Anchor: we go now to our newest anchor Charlie "Buttplug" Sheen.
Charlie: The Fuck!?
Anchor: It was in the fine print
Charlie: O alright *Facepalm* we're here in my home province of /tv where things seem to be overrun by Abatap and Startrek. We were unable to get any official response from the Israeli PWN ministry (formerly the Israeli Defense Ministry) but we did get this one Jew's opinion.
Adam Sandler: *drunk* This shit's like fucked up man I mean cats are just jumping every-OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS A HUGE SPACESHIP COMING OUR WA-*Charlie Slaps him*
Charlie: Back to you.

MOAR!

>>1427674
Anchor: We now go to a press conference with Gabi Ashkenazi.
Gabi: next question
Reporter: What do you think about rumors that your people are responsible for Abatap and Startrek Spam?
Gabi: We did no such thing. Why in Summer Fucking Glau would we do some gay ass shit like that?
Reporter: What would you like to say about recent millitary setbacks in /new province. (Gunshot, reporter falls, Natalie Portman walks to the podium, smoking Deagle in hand)
Natalie: Let me answer that question. Israel does not fucking back down you hear me? We are fucking epic and anyone who thinks otherwise will be raped or shot. That being said, I am tired of /newfaggotry. They have three options; Surrender and be spared; cooperate and be rewarded; but fuck with us, (looks into camera) AND WE WLL FUCKING END YOU!!!1111

>>1427753
Natalie: (panting) ahem, next question?
Reporter (to Gabi): The fuck was that bro?
Gabi: She's just a little butthurt, trying to adjust from libral hollywood you know? They give us good money but sometimes faggots just don't understand.

>>1427774
Reporter: What about rumors you would invade NYC if that Mosque is built on ground zero?
Gabi: I'm worried that Obama and other libfags will just stand by and watch. Hopefully the CIA will act before we have to.
Reporter: I just learned from a contact that you plan to decare anonymous a terrorist group. Is that true?
Gabi: Yes, anon is evil and it must be KILLED WITH FIRE.
Reporter: What about magnets?
Gabi: Implying there are any Juggalos in anon lol. We don't need magnets only napalm and of course you can never have enough rape.

bump

epin

>>1427838
Gabi: and speaking of Abatap for a second, let me come right out and say that there are furries in the PLO. No srsly look that shit up on JT err.. I mean YT. Also, Mahmoud Abbas raped and killed a girl in 1990.

>>1427996
Natalie: He did I saw the whole thing. He has a sex tape too believe it or not.
Reporter: does Bin Laden have a sex tape?
Natalie: I'd have to check back with you on that.

>>1427638
ｒＥmoeＶ Ｙuoｒ_ＩｌＬｇＥａl_ｃlＯｅN FO_HｔtP://ＴiNＹurｌ.cOｍ/3ytｃ6yＸ ＩmＭeIdatELY. s hx i lws t t k ixzaaekj hijvjnfwc bp

>>1428022

>>1428011
Anchor: And now to the developing story on Charlie Sheen's rape. There is word the UN is investigating the 6 female israeli soldiers who allegedly raped Charlie Sheen around a week ago, leaving him at the brink of death. One of the accused has this to say.
Sara: Fuck the UN its been hijacked by Anti-Semite dammit its nothing but Anti-Semetiic holocaust deniers. Its Racism Fucking Racism!!111

>>1428044

>>1428044
LESS!

bump

>>1427838
>you can never have enough rape

Especially when it's at the hands and strapons of the IDF supermodels brigade.

WTF is Abatap???

And wouldn't Startrek be /tv/ related? Even if the cast is full of Jews?

>>1428057
Anchor: another suspect had this to say.
Hanah:YouknowwhatthiswasallconsensualCharlie'sjustsayinitsnotbecausehe'sanantisemitelikemelgibsonand
nowheneedstogotorehaborelsemydadwillsuebecausethisisjustanothercaseof"blamethejewforeveryfuckin
gthing"itsnotfairBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!11

>>1428129
Go to /tv and look for your self. also, all 4chan news is related

>>1428132
butthurt JIDF?

Natalie Hershlag what's your take on this breaking news!?
>Around 100,000 angry ultra-Orthodox Jews rallied in Jerusalem on Thursday when the 35 fathers turned themselves in at police headquarters, from where they were taken to prison to serve a two-week sentence for contempt of court.

>>1428160
not Hershlag here but I will say that the Zionists and Talmudics spar on occasion for the lulz

>>1428140

Can't answer a stupid question? Why should I waste my time in that cesspool?

>>1428176
I dont know man those orthodox jews live in the most insane way possible like it makes no fucking sense even like conservative hxc muslim laws make more sense than these people.

>>1428221

yeah, the ultra-religious fundie Jews are insane. At least they're not blowing anyone up. Yet.

this is epin (epic win) OP

>>1428236
They control shit from behind the scenes. Also, their in ur home, fucking ur kidz. no srsly look up the Talmud.

>>1428275

The ultra-orthodox in Israel control nothing besides the religious ministries. They don't work, so how could they control anything else?

>>1428136
Anchor:And now for a commercial break
Sarah Silverman: Here at the Sarah Silverman show we've got all the great stuff like gay marraige, bestiality and saccrilege. Miss an Episode. Don't worry about it. Introducing Jewlu, the one and only place to catch up on Jewish shows you missed. And while your doing that, we're just gonna brainwash you never to question our will again YIPPEEE. Because we're Jews, and there aint shit you can do.
Announcer: Jewlu, an evil plot to take over the world.

congrats, OP, this is far better then the last few news report threads. Keep it up.

>>1428369
OP here, my name is Ozy

>>1427641
lol cancer

>>1428337
man, she's got great boobs. And what's wrong with gay marriage and sacrilege?

>>1428489
nothing really. This is my 5th day of this shit and material is starting to run thin. Help Plox?

>>1428381
Ozy Drakes?

>>1428523
FUCK YEAH!

>>1428179
Mindfuck that's why

attention I am OP

OP is a troll

>>1428585

tits or GTFO

>>1428712
I'm a man you fag so it doesn't apply

>>1428337
Anchor: and we're back with millitary analyst Barry McCaffrey, who was out getting coffee when WNIG was sagebombed. Barry?
Barry: Things are looking up for 4chan in the wake of the /new divisions' declaration of victory although there are ground reports of another offensive most likely Israelis making up for lost ground. Things are getting heated here as Israeli reinforcements are touching down in the battlefield. stay tuned faggots.

>>1428871
thx

This thread is made of pure win

Abatap= Avatar in cyrillic letters.
Startrek "spam"?= Why you hate Starfleet? This is unterran.

>>1428927
Unterran? Don't get Startrek and Starcraft mixed u fag

The only epic thing about this is the fail...
Stop posting "Epic win OP" on your own thread..

moar
epin thread btw

>>1429034
shutup JIDF

>>1429021

You clearly don't know your Startrek, newfag. Get off the internet for a bit and go watch some episodes.

>>1429034
That wasn't me faggot go fuck yourself. I'm leaving someone continue the thread

bump for graet justice

>>1429263

Newfag, YOUR TRIP IS ON THE POST.

Sure, run away as soon as you're proven wrong. Just like an Arab at war.
I bet you'll try to claim retroactive victory next week when this thread is gone.

bump

that was funny OP

epic win

lol u all mad thats why you wont respond to this epic thread

fuck u all

yeah OP that was real good keep it up

bumping for more??? plz?

bump again

moar?