>never try to commit suicide
>never have tried to commit suicide

Two failed attempts, one failed intentional failure for attention. That one was probably the worst fuckup. Never detected, never discovered, never suspected.

>be 17
>be february of this year.
>depression for 5 years
>take 106 aspirin
>friend calls cops on me
>taken to hospital in ambulance
>worst fucking stomach cramps of my life
>drink this charcoal and other clear laxative shit
>NOPE.jpg
>you have to or we'll put a tube in your stomach and pump it in.
>so fucking out of it from aspirin, ears are ringing, etc.
>put the tube in
>puking/shitting for 8 straight hours.
>tube in stomach for 18 hours.
>neveragain.gif

Never had. Life may not be exciting for me but it's certainly nothing to kill myself over.

I think that's supposed to be a grown woman hanging herself, but the image is stretched horizontally, making it seem as though a toddler is committing suicide.

I lol'd.

>knew a chick who tried to kill herself by drowning when she was in the 4th grade
>knew a girl in high school who contemplated suicide but never went through with it.

I've never tried to commit suicide. Fuck I was depressed and thought about it but that's past already.
As my high school teacher once put it, "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

To those who tried: Did you feel regret as you were doing it? I've heard stories of survivors regretting as they are killing themselves.

>>118818

Kind of but not really.

I'd been feeling lonely and depressed for well over a year, starting to recover but having immense trouble rejoining society and being an actual human being and not a piece of trash. Was walking down the street when I decided to rest at a bridge.

Thought about what an ugly, lonely and pathetic shit I was. Realized that if I just threw myself over the bridge I'd die within minutes. Stood there contemplating it seriously for about fifteen minutes, was about to do it then I realized what I was doing looked really obvious, the fact that I was standing underneath a streetlight only accentuated that.

A red truck stopped and pulled over and the person in it just stared at me (I don't know who they are or what gender they were, it was too dark to tell) and I decided against killing myself and just went home.

It was a terrifying night, although it seems mundane now.

I got really drunk and Cut a few big gashes into my arms. I really thought it would do the trick and I streamed it but nothing happened and I just passed out at the end of the night with blood fucking everywhere.

ive thought about it. if there was a guaranteed way that left no blood then i probably would have by now. i don't really want to live past 30 anyway so ive got time to figure it out

>>119029
did not regret. just kind of scared as to what death would be like

>>119187
It's nice of you to be considerate about it. If you don't mind my asking, why 30?

>take 4000mg of Seroquel
>accidentally set alarm
>wake up in hospital
>I'm not wearing underwear because I wet the bed
>I threw up some of it in my sleep
>could have choked on my vomit and died
>could have died from overdose
>could have ended up retarded like the other guy who overdosed on Seroquel
>my heart rate was all over the place when I was out
>could have died from a heart attack

I tried to put myself into a coma because life is miserable, I just wanted to skip out on most of my life and die.

>>119187
If I were to off myself, I'd want to blow my brains out so it's quick and painless and make sure my corpse is burnt. Just weirds me the fuck out imaging my family staring at my corpse and saying, "That's the last we'll see of him; doesn't he look so peaceful?" Uhhhh....

Anyways, thought about suicide a lot when I was away at college. I remember I called a suicide hotline during my first year. Was on the phone with them for like forty minutes before the guy said he had to go, heh, I guess he could sense a complete pussy who would never kill himself.

Really thought about it a lot during sophomore year. Student counselor chick almost called police to check on me 'cause she thought I was gonna kill myself. I think I was buying frozen enchiladas at Trader Joe's, lol.

As for now, I'm pretty sure suicide is the correct answer. Never had a job, in community college and sucking at it, left university, live with parents, 22-years-old, just totally worthless. Pretty sure it'd be better for me to go now than later.

But I'm selfish and I'd rather live and continually punish my parents than be dead, I mean, if I'm dead, how can I play video games? I can't.

>>119293

i just think that ill have gotten as far as i want to go. it seems like there is so much less that i want to experience as i get older. also i feel like at that point in my life everyone around my age who i still actually mean something to will have started there lives enough as not to be too affected by it.

>>119313

im in a very similar situation. i feel like im just drifting through life. i suck at college just because i dont try. i cant even think of something i would enjoy doing with my life, and even if i could i don't think i would have the balls to actually do something about it.

I just couldn't do it to my mom at this point who has been through so much I don't want to think about her burying her child. I'm just tired of having no direction

>was 18
>extremely depressed
>failing everything in high school
>got beat up by some jock the week before
>mom got pissed and broke my computer
>take 60 pills of klonopin
>cant keep down half of them
>so only 28 in system
>spend night in ER
>spend week in child psych ward
>changed life forever for the better
>i now see the beauty of everything and see life is precious but would still take chances bc we only have one and we need to have fun

>>119456

did you call for help yourself or did someone find you?

>>119435

I know that feel bro. I swear I used to be a smart person in highschool, loving art, good literature and history. Now all I do is browse the internet all day and do the bare minimum at university.

>>119479

i know man what happened i used to want to do so much with my life...

>Young and stupid.
>Find no point in living one night.
>Try to hang self, mother stops me.
>Hospitalized for a few days and hate it immensely.
>Promise never to try again.
>Think about it all the time but never tell in fear of another hospitalization.
>Next time I'll get it right.

>>119479
>>119494
To be honest, I blame it on my environment. I lived in an apartment with a friend for a bit during the first week I returned to college (community college, sadly), and I did a lot of work. Then I moved back in with my parents, living in the same room as my brother and I haven't done much at all.

I think I just need to get out of this house more often and do more work at other places.

>>119524

yeah i am so ready to just move out but i can't work enough hours while going to school to support living by myself

>>119313
>Never had a job, in community college and sucking at it, left university, live with parents, 22-years-old, just totally worthless. Pretty sure it'd be better for me to go now than later.

I know that feel. I'm currently 19 and almost 20. I'm in a decent college (like a top 10 public one) and a sohpomore. However, I'm being destroyed by my lack of friends and relationships (kissless virgin). I am so fucking depressed being like this. I hardly talk to anyone. I'm basically in class or in my apartment. And I study all the god damned time and get pathetic grades, only pulling like a 3.1 GPA in fucking intro classes.

I think about killing myself almost non-stop, but I don't know how I would do it, would be too pussy to do it, and don't want to hurt my parents who have paid so much for my college already

>>119478

i did it while my parents were home and i told my mom what i did, i think i just did it as a cry for help. she freaked out and i ended up being fine and actually ended up staying up most of the night lol from what i remember.

>>119360
That's interesting. Do you think there would be any circumstances where you wouldn't feel that way? I've spent my life with an intense phobia of death, so I find your outlook very interesting because it's so different from mine.

>>119435
I've felt upset over being directionless myself at times. Sometimes I've realized this is because I don't actually have any ambitions, and the only reason I'm unhappy is because I think other people expect me to do more. But if I'm happy and in a secure position I figure it's my life to squander. Is this pressure for finding a direction all internal?

>>118818

Not exactly suicide but definetley reckless behaviour on my end.

Took massive doses of Catapres, a CNS depressant so powerful its doses are in micrograms. 6 of those fuckers zonked me out. The effect was like going 5 days without sleep. Evering gets fuzzy..and you simply stop feeling. I liked that. Thats why i did it.

>>119538
At least you have a job, dawg. Be proud of yourself for being able to get out there and get a fucking job. I can't see myself ever doing that. I live off of loan money that I'll one day have to pay back.
>>119545
Sounds to me like college isn't for you. I feel that way a lot, and if I don't do too well this quarter, I think I'm done. Think about it this way: At least you don't owe 15k or so to the state from going to a university for three years and doing nothing. I even plan on going there another two years once I get the basics out of the way for my new major at community college.

I want to die already, but I can't, because I know the lies and shit that my parents and people who thought they were "close" to me would say. I'm trans but they don't know that shit and they'd start saying how much of a "strong, bright young man" I was and put me in a suit and cut my hair short and think that they all supported me 'till the end and that I was just confused.

Hell, even if I put it in a note I doubt it'd get read. At this rate I'd need like... To find some way to ensure I overdose quietly on drugs and shit then use explosives to blow the body apart so they have nothing to scavenge and pose to their liking.

I'm on the Internet!

>work for dell
>Oh the economy is going to shit, but don't worry. Dell has no plans to cut jobs
>the board member that said that gets fired
>they cut jobs
>me and 600 other techs are out of work
>apply for five jobs a day
>twenty-five jobs a week
>one hundred jobs per month
>this goes on for a year and a half
>unemployment runs out
>can't renew
>forced to move back in with parents
>can't afford migraine medication
>can't afford acid reflux medication
>can't afford gout medication
>can't pay off college loans
>can't pay off surgery costs
>wave bye bye to my excellent 800+ credit score
>have to live off of credit cards
>they're maxed out
>can't do anything
>fuck it. might as well end it all.
>take a bunch of heavy painkillers
>alcohol chaser
>k, off to bed
>Wake up in the middle of the night
>my heart has stopped
>I can't breathe good
>am I going to die?
>lurch out of bed
>fall down the stairs
>mother finds me trying to breathe
>get rushed to the emergency room

I was pretty close that time. Now I have a gun. If the depression gets to be bad again I can just eat a bullet.

>Father dies suddenly in the hospital
>Last time I saw him all I said whas "Can you talk? Can you talk?" and he didn't but because he had some oxigen bubbles I thought he was fine.
>Next morning sister calls. "Dad's dead" she said.
> 14 hours later we're home with the urn containing his ashes.
>People are all "turn the page" "stay busy" "life goes on" etc.
>Tons and tons of sadness, crying, losing weight, isolating myself, public meltdowns, etc.
>50 days after his death I mix alcohol and pills in a hotel room.
>I back out, call home, fall on the street, police pick me up.
>I regain consciosness about 4 to 6 hours later.
>Few days later enemy calls home, tells my mom I'm looking for a way to kill myself for good.
>I spend 5 days in a psychiatric facility until I convince her that he manipulated her.
>When I get out I push all my friends out of my life.
>Quit job a few weeks later.
>Now no job, no school and very little to none of hope.
>Why can't we all die together?

>>119585
>Sounds to me like college isn't for you
No, I pretty much have to go. If I don't go to college I will have nothing. I won't even be able to get a job. Then I really would kill myself. And my parents have paid so much, it would literally all be a waste. And I WILL repay them if I drop out. It will probably put me into bankruptcy already, but there's no way I would let them deal with a failure like me for the rest of their lives, their only child who will never give them any pride.

I sometimes even think about dropping out, changing my identity, and just mailing them unmarked envelopes with money in them

>>119603
My suggestion: Leave life. Take a gun with you and just leave. Your life is fucked all to hell, the only thing you can do now is abandon it for a new one.

Unless all the debt goes to your parents, that is. That would suck.

>be 18
>going through a particularly rough patch, thrown in mental hospital
>one night mother comes and talks to me
>for some reason she said a couple things that made go ballistic
>started screaming, banging my head against wall
>tried to fuck everything up in my room, but couyldn't as it was all secured
>nurse comes in, holds me down and another escorts my crying mother out
>nurses leave for one second to get tranqs
>now is mychance, decide the only thing to do is kill myself
>take out hidden belt
>tie around bathroom door handle, neck
>start trying to hang myself
>20 seconds later nurses come in and fuck it all up
>tranquilized and put in high risk ward for 3 days
>2 years later, everything going ok

sometimes I still wish I had been successful. Or had razor blades or something more effective at my disposal. If I think about it, suicide is probably the way I still want to die

One thread I see in a lot of these messages is people who aren't invested in their own lives. I know that feel. I have a question for you all: is there something that could be changed - even if it's out of your control - that would change that? Where you would feel like your own life was worth living?

>>119623
This may sound selfish, but you live for you. If you're thinking about killing yourself, don't think about your friends and family, don't think about them at fucking all. Think about yourself and think about whether or not non-existence is better than existence.

That's what keeps me from killing myself, the idea that I can't eat ice cream after death.

>>119603

If shit like that ever happened to me I'd be angry rather then suicidal.

>>119633

I'd have made it so that my oafish abusive mother died instead of my father. My quality of lif would be drastically improved and i woudnt have 5 psychiatric disorders

I've tried downing meds and sleeping, overdose style, but I'm so fat that they just kind of dissolved and nothing happen. Pretty much every time I'm in a pool I try to drown myself. I'm just genuinely unhappy with my life and my inability to make a serious impact on anything I also have hepatitis c so ill be dying eventually anyways

>>119633
I think that if all my college debt went away, I'd be less worried about my life. Right now, I'm going to college and still going to college even though I feel like it's pointless 'cause I want to get a degree to get a better job so I can pay off my college debt.

Really can't wait for this whole college thing to be over, whether that happens this year after I fuck up in goddamn community college, or three years from now when I finally get a degree in mathematics, if that even fucking happens. I just want a comfortable decent job so I can live in an apartment, play vidya, edit videos on my great computer, and pay off that fucking debt. Once it's all paid off, my whole life will feel like it has begun again.

>>119633
>One thread I see in a lot of these messages is people who aren't invested in their own lives. I know that feel. I have a question for you all: is there something that could be changed - even if it's out of your control - that would change that?

i dont get it

>>119624

The fuck? Do people actually think this? TRADE SCHOOL! There are some areas in HIGH DEMAND now that pay a decent wage. No, you won't get rich, but you can live comfortably. I fucking hate this "you need college" mentality. Most of the job is learned on the job anyway.

>>119686
Ah sorry, I meant present circumstances, not past. Although I definitely know that feel - both my parents were from crazy abusive households and so they basically tag-teamed beating the shit out of me. =/ If only I had known about child services, I might have managed to convince them to put me in foster care. I've worked with foster care kids since, so believe me when I say that despite all its flaws it would have been far better than it was for me with my biological parents! Blargh. Whenever someone talks about the importance of family I want to punch my fist all the way through their head.

plan to an hero
stopped
fuck
life forever fucked until 18
turn 18 think about it still contemplating

>>119633
I literally can't change it without being born differently so my reason is stuck with me. Everything else stems from it or just makes it worse.

>>119692
Drowning seems so comforting. My parents have a pool, and whenever I come home from a shitty day at school, I just wanna walk walk into the backyard and fall into the pool. I don't really want to drown, especially since drowning is apparently fucking awful, but I just wanna pass out in the pool and sleep for a few hours.

>>119722
In other words, look at your life right now. Is there something in there worth salvaging? Do you say "if only I had X" or something like that? I'm trying to differentiate between "there's nothing good in my life at all" versus "the bad stuff in my life outweighs the good stuff."

>>119553

I dont know. I've never really been one to care about success in terms of wealth so having a great job wouldn't fix anything. And I've realized that all i do is hurt people around me and im so fucking tired of hurting them. so i dont really have much left. maybe if i got to a position in life where i got to help other people who were struggling like me. i cant say for sure there isnt anything to change my view though.

Also I dont think i feel any pressure from other people to do something with my life. Everyone else thinks I'm doing great and will be able to get a great job out of college. But even if that does happen I just dont see it making me any happier. So yes I would say it is a self pressure, i just want something to do with my life that i feel is important.

No matter how fucked things are seizing to exist isn't better, and most people who attempt suicide don't realize what they are about to do, i don't believe that someone who realizes what happens at death would attempt it

>>119780
Are you the trans person from up above?

>>119766

Funny thing there is some random tried to get me taken away from here when i was in primary school. Unfortunatley failed. As for present circumstances..more or less the same dude...KILL HER OFF.I'd stab her, but fuck going to jail. Ironic isn't it. Stabbing her would be justice...yet i go to jail. She is also a fat pig that never stops eating, so i encourage it. I want her to have a heart attack.

>>119781
I'm the poster from before. I've always found the water comforting. I know when I die I want it to be in water, or for me to be buried in water or have my ashes scattered across the world in all the different oceans and seas

Dear retards, if you want to kill yourself by overdose, you are looking for RESPIRATORY DEPRESSION. This is where, essentially, your brain slows down to the point where you forget to breathe, google it. What you want is a combination of copious amounts of alcohol, opioid painkillers (morphine, oxycodone etc) and benzodiazepines (anti-anxiety meds, sometimes used for insomnia). Modern sleeping pills alone (which are generally non-benzodiazepines and benzodiazepines) are extremely safe and will not kill you unless you take a ridiculous amount. OTC sleeping pills are usually anti-histamines, which won't kill you because sedation caused by histamine antagonism is self-limiting. A lot of these also contain significant anti-cholinergic effects, which will make you batshit insane and have horrifying hallucinations.

Don't be a fucking twat and overdose on acetaminophen for attention, it will kill your liver, and you will require a liver transplant or have to suffer a long and very painful death.

>>119810
Actually it sounds like the people in your life are pressuring you. They're pressuring you to stay the same. You clearly want to change though. Maybe you need to make them angry to make yourself happy? Not a pleasant though, but then again no one else gets to decide how you live your life...

I got in some real deep shit

Took around 16 800mg acetaminophen pills within 24 hours

I've never attempted, fortunately. The closest I came to even being in that scenario was laying on my bed staring at my gun, genuinely considering doing it after months of feeling like shit. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I couldn't pinpoint why I was unhappy, and realized that I'm probably just dealing with untreated depression or something of the sort that's fucking up my thinking. Eventually snapped out of the entire phase as quickly as it came--I don't know what the fuck that was all about.

you fags should join a high risk high reward job instead, like the military or being a cop/firefighter

how about you try helping people

OOOWHAAAT? /r9k/? FULL OF WHINY EMO TEENAGERS? PREPOSTEROUS!

Well, not really ot. I've been contemplating suicide since I was at the 8th grade. I'm 24 now, almost out of college with 4/5 average and my life has been so easy it's ridiculous. Being a poorfag in Europe is a little different than in US I presume.

When I finally go insane I think I'll set myself on fire and jump of a building. Maybe add the iron wire around neck and glue my hands on my head thing. Gun would be easier but what the hell, I'm going to die so might as well go in style.

>>119897
I wish I went through this phase as a teenager. Well, I sorta did at 18/19, but I'm 22 and I'm still in that phase. I feel like I'm about five years behind when it comes to life, and it's really fucking me up.

>>119842

I definitely need a change. I think anyones opinion I actually care about would support anything I do though I just feel like I'm stuck where I am since I'm almost about to graduate. Either that or I'm just too scared to make an actual change in my life which is probably closer to the truth since I've always been afraid to fail.

At this point I just want to graduate and then move away and try and start over for a bit and see how it goes.

>>119884

I've thought about it before, but the army in my country has very stringent psych tests which I might not pass. I'll still try though.

>>119781
I tried drowning myself once. It's the worst feeling in the world. My will to live came back up while I was drowning and I will never do it again because the feeling is so much worse than wanting to die.

>>119603
File for bankruptcy, go to the Department of Social and Health Services, get a medical coupon and foodstamps, then go to Social Security and apply for supplemental security income or disability.

First time was senior year in high school. Took a whole bunch of this epilepsy meds my brother has. it was supposed to make me pass out and then slow my breathing and heart rate down until I stopped all together. I remember taking all of it and then getting really really bad shakes. Like violent contractions all over. Then I did pass out. Next thing I know I wake up the next morning covered in vomit and totally naked sprawled all over the bed. My mom is like "WTF" and says she's taking me to the hospital. I convince her to let me take a shower and get cleaned up. Spent the next two nights in ICU while the drained my system with that charcoal stuff. Bull shited my way out of another few nights in the mental hospital and told them it wasn't serious, just a cry for attention ( I thought it was serious).

Then I did an actual not serious cry for attention. Ended up in the mental hospital for the standard 3 days. Shit was god awful. Hated the place, but I met two sexy ladies. Too bad they didn't want anything to do with me. Anyways the stay was bullshit. They just talk down to you and tell you the same ol "life is worth it. Not a good solution blah blah blah I'm totally not reading from a pamphlet and pretending to care about you"

Last attempt I got plastered. Drank a whole bottle of whiskey and got a trash bag and tied it around my head. Must have taken it off at some point because I woke up feeling hung over the next morning and the bag was on the ground. I do remember getting tunnel vision and blacking out though. Not sure how I wiggled out.

Currently planning on a real serious attempt again, but I'm really chicken shit. My only excuse right now is "I have to play Skyrim. That's worth living a few more weeks for." but I always come up with an excuse like that. It'll probably be "Oh I have to see the end of the current season of House." or whatever. But I do have the noose tied and ready in the garage if I ever get around to it.

>>119884
>high risk high reward
>military, cop
Actually the real money is in investing and medicine. The highest paying job where you get a gun is police chief, and even that isn't in the top 100 highest paying professions. Pro tip: when a government dumps bodies on a problem, they don't bother stuffing the pockets with too many dollar bills - just enough to keep the widows from causing a fuss.

>>119924
I sure as hell woudn't. I want to watch the world puddi. 80% cause i want to save humans from themselves by "deleting" all the bogans and human garbage (of which society is %50 comprised of) and the other 20% is out of pure hatred.

>>119914
Just throwing this out there: I was in your shoes once, but I just buckled up and finished a degree. Only problem was that my career track required a PhD, so my undergrad diploma was practically useless. If your degree does not lead directly to a job, don't bother finishing.

>>119884
all those jobs screen for mental illness. If you even have a single attempt or just on anti-depressants they won't take you on. Not even the army which takes in people who can technically be mentally retarded.

>>119936
Excuses to stay alive are always good excuses, even if they're for things that seem incredibly minor like watching a tv series or playing a video game. If my life just became, "YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU ACHIEVE SOMETHING," I'd probably kill myself. I guess that proves that I'm absolutely fucking worthless, but eh, Saints Row 3 comes out next month and I really want to play it. Plus I need to see where the next GTA game takes place. And how Breaking Bad ends. I've also never seen The Godfather, nor have I seen Shakespeare in Love (so I can finally see why people got so mad when it won best picture).

etc., etc., all reasons to stay alive, really.

I've never tried it but I think about doing it a couple times a month

The nights are the worst

>>120005

I'm gonna have a concurrent math/cis degree so i shouldn't really have a problem finding a job, its just that i don't think having a job will help where im at

I've considered it. I'm afraid of my future which will probably be nothing, so it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

I'm a coward and all that, but I won't really care about that. I'll be dead.

>>120053
Go see a doctor to get antidepressants and see a therapist. They helped me a lot.

You're all a bunch of ungrateful first world complainers. You have no idea how good you really have it. You live in a time of unparalleled freedom and living standards in the richest country that has ever existed.

Do you see people in places like this complaining that their house is made out of fucking corrugated steel built on streets lined with waste? They fight through poverty and disease and claw their way forward just to earn the right to breath.

You are incubated by modern society with no real hardship and consequently no reason to exhibit drive or strive for life. But it is your fault for not seeking these things out under your own power. Coupled with the modern luxury of freedom to explore yourself and your desires is the responsibility to craft yourself into a successful, functional and balanced human being.

I think about suicide every fucking day. Been like this for 3 years now. It's not as bad as it was last year but it's started to get worse in the last 2 months since I started school again.

I'm 25 now, don't have a single friend or acquaintance. The only people I talk to are people at work and my parents at home. Oh yeah, I still live with parents. I don't see myself ever becoming friends with anyone unless they are somehow forced to. I have so many dreams but instead of going through with them I waste time on nothing.

Havn't followed through with and attempts yet but I came close a few times. One day I know I'll act on them, cause right now I don't even know what is keeping me from going through with this. It seems so simple...

>Get a laptop for my birthday
>Set up a Clicksterz account
>People callin' me a whore and shit
>Super depressed
>Post an emo video on my wall
>Try to commit suicide but can't open pill bottle
>Me and mom petition government to protect teenagers from cyberbullying

>>120135

honestly i would really like to i just dont know how to ask for help. and i would probably abuse antidepressants anyway

>>120191
>>120191
>People have it worse than you so you have no right to have a chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you sad
>People are starving so you have no right to be a diabetic and be in a position where sugar can kill you
>People can't afford vehicles so you have no right to drive and get in an unprovoked accidental car wreck that kills you

>>120191
>HEY GUYS STOP BEING DEPRESSED I KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS

>>120191
Not that I totally disagree, but you have to realize that it's all relative. There's millions of people out there in third world countries that are jaded to seeing people get mutilated, stoned, beaten, blown up by explosives, dismembered, etc, yet in a modern culture someone would be traumatized for life by seeing that first person. It doesn't make their trauma any less real because they weren't exposed to the hardships of a third world life.

>>120191
As someone who really wouldn't consider himself to be a victim (please don't kill me) of depression, I get what you're saying. All it does is make me feel shittier, actually.

That being said, yes, I know it's all my fault. When someone actually does make a mistake that fucks up my day, I rarely get mad at them. But when I make a mistake, I become infuriated. I can't believe that I fucked up, yet again, but I did.

>>120243
Google therapists in your area. If you can't afford one go to DSHS and get a medical coupon.

>beginning of summer this year, 19 yrs old
>depressed all the time, panic attacks
>paranoid, crying every night, nightmares
>no reason for any of it
>keep telling friends I want to be dead
>set a date, write the note, plan it out
>hang out with friends and have fun on the day to throw them off
>pretend to go to bed until parents are asleep
>take razor, goodbye note, pills and a drink into the woods
>take the pills
>scratch my wrists but pussy out
>pussy out big time, tell my friends I'm dying
>they freak out, call my house
>I pussy out completely, go inside and eventually tell my parents
>go to hospital
>ER for two days because pills cause heart problems
>psych clinic for five days after that

I still think about it a lot. These past 3 or 4 weeks I really started to get serious about it again, but things are starting to feel better. I still keep it in the back of my mind...it's almost comforting in a way.

>>120191
>realize my problems are all insignificant related to those people
>feel even shittier about myself

thanks bro

also, the third world excuse is pretty stupid. you can use that any time a western person ever has anything bad happen to them.

I think about suicide daily, but I'd never do it. I even contemplate typing out a suicide note and just keeping it on my computer

If you're going to kill yourself (not by overdosing anyways, or I suppose have aids or hepatitis) be sure to become an organ donor. You have not done anything worthwhile and your entire life was pointless and a waste but your death can be the only thing you ever did meaningful.

If you're going to throw your life away at least let someone who wants to live get some final use out of you.

>>120395
Nah, 'cause then my parents will have my corpse and thus have an open casket funeral, even if I put something in my will saying not to. That freaks me way the fuck out.

If I'm selflessly killing myself, I think I'm allowed one selfish act.

And here it must be said that to call suicides only those who actually destroy themselves is false. Among these, indeed, there are many who in a sense are suicides only by accident and in whose being suicide has no necessary place. Among the common run of men there are many of little personality and stamped with no deep impress of fate, who find their end in suicide without belonging on that account to the type of the suicide by inclination; while, on the other hand, of those who are to be counted as suicides by the very nature of their beings are many, perhaps a majority, who never in fact lay hands upon themselves

-Herman Hesse

>>120418
But just as there are those who at the least indisposition develop a fever, so do those whom we call suicides, and who are always very emotional and sensitive, develop at the least shock the notion of suicide. [...] All suicides are familiar with the struggle against the temptation of suicide. Every one of them knows very well in some corner of his soul that suicide, though a way out, is rather a mean and shabby one, and that it is nobler and finer to be felled by life than by one's own hand.

-Herman Hesse

>>119756
Seriously, dude.
I went to a technical HS for that very reason.
If I end up hating college, I have a cushion to fall back on.

>be 18
>join Marine Corps in 2007
>yay, fighting terrorists and loving the country
>Deploy to Iraq
>3 months in, road side IED rips humvee to shit during convoy
>Traumatic Brain Injury, shrapnel in legs
>5 months to "heal" (they only cared about the physical damage of my legs)
>Only survivor of the vehicle
>Survivor's grief, PTSD, depression
>They want to deploy me again
>Fuck that shit
>Court martial, brig time, dishonorable discharge in 2009
>Can't get job with fucked up DD-214, live with parents
>Deal with PTSD alone
>Become alcoholic
>Drunk as shit one night decide to take every pill in the house
>Wake up in hospital
>Can't even do that right
>Hate life

I've been working with the VA to try and reverse the judgement on the court martial and discharge on medical grounds but progress is shit. Google "Feres Doctrine" and see just how the military covers their own ass when it comes to things like this.

There are a shitload of failed pill stories ITT.
I get that there's probably some psychology behind it--people call for help before it's too late for them, or are discovered, maybe because they were only attention-seeking to start.
But there also seem to be people who are just taking the wrong pills? Can someone settle this for me? Is taking 60 aspirin or whatever just not going to kill you? What pills do you have to take for an attempt to actually work?

>>119456
Why don't people ever think to take some emetrol with whatever they want to OD on? There's always a story in these threads where people barf up the drugs...

>>121418
the people the pills worked for really can't post and tell you what works .. . . .

>>120200

I'm exactly the same asyou, except I have no desire to die. I faced my mortality in hospital once and quickly learned that when it came down to it, I wanted to live.

>be 19
>tired of not having friends, being a kissless virgin, disappointing my family
>take 14 ambiens and half a fifth of jack daniels
>pass out on bed
>wake up in morning covered in vomit
>havent tried since, but consider it all the time

>>121510
TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN'T DO THIS >>121466

>>120674
Nice copypasta bro. Unless you posted your story somewhere else.

>>120191

Let them die. We need more death, not less. I hope there is never a cure for cancer, or AIDS. Humans are out of control, Parasites on this earth. There isnt anything that really kills us fast, even with accidents,cancer and aids we still number in the billions. Imagine the overcrowding and shitty living conditions in the future due to overpopulation. This would be even worse if there were cures for all diseases.

Two words: Wake Up

Considered tossing myself off a building once.

Didn't do it obviously, but I gave it some serious thought.

>>121545
because ambien was all i had available at the time

>Be 14 start using drugs under the excuse of depression
>Stick to pills for the most part
>Be 17
>Take an excessive amount DXM and Xanax
>Come down
>Decided its about time to be moving on
>Try to drink bottle of rubbing alcohol
>Mother see me in kitchen attempting to
>Knock that shit out of my hands
>Brought to hospital
>Get committed for two weeks

>tried to commit suicide
>implying killing yourself isnt the easiest thing ever

Get depressed
Drink 4 bottles of Robitussin cough syrup
Begin tripping incredibly.
Have life-changing psychedelic experience.
Realize I have something to live for
The End

Last April I decided to kill myself. I was out of school, working a dead end job, dealing with debilitating pain and depression, and living with my parents who were constantly expressing their disappointment in me.

I had a scholarship on my ACT score to go to Indiana University as an English major. I wanted to teach. Because my mom is such a financial black hole due to her "illness" (read: crippling drug problem) my dad asked me to go to a community college to help save money for a while. I did as he asked, and hated every second of it. By the end of the first semester I lost all passion I had for school and dropped out. I was the first woman in my family to go to college.

I picked up a second job in retail (at the time I was working in the English department as a tutor) and thought my life was going nowhere. I was diagnosed with degenerative disks and prescribed vicodin for the pain.

In April I swallowed around 40 of them. Long story short an ambulance was called, I was rushed to the emergency room, force-fed charcoal and locked up in the psych ward for 10 days.

Now I'm fine. They diagnosed me bipolar, put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers and set me up with a therapist. I'm still gripped by depression every now and then, but it's manageable. I'm on my way to becoming a paramedic and moving out. Things are better.

>>121708

The system still treated you better than i did.

I have multiple anxiety disorders, Severe depression. and a personality disorder and all i got was a SSRI. Im envious

>>121708
You should get supplemental security income/disability so you don't have to work. I'm on it right now because I have really bad back pains and I'm bipolar like you. I don't plan on staying on it forever, just until I can graduate college and get a nice job.

I don't understand why people get prescribed pills for so called disorders. If their is a reason for their disorder would it be better to get to the bottom of it, then cover it up with pills. And if their is no reason would and it is simply brain chemistry by changing it would you not be changing your self. Further more if it is just brain chemistry who is to say what is the proper way for it to function? Or I suppose it it also quite possible it is nothing more then illogical emotions, in which case, could one not simply conquer them with reason?

>>121734
You get out of the system what you put into it. No one is going to save you, you have to want to get better. I know that sounds cliche and harsh, but it's true. I didn't start getting better until I told them exactly what I wanted out of it, participated with my therapist and started working on my issues. Stop whining if the meds don't work, find a solution. Try different things. Don't be envious because they "treated me better", that's what I told them I wanted, what I said was working for me.

>>121773
People shouldn't want to die. End of story. If you do, you have a problem you need to address. That is not how anyone's brain is "supposed" to function, it's an imbalance. I'm not on meds anymore, they just got me through the darkest of it until I could learn to cope with the help from my therapist.

I wouldn't consider it an attempt but one time I went to the top of my building to investigate the possibility to jump. The door was locked safe though.

>>121817
Then are you not implying that we are all not individuals. One must act a certain way or it is a disorder? Could it not be people who wish to die are simply outliers and it would seem they will not thrive? How do you know its is an 'imbalance'? Does that not imply that their is a 'normal balance'? And if their is a normal balance, how do you know what it is?

>Yes
>Pills
>Long story short, an abusive relationship+a really weak personality
>Because of bulimia. It weakened my gag reflex and I threw up all the pills before I could overdose. I'm probably the only case where an eating disorder has saved someone's life.

>was in a psych ward/detox
>found out through phone my now ex wife had cheated on me
>Tried to take my bedsheet and tie it to each opposite end of the shower curtain post
>Staff member forced open bathroom (no locks) after seeing me not in my bed and the sheet gone

Ended up having to be on over 2000 mgs a day of depakote and other shit, mine you I weighed about 155 at the time.

>be my ex
>be 14
>drink drain-o, take pills
>write suicide note in diary
>sister reads note
>sister tells mom
>mom takes me to doctor
>stomach pumped
>psych evaluation
>lie through my teeth
>escape institutionalization
>boy I like finds out
>he dates me for it

>be me again
>don't tell her that's why I dated her at first until 3 years later, after break up

Probably shouldn't have told her.

>>120200
You sound like me, only 7 years older.

If there was a way for me to 'disappear' from existence I would have taken it.

Yes!
I got sexually abused and tried to commit the night it happend by jumping out infront of a car. Boyfriend of the time got me off and ended up getting hit himself. by the side mirror, so he was just a bit bruised.

I tried again at 16 by overdosing on pills. I ended up vomitting them all up!

Then I tried september of last year by once again running on a highway. I got taken to the hospital by the police.

>>121910
younger I meant

>>121861
I'm speaking on behalf of societal norms. The reason they threw me in the hospital and spent 30,000 dollars on me was to rehabilitate me, wouldn't you agree? The effort put into me was to reverse my suicidal tendencies. I trust what the doctors, nurses, therapists, clerics, paramedics, and counselors were saying. They have far more training than you (just speculation, correct me if I'm wrong) or I.

>>120191
Read "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers".

Good book.

>>121924
>Am nurse
>You're talking out your ass.

Just like not all depression is a chemical imbalance, not all suicide attempts are either.

>came really close in college. i'm still surprised i didn't go through with it.
>mom had a 9mm glock which i took and cleaned often. i also rode a motorcycle doing lots of risky things, daring the universe to kill me.
>chemical imbalance + depressive personality
>i got by with a little help from my friends
now i take pills that keep me from going under--5htp and flax oil. i also have learned to change up my activities so i don't get stuck in a rut and keep close with friends and family.

>>121924
I feel you are taking this personal and it should not be. Just simply asking few question. I was hoping you wouldn't bring it back to you. Just simply trying to understand personality disorders and individuality. What point is a line drawn and why it is okay to prescribe people pills they can become addicted to. It just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it doesn't to you either?

>>121944
Maybe you can help me with a question. If someone has 'depression' not brought on by an imbalance, why do doctors pill them up with SNRI, SSRI, benzodiazepines, etc....?

I tried to will myself into death once, didn't work.

>>120191

Yeah, never post again. Guess what? The people who actually study the human mind have known for decades now that what you just posted will not change anything. It won't make people depressed, nor will it make them any likelier to kill themselves and stop posting (since you're a borderline sociopath that's probably the only part you care about). It's an old idea, it's never worked, and only idiots think it will. So congratulations, you just wasted everyone's time, including your own.

>>121944
Excuse me for speaking in generalities, I'm speaking from my experience and what I've learned. Statistically speaking, most cases of suicide are caused by depression which is caused by either an underlying psychological issue (which some disorders can be explained by chemical imbalances i.e. serotonin deficiencies) or simply a chemical imbalance. Don't accuse me of "talking out my ass", I'm not in any way ignorant.

I've only got a little over half a decade of work (and all the schooling obviously) in the mental health field under my belt, but I think many of you could benefit from group and/or individual counseling, and possibly medication. Depending on where you live you may even be able to get it for free, or for as little as $1 a session (weird I know). Check your town's listing for social services, and if you have health insurance ask them what they cover for mental health (warning: some don't cover anything at all because they're terrible human beings). Also know that there is always a suicide hotline available to you (again, check locally for the nearest number), so if you have these feelings but want them to stop/aren't sure about them remember that there's always someone there for you. But whatever you do, DO NOT JUST GET A PILL FROM YOUR DOCTOR. They don't know a damn thing about psych meds, but they're allowed to prescribe them anyway. Those warnings about some psych meds causing suicidal thoughts? That's idiot GPs and family docs overstepping their bounds. Only get psych meds from a psychiatrist, and see them regularly so they can monitor the effects!

It's not a popular position in my profession, but I support your right to end your life. I just want to make sure that you are of sound mind when you do it! Some depression and hopelessness is understandable, but some of it's just bad brain chemistry or dysfunctional thinking patterns (or both). Get yourself some help to make sure it's not one of the last two! But if you need to leave, well... I'm sorry to see you go, but it was nice meeting you all the same. I hope you find peace. You deserve it.

>several months ago
>drunk and going through a severe episode
>crying and angry and shit
>tested hanging myself with a surfboard leash figured I'd just go with it if I lost conciousness.
>wrips and I hit the floor.
>everything else after that is kind of a blur.

>>122025
Glad to know I am not the only person who think its crazy doctors just hand out pills like candy.

>>121956

still ride bru?

One odd thing I have noticed about this thread, no one has posted about offing them selves with using an exit bag. I suppose it may be a sign that they work fairly well?

>>122010
Well no offense, but you were coming off as rather ignorant. Getting up in arms about an alternative perspective that is also correct made/makes me think you're ignorant.

>>121967
I wasn't trying to make it personal, that was simply my experience. I suppose I was a best case scenario, I only stayed on pills until I felt I could manage without them. The thing that I feel really helps people is the therapy, not the drugs. If you just have medication without therapy, you have manufactured happiness but most people suffering from depression can't function without the meds. It's not right to simply prescribe medications and hope the illness goes away, they should be used as a crutch to further their treatment.

>>122055
From what I've read up is that it's pretty damn successful if the bag is put on correctly. There's the odd story of it coming off afterwards...I mean it's no certainty, but certainly better than the 1% sucuss rate of overdose.

>>122051
i just moved back from nyc so now i can have a vehicle again. i'm thinking of getting a motorcycle. not a sportbike this time. well, probably not a sportbike.

>>121981
Well, I hate to say this but: Money in many cases, necessity in others.

It's kind of like even if you don't have ADHD but take Adderall you'll still feel more focused (most of the time). You get the benefits and in the case of suicidal patients the benefits might help while they can undergo counseling. These are the people that can eventually stop taking the medications. Those that suffer from a chemical imbalance that is not triggered by environmental factors will need to be on the medications for the rest of their lives.

>>122069
Why would you read up on something like that? I know why I did...

>>122104
Let's say that it's nice to know there's an exit.

>>122089
Don't even get me started on ADHD and ADD just a way to sell amphetamines if you ask me. I always hear that phase "chemical imbalance." I don't understand how people think they can have a chemical imbalance. Your brain is what makes you. If it is shooting low amount of serotonin that is just simply who you are is it not? Besides what the fuck would make a normal balance then?

>>122138
Yep and it looks like you don't even notice it. Easy to get too. I am sure the cashier would look at me funny when I am buying an oven bag, helium tank, and tubing, from a local target store.

>>121956
>>122070

Makes me sort of curious, I may have read somewhere that a behavioural part of depression may involve in engaging in dangerous activities. I've been diagnosed with depression and have been doing irresponsible shit forever - is that in part because of the depression, some subconcious lack of will to survive. Or because boys will be boys?

>>121773
>And if their is no reason
>their
It's "there" you fuckwit. Also you can't make mental illnesses go away by thinking about it.

>>122162
Yeah, it's almost perfect. Maybe if I could pay someone on craigslist to come afterwards and remove the bag and that then it would be perfect.

I'd hate for my parents to think I committed suicide.

Also, buy a cucumber and some Vaseline alongside it. She won't know what to think.

>>121708
You sound like an awesome person, and I'm proud of you, fellow robot. Just so you know.

>>122147
But then what about the severe disorders that become dangerous? Those just who they are and we shouldn't try to fix it?

And lol I thought the same thing about ADHD kids and meds until I started working at a hospital. I've seen kids so severe that they were literally a danger to the community when they got behind the wheel and couldn't maintain a conversation to save their life for more than a few seconds. Like I once had a boy with such severe ADHD that even after a bad car accident, breaking a leg and many of his ribs and a few other bones, he refused to remain in his bed and ended up re-fracturing his ankle because he couldn't sit still long enough even if the alternative was severe pain as we hadn't anticipated this and thus had not put him on any pain killers (Though my opinion on both of these matters might be a bit swayed because as a nurse I really only see the most severe of these cases)

And a normal balance is considered the average of humans when a brain is fully functioning.

like 10 times most "successful" attempt
>tired of life wait until roommates are gone planned for months
>drink 26 of vodka
>tape plastic bags around head
>handcuff hands behind back
>friend walks in drunk forgot to lock door
>freaks out and calls cops
>cops take me to mental hospital there for 6 days
>everyone i know finds out about it at school

>>122177
Thank you for correcting me on my grammar. You attempt to belittle me is rather cute. I also like to thank you for bring up a counter argument. However that thanks is short lived because you don't even attempt to bring any sort of argument to the table. Further more what is a 'fuckwit' is that some kind of disorder? I googled it but nothing came up.

>>122188
I too would feel bad if anyone found out I took an exit. Couldn't live with the guilt...
I like that idea, if I do buy those things, ill add what you stated.

>>121930
Bought this on a whim just now because of your rec.
It's really well-written, and I think I'm going to love it. Just so you know you had an influence.

>>122195
Thank you :) I've been working really hard and it's paying off. There's a lot of shit, but there's also a lot of good.

>>122227
>boyf
I love you.
>girlf

>>122207
You bring up a good point with severe cases. I suppose that would be the line, when it cause harm to one self or others.

As for the chemical imbalance you then make it seem like individuality doesn't exist. That there is a proper way to be and acting out or different is wrong.

>>122270
Wow, really?
It just seemed as if it were about what you were talking about so I thought you might like to read it. I hope you enjoy it!

>>122277
In the past we mocked and critized and maybe locked them up, now we medicate. Seems to be a step foward.

>>122243
Can you blame him for being upset? It's kind of insulting that you're suggesting that mental illnesses can just be wished away. You're implying that we're just not thinking about it enough.

>>122291
You have to understand where my perspective on this is coming from. As a nurse, it's kind of my job not to treat people as individuals because if we gave everyone completely individual treatment and treated every disorder we came across in every single person as completely different, we'd never get our job done. I leave that to the shrinks that are getting paid to work one on one. I personally can only work in generalizations of people as terrible as that sounds.

And I'm not saying that it's wrong. But just that life would be a lot easier if different behavior is corrected in most cases. It's a norm for a reason and that's because it's what generally works best.

>>122304
I never stated they could be wished away. I was saying people shouldn't tie them selves down to these illness. If you think you are depressed, will that only feed your depression. Don't get me wrong, I think life is rather pointless and would rather get going with the dieing part, but it boggles my mind people say "I have X disorder, so I need to talk to Y person, and get Z drug." I was always told everyone is different. Can't your feelings be different too? Even if they are self-destructive and painful. Why do so many people take what they have and numb it with drugs? Why would you want to stop someone from killing them selves when it clear the pain has become greater then their coping skills and they would rather end it all then take one more painful breath?

>>122331

Ooops. Meant to respond to >>122277 with that.

>>122331
Kind of what I thought. I am assuming your an American like me, and that is all this society is about, forget hard work, forget sweat, forget willpower, take the easy road, life is so much better when it easy.
Regardless of my cynicism, thank you for answering my question. I better understand your point a view. Not enough time and money, too many people.

>>122359
I figured you were responding to me.
You should see
>>122359 still.

>>122405
Sweety, if you knew the amount of sweat and willpower I put into my job, you'd know I wasn't taking the "easy road" in treatments but rather the only feasible road at this time. But you're right. Not enough money. We could never afford to staff our hospital with enough nurses and doctors to treat each patient individually and if we could, health care prices would sky rocket and no one would be able to afford them anyway.

And not to mention, this route isn't exactly easy on the patients either. It's a long road of trial and error with medications and treatments (Fuck shrinks because they're all fucking different and no one can find the right one) to better balance their head's until we find what works (if we ever do). And any other route may not be an option for some kids. Like have you ever seen a schizophrenic that refused to take their meds? I remember a story from one of my co-workers of one girl that acted perfectly normal so everyone thought she was taking her medication but in reality she wasn't taking them because she was convinced she didn't actually have a disorder and that everyone was just out to get her. She stabbed and almost killed her boyfriend. Just sayin' lol.

>>122473
Honey, I never meant for you to think you were taking the easy road. It seems like you do generally care, otherwise you wouldn't keep posting and being polite. Just saying most 'shrinks' do and their clients are more then happy to go with them.

As for your story its rather funny. I just find it confusing if she was a schizophrenic (I am guessing paranoid one from the sounds of it) she was able to suppress or hid her craziness till she got out. But I was under the impression they hallucinate and are delusional, wouldn't that be easy to see if she was hearing voices in her head. She wouldn't be able to tell if they are real or not.

Not sure if that is coming out right. I guess it is all about not stabbing each other and people who do should be labeled crazy.

>>122565
I just read my last post it didn't make much sense to me. I am thinking I should get some sleep. Thank you for responding to me and allowing me to broaden my horizons.

>>122565
Not all schizophrenics hear the voices in their heads or have the hallucinations. I think it's like....75% that do hear voices or something (I could be wrong on that percentage). And I can't honestly say one way or another if she suffered from this as she wasn't one of my patients and actually we just kinda' treated the boyfriend for the stab wounds and that's how we found out about this so it might not even be schizophrenia as it's all kind of hear-say at this point. But it is common for schizophrenics to not want to take their medications for one reason or another and many can and do hide this rather well up until a breaking point where it eventually comes out in their behavior.

It's ironic because if people are really too stupid to kill themselves, they should just be shot out of mercy.

>>122602
No problem. I had fun. Thanks for the discussion. Get a good rest.

>>122645
As did I. Will do.

I was 15 and my horrible fuck of a brother spent most of his time making sure my life was miserable. This night in particular he let his friend rape me after they beat the shit out of me for refusing to give the dude a blowjob. After the guy let me up I ran up stairs and hid in the attic. I set up there trying to think of something I could tell my parents to get them both out of my life forever but I knew my parents loved my brother too much despite him being a sociopath and I don't think I could look my parents in the face and tell them I was raped. I deicide suicide was the only way out of this shit existence and looked around the attic for rope or something sharp. I can't find anything and I knew we didn't keep medication in the house because my folks were worried about my brother taking it. After about 20 minutes I come across a hammer in a tool belt and use it to take out the nails in the only window up there. I crawl through the window and make my way to the highest point of our house and without over thinking it and letting myself get too scared to do it I jump. I don't really remember hitting or anything but I woke up hours later to my neighbour screaming when she saw me on her way to her car to leave for work. I faded in and out a bit but I didn't really come to until I was in the hospital and I could hear people saying that it looked like the rain we had gotten softened the ground to the point the impact didn't kill me. I guess that's the only reason I failed. I ended up with a broken arm and a surprisingly nicely defined me shaped print in the yard.

>Be 17
>Tried to kill myself
>Succeeded.

You Jelly?

>>123535

so your a ghost then?

inb4 potassium cyanide at the 2o minute mark i was rezed

pic defeinatly related

So do you guys still want to kill yourselves or are you completely over it?

>>122243
yeah, I wish i had the guts...I would wish you luck but I'd feel incredibly guilty over that.

>>123535
well you know people effectively die, but then they shock their heart and they're back alive.

Dunno, depending on whatever the definition of suicide is it might be possible to do what you did

I've been suicidal for quite a long time. It's only recently that it's occurred to me that I need to see a doctor about it- and that was when I started planning how to kill myself with my collar.

If it weren't for the internet and the forum I was on at my worst, I probably wouldn't be here today.

I've thought so many times about jumping off bridges, hanging myself, etc.

I wouldn't overdose- like my friend who inadvertedly got my suicidalness kick started.

I guess it's story time?

>Have a friend who selfharms, overdoses a lot
>Every fucking time, it's an overdose
>Finally, they chuck her into a mental health place for evaluation
>It's supposed to be a 1 month evaluation place only, she stays for 6 months, and even then she only gets out because she turns 18
>She's taken so many overdoses in this time that it's unreal
>She's in and out of mental health wards for ages
>I stick by her for unknown reasons
>She overdoses in front of me one day
>So pissed off I cut off all contact

-cont with some general info (field too long)

>>123869

This was after about a year and half after she first went into a mental hospital, and she'd been overdosing long before that.
I nearly failed my A levels because of her
I felt like a failure- because I couldn't help her, because I wasn't doing as well as everyone had hoped, because I couldn't sort my own life out.

Since I cut off contact my own depression has gotten better but I'll still have depressive mood swings, which inevitably ends with me being suicidal.
That and I realised the bitch was doing it all for attention. She manipulates everyone around her into giving her attention and sympathy and she's a fucking idiot. I'm an idiot for sticking by her for so long. I'm glad I finally stop responding to her every beck and call, and saw her for what she is.

My Master hates me self-harming, so he banned it. If I do it, I get too guilty about hiding shit from him. So I tell him, and he punishes me as severely as he can without me going on another depressive swing.It works out pretty well really~

Anyway, can any UKfags tell me where I can start with getting help? I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to just enjoy life and not worry about when I'm gonna want to throw myself off a bridge or anything. Or step in front of cars/trains/lorries/etc. Or worry about something I love so much turning into something threatening. Y'know?

>>123948
>Anyway, can any UKfags tell me where I can start with getting help? I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to just enjoy life and not worry about when I'm gonna want to throw myself off a bridge or anything. Or step in front of cars/trains/lorries/etc. Or worry about something I love so much turning into something threatening. Y'know?


If you're at university they normally have councelling sections. I'm going to speak to my GP next week, or something. The problem is, they kinda say we will help you in 3-4 weeks. And depending on how bad you are, that might be too much. But yeah, talk to your gp, if you've at uni you could probably get some therapy and that.

>>123948

exercise control on something which is 100% within your control - improve your body.

it will give you something to aim for, something to live for, and can be a lifelong thing.

this will help your confidence, put a smile on your face, and give you a reason to exist, me old china.

come pay us a visit on /fit/ when you're ready.

>>123990

>2011
>University Counseling

Please. It needs to come from within. "Therapy" is a bullshit American import.

You just need a "life goes on" mentality, and strength of mind. People who slip in and out of depression tend to lack in both areas.

>>123990

I never thought to check with my university. I'll do that :3
And I'm gonna speak to my GP anyway, a follow up appointment for an IUD. So. I'll speak to her about it then.

>>124000
I'm actually going to do that anyway! I used to be quite thin- or a healthy weight for my size at least, mostly because my family ate a good diet and I often got stressed over my friend, which in turn fucked up how ill or well I felt. I was ill so often my last year of college, because I was permanently stressed. Then I got away, went to uni, and put on a shitload of weight in the first year. Gonna work it off, weekly weigh ins and give myself rewards for weight lost. Like piercings, a new fish tank, stuff like that, not food.

Thanks for your advice, I'll probably end up in /fit/ soon

I've never properly been depressed, that terrible stage during teenaged years and I get stages where i think "Oh God i'm going to get old and die" but nothing too serious. I think what keeps me going is thinking to myself "I can't just end it all now, I haven't been to Disneyworld yet, I have been here, I haven't been there, I haven't had a boy dance with me under the eiffel tower, I haven't gone out one day and spent all my money on ridiculous things, I haven't gotten an amazing massage and facial, I haven't gotten married, I haven't etc etc etc" And looking forward to doing all those things makes me giddy and happy.

I'm one of the most terrible people you'll ever meet until you ask me about me dreams.

>>120461
I love Hesse and you, anon.

>>124077
just giving him some options, mate.

>>124077

Dude, I spent a good 4/5 years before this struggling with depression in pretty much silence, didn't let anyone know because I thought I could handle it on my own. Even my parents don't know, because I do a good job of pretending I'm happy. Which is great and usually at least somewhat works until you're alone with no one to talk to, no one to take your mind off it. And I tried to do it myself, honestly. But there's only so many hours I can cut into sleep by reading, only so many books I own, only so many things I can do before I cried myself to sleep.

I don't do it as often anymore, I'm getting better, and it's usually tied to my hormones. I was on the pill for a short time and the levels of progesterone in my body must be outta whack, because I spent the whole time depression swing free. The one time I forgot my pill for longer than a day (it was about a week or so- I forgot it the first three days and didn't want to start in the middle of a row), my mood dropped, I was back to suicidal, overemotional and felt sick a lot.

My IUD helps- but the biggest help in my life is someone to talk to. I hate unloading my feelings on Master, because I feel guilty. But I feel better when I do it. And then guiltier because he has to put up with a suicidal girlfriend.

So. I'm working on it. I want to have a positive attitude to life, and I'll try to keep it up.

>>124077
Sometimes people need help to get into that frame of mind. An encouraging pat on the back and someone to bitch to who can't judge them.

I'm a psych student atm and observing all this is incredibly interesting (Though not my field, so i won't even try to give any advice) but alot of people who say that therapy is bullshit have never been to therapy. Human are naturally social creatures, and NEED that connection and third person perspective to thrive. While surviving without help is macho and cool, sometimes it feels great to just spill everything and have someone talk you through it.

i tried to kill myself when i was 8 by taking the first medicine i found (hey i was 8 i thought taking pills at random would work) , i was a sad kid

Any Exit-Bag storys?

This probably doesn't count as a failed attempt but anyway:

>6 years of clinical depression
>haven't met anyone in months
>get drunk on a daily basis
>finally decide to end it all
>get a rope an prepare to hang myself
>stand on a stool for like 30 minutes thinking about my pathetic life
>finally decide to get down

I still have that rope in case I stop being such a huge pussy.

>>124432
http://suicideproject.org/2011/01/the-exit-bag/

Got this when googling

the rope came loose

>>124432

Trying it next year. I got it all planned out, I feel like Light.

>>125034
Any reason why you decided to try it next year?

I almost hung myself last week

>>125034
yeah think about buying all the stuff too, Im not really that depressed right now but just to know that I could leave whenever I want makes me feel safer

>>125065

I promised myself that if I didn't get my life on track by the time I was 20 I would just end it all, so I have until June. I'm buying everything I need in December. Its do or die for me.

>>125135
You're buying the stuff quite early, don't predict that you don't stand a chance before the big day. You might even start working towards it.

>>124932

Reading exit bag stories is making me contemplate it.

Sometimes, curiosity makes the cat feel suicidal.

>>125216
yeah, one thing that kinda freaks me out about it is that if you're found at the 10-15 minutes you're a vegetable.

>>125148

I've been working towards it for years. I'm staying positive though, trying to accomplish little goals one at a time.

>>125280
ah good to hear

>taking anti-depressants for about 2 months
>family party
>few beers, got little drunk
>see my cousin with his girlfriend and started wondering why im friendless virgin, a failure who cant even have a girlfriend
>got into really bad mood
>later at night got this weird panic attack or something
>heart started beating really fast
>started crying like little child
>went to the kitchen and took knife
>cut myself few times
>oh god im going to die
>finally calmed down
>fall asleep
>wake up in morning
>not too much blood, that knife wasnt really sharp
>my mom asked me what happened, told her it was cat

wow, lots of suicidal people here

>>119623
Would be nice if we could die at the same time that our loved ones do.

>21st birthday
>tell mom I'm going to spend the night with friends (I have none) so I won't be home until tomorrow
>buy a bottle of vodka
>drive to a field in the middle of nowhere
>hook up a hose from the exhaust to the window
>start drinking while I wait to fall asleep
>black out
>wake up around noon the next day with the worst headache of my life laying on the ground beside my car covered in vomit
>engine is off, keys are sitting in the drivers seat
>drive home, walk in looking and smelling like shit
>mom: "you must have had quite the night!"

Two years later...

>driving home
>waiting at a red light
>see a happy couple walking hand in hand down the sidewalk
>feel a crushing sadness wash over me
>briefly consider ramming them with my car
>continue home instead
>get out the power tools
>go in the bathroom and lock the door
>start drilling a hole in my head
>blood sprays all over the walls, ceiling, mirror, etc.
>head a loud "pop" and a gurgling sound
>sit on the edge of the tub and have a smoke
>pass out
>wake up in the hospital
>get commited to a nut house for 3 weeks

Last one wasn't a suicide attempt although that's what the doctors thought.

>>129121
>start drilling a hole in my head

holy shit

How do you feel currently?

>>121418

Well, there aren't going to be many successful bridge jumping stories...

>>129243
I don't know, fine I guess. Other than having a hole in my head.

I'm not depressed or anything like that anymore if that's what you're asking.

>>129338
>>121418
It takes the common sense of a rocket scientist to not be able to figure that one out...

>Start at 16
>Father abusive
>Family is in a blender right now
>Failed relationships (They cheat/leave me for that one nigger everyone wants for some reason)
>Depression builds
>Finally say 'fuck it' and try ending it
>Try hanging a few times, never works due to shit falling or not enough rope/rope not tough enough, whatever
>Get to 18
>Father, grandfather takes me to range to shoot guns
>Overly tempted to just off myself there, so easy
>Don't, no idea why, never go to range again
>Dreams of suicide
>Get to 20
>Get meds to do shit so I'd stop being so suicidal
>Get to 23
>Constant battle between depression and happiness

Yeah, life fucking sucks and I still don't know why I put up with it. I keep fooling myself tomorrow will be better.

>freshman year of college
>incredibly unhappy with major
>also unhappy with choice of college
>dumped only to find out he'd been cheating on me for a while anyway
>general depression reveals itself after the monotony of high school is no longer there to veil the monotony of my life
>eat handful of ibuprofen

It's, like, impossible to OD on that shit haha.

While I have no impetus to end myself right now, I've been coasting on this depression for a few years now and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I've been on meds (wellbutrin/lexapro) but I didn't feel any different after about a year with them.

I'm really lucky to have the life I do, so I try and get by. I feel nothing most of the time, shit sucks.

>>120191
I agree that people who are depressed shouldnt kill themselves, and I agree that they should try to find something theyre good at, no matter what it is, whether they can make money off it or not, but your comment was just unnecessary. It seemed like you were trying to insult people rather than help them. And about the people in third world countries living in shacks and whatnot, I DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM I LIVE IN AMERICA, IF THEY WANT TO BE HAPPY DESPITE THEIR SHITTY LIVES THATS FINE, ITS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME ANY HAPPIER KNOWING THAT I HAVE FREEDOM. GREAT, FREEDOM, I CAN GO HANG OUT WITH ALL THE FRIENDS I DONT HAVE AND ALL THOSE GIRLS THAT THINK IM UGLY. MAYBE WE'LL HANG OUT AT MY MOMS HOUSE AND TALK ABOUT ALL THE STUFF THAT DIDNT HAPPEN TO ME THIS WEEK. BUT ILL NEED SOME NICE CLOTHES THAT DONT SMELL LIKE THEYVE NEVER BEEN WASHED EVEN THOUGH I JUST WASHED THEM BECAUSE THE HOT WATER IN THE WASHING MACHINE DOESNT WORK AND NOBODY HAS THE MONEY OR SKILLS TO FIX IT. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

holy fucking shit, this board is the epitome of depression

fucking fix yourselves, you insane fucks.

>>129506
but its fun this way!

>>129506
I'm >>129121

If I had it to do over again I wouldn't change anything. The perspective this bullshit gave me has without a doubt made me a better, stronger person.

>Have you ever tried to commit suicide?
Yes, I have. Back in January.
>How?
I decided to chug a bunch of pills.
>What drove you to it?
Well, considering I've been depressed for as long as I can honestly remember it was just a matter of time.
>Why didn't you succeed?
I didn't take enough pills. After I chugged them I started passing out. I then decided to grab a knife and go emocutterfag on my arm. The next couple of days I was coughing up blood. Meh.

This is pretty much a good description of how I feel right now.

I attempted suicide about 2 weeks ago by overdosing. I got pretty close to success but, my roommate came home early and came in my room with the intent use my makeup and totally ruined everything. I'm not really sure what drove me to this....no specific event. I think I just gave up on all this recovery shit and hate myself so much. Am now plotting out my success. This was my second attempt...my first one was when I was 16 and thought cutting yourself was a pretty sure way to die. I cut deep enough for stitches, but not enough to die.

Although, I have been working on a "slow suicide" for several years now. I'm pretty sure complications from my eating disorder will kill me instead of an actual suicide.

>be 12
>drink things under sink
>get sick
>Don't die

>Be 12
>jump off bridge
>Can't swim
>In rapids
>Don't die

>Be 12
>Run into traffic
>5 different times
>Always hit by something
>Nothing more than broken bones

>Be 12
>Jump off roof
>Just really fucking hurts
>Be an idiot
>don't die.

That was a really shitty year (or, culmination of years, rather). Really didn't know how to kill myself, was a massive idiot about it, and nothing worked. Had this weird idea that I couldn't die for a while, until I grew up and realized I was just being stupid about it.

Recent events have caused me to reconsider a nice long, red, bath. We'll see how things go.

My father has always been pretty violent. When I was 19, he told me to kill myself, and so I did. I took all the sleeping pills I had, and he punched me until I vomited them. After that, I passed out and woke up in the hospital. My father was basically forced by a psychiatrist to stop that shit and to get me an appartement somewhere so I could recover away from him.
It's not something I would ever do again. I would have died rather than staying in the same house as my dad, and my health is naturally very bad, so I can't get enough money to move out on my own while I'm still studying. I'm alive because he let me move out.

>>130261
Holy shit you're an immortal

>>130974
I appreciate the sarcasm.

>>129506
Wanting to kill youself doesn't mean you're mentally ill.

Now, responding to OP:
>Bought rope
>Try to find really tall tree near the cementary
>Couldn't find the tree
>Seat on the sidewalk for a couple of hours feeling sorry for myself

Don't use a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

>>131084
Not all problems are temporary.

>My parents were incredibly abusive through most of my adolescent/teenage years.
>Because I was a fucking pussy and scared to die.

>>131084
What if it's a permanent problem, like going blind or someone dying?

>>131084
Sometimes the problem isn't temporary.
Or it's just not worth it to endure the problem, when you don't actually have to.

And even then, being dead renders all reasons you had /not/ to kill yourself, irrelevant.

Everything just, ends.

>>131132
>>131105
>>131122
Killing yourself because you have some sort of problem is like throwing your computer out the window when it gets a virus. You don't actually solve anything, and you're getting yourself into a state that you can't recover from. Humans are flexible enough to change their outlook, and I suspect the level of pain that someone has to go to before suicide becomes justifiable is exceedingly rare. I mean, there are people in 3rd world countries who've been beaten, raped, starved, and seen their loved ones die ... and they haven't chosen to commit suicide.

>>131272
>and you're getting yourself into a state that you can't recover from.
Why does it matter if you're dead


It
Doesn't

>>131272

Yea, but they're used to that.

>>131272
How is that comparable at all? You throw your computer away, you're fucked, you've lost something, and you regret it.

You die, you're gone, it's over. You can't regret it, because you're dead.

The only thing that changes any of that, is what your belief in the afterlife is, but it's still generally the same idea anyways.

You don't just lose what upset you, you lose the ability to care. Everything is rendered irrelevant, whereas if you break your computer, you're still faced with a problem.

No life = no issue.

>be 15
>drink antifreeze
>few hours later puke until I get the dry heaves
>fall asleep for 20 hours
>get discovered and taken to the ER
>doctors can't figure out what I did but they know it's an OD
>eventually I become conscious enough and, with a catheter and all sorts of tubes in me, the doctors finally get it out of me that I drank antifreeze
>get transferred to another hospital, only remember being wheeled out of the first hospital
>black out
>wake up temporarily and rip some tubes out of me
>black out again
>wake up with restraints on me
>hemodialysis
>in the ICU for 3 days
>physical recovery for 2 weeks
>get sent to a psych ward three times for a total of 45 days inpatient and then more outpatient
>slowly get back into life
>take antipsychotics and antidepressants
>graduate high school without being held back a grade because I was in all the advanced classes and then was just downgraded for senior year
>go to university, quit meds
>graduate 5-year university in 4 years by taking summer classes
>BA in both math and philosophy
>can't find job for 3 years, not in grad school, problems again, hospitalized again, start taking meds again
>not a kissless virgin
>enroll in ivy league school and take graduate courses but still no official degree program
>thinking about doing it all over again

I've also been thinking about suicide for a while now. Just for all those like me, here's some good reference on ways to go:

http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods/statistics-most-lethal-methods

My method that I've been planning is train tracks by my house used by high speed trains. If I put my head directly on the track, the train should crush it for an instant kill. I can't think of a easier, more painless way to go especially when I have no access to a shotgun or anything.

>>131414
>>131407
That's assuming that what you want right now (ie: death) is better than all possible future outcomes. When you decide to kill yourself, you're making that decision for all future instances of yourself. Like, if you know that 10 years from now, you'll be perfectly happy and content, would you still do it?

If you have no family, no friends, severe physical pain, a mountain of debt, spent your entire life with severe medical depression, and no possible way to resolve these issues then yeah I guess you can make an argument for suicide.

Shot myself in the head once.

Killing yourself is like saying eternal darkness and silence is better than anything the world has to offer. Is it really?

>>131873
10 years from now, you could be happy, but that's not what it's about.
It's generally about how you feel, at the time you want to do it, and at that point, who really cares about 10 years from now?
You're saying it's logical to choose one gamble, over another.
Though, really its not even much of a gamble to kill yourself.
You'll either maybe be happy in 10 years, despite your current reasons not to be (possibly even reasons that you know wont disappear), or you can kill yourself, and be 100% guaranteed not to have to deal with things anymore.

Basically, you're choosing between maybe being happy in 10 years, or definitely not even having to worry about that, right now. Considering there is usually some traumatic event or terrible feeling involved in making that decision, I think deciding to kill oneself is pretty reasonable.

>>131948
That's a stupid thing to say.
Being dead isn't being trapped in a box, with no mouth, floating in space, or some dumb shit like that.
It's being /dead/, done, gone, no mind left to experience your lack of life.
You say it like you will be able to care about your situation once it's happened, but you wont. It wont be possible.

>>132037
When you kill yourself, you're making the gamble that things WON'T turn out better.

>traumatic event or terrible feeling
These are severe cognitive biases that don't last forever. That would be basing one's entire future happiness on a current feeling. I'm sorry, but killing yourself just because you're sad or stressed about something isn't right, not when there's so many other choices at hand.

A druggie on PCP would in his state of mind decide it's perfectly reasonable to jump off a building, but that doesn't make it so.

>swallow a bottle of celexa, a few hydrocodone, lots of alcohol
>cut myself pretty badly
>really fucked up, incoherent, fading in and out of consciousness
>friend I was staying with comes home from work early

Then I got a nice week stay in a psych ward. Apparently I wouldn't have died even if he hadn't found me.

>>132300
You are making that gamble, and I don't believe that people should make the decision to kill themselves without having some reason to believe that their odds of being happy then are not high.

Also, I don't think people should kill themselves because they had a bad day at work, or something lame like that. They should kill themselves when their life is the problem, not some situation, or feeling, alone. If you don't think your problem can be fixed, or you don't think that what it takes to fix it is worth the pain etc. that you would have to endure, then by all means, I think suicide is justified.

>>131948
it's better than being tortured

LISTEN. the only DRUGS that can kill you are combinations of downers. These will kill you by supressing your breathing rate until it just plan stops.

easiest way is Alcohol+Benzodiazepines+Opiates. This is how 99% of celebrities OD.

First you'll have to purchase your Opiates. Morphine, Oxycontine, Heroin, Hydromorphone are best. Learn to inject & have an multiple OD doses already prepared into 2 or 3 needles. You're best bet is by getting Decently drunk first. The type of drunk where you don't WANT to do another shot, because you have to start walking home. Once you're this drunk if when you swallow your OD quantity of Benzodiazepine pills. If swallowing pills while this drunk makes you nauseus, just place a bunch under your tongue & let it melt. as soon as that's swallowed, inject your pre-prepared dose. if you're still capable to move, try for the other injections (they are back-up doses incase you miss a vein or something)

you should NOT be waking up ever again.