hey, have you heard of deviant art? I think you'll fit right in with the other writers!

>anon expects us to read his scrap

>>784726
Ha, well I never really used that site so I didn't actually know there was a place for writing there.
Maybe I will try it out, though. For the most part I didn't like that site, though...

Not that I like 4chan...

>>784727
I don't actually expect you to, but I am asking in hopes that maybe at least one person will and give me some constructive criticism or any sort of feedback.

>>784719
I don't really give a fuck about your writing, but where'd you get the picture?
Girl seems cute.

>>784746
It's a picture I took of my girlfriend...

>>784751
Why don't you get her to read your bullshit then?

>>784754
I just wanted your opinion, man.

I thought you guys liked reading so maybe one of you would be bored enough to give it a try.

BUT FINE I WILL FIND SOME OTHER NERDY SITE DAMN IT.

>implying that I am kissing up to you?

>>784754

cos she c'est mooooooooooooooort!

It seems like generic Young Adult fiction. Think about what's going to make it stand out from the horde of contemporary YA fiction out there.

I really don't know why I'm reading this, it's really bad.

I'll have more to say when I can't take anymore

>>784769
Yeah, well like I said, things are going to get more interesting.

I do appreciate you reading and the input.
But yeah I don't plan on just having it be some highschool drama.

>>784771
I would really appreciate some reasons as to why it's so awful.

I believe you that it is because it's mostly just an experiment to get my brain working again.
I haven't written in years.

But that's kind of why I am writing it, so that I can improve.

So I would really, really appreciate some actual things it/I could improve on.

Also I know almost nothing about writing.
It's all just what I've picked up from reading other books.

I didn't read the whole thing, but it looked passable writing from what I skimmed over.

some of it needs improvement, but I'd say not bad. Keep it up- right not stands at 7/10 level

>>784754

Don't listen this kind of ass holes. Sorry but in this day /lit/ isn't the correct place to ask for opinions or "constructive" criticism.

>>784788
Thanks, is there anything you'd advise?

I am realizing right now that I have a bad habit of short sentences.

Also, another reminder that I do plan on having more of a plot but I just want to build it up first.

Aside from the Fahrenheit 451 references I thought it was awful

I think books like this do better in first person.

You might want to work on dialog, it was pretty blad. and the "new kid" thing is somewhat overdone in Young Adult stuff, but it didn't seem as bad as most. Also the part about where you kept repeating "the human male" was awkward

>>784810
Bland**

>>784804
Oh well...

Any advice though?
More Fahrenheit 451 references? Haa...