This general antipathy towards dad pretty much means than whenever I receive a call from him (I never call) or receive gifts from him, it actually knocks my day down by a few pegs and leaves me really stressed.

On the other hand, I do love mom a lot, but the thing for me is that during those awful years in middle school and high school, particularly those last 2 years, she vented to me a lot because there was no one else she could go to. She vented about how dad was really being shitty, about how we were on the edge of a cliff, lots of things. It really tore down my regard for dad over the course of years (probably rightly so given later events) and filled me with a lot of despair since I felt like I had no control over our deteriorating life situation as a high schooler and felt that I had no one to go to myself.

Fast forward to today. I have a lot of resentment against dad. Mom's favorite thing to hit me over the head with when she berates me is to bring up how much of a shithead dad was and then find a way to draw connections to me. During one of these sessions, I finally let on to her that I've been purposely ignoring dad's call for years to snub him, and that I've been throwing away his gifts so I can feel comfortable taking a swing at him as revenge for the things he did and the horrible shit he said to mom.

This has happened a few times now. Mom tells me that I have to still be a good son and be respectful to dad. Her way of telling me not to be consumed by this resentment is by trying to convince me that I didn't actually suffer because we didn't lose the legal battle, which I consider bullshit because of all the despair that ate at me back in those days.

I understand that I need to be able to overcome this, and mom has my best interests at heart. But part of me feels that she was the one that made me into this. I think it is tough for the poisoner to try to just wish away the damage. For her to basically try to convince me to drop everything and convincing me that those years in middle school and high school were hunky dory really really incenses me as well.

This has led me on an increasing trend of just trying to avoid any conversations regarding immediate family. This also manifests as unwanted daydream sessions dwelling on the past, wanting to take a swing of revenge against dad, and stewing in resentment for how mom wants me to drop it all.

How do I work at bringing a measure of peace to my mind regarding family? I feel that the way I'm going now is unhealthy, but I need a way out. I can't bring this up to relatives because I need to preserve the fiction of a peaceful household, and I don't want to burden my friends with my family. Moreover, I just feel that there is such a stigma against "daddy/mommy issues" that makes me not want to open up to most people about it. Please help me /adv/, I don't know who to turn to or what path I should take out. It's not urgent, I'm not broken yet, but I don't really want these feelings to fester and worsen and potentially cripple me later. Thanks.

I am about to leave for a few hours to take a class, so I will be unable to clarify until 1 or so Central time. Looking forward to hearing from you /adv/, and thanks in advance.

Your thread might 404 before then.

My advice would be to organize a family dinner or get together. Express your anger and resentment to them, get everything out. And you CANNOT swing, it will only make your problem worse. The bad times have passed now and you can't change that. Harboring these feelings does no good for anybody, including yourself. You need some sort of closure with them.

If you do need to swing, and your dad is up for it, offer to go boxing with him at a public ring. After that, go hang out with him, even if you don't like it.