Trans guys/girls, what did you do when you first started feeling gender dysphoric?I'm almost certain this is what I'm feeling. Haven't figured it all out yet. I'm just going to go to a therapist for now, but I'm hoping to find comfort in your stories.
From a younger age, when my mom would tell me to do stuff like close my legs, don't play over there, etc, but dysphoria over more physical things came around about when puberty started to kick in.
>>747980Maybe it's my wording, but I'm looking more for stories on what you actively started doing to sooth the dysphoria when you realized you were dealing with it. I've read lots of "how did you know you were transgendered?" stuff, and I've come to a kind of certainty that I am dysphoric, and would like to know what steps you took to deal with it after finally coming to terms and admitting to your self that you may be transgendered.
I started crossdressing and popping my mothers menopause meds till I ended up in hospital.
>>747973 (OP)When I was 7-8 I found out about the difference between boys and girls and used to have nightmares all the time where I'd have a penis and go to look at it or touch it and something scary would happen. Or I couldn't feel it and knew it could never be real. Or it would grow long like a spaghetti noodle and fall off. I always woke up crying. Thinking about it makes me question what the significance of having the correct genetalia is, at least in my case. At that age I knew nothing at all about sex, I just knew boys got to be boys and dress and look and play like boys because they had a penis. But I couldn't do many of those things because I was not born with one.These days I just wear and do whatever I want, disregarding gender norms. So in that way I am dysphoric, but I don't have a need to take T it change my body because I'm not even built like a girl normally. I have no tits, I'm tall, and my body is square shaped. I wish I could tell my kid self she should wear and play anything she wants without worrying that others will be disappointed she doesn't act girly is think she's a freak....
>>748000What
>>747994I just started living like the gender I felt like. I binded my chest (which thankfully was small already) and since I'd already been wearing men's clothes, just kept on keeping on. I was already pretty masculine in terms of how I presented (short hair, men's clothes, relatively deeper voice) so for me it was mostly a change in social stuff, like going by a different name and pronouns. I'm working to get on T but that's something I can't exactly speed up, since you can't self-med with T.
>>748010I wish I could do this and pass. I don't want to make a commitment just yet, but I'd like to go for a test run and see if I am actually comfortable living as a girl.
>>748008I overdosed with black-cohosh one time which sent me in some kind of trance. Everybody believed I would do drugs.Should have came out to my parents and the doctors right there. Then I maybe would have transitioned with 15/16
I was in a bit of denial att first. Like, retarded denial, I didn't realize at all that I had those feeling.First time ever I masturbated was to the thought about being a girl, and has pretty much been like that ever since. It took me a year or two to even realize that I might be trans, but even then it was more denial. More to the people around me than anything else. I made stories about guys becoming girls for myself, and soon started to dress up in my sisters clothes when I was home alone.I called myself a transvestite, and said I'd rather be able to choose my gender at a whim.I did that for a year or two, until I just came to terms with my feelings, and stopped suppressing them.I wanted to be female, but I wasn't really that into transitioning, since I hadn't read up on it. I somehow had figured that all you really did was a lot of plastic surgery, I didn't know about hormones and that stuff, so I thought transitioning would be a lot more hassle than it is.It was nice when I found out more about transitioning, and reading up on the exact procedures. Like a nice little happy surprise, you know. I'm willing to start my treatment now, after dreaming about this for so long, I just need to express this desire in some way to family and friends, and then sign up for it. (I'm a eurofag, so this shit is a lot more complicated and timewasting here.)
>>747973 (OP)bury my emotions until I later date when things can be put off no longer
around age 14 iirc. because that's when my facial and leg hair started to grow.
19 and dysphoria hit me like a fucking freight-train.Went into denial for a month or two. Ordered hormones online to try just to see how it was.Started on full dosage because I'm an idiot and I never stopped the hormones. Just kept going into transitioning.
>>747973 (OP)The first bit of really bad dysphoria that I remember clearly was when I started growing facial hair during puberty. I was in denial that I was even growing any until it was noticeable enough that I needed to shave. Getting an electric razor for my birthday made me cry in private.Either way though OP, people experience dysphoria in a bunch of different ways, you might feel dysphoria differently from any of us.
>>748284>Started on full dosage because I'm an idiotWhy does that make you an idiot?
Oh, a questioning thread. Yay.I was posting in a thread yesterday about the same thing, in which I think I've been identified as an autogynephilliac, and was linked to a book involving them and transitioning.Anyways, last night I had a dream of confirming I was and coming out as MtF, everyone being accepting of me, and then I helped someone else come out as well.I woke up extremely horny and had to fap for an hour, in which I started crossdressing 30 minutes in. After I finally climaxed, I laid down hesitant to take the clothes off (panties, bra, and yoga pants), but knew that taking them off was something I had to do. After taking them off, that same ol' sense of doubt remained in my mind.Any thoughts, /lgbt/?
>>748318I think it's way better to ease into it. I got mad mood swings, way more than I expected.Then again that might just be hormones, but still.
>>748533>I think I've been identified as an autogynephiliacNo. Ignore those idiots.Just do what you want to do. I have this image in my head of who I want to be and I've resolved myself to become that person. Just because the door that led me to where I am now was a sexual one doesn't make my dream any less legitimate. This board is just full of retards.You can over-analyze things all you want, but at the end of the day, you have to make a decision about what you want to do with your life.
>>748550I also went full on into hormones and I got ridiculous mood swings AND brain shattering migraines for about a week
>>748728I just don't feel like I'd identify as a girl half the time, though, and question if transitioning into a woman would really make me a happier person.I don't know what feels right or who I want to be, because every time I lean toward female, I get turned on, and can't lean towards female and not get turned on!
>>748731Didn't get any migraines thank god. Now it's 4 months later and I have boobs that just keep growing ^^
>>748728You want to be Taylor Momsen?
>>747973 (OP)I don't really remember much of my young <10 childhood besides specific events like getting molested or beaten and thrown down the stairs, but I remember starting to hate my body around the sixth grade when puberty was just starting and I was always being put in a desk in the front of the class to be separated and stared at, for talking too much. I stopped getting hair cuts because short hair made me look like my father and also stupid because my head isn't very big. It wasn't much else than that, and I could live with it because it turned out my hair is super pretty.Around 16ish I started getting hairy and my general malaise became.. bad. It was horrible. Lots of self-harm, dropped out of school, tried to kill myself with pills, thankfully nobody found out because I did it just that poorly(I wanted to make it seem like an accidental overdose because I didn't want my family to know it had been another suicide), all because my body was becoming absolutely disgusting and wrong. I withdrew into video games and being a hateful prick on 4chan and drugs when I could get them because 'real' life made me so fucking miserable. I never tried to get help because at this time, hawt traps were barely a thing, I always figured I was too ugly, and all my experience with actual transsexuals was the pictures of fucking disgusting british huns who plaster their ugly faces all over the internet.After years of this I got a GED, some anti-depressants, and tried going to community college, I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. I was just devolving into a robot, I could barely keep up appearances of being a sarcastic funny guy, couldn't concentrate on anything, had panic attacks when I got home and cried myself to sleep every night. Tried to get help, got gatekept because shit therapist. Years later started self medding. 2 months later I wrote this post.
>>748744I'm not going to tell you to transition, but I'm not going to say you shouldn't. I feel female most of the time, but I still feel male sometimes. Cis people go through this same issue all the time, women feeling masculine and men feeling feminine. It's a condition common to everyone.All this proves is that gender is a performance. Regardless of what "science" says, you still have the right to be what you want to be. I want a more feminine body, and I'm willing to lose my dick's function to do that. If the person you want to be is a guy that crossdresses sometimes, then don't do hormones. If you want to be a girl, then do hormones and just be tomboyish when you're feeling more male.>>748775No, where did you get that idea?
>>747973 (OP)At first I was like>fuck yeah! I can live my life!then I was like>oh wait, no I can'tand then I was like>well shit
>>748795Problem is when I feel masculine and feminine really, like for example when I fapped not too long ago I said my name was my girl name and that I was trans under my breath, yet less than minutes after finishing, I said my boy name and future profession with confidence.I've come to understand that nothing about gender is really set in stone, same with sexuality. I wish neither of these things existed. I like crossdressing and find it fun to be cute, but when I fap, I feel like it's something more. Yet when I dress as a woman for Halloween, I just feel like a feminine boy.Everything's a toss up, really
>>748795>women feeling masculine and men feeling feminine. It's a condition common to everyone.That's nonsense. I've never felt either particularly, and if I asked people I knew I'm certain that I would get a similar response (oh, and none of them are trans).
>>748857>nonsenseExcept that it's not, and you're obviously just misunderstanding me. If you say you've never felt either, then you obviously just haven't identified how you do feel as masculine or feminine at any given time. It's not something you can abstain from. I'm sure if you ask some random guy, "have you ever felt feminine," he's going to say no, when in fact he has, he just doesn't know that what he was feeling at the time was, in fact, a glimpse of femininity.There is no such thing as 100% masculine or 100% feminine, that's retarded.>>748841Do you want to be a girl or do you want to be a boy?
>>748908>you obviously just haven't identified how you do feel as masculine or feminineYes, so what's the problem?>he just doesn't know that what he was feeling at the time was, in fact, a glimpse of femininitySorry, but how can you call anything 'masculine' or 'feminine' which isn't either biological or linked by (subjective, albeit often cultural) association? You may as well say "well, you didn't think anything of that feeling which you just had, but if you looked at it properly you would realise that it was actually a glimpse of turnip".
>>748908>Do you want to be a girl or do you want to be a boyright now boy, but other times girl. My uncertainty is why I'm in this thread.
>>748795The picture you posted.
>>748922There is no such thing as transgendered. There are merely varying levels of comfort with one's asserted gender role. If you grow up being told you're one thing and don't have any qualms with it, nobody bats an eyelash, but if being one thing isn't working out and you decide to be something else, you get labeled "disorderly."There are plenty of people out there who are right on the fence, but who choose not to change. You wouldn't call them trans, even though you have no idea how much introspection they've done about whether or not to transition.The entire model for how gender relates to sex and what transgenderism is is flawed from the foundations because it is based on the idea that there is such a thing as "normal."The best men to date are ones that have gotten in touch with their feminine sides, because it proves that they are exactly where they need to be. They're comfortable with who they are, secure in it, and can maturely entertain the idea of drinking fruity mixed drinks and gossiping, but you don't call them trans. All I'm saying is that the human condition is always in a state of flux, and stamping a big fat label on someone's face doesn't accomplish anything.>>748930I would say that if your desire to be a girl doesn't go away, I'd seriously consider rethinking your future. At the very least, the first thing to do is talk to a therapist who specializes in gender identity.>>748974I don't think that's Taylor Momsen.
>>749418>There is no such thing as transgendered.People aren't transgender because they fit into the opposite gender's gender roles they're transgender/transsexual because their body does not match the structure of their brain.
>what did you do when you first started feeling gender dysphoricStarted being a "sissy" and seeing a domme.lol
>>749418>>>/tumblr/
>>749418>The best men to date are ones that have gotten in touch with their feminine sides, because it proves that they are exactly where they need to beDoes this not suggest that the problem here is not that the brains/bodies of certain people don't match, but that we (society) attempt to apply an unhealthy, unbalanced divide between certain characteristics. The problem is not psychological, but social. In a properly functioning society, there would be no sense of 'gender' outside of biological sex.
>>749582well I want to have a vagina
>>749464>the world is made of black and white, there is nothing in between>having a conversation about transgenderism when you don't even know the difference between gender and sex>>749582Exactly:Gender is metaphysical, existential, fabricated, intangible.Sex is physical, empirical, measurable, easily defined.Transgenderism is a myth. You might as well call people human if you're going to call them transgendered, since everyone is, on some level, transgendered. The slightest curiosity or expression of a trait commonly associated with the opposite gender automatically makes you transgendered.Transsexualism, on the other hand, while a type of transgenderism, is specifically a physical phenomenon and not related to gender roles or performance.
Buried it.
Ever since my teens, maybe starting around 13.I thought I was just fucked in the head though.
Uhmm yeah, I'm 25 right now and I've been questioning shit for like a year now.I'm actually already approved for hormones but it's scary as fuck.And is it just me or is much of the trans community super circle-jerky? Because it seems like all the trans people I know IRL want me to transition.
>>750029Don't ask for trans advice from most trans unless you're really close to them as a person or they are a professional, because otherwise you'll get biased answers.MtF General is one of the most circlejerky Generals I've ever seen.
>>750029Depends on the kind of community, and whether you're MtF or FtM.MtF seems more cliquey and circlejerky, but I'm not MtF so I don't frequent that community.The FtM community has felt mostly mellow to me as long as you're not in a sub-group with trendy hipster types - they tend to be kind of annoying.
>>750064I have two MtF friends who are like "omg you should totally transition" and a few others I've talked to online who think I should.One of my friends is FtM and he's like "fuuuuuck I'm jealous you have hormone approval just be sure you're sure okay?"Another close friend is androgynous and is like "I think transition should happen but I don't want to convince you to do anything."Then one of my best friends is asexual and he thinks I should do it just for the lulz, and because I'm depressed. It's a dramatic change and it might turn things around.Oh yeah, and a lesbian I know thinks I should, but I'm pretty sure she just likes chicks with dicks.But yeah, the MtF's I've met are gung ho about making everyone into a freak.
>>750106I am MtF
if you haven't always felt that way, it might not be for you
>>750117Ah, I don't know then.Your trans friends might be encouraging you to transition because they know what dysphoria is like and felt the relief of transition when they started. It's kind of dangerous to encourage people though, because it adds a sense of urgency that could be detrimental to someone who's deciding whether transition is right for them or not.
im not one of those people who instantly figure it all out the very moment they understand what a transsexual is and do SRS in their teens. i guess ive always been sort of confused in a gid way. stuff like this has been like way too emotionally overwhelming for me to deal with and i didnt even find out about transissues until i was like 18 or so. ever since i was a kid i never wanted to like be a male of do any male things. ive always had this odd feeling which is difficult to pin down but its vaguely about something being out of place with me physically. im still uncertain about transitioning because arent you like supposed to be 100% sure and absolutely positive about it. im just kind of ambivalent even though i do chronically hate myself and my life but it is not like i could not survive even though its all pointless and bleak.
>>749735The problem with your view is that the sexes have gender-specific trends that they trend towards intrinsically, without this vast heteronormative social programming yadda yadda patriarchy bullshit I just KNOW is coming next.Gender is NOT metaphysical, as there is no such thing as mind/body Cartesian dualism. It is the expression of the personality your physical body automatically produces from its interaction with its environment and its brain's neurological makeup. It is both social and physical, as it is both expression and a trait one inherently possesses as a human being.Gender is simply not QUANTIFIED, as we don't fully know where the boundary lies between gender as a social construct and gender as an inherent trait the majority of the sexes trend towards (males to masculinity, females to femininity). The fact of the matter is, however, that gender is not metaphysical.Nothing about humans, to our current knowledge, can be considered as "metaphysical" besides what seems to be your unrealistic fantasy-level ignorance.Stop using feel-good pseudo-philosophical, pseudo-scientific fairytales to try to justify your liberal political bullshit with people trying to turn my neurological disorder that requires medical treatment into a fucking political fiasco to destroy the gender binary, or whatever it is you faggots and retarded feminists are trying to use me for today.Fuck off, seriously. Just fuck off.
>>750113>making everyone into a freak.Glad to see you're objective about this sort of thing.
I hated it when I started growing tits. Buying my first training bra was a sad day. I remember being 11 and thinking 'please don't grow anymore I don't want to have to wear bras for the rest of my life.Someone answered because my tits are barely even A cups and I never wear brad now that I stopped wearing sports bras and switched to wife beaters to hide the nipples better.
>>749735>>750249
ftm here, about to start my periodabout the most dysphoric I've felt in awhile.While I understand where those who believe transgenderism is a social construct are coming from, my personal experiences cause me to disagree. My dysphoria has been present for way longer than I ever knew what gender was. Unlike other children, I mollified my dysphoria not by dressing a specific way, or playing with specific toys, but in more subtle little actions I now am beginning to see as "little hints" to my condition.I was always sort of... Androgynously behaved. Society's "gender roles" never have and I doubt ever will have any real hold on me. I played with male and female toys. I dressed in whatever my mom put out for me. Though I preferred male company I think this was more on the basis of that they were nicer (So I was being both masculine in that I was hanging with males doing male things, but feminine in that one of the major reasons I did so was my feelings were easily hurt)But there was always SOMETHING I could never put my finger on. One of the newest little things I've realized is that I could never enjoy books with female protagonists. Not in a "I can't identify with them" sort of way, but actively avoiding them in I "Even if I COULD identify with them, I don't want to" sort of way.Another little thing, was that I had always been male within my own dreams. Never thought anything about it until puberty in which within my "wet dreams" I had a penis. Because of a long term long distance relationship, I didn't have sex until I was 18. I was able to the whole of puberty with little romantic contact (The most was kissing). So sexually, I wasn't ever forced to accept my own sex. But I could never fantasize about my partner and I together. Or myself and ANYBODY together. My only fantasies were of two other males, or a male and a sort of 'male persona' representing myself. -c-
-c- For me, dysphoria is a very real, tangible emotion.I've experienced it for as long as I can remember, usually in terrible pangs around my menstrual cycle. I could never put a finger on it- No one had ever given me a word to describe what I was feeling. Trying to describe it to people was like trying to describe a color they had never seen.The closest I can relay it is... A surreal sense of "something wrong" with my own body. I say surreal, because... Have you ever had a particularly vivid dream, and woken to feel almost "detached" from reality? Like you're not sure if you're awake? That maybe something is wrong? That's kind of what its like for me. I think I'm interesting case because I've lived my life until now my essential "de-gendering" myself. But I've suffered the consequences of that. I feel almost as if I have no real identity, because I've had to reject such an integral part of myself- Not just my gender, but romance, and sexuality. There was a period in my life I did /try/ to conform to female gender roles. But it always felt... Fake to me. Like any role- It was a role. Like I was playing an actor. Wearing a mask to get what I wanted. It made me hate myself more than my transgenderism did (It's easier to accept the real me than something I'm pretending to me). But now that I can start seeing myself as a man... Everything has changed. I feel like a human being again. Not just a robot, or a ghost. I actually imagine MYSELF in sexual situations. Which has been a major recent step for me actually.
>>750249>victimization intensifies
-c- final note forgot to addEven as a transman gender roles don't mean shit to me. I do traditionally guy things and have traditionally guy personality traits. And some feminine shit too. I do what I think is right, and I do what I enjoy. I do me. Aint nobody got time to be dealing with conforming. However I am sad it took me so long to realize-Actually, I'm not. I discovered my disorder at an age where I'm mature enough to handle it like an adult. So maybe it's a good thing it took this long to find myself.
>>750417>But it always felt... Fake to me. Like any role- It was a role. Like I was playing an actor. Wearing a mask to get what I wanted. It made me hate myselfBut you can feel this without being trans, right? I feel the same way about pretending to be a guy, but this board insists I'm an AGP fetishist demonspawn.
>>750417>I think I'm interesting case because I've lived my life until now my essential "de-gendering" myself. But I've suffered the consequences of that. I feel almost as if I have no real identity, because I've had to reject such an integral part of myself- Not just my gender, but romance, and sexuality. MtF here, I spent a lot of my teenage years worrying about my gender and how I *should* be behaving and I feel like that really crippled the development of my identity and personality
>>750446Dude this board is fucking bananas. You feel what you feel. Anyone telling you "YOUR FEELINGS ARE NOT LEGITIMATE" is full of shit. I think anyone can feel that way when they try to fulfill a role they aren't naturally inclined to- Or try to go too far to the point it becomes fake (i.e hyper masculinity or something).You're you. You aren't some plastic meant to fill the mold of masculinity. If some parts of you fit, that's okay. If none of you fits, that's okay. If you fit perfectly, that's okay too. Just never force yourself to try and be something you know you're not. It's just the feeling of trying to be something you're not. Being fake. We've all been there.
>>750446>But you can feel this without being trans, right? I feel the same way about pretending to be a guy, but this board insists I'm an AGP fetishist demonspawn.It's just a bunch of shitty trolling and/or morons. See a therapist and sort out your feelings if you think it's interfering with your life
>>750456Yeah I think it's a common experience among trans people. And maybe people in general, now that I think about it.We've all wasted time trying to be something we're not. But when most people find their true self, it usually isn't of the other sex.such is life in the zone
>>750478No, I think he's talking about something related to the human condition as well. Many men try to be more masculine than is truly "them". Trying to be something you're not does leave a bad taste in your mouth, so I'm sure a lot of people can sympathize with trans people trying way too hard in their early years to fit within gender roles.
>>750434>attacks science and reality with metaphysical bullshit and ill-thought-out pseudo-philosophy>uses trannies to push political activism that effectively eliminates acceptance of them in the long run while claiming to have their back>stop acting like such a victim lol>down with duh gendah binary!!!No. Fuck you. Fuck off.
>>749735>Gender is metaphysical, existential, fabricated, intangible.Um no I hate to break it to you but gender is not some abstract or intangible. What we percieve as our gender is in our brain. When our brain is in the womb it is hit with hormones (androgens and testosterone) which in turn changes the structure of the brain to whichever gender.http://www.mediafire.com/view/?brq4uevp3r8mwk4I think you're getting too caught up on transgender vs transsexual. They are essentially the same thing except transsexuals have or are getting surgery. Also awhile back many people chose to make the switch from calling themselves transsexuals to transgenders because transsexual has the word sex in it and it might offend some's delicate sensibilities or some shit.
>>750610The thing is, you're right in a sense (and the anon you responded to is a fucking idiot), gender and sex are different, but people of a certain sex greatly trend towards a specific gender (males to being men, females to being women) with no social programming or cultural provocation whatsoever. This is why a person can be transgender or "genderqueer" or some other in-between or cross-gender identity, and not necessarily transsexual.Gender-oriented behavior as a social construct is something that comes later. This is why a hypothetical chromosomal female can identify as a woman while exhibiting a bunch of masculine traits and generally being a butch lesbian who has sex with other women solely through the use of a strap-on. She is not conforming to gender-oriented cultural stereotypes whilst still inherently being of that gender and sex. She's not transgender, nor transsexual, she's just a gender non-conformist.The sex and gender gray areas within humanity are complex, but not metaphysical, and definitely not fabricated or intangible.
Started crossdressing with "lent" clothes so to say when I was 12. Right now, 6 years later, I haven't progressed a lot (now I have my own clothes though, not really a lot but at least they're mine). Also found out about HRT and researched about it (prices around my area, what are the best types, dosages, etc) thinking my parents would support me but... well it's a weird situation. They said they'd support me and stuff but never talked about it again and I'm too emotionally retarded to even mention wanting HRT to them. Not sure what'd they do if I asked.
.gif)
.png "Refresh")