Christopher Kimball

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Guy fieri here from triple d

>>2551604
best be trollin

BLOODY COWS

Thomas Keller. not a food network whore. best chef in america.

obligatory

Ainsley thread?

>>2551613
didn't see that one coming

I like gordan ramsay

An intense gentleman for an intense board.

me obvs

ok i third Tony Bourdain. this thread will decide upon our new king. it will be Dr. Bourdain

so Anthony Bourdain is the new king of /ck/?

>born-again christian
i am ok with this

fuck off

>>2551599
Hes easy going, practical, and knows what hes talking about.

either that or RAMSAY.

tony bourdain is so much more badass than alton. he should have always been king

Only, most of you uncultured swine wouldn't know who he was

fucking anthony bourdain!

>>2551638
and only faggots like you would choose that guy

>>2551632

Yes.

And king of my fantasies...

The king of /ck/ is the CEO of McDonald's, whoever that is.

winners

>>2551638
a hurr durr
>>2551611

>>2551643

That kind of personally offends me.

I, for one, have never eaten McDonald's in my life.

>>2551638
Keller has already been suggested here: >>255611

>>2551611

No way.

Eric Ripert ftw

Bourdain isnt like you guys though you know nothing of working in a true kitchen 12 hours a day everyday.

Alton should remain king because hes a baller teacher and to me the definition of culinary hobbyist which 95% of ck is.

>>2551649
god that show was amazing i love those two fat bitches

I think Paul Child should be king of /ck/

For those who don't know, he was Julia Child's Husband .

And we all know that without one of those she would have been a nobody. She really owes all of her success and fame to him.

>>2551654
yea bro and way back here too:
>>2551611

You can't handle someone's religion?

What a pussy you are, sir. A pussy indeed.

>>2551659

Too bad one of them died :(

Used to watch it all the time when I was younger.

David Chang's a pretty cool guy eh cooks ramen and doesn't afraid of vegetarians

I nominate the Frugal Gourmet.

The fact that he touched little boys on their no-nos makes him perfect for this board.

>>2551665

No, I can't respect a person who admits to idiotic beliefs.

>>2551680
I hope this extends beyond christianity

>>2551683

Definitely. Any belief in religion, the supernatural, mythology, silly rumors, etc.

Faggots...

Faggots everywhere!

We need a new QUEEN, and that queen is of course...

NIGELLA LAWSON!

She's a woman with an amazing rack and she also cooks. What would be a better choice than her?

Anyone nominating Bourdain: he was cool when he was a hard living chef but now he's just an aging tourist wearing a CBGB T-shirt.

Oh wow look at me caring

Alton brown is still my cooking god dealwithit

>>2551665
christianity is a pussy religion

if OP were to rub himself against christianity it would be lesbian sex

>>2551680
This

>>2551695
>an amazing rack

I'm guessing you're at least 35.

Who gives a shit?

No love for Kimball?

>>2551717
im barely 20 and I would nurse them guzungas

>>2551691
And in turn I'm sure you have never met someone who came away from a conversation with you thinking you were a person in the least bit worthwhile or respectable. Enjoy being forever alone.

>>2551695
amazing rack that cooks you say?
bow down

>>2551721

I was referring to the terminology, not the desire to suck them titties dry.

>>2551726

One has to be alone if one isn't stupid? Since when?

>>2551731

Rack, boobs, dem titties... Who cares?!

>>2551738

THIS

>>2551695
This is the answer.

did someone say they needed a new queen?
Or King, I could fill either position

>>2551597
I don't give a fuck if he's born-again. He doesn't shove it in my face, and he continues to bring the science.

>>2551749

Would let him buttfuck me :3

>>2551728
Once and forever

A CHALLENGER APPEARS

AB was always a faggot and never king of /ck/
>dealwithit.jpg

Alton Brown will always be king of /ck/

I AM KING NAO!!
Fuck that Alton Brown guy. Will he suck your dick? NO! But i will. And I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures of food. You cook everything bad in this world. Honestly, have any of you ever cooked anything good? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take it to a whole new level. This is even worse than posting recipes on the allrecipes website.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. except for that gay thing i was doing with kids..but hey, I was captain of the cooking team, and had my own fucking tv show when you guys were still sucking on your mothers saggy tit. What dishes can you cook? other than ramen with soy sauce? I get straight Ass motherfuckers, and have a banging hot boyfriend (he just blew me, Shit was SO cash). You are all retards who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me biaattcchh. I AM KING NAO !!!!

Come @ me bro and i will spell racecar backwards for you.

>>2551768
i'd let her

>>2551768
oh god that face

>>2551735
No, albeit people much smarter than you would call a dumb cunt for thinking that way.
Actually, you'll be forever alone for being that kid we all had to deal with who couldn't listen to anyone's opinion but his own and threw a tantrum whenever someone disagreed.
You know the one I'm talking about; the one who ate lunch alone and then went home and told his mom about how all the kids at school were so impressed when he told them what to think.
This is also the guy who skipped prom because it was 'stupid,' rather than because not a single fucking person at school will talk to him because there's just no reasoning with him.
The guy who now can't hold down a fast food job because he can't be the least bit tolerant of other people.
That's the kind of person who ends up alone.
Seriously, plenty of atheists can just agree to disagree and go back to enjoying human interaction. Try that out why don't ya.

Queen has to have a good set of tits you say?
He could be both King AND Queen.

There is no king for queen of /ck/.

We're our own people because we're capable of it.

Shitty, fucked up boards, like /b/ have kings and queens because they can't handle our life.

Get this cancer off my /ck/.

>>2551794
I could live with this

>>2551794
sorry
>>2551749
already beat you to it

>>2551801

>94
>49

ITS-BEAUTIFUL.jpg

>>2551735
yeah, that's why you're alone, cos you're so smart. It has nothing to do with being an annoying faggot who invalidates someone's legitimate accomplishments based on a single aspect of their life. You're just too good for everyone.

can we please get /r9k/ off of /ck/?

>>2551801
But Mario's superior.
Besides, he has a cool name.

ceak

King or Queen, he would work as both. I miss his psychotic ways.

>>2551809
bailey Jay
BJ

Mario
fatass
easy call for me

When I was in elementary school and they told us about Isaac Newton and how he had been a physicist and a theologian you know what I did?
I threw down my book, walked up to my teacher and slapped that cunt right in the face and screamed, "IF HE BELIEVED IN GOD I DON'T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY!"
And then everything started floating.

>>2551823
>>2551823
>>2551823
>>2551823
>>2551823
>>2551823
>>2551823

Basically this.

I also agree with this

>>2551796

This king/queen bullshit sounds like /b/

>>2551816

Sceak? He's too Auschwitz mode. We need a king who looks like he's eaten something in the last decade.

not going to lie, i just lost a lot of respect for alton brown.

but i still love him.

>>2551830
All he needs is an older man to take care him of again. I'm sure he claimed that's where he learnt most of cooking from. Or maybe we need a pervy old man.

>>>/b/

Who are you shitbirds trying to kid?
if /ck/ did have a queen/king, it would be simply sara

Masaokis was always the king of /ck/.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w46Dwh4TMGA

I vote Nadia G. for Queen

>>2551715
"i can't think for myself so i'm going to hate on christianity like all my cool hip friends"

>>2551930
Protip: masao = sceak

so Bourdain is the new king?

>>2551823
Even though this story is probably BS, in the 1600 and 1700s theology was a respected science and Newton's calculations were made in an effort to understand God's work. It's like how back then people used to think astrology was science when it's BS too, but at the time they just didn't know better.

>>2552135
No. Becuase>>2551704

I fucking nominate Eric Ripert ("Avec Eric"), because
A. Sexy as hell
B. His motherfucking Crepes Suzette
C. The simplicity/bold use of the natural flavors in his dishes.

>implying that this hasn't been posted time and time again

neewwwwwfaaaaaaaaaaags

>>2552319
how do you do that green word thing?

>mfw atheists enjoy soulfood

>>2552369
Delete system 32

>>2552369
by shotting web

>>2551796

This.

>>2552388
>mfw you think poor black slave food has a damn thing to do w/ religion

Oh I can't eat I have to bless my food.

>Dude you are talking to your food

>>2552591

It has "soul" right in the name. Atheists don't have souls.

>>2552593
Respect your food, faggot.

>>2551728
>>2551760

What the crap is this crap?

Admittedly, I had never before seen the same person both: a) boil eggs and b) fist themselves.

Now I have.

Did she do a cooking fetish video? Is cooking fetish a thing? Can I make it a thing?

>>2551695

Because women can't do anything better than men. Even if it's something they're made to do.

Chef John

>>2551597
Why should we care?

>>2552602
stupid bitch starts her eggs in warm water

>>2552624
What's gonna happen, anon?

Raekwon the chef, cooks it up raw.

>>2551597
>>2551597
Alton Brown has BEEN a born again christian since episode 1. He's never said a word about it. Never preached that invisible sky magician made cooks out of mud at the dawn of time. Never advocated prayer as the best method for frying a chicken. Nothing. I want to mock the fundie christfags as much as anyone, but god damn you have to give the man props. He believes in something without having to bitch about it. If all religious fucks were Alton Brown the world would be perfect. AND fucking delicious.

>>2552663 Here
If Alton must be ousted I vote Bourdain. He's hot for an old guy.

>>2552623

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

OP here. while i agree that its cool that Alton never proselytizes or pushes religion, besides being a Scientologist or Mormon, born-again is the shits. and he's a scientists. c'mon.

hai guise!

>>2552740
i miss Ming Tsai, shows like east meets west could kill the cancer killing food network. that show was about cooking.

>>2552732
It has no effect on his cooking, his teaching skills, or his scientific knowledge. No one would ever know from watching his show. If we could get over his "uhh then uhh you uhh uhh want uhh" in season 1 why can't we can get over this?

>>2552602
she's multi talented and also a wine connesiour, so after she cooks the meal she can pair it perfectly.
check out her youtube vids
u jelly?

>>2552732
Usually it would be indicative of a larger problem, but we've all watched his show, and in this one case I think we can agree that Mr. Brown's born-again religiosity is more of a bizarre personality quirk than the dangerous mental disability it is in others.

/thread.

>>2552759

>she can pair it perfectly.
she also has a perfect pair.

>>2552783
yet another reason she's the /ck/ueen

>>2552781

CRUNCH

>>2552793
lemme see her cook more than eggs before she's /ck/ueen

Isn't this kind of prejudice the kind of shit that the Christian church was guilty of? If you weren't one of them, then you were ostracized, etc...

And now OP (an... atheist?) is ostracizing AB on the basis of his beliefs.

Oh OHHHH I'm being trolled. haha, good one OP. 8/10 because you got so many replies.

>>2552759
>202x135
>not even an animated gif
:|

>>2552815
Thank you.

>>2552833
don't take my credit bro

>>2552817
better?

>>2552807
youtube her shit, it's off the hizzy yo
that fatfuck mario jizzes in his pants wishing he could make marinara like her

All hail.

>>2552852
I cant wait until she actually gets a show on the food network.
If you doubt me just look at Sandra lee

>>2552175
OH MY "GOD" RETARD ALERT!!! RETARD ALERT!!! Don't you get it?!?! He BELIEVED in a DEITY!!!!!! NOT SCIENCE!!!!!! The laws of motion and everything else he ever thought of in that stupid fucking theist head is WRONG because he doesn't believe in ATHEISM which is SCIENCE YOU MOTHER FUCKER.
I can't RESPECT a person like that.
And don't get me started on that fucker Carl Sagan with his bullshit "You'd have to know a lot more than me to be an atheist" bullshit, if you're not BORN an atheist, I don't care how much you feed starving children, you are a worthless human being.
SCIENCE, BITCH!!!!!!!

>>2551649
Both Catholic, don't you know. Jennifer (RIP) was particularly devout, especially in her later years (though she had a very flamboyant youth). Since I'm Catholic, too, this seems like an ESPECIALLY GOOD choice.

>>2551677
>>2551778
He was a Methodist minister.

>>2552847
I didn't intend to insinuate that I was you op, I just to thank the only other person in this post who said anything to contradict you point.

Nice trolling. You got me. 10/10.

>>2552895

>>2552898
she was the youngest woman ever called the bar, became an alcoholic when her mother died, and was homeless at points. amazing life she has had. miss the two fat ladies. am downloading entire series right now.

>>2552899
s'fine bro. just kinda happy i have the biggest thread in ck right now

captcha: flame eardece

>>2552924
That's Clarissa, not Jennifer. She's still alive, last I knew.

Jennifer was kicked out of convent school and spent much of her life traveling the world. Never married, but had several affairs, IIRC (saw a documentary on her life some years ago). Settled down later on, though, and was a parishioner at the very conservative London Oratory (which they visited at least once on the program).

If you are so set to dispose of Alton Brown, I will throw my hat in with Kimball. ATK approaches cooking with the science it deserves.

>>2552938
you are right i derped JD and guinness lool

captcha: itherail womon

>>2552943
>you are right i derped JD and guinness lool
Somehow I think they would both understand.

>>2552928
Whoa....what the fuck man....you're using a RATIO???? YOU of ALL people would stoop so low as to use that BULLSHIT from Euclid's Elements????? You think just because the definitive work on GEOMETRY that makes it ok that filthy Muslims translated it into Arabic and that CHRISTIAN CRUSADERS would recover and translate it into Latin????? FUUUUUUUCK, with all those faggots getting their hands on it how can I possibly even believe geometry even EXISTS.
Sometimes I wish we could just round up all the people I disagree with, one at a time, probably starting with Jews and then homosexuals, gypsies, cripples, communists and just eliminate them in some sort of great fire.
Oh man, wouldn't it be HILARIOUS if we named the event after a RETARDED RELIGIOUS CEREMONY those idiot theists performed. Yeah, yeah, we'll call it a HOLOCAUST.

>>2552942
Well, of course we're set on disapproving of Alton Brown. He 'cooking' is really just eating the blood and flesh of an invisible sky genie. I want to eat science, not genie guts.

ITT trolls trolling trolling trolls while being trolled trolling trolls.

Kaga, no doubt.

SO I HERD YOU LOOKING FO KING?

>>2551600

being a born again christian makes him an unreliable source of science. since that was originally his entire shtick I no longer believe him credible to provide me with scientific explanations for cooking methods, food chemistry, or the anthropology of food. I mean when he is talking about the molecules found in various grains of rice you have to realize he probably thinks they were made that way by god instead of evolutionary divergence through selective breeding...

oh herro!!!!

>>2553052
pic no relate

>>2553048
I said the same thing when I went to Calc 1 freshman year. "Some religious nut invented this shit, there's no way it's reliable."

The religious zealot professor failed me for talking about science in his religious class.

>All the faggots who suddenly hate Alton Brown.

Seriously, the guy has been a Born Again Christian for a long time now. It isn't like he became one yesterday and is suddenly praising Jesus on his show and forcing his beliefs on everyone.

I used to be a Catholic, I'm agnostic now..and I like his show. I don't give a fuck what he believes in.

>>2553048
> I mean when he is talking about the molecules found in various grains of rice you have to realize he probably thinks they were made that way by god instead of evolutionary divergence through selective breeding...

>molecules found in various grains of rice
yeah whatever bro

>made that way by god instead of evolutionary divergence through selective breeding
Selective breeding has produced new cultivars but not new species per se. And I'm sure religious people don't discount selective breeding.

Nice try though.

>>born again christian

A christian is anyone who believes Jesus is the Messiah. That is the only qualification.

Born again Christian- Once believed Jesus was the Messiah and then denouncallHim, then decided He was the Messiah after all.

That is all it means. Just because you believe Jesus was the Messiah, doesnt mean you don't believe in science. One has nothing to do with the other.

>>2553090
>>2553099
masterfully troll'd

>>2553099

enjoy your metaphysics retard lets see how helpful your prays are when (not if) a loved one gets cancer

AB is my bro, and always will be.


I forgive him his trespasses, as he would, hopefully, forgive the fact that I own a garlic press and do not apologize for it.

I don't think being born again Christian makes it that he needs to be unseated as king.

That said, I would be fine if we made martin yan, Anthony Bourdain or even Jamie Oliver as /ck/ king.

...I fail to see the issue, the man can cook, can't he?

null point;

Most Born-Again's are fucking nuts about jesus and shit.

To say he's rediscovered his faith would seem more apt. Though I think talking to voices is a sign of insanity, Alton is a bit off the ledger anyway so I'll take it as part of his eccentricity and still support him as our King.

DEATH TO THE REBEL SCUM

>>2553084
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!!

>>2551665
You know how retarded it is to believe in a book written a long time ago that claims to know what's going to happen when you die?

You lose a lot of credibility right there.

ITT: We wank over how edgy and unique we are.

Like, man, the other day I overheard some people talking about the time they went to church, and I was all "You're so fucking unenlightned". Bunch of sheep.

I'm so edgy I shit Bill Maher; who comes out listing to an ipod that only has independently produced music on it while drinking PBR.

I also use semi-colons; because I'm so unique.

Neither of those semi-colons are correctly used; you must not have been paying attention in that class.

>>2553930

you seem upset

>>2553930
the butthurt must flow

>>2553934

Typical christfag; bashing on my semicolons. Stop insulting what makes me me; Geeze you guys are stupid!

>>2553935
Oh look it's self declared not Atheist Carl Sagan who said it would take a lot more than HE the super fucking genius knows to be an Atheist.
Also a friend of Richard Dawkins. How 'bout that.

>>2554173
Carl Sagan claimed to be agnostic, which is just science-code for "I'm an Atheist, but I want to make it look like I'm keeping my options open so I remain scientifically credible."

Dawkins says the same thing if you actually listen to him.

>>2554191
Yeah, no. His direct quote being "An atheist has to know a lot more than I know." Doesn't leave a lot of room for it to be some sort of secret code. But good try twisting shit so it conforms to what you want it to mean.

>>2554210
Sorry, but if Carl Sagan didn't think being agnostic made him an atheist, he was wrong.

Atheism is like being pregnant. Either you are, or you aren't. If you believe in a supernatural, all-powerful force that both loves you and wants you to do certain things, then you are a Theist. If you don't, you're an Atheist.

>>2554235
lol no

maybe in your American world of duality and black-and-white politics this makes sense.

>>2554237
I'm not American.

And I'm sorry, that's just the nature of the word. Theists believe certain things. If you don't believe those things, you are an atheist.

>>2554235
>>2554240

reminds me of the libertarians who run around claiming everyone is secretly a libertarian and just doesn't know it

gb2 cutting yourself while drinking absinthe and listening to sad organ music

>>2554244
It doesn't matter if you don't want to be an atheist. If you don't believe in an all powerful spirit that pays attention to you and cares what you do, you are an atheist, just like if you don't cut wood into specific shapes for a living, you would be an acarpenter.

There are specific qualifications for theism. You either meet them, or you don't.

>>2554248 HURR if you don't believe in JEEBUS you're a member of my sekrit clubhouse whether you like it or not

nope

>>2554248
Simple people with simply minds are funny

>>2554257
It doesn't matter if it's Jesus or Krishna or Allah or Mithras. It just has to be supernatural, all powerful, and present in your life.

If you don't want to call yourself an atheist, fine, invent all sorts of flowery words to describe what you are. I believe Daniel Dennett likes the term "Bright" because it sounds positive and affirming.

But you cannot change the meaning of a word by wishing it wasn't so. If you really want to be a Theist, believe what Theists believe. If you don't, don't.

>>2554262
I take it you use "Simple" to mean "Rational".


Look, this isn't hard. There is a word which means a thing, and another word that means everything that is not the first thing. You fall under one of the two descriptors. You can have further descriptors if you want, but you necessarily fall under one of the first two.

>>2554272
herrrrrrrr

you are implying the act of belief is like an on/off switch, with no transition at all.

you oversimplify things because it makes things easier to understand.

>>2554277
Belief IS an on or off switch. You can't just believe in Jesus a LITTLE BIT.

You either do, or you don't. You either DO take pieces of wood and make them into chairs and tables for a living, or you don't.


This isn't some thing I think because it makes the world easier to think about. There are a LOT of distinctions with subtle nuances to them, but this just isn't one of them.

>>2554283

now you're just evading. how does it feel to live a life of intellectual dishonesty?

>>2554283
You are so simple it is awesome. I want to pet you on the head.