if you see a hobo masturbating, always congratulate him on the fine job he's doing, lest there be consequences

Honestly? Get on the bus. If there's only one door, wait a couple seconds to see if anyone's coming out before boarding. (On some systems, you always have to wait to see, since people exit through either door.) Pay the fare, do it as quickly as you can, but there's not need to frantically rush.

Have a seat, obey all posted signs except the ones that are obviously and incredibly stupid*, and you'll figure the rest out by the end of the ride.

Oh, and don't do anything that'll stink up the place, either with smell or with sound. Keep music (if you listen to it; I usually just take in my surroundings) down, and no matter how many idiots engage in private telephone conversations on the bus, keep them to the essential and the discreet.

*I hesitate to say this on 4chan, because I know there's going to be someone here who thinks the "it's a federal law that you have to give up these seats for disabled passengers" signs would be stupid to pay attention to. But I'm trusting you, OP.

thank the driver when you get off
get out of your seat when an elderly or disabled person boards, or a pregnant woman
etc

>>258799
>>258798
These.

And be respectful with the cord you pull to call for stops, pay attention to where the stops are so you can signal the driver before you're literally on top of the stop, and not so early that you stop the bus unnecessarily.

>>258799
I just moved to Madison, Wi from Chicago and people fucking do this. Why would anyone thank their bus driver? Bus drivers are fuckheads.

>>258802
Were you born in a barn?
They have manners.

>>258802

It's common practice to thank the drivers... It's called being polite. We do it in my city as well.

>>258811
We're polite over in Portland Oregon as well!

>>258802
Before I grew up and got a car, I used to thank the CTA bus guys every time.

>>258802
this side of the pond (the uk) its expected to thank the driver people look at you like you are some form of mouth fucking retard if you dont

>>258794
Don't blare shitty music so everyone else can hear it.

sit on the seat tha'ts not next to the window so no one can sit next to you, laugh at people who are stood up.

> hurr it's polite
Why would you be polite to some rude, classless neanderthal? Bus drivers are, by and large, pieces of total shit. I've lived in a city of 3 million+ my whole life. Maybe this is something small town people do, or people who move to big cities do, bit no normal person does this.

Berlin, Germany here.

>>258800
>>258798
These.

>>258840
An hundred times this.

Essentially, try to achieve a balance between inconveniencing others for your own gain and inconveniencing yourself for others. But that is a basic rule of moving about in society anyways.
Also no one over here, no matter the size of city, thanks the driver. People do greet the driver but it's not necessary polite to do so if you have 20 people boarding because it gets frustrating for the driver having to greet back hundreds of people on one shift. At night or on early mornings however people do it and the drivers generally appreciate it. On that topic you should obviously take the advice from or follow the example of people close to your location

Don't stare directly at other people, don't make eye contact. Either look out the window or at a fixed point within the bus. Try to perfect what is called the "subway stare". It could save your life.

A portable music device like a Walkman or an iPod is helpful for tuning out everyone else, but keep it secure so that it doesn't get stolen. At the same time, don't have your music so loud that it bleeds out of your headphones. If the driver asks you to turn down your music, do so without fuss.

In fact always heed the instructions and admonitions of the bus driver; he or she has the power to kick you off or even call the police on you. Think of the bus driver as something like the captain of a ship; your driver has the utlimate authority over that vehicle.

And don't listen to those faggots that say "don't thank the piece of shit bus driver". They're probably the kind of punks that always got yelled at and kicked off by their drivers for being fuckheads. Thank your driver for his or her hard work. They have to move a large vehicle full of live cargo safely through crowded city streets and frantic highways, so they appreciate being appreciated.

get on, wait until you're there, exit bus, it's not that hard

seriously, just behave like you would in any public place.

I always wait until the bus stops ENTIRELY before standing up to get off.

>>258957
I used to live about 500 feet from where that picture was taken. Pic related.

>sitting on bus
>raised platform in back
>old man behind and above me
>pulls my hair really hard
>look back in pain and shock
>geriatric pokerface

Don't pull other people's hair on the bus; it's mean.

A few more tips:

1. Rush to the door five stops before your stop and squarely stand there no matter what because you'll miss your stop if you don't.

2. Never, ever, ever take off your backpack no matter how crowded it is, unless you're seated, in which case you may take it off and put it on an adjoining seat (provided you never, ever move it until someone specifically threatens your life over it).

3. Dive for an open seat no matter how many old or infirm people are standing or how short the trip.

4. Talk to yourself, the more unintelligible the better.

5. Late at night it's ok to smoke and drink alcohol in the back.

6. Get a permanent marker and tag everything.

7. Haggle with the driver over fares and transfers; they expect it.

8. The driver is a squat, sweaty, insane, autistic micro-tyrant in an ill-fitting uniform doing an unskilled job. Fuck the driver, he or she is a piece of shit, every time, no exceptions.

9. Stand behind the yellow line. It's for your own safety.