Campus Security: Where did you get that tree?
Me: (Drunk carrying 6 foot foot tree that I pulled out of the ground): From my jedi master, you fucking noob.

lol

Officer: You can't just "chill" in the back of QFC, that's tresspassing.

Me (trippin balls): Aww man, but I really like it here.

Police: "Have you got any pot?"

Me: "No I usually leave it at home"

Officer: What the hell are you doing?

Me (after trying to tear down the 'K' off a starbucks sign so i could give it to a friend called Kieran): Why nothing at all officer!

Officer: Where did you get that chair? (i'd stolen it from a pub)

Me: I'm going to be honest with you officer, I found it right here under this sign.

Officer: Well thats ok then, I'm going to take down your details though.

Me: Oh, not a problem officer! You know, I've always wanted to become a policeman, how exactly would I go about this?

Officer goes off on a huge lecture about how he joined the police. I walk off halfway through.

I'm in this bar when two police guys walk in. I'm very drunk. One of the officers looks like he's 16.

So I walk up to him and ask he's old enough to be in this bar, and if I can see his ID.

Him and his buddy then hurl me out into the street and threaten me with throwing my ass in jail over night.

After psychotic episode I was forced to have a psychiatric evaluation with police officer present.

Dr "How often do you smoke weed?"

Me "As often as possible?"

Dr "Are you stoned now?"

Me "NO!! That's why I'm in such a bad mood"

Dr "Do you want to smoke now?

Me "Of course, do you have any?"

Dr "No, but we have other medications that we can probably give you to help you sleep"

Me "Will the give me the munchies?"

Dr "No, not really"

Me "No thanks, they must be shit"

wow ive never seen a samefag so desperate for lulz

When I was on vacation on Gran Canaria, the officers escorted us to our hotelroom and asked for my passport, then he just stood there and wrote down the information or something, it took him 10 minutes, so I just asked: Are you painting a picture!?

http://ketiva.com/News_and_Events/the_state_of_the_union_addresswhat_to_expect_from_the_president.ht
ml

heavenlycuff62

>>192226862
how long have you been on /b/?

Me: OP is a faggot

Officer: indeed

inb4 "Problem, officer?"