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We managed to get back together and resume our happy relationship. I even found out that the only reason she broke up with me was because of some rumor that was spread by my bestfriend in that country. He spreaded the rumor so that me and her would break up and he would have a chance at her. It didn't work in the end.

We lived together in Asia for another 2 years until by some stroke of miracle, she got pregnant. A baby boy. We got married and then I stayed for awhile longer to take care of our child. Then one day we both realized that the money we both make in her country was not enough to sustain the child's needs. Therefore, I went back to my home country in the states and promised to her that I will take her there someday.

Now the long distance relationship problems got even more intense when I went back. We argued more and talked less. One argument we had, she ignored me for 2 straight weeks and never answered any of my calls or texts. I was scared and paranoid. I missed her and I wanted to talk to her. Now, this is the part where it gets really shitty.

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I met a girl in the states named Maya(Not her real name). We were friends at first. This girl was blazing hot and sexy as all fuck. She was young, too! Like, fresh meat. She was also nice, caring and wonderful. If I had to rate myself and her, I was a 4/10 and she was a 9/10. Every time me and my wife would fight, she would come over to my house and console to make me feel better. She would often take care of me and talk to me late at night so that I would not get paranoid thinking. I should have known to just stay away from her from the beginning. After 3 weeks of not getting any kind of response from my wife, I went binge drinking due to depression and sadness. I couldn't contain myself. Then one night, I heard my doorbell rang and when I opened the door, I saw Maya standing there, worried.

She asked me "Is everything alright, Kenneth?(Not my real name)."
I told her "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."
She said "Is the fight with your wife again? If it's okay, could I stay here and make sure nothing happens to you? I'm really worried about you."

So I let her in.

We talked for a while and before I knew it, I was crying unto her shoulders and asking her why my wife has to be this way. She consoled me and then before I knew it, she started kissing me. One thing led to another and we were on the bed getting it on. The next morning, I felt my very first guilt sex. I swore to myself NEVER to let my wife know about this and I had to break it off with Maya. Maya told me that she loved me for so long and that she would do anything for me. But I love my wife too much to replace her and everything that had happened between Maya and Me were a grave mistake to begin with.

So I sort of broke it off with Maya. She went home crying.

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After a week, my wife called me and apologized about everything. We resumed our relationship like nothing ever happened. I went back to Asia to visit my family but after facing my wife's innocent smile, I couldn't bear to keep everything a secret anymore. So I told her. We both cried and I promised to her NEVER to do it ever again. She forgave me for what I did and told me that if I ever do it, she'll leave me. I took that as a chance to change my life and turn it back around. After 2 weeks in Asia, I went back to the states to work again.

After a year, I finally managed to sort out my wife and kid's paperwork and bought two tickets so I can finally be with them in the states. When I fetched them at the Airport, my wife didn't even give me a kiss or say "I love you" or "I missed you so much" since we both haven't seen each other for a whole year.

When we went back to my place and finally settled in, my wife was quiet. Almost too quiet. She wasn't very affectionate. At first I assumed that she was just busy putting the kid to sleep so that we would have time for each other later on. But after the kid went to sleep, she took out the iPhone I bought for her and started Facebooking. She posted a status of how she MISSES her family and friends and even wrote "I love all of you" in the end. Naturally, I turned green with envy and then jealous. I went through all that hard work to bring my family here and I don't even deserve that?! That's bullshit.

I tried talking to her about it and she told me that she was still hung over the fact that I cheated on her.

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I told her "It's been a year! Let it go! For us! For our child! For our family! I worked so hard to get you two here and now you're gonna start acting this way? If you were planning to be like this, then you shouldn't have forgiven me in the first place when I asked you to. I don't like the fact that you forgave me for what I did and then someday, when you mess up, you're gonna rub it in my face that I deserve it too because I did it to you back then. This isn't fair! I admitted I was wrong. I didn't try to hide it or take it to my grave. I wanted to be completely honest with you. How could you be like this? Right now? When our family is here and complete? What? Are you gonna pull a fast one on my someday? Are you planning to take revenge on me after what I did to you? Are you gonna do it when I'm in my least vulnerable state?"

She never said a word. She only told me "I need more time to heal so that I could show you the love and affection I used to show you back then. Right now, I'm still healing."

I told her "Until when? WHEN? Please tell me. I don't wanna live the rest of my life knowing that you're gonna make your revenge on me or knowing that you might never move on. Please tell me now."

And this is the haunting case of my paranoia.

Please help me. I can't eat. I can't sleep every night because I'm thinking too much of this.

Bumping for good justice.

That is one huge wall of text yo. I ain't reading that shit.

>>12199941

Then you could have just left it alone, man.

You fucked up by cheating you idiot. Did you ask her if she stiII wanted to come over? You probabIy shouId have just broke it off with her way back when. I wouId not be surprised if she Ieft you now.

Dear Anon,
I have no experience in relationships, or experience in consoling those who have put themselves through hardship like this to help family.
Just a disclaimer, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

If I'm reading this correctly, your wife is of Asian descent... Meaning that she before you, before herself, before the rest of her family will
care and love your baby boy. She will go through hell and back to make sure he is ok. Most would do the same. If the marriage is rocky,
she will stay, she may be distant, cold and withdrawn. This is not to hurt you, but to protect herself. I'm sure she's dying inside...

You did the wrong thing.

You have to accept that, and you have taken responsibility. You have paid thousands of dollars to move your family to the US to be
together. And yet you have not atoned in her eyes.

She feels obliged to come along for her son. Your son.

Don't get me wrong, she shouldn't behave this way its eating you up inside. She says she's still healing. I know it's hard, but think about
it from her perspective...

She's been taken out of her home, flown thousands of kilometres across an ocean, and is now living in a new country where she may
be completely out of her depth. She's going to feel lonely, isolated and scared to some level. It's your job to be her rock when she's
frightened.

>Cont'

Cont' from >>12199990

Back to your perspective.

You have your family together, finally. Everything is coming into place, you will have your son in school now (I assume). And yet
something is missing, your wife's love. Remember, she still loves you, she might not be sure why now though...
-Don't let it affect your son. Let him grow up in a house where his parents can look each other in the eye and say "I love you"

Anon, let her be for now. Talk to her, let her open up to you. Talk about anything, everything. Plan events together, take your son
out together. Teach each other why you fell in love in the first place and show her, no matter what, she cannot be replaced.
Show her she is special, take every opportunity to do so. Take her out on a date again, like you would have in Asia. Show her parts
of the US with her son that she wouldn't have seen before. Remember your anniversary, birthdays, cultural events (say Chinese New
Year or something appropriate).

This is going to be a lengthy process. She's going to have to learn to trust you again. All over again. Think about when you've had your
trust in someone you love broken. Remember the hurt, the pain you felt to know that they had schemed behind your back, or acted
on your ignorance. That's what she's going through.

If you can't eat, I suggest taking one for the team and forcing yourself to eat anyway.
If you can't sleep, I suggest trying some more conventional methods of getting to sleep, relaxing music or a glass of warm milk,
perhaps even not working so late into the evening (if you happen to do that).
You need your energy to be a family man.

Lastly, show her you love your son, your baby. Be strong for him, and be strong for your wife.
It's your duty. Do your best, and you cannot go wrong.
My father has always told me, If you can put your hand on your heart and say you did your best, that's all anyone can ever ask for.

>>12199993
Oh, and I forgot to say,

Good luck,
Signed Anon.

Unfortunately I don't see a good ending to this.

She is now alone, away from her family and friends in a strange country. This puts a big strain on a marriage.

Add to that the fact that you cheated. #2 strain.

Add to that the fact that while you were separated she went silent. Chances are she was doing the same thing you were... getting some strange on the side. Now she misses it.

Add to those the fact that you two lived together, then had a break, then lived together, then had a break, and are now living together. You are used to taking breaks from each other so when dos the next break come?

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>We resumed our relationship like nothing ever happened.

Anybody who just flat out ignores you for 3 weeks after an argument and then expects everything to be back to normal is either extremely stupid or childish, she is to blame partly for your cheating as well.

Personally, I don't see this ending well and think you should call Maya again.

>>12199990

Goddamn it, Anon. You just made me cry and tear up.

I know what I did is wrong and I know that when I accidentally cheated on her, it was still wrong. When we talked about it, I told her that I WILL atone for my sins and I WILL prove to her that I love only her.

But so far, ever since she came to the US, all she ever talk about is missing her family and friends back home. I even told her "Did it ever cross your mind that I waited years for us to be together, I made tremendous efforts to change myself so that the past would not reoccur, and I also worked tirelessly to provide for you and our son's needs? Have you ever thought about the fact that during the entire course of our long distance relationship, I was scared. Lonely. I wanted you. I wanted our son. I needed my wife's love. I needed her touch. Her sweetness. Can't I have it all back again? If God was kind enough to forgive the human race for everything we've done, don't I deserve a second chance at this? Please. Don't be like this. You don't know how much it affects me when your friends see that instead of posting pictures of our family on Facebook, finally reuniting together, you post self photos, telling everyone how lonely you are and broadcasting how you missed your family and friends. While here I am, posting on my Facebook, celebrating the fact that my wife and son is here now, with me. Don't you know how much this is hurting me? Don't you know how much this is affecting my life? I can't eat and I can't sleep because of you. I keep thinking about you. Will our marriage ever gonna work?"

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice, Anon.

>>12199870 (OP)

You're a selfish child. Have you ever been cheated on? The fact that she forgave you at all is incredible, she should be allowed to be mad as long as she wants. You should've moved her to the states sooner, moving back and forth on the poor girl, a part time boyfriend, really? Then there's Maya. A girl you found attractive from the beginning. YOU put yourself there, with an attractive girl at an indecent hour. It can take years to get over infidelity so expect it to come up again.


>>12199990

Is right, she's doing this for your son over anything else.

Also, it's extremely hard to leave your family and culture. You should know from when you first went to hers. Getting butthurt that she's homesick just makes you sound like more of a spoiled brat.

Humble yourself, show her the respect she deserves

>>12200043

I posted:
>>12199990
>>12199993

You are not a bad person, but you cannot talk to her like that. When I read it, it comes across as 'weak' and somewhat
selfish. Yes this is about you, but this is also about a marriage that might come apart at the seams if you keep tugging
at it like this.

Don't think about it in terms of being so close and yet so far.
Change perspective, this is a chance, the first chance in a year. A whole year to love each other again. Perhaps take
things slow again, from the top. Take her out as if it were her first date maybe. Take her to a zoo, or something fun,
exciting even (not theme-parks, not at your age with a small child).

She will stay. Of this I'm almost certain. But make it for you, and not your just son. Don't do it just for you, do it for her
and your son. Remember a family is only as strong as its weakest member.
By helping her to love you again, she well. Will love you again. But I don't think you'd be doing it for the right reasons.

Oddly, there is an older Simpsons episode that touches on this. Yes its shit quality and sped up but:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNKXjg1oH9M
>And Maggie Makes 3

Just to reiterate, the post this is replying to needs to never be phrased like that again. Instead of talking about how you
moved Heaven and Earth to bring her to the US, talk about how you're in a land of opportunity, or how soon you will
be able to pay for a trip back, or something.

Treat her well Anon, Just remember you're the one atoning to wrongdoing here, not your wife.
If not for her, your son. I'd hate to see a child's life ruined because of this.

Signed Anon.

>>12200052

Yes, I HAVE been cheated on. I know how she feels that is why I've been understanding of her situation until now. But please, put yourself in my shoes for once.

Back when I was still in my early 20s, I was a perfect 10. I had everything in order. I could literally have any girl I want. I'm not bragging about this. I'm stating the truth. When me and my wife first started dating, she knew about this too. In fact, she was always jealous over the fact that I kept getting random phone calls and messages from girls. Confessions from other women, in which I rejected all of them in favor of HER. I loved this woman with all of my heart.

Yes, I fucking cheated. I didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident. I was in a state of severe loneliness, depression and anxiety. A person was there to console. This person made me feel secure, loved and cherished. Something I expected my wife to make me feel. Whatever happened to "Give and Take" relationships? I gave her everything. Financial, Emotional, Moral and even physical support. Every kind of support you could think of. I helped her family steadily rise up from poverty. I gave her the life that even her neighbors envied. Fuck, even my wife's neighbors were jealous of her. I would sometimes get invited to my neighbor's house to "drink" and "have fun". Most of the people are women. I was treated like a fucking celebrity because I worked hard for my money, my looks and my life.

My wife even requested for me to fatten up. I was like "Why?" and she told me "Because I don't want other girls/women liking you. I want you to be with me and just me."

I even complied to that request. I'm not the good-looking, handsome, well-off guy I was back then. Most of my financial assets are now named to my wife. I let go of myself so that no girls would ever find me attractive so she could have me all by herself.

Now look at my situation now.

I'm fat. I'm broke(Most of my stuff and money are hers now) and I feel more alone than ever

>>12199993
This is the most touching advice I've ever seen on this board.

>>12200104

I am doing it for our son, man.

Since I can't spend quality time with my wife, I make up for it by spending all of my time with my son. It's just really hard to accept the fact that after she got to the states, she starts getting cold and distant on me. She's always on her iPhone, texting people. Back then, we used to share each other's password on facebook, friendster(it was the thing back then) or anything that had a password/passcode on it. Now, every time I ask her if she could teach me her passwords, she would just reply with "Can't you just respect my privacy, please?"

I'm like "Since when did we started with this whole respecting privacy thing? We ALWAYS share everything together."

In the back of my mind, I know she's hiding something. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid and I'm starting to suspect/doubt her with things that might not exist. Actions speak louder than words. She doesn't have to tell me she doesn't love me, she's showing it. She doesn't have to tell me she may be talking to another guy, she shows it.

I want us to get back to what we used to be.

I wanted her to go to the US because she LOVES me. Not just because of our son, but because she LOVES me. She shouldn't be obligated.

>>12200124
You do not need to get so upset. You know what it's like to be in her shoes, but the one line to take from that,
the ONE line is "Humble yourself".

Yes you didn't mean to, but the fact remains that you did. If you're fat, I'd say start working out again, become
the man you once were. If your wife asks why, respond with "I want to be the man you fell in love with" so we
can start all over.

Push yourself, for her, for your son. You went through hell and back and arrived in once piece. But remember it's
not all for you, its for your wife and son too.

Anon, you need a shift in thinking, from "I'm in pain" to "My family needs me". If you can provide for them, that
will reward you in spade when the time comes.
Just you watch.

It's the hardest at the start. But once you get the train moving, the momentum will carry you through.

>>12200188

Are you a professional? Please tell me you are.

Because you're fucking good at this.

>>12200188

I'm just upset because most of the people I asked for advice, my brother, my sister and some of my friends thinks I'm the bad guy for cheating on her a long time ago. I know what I did wrong and I exerted tremendous amounts of efforts to atone for it. All I wanted was my old wife back. All I wanted was to feel loved again, by the person I swore to God and married. Don't I even deserve a single "I love you" or "I missed you" for everything I've done up until to this point? Have I not earned it? I remember spending countless nights of rigorous overtime at work just so I can get more money and so they could arrive in the states sooner. I remember staying up at night just so my wife would be able to talk to me on Skype. I remember when I sold all of my precious toys that I kept when I was a kid, and all my valuable gadgets and collectibles just so I could buy stuff for our child. I remember I even pawned my car to a friend and had to commute to work for 5 months just so I can pay for her dad's hospital bills when her dad got into an accident.

It's all her, her and her.

Fuck, what about me? What about my efforts? My feelings? My pain?

>>12200164
I respect you, but I mentioned above you need to help her love you again.
You need to start over, teach her to love you. You need to work past your insecurities. At the moment you're coming across as a selfish controlling husband.

You need to change your perspective and how you behave and how you communicate with your wife.

Begin again, from the start. You can't show her you love her by making demands.

You say she still loves you. Show her love isn't unfounded. She will reciprocate when you show her.

>>12200215
Is it bad that I'm not?
I've just a good head for words sometimes. That and having working families is something close to my heart.

First you are an idiot, this is the reason why you don't cheat. It's almost impossible to recover the initial trust, specially for women, they can hold a grudge for decades. But you are an even bigger idiot for admitting that you cheated, theres no reason for doing this besides feeling yourself better, it doesn't help your partner at all. Once you cheat you have to keep the burden for yourself... That shit of admittting it makes you a better person is a fucking lie, you are just being selfish and dont want to live with a lie

>>12200275

I didn't admit to cheating because I don't want to live a life of lie. I admitted because it wasn't fair to her. I admitted because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her, thinking she's married to a perfect husband. I don't want HER to live HER life as a lie. If I can help it, I want to be completely honest with her. I'm a guy with conscience of a man with loose bowels. I'd spill shit to her just by looking at her face. That's why I avoid doing stupid shit like this.

>>12200234

For now, help her. It's not about you. Yes, you are in pain and suffering, But for now, help her.

The reason I keep saying "start over", is that if you can show her that you love her she will reciprocate.
If she loves you, she will reciprocate...

Anon, you have to start today. Buy her some flowers, tell her "I love you", bring home your son a present.
Remember Apu from The Simpsons and how he treated his wife to 14 days of love? Do something! Change
it up, you cannot and will not get anywhere if you stand, stop and whine about things.

I know you're hurting but you must start now. When you get home, give your wife a kiss on the cheek and
tell her you love her.

Just start. Bust a move. Be Romeo again. Make something happen for God's sake.
You're in pain, but get going. You can only do this for so long.

I'd follow this thread further, but I'm fairly sure at this point I'm out of useful things to say.
Signed Anon

>>12200104

I normally don't watch The Simpsons because I think it's a lame show but after watching this episode and seeing the ending, my God, I can't stop myself from crying.

I loved it.

Thank you, Anon.

You've give n me unimaginable hope.

I am going to save this thread and keep it forever. It will remind myself to be more humble, respectful, understanding and caring of my wife and family. I shouldn't be so demanding and I shouldn't be so negative. I should count my blessings and think about others who's had it worse than me.

Thank you so much, Anon.
There is hope for 4chan yet.

I love all of you.

>>12199870 (OP)
My nigga, you should write a book. Chicks dig books about this shit. It can also be therapeutic to write like that , as you may have realized when you made your posts.

Actually, I feel like this might already be a book…

>>12200387

Never thought of it that way, man.

Maybe I will. :)