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11/28/09(Sat)22:03:29 No.178148598 File1259463809.jpg-(5 KB, 160x160, 112579844801801.jpg)
There are diamonds here.
At the bottom of my self-inflicted pit of despair and isolation, they glitter faintly in the muck.
They
are the bits of knowledge I gain and lessons I learn by sifting though
the mire of emotional debris in my little hovel. I don't find them very
often, and when I do, the discovery is always preceded by significant
pain as I dig through the murky pool of loss and worthlessness that
I've felt every day since she left me.
Each time I find one, I hold it up over my head so the light that filters through the clouds above dances in its structure.
These
little bits of knowledge - of insight into myself - are the reason I
keep going even when I feel like my continued existance on this planet
is without meaning or purpose.
Even at my lowest point, I am learning. From learning comes growth. Growth ultimately makes me a better person.
As
much as this sucks, I know that right now, right this second, in all my
misery, I am a better person than I was when she was with me. I have
learned, grown, and matured a great deal in the black months that have
passed since March, and that progress is all the more valuable because
of the price at which it was purchased.
While she continues to
live in her world of denial and dysfunction, I have the courage to
examine my own shortcomings head-on, learn from them, and go forward.
Though I may grit my teath and squeeze my eyes shut in pain, I am
proving, every day, that I am better than her.
She doesn't deserve the gift that I so freely gave her - that she so carelessly threw away. I deserve better than her.
Yea,
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Stacie, I will fear
no evil, because I'm twice the man I was before now that she's not
dragging me down. |