I once cooked potato soup and warmed up some bread on the engine cover of a 94 pontiac grand prix when the wheel fell off on the side of the road in a blizzard. The tire didn't go flat, the whole wheel and brake assembly came off at about 40 mph. We miraculously managed to pull it safely on to the berm and call AAA who said it would take about 3 hours for the tow truck to get there (Wisconsin, mid January).
We kept the engine running for warmth and had just gone grocery shopping.

It actually tasted pretty good, just took a really long time to get fully heated.

Hanging out with some friends, we wanted to roast some marshmellows, but didn't have the shit available to make a decent bonfire, so we just put the marshmellows on some sticks, and held a lighter under them.
ghetto shit, but it was good times

>>1705632
How's that butane poisoning working out for you?

>>1705634
nah its cool, we had a couple zippos

Hmm... I've never done it in the "authentic" way, but there's a Finnish recipe called "rosvopaisti" or "robber's roast".

The recipe goes like this:

1) Steal someone's sheep. Lambs for less but more tender and mild-tasting meat.

2) Dig a pit big enough for the carcass, wall it with stones, and light a fair-sized campfire in it.

3) Butcher, briefly hang and clean the animal, but leave the fur on the carcass.

4) Stuff with whatever herbs you can find in the nature around you. Wrap and tie the animal in such a fashion that the carcass forms a neat bunch with the wooly skin covering all outside surfaces.

5) Roll the wrapped carcass in a puddle of thick mud and clay.

6) Put the clay-covered carcass in the pit. Cover with hot coals, then bury the pit. Wait for a few hours.

7) Extract the cooked sheep, now inside a tidy makeshift clay urn containing all the flavor and juices, from the pit. Crack the clay surrounding it carefully, and collect the juices. Then tear away the clay surrounding the carcass. The wool and skin, firmly attached to the clay, will come off nice and easy as well.

8) Nom.

>>1705642
that sounds disgusting, but i'd still try some of that

>>1705646
That's what SHE SAID!!!

HEY-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

weaved, (wove) a grill from split bamboo and cooked a fish i speared with the same bamboo pole
started the fire with a spark from a battery and some dried seaweed

true story...

>>1705724

Les Stroud?

I once made a milkshake out of an icecream sandwich and milk in a mixer. Woohoo?

>>1705726

If nothing else, it was inspired by him.

>>1705726
/whois les stroud?

this just happened last weekend, took a couple (4) Lortabs, and drank 1.5 L Yellowtail Chardonnay ended up in a National Park after the gate was locked

>>1705626

Fun and quite functional stoves. However, if you're going to translate an illustrated how-to from whatever language to english, have a native english speaker proof read or write it for you....

AKA: Pop rivets aren't nails.

>>1705735

Google "Survivorman". He had a show on Discovery where he'd go out into the wild and survive on his own, carrying a bunch of camera gear, for 5 days.

He's done something similar to that.

I once boiled some water on an electric range. God it was terrible.

>>1705617
OP: MacGyver hates guns. :P

I made this, quite some time ago. You may remember it.

>>1705808
I call bullshit

>>1705840
lol awake magazine.

>>1705780
;___;

>>1705840
lulz, you took all that effort to cook a bloody poptart.... which is fine and dandy served cold. FAIL.

>>1705743
If you're going to give grammar lessons, have someone who knows grammar proofread or write it for you...

AKA = Also Known As. Homonym for "alias". What you're looking for is "ex.", abbreviation for "example". Ex. We went to Chicago, AKA "The Windy City".

Another commonly misused abbreviation in the same vein as the above two is "i.e.", short for "id est". Literally, Latin for "that is". To use it correctly it helps to think of it as meaning "in other words" or "that is to say". Ex. We all had fun at the family reunion this year (i.e. Uncle Ted didn't wound anyone with a firearm this time).

>>1706040
Oh fuck. Wrote homonym instead of synonym. I fail...

MOAR

>>1706039
>cold
>poptart

Now who fail?

Hollow out an onion, put egg in one half, put on other half, stick in wet paper bag, let sit over hot coals.

If it's a vidalia onion, you can pull off the tougher skin and eat the "poached" egg with the onion still intact. I salted mine and threw some malt vinegar over it. Best camping egg ever.

>>1706915
You crack the egg in the onion half, by the way.

i was hiking and decided to rest.
caught 3 fish out of a stream with a pop can and fishing kit from an emergency pack.
found an old chain link gate
made a pit and burned a fire down to coals
I put the gate over the pit and grilled the fish with seasoning packets from some ramen.
it was surprisingly good

>>1705936
That's the same actor, but not the same character.

MacGyver: smart guy, hates guns
Jack O'Neill: Meat head/jock, loves guns

I think that's the exact opposite.

>>1705642
There is a similar Chinese version, called Beggar's Chicken. The story goes along the line of this. A homeless, starving beggar is wandering along a road when he catches sight of a chicken. Desperate for food, he kills the chicken by wringing its neck. Lacking a stove, he covers the chicken in mud, makes a fire and bakes it. (One version has him plucking the feathers off the chicken as he eats).

At this point an Emperor passes by with his entourage. Attracted by the aroma of the baked chicken, he stops and dines with the beggar, demanding to know how he created such a delicious meal. "Beggar's chicken" is subsequently added to the list of dishes served at the Imperial court.

Now it is served like this:
>most Beggar's Chicken begins with a whole chicken, which is washed, rinsed with wine and then stuffed with onions, ginger, Chinese black mushrooms, pickled cabbage and other preserved vegetables. The chicken is wrapped in huge lotus leaves, packed in cool, wet claylike mud or ceramic clay and then baked for hours in a low oven. When the dish is ready and the hard clay cracked open, the chicken, so tender it falls away from the bone, releases a steamy fragrance that is truly memorable.

Step 1: grab random edible object(s)
Step 2: microwave for 30 seconds-2 minutes (depends on ingredients)
Step 3: pour on appropriate sauce.

It's the Risk Meal. Nine times out of ten it ends with vomit.