Kelvin u say, eh?

hahahaha... not funny...

yes i get the joke.

0 kelvin i get it!

another one:

Big Bang: there was nothing........ and then exploted

neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink
neutron asks bartender "how much?"
bartender says "for you, no charge"

I can travel through time and I do ... at the unremarkable rate of one second per second.

Drinking too much mountain dew reduced my stroke volume.

lol, nice one. 0K

A gold atom walks into the bar, the bartender looks up and says 'AY YOU!'

>>>/sci/

>>209268914

Haha!

>>209269074
wat

two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street.
electron 1: "oh no, i've lost my electron!"
electron 2: "are you sure?"
electron 1: "im positive."

>>209268914

THERE CAN BE NO LOOSE NEUTRONS!! GOD DAMNIT NOOOOOO

>>209268914

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love Irish jokes.

>>209269170

>implying people can't post whatever they want on the random board

The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'. A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

>>209269275

My chemistry teacher always used to tell this joke, but he would say "pussitive" so we remember the difference between cations and anions.

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows).' In the middle of it, the experimentalist says 'Wait a minute', studies the chart for a second, and says, 'Oops, this is upside down.' He fixes it. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...'.

>>209268419
What do you get when to cross U232 with Preparation H?
Atomic Piles

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

>>209269591

Haha quality

>>209268914
>>209268914

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'

THOMSON ST780
Network Error...


Your requested host could not be reached. Click on the link below to retry.
http://www.ripway.com/

>>4336529

>>209268419
lol

Informatician-student sees a hot female and walks over to commence touching her breasts.

She pushes him away and angrily yells: "Stop it, that's private!"
The informatician responds - confused: "But I thought we were in the same class?"

YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR...
if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
if you enjoy pain.
if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.'
if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.
if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
if you always do homework on Friday and Saturday nights.
if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
if you think in 'math.'
if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
if you have a pet named after a scientist.
if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.'
if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
if you are completely addicted to PhysLink.com.
if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.'
if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
if the 'fun' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier.
if you understood more than five of these indicators.
if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

>>209270807

Let me guess, your mom just sent you this in your e-mail?

Q: Which right-hand rule do students use on bad physics professors?
A: Step 1: Extend your right arm forward from the elbow. Step 2: Keeping your palm facing to the left, stick out your middle finger. Step 3: Rotate your hand 90 degrees clockwise

>>209271372
(is mad because he cant even copypasta off the internet)

>>209271372
lol u mad

Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists:

(1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else.
(2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.
(4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.
(5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as "string miracles".)
(6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less.
(7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience.
(8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.
(9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.
(10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

In summary, anything in string theory that theoretically can go wrong will go wrong, but if nothing does go theoretically wrong, then experimentally it is ruled out.

>>209268419
0K is -273.15*C. Just saying. :)

Two protons are talking to eachother. One says to the other " I think I have the flu.." the other asks " Are you sure?", "Yes, I'm positive."

>>209271372

>>90190

Johnny was a science boy but Johnny is no more,
what Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4.

>>209272543
>this thread

>>1086036

>>209269126

fookin lawld

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
[spoiler]Pavlov, just checking.[/spoiler]

a room-temperature superconductor walks into a bar and the bartender says: "we dont serve superconductors of any kind..."

the room-temperature superconductor left without any resistance whatsoever.

your jokes are so retarded even i, who never went to college, get all of them

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
[spoiler]Pavlov, just checking.[/spoiler]

Want to spam 4chan like me? Get the tool here! http://rainyrivercereal.com

:)

>>3037088

>>8926719

>>209273936
flourine Uranium

“A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"”

ITT: anon types "Science jokes" into google

>>2158569

2 pharmcists decide to have a drinking contest. the first one says, "I will drink h2o". The second parmacist replies, "very well, I'll drink h2o too.

needless to say, the 1st pharmacist won.

no one ever gets this one:

A polar bear jumps into a pool, and instantly dissolves.

Number one once told pi to get rational. Pi replied: "Get real!"

>>209274740
aka icebear

>>209274740

>>209274731

lol'd

>>209274740

Chemistry isn't very esoteric, so plenty of people could get that joke.

>>209269897
nice!

>>209274740

The nonpolar bear would've been fine...

>>209275004
Number one is already real. Fail joke translation.

>>209274382

oh man, thats one of my favorites!