this type of situation is A1's time to shine. itll cover up ANYTHING and make it taste like A1.

Always openly criticize mistakes or flaws or else they won't get better at it.

For the almost four years we dated, my ex-girlfriend never even attempted to prepare food for me, beyond ordering delivery. At least yours tried, OP.

>>765087
Also slap her a few times to make sure the criticism sticks.

what an evil cunt

must be true love, lol.

mine once served me cereal... that's it

>>765104

You got a problem with cereal, bitch?

I gave a girlfriend a key to my place once. So I come home from work one day and find the place is smokey and smells funny.

She was making stuffed mushrooms with sour cream (!) and some really expensive crab meat that I had intended to be used for nice crabcakes.

And she was attempting to deep fry this fail in my expensive olive oil.

Cunt.

>>765114
None sir, excuse me, let me clean your shoes

>>765115
how much do you pay for olive oil??

>>765138

I pay about 8.99 for a pint of Extra Virgin. It's fruity goodness.

>>765115
Christ why don't you lock your cupboards???

>>765138
Maybe $20-$25 for a pint.

>>765227

I'm guessing that's not the walmart brand?

>>765115

Wow, she was trying to do something nice for you and you call her a cunt? Gee, she sure was lucky to date you.

>>765237
That's like saying she was trying to be nice and fix your computer and ended up destroying it.
The path to hell is paved with good intentions.

Me and my boyfriend both love to cook. It was one of the reasons we became such good friends, we'd go over to each other's houses and cook big dinners together for the rest of our friends, so we've never run into these situations.

Though I was making him an egg sandwhich one day with a fuckton of eggs, and it wasn't cooking well all the way through, so the bottom was a little crunchy, but I covered it in melted cheese and he never noticed.

>>765244

I would have put it in the oven and made a frittata. YUM. Damn, now I want a frittata.

>>765248
>>765244 here.
Tell me more about this frittata you speak of. I've never heard of it, but eggs are always win and I need more breakfast foods to cook.

=( I was trying to make Russian black bread for my bf at the time. The dough ended up being too wet so it came out more like dense rye cake or something rather than bread. Fail.

i tried to adapt my *freakin awesome* biscuits and gravy recipe for my vegetarian ex on the fly with TVP. while i take pride in my ability to make something for the first time without a recipe at least decent... fuck. just fuck.

>>765271

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frittata

I like to make mine with fresh figs, proscuitto and gorgonzola. Too bad fresh figs aren't in season yet : (

Frittatas are very versatile... You can make with anything you have fresh on hand.

My BF once tried to make spaghetti bolognese.

Needless to say, it had raw mince in it because my BF didn't think to brown the meat beforehand.

After that little incident, I have yet to let him back in the kitchen for more than anything than a glass of juice or the ketchup. :/

>>765295
What the hell were you using TVP for in biscuits and gravy?

>>765306
to make vegetarian. still wanted to have little chunks of protein in it. figured tvp with sage and thyme and vegetable broth should approximate sausage. was wrong. this was like 4 years ago when i was 18 and i would do it different now. the premise is solid, the execution was fail.

>i would do it different now
You mean like not date a fucking vegetarian?

This girl who desperately wanted to be my gf (she was obsessive and crazy) was claiming she was a good cook and loved to cook and wanted to cook for me so bad.

The only thing she ever made for me for as long as it lasted was this disgusting scrambled egg thing once, eggs scrambled, not even 100% done and she added bits of raw bell peppers, no spices at all not even salt. I'm a beginner but I haven't made anything that gross in my entire life.

Eh. I enjoy cooking for my bf when I'm over at his place. However last time I made sushi and gyozas, which were great, but the soup I made didn't have enough dashi/broth in it and the noodles I used sucked up most of it so we were left with a wet seafood/bok choy noodle dish. It tasted great but not very soup like. I was embarrassed to serve it.

I'm seeing a common theme of eggs here. How is it that difficult to cook eggs? They're one of the easiest things to make o__0

I had a girl over who I intend to make my gf last night. I was showing her how to make spaghetti (she's a fresh exchange student from asia rofl) and I somehow burned the onions right off the bat. Still, I caught it in time so that most of them were carmelized deliciousness, but I had to transfer them to another pot because the bottom was completley black (and I threw out some of the particularly burnt pieces). Rest of it turned out gr8 though.

>>765388
oh ho hooo thats what you think. Short order cooks fuck up eggs more often then any other dish.

cook em too long or too quickly at a high temp, they release all their water content and you have rubbery, watery eggs that taste like ass and hell.

>>765337
i live in seattle where if an attractive late teen-twentysomething girl isnt vegetarian its because shes vegan. slight exaggeration but close to the truth. doesnt really bother me that much since dinner tabs are cheaper that way and it gets me to expand my cooking skills. if she ate meat i wouldnt know how to make failgravy.

i made speaghetti bolgnase before and fried up the ground beef and onions, etc. went to add to the sauce, and i didnt drain the grease off the beef. all my roommates ate it and loved it, and than we all got the shits in about thirty minutes. total fail. someone even asked me if i drained the grease, and i said i had.

i'm the cook. Here's an example of how horrible at cooking she is:

she fucked up EZ-Mac.

That's right. The packets of powdered cheese and noodles that you add water to and nuke for 3-5 minutes. She thought to add water /after/ you warm it up. Have you ever seen dried elbow macaroni that's been blasted with microwaves for over 3 minutes?

We had to buy a new freaking Microwave.

>>765432

The ladies on Capitol Hill love the meat.

>>765477

+1 for the attempt i guess but fail for not following written instructions

>>765302
Well he can't improve his skills that way...
How about cooking WITH him instead of doing nothing and complain after that lol

>>765477

Holy shit. You dated my college roommate.

I once used olive oil while making brownies because I ran out of vegetable oil and didn't have anything else to substitute. Never again.

>>765477
My sister's done that. She can cook, but she don't always pay attention. She's also mixed up cinnamon and chili powder resulting in an unusual chili. But her banana bread is killer.

I used to date a girl who couldn't tell cilantro and parsley apart. She'd run to the market and get the wrong one when I told her what to buy. Or she'd get the wrong one out of the fridge and chop it up when I needed the other kind. Pissed me off so fucking bad.

>>765555
Wow, you're an ass.

>>765558
All good chefs are.

My GF never proofed the yeast when she tried to bake bread... all that resulted were these off dense brickloafs. They were... .edible. :/

My ex got mad at me once and was cooking salmon steaks for tea, she was so stressed totally undercooked them, they were more like braized salmon. she was so mad she didnt care and served it up anyway. The killer part is i love raw salmon, to this day it is the best salmon I've ever eaten, meanwhile she had to choke hers down to save face!!!

My ex-gf put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher.

>>765596
no wonder France sucks.

I don't have a gf ;_;

>>765788

oh man there would have been some serious domestic violence.

>>765788
WASH YOUR OWN DAMN DISHES

>>765788
i'm sorry to hear that =( , my sister's wife did that :/

>>765788
Yeah, so what. I've put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher no problems. Saves having to wash the fucking thing in the sink.

>>765970
>sister's wife

hubba hubba, giggity giggity, etc.

>>765971
the point is that you're supposed to wash it you fucking idiot

>>765979
i'm pretty sure the point is that you're NOT supposed to wash them you fucking retard

>>765979

boss nig's stupidity strikes again.

>>765718
OMG ONOEZ SHE DIDN'T PROOF THE BREAD WAHHHHH!

My boyfriend is away on break and I'm heading up to stay with him tomorrow, so I made him and his family a couple dozen oatmeal cookies with cranberries, raisins, and some with chocolate chip. I really hope they're not going to fail, this is my first time cooking something for him.

my girlfreind made me a 1-lb double cheeseburger with onions, tomatoe from my farm, mayo and mustard on a x-large bulkie roll that basically changed my life.

problem? i couldn't fuck afterwards for being too full.

EPIC FULL

Box of cake mix says use two pans for the cake mix, she puts it in one and thinks everything ok, i come up stairs and see the thick black smoking PORING out of the oven, needless to say we didn't last long

My ex made me a salad with ranch dressing that expired 14 months before

Before I met my b/f he set water on fire somehow.

I was making my bf stuffed mushrooms with sour cream and crab meat.. I attempted to deep fry it in some kind of oil.. He faked liking it, but inside I could tell he was really pissed off!

>>766082

That sounds pretty fucking good actually.

Sounds like you need a more appreciative boyfriend.

>>766094
Yeah, he has crushed my self esteem completely

>>766094
/facepalm

try to keep up, dear.

>>765115
>>765115

>>766082
There was no faking anything that day. Shit was inedible and had to be thrown away. A whole fucking $20-$25 bottle of olive oil.

haha. long time ago i tried making rice a roni at my GF's house.

it was not good. crunchy rice in salty, runny gravy. i forced myself to eat it as penance.

>>765295

soy sauce is your answer. fo real. it's how veg gravy is made.

>>766094
Sounds like you need to read the thread.

bump for a new day