I hear if you put "kinky" on your okcupid people come flocking.
Also, there's collarme.
If I wasn't so beta I'd try them myself because I'd just love to tie up and possibly be tied up by a girl

>>1066014
>Also, most submissive men I've met are very passive aggressive, I can't help but think are they all like that?
My experience is pretty much the same, discounting a few gay ones.

>>1066014
>That feel when I'm too beta to even be passive aggressive.

>>1066188
collarme is horrible, it was ok when it was new but as with all kinky sites it got shittied very fast

>>1066238
yeah, i feel sorry for you, man

>>1066014
1. where you at girl
2. post pics so we can see what we are dealing with

Maybe it's just an odd coincidence? I'm sub male and not passive aggressive at all. I'm hardly ever angry even.

>>1066264
Thanks anon. I know it can't be helped but I feel a little beter now.

A dominant masochist? As in a person that gets off on being hurt while they do all the work in the bedroom?

That's sadistic and selfish all at the same time.

>>1066272
pics are irrelevant because i'm on the other side of the pond (that is if i'm correct and currently it's america time on 4chan)

>>1066283
You know to put it simply passive aggressive people don't get obviously angry all that often, they just manipulate you and explode when they don't get what they want one time too many. I'm not saying that you are like this I'm saying that I tend to meet a lot of this type.

>dominant
>masochist

what

> that feel when all of the fetlife users in my area are 40 year-old creeps.

>>1066355
I'm a submissive masochist (or rather that's the closest label i can come up with) so you are partially right.

>As in a person that gets off on being hurt while they do all the work in the bedroom?

As a person that gets off on being hurt while _I_ do most of the work in the bedroom. I mean for him to do all the work he would have to hurt himself. I like to be the active one in bed and for my partner to be passive but not in a way a submissive masochist is. But also the masochistic part is more important to me than the submissive part of the dynamic

>>1066425
They do exist, they just don't exist in porn.

>>1066242
I know two people who met on there and have been together for 3 years.

My current girlfriend is very much into being dominated/hurt. This is the first experience I've had with a kinky girl and it's GREAT just going to town on her and doing whatever I want. Apparently she's had trouble in the past finding guys to treat her like that, which is very odd to me. It was a total surprise to me that she's this way, didn't find out until after we started dating. But I don't know if kinky people necessarily avoid relationships. She's pretty normal in every sense except the sexual kinks; not especially promiscuous before this or anything, has only had sex within relationships. I think it's just a matter of finding the right person and lucking out.

>>1066014
>is there anyone here who is into kinks but also is in a meaningful relationship with your partner?

>mfw people think this is a question that needs to be asked

>>1066480
I hear this a lot but the more i hung out there the more I think it's an urban myth.

It got to the point where i'm approached by men who are so desperate that they can't find women that they pretend to be into kinks. I remember this guy who was trembling when he told me that you know i'm not into pain will you consider to get out with me, anyway? Made me feel like a total monster, because he was genuinely afraid of me and of the whole thing

>>1066520
I just want to hear encouraging stories, that's all.

I am... well I'm everything I guess. Except for scat and blood I don't really know if there's anything I wouldn't at the very least fap to, if not want to try.

It gets annoying sometime. Like I'm fine with being dominant or passive in bed, but since I'm in a serious (living together) relationship with a mostly sub girl I feel like there's so much I'm missing out on.
I do think that kinks are part of a meaningful relationship though. If you're not honest about what you like then there's always going to be a distance between partners. But you're right, it shouldn't be the main thing about the relationship. It shouldn't be completely ignored either...

I wanna be dominated dammit![/spoiler[

>>1066461
But, the dominant one in the bedroom is the one doing most (all) of the work. Maybe not in a BDSM sense, I suppose.. But I wouldn't know anything about that.

I imagined a dude fucking a chick in missionary while she hits him in the face. That's probably why Im not following you, though

>a dominant masochist
really a dominant masochis? isn't that a bit odd, usually doms prefer giving the pain not receiving it(sadist)

>>1066589
>the dominant one in the bedroom is the one doing most (all) of the work.
what? no, just ask yourself this: where's the fun in that and why would you need a living breathing person for that? it takes two to dance just like with everything else.

>I imagined a dude fucking a chick in missionary while she hits him in the face.
hahaha, hey, why not? that could work very well! Especially if she is the one who tells him how exactly she wants to be fucked and he does it to the t who do you think is the dominant?

I'm a dominant sadist, but I actually look for meaningful relationships. I could say that it is pretty hard to find them, stemming from the fact that I can only count two to date. Like you stated, most male subs are passive aggressive. I don't think I've met one that isn't. On the other hand, it varies with females. I've met some that are, and some that aren't.

I got really fucking lucky. My girlfriend calls me master, I call her pet, and she only jills off when I let her. Feels good, man. She actually suggested the dom/sub thing and I haven't looked back.

>>1066683
my niggah, I'm in a similar situation. Shit is so cash it's unbelievable.

>>1066646
that's the "norm" and that's what slips in to mainstream, but humans are complex, right? so there are many combinations, there are masochists who are not into submission and there are submissive who hate pain and will not tolerate any. Masochism and submission are not necessary something that goes together, same with dominance and sadism. In fact you more often will see just submission/dominance play without any sadism/masochism involved.

>>1066664
I hear you there...

>>1066584
ever tried topping from the bottom?

>>1066662
That's what Im saying, there's no fun in that. But what are you gonna do? Just how women are (or at least all the ones Ive smashed).

>...who do you think is the dominant?
Exactly! Ive always seen the submissive one as the truly dominant one, just with a manipulative twist. The "dominant" one is just given the illusion of control.

Finally, someone agrees with me.

>>1066775
I highly recommend this.

I'm a dominant sadist, but I had a partner that was a dominant masochist. He was embarrassed that he was a masochist, so he'd put up a fight in the bedroom and always want to do most of the work when we were fucking. I came up with some creative ways to make things as good for him as possible, but bottoming is one of the easiest ones.

the first and foremost would be fat chicks. more or less in an, "I really couldn't care less how much the chick weighs as long as i find her attractive"--she could weigh 120 or 520 pounds as far as i'm concerned. generally this amounts to me more or less fantasizing about women in the 300-450 range.

also, bodily fluids--ANYTHING--whatever hole it comes out of (whether that hole should be there or not is irrelevant). as long as it came from her body a rotten sludge will turn me on like nothing else.

I'm sure the thought is nauseating for a lot of you but both combined is my ultimate fetish.

>Is there anyone here who is into kinks but also is in a meaningful relationship with your partner?
Me and my girlfriend have been together for eight years (since the beginning of college) and have an extremely loving, intimate relationship. I can count the number of serious fights we've had on one hand, and we're planning to get married next summer. As far as our friends and family are concerned, we are a perfect wholesome couple. In the bedroom however, we're into all sorts of kinky shit, mostly dom/sub stuff, with me being the sub. I haven't had my dick in her in years without being tied up first (except for the occasional tables-turned rape roleplay), and most of our sex ends with her railing me with a strap-on. We've had several mutual fuckbuddies for threesomes and the occasional foursome, mostly other guys that we do a lot of cuckold/bisexual play with (including her step-brother!).

So yeah, you can have an incredibly kinky relationship and still have it be emotionally meaningful. The key is constant and honest communication, and making sure that you can clearly separate the oftentimes extreme dynamics that go on in the bedroom from the romantic part of your relationship.

>>1066804
>but I had a partner that was a dominant masochist. He was embarrassed that he was a masochist,

Sometimes I wonder if that's the reason I can't find one, that the guy is too embarrassed to admit that sort of thing about him. Silly male preconceptions, I would love and cherish him and would never look down at him.

>>1066875
did you meet online or you just met up regularly and the kinky part just developed?

>>1066461
I just realized that i wrote the dumbest thing ever. I meant "submissive sadist" how embarrassing.

>>1066899
We met in person in college. At the time I was actually completely vanilla, sexually, and if you'd told me at the time that I'd eventually be into the kinda stuff I'm into now, I would've laughed in your face. The kinky stuff gradually developed thanks to the aforementioned honest communication... at first it was just very mild femdom stuff, and I turned out to get off to it way more than I expected.

I like to imagine that I can mentally reach out and find dreaming women, and make their brains burn with a non-specific, insatiable Iust, slight at first, then all at once elevated to a level that simply hurts, and won't go away. I like to watch my subject's (my) sleeping mind try to cope with this insistent sensation by constructing fantasies to exorcise it, at least enough to understand why it is happening, then watching her fail because a) she is asleep, and so can't really concentrate at all, or b) I won't let her go until I cum anyway, even if she manages to cum herself despite my interference. I like to imagine her suddenly waking up afterward, finally alert and free of my influence. Sometimes I want her to be shocked and disgusted. Sometimes, she begins masturbating, not distinguishing between my projected lust and her own. Sometimes, she is sleeping next to someone, who might participate in her reaction, or miss out on it, because they don't wake up. Sometimes, a final orgasm wakes her up, and she just lays there afterwords, utterly relaxed, but wary of sleeping again just yet.
These women deserve this for making me feel the same way for so Iong. However, after it's aII over, it was only a dream anyway, so it can be forgotten or remembered, as each woman chooses.

>>1066875
>mostly dom/sub stuff, with me being the sub. I haven't had my dick in her in years without being tied up first (except for the occasional tables-turned rape roleplay), and most of our sex ends with her railing me with a strap-on.

I am burning with envy

>>1066875
>including her step-brother!
Holy shit that's hot. How did that get started? Is he part of the bi play, or the cuckolding (ie which one of you does he fuck).

I bet when you guys get married it's gonna be weird to have him there.

I'm a pretty hopelessly submissive male. General stuff like anal play, pegging, femdom, trapping, etc. I imagine my chances of finding someone compatible one in a million, because I'm already terrible with women as it is.
I also think I may be bi or something...maybe even trans too...I really don't know anymore.
I really sort of just imagine having a normal relationship, just...I don't know...switched I guess? If only I was a lesbian...

>>1067272
you do sound confused, but it's pretty hard so sort these things in pretty neat boxes anyway, don't fret.

>>1067177
He and my girlfriend had fooled around before she started dating me. She was very embarrassed about it, but I thought it was hot, so we decided to set up a threesome, and that's how the whole cuckolding thing got started. Any of you who are into cuckolding know that it's pretty closely intertwined with bicuriosity, so from there it didn't take her long to talk us both into exploring our bi sides with each other. That went way better than I expected so... here we are.

And I don't think it'll be weird at the wedding at all; he's gonna be my best man. We've been seriously considering inviting him to join in on the consummation and part of the honeymoon as well :)

>>1067677
I seriously doubt there are many men like you

For the honor of Greyskull!

How many of you submissive males hate women like so many other robots?

I can imagine two scenarios actually.
Do you actually love women and this is why you want to serve them?
Do you hate women because they reject your fantasies of submission, because they seemingly only want to be dominated?

I made my ex girlfriend come to my house just the other day, we've fucked before, but she always gets emotional because she still has some feelings for me.

Before she came here I made her take pictures of herself and later on today she's sending me a video too. I trained her to respond to whore, and beg when she wants something, always saying please and thankyou.
When she walked in the door I asked her what she was here for, she responded in a joking manner 'oh just visiting'. I pushed her against the wall and put her hands against it, asked her again 'just visiting'. I then bent her over a bit more and pulled down her tights. I spanked her everytime she didn't respond correctly, and then ran my finger up her cunt.

After she answered all my questions correctly I told her to go to my room, take off her clothes and get on the bed. While she walked to my room I went to the kitchen and poured her some water.

By the time I made it to my bedroom she was in her underwear, I sat on my chair and watched her undress. when she finished she asked what next, I told her to touch herself until I was ready to fuck.

More happened after that, but I'll leave it.

wait so let me get this straight

you girls and especially you OP want a guy who is rough during sex

and op you want that but you also want someone who is rough with you in the relationship

so in other words you want someone to treat you like shit


no wonder r9k hates women, how can a guy understand this

wtf is wrong with you women

>>1072874
I get off on femininity being dominant and I also think women can be scientifically reasoned and shown to be a vestigial gender evolved to motivate stupider males to compete and fight one another for mating rights. Men thus evolved creativity and ambition, while women evolved.. nicer tits.

The two aren't related. I also jerk off to giantesses stepping on people but I don't apply this to how I live my life.

>>1072874
>How many of you submissive males hate women like so many other robots?

not a male submissive but in my experience with male subs many have a very unhealthy suppressed rage for females, be it ex-girlfriends or in general, of course those are that you find online, and most of the time have many other inferiority complexes.

>>1072896
OP here, you seem to be misunderstanding quite many things:

>you girls and especially you OP want a guy who is rough during sex.

I want to be rough with guy during sex, not the other way around, i'm a recreative sadist (which as i've explain before doesn't necessary makes me a dominant). Been like this since before puberty, so perhaps it's not entierly sex related you know.

>also want someone who is rough with you in the relationship

I don't even know how you jumped into this conclusion. Please explain?

>>1072948
darn...recreative=recreational, sorry.

>>1072896
>so in other words you want someone to treat you like shit

this also, you really don't understand how it all works, which is ok, but i think you are a tad too judgmental and are jumping into all sort of conclusions.

Furries.

So fucking sexy.

>>1072984
im not jumping to conclusions
i just miunderstood so with that my whole conclusion was wrong

does anyone think guys who are sub and into cuckolding is actually a gay guy

cause if they are not than what is gay

>>1072996
please continue, I'm not making fun of you, i'm really curious why you thought what you thought and what you understood now.

I think for many people who are not into this first reaction is think that people who are into bdsm want to be treated like shit or want to treat people like shit. It's true only for the actual mental cases, and most are not it.

I'm a male sub, and I really want to meet someone who would be interested in exploring femdom outside of the bedroom as well.
Nothing besides femdom turns me on, and I've been like this since I was very young. I don't think I am ever going to be interested in vanilla sex, but I'll probably start with that all the same.

Fingers crossed I meet someone like minded.
>>1072874
I don't hate women, but I don't participate in the misogyny threads, so I am not sure if I count.

I get off on anything BDSM related. I Dom, I sub, I love just having rough as fuck sex where we bite and choke and slap and call each other names. I've only dated one girl who gave remotely as well as she took though, and she was all kinds of fucked in the head to make it worth it. My dream is to find a woman who can switch in an instant like me.

>>1073037
>I don't hate women, but I don't participate in the misogyny threads, so I am not sure if I count.
What?
>>1072926
>not a male submissive but in my experience with male subs many have a very unhealthy suppressed rage for females, be it ex-girlfriends or in general, of course those are that you find online, and most of the time have many other inferiority complexes.
Would other male subs confirm this?

>>1073149
I think the issue is more that 4chan and the internet in general are an outlet for male submissives, who generally are out of luck in real life. Women are ALL submissive. Dominant men don't even think in terms of being dominant - they're just "men". Their interests mesh up perfectly with those of women. Submissive guys need to actually seek this shit out, leading them to places like 4chan, full of perverts and where they don't have to be ashamed.

I don't think male submission is inherently associated with.. anything, really. I know alpha guys who want to submit, beta guys who are creepy "Yeah suck that dick bitch" daddy doms, and of course effeminate beta guys who want to submit, and dominant alpha jock frat bro types. It's just random.

Like, seriously, I'm REALLY submissive to women sexually. Basically the only way I can get off is if a woman treats me like absolute shit. But I'm also a radical masculist who hates most modern women for their broken, bratty personalities. And just recently, oddly enough, I've discovered I like switching with men.

>>1073168
>Like, seriously, I'm REALLY submissive to women sexually. Basically the only way I can get off is if a woman treats me like absolute shit. But I'm also a radical masculist who hates most modern women for their broken, bratty personalities. And just recently, oddly enough, I've discovered I like switching with men.
So you're confirming what he says? That you, as a male sub, hate women?

>>1073182
Oh no I'm retarded and forgot to tie in my point. I meant to include that before I discovered that shit, I was an average pussified liberal douche who would probably support affirmative action and hiring quotas. No change. I was getting girls to sit on my face and make me kiss their feet as a kid, I was doing it as a white knight teenager, as a "conscientious liberal", and as a masculist.

And I don't hate women any more than I hate blacks raised in shitholes that promote antisocial behaviour and high crime rates.

ITT fetish = kink = lite lite BDSM

>>1073168
>Dominant men don't even think in terms of being dominant - they're just "men". Their interests mesh up perfectly with those of women. Submissive guys need to actually seek this shit out.
I think this also to be the core of the problem that leads many submissive men to have self-esteem issues. On the other hand:

>modern women for their broken, bratty personalities
I'm not like this, don't think it has to do with me being a woman, i can't stand "bratty" and "in-your-face" type of personality for very long in others either, i find it overcompensating. What I've seen, though, is that many submissive men when i talk to them, tell me that they would not submit to someone who doesn't grabs the by neck and demand things of them, of course the same men where used to buy stuff for their "dominant" women as tokens or something, even if they knew that those women were just using them as living ATM. They would say that they are tired to be treated as shit and be though as lesser human beings, yet their behavior and mindset was as conflicted as this. These men confuse me a lot, to tell the truth.

>>1073222
>I'm not like this, don't think it has to do with me being a woman, i can't stand "bratty" and "in-your-face" type of personality for very long in others either, i find it overcompensating. What I've seen, though, is that many submissive men when i talk to them, tell me that they would not submit to someone who doesn't grabs the by neck and demand things of them, of course the same men where used to buy stuff for their "dominant" women as tokens or something, even if they knew that those women were just using them as living ATM. They would say that they are tired to be treated as shit and be though as lesser human beings, yet their behavior and mindset was as conflicted as this. These men confuse me a lot, to tell the truth.
Well you certainly managed to confuse me. I have no idea what you're saying.

>>1073188
Well, nobody is a misogynist, until they become a misogynist. So irrespective of your personal history, you'd confirm that yes, you're a male straight (bi?) sub and hate women?

You just have to hope you get lucky really, or at least from my perspective. My boyfriend slowly revealed to me that he was submissive. It was odd, because he was fine with revealing he was into watersports and such, which are typically odd to many on their own, but getting his submissive side out took a bit of digging. The first time I had he handcuffed, blindfolded, ear plugged and bent over for me took quite a long time, and I knew he was nervous letting me seeing him that way. He's a pretty confident guy socially so to let his guard down like that must have taken something. I'm pretty chill with being dominant on the other hand. Being the sadist I am, one of the earlier times we had sex I scratched up his back and legs so bad his roommates fought he had gotten into a fight with a bear and I've left him with some nice bruises and love bites because I like how they almost brand him.

I guess it takes a lot more for guys to admit they're submissive instead of girls, which is a shame because I imagine many guys play along to being dominant because they don't want to not please they're partner, though they themselves are not completely satisfied. Likewise I imagine many girls are passive rather than submissive in the sense that there's a general feeling that guys must take charge in the bed.

>>1073222
I'm sure it increases the occurrence of self-esteem issues on some level, but I think it's statistically insignificant. More in line with simply having an unorthodox or socially ostracized sexual preference, than that their kink is actually influencing their psychology. I know plenty of subby guys who want to have horrible degrading things done to them, but if you slight them personally they'll act like anybody else. They have pride and dignity. So do I.

As for your second paragraph, that's a vocal minority. And frankly, you're talking to them in a sexually charged atmosphere - guys who get off on the concept of paying you or being abused by you are essentially engaging in a form of foreplay by trying to coax you to abuse them. They see you as a sex object, and are doing the equivalent of a normalfag haggling for casual sex - except more overtly, because what they are interested in is not intuitively jarring (eg. compare "let me touch your breasts" with "make me kiss your shoe").

I mean I'm getting half a stiffy thinking about you stepping on my throat right now but that's because it's hot, not because I actually want to be abused. I don't like cuckolding for example and I would react like any normalfag to being cheated on. Hell, I think cuckold fetishists would, if it was nonconsenting.

>What I've seen, though, is that many submissive men when i talk to them, tell me that they would not submit to someone who doesn't grabs the by neck and demand things of them, of course the same men where used to buy stuff for their "dominant" women as tokens or something, even if they knew that those women were just using them as living ATM. They would say that they are tired to be treated as shit and be though as lesser human beings, yet their behavior and mindset was as conflicted as this. These men confuse me a lot, to tell the truth.

I've always been somewhat paranoid about ending up in a relationship like this.
Not necessarily the whole "personal ATM" kind of abuse, but a miscommunication in the relationship that gets out of control.

>>1073293
>>1073222
Just a small addendum, I will concede that financial dom fetishists (who get off on giving women money) and cuckolding fetishes are toeing the line, but again I think this is borne less of their fetish influencing their psyche and more of the same phenomenon that fucks paedophiles over. They have an unfortunate fetish that requires something bad to happen in reality for them to be aroused. Their natural instinct is of course to suppress it for as long as possible, maybe altogether, but eventually it's going to break out, and many of them will simply come to terms with the risks and downsides of their kink. The cuckolder will have a shitty relationship with a shitty horrible woman, and often rationalize that she is innocent and not exploitative (because who wants to think their partner is?), and the paedophile will gradually seek means to gratify himself as the temptation gets stronger, and more repressed.

>>1073239
Misogyny is a bullshit term. I don't hate women. I don't hate anyone. Read Plato - everyone is a victim, there is no conscious evil, everyone is simply seeking some goal. People are the products of their environment. I am not a racist because I acknowledge blacks are a disproportionate source of crime. I am not a misogynist because I think modern gender roles are awful, and have raised a generation of brats. Pic related.

Girl I'm into is all about biting, let her start gnawing on me. My shoulders are now purple as fuck, covered in bite marks and I can't raise my shoulders.

Ow Ow Ow Ow, feels stiff as fuck, like I'm recovering from a workout. Ow Ow Ow.

>>1073239
I'm not loud, bratty, in-your-face person. I'm not shy either, more lay back i guess, i like observing people. The submissive men i've met, associate dominance with loud, bratty, in-your-face and often selfish behavior, to a point where they say that one can't be dominant or in control in any other way. Generally while they say "i don't want to be treated like dirt" they seek out women who do just that. I confuse them with my behavior which is in their eyes very "vanilla".

>>1073293
>And frankly, you're talking to them in a sexually charged atmosphere - guys who get off on the concept of paying you or being abused by you are essentially engaging in a form of foreplay by trying to coax you to abuse them. They see you as a sex object, and are doing the equivalent of a normalfag haggling for casual sex - except more overtly

This is something I've always suspected, thank you for second opinion. It might sound odd, but i find it a bit disappointing, because I really don't care for kinky sex without getting to know the other person as a person and have a relationship with him, especially because of the things i want to do to him.

>>1073318
Honestly, you're making up a quite complicated story about what seems to me very simple: you hate women. You also get off to being sexually submissive to, I suppose women.

From where I'm at, all of you sexists and racists are just really, really bad at understanding categories and statistical tendencies.

>>1073318
>financial dom fetishists

no no, i'm not talking about that, many just seems to think that this is the part of the game whenever they like it or not, like some people think it's mandatory to use the "master/slave/sir/etc." terms

>>1073341
>The submissive men i've met, associate dominance with loud, bratty, in-your-face and often selfish behavior, to a point where they say that one can't be dominant or in control in any other way

That's always been an instant turn off for me, but I don't think I've ever noticed anyone else displaying a particular attraction to women who do this. Would you mind saying a bit more about this? For example, when did the submissive men you've spoken to say this? Did they say it to just you, or did you see their attraction to bratty, in-your-face women, and later found out they were subs?

>>1073341
Okay, I now understood your story. However, I still don't understand how it relates to this thread?
Excuse me being a bit slow.

The whole concept of enjoying to be submissive is so strange to me. I just don't get it. I'm not saying you people are strange or weirdos, but I don't understand you (maybe similar to how I don't understand foreign languages).

>>1073293
>I mean I'm getting half a stiffy thinking about you stepping on my throat right now but that's because it's hot, not because I actually want to be abused.

I too get slightly hot and bothered thinking about doing that, and of course it's not because i hate you or men, i get that.

I agree to that suppressed rage thing with sub men. I know a lot of kinky people and virtually all sub dudes are like that to a certain degree. I'm actually starting to believe that sexually submissive behavior in men is just an expression of an underlying, deeper issue. Kinda the way guys with a cold, unloving mother are said to start lusting after older women.

>>1073447
While I do think there's a trend, it's almost always wrong to say "all X are Y". I think there's some correlation between male submission tendencies and misogynistic tendencies, but I'd never think that all male subs hate women, or all women haters were male subs.

>>1073402
It's ok, it's a complex issue. i myself don't fully understand it, i just live being and accepting what I am I guess. People submit for different reasons, people define what submission is differently too. Personally i find it absolutely hot and fascinating/admirable when a typically masculine guy has guts to let go and trusts me enough to surrender in that way.

>[...] into kinks but [...] in a meaningful relationship with your partner?
Yes. I am both into kinky stuff and in a loving relationship.

>how did you meet?
Internet. We started communicating 7+ years ago and we've been an official couple for 6,5 years.

>most submissive men [...] passive aggressive [...] are they all like that?
I wouldn't know. I'm dominant when sexing up girls, submissive when sleeping with a man.

Kinks: Bondage, breath control (choking) and lots and lots of anal.

>>1073341
Yeah, I try to keep it in my pants until I'm in a relationship, but it's difficult sometimes. For guys with unorthodox fetishes it's a bit of a cheatcode to real life - for example I've gotten female acquaintances to let me rub and even lick their feet, and I'm a foot fetishist. I always made them aware of this, they just didn't care. They didn't see it as sexual, and of course I leapt at the opportunity. But it is kinda lecherous.

>>1073381
Eh, just different strokes, I think. I had an online domme who forbade me to fap for a month once, teasing me the entire time, and at the end of it tried to slyly imply I should buy her a gift. We were pretty close, and it was a pretty minor gift, so she probably expected I would have done it.. but the idea of being financially "used", even in that extreme situation, immediately turned me off. I safeworded and told her that's a limit.

>>1073423
ey bb you can step on my face any time you li

Fuck, lecherous, right. Sorry.

My personal idea is that for SOME male subs, it goes like this:

Starting point: Guy strongly idealizes women, and has strong tendencies towards highly polarized opinions (either ideales or loathes).

How misogyny may develop: Guy idealizes women > hopes to find one matching his ideal of being "worthy" of his praise > guy meets real women > they don't live up to his ideal > goes from idealization to the opposite, loathing
How submission may develop: Guy idealizes women > hopes to find one matching his ideal of being "worthy" of him submitting to her

Makes sense? Keep in mind, I'm talking mostly out of my ass here because I admire women and am pretty dominant in bed usually.

I have another idea that works a bit differently, but similar. But it's just stories that may or may not hold some truth to it, I don't assume I've got it all figured out and could shoehorn all of you guys into one scheme.

>>1073533
Did I idealize women when I was getting the neighbour girl to put me under her couch cushions, sit down on me, and use my face as a footstool when I was 5?

The tendency of idealization you suspect is rooted in submissive preferences must manifest REALLY early, before kids even differentiate boys and girls.

>>1073551
I'm not gonna speculate on child sexuality. I have no understanding, and no data whatsoever on that subject.

Might be this is a cop-out. But well.

Maybe I should phrase it differently.
I feel that for some misogynist male subs, it goes like this: they have a very strong understanding of how a woman should be. They wish to meet a woman like that, and worship her, and submit to her. They hate most women, who are very unlike their understanding.

And then, you could argue that this is fundamentally how most men think about the other gender, and how most subs think.

>>1073619
>Where the exposition is anti-feminist - and that is the case almost always - even men wiIl not happily or willingly agree: their sexual egoism always makes them love seeing Woman as they choose to have her, as they choose to love her.

>Only a male intellect clouded by the sexual drive could call the stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged sex the fair sex: for it is with this drive that all its beauty is bound up.

>>1073532
>ey bb you can step on my face any time you li
>Fuck, lecherous, right. Sorry.

hahahaha

>>1073551
>Did I idealize women when I was getting the neighbour girl to put me under her couch cushions, sit down on me, and use my face as a footstool when I was 5?

How did it worked for you? Was it because you thought it was fun? As a kid i thought it was the most exciting to play cops, robbers and prisoners and wrestle, but it didn't matter to me that the others where boys or girls, it was the act in itself

>>1073629
I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. I think my grasp on the english language is sufficiently firm to understand most academic literature as well as the fine arts, but these sentences seem to be nonsensical.

>>1073644
I don't know. I also used to really enjoy gym class, because the girls never brought the proper shoes for the gymnasium floor and the teacher would make them go barefoot. I don't remember getting a little boner or anything, I just liked it. Also used to make unwise bets with girls or play Truth or Dare and try to end up as their slave for a day. I'd do some things to the opposite effect (ie. me "dominant") with other boys, I think.. so the gender distinction was there for me even then.

Jesus I was a perverted kid.

This was all way before any inkling of sex. Before I even knew what a vagina was.

>>1073699
>Also used to make unwise bets with girls or play Truth or Dare and try to end up as their slave for a day

Oh god, I did this so much as a kid.
Good times man, good times.

Never did it with guys though.

>>1073712
With guys, it's always been a little different for me. The way I see femdom is like, femininity subtly but cruelly taking charge over "brute" masculinity. With guys it was always just the power rush, simple sadism or feelings of dominance. One is intellectual/emotional and the other is more animal.

>>1073754
Well, being more on the dominant side myself I can tell you it's pretty fucking hot to go all animal on a girl.

Either way you shouldn't try to intellectualize your fetish or do that nasty "my fetish is better than your fetish" thingy.

Currently with a girl who love getting strangled, knives and guns.
Basically anything that endangers her life...

One time I held her over a balcony while we fucked.

Every girl I've ever slept with has wanted me to 'dominate' ass slapping, scratching, being more forceful and usually, though I hate it, choking. I would love to have a woman being more in control and forceful for once.

That is, until the finish. I love cumming on women pretty much anywhere except on the vagina/aka a creampie. I guess it's more of a fetish, because every time I look up porn it's always cumshot compilations. I don't think it's about wanting to be superior than a woman, but seeing a woman get on her knees and work for me to cum on her is just... Unexplainable awesome.

I'm pretty much completely vanilla. Normal sex just appeals most to me.

>mfw every girl I've ever been with expected me to dom them and I could never really enjoy it.

>>1073768
I wasn't. That shit's gay yo.

Just saying it's a different feeling of enjoyment, at least it seems that way to me intuitively. With femdom I need far more complex rituals and activities, subtle shit that implies my submission, yadda yadda. With dudes you can sorta just have angry sex with their face.

Dominating a woman, to me, is so fucking boring I just can't get it up. It's not taboo or improper, it's just so MUNDANE. Women are submissive all the goddamn time.

>>1073804
Femdom invovles all those rituals (which seem kinda stupid to me personally, but to each their own) because it's impossible for a woman to dominate a man under normal circumstances. Thus you have to create some kind of artificial universe through those rituals where it's possible. Little bit going against nature, aren't we? Not saying there's anything wrong with it though. People should do what appeals to them. But I don't get femdom at all tbh.

>>1073834
>because it's impossible for a woman to dominate a man under normal circumstances
what? why? i suppose it has to do with what you mean by "normal circumstances", but do elaborate.

I'm so not into femdom and rituals.

>>1073619
>I feel that for some misogynist male subs, it goes like this: they have a very strong understanding of how a woman should be. They wish to meet a woman like that, and worship her, and submit to her. They hate most women, who are very unlike their understanding.
Does this make sense to anybody else?

>>1073866
Let's say you're just standing around and I put a woman in front of you. What could she possibly do to dominate you? Yup, not much.

>>1073799
Tell me more bro, I might be diving into that situation too.

>>1073834
Yeah, I don't like most of the theatrics myself, but I do like being treated like a slave for extended periods, whereas with a guy, it's more physical. Oral sub, that sort of thing.

To each their own though. There are a billion different interpretations of D/s. Some dudes want to be effeminate and dominated by men, some want to be effeminate and dominated by women, some want to be masculine and dominated by women, etc. Some people like motherly dommes, some like young brats who don't care about them at all, some like to feel genuinely submissive to a partner. Personally I like extreme "unfairness", the idea of being coerced to obedience and humiliated, by someone weaker and frailer than me. So I tend to like very very cruel chicks, not the motherly type.

>>1073898
What can I tell you? It sucks. A lot.
But then again she's a girl so if I don't fulfill her stupid submissive fantasies she's just going to fuck some other dude 2 days later. Such is life.

>>1073929
Any tips on being dominating?

>>1073896
Drug you, and tie you up.
Threaten you with a gun.
There are women out there physically capable of overpowering you.

Also, not all domination has to be physical.

>>1073898
I was in a similar situation. What really helped me (as in, HELPED - I had a problem before and now I feel better) is this question: to me, is an important part of sex satisfying my partner?

If the answer is yes, meaning, if you actually give a fuck about your partners joy when fucking, then you will have to be dominant with these people. You have to. So if you're a loving, caring guy, you HAVE to fuck them as if you hate them.
They'll love it. You'll make them happy. They wish they had a guy who cares about them, but fucked them roughly. So make them happy, BE THAT GUY. If you're actually a nice guy, you will.

And if you don't, some asshole will.

>>1073888
yes

>>1073896
well, as many things as a guy in the same circumstances can. I mostly predict lots of awkward long minutes in both cases.

>>1073944
you really can't, well you can do great many things and pretend but it will be like bad porn.

>>1073944
>Any tips on being dominating?
I'm a beginner at this, but I'm making rapid progress and I think I can help you. Where are you right now?

>>1073951
>you will have to be dominant with these people.
>you HAVE to fuck them as if you hate them.

you make me sad

>>1073951
>>1073972
So in bed how forceful and dominating should I be.

>>1073944
Seems like most girls get off on you being stromger than them and overpowering them, so if you have no idea what to do dominate her physically. It's easy and works usally. Other than that tie her up, or make dress in skimpy clothes or something. It's not that hard. Too bad it's so boring.

>>1073984
Why? The outcome is two happy people.

I've heard so many submissive women describe their experience as being relaxing, enjoyable, their most sacred guilty pleasure. She gets what she gets off on (being dominated), I get what I get off on (pleasing her). Afterwards, we cuddle.

What's not to like?

>>1073996
you associate dominance with hate, that's all, i find it unnerving and sad

>>1073989
Depends. If you have the time, I'd start with being a bit rough and see how much she likes it, and keep on getting rougher, see where her enjoyment "peaks", and stay around her.
You want to add in some really romantic nights, too, and some that are really close to being TOO much (though in my experience, that point is hard to reach, unless you're fucked up), for variety.

But being dominant is, at least to me, strongly about assessing the other person's mood.
Maybe other people are more natural than me, but I usually try to keep aware of the situation, and watch for her reactions (with rare exceptions that so far have always worked well).

I'm far from good at this, but it's a nice thing, and better than what I was doing before. Women don't really like being pleased (or rather: a guy too strongly focused on pleasing them), fascinatingly enough.

>>1074007
It was a metaphor. Of course, as this thread shows, submission can be associated with hate and dominance with love.

And probably with indifference, too.

For the honor of GreyskuIl!

>>1074033
>associating dominance with hate
>submission can be associated with hate too
neither is very healthy

>>1074051
And my main point was that they're not inherently associated with either. You're too hung up on that word. It's not important.

My main point is about pleasing your lover how they want to be pleased (which is, for most women, being dominated), not how you want to please them.
I know you shouldn't compromise too much for your partner. But on the other hand, I think hat for a good portion of men, this behavior won't be too unnatural.

>>1074051
I'm sure it was a figure of speech.>>1073951

>>1074025
>>1073990
Thanks for the help.

>>1073982
We haven't done it yet but it could be any day now since she's been more in the mood recently when she is here.

>>1073990
I don't like these options too much as a beginner. Tying somebody up can look pretty stupid if you don't know what you're doing, and in my opinion, purely physical dominance is 1. uncreative, 2. too close to beating somebody up to be sexual.
I'd start with mental dominance.

Make clear that whatever happens now, happens because YOU DO IT. You're the locus of her pleasure.

>>1073896
Lets say that he is consenting and i know him and am comfortable around him and he around me. One of the mildest things I could do is to grab his wrists, push him again the whatever vertical surface (say wall) kiss him roughly and prevent him touching me, while encouraging him being passive and receptive.

Sure he will know that he is stronger and that he let me (and oh boy won't that personally make me hot and bothered) but so are the women who submit in these game, they might not be strong but they "let", that's why it's a consensual play and not a rape.

>>1074098
>Sure he will know that he is stronger and that he let me (and oh boy won't that personally make me hot and bothered) but so are the women who submit in these game, they might not be strong but they "let", that's why it's a consensual play and not a rape.
This is an important thing.

Now, I still don't get what's the joy in being submissive, but I know some people do, and I'm not looking down on that.

bump for more theories and stories

For the honor of GreyskulI!

I've been dating my current boyfriend for two years, and he fell down the rabbit hole pretty quickly, going from
>eh, I don't really fantasize that much about anything. I just like simple, loving, vanilla sex
to
>Well, I mean, a finger or two can be nice during a BJ, and I suppose doggy style was fun.
And then it was
>Maybe you could try playing with my nipples and sitting on my face? And I suppose I do really enjoy spanking you and calling you names...
After that, there was the drunken confession
>I really just want you to bend me over and fuck me, is that okay?
Of course, that didn't sate him for long, because eventually
>Can I fuck you up against the window? How about out in the woods? Let's go do it in a parking lot. Can I wear some of your underwear next time you peg me?
and it's just escalated from there. You tell a boy you're into kink, and the next thing you know you're flogging and pegging him in a parking lot while he's in your panties and nipple clamps. There's one for the mall cops.
Not to say that's all we do. There's plenty of nights where we're tired, rushed, etc. and just nab ourselves a few quick orgasms doin it missionary for an hour or so, and then go to sleep.

While our relationship is a serious one now, we didn't meet with those expectations. Drunken one night stand, and then there was a couple months of "I'm not sure if we're just fucking or what" and eventually we just shrugged and became exclusive. That's when the kink started, really. I wasn't comfortable being openly kinky with a fling. Our next thing is bringing more people in to play. It's something we're both interested in, so we'll see how that goes.

>>1080713
good story! and I don't mean it sarcastically.

>>1080713
Animals!
(not an insult, a suggestion)

Fetlife.com

It's how I found my current Dom. We've been dating for 2 years now.

I like (the idea of) feminizing little twink boys and turning them into traps. Seems like there are more guys wanting to be traps than wanting to actually be the dom, but I still haven't hooked up with one irl.

>>1080713

Is that you Ella?

>>1082448
fetlife is a bit better than collarme, but only if you live in an area where things are happening.

>tfw when the nice dom girl you've been messaging on collarme cuts contact when you send a photo

foreverundominated

OP here, actually I think I enjoyed this thread a lot and i wouldn't mind to keep contact with you guys. I never get to talk about these things unless it's sexually charged conversation. I'm leaving an email here (obviously it's not my regular email), if you want just leave a message with it, just put the number you were in the subject so i know who you are.

>>1073984

D/s isn't about hate. Quite the opposite, in fact, a Dom has to really, really love their sub, otherwise...well, bad things happen. The sub gives up a lot of control, and they have to trust the dom to do that. You don't get trust from hatred.

>>1083198
oh and obviously we can talk about other things too (if this was not obvious already)

>>1083184

>That feel when you find out the reason you've never been able to get off is because you feel like a girl, and that's cockblocking you.

Pretty much every dom I've contacted either wanted to do sissy stuff or said they're not into sissy stuff and shut me down.

I'm friendly, almost beta in my normal life.
In the bedroom, I am sadistic, dominant and enjoy being a cruel mistress. I get a little carried away sometimes.
I never imagined I would be into BDSM, but my BF is a total sub in the bedroom, and introduced me to this life years ago.
My personal kinks - I like to be punched. I enjoy vampire gloves (rec & using), I enjoy electrical play a lot. I looove femdom and topping a beta/sissy guy

>>1083216
i'm confused, please elaborate.

>>1083216
I think your expectations are in conflict with basic logic principles.

>>1083227

I'm sure I'm going to make a mistake explaining this, but here goes; I've felt no sexual desires for 20 years. Didn't even masturbate...much. Never looked into porn, didn't pick up chicks, nothing.

On an unrelated note, I started questioning my gender. As part of my experimentation, I presented myself as a girl online. Well, shit, son, the floodgates opened: Girl me is a HUGE flirt, and suddenly, I've started doing...kinky RPs from time to time. I wanted a meaningful relationship, so I started asking around, saying "Hey, um, sexually I'm repressed unless I'm considered a girl" which is obviously a huge problem, anatomy-wise...I don't know what I'm thinking there. But most of the female doms I talk to (Male doms won't touch me, say "I'm not gay, bro), either want to do sissy stuff with me, which I don't like, or say they don't do sissy stuff, which I don't want anyway, bit they won't listen.

>>1083269
Just throwing it out there, but why not look for a Trans-friendly Dom. Talk to them, explain the situation. :) Dosen't seem hard to work around your needs, from a top's POV.

>>1083269
>I'm sure I'm going to make a mistake explaining this

I asked because i wanted you to clarify, not to ridicule. I just didn't understand what you were saying particular about people who are either into sissification or not but both groups rejecting you.

>I don't know what I'm thinking there.
Sometimes it's hard to come up with label, hell I'm questioning myself since i remember myself and i still don't' have a neat label for all of it.

>either want to do sissy stuff with me, which I don't like

so umm.. how do you think it would work for you? what your ideal partner would be like? What you do when you present yourself as a girl?

>>1083301

>What do you do when you present yourself as a girl
Nothing, that's just the thing. It's just me, as a girl. I don't even really change my speaking habits; in fact, I talk and act more naturally as a girl. All I want is to be dominated and be able to think of myself as a girl, but sex for a male is obviously...penis centered.

>>1083326
So you say, I'm a girl and proceed talking normally. So basically you feel more comfortable when you think of yourself as a girl and people thinking of you as such helps. Interesting, of course online things are pretty neutral, I often get confused for a guy, but i have neutral reaction to it. Outside of net. which is very anonymous, how you think it would work? I think I'm a bit conflicted about what would be the catalyst that would make you still think of yourself as a girl, if that makes sense and is not too uncomfortable to answer

>>1083326
Wait, are you saying you want to be trap in house and being dominated by some guy?

>>1083731
don't think that's what he is talking about

>>1083269
That's interesting.

I've never had a problem getting off as a femdom fetishist male, but an ex got me into trapping, and HOLY SHIT DO I LOVE DOMMING, but only as a female. Well, with a dick.

Hey, I'm here.

Why is it so hard to find a monogamous relationship with a female sadist? I want to have a relationship in bed where we are both struggling for control and I always lose. I want her to tie me up and torture me sexually and non-sexually and threatening to kill me if I don't break. Of course I wouldn't. However, I want us to have a fairly normal relationship out of the bedroom. You know, the kind of stuff that makes people jealous. Going out to museums, watching TV together, seeing movies and shows. We'd show those fucks.

Why are most women just dominant for money or go belly up the moment a guy tells them to?

Pic related. Perfect girl for me.

>>1087989
you know something, there were couple times that i came across a guy would say what you say.

There are many women on kinky sites that are there to exploit, they aren't really into kinks, they are gold diggers.

On the other hand every single time I tried to treat these men as equal, not be passive aggressive, you know being decent person, trying to establish trust and balance, they all felt that i'm not "domineering" enough for them because i would not outright tell them what to do (whenever i'm dominant would take some times to explain, as i'm mainly a sadist), so i don't know, that's basically my experience with this issue (not saying that you are like this though, as i don't know you) What behavior do you define as "belly up"?

>>1087989
oh and i don't know who she is, but she looks angry

>>1088079
Here's the thing. I'm a very aggressive person. I like arguing and I like vying for the right to rule decisions. I can't stand a girl who constantly backs down and state's she's fine with whatever I want every single time we have to decide where to go. With my last girlfriend, I had already decided where we were going hours before I even asked her. I would only ask her to be nice. It bothers me and feels hollow because I'm not seeing what they want. If I'm in bed with someone, I want them to be just as aggressive or more so. The moment I try and take the lead, I want to be pushed back and kept on the bottom. I don't want her taunting and her domineering to suddenly change because I reacted instinctively to get on top. I don't want her to go from humiliating me to me humiliating her right back. If it happens too much, I grow bored because now I know there's no fight. If I want to win, I'll win and I hate that. I guess that's what I mean to go "belly up". I never want to know when I'll win. I never wanna be so confident that all I have to do is push her down and she'll spread her legs. It's boring and I hate it.

>>1088089
She's angry because she just saw her boyfriend almost kiss another girl. She wasn't all that angry because she knew it was all a plot to try and get her and her boyfriend to split up so she'd lose the Student Council elections. She's smart, focused, confident and takes no shit. She knows when to be cute and lovely, but otherwise she's down to business.

>>1087989
Because a monogamous relationship is something that would make you happy, and female sadists are sadists.

>>1088233
Doesn't mean a sadist can't be in love with someone.

>>1088180
hmm.. i see your point. Did you ever tried to tell that to the gf, or telling sort of spoils the fun for you? I'm thinking that if the person doesn't know you well and becomes rough with you, when you react back aggressively her instinct is probably that you are not comfortable with what she does, so she backs off. Same with arguing. I have a friend, we argue with him to a point where people think that we won't talk to each other ever again, but we just discuss things loudly, it works for us. I would never do that with any other of my friends because i know that they would misunderstand and think that i'm actually upset with them. So, my point i guess is, do you communicate and how well you know each other at that point?

>>1088233
you are illiterate in ways of bdsm and you clearly haven't read the whole thread.

>being the guy on his knees in this situation
>this is my fetish.png

>>1088289
She was just too meek. I told it a whole bunch of times. I'm not one to hide feelings such as these. Sure, I might hide some other feelings, but not something like this. I had one friend/co-worker in which we used to debate a lot and it would sound like full-blown arguments in which it would sound like we were fighting. You could easily hear us 3-4 rooms away. I like girls like that. Who won't back down. They know I don't want them to back down, but that still doesn't stop them from doing it. That's just their personality.