That is the worst trampstamp ever.

OF MICE AND MEN: Retard gets shot by his friend.

THE BIBLE: Wood, nails and a hammer > God.

The Picture of Dorian Gay: Guy never gets old, has gay sex instead

THE POWER AND THE GLORY: A priest and a communist - both are assholes.

CATCHER IN THE RYE: Kid you'd never listen to iRL bitches and moans for 220 pages.

UNDER THE VOLCANO: being an alcoholic is kinda bad for your social life.

ROOTS: Where niggers come from.

FINNEGANS WAKE: word jokes and bowel movements.

CATCH-22: Most fucked up dude ever turns out to be the only sane.

A FINE BALANCE: Don't get your hopes up because life sucks and it will only get worse.

HARRY POTTER- Boy goes to wizarding school, has adventures and fights evil

ANIMAL FARM: Animals trust capitalist pigs LOL

1984: Man takes on the system, system wins.

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Don't fix what is allready broken.

DAY OF THE LOCUST: Homer Simpson finally snaps and starts killing people.

1984: You say what I want you to say bitch.

FAHRENHEIT 451: Oops, maybe burning books wasn't a good idea after all.

HEART OF DARKNESS: Go to Congo, meet a crazy ivory dealer. The horror! The horror!

LOLITA: Marry a widow, rape her kid and act perverted overall. Die of a heart attack.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: Kill pawn broker, all money problems are gone.

seriously, Rodion's poverty wasn't mentioned for the rest of the novel

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST: Man is awesome overal, man got put down.

BEOWULF: Beat up kid then bitchslap his mom. Get eaten by dragon.

THE ILLYAD: lots of epic dudes kill each other over a cheating whore.

THE DEATH IN VENICE: be a pedophile and die.

HOMO FABER: rationalist fucks his own daughter - how ironic.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: Girl takes goodies to sick grandmother living in the woods, only to be eaten by a wolf when she gets there.

ROMEO AND JULIET: teenagers overreact to being separated for several hours, kill themselves.

>>707435
This seems like a great idea. I'm totally going to do this. Watch me get laid tonight while the rest of you nerds are all still sitting around talking about who sucks worse, Ayn Rand or Salinger! See ya, chumps!

THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES: everybody is a selfish asshole.

Things fall apart:
Fucking hams, how do they work?

>>707477
I lol'd

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
Go to Vegas, do drugs then do more drugs, commit capital fraud, go home. Good times. The 60's are over. Sad face.

Fountainhead. Ayn Rand takes Greenspan's bald head in her hands and thrusts it in her crotch. She holds him there and cums in his face. Hard.

A LESSON BEFORE DYING: Some nigger dies and another nigger cries.

A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch: I've been shoved in a Gulag for 10 years on erroneous charges based on paranoid assumptions, and I ain't even mad.

NEVER LET ME GO: Schoolchildren bicker over petty things for three hundred pages and then get harvested for their organs.

The Bell Jar: Girl tries to kill herself after attempting to read Finnegans Wake

>>708153
Well done.

To Kill A Mockingbird: One armed black guy gets argues over, old creepy dude tries to rape little girl.

As I Lay Dying: WACKY AND CRAZY ADVENTURES as a family buries their mother in Jefferson

The Stranger:

Dude is sentenced to death for being chill.

The Great Gatsby: Bitches and Whores

>>708178

LOL'd hard.

>>707432
This really made me laugh.

ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT: It's a war, and everyone dies. Also, boots.

THE HOBBIT: A hobbit and 80 dwarves have to go fight a dragon. Misadventures ensue.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Four hobbits and 80 other beings have to throw a ring into a volcano to save the earth.

Blood Meridian: everyone dies, and then we dance.

THE STARS MY DESTINATION: Tatooed guy learns how to teleport and time travel.

GRAVITY'S RAINBOW: You know, rockets are a lot like penises.

(not really fiction. Had to read this for a sociology class. If you've read anything by this author, you will laugh your ass off, though.)

BLACK MEN AND MASCULINITIES: Author comments on how black people are helpless and lazy because the white male supremacist racist capitalist society is keeping them down.

>>708218

"We Real Cool; black men and masculinity" by Bell Hooks

SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE: War is bad. Also, aliens. So it goes.

WAITING FOR GODOT: No carrots left? Well, nothing to be done.

BRAVE NEW WORLD: Everyone is on drugs and takes part in a huge orgy. Sexiest man goes to a private island.

THE BOOK THIEF: Grim reaper stalks little girl in WWII Germany.

The Jungle: Being a hard working immigrant sucks and being a corrupt motherfucker rocks.

LES MISERABLES: Social commentary on how unjust the French justice system is, and other heartwarming adventures.

Brave New World: Everyone is constantly dropping acid and commitmentless sex + parties every night. For some reason this is a bad thing. PARTY HARD PARTY HARD PARTY HARD

I, Robot - Some old lady explains how robots have taken over the world. Also, Will Smith?

The Caves of Steel - People from Earth don't trust people from space, and vice versa.

The Crying of Lot 49:
Postmodernism, a 400-year conspiracy, and LSD.

>>708250
nice one

Lolita: a prophetic tale of czechoslovakia
Heart of a Dog: frankenstein's monster is back, with a lawyer
The Death of Ivan Ilyich: cancer hurts. also, you're all hypocrites
Notes from the Underground: he is wicked and sick
The unbearable Lightness of Being: Milan likes whores very much. Also, he likes anal sex. But he doesn't like hypocrites! Everybody is a hypocrite aside from Milan Kundera.

CAT'S CRADLE: Mankind is douchey, kills themselves. Lol.

American Gods: Father and son, and uncle try to con gods across america... the sun is a ragging faggot.

ANY STEPHEN KING NOVEL: Good vs Bad. Good wins.

LOTR: Hurr God is good.

THE POISONWOOD BIBLE: Baptist family moves to africa to convert the heathens. Africa rapes their shit.

>>708322
Chronicles of Narnia can go this way too...

NAKED LUNCH: (see /b/)

To The Lighthouse: Would /b/ do me?

Bright Lights, Big City: You love coke, but your life's empty.

Romeo and Juliet: Gentlemen, I've been seeing this girl, she's underage b& and shit's pretty cash, thing is...

>>708325
This made me spit out the soda I was drinking in laughter, good job.

KISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN: (see >>707351
but the priest is a fag)

Brave New World: Emo faggot quotes Shakespeare for the last half of the book.

Any book of O'Henry Prize Stories: How did half of these win awards?

Jane Eyre: The book you didn't read in high school.

The New Yorker: Whose dick did this guy suck to get this horrible story published?

Flowers for Algernon: Derp. I'm smart! Derp.

archive this--and we can sell it to lazy kids as the new sparknotes.

>>707477

I just finished Things Fall Appart this morning and I have no idea what you're talking about... There's no mention of pigs or pork in the whole story...

CATCH-22: A great jokes book that is about 249 pages too long.

THE WHEEL OF TIME SERIES: An in-depth discussion on clothing, embroidery and the weather.

>>708370
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

I am the only one...?
A lot of these are pretty good.

>>708383

alternatively: a book where the author included every incarnation of his characters stories, so you read nearly the same thing eleven times.

>>708385
Second. Archive it.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 2 times now.

>>708228
that's not TL

>>708396

Although this kind of reminds me of a /v/ archive about a week ago. It hasn't made it into the viewable archives yet, though.
Basically, everyone took an annoyingly repeated phrase from a game, turned on capslock, and pasted it about 100 times.

Contact: female Carl Sagan discovers aliens

Finnegan's Wake: LOOK AT ME, I'M A CLEVER BOY, WOO WOO WOO.

>>708384

Should be on the cover sleeve of every book.

>>707330
Hamlet got revenge, he just fucked it up. Also, one could argue that a lot of characters in literature acted the way they did because they couldn't get it up.

>>708374

It's probably a typo. He probably meant 'yams'.

DUNE: People go to the desert and drop acid then turn into worms.

house of leaves: house is weird, none of it's real

Lord of the Flies: Kids do the cutest things. Also pigs.

Moby Dick: WHAELS TROLL U LOLOLOLOLOL XD

FRANKENSTEIN: IMA FUCKING WHORE WHO BELONGS IN THE KITCHEN AND I CANT WRITE FOR SHIT THIS ISBORING AND ATROCIOUS BULLCRAP PLEASE SHOOT ME

>>708515
I lol'd

archive it

The Catcher in the Rye: adolescent drops out of school, drinks, smokes, and bitches,

Alice in Wonderland: Fuck man, I really ought to get into rehab.

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman: The Game, you lost it. Also, bel-air.

WATCHMEN: Ex superheroes become old, depressed, or deranged after the death of a Comedian.

The Canterbury Tales: Make up fake stories. ??? Profit.

NAKED LUNCH: So much butt rape; drugs

archive this

The Old Man and the Sea: Old man goes out for fishing, and snags MOBY FUCKING DICK, brings whale home, but ze hungry sharks eat it first. Old man has a sad.

>Thanks for your request.
>It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
>This thread has been requested 5 times now.

CHRONICLE OF A DEATH FORETOLD: Dude fucks virgin. Gets killed by a guy with STDs.

A HERO OF OUR TIME: Gigolo hates himself.

THE GIVER: Old man touches little boy. Little boy touches baby sister.

TIME MACHINE: Dude builds time machine. Fucks up.

>ON THE ROAD: Neal Cassady was the 1950s Kamina. Also: pot.
>Kamina
>pot

Probably explains why I like this book so much.

Wind-Up Bird Chronicle: Bitches and whores, man. Bitches and whores.

Grapes of Wrath : Fucking corporate America. Fuck you. What did we do to you?

WHEN A CROCODILE EATS THE SUN: Uneducated black people shouldn't be allowed to run things.

TURN OF THE SCREW: Who fucking knows.

WAR AND PEACE: The French ruin everything.

Taming of the Shrew : Let's play dress up.

The Fountainhead - The perfect man fights mindless sheeple and rapes a bitch.

Atlas Shrugged : More like At last I'm done with it, amirite?

SWAN SONG: I totally ripped off The Stand, I hope no one notices.

The Da Vinci Code: Read Angels & Demons. Same shit, only this time Jesus had sex with someone. Not lying.

DESOLATION ANGLES: Holy shit sitting alone on a mountain all season is depressing. Time to drink myself to death and live with my mother.

MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING: Jew survives holocaust, he ain't even mad.

MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY: Witty guy tries not to be too bitter at his country turning to shit. Fuck Bush.

bump

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS: I have 2 cows. I give them ether, acid and mescaline. One cow discovers the American Dream. The other cow gets his spic ass back to LA

Archive it!

How many requests do we have?

HEART OF DARKNESS: "I'm on a boat", except T-Pain is a slave.

THE JUNGLE: Don't eat that hot dog.

Atlas Shrugged: The world collapses because an auto mechanic quit his job.

Sanctuary: Drinking leads to corncob rape.

THE LITTLE PRINCE: Underageb& annoys the whole fucking universe.

>>709131

To Kill A Mockingbird: Niggers and boogeymen are figments of your imagination.

Haynes manual for 97 Plymouth Breeze: Fuck it, go to a mechanic.

>>709144
lol t-pain

>>709153

for real? that sounds good

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1y6vdV9K11qaszsko1_500.jpg

>>707369

More like: boy becomes wizard, fights all powerful villain, defeats him because wands apparently have souls.

>>709198

Naw; HARRY POTTER: Snape kills Dumbledore

THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY: Mikey carves up some dead folk. Feels up some marble. Hates painting. Doesn't get the girl.

Franny and Zooey: The fat lady is Jesus.

FOUNDATION: Talking... then.... more talking

(still love it tho)

ENDHER's GAEM: Herp derp analogy for Hitler & promotes violence herpety derpity doo

The Awakening: Woman has everything but is unhappy anyway. She may be a lesbian, she may not be. She kills herself.

A Song of Ice and Fire: Knights that say 'Fuck.'

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - I killz robots but am I robot too?

100 Years of Solitude - DAYUM MEXICANS ARE CRAZY

House of the Spirits - see above.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: This dude's nuts. Not in a cool dangerous biker way. Him, his kid, some other guy are on motorcycles.

Crime and Punishment - Russa sucks. Kill Landlady and rob her. Russia still sucks. Have flashback of a man beating a horse to death. Russia sucks. Go to prison.

CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES - The story of every 4channer if there was no interet

Ender's Game: Adults manipulate children in order to fuck up some aliens

Wicked - Wizard of Oz, but with sex.

The Idiot - Jesus visits St. Petersburg. He's an idiot, except not. Crazy bitch messes with everybody's heads.

>>709267

HAM ON RYE: Boy grows up, becomes asshole.

"ON THE ROAD: Neal Cassady was the 1950s Kamina. Also: pot."

i'm sold. buying on the road right now

>>709281
Boy grows up with asshole dad who he hates. Boy grows up to be different type of asshole.

Ham on Rye: Writers do nothing but drink and fight.

FIGHT CLUB: Fag unable to deal with his faggotry. Gets imaginary boyfriend. "Fights" man after man at secret underground men-only club.

I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL: Drinking fratboy faggotry. Moderately funny.

>>708384
im slow to thread, reading to through it all. but fucking LOL at this one. Sweet jesus, good work anon.

>>709313
I fucking love that book. Don't think less of me anon.

Seriously though, I listened to a snippet of him (the author) reading parts from the book and good god, he sounds like such a fag. It was hilarious.

100 Years of Solitude: Cousins fuck. Hilarity ensues.

Frankenstein: Holy fuck look at that tree, let me spend 5 pages telling you how great it is.

THE IDIOT: Jesus should have never returned to Russia.

NARCISSUS AND GOLDMAN: Live in an abbey or bang chicks, learn art, and die of plague.

LORD OF THE FLIES: Everything is war and chaos, kids saved from it, but who will save the adults?

Confessions of a mask: Little japanese boy realizes he is a fag. Life History of b/tards

120 DAYS OF SODOM: French authorities rape little boys and girls. They kill time with tales of perversion.

>>707382
you are completely wrong

Crime and Punishment: Ayn Rand kills pawnbroker, and then pic related.

>>707630

>>707372

But he gets fixed in the end...

I'm so proud of this thread I'm seriously showing it to my friends. It'll reveal my dark 4chan truth... but holy shit this thread is magic.

Also, THE FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH: The Village, but with zombies. Also, whining.

>>708174
>>708178
>>707432
>>708250
>>709144
>>709333

Extremely Loud Incredibly Close: Awesome Little boy gets trolled by God.

>>709327

...Guilty agreement.

Catcher in the Rye: Growing up sucks.

THE BIBLE:

OLD TESTAMENT: Jews get picked on all day errday
NEW TESTAMENT: Jews are suddenly the bad guy, all the cool kids are Christians now

ARCHIVE!

Brave New World: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvGCWSxELSQ

The Sound and the Fury: A retard, a virgin and a cracker really need to get laid

Siddartha: Oh God I Can See FOREVER.

Crime & Punishment: Whoever kills this old pawnbroker first becomes Napolean(Straight to exile).

to kill a mockingbird: black? south us? well, sucks to be you

THE THIN RED LINE: There's a war going on. How does that make you feel?

Archive!

TWILIGHT: Miley Cyrus

Numbers: His teacher hates jews, he ends up a loser again.

The Idiot: Bitches love epileptic retards.

The Divine Comedy: Trippin' balls with Virgil; everyone Dante doesn't like is in hell.

Wind Sand & Stars: Flying is both scary and awesome
Night Flight: Flying is both scary and awesome
The Little Prince: Sometimes you fly and crash and sometimes you see a crazy kid
The Phantom Tollbooth: A boys toy car leads to the land of horrible puns
The Chronicles of Narnia: A good childrens fantasy that's a bit heavy handed with Christianity
His Dark Materials: A cool childrens fantasy that kills the entire story and "God" with the power of Atheism.

The Aeneid: VIRGIL WAS HERE GREEKS WERE PUSSY FAGGOTS

The Republic: Thrasymachus is always wrong and can choke on Socrates' enormous balls.

Dream of the Red Chamber: Immortal jade stone trolls nobles by being in the mouth of a newborn who will grow up to be the gayest man in the world; somehow he gets tons of wincest anyway.

The Nibelungenlied: BODIES ON SHEILDS

House of Leaves: We have building codes for a reason, dammit.

Slaughterhouse Five: SEX WITH PORNSTAR IN ALIEN ZOO! Also some people die maybe.

Scaramouche: Problem, bourgeoise?

The Dunwich Horror: Never stick your omnidimensional dick in crazy.

The Taming of the Shrew: GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN

>>708275
just marking where I stopped in the thread, to post, and will continue to read here once I have posted.


I AM LEGEND: everyone's a vampire, ALCOHOL YAY, fuckin' microscopes how do they work, vampire with spray on tan leads me to my death. then I AM LEGEND.

The Raven: Bird trolls emo.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: The Earth explodes a couple times.

A Short History of Nearly Everything: FUKKEN MAGNETS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

>>709666

True story.

The Pit and the Pendulum: We spent the entire treasury on this execution room.

And Then There Were None: Rocks fall, everyone dies, whatta tweest

>>709670

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency:

...jesus fucking fuckshit cocks, what?

Dresden Files: HELL YES--TO THE MAX

Kino no Tabi: "Well nobody's perfect."

Paradise Lost: Sad Satan in snow tells god where to stick it, runs away from home. Naked people fuck; SHOCKING.

A Clockwork Orange: Gov trolls super angsty teen but it's all good.

The Talmud: "Y'all's my bitches", says god through his lawyers.

Dracula: Ugly old fuck writes letters, gets layed.

SATAN BURGER: everything on the internet + 4chan + PUNK ROCK OY OY OY. And satan is a fairy.

Invisible Man: no one actually turns invisible, so don't waste your time. Also, stereotypes and racism.

The Time Machine: ....it's about ninjas.

The Island of Dr. Moreau: Furries are not actually human-compatable. Who gave this guy his degree?

Native Son:
Nigga, u mad?
I was but then I got on the determinist ball.

THE PEARL: Crying baby wtf is this I don't even

Baldur's Gate: Sociopath's day out.

Baldur's Gate 2: LESBIANS AND OTHER VAGINA-RELATED ADVENTURES

SIX MOON DANCE: Gender roles are swapped, a hooker and his friends fuck a dragon out of nowhere to save the planet.

BENITO CERENO: Slaves be trollin.

Don Quixote: FUCK YOU I'M A KNIGHT

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court: Charming yokel brings his brand of fun and adventure to ye olde middle ages. Then EVERYONE DIES.

HIGH FIDELITY: Britfag runs failing record store, has sex with American songwriter, whines often

Atlas Shrugged: Self-justifying selfishness? THAT MAKES ME MOIST

THE OUTSIDERS: Wannabe badasses fuck around alot

A Farewell to Arms: Italy sucks.

A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Fat dramatic dude has fruity adventures in The French Quarter

THE PLASTIC MIND: Turns out stroke victims are hamming it up for the sympathy and good parking stalls.

THE FOUNTAINHEAD: Do exactly what I say or I'll blow up your fucking house.

THE ROAD: Fallout 3 happens to dad and kid. You will cry alot.

Move Under Ground:

Jack Kerouac, God puncher.

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: Fag named Greg explains why his life is shit. Also, videogames, and older brothers.

ANIMORPHS: Aliens! Morphing! TOBIAS IS AN EAGLE!!!?!!?!?

SIDDHARTHA: brb enlightenment

C'mon /lit/!! I'm running dry here!

THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME: I hunt humans lol

CANNERY ROW: John Steinbeck uses all 40 pages to describe a square foot of shrubbery

>>709666
>The Raven
>666
We got mods up in this bitch?

THE MACHINE THAT WON THE WAR: A FUCKING COIN!!!!

LORD OF THE FLIES: Rugrats unleashed.

CASEY AT THE BAT: epic fail is epic

Rhinoceros: I WILL NOT BECOME A FURRY BECAUSE I AM NOT A SLAAAVE

THE CAGED BIRD: lolopression

THE JUNGLE BOOK: Indian kid raised by wolves, ends up gb2 village,

CHRISTMAS EXPRESS: Train takes jailbaits to North Pole for perverted selfish desires

A MILLION LITTLE PIECES: Guy wakes up from good times, put in rehab, almost died lol

THE ELECTRIC KOOL AID ACID TEST: lolwut

THE NEVERENDING STORY: Library rat saves fantasy world becomes antihero and learns the power of love.

>>709804

Sounds like all of Steinback's books.

AMERICAN PSYCHO: This is not an exit.

>>707382

I fucking know, he just fucking gives it away then seems to survive on nothing for a few days.

has this been archived?

how many requests have we got?

another one, pls archive this

The House of Mirth: Jealous bitches be hatin' on me

Freakonomics: Everything that happens to you is inevitable but you are the master of your own destiny.

Outliers: Same shit, but you gotta practice for 10,000 hours.

Archive please!

>>710883
10/10. That alone was more entertaining the whole novel.

Brideshead Revisited: Watch your significant other cry and do nothing to console her because you're emotionally dead.

Mrs. Dalloway: When in doubt, jump out.

A Passage To India: BITCHES AND WHORES be makin' false rape claims on mah boi, Aziz.

>>710923
>>710923
AZIZ LIGHT!!!!!!!!

>Tobias is a Hawk

>>709144
Just about made me spit up my coffee.

NIGHTWOOD: Trap doctor attempts to console furry lesbian, fails. Yiff Yiff.

WAR & PEACE: Bitches & whores & politics & TL/DR.

AMERICAN PSYCHO/FIGHT CLUB: lol just messin'.

Pride and Prejudice: Girl loves assburger guy, but can't admit it 'till the end.

>>710918

Cool. Thanks.

Someone make a chart of this!

>>710978

Did the same to me.

The Illuminatis!: EAT A DICK I'M A DOLPHIN

Love In The Time of Cholera: Dick dick dick dick dick

>>709698
Thanks man, now I don't have to read it.

THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY:
Earth explodes, lots of aliens and a two head man, also 42

WORLD WAR Z: Iron Maiden and The Lobo.

The Silmarillion: Big words and milking my fathers legacy.

Crime and Punishment=Jesus is a Whore

THE TRIAL: whining banker gets killed by his own credulity

KING LEAR: Old rich guy spoils daughters and goes crazy.

>>711030
I second this. /lit/ has done well in this thread.

Bravo /lit/ ! Archive

Johnny Got His Gun: The inner thoughts of that horribly mangled veteran who you can't help but stare at. (he doesn't notice)

A CLASH OF KINGS: Oh god, not another Bran chapter!

GOOD OMENS: God trolls everyone.

DISCWORLD: You wish the Earth was this awesome.

The Idiot
War and Peace
Atlas Shrugged
Underworld
The Bilble, The Koran, The Tibetan book of the dead

tl;dr.

IMPRIMATUR: Interesting things only happen to characters not followed in the book. Also, turns out the Pope is a jerk. Who knew?

>>711682
His chapters get more interesting, just be patient. It's Theon you'll get sick of, srsly.

ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN: Turns out society is mostly assholes.
THE ART OF WARFARE: Fancy names for things that already have names, spies fucking rock.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Novels-Ive-Read

The Mote in God's Eye: An anthropological study of a fast-evolving three-armed alien race that would displace humanity, so we lock them in their own star system.
The Gripping Hand: OH FUCK THEY'RE GETTING OUT.

>>707330
Who's Kamina?

>>709596

i'm reading the Aeneid now and fuck, i loled.

>>711892
Yeah who the fuck is that? If anything Kamina is the modern day Neal Cassady. Whoever the hell he is.

ULYSSES: just kidding, no one actually reads Ulysses

Postal Office: I'm so drunk, burp

>>712136
...I read Ulysses...I'm actually trying to write a paper on Joyce right now. FUCK that though, it's making my brain hurt.

ULYSSES: The climax is when Bloom jerks off.

>>712123
>>712133

JULIUS CAESAR: Lawful Good is a shitty alignment, people get stabbed

>>712148
Well, Cassady wasn't exactly manly. I mean, he was fucking awesome, don't get me wrong? But stereotypical Bruce Willis/Rambo/Shwarzenegger style man, not really. He was kinda fruity...

SHIBUMI: Ninjas, that are not real, cavediving.

Perdido Street Station: Scientist tries to help rapist bird, ends up unleashing monster moths, robots help fight them.

The Scar: a city of pirates decides to ride a giant fish to a hole in reality, then decide they don't want to.

THE BLUEST EYE: Everyone thinks some black girl is ugly, her mother hates her, a cat gets thrown on her, her father rapes her, she poisons a dog, goes insane. America killed her.

PAGAN BABIES: Con man-priest and ex-con comedian try to get mobsters to give money to Rwanda, but then they'll take it instead. Hitmen are stupid.

Flashman: Coward wants to get drunk and fuck bitches, ends up in Afghanistan. Pussies out of fights and everyone thinks he great, but his wife cheats on him.

Flashman: Coward wants to get drunk and fuck bitches. Everyone thinks he's a hero. Cool story, bro.

BORN STANDING UP: Being a struggling comedian sucks. Being a successful comedian sucks. Now make me laugh, monkey.

The Hunter: Don't fuck with Parker, bitch.

The Man with the Getaway Face: Don't fuck with Parker, retard.

The Outfit: Don't fuck with Parker, mobsters.

>>711137

YOU FORGOT YOUR FUCKING TOWEL!

>>712263

TOWEL DAY WHOOOOOOO

>>711763
Fancy names for things that already have names?

Sounds like sociology in a nutshell.

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE: Violence is beautiful and milk tastes good. Droogs are not your droogs.

The Big Sleep: Bitches, man.

A FAREWELL TO ARMS: war and women are f---ing s---, let's get drunk all the time instead.

ALTERED CARBON: do NOT fuck with Takeshi Kovacs.

DUNE: the book is dedicated to 'dry-land geologists', that's really all you need to know.

THE SELFISH GENE: we are all hardcoded to be cunts of the highest order, also thereisnogod.

TRAINSPOTTING: Scotland takes drugs in psychic defence.

GERMINAL: Russian anarchist goes apeshit when fed his pet rabbit and floods a mine.

Feed: the narrator, dies, even if its told on first person.

The Importance of Being Earnest: Everything can be solved with a sprinkle of wit.

>>712268
FACTORS OF BATTLE ARE HEAVEN AND EARTH.
(weather and terrain)