imperfections of any kind. Would ridicule me for not doing well in anything.
>I started to try and be perfect in every possible way so that my family would give me some love and attention.
I had abandonment issues and felt unwanted for my entire life, so until I was five I slept in the same bed as my grandparents.
>In the fifth grade my (former)best friend began teasing me. He got the rest of the class to do so as well, and I became a social outcast.
>I start going to therapy for my issues and am prescribed antidepressants.
>Since I had a small social circle even then, I had no one to turn to, and I became a recluse.
>Mom bounces from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. And suddenly decides she wants to be a part of my life. I see her be verbally and (occasionally) physically abused when I'm around her.
Now I gravitate toward people who demean and ridicule me. I can't take compliments because I feel like they're patronizing me.
>Start hearing voices calling my name. Saying that I'm worthless, a piece of shit excuse for a human being that would be better off dead.
>Start to fail in class due to social issues and bitch of a teacher who would also ridicule me in front of class. At least there was two people who were nice to me, my current best friend, and another girl who (I believe) had the hots for me.

>>1737362
>Never do well in class again. Previously straight-A student.
Feeling depressed all the time now, try to commit suicide by taking a bunch of Tylenol. Pussy out and call grandparents, and spend a week in a Mental Ward.
>Life got better. I started to make more friends and expand my social circle, try to get a girlfriend (still unsuccessful in that regard).
>And then the previously stated girl who was always nice to me killed herself. She knew of my suicide attempt despite me trying to keep it a secret.
I still feel guilty, I recognized that she had been depressed, but she was always smiling. It was a hollow smile though.
>I had a dream that she and I were having dinner with my parents in some weird future. She announced that she was Pregnant and we're starting a family. That was the happiest I've ever felt, and I hugged her... And I said I'd never let her go again. (Again started to echo.)
I realized that this was a dream, and the scene faded from my mind as I felt her slip away. I cried for a good hour or so after that.

I have an Anxiety Disorder, Schizotypal Disorder, Paranoid Disorder, Major Depression, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and mild OCD. I think a lot of it stems from being made fun of most of my life.

She got an abortion on Christmas Eve?

I was kind of a little shit when I was a kid and would do various bad things. I nearly blinded some special-needs girl once when me and a friend were egging each other on to see who could be meaner to her - I threw a beanbag (one of those little ones you'd play hackeysack with) as hard as I could at her face, it smacked her right in the eye. At first we're just laughing our asses off but then some older kids who saw it start yelling at us and telling us we're bad. They got a teacher and we were taken to the principle. And all this time I just didn't understand what exactly I'd done wrong. I knew I was in trouble because I'd done something wrong but I had no comprehension of what or why. I'd just been screwing around and teasing her like everyone else does.

Now like any kid, I didn't want to be in trouble. So I lied and bullshitted and passed the buck onto another kid we knew. And subsequently I got away with it, while still not having been taught an understanding of what I'd done wrong. All I learned was that the feeling of being in 'trouble' was not fun because punishment would suck for me, and that said punishments can be avoided through lying.

Yeah. That kind of messed me up. My morality isn't so bad these days, I do have a grasp on empathy (apparently I displayed autistic tendencies (but not actual autism) when I was younger, so I dunno, maybe that was it?) and can understand and feel bad about 'wrong' actions done towards people, but I still have a compulsive tendency to do my best to squirm out of trouble by lying. I've gotten pretty good at it. Even if it's pretty fucking obvious I'm at fault for something I'll still try and avoid the blame.

My mom is an university educated psychologist and licensed clinical sexologist.

I'm an empty, analytical shell. But a completely normal guy on the outside. I find no pleasure in sex, and love is something I can dissect when it comes to myself.

I am much more intelligent than the average person (142 IQ), but my mother always made out like I was some kind of super genius and that I had to lord it over everyone. Also, I always had a lot of pressure to get the very best, starting when I was about 6 years old. Of course, this made me very elitist and stressed from a very young age, and I couldn't cope properly with school, even though I got above average grades.

At about year 10, I completly burnt out, with my grades dramatically dropping, removing the last of my self esteem.

Eventually, I switched schools and got heavily in to drugs.

My parents pulled me out of school at the end of year 11, then kicked me out of home the following year, when I was 17. There were times when I had nowhere to sleep and had to live off 20 dollars a week, as my parents kept on to my welfare payments, refusing to see me do well for myself.

>>1735298
The main differance between the foreveralone neckbeard and the normalfag of /r9k/ is that the so called normalfags didn't give up.

Dad raped me a lot, I guess that has had it's effects, mainly trust issues and (i think at least) made me asexual.

My mum would constantly tell me I was worthless and I would never amount to anything, so I now view myself as a worthless fuck who will never amount to anything.

My mother was a bit too fond of wine and at all kinds of social gatherings she'd have a glass too much and start making scenes, be it at a restaurant, at the theater or a family dinner. This has caused me to become an extremely discrete person and I do my best not to be noticed at all in any situation.