same thing apart from the bullying and shitty dad bit. feels like you need someone to approach YOU and show you that (gay as shit but here goes) friendship IS magic especially when you go through something tragic together. i reckon you didn't get much social experience so every little bit of socializing you do will be a huge thrill.

go for it, tell everyone "i trust you" and open up with'em. if they let you down, they'll be feeling guilty because they lied to a guy who trusted them. if you tell'em "i don't trust you", why should they? they'd do everything to prove your nasty accusations right.

keep calm and play it smooth

When I was in elementary, people always bullied me, I had friends but they didn't really show me respect, I was kind and all but that made me just and exploitable base among them. I only had my bestfriend who was my neighbour as well. It went the same way when I was in secondary school. And my bestfriend betrayed me then just to become more popular amongst others. Because I already had no one to talk with, I ignored his betrayal and tried to stay friends with him. In highschool, because of my height (6 3'), males kinda shown an interest on me because they thought I can play football (soccer for murica) really well and stuff, yet I got no such talents and sorceries. But my kindness worked this time, and I got some friends, and even formed a 4 people squad, until the last year of higschool. Then came another betrayal, and our group disbanded. That developed serious trust issues on me. Now I'm studying graphic&design in a university. People don't my past, they kinda love me, they invite me to pubs and restaurants and stuff. I refuse most of their requests, I try to be alone, and make no friends. I openly tell that to their faces, that they are only acquintances for me and term "friend" is exaggerated between us. That stops them to come closer. But I actually regret it everytime I do that. I was always friendly no matter what and I hate to watch myself becoming some cold hearted fag. So, if you read it this far, here's my suggestion: Do not put obstacle between you and those newly acquired social butterflies. They don't hurt as long as you are aware what's going on around you. Just accept their requests whenever you can, and if you don't want to, find an excuse so they don't think it's because you don't want to hang out with them.

(continues) Slowly make a small social circle for yourself, then try to make a buddy/bro/sis, that can be by your side whenever you need. You can cut your bonds with other unnecessary people after you developed a/few strong bond/s. And then move for a GF/BF so you can learn further humane relationship, and decide if you want it troughout your life or not.

Yup, you do sound depressed, plus you're growing up now. You found that in your new city it's easier to connect with people on some level, even if it's superficial. That's still significant change. Keep on with it. You will often find that you manage to have good times despite those times not being amazingly good. On balance, what do you have to lose? People you don't deeply care about might not like you? So fucking what? On the other hand, opening up a little you might find that people respond to that.

Look, as men, we are destined to spend 95% of our times tending to our obligations, and only 5% towards things we actually desire doing. Building friendships in a strange place will be like that until you make a connection with someone. Really, time spent in social conversation is rarely time completely wasted, so long as you benefit from it and find something to enjoy, even if that enjoyment is just keeping the loneliness at bay. In the meanwhile though, you have to shake off the depression if you want to actually get more out of life. That's your battle to win or lose.

>>12172541
"just an exploitable"
"don't know my past" damn >.<