>>12428666 (OP)
sorry OP

but tons of faggots over the age of 26 still don't have their shit together

I wouldn't ask advice from anyone older than 40

>>12428666 (OP)

Fine, oldfags. Was college worth it? Did you get your dream job or are you still working the salt mines just to get by? Can you buy your own food yet or do you still have food stamps? Are you massively in debt?

Is there a white light at the end of the financial tunnel?

Are there many older men with low sex drives? I know it's hard to find that in young guys but just wondering if that changes as you get older, or if the drive remains high no matter what.

I have a low drive and a ton of hobbies, not really looking for (much) sex, hoping to find somebody similar some day.

>>12428703
I'm 45

>>12428707
Mine hasn't gone down yet

How do you know if a chick is right for you?

>>12428704
The problem comes from the notion that college is absolutely necessary. Unless your major required that you actually go to school, you really don't "need" college. You're better off learning a trade or something unless you need a medical, educational, or other professional license of some sort.

College doesn't guarantee a job, and neither does having a marketable skill for that matter. It ultimately comes down to your ability to market yourself and a little bit of luck.

I have no college debt, but I would be able to manage it had I taken out loans.

On a related note, don't take out loans. Ever.

Two things to get out of the way:
>Don't rush into things
Have enough foresight to know how something will affect you in the long term, rushing into things, particularly relationships is a recipe for disaster.
>Don't let pity guide you
Realize that being completely altruistic will leave you a shell of an individual, and will make you unhappy. You shouldn't do major things like stay in a relationship just because you're afraid of hurting others, especially if you're unhappy.

>>12428703
There are fuckloads of people older than 40 with their heads up their asses too. It's less about grouping people into ages, and more reading into what people are saying and calculating whether their advice resonates from the substance of their experience, or they are talking out of their ass.

>>12428726

I appreciate the input good sir.

>>12428703
agreed, actually.

where the over 40 people at?

>>12428727
Do you get along as friends? Do you share common goals? Are you both dependent?

Relationships need to be goal oriented. There is no "right for you". It's do you enjoy each other and can you augment each other's success based on your current financial and emotional standing.

Just because you both like video games doesn't mean you're going to have a successful relationship.

>>12428704
I was well into my career before I got a degree.
It paid off for me for three reasons
1) I needed no debt to go
2) I was as far in my career as I could go without a degree
3) Because of my experience any degree would do, so I studied what I was interested in

Recently I've come to a point where things seem pointless and somewhat meaningless...
Is this normal?

Secondly, should I get into the home-owners thing asap? The pricing of housing is still rising,
and I don't really know what I should do...

>>12428731
On a related note, don't take out loans. Ever.
/thread

>>12428727
Cohabitation. On a trial basis, of course, but it should really take only a few weeks. How often you fuck or fight will become immensely clear. If you still love your girl just as much as after living with her for a couple of months, you can make a go of it. Otherwise, just split up. Things won't change.

>>12428744
It happens. The answer is to find something new. Pick up a hobby. Make new friends. Do something meaningful like volunteer at a homeless shelter. Spice things up a bit. It's always a passing feeling.

I don't recommend it unless you have some money to invest in real estate. Rent out a condo or something.

There is no point in owning a house unless you absolutely need the space. There's nothing wrong with renting. It's much cheaper and you get the exact same thing you would out of a house.

That's more up to opinion though so whatever works for you. Interest rates will likely go up soon.

If you're over 40, would you date a much younger person, despite the stigma? Maybe if you didn't have kids, weren't married, blah blah blah...

Curious for male and female responses.

>>12428749
Bullshit advice. You can take out loans if you have a plan. Don't rush, think it through.

>>12428764
Forgot to mention that taking out a mortgage makes it so you don't own your own for 20-30 years anyways. I'm an advocate of renting.

I'm 20, in college, and never had a girlfriend. Made love to lots of em but never been in love with one. Is this a bad thing?

>>12428758
Cohabitation before marriage is (statistically) prone to making it less likely that the relationship will last.

>>12428766
see >>12428740

Social stigma doesn't particularly matter when you're an older adult. Plus it seems age gaps are becoming more common these days.

>>12428766
Depends on the person. If I were (God forbid) widowed I would like a wife young enough to have a few kids, so I would date, at least.

>>12428744
> should I get into the home-owners thing asap?
Depends on the down payment you can put and the payments you'd have to make. Rates are low these days, so you can definitely pay about the same as rent, and you get ownership out of the deal. Don't overextend yourself, just buy within your means. You might not need a house, but a condo could work.

>>12428781
second. I've seen these stats in action.

>>12428776
Why would it be?
Personally, I'd be a bit more discerning, but that's me

>>12428776
Not really a bad thing. It's always good to have a shitty relationship or two under your belt before you know how to handle a real relationship, but hey. You still have like 30 more years of fertility. There's no rush.

And so long as anyone you sleep with knows your intentions and is okay with them, sex away. Just be safe about it.

What are your thoughts on depression? I'm currently doing nothing with my life besides investing, have many ambitions but both my mental, and physical problems have prevented me from reaching my goals. It's come to a point where I am unable to function on a daily basis. My main passion is flying and the industry is terrible. You are on duty for 16 hours, get 4-5 hours of sleep, and are paid 16-22k a year for 5-10 years. I'm considering a career in intelligence as well as computer science and IT. But I don't have motivation to do anything. I sit in my chair all day.

>>12428801

I guess I don't really know how to have a relationship. There have been girls I've liked but I don't really know how to move into a relationship with them. I guess I just feel like time is running out going into my 20s and not ever had the experience of having a girlfiend.

>>12428803
what is your daily routine?

>>12428808
Do you want to marry any time soon?

>>12428766
I'm not in the same age group as you're asking (I'm a 27 year old female,) but I personally have always dated guys who are younger than me. Part of it is because I look younger and thus tend to attract younger guys, and part of it is because the older men who are attracted me don't really have anything to offer me.

I predict when I'm 40, I'll still want to date someone younger than me, or at least someone who has a young personality. I find that most men who are older than me (30s+) try to brag to younger women about their jobs and material goods, and I don't want/need that in life. I can take care of myself. I want a partner who I can learn from/share my life with and have the same excitement and inquisitive attitude about life as I do. When you dangle material goods in front of me, it's a major turn off, and most younger men either don't have goods to dangle, or they haven't lost their excitement for other aspects of life.

So, tl;dr, I will probably always date younger men.

>>12428781
I know that survey, and there's clear selection bias. Marriages last less time for couples who began living with their partner before an engagement. i.e. lots of men in that group who don't want to get married in the first place and are forced into marriage later.

>>12428803
Sounds rough. It sucks when it's hard to turn what you enjoy into something profitable.

Situational or physiological depression?

If situational, just wait it out. Do a little each day so that you're more productive. You'll eventually find something that makes you happy.

If it's an actual brain imbalance thing, see about getting some help.

>>12428810
Wake up. Get on the computer. Go to sleep. School? Wake up. Go to school. Get on the computer. Go to bed. I literally do nothing.
>>12428816
Not situational to my knowledge. I just don't remember being happy. I have health problems like hernias as well as other debilitating issues but nothing that warrants me not being able to function like my depression causes.

>>12428815
And?
Does that somehow make cohabitation good?
No, it means it is, at best, neutral so why waste your time?

>>12428812

Not till I'm in my late 20s I guess. But that's the problem. I feel like I need to have a couple of girlfriends beforehand so I can actually compare/contrast when I'm looking for a girl to marry.

>>12428822
Been there. Shit routine and no plans. But you've got to start somewhere.

Start setting little goals for yourself. Even if it's just take a walk or clean a room every other day. Slowly start adding things back until you can start setting more productive goals like putting in applications or researching careers you think you would enjoy. You need to break the routine, but that's of course easier said than done.

Starting out small will at least make it a bit easier to see the larger picture.

Though if you think it goes beyond just being in an unfortunate situation, like I said. Try getting some help. There are therapy free clinics out there.

>>12428822
Yeah.
Start with one thing added to your day, like - read a good book for 20 minutes every day.
Do that for 4 weeks.
Then add something else - walk around the block every day.
Do that (and the reading) every day for 4 weeks.
In the meantime, get up the same time each day, go to bed the same time each night, and get a solid 7.5 - 8.0 hours of sleep every night. Eat 3 square meals and have fruit for snacks.
Email, write, or call one person each week and just stay in touch with someone.
After about 12 weeks of this, write down your long-term goals. Then spend a week figuring out the things you;d need to do to get tot he first long-term goal, then figure out how to get the first step done.
Then start.
Review the steps each week and the plan each month and adjust it as you need to.

>>12428826
Well, that is what dating is for. But if you aren't ready to marry....

>>12428836
>>12428841
look at us

>>12428841
I like you.

>>12428844

In saying I don't have a girlfriend I mean I've never dated a girl or even took one on a date.

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>>12428666 (OP)
OP, I'm here. +1 (26) anon. How can I help?

>>12428841

>>12428836

So... and unrelated poster wants to know what your routines are now.

How do you feel about your lives now, from where you once were?

>>12428859
Meh.
If you really think it is a big deal, go ask a girl tomorrow

>>12428813
since noone else replied to that: i think i'm in love.

Or, at least, i think almost the same as you.

>>12428836
>>12428841
Thanks. I bought a new bike today actually in hopes of going on some trails so this is pretty reassuring. What career are you guys in? Like I said before, I'm looking into intelligence, comp sci and IT, and being a pilot. I'm trying to work on networking but I've only had success meeting alot of people in the game development industry for the most part. How do I work my way into other industries? I know one person that can get me an internship at the CIA but that's about it.

>>12428867
Also, I'm extremely high off of medical grade super sour diesel dabs done on a PHX.

>>12428823
For an oldfag, you are pretty stupid. It doesn't mean "at best" anything, since you have no fucking idea how the bias plays.

The question was how do you know if she's right for you. Cohabitation is a tool for that.

That some people cohabitate to save on rent, then get married because the woman gets either knocked up or pissy or both, even though it's merely out of convenience, and thus fuck up the survey data you so ignorantly bring up, is the "and," faggot.

>>12428895
god you're a douche.

>>12428869
well, except for night where I am either up with a kid or doing monitoring jobs I have soldi routines like this
Wake up
Prayer
Breakfast
listen to BBC news while going through work email (I work from home)
Write the responses I need
review industry news
make follow up calls from previous day
prayer
lunch
prayer
make cold calls
write white papers or marketing materials
get my daily updates from the field
write my report
make my updates to my employer
prayer
leave the home office
take a 1 mile walk
come home to a cocktail and the wife+kids happy to see me
talk with the wife about our day
sit in the keeping room while her and the kids cook dinner
Talk about the news, their schoolwork, etc. over dinner with the wife and kids
Cigar and wine on the porch with the wife
family prayers
watch a movie or read books as a family
everyone to bed for quiet time
read in bed with the wife for 30 minutes
prayers
sleep

>>12428877
Networking networking networking. Once you start feeling better about yourself, it will come easy to you. Get to know people. Turn those groups of devs into projects. Have a nice portfolio put together even if it's for some lame internet project. People in the IT field LOVE that kind of stuff. Can't really speak on the federal sector, but it all comes down to networking. Find people in the field and show them you're marketable.

Sounds like you want to get better. As long as you have that desire, it'll happen. Just hang in there bro.

>>12428869
Most days it's
-wake up
-prepare for work
-work
-come home and relax for about a half hour
-take care of dogs/housework/whatever
-productive project time

At least a few times a week I try and do something productive. Learn a new song. Read an essay. Whatever.

Weekends is recreational/social/video game time.

I love my current schedule and it will only improve as I get my career stuff to where I want it.

>>12428867
Hello friend.

>>12428877
I was army intelligence for 8 years.
I am a technology consultant

>>12428914
Not the same poster as above, but now I like you too.

You keep it real.

>>12428915
What's your job and your work hours? Do you like your work or do you like providing for your family? I'm the type of person that it's very hard, sometimes impossible (long-term) for me to do work that I don't enjoy, yet when it's a topic i'm passionate about or enjoy, I am a prodigy. Yet, some people can do work they hate for year upon year, and some hate their job but are happy by providing for their family and making money.

>>12428823
>calling "wasting time" to the first step of living with the person you love

>>12428918
How'd you like Army intelligence, since I'm looking into something pretty similar? Why didn't you pursue a career in the federal sector of intelligence?

>>12428914
How has religion affected your life? Never really got into it. Not a big fan of organized religion.

>>12428906
Wow. You certainly are over reacting.
First, considering that the GSS and Pew surveys controlled for attitudes and outlooks and that the Murray/Kaufmann also did a multi-variate analysis with controls for initial marriage outlook, you are probably wrong about the bias.
Second, even if the only reports that existed *were* biased, which you have yet to demonstrate, then that bias would have to be rather extreme to mask a positive correlation between non-biased cohabitation and later relationship success. This is highly unlikely.
So, once more - your objection is moot.
How do you determine if a girl is right for you?
That's simple - do you want to marry her? Do you think she will leave you?
If they are 'yes' and 'no' respectively, she's for you.

>>12428932
I work in the financial field. Don't want to go into specifics, sorry.

It's a nice job but I'm only doing it so I can save up and start my own non-profit organization. So it's just a means of getting what I want. Though I don't hate it.

You learn to do what you need to do. People want instant gratification and it makes it that much easier to be unhappy at a job if it's not exactly what you want to be doing. Considering the economy people should be happy just to be pulling money in.

It's a matter of mindset.

What I'm doing now is going to get me a happier future, even though I'm pretty darn happy now. I still have many decades to live and I'm in no rush. I have long and short term goals and so long as I can meet my own quota, I'm good to go.

Mindset is everything.

>>12428933
If you love her AND'you are willing to live with her THEN
cohabitating without marrying her is a waste of time.
If you don't love her, it is a waste of time.
get it?

>>12428908
>god you're a douche.
hahhahahah. I'm an excited and happy douche!

>>12428943
I was completely unchurched until I was 30. I converted at 31 years old.
It has been a very positive experience in my life and my family's life.

>>12428945
>arguing about which way of living is better
>being on support marriage side
>be religious

neutrality?

>>12428966
I'm not aware of the GSS, Pew, or Birkbeck University being religious, are you?

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>>12428966
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

>>12428982
Don't bother talking to them about it, seriously. 4chan likes to tear any peace you've carved for yourself down.

And in a contradictory not, if you're so busy, how do you keep such a close relationship with God? I started school, I work and I study every waking second, so I feel distant all the time. And every four fucking minutes I have people like these dick heads on 4chan telling me why my beliefs are stupid, always wanting to argue with me, every GODDAMN TIME.

how do you even be gracious to assholes like this? seriously?

>>12429004
That's just people. Specially kids on the internet who like to be contradictory. I'm an atheist but I respect religious people because I'm not a tremendous douche.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "don't feed the trolls". There is wisdom in those words. So long as you are confident in what you believe and don't expect others to have the same views, you don't need to justify anything to anyone.

>>12429019
I'm confidant that there is a god, but I'm just as confidant he hates me.

ALL atheists say they respect other peoples beliefs. to this day, I haven't met a single one that hasn't said this.

I'm not looking to justify, I'm not looking for validation. I just wanted to ask someone who had remained close to god how they remained close to god when the whole fucking world is out to get you.

>>12428666 (OP)
Do you really believe it's impossible for a person under the age of 26 to have experienced more than you have?

Were you in the military?
Have you been addicted to drugs?
Were you abused as a child?

How can you say you know more about something in life just because you're older than me?

>Have you experienced the same shit I have?

Looking back, what do you think is important when it comes to having a balanced life? For example, do you think it's better to focus on being social, or climbing for the top in at least a few things?
I'm aware that these things aren't mutually exclusive, I'm just wondering about life balance overall. I'm scared that I've focused on the wrong things, and now I'm in my twenties and have never kissed a woman, nor do I really have a great job or anything.

At what point does male virginity become creepy?

>>12429037
No, I don't. However it's more likely that by this age people would have already gone through and recovered from whatever they did when they were younger.

I'm sure there are bunches of 22 year olds who can teach me all sorts of things about how to recover from drug addiction or what life in the service was like.

>>12429037
It's mostly because of this kind of defensiveness that proves how unhelpful you'll actually be. Can you answer questions about retirement, do you own a house, have you had kids and watched them grow up and they're now out of the house?

No. So, you can't answer these kinds of questions.

>>12428945
> GSS and Pew surveys controlled for attitudes and outlooks
I need proof about selection bias, yet can't even be bothered to link proof about this? Hypocrite much, faggot?

The only publicly available data I can find from Pew just mentions that they *have* some data about attitudes on marriage, and don't explain how they control for bias.

The GSS is a StatsCan survey, which does not provide the kind of analysis you credit it. I can't find the "Murray/Kaufmann" analysis you mention at all.

>Second, even if the only reports that existed *were* biased, which you have yet to demonstrate
OK, I thought it would be obvious based on the fact that it was only couples who weren't engaged before cohabitation, but fine:

The results the Pew analysis presents publicly only make a distinction between engaged before cohabitation and not engaged before cohabitation. The engaged couples who cohabitate first have the exact same divorce rates as those that don't. The source of instability comes entirely from couples who cohabitate without engagement - this is the exact "extreme" bias I was talking about.

This latter group is filled with "cohabitation out of convenience," no matter what the attitudes on marriage are.

Again, so stupid for an oldfag.

>>12429039
Caring about virginity is dumb. The only merit it has is some people would prefer people who know what they're doing in bed. But it REALLY doesn't matter that much.

>>12429038
It's kind of subjective.

Personally I start with the basics. You need food water and shelter to live (granted it's arguable that other people are necessary too but I'll keep it simple). Do you have a plan to keep those things? Great. From there, what makes you happy? Do you want a relationship? Do you feel like you're a good friend? Whatever.

You're young. You have plenty of time to figure things out. There's this notion that you have to lose your virginity by a certain age and you need to be married by a certain age and you need to have a 4 bedroom house by a certain age and you need to have x amount of friends. But it's all just social pressures.

It seems like a much bigger deal than it actually is. As long as you're taking care of yourself (and anyone you're responsible for) you're doing what you need to do. You can always take additional steps to be happier as needed.

>>12429050
>by this age people would have already gone through and recovered
>recovered
My uncle was clean for 17 years from pills after a VERY long addiction and relapsed. I don't believe there is such a thing as recovered.

How to STOP taking them is a completely different thing

Why are you so blind to the current economic conditions?
Do you like to pretend you still pay a dollar a gallon while telling your children that they are worthless to you if they can't get a job washing dishes?

>>12429080
>All old people believe it's 1970

How do you expect anyone to even answer this question seriously? You're criticizing a loud minority of baby boomers.

>>12429080
I feel like this is a reference to another thread... about being worthless and washing dishes.

Why does this sound familiar?

>>12429076
Are we arguing about semantics now?

I said higher chance. Not "all 30 somethings are perfect".

im getting with a new girl, she wants it in without condom. rubbing the tip on her sex. he have intercourse with a condom
next morning it gets hot and heavy again, she slides me in all the way without a condom we fuck for a bit, then the guilt hits and i strap up.
6 months ago i went to the doctors to get out of work, they did a blood test and said "We will call you if anything comes up"

they never called, do you think they would have tested my blood for std's?

they new chick has been checked since the last time she was with someone and told me she is clean, but i have seen no proof of this..

wat do?

>>12429060
>Kids pre-college
What if your child is getting into drugs? Do you know what to look for? What if their friends are?

I am not retired.

I own a house.

>>12429073
>it REALLY doesn't matter that much.
You sure? I'm past twenty, and I've heard "if you haven't lost your virginity by 18, there's something seriously wrong with you" way too many times to stop worrying.

>>12429101
And the world used to be flat.

>>12429095
im not 26, but ive never used a rubber. do i have an std? fuck if i know. dont worry about it

>>12429097
I don't NEED your damn advice about drugs. You are NOT as indispensable as you believe, and you are not the only one with this sort of background.

There are things I don't really give a damn coming from you, because you just wanted to be included in some stupid special group because you feel like you're owed the title, or some stupid shit like that.

There are still things you aren't qualified to answer at age 26 that you COULD answer at age 45, 55, and 65. They might be questions about an older body, history, or something else.

Get the fuck up off me.

>>12429095
Not in the medical field, but please just tell me she's on the pill. If not, stop sticking it in there without a condom.

Also most people don't exchange physical documentation of their sex life. So I hope you only sleep with girls you completely trust.

>>12429101
Many people I know regret how their first time was, and often how early they did it. At this point I'm fairly sure they disparage people who are virgins past 18-20 because they wish they held out.

>>12429094
You're right. I didn't really make a good point.

What I'm trying to say is age=/=experoience

>>12429107
Oh, ha-ha. I probably should have said that I've heard that both IRL and on this very board. The more time passes, the more worried I get. I haven't even kissed a girl yet. I can't get to sleep at night without thing about how fucked I am, wondering if I have some kind of mental disorder or something. I probably reek of desperation, and I've heard too much about how you can't hide desperation. About how you can't fake confidence.

>>12429112
i'm 26, used rubber with a third of my exgfs, never got a std, nor an accidental baby.

if you trust your couple, then you dont have to worry. On the other side, if you are into one nighties, you should worry, or at least know where you're putting your dick into.

>>12429073
>Do you have a plan to keep those things?
I live with my parents, my job couldn't even support basic rent. So yes, I have these basics, but I'm not even the one responsible.
>From there, what makes you happy?
I have hobbies and interests I'd like to keep pursuing, but time is always a factor.
>Do you want a relationship?
Yeah, there's a lot I wish I could do with a partner.
>Do you feel like you're a good friend?
I think I'm getting better, but it took me years to build up this social circle, and I don't know how to preserve it forever.
>There's this notion that you have to lose your virginity by a certain age
I don't know, it seems as if being really inexperienced by my age has become a "warning sign" for women, and I'm too inexperienced to know how to convince them otherwise.

>>12429124
Yes, yes it does.

>>12429116
>They might be questions about an older body, history, or something else.
>Get the fuck up off me
Fair enough, I apologize

>>12429120
I thought your first time was always shit, no matter what you did.

>>12429125
See, never having kissed is a bigger issue here than being a virgin. But still not as big as you might think.

The truth is, if you want to get laid that badly, you could always hire a prostitute. Bam, problem solved.

If you want a proper relationship, fussing won't help at all. You need to go out there and try to get one. It might fail. It might fail many times. But it'll succeed eventually.

>>12429138
I suppose that's true. They still seem to regret not having held out for longer, though, which is relevant to the problem here.

>>12429125
that halo of unconfidence and worries is doing worst to you than your actual virginity.

>>12429135
age does not necessarily = experience is what I should have said.

Time for me to stop making an ass of myself and leave.

>>12429132
Sounds like you're still taking your first steps out into adult life, and that's fine. So long as you have goals in mind and you're not jumping into anything without a lot of thought you'll be fine.

Wait until you have a solid plan to start a relationship. Getting yourself together first is the best thing you could do for your future significant other.

It's going to be tough and you're still going to have social pressure telling you you need to be whatever by whatever time, but everyone goes through it. Early adulthood sucks. But you sound like you have a lot of things going.

Alright, I'll bite.
How old do you think is too late to realize what exactly you want to do with your life?
I mean, every older person around me seems to expect me to have it all figured out. When I tell them I don't know what I really want to study, what job I want, or that I can't even imagine where I'll be twenty years from now, their reactions range from disappointment to outright anger.

But I don't honestly feel like I should already know. I mean, I'm 21. Sure, it's like one fourth of my life, assuming I have a decent run, but... it still seems a bit early to know what I want. I don't even know all the possibilities yet.

>>12429168
>Getting yourself together first is the best thing you could do for your future significant other.
I get that, I really do, but I'm just seeing no rewards for doing so, not even a glimmer of one off in the distance. I mean shit, even >>12429141
said that "never having kissed is a bigger issue here than being a virgin," and I'm worried about falling behind. I see coworkers with relationships, classmates and co-volunteers with the same. I see said people advancing, becoming better overall... And I'm just plodding along. I'm stuck waiting: waiting to see if I can get a better, non-retail job come August and places start hiring; waiting to see if my majors will actually lead to the career paths I'd heard of; waiting to become better with women. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is getting better than me.

>>12429141
>never having kissed is a bigger issue
>>12429152
>that halo of unconfidence and worries is doing worst to you than your actual virginity
Looks like I'm coming out of this thread worse than when I went into it.

The local gym just re-opened, and I'm planning on setting up a three-day schedule. Not necessarily /fit/-level, but maybe losing this beer gut that everyone I know likes to assure me I don't have will help my confidence a bit.

Relating to the virginity issue, this is apparently how much nobody cares:
>>12427032 →

>>12429193
it doesnt have to be worse, if you actually want to do something about it. Going to the gym is a good idea as you said. Are you going out with a girl?, or a plan to go out with one? etc.?

>>12429183
I'll have to second that. Maybe I'm being a little bitch here, but the constant expectation people seem to place on me to have it all planned out already is getting really old. I can get my family doing it. They're worried for my future and whatnot. But everyone else? Come on.

>>12429183
I had no idea what I wanted to do until I was 24. Until I decided, I did what I could to support myself until I found something that worked for me. Because of that I'm not in horrible amounts of debt, I didn't drive myself crazy with worrying about appearances, and I'm a happy person.

There's no logical reason to have to pick something by some arbitrary age. Just so long as you at least have a means to support yourself.

>>12429198
Doesn't matter =/= doesn't care

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to date someone who would reject me based on my sexual experience.

>>12429209
I don't even know any girls. Everyone I work with is either a fifty-year-old Filipino, in a relationship with kids, or both.

>>12429198 wasn't me, but I suggest you read it.

>>12429225
What did you decided and how did you figure it all out?

>>12429183
Fucking this op

I'm 22 recently became unemployed and i have no fucking clue what to do with my life, there are so many things I want to do with my life but I'm just not sure which one to choose that will make me the happiest

>>12429191
Ever see Shawshank Redemption?

At the end, the main character escapes by crawling through like a football field or two worth of sewer. When he gets out he escapes to a Mexican paradise.

It's probably difficult to think about all those tacos you're going to eat when you're staring at a half mile of prisoner poop.

>>12429198
This is the most important post in that thread:
>>12429147 →

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We're both disapoint by our FWB/one night stories, know each other for a few years, and are both expatriates far from home.
Our fathers work together for the same company.

Recently, a few weeks ago, we started shopping, watching movies, and often spend week-ends together.

My regular FWB seems distant, my ex annoys me... I want to move on.

She got drunk last night, and I went to her place to share some drinks, and a meal.
For the first time today I really wanted to hug her, and share something else that what we don't get with our sex buddies.

I think she loves her current FWB who rejected her.

Wat do?

>>12429234
Lots of thinking and planning. Figured out something I really enjoyed and how to incorporate it with something profitable.

I really love to teach and I really love kids. I also want to help people and I really want to start a business someday.

So after a lot of thinking on it, I decided that I would start a charity and do that until I got bored of it or retired. Then spend my last 20 years or so teaching.

You have an idea and you build upon it. Fully chizzling out this plan took another couple years. But in the end, having not rushed into anything and being free to pursue this plan really paid off.

>>12429230
I am watching it, too, and i think that you shouldn't answer that question unless:

-your relationship with that girl is developed to a point where the honest answer will be accepted
-you're too desperate to hit dat ass and have real chances to actually hit it, in that case answer with a flirt, a joke, sarcasm or whatever answer you can imagine in which shows that you're the man, virgin or not. Its about following the mood that is already between you two, keeping the sexual tension.

also, what can you do to get to know girls?

>>12429230
>Everyone I work with is either a fifty-year-old Filipino, in a relationship with kids, or both.
Are you me? Really, that's my workplace in a nutshell.
>>12429236
>It's probably difficult to think about all those tacos you're going to eat when you're staring at a half mile of prisoner poop.
But at least he knew he was supposed to have a chance at freedom. For all I know, I'm not actually crawling, just staying in place as I sit in prisoner poop. It's why I'm asking older anons, because I'm assuming they should know what it means to be advancing in their minds.

I'm 19 and incredibly shy. I want to meet girls. Not for sex, for friendship and potentially later a relationship (depends how well we get on etc). I don't someone who is emotionally shallow, I want to find people who are independent with their own interests/passions and hobbies.
Where would I meet such people? I tried online (e.g. dating sites/other places) but of course women don't respond and it transpires to be a huge waste of time typing out messages that may not even be read, let alone acknowledged.
Although I have friends, I don't like spending time in groups of people socially, therefore I don't meet new people through friends.

>>12429271
>Are you me? Really, that's my workplace in a nutshell.
What's your job? How was highschool?

>>12429249
Seriously? Fuck that guy.

>>12429260
Occam's razor, man.

Cut out people who ultimately aren't going to benefit you, and develop your relationship with the one(s) you want to keep.

No one is going to die if you stop talking to them for the sake of keeping drama out of your own life.

>>12429286
>What's your job?
Retail, I'm mostly just working in the cashroom now but for the first months before I got this advancement I was on the floor or in a till, and U have tons of Filipina coworkers. Pretty, but not really easy to talk to once I realize that they're older than me.
>How was highschool?
Pretty good, I'm a few years out of it right now and pursuing a degree in university.

>>12429271
Well as far as that goes, it's simple. Figure out what you want and make goals around it. If you are doing things to accomplish your goals, that's progression. If you're not doing anything and you need some time to figure out what those goals are, that's fine too.

And it's past my bedtime so I can't remember the full extent of your situation anymore so sorry if I'm not covering everything.

>>12429288
What if that's how the majority of society thinks?

What if he's right?

>>12428666 (OP)
Hey guys, 23 year old looking for some help

Do you guys have any recommendations for moving in with someone?

My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years now, and it seems like a good time financially to make the jump.

At this point in our relationship its either move in together or break up. Is there anything you recommend focusing on, pre and post move? I like this girl a lot but all relationships have their fair share of problems

>>12429312
Where do you live/where does she live?
How old is she?
Has she had any serious relationships before?

>>12429312
One question.

Why is it "move in together or break up"? Are you having issues not related to the distance?

>>12429275
Meeting people is hard. Just finding good, meaningful friendships is a difficult thing. There's a bold line between casual social friendships and meaningful friendships/relationships.

It all comes down to chance and who you happen to meet. Stick to your standards. Keep holding out and don't settle.

>>12429308
Hm, I guess that advice makes sense. I guess I'm scared that I'm just treading water, or moving too slow for anything to really count. Even worse, I'm afraid of others looking at me and thinking I'm treading water and not going anywhere, and I have no idea how to make women see that I'm trying.
I know "trying" isn't good enough, but I just can't find alternatives.

>>12429309
The majority of society has repeatedly been proven to know fuck all.

As for being right? Well, he is right in that it's easy to do it. In theory. Practice, not so much, because young people [we're talking below like 18] are pretty goddamn superficial. Have an ugly face? Good fuckin' luck gettin' laid without drinking being there to help you. Have a limp or some such? Yeah nobody's gonna go for that shit at 15. And so on, and so forth.

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>>12429319
We're both 23, she lives in Raleigh and I'm in Detroit

We've spent a decent amount of time together - up to 6 weeks in a row over winter breaks, stuff like that. It seems to go pretty well - then again, we've never had to really 'go to work' over these times. It'll be a foreign experience

She's had 1 relationship before me, back when she was 18-19. It was serious back then, from what I understood. The guy was crazy and cheated on her a bunch

>>12429326
It's pretty much an ultimatum because the Long Distance part is fucking exhausting, and expensive. We have issues here and there related to communication, but that's mostly because we're communicating day in and out by phone. Lack of physical contact is hard

I'll post a pic since adv doesn't seem to lose their shit over personal photos

>>12429338
How am I supposed to meet people in the first place though?

>>12429309
Fuck them, too. I'm dead serious. Why on earth should you believe the same way they do? Why do you have to be them?

>>12429354
I can't tell if the picture is you or her.
How long ago did you last spend time together?
Do you want to make it work?
What sort of other commitments do each of you have? (i.e. jobs/family/friends etc), moving to a distant place means giving up pretty much everything you have so far. Are you REALLY ready to do this?

>>12429309
Yeah, he is right. A 15 year old jock could do it. The jock part is of importance here. They generally don't have any issues, whether it's being awkward around people or some potentially off-putting health problem, that'd ruin their chances.

And people don't ask for those things. It's not exactly their personal failure if they have something people happen not to like. Well, unless they're just fucking assholes and that's why nobody wants to fuck them, but let's assume that's not the case here.

It's like telling someone they're a failure because they happen to have schizophrenia.

>>12429305
I do food preparation in a grocery store (a job I only got through a rich relative), and I barely coasted by in highschool. Wasn't much of a social butterfly back then, either, more like a socially-retarded laughingstock.

You've got both a better job and a better education than me. Good for you.

>>12429371
That's a photo of her

We last spent 4 weeks together over winter break - december to january. She's coming over in July to check out the city and see if she likes it.

When it comes to work, I'm trying to get into medical school - either way I have another year of schooling ahead of me.

She's been working as a manger at her family's small business for the past few years but she's a pastry chef by trade. She's desperate to get out of Raleigh and start earning money/living on her own, so she can find her own way.

We both figure that with the circumstances we're in, a 1 year lease wouldn't be a bad idea - once I figure out where I'm going to school we could figure out the rest

>>12429362
Because I want to fit in. I want to relate to others.

Are you about to tell me that I shouldn't care so much about what other people think? Because if so, don't bother. Of course I'm going to care about what other people think if I'm trying to MEET other people.

>>12429340
As you'll see by a lot of people in this thread, that's a common feeling. Don't feel pressured into doing something you're not ready for. Figure out what you want before you make any huge decisions. You'll regret it if you don't.

>>12429355
work, school, friends, social events, internet, etc. There's no secret meeting people club. You just have to get lucky and "find the one".

But again, don't settle. Even if it takes longer than you'd like

Sure I'll bite. General life questions.

How do I find the right career for me? I'm studying computational mathematics and computer science right now. I would ideally like something math-intensive. How do I even find out about what different people in my field do and what it's like?

What's a good way to invest my money, once I have some?

How do I make friends out of college?

How do I meet someone that's good for me romantically?

>>12429408
You DON'T want to relate to people who view sex in this way. I don't CARE if they make the majority. It's inhuman and you know it.

Meet other people than these. I'm a person who doesn't see sex as something that defines you. They do. This isn't right.

>>12429411
While I'm seeking out a job, I have not yet had any replies.
Although I met new people in university (class mates) it was a very small number (under 10), all of which are "mature students" and seem against talking to me outside of university (though these are not the people I would want as close friends anyway).
As stated in my original post, I only really spend time with one friend at a time, groups make me feel very awkward and I never understand when it's my turn to speak.
I'm not expecting a secret "meeting club", but was wondering what other structured social events exist. i.e. groups for hobbies/education, how do these serve for meeting new people? (Obviously while acquiring a new skill or enjoying my time there). If such things are useful for meeting new people, what sort of things would I look for to find people of my own age group? For example I enjoy reading, and would be open to the idea of attending a "book club" or "reading group" were it not for the fact that the participants are pretty much all 60+ year old women.
What other situations is it appropriate to meet new people in?
With my current regime I am not meeting any new people.

>>12429420
...math turns me on.

I don't think you'll have trouble finding someone in this endeavor romantically.

>Broke up with ex and she told me she's basically binge partying and rebounding to get over me
>Ex-GF basically told me she doesn't love me anymore and rebounded with a butch lesbian 5 years younger than both of us
>Started cussing out her roommates who all loved me in order to show off for her new rebound
>she's moving in with her friends and her new rebound so they can all drunken girl party all day


Her soon to be ex-best friend and ex-roommate recently messaged me about what my ex has been doing and ever since I found out all of this, It's destroyed all the progress that I've made post-breakup. I even saw her and her new GF this Wednesday. I feel like complete shit. Even suicide crossed my mind, which is stupid, I know, but it did.


I broke up with her, mind you. The last time we had a conversation about us, she told me about how there is no resentment and how she still wants to be friends and hang out, but she also said shit that made me knew there's still bitterness over the heartbreak.

I feel like shit. I know she's only doing these stupid things to fit in with her friends who are all either gay or bisexual.

I've wasted so much time still caring about this girl, how can I get back on track? Learning everything I know has literally fucked off a solid week of my life.

>>12429438
Yeah, and viewing ugly people worse is wrong too. And so is not treating people with disabilities with the same amount of respect as everyone else. Because both of those things are beyond their control.

But fucking everyone does that. Something being wrong doesn't make it any less likely to happen, and to be perceived as normal.

Life ain't fair. And I'm saying that as someone with numerous health issues, someone who had to deal with being treated like I'm made of fucking glass, or incapable of taking care of myself. Someone who will quite possibly never have sex, solely due to how many surgical scars I've got in all the wrong places.

You just learn to deal. People ain't gonna care that you can't help it, that it can't be fixed - or that fixing it would take more money than you could possibly afford to spend on fitting in.

Even those who claim they don't care, really goddamn do, unless they don't actually ever meet you face-to-face.

Just the way it is. There are two options. You force yourself to fit in, and feel better around others, but hate yourself for it when alone - or you don't, and feel terrible all the time, even as you tell yourself you did the right thing by not conforming.

>>12429438
If society is the majority, and you disagree with them, that makes you a social outcast.

Which is more inhuman? Someone who sees sex as something that defines you, or someone who can't get along with anyone else because of the way he thinks?

>>12429408
There is a cognitive distortion called over-generalization. (A cognitive distortion is an elaborate lie that your brain has tricked you into). It goes "because it happened once, it will always happen." One idiot has an opinion. That's the thing about opinions. Anyone can have them. You saw it, panicked, and said "What if everyone in society thinks that!" Well they do not. There are all kinds of people out there with all kinds of opinions. You're free to form your own as you travel through life. Some of them may even be offensive to others, starting this whole cycle again.

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>>12429466
that sounds pretty crazy. the things girls do post breakup are really harsh. try to just keep them out of your life for a little while. i've only had one breakup where I never saw them ever again, which is pretty torturous for me, but others it's generally a mix of harsh feelings and longing for awhile and then you get back to knowing them as normal people


anyway. i dunno what to ask the oldguys. i guess i just have started to feel super disconnected from everybody. I'm just at a turning point in my life

Give me all the advice on women you can. They're an alien race to me.

Freshman in college here

>>12429468
So which one did you choose?

>>12429531
The latter, because fitting in with all my health problems has proven nearly impossible.
There isn't a day that I'm not wishing I could get rid of my body, or hoping science will progress to the point where it can be either fixed, or replaced. Even if it means standing out as a freak due to mechanical replacements.

At least it'd be a cooler kind of freak.

>>12429466
hey i had to respond to this post, because i had to deal with the same shit.

i could have written your post, it's that dead on.

how do you get over it?
time and distance.
don't listen to a word she says. don't try to rationalize her actions, and don't keep tabs on her.

it took 2 months of no contact before i got an "i miss you" text, and i just erased and ignored.

girls like this are the absolute worst.

>>12429524
1. Don't put them on a pedestal
2. Be yourself, they're going to find out who you are sooner or later
3.Socialize Socialize Socialize - the more women you meet the easier it'll be to find compatible ones
4. Don't have one night stands if the girl is closely connected to your group of friends. It'll fuck with your reputation
5. Safe sex. Always
6. Have fun - and this is the most important one. College is a short and magical time, make sure you spend that time wisely

>>12429564
i agree with everything here except for this:

>Don't have one night stands if the girl is closely connected to your group of friends. It'll fuck with your reputation

i kind of understand, but it has not been an issue for me.
i guess maybe it's because i'm able to keep cool with the girl after, and don't act weird in the morning.

this is for the /adv/ old fags still here..

I'm 20, gf 18 (virgin), been dating for 2 months~ but no sex yet.. last night fingered her but yet to cum myself..

i understand her being scared and wanting to wait but at the same time i have needs.. we have spoken about sex and it seems she is afraid of what others will think if we have sex.. i really like this girl but at 20 not sure if it's worth the wait..

any ideas on how to speed the process up?

>>12429549
I'm not sure if I should feel bad for you, or better about myself right now.

>>12429598
I don't think you should pressure her into losing her virginity simply because you don't think she's worth waiting for.
Find someone who isn't so new to sex.

>>12429598
Are you in socially conservative circles? 30something here, and in our age group if two people are dating it's automatically assumed they also are having sex. Sexual compatibility is a very part important for a good relationship.

But for your situation, I would just see you need to ask yourself and her, why do you care what people think? You're both adults. The main problem is that she's a virgin, so there isn't really much you can do to push her if she has mental blocks. If you can get her to want it, then that's good. However, you should not wait forever either, if she is holding out and you can't take it anymore, then it's not a healthy relationship.

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What is the best way to confront someone who is suspected to be deliberately ignoring you?

My ex and I have a friends with benefits thing going on and after I go back home he wont text me again for a month until he needs me again. I don't care about getting used and such its just that he is so "I don't need you so don't do shit to mess it up for yourself" that I end up miserable and it doesn't matter if I feel like I need him.

>tl;dr how to geta guy to pay attention to what you're saying (in this specific situation)
pic semi-related

>>12429680
Well, there is a reason why he is your ex, right? It sounds like he just is not interested in reliving the time you were an official couple. It might be best to just directly tell him what you think and how you feel, but be ready to hear something you won't like. At least that will get your uncertainty over with.

>>12429680
>how to geta guy to pay attention to what you're saying

withhold.
show him he isn't that important, and you can get other guys.

when the fuck am i going to be able to orgasm

>20 female
>had lots of sex
>own a vibrator
>constantly horny
>still can't manage to have one
>hate myself because of it

>>12429715
if you are fit, the easiest way to achieve orgasm is to book a flight to SF or Oakland and send me an email.

>>12429691
>>12429693
Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't like hound him when it comes to communicating, I pretty much wait for him to say something. It's a very long story so I wont bore you with the details. We would have small issues with each other and thy grew into big issues and my dad was in the hospital, just really bad luck and timing. We were both out of patience and it was beginning to develop into an on-off relationship though the only time I ever dumped him is because my friend forced me to. I gave him gifts for Christmas, his birthday, etc anyways and I don't expect anything really, but he knows I want to talk to him more, last time as I was getting out of the car I said something like "So you aren't going to stop talking to me this time around, are you?" and he said he wasn't. And here I am Usually everyone's like CUT ALL CONTACT but I guess its simply act like you don't give a shit either. I'm positive this will break up eventually so I don't know why I'm so concerned to preserve it,.

>>12429723
the 3 people i've slept with have all said stuff similar to that. like implying my past sex must have been rubbish and they're the ones who'll get me there. but i have great sex and it still never happens.

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>>12429723

>>12429485
What if your opinions are offensive (as you put it) to a LOT of other people? Are you saying that an opinion can't be wrong?

>>12429737
did any of those guys have Gyarados tattooed on their dick?
...

didn't think so

What's a good way to tell if a girl is crazy or not?
Like a gay-dar but for daddy/self esteem issues or related things.
Any signs or tells, whatever.

>>12429773
If you can't tell, it's probably because you have the same issues.

2 possibilities:
-therapy for you. You manage to see these things, and meet people you wouldn't have met before.
-deal with it. The higher passion in a couple happens when the 2 experienced the same issues but dealt with them in a different way. Though, these couples last only if they manage to find a good way to communicate.

What a great thread, very long though, so excuse me if im asking something that has already been discussed..

I'm 18, and ill soon have to choose my path career wise, but theres one thing that bothers me.. I play alot of music, aprox 2 hours a day in different constelattions, this is my hobby and what i love to do. I have always considered studying music, but i'm scared that by working with music and earning my money of off it, i will suck the joy out of it. So basicly, anyone have any advice on turning something you love into work and money? Did it work, did it suck..

>>12429737
oldfag female here; expect no other answer from guys than "I bet those other guys just don't know how to get you off". If it's not happening alone (aka you haven't learned yet to push your own magic buttons), it's 99% unlikely to happen with a partner.

You've tried a vibrator, what do you do with it? I never cum from vibration personally, nor -just- penetration.
Here's a couple of guides on masturbation:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/masturbationwomen.htm

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

Some of my best orgasms have been while watching myself in the mirror, rubbing the outline and around my clit (not really directly on it) in a circular motion until I see myself getting more and more wet, and then finally contracting and orgasming. My tips is to find the thing you can do to yourself that is most pleasurable (like I described my own favorite motion) and find variations of it. You WILL notice it if it is getting you off. Experiment having something inside you and not having anything inside you.

When it starts to work for you, try doing the same with your partner, i.e. while you are on top of him, tell him to lay completely still and go to town on yourself with your hands. This ALWAYS works for me and might not work for you, but try different positions and then using your own hands to reach orgasm. Once this is done, you can try letting him do it. Guide him with your words and hands to help him learn what works for you.

Good luck!

>>12428666 (OP)

30 reporting in

hey oldfags

my gf is acting strange and is not sure about our relationship. we were supposed to meet up today. but now she does not answer her phone.

yesterday she said she does not want to throw our relationship away. I told her I missed her and I didn't want to fuck it up either.

wat the fuck do

>>12430356
Maybe you just should contacting her. If she misses you, she will contact you again, even if it takes a while. If that happens, you have the upper hand.

>>12430010
Music is a weak career choice, because so many people go into it to become rich and famous that 99% get nowhere. If you want to work as am audio tech that's one thing, but don't expect to make money as a musician unless you're the next Jimi Hendrix.

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>>12428704

I prefer the work experience route myself. Go though an apprenticeship program, learn a trade, get your certificates and licenses. The hours are long but it is worth it. Then if you want to go through college you will have the financial freedom to go without the burden of debt.

>>12430368
I am aware of that, and i'm not expecting to become rich or famous at all. I am considering jobs as a music teacher or a cover musician and what not, the famous thing is not in the eqaution, but anyway, what i want to know is, if taking a job based on something you love the most will ruin it (Nevermind the money for now, it could just as well be a person who loves flowers and wants to be a gartner). Just general advice on this subject.

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>>12430016

>Some of my best orgasms have been while watching myself in the mirror

This is the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard.

>>12430396
Yeah learning how your vagina works is narcissistic? I'm not watching my face/body going "omg I am so hot", I'm looking at how my vagina works, most of the time imagining what it would look like having a penis inside it. Get over it.

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>>12430407

Thanks for the laugh.

48 yo here.
Lelling on the floor at the assumptions of underbannds and pretentiousness of 30somethings.

Don't ever change 4chan -- stay as dumb as ever.

>>12430407
V?

How do I find what I'm good at, to work on it?

> implying older people dont suck at life also

we're all only human, /thread

>>12429715
you have to realize that the majority of wmen can't orgasm at all. despite what porn movies show us.

so there is that. i personally don't belive they are physically incapable of orgasm. there are factors here. technique and mindset matters a lot.

tons of women in their twenties didn't experience orgasm yet or only did with vibrators or other direct clit stimulation.
if you reach 30, and still did not orgasm you can start to worry, tho not all is lost even then.

>coming from a guy who made women cum who couldn't before.