When hinges creak in doorless chambers...

and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls...

Whenever candlelights flicker... where the air is deathly still...

That is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight.

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion.

And pedobear>>301234937

I am your host. Your -ghost- host.

Kindly step all the way in, please, and make room for everyone. There's no turning back now.

Our tour begins here, in this gallery, where you can see paintings of some of our guests in their corruptible, mortal state.

RIDE THE TRAIN OF SPOOKY SPPOOKS WITH SPPOOKS AND THEIR SPOOKS CHILDREN AND THEN GET OFF AND PAY 9 DOLLARS FOR A HOTDOG AND GET TOUCHED BY A MAN IN A MOUSE COSTOOOME

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis.

Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm?

Is instead of being a faggot and going to disneyland I can be a faggot and stay home?

And consider this dismaying observation: This chamber has no windows... and no doors.

Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find... a way out!

Of course, there's always MY way...

Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely. The real chills come later. Now, as they say, "look alive", and we'll continue out little tour.
And let's all stay together, please.

There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have nine-hundred and ninety-nine happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand. Any volunteers?

If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer!

>>301234548
i read niggers instead of hingers
i shat bricks

And now, a carriage approaches to take you into the boundless realm... of the supernatural.
Take your... "loved ones" by the hands, please, and kindly watch your step.

Oh, yes, and no flash pictures, please! We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights.

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please; I will lower it for you.
And heed this warning: the spirits will materialize - only - if you remain quietly seated at all times.

We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills.

Shhh... Listen...

All our ghosts have been... dying to meet you. This one can hardly contain himself.

Unfortunately, they all seem to have trouble getting through. Perhaps Madame Leota can establish contact. She has a remarkable head for materializing... the disembodied...

Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they're at.

Rap on a table, it's time to respond: send us a message from somewhere beyond!

Goblins, and ghoulies, from last Halloween: awaken the spirits with your tambourine.

Creepies, and crawlies, toads in a pond, let there be music from somewhere beyond!

Wizards, and witches, wherever you dwell: Give us a hint by ringing a bell.

The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations, and are beginning to materialize. They're assembling for a... swinging wake. And they'll be expecting me.
I'll see you all a little later.

this is word for word what is said in disneys haunted mansion

teh fuck

When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake,
Spooks come out for a swinging wake,
Happy haunts materialize,
And begin to vocalize,
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide,
Or a silly spook may sit by your side,
Shrouded in a daft disguise,
They pretend to terrorize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes
Start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell,
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell
Restless bones etherealize,
Rise as spooks of every size
MuhuhuhahaHAHAHAHAHA

Ah, there you are. There's a little matter I forgot to mention:
Beware... of hitchhiking ghosts!

They have selected you to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return. Now I will raise the safety bar, and a ghost will follow you home!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

If you would like to join our jamboree,
There's a simple rule that's compulsory:
Mortals pay a token fee.
Rest in Peace, the haunting's free!
So hurry back, we could like your company.

Hurry baaaaaa-aaack, hurry baaaa-aaack.

Be sure to bring your - death - certificate... if you decide to join us.

Make final arrangements now; we've been - dying - to have you.

*Fin*