how old are you?

my mom wasn't exactly the best parent, but she did her best. im a bastard childm she was a single mother, all that jazz. but I know she loves me.

I'm 20 and only until recently did I realize that I can't constantly resent my mother for doing what she thought was right.

yeah there re times when I get all depressed and start to blame all of my misgivings on her, but shit man. I'm an adult and I can't change the past. If i'm depressed, it's because I'm not doing enough for myself.

If you have a loving relationship with your grandmother, you can understand where I'm coming from.

>>12169993 (OP)
Man.
While she might have had a role in what you are now, it's ultimately your responsibility.

You are in control of who you are, so stop being a little prick blaming her and take that responsibility

OP you just have to understand that RAISING CHILDREN IS DIFFICULT and not every person can be perfect at it. THINK ABOUT HAVING YOUR OWN CHILD. ALL DAY EVERY DAY. It isn't so easy to just "be a good parent". Now also why the fuck does ANYTHING she do have ANYTHING to do with your behavior? You are 100% in control of your behavior, you walk around being negative, then try to find other people to blame your negativity on so you don't blame yourself. Just put a fucking smile on, go thank her for the shelter and food and whatever love she was able to give, and go lift some weights or something.

The moment you turn 18, nothing you are is truly your parents' or grandparents' fault ever again. It's one of the downsides of adulthood that no one tells you about. Goes with being to vote and buy guns and all that jazz.

Insecurity and depression are largely inborn. Sorry, this isn't the 90's, it's no longer cool to blame your parents for everything.

Get medicated or learn to tough it out. I'm in it with you, it's hard but it's worth it.

>>12170049
>While she might have had a role in what you are now, it's ultimately your responsibility.
>You are in control of who you are, so stop being a little prick blaming her and take that responsibility
This is such shit. I can't help the personality flaws she's given me with her psychologically abusive and neglectful parenting.

>>12170054
>THINK ABOUT HAVING YOUR OWN CHILD. ALL DAY EVERY DAY
The thing is, I can barely look after myself. I accept that. So I will never have a child, or adopt a child, or whatever. Because I understand that I would make an awful parent and I would hurt that child, even without intending to.

>Just put a fucking smile on
It isn't so easy to just "put a fucking smile on"

>nothing you are is truly your parents' or grandparents' fault ever again
I don't agree with this. The insecurity given to you by overly judgemental and conditionally loving parents and the anxiety that that insecurity causes you doesn't magically disappear the moment you turn 18.

The past is in the past. You can keep bringing it up and reliving its influence. Or you can stop blaming other people for your current problems, accept you have them, and do something about it.

Advice from a guy who's been there: Stop blaming other people. Accept your responsibility and continued compliance in your problems. Fix yourself. Forgive yourself and others. Move on.

>>12170091
>This is such shit. I can't help the personality flaws she's given me with her psychologically abusive and neglectful parenting.
Bullshit. You are just trying to avoid having to do stuff and thus you blame someone else for your problems.

If this is your viewpoint, you are a lost cause.

>>12170091
>I don't agree with this. The insecurity given to you by overly judgemental and conditionally loving parents and the anxiety that that insecurity causes you doesn't magically disappear the moment you turn 18.
Nobody is saying that they disapear.
They just become your responsibility and you need to stop blaming others for them.
Now it's up to you to battle and overcome those issues.

File: 1367174393984.jpg-(315 KB, 1250x1036, nigga anta just went full baka.jpg)

315 KB JPG

>>12169993 (OP)
>boo hoo my parents didn't give me the perfect childhood

Shut up. Nobody has a perfect childhood. Some people have downright terrible ones.

You grow up when you realize that your life is yours to live, and start living it. And your grandma is probably laughing at you because you're so young and yet you think life is so awful for some reason.

>>12170080
>Insecurity and depression are largely inborn.
If you truly believe this, you never had abusive and neglectful parents, or you're in denial.

>Sorry, this isn't the 90's, it's no longer cool to blame your parents for everything
I wasn't aware I was trying to be cool.

>>12170093
>stop blaming other people for your current problems
>ignore why you have these problems

>Forgive yourself and others.
>allow these people to keep abusing you
Jesus Christ. You people are so fucking ignorant.

>You are just trying to avoid having to do stuff and thus you blame someone else for your problems.
Believe it or not, I know how my own grandmother, who was like a mother figure to me, raised me while I was growing up. I know that she only acted loving towards me when I did something that made her look good to other "parents". I know she picked away at every tiny inconsequential mistake I made. I know she was never happy until something was "perfect" regardless of the toll it took on me.

>>12170133
Okey man.
I see you just wanted to put some blame onto your grandmother and you wont take our advice telling you to shut up, stop wasting time with blame and instead to start woking on yourself.

BTW
Nobody said to keep them abusing you. Nobody said anything about forgivness.
We talked about getting over it and starting a new chatper in your life.

And a second BTW:
>I know she was never happy until something was "perfect" regardless of the toll it took on me.
Boo freaking hoo... half of the children in the world feel like that.

>>12170133
Yeah, dude.

Shut. The fuck. Up.

If you think depression happens because of 'abusive' and 'neglectful' parents, you have no idea what abuse or neglect even means.

My mother's mother died when she was 2. Her father died when she was 10. She was an orphan living with other orphans in a third world country. She had to face being raped by older men who would take advantage of children, constantly being robbed and the threat of her life ending because Guyana is full of insane people.

She managed to graduate top of her class, even after skipping a few grades. My mother had so little food she would lie about having a lunch and pass out from physical exhaustion in the middle of the classroom.

My mother, didn't have fucking TIME to be depressed because she was too busy trying to survive. And now she lives in Canada with a house to her name, she started a family, and she raised all of us not to be little bitches about everything even though we've been granted a far better life than she has.

I live in a first world country. I have food and water readily available to me. I have the opportunity to become someone great like a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer and I'm taking the engineer route.

You can either curl up and die in this world, or you can die with your boots on like a fighter. And quite frankly, I don't like the feeling of being a quitter. It's not like I met all my parent's expectations, but they respect me because now I can live my own life.

>>12170157
>half of the children in the world feel like that.
At this point it's obvious that despite not really knowing anything about what my grandmother is like and how my childhood went, you're still going to blindly defend her and act as though I'M the one at fault here, but for my sake I'll attempt to clarify this point.

She's a deeply insecure woman and I believe she has OCD (she's far too ashamed to ever see a psychologist about it though). Everything I ever did had to reflect positively on her, and be better than what every other child did. So she would spend hours to make sure that these things happened, making me utterly miserable. If for whatever reason they didn't, she would treat me like shit for days afterward.

>>12170133
You're absolutely right. I didn't have abusive or neglectful parents. And yet, I'm probably more neurotic than you are. I also happen to know of very well adjusted and successful people who were actually routinely beaten by their parents.

Fuck you and your first world problems. You just attack people trying to give you advice. Your grandmother would treat you better if you weren't such a little asshole.

>>12170189
>If you think depression happens because of 'abusive' and 'neglectful' parents, you have no idea what abuse or neglect even means.
You have to be trolling. Of course people become depressed when their parents neglect and abuse them.

>he lives in Canada with a house to her name, she started a family, and she raised all of us not to be little bitches
Okay, so she had a hard time growing up and because of that taught you to ignore your problems. Now you're on the internet bitching at me for talking about mine.

Because you've been taught never to try to fix your personality flaws, you must be an utter cunt to deal with. I hope you don't procreate, those poor children.

>>12170189
See you don't quite understand either. There's a huge difference between what your mom went through and what people like OP are going through. The circumstances and results are different. Your mom would have DIED if she hadn't fought.

People like OP can still live perfectly fine in an apathetic, unfulfilling existence. They don't have to live or die so their response is sort of being trapped between everything feeling like they have nowhere to go.

It's completely different.

>>12170203
Oh. My. Fucking. God.

How the fuck will blaming your grandmother help you get over these issues you got.

Nobody is defending your Grandmother you fucking piece of shit. We are just sayin that you need to GET FUCKING OVER IT and take control of your own life.

>>12170215
>Your grandmother would treat you better if you weren't such a little asshole.
>preoccupied with the "little old lady stereotype"
You're an ignorant twat

>You're absolutely right. I didn't have abusive or neglectful parents. And yet, I'm probably more neurotic than you are.
Not really sure how you figure that, or that there's anything respectable about that. What's your excuse?

>I also happen to know of very well adjusted and successful people who were actually routinely beaten by their parents.
Yeah, I bet they'll make awful parents themselves.

>>12169993 (OP)
you sound like a little bitch dude

>>12170226
>GET FUCKING OVER IT
Ignoring your problems doesn't make them magically disappear. They still affect your daily life.

>Nobody is defending your Grandmother you fucking piece of shit.
Uh, yes they are? When you say obviously wrong shit like this, it makes a clear what a moron you are.

>>12170236
Nice bandwagoning kid

>>12170231
>What's your excuse?
No excuse. I am who I am and I only have myself to blame for that. I actively struggle to make myself better instead of trying to blame others for me not being happy.

>>12169993 (OP)
what's really wrong bro? did she get you the wrong color of iphone?

>>12170241
>Ignoring your problems doesn't make them magically disappear
Actually ...it does. Positive conditioning.

OP sounds like a girl.
An underage girl.

>>12170241
Getting over something doesnt mean you will ignore them.
Getting over an issue means you learn you have the issue and you stop living in the issues, letting them control you and you start controling them yourself.

>>12170245
i grew up with a single mom and went a whole summer with out electricity and water, man the fuck up

>>12170249
Positive conditioning? That's not even a thing.

>>12170248
>>12170252
Keep making dumb comments.

>>12170253
>Getting over an issue means you learn you have the issue and you stop living in the issues
Uh, what?

>>12170263
>moans about his problems
>lacks empathy for other people's
Everything is relative.

>>12170246
>I am who I am and I only have myself to blame for that.
This is such a fucking stupid thing to say.

A big part of who you are is who your parents raised you to be. You cannot be this fucking oblivious to something so obvious. You must be acting like a retard for the sake of argument.

>>12170272
STOP THE PRESSES
POSITIVE CONDITIONING ISN'T A THING ANYMORE

>>12170272
>implying i'm moaning
you haven't even mentioned what your grandma did that made your life so horrible

>>12170279
Yes, but a bigger part of who you are is what you were born.

Me blaming my anxiety and depression on my parents, would be like my father blaming his schizophrenia on his parents.

Oh my jesus, you assholes.

Mental disorders can be genetic OR triggered by the environment you're raised in. Both are legit.

>OP in charge of taking responsibilities

you are pathetic. fact is, you can act any way you want, regardless of how you really feel.

>>12170282

Conditioning is a thing, and positive reinforcement is a thing. I've also never heard of ''positive conditioning''.

>>12170282
Yeah, that's not citation, that's pretending your opinion is fact.

Do you mean positive reinforcement, or operant conditioning? You fucking retard.

>>12170316
Even if a condition is triggered by the environment, the underlying cause is genetic.

>psycology 0
>real science 1

>>12170339
>>12170342
Oh man. Semantics.
If you already know what I mean, why make such a big deal about it?

>>12170291
>you haven't even mentioned what your grandma did that made your life so horrible
There's not one event I can point to, like some huge horrible event of physical or sexual abuse to instantly get the waves of sympathy rolling in from shallow, lazy 4chan posters.

She just made growing up a misery. Everything I ever did was an ordeal. I don't fully understand it myself, and I find it difficult to talk about because whenever I've talked to family members about it they've acted like there was nothing wrong. My entire family has their personality disorders that they're so ashamed of which constantly make everyone else's lives a misery but none of them will accept or get treatment for them.

>>12170353
Because you were acting like a cunt, and that showed that you're a retarded cunt.

>>12170323
>victim blaming
Troll harder

>>12170091

>I can't help the personality flaws she's given me with her psychologically abusive and neglectful parenting.

Then why did you post to /adv/ asking for help?

Do you want us to yell at your grandma? Tell her she was a bad parent? Will doing that fix you?

Seriously. Get the fuck over yourself. You're in control of your destiny, and if you want to blame your shortcomings on others, then you'll never move forward.

>>12170369
Okay. I'll go be a cunt somewhere else then.

File: 1367177159288.jpg-(59 KB, 480x371, 1366132800021.jpg)

59 KB JPG

>>12169993 (OP)
>tfw I was raised by my grandma
>Think off all she did for me, how ungrateful I was, how much she loved me when my shitty parents couldn't be bothered to acknowledge me
>Realize she was the only mother (and father) I ever
>She died a year ago

What I wouldn't give to have her back. Be nice to your grandma, bro, it sounds like she's all you got.

>>12170378
>Then why did you post to /adv/ asking for help?
I was asking for opinions, and I've gotten them.

Remind me to go back in time and tell my seven year old self to get molested so that I have I a chance of getting some favourable opinions about from anonymous 4chan posters.

>if you want to blame your shortcomings on others, then you'll never move forward.
.........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Are you trolling? If your parents are bad and instill a sense of deep insecurity in you, how is that your fault? I guess when I was still a child I should've developed thicker skin, despite being conditioned by my family to have the opposite.

>>12170349
Actually, scientists are saying that genes may play a large role as a predetermining factor, but a lot of people suffering from mental illness have no family history or known reason to be predisposed to them. We actually haven't learned any all-encompassing cause of depression yet.

research: 1
pseudo-science: 0

>>12170400
>Remind me to go back in time and tell my seven year old self to get molested so that I have I a chance of getting some favourable opinions about from anonymous 4chan posters
Hence forth, you shall be known as Mastertroll.

>>12170349
Even if this were true, why would you hold someone responsible for something they were born wtih?

>>12170414
You miss my point. I didn't come here for sympathy, I came here for opinions. I didn't expect so much hostility though, hence that comment. Just how bad does your childhood have to be for you not to be blamed for the issues you have that arose from it?

>>12169993 (OP)
you're being insecure depressed and have anger issues.

Bro, quit arguing for your limitations. I don't doubt that your gramma had a part in creating who you are. But now that you're a big boy, you need to put on your big boy pants, and stop being a whiny little bitch. Jesus Christ dude, stop blaming other people. YES THEY FUCKING CONTRIBUTED. So what? Get over yourself. Get over your past. Become a man, become who you want to be. Focus yourself now on who you want to be. God.

>>12170407
>epigenetics
You simply cannot nurture something that isn't there by nature.
It's like raising a cat to be able to preform calculus.

>>12170415
It's not a matter of blaming anyone. It's about assessing a condition and treating it. Stopping all of this Oprah "my mommy didn't love me" shit.

>>12170424
People just stop pampering you at some point, as they should. Why do you even want problems? Why do you insist you have them, for whatever reason?
You're not being blamed, well -- I don't blame you, anyway. I'm just saying it won't help to blame anyone, really. There comes a point when it doesn't really matter anymore what anyone did to you in the past. You need to grow up and take your life into your own hands. That's just how it is.
So, to answer your original question
>Am I being unreasonable?
I'm sorry, but ... yes. You are.

people are going to tell you to man the fuck up, and that's just going to make you mad. its true, it's very likely that people dont really understand what youre feeling. even if they did, you'd still feel angry.

but the thing is, how you feel doesn't actually matter. you don't actually matter as a person. it's better to assume that no one in this world really gives a shit about you. you're on your own, and you always will be. other people are treating you like shit? you dont need them.

im not even going to tell you to do anything. im just telling you that you can either start taking responsibility of your own life from now on, or you can just keep being the worthless piece of shit your parents raised you to be. shit that has happened in the past cant change, no matter what. you can complain all you want, and while it may feel good or even justified, it's not going to fix a damn thing.

>>12170400

>favourable opinions

You mean ones where no one blames you for not trying to move on with your life?

If you want to stand still with your life, then that's your prerogative, but don't act like we're not helping you when you don't even want to help yourself.

>>12170221
Pussy's become depressed when their parents neglect and abuse them. Decent people move on and keep doing their shit. I just never had a soft spot for quitters.

>>12170225
That's an interesting point of view, I've never really considered that no stressors at all is almost as bad as too much.

grow the fuck up.