| >> |
06/26/09(Fri)07:02 No.1027796
File : 1246014131.jpg-(97 KB, 450x758, 19c3aaf51235933d142039973e003a(...).jpg)
 I
don't have any friends outside the internet, and the few I've found
have become extremely estranged. Not that we knew each other well to
begin with; I'm socially retarded by all means. I don't even know how I
made it past 'hello.'
Once, while I was in school, my teacher
told the class a story about the misadventures she and her friends had
growing up. Not all of the class was listening, but watching the part
that paid attention to her hit me like a ton of bricks. They were all
smiling fondly, sitting amongst people they themselves had known since
childhood, obviously reminded of their own encounters.
I
realized that I was the only one in the room who didn't have that. It
was like time stopped just for me. I'd worked so hard to get to where I
am-- I made it to school, I could interact with people (somewhat)...
but none of that mattered. There was no way I could keep up with
everyone else. None of my progress made any difference; in the end, I'm
just defective.
I guess it wouldn't hurt as bad if I felt
needed. Or, at least if the person I'm dependent on could look at me
and feel anything other than disgusted tolerance. I want friends. I
don't want to be extraneous information any more. But.. I don't even
know how. It's like I was made different or something-- like everyone
has some sort of secret pheromone about them that lets them immediately
recognize each other as human beings, but I was born without it.
My
biggest fantasy would be to chase lightning with someone. Just wait
until a big storm hits, drive around the hills until we hear thunder a
reasonable distance away, then sit in the rain and watch the lightning
in comfortable silence. A hug would be nice, too. |
