>>8894992
CONT...
2. My relationship with what I thought was the love of my life and my soul mate who I've been with for 2 and a half years and lived with for 2 has ended. (Important info: I've been spending majority of time with Mum 1 and a half hours away from where me and my ex live, since Dad died, she's devastated since they were together almost 50 years). We were fighting a lot last year, even before my Dad died, and a few days ago after yet another argument (about the fact that he took a shift at his casual shelf packing job rather than staying with me when I was by myself in my parent's house wth all my dad's things for 3 days) he said he wanted a breather but still wanted a future with me. I felt it was uncharacteristic of him, and as I was emotionally battered I asked the opinion of those around me and they said they felt he didn't really care, and that I should end it. I did, but said I was happy to negotiate to get back together if he could see that his selfishness in the aforementioned situation (and others) was not acceptable, and that we were able to sit down and talk things through. CONT...

>>8894997
CONT...
3. We spoke on the phone tonight and he basically said that I am emotionally manipulative, and he was unhappy in the relationship for months before he asked for the break. He said he felt I was suffocating him and I was exceptionally clingy and all these other completely heart breaking things - he also said he doesn't know if we can get back together. I sent him a big e-mail after the phone call basically trying to convince him that we were soul mates, etc. He said he needs space and doesn't know how much exactly he needs.

I know this is a lot to read. I just don't know who is right or wrong in the situation with my now ex-boyfriend, but I love him and I have a home and a life with him and the thought that I could be that terrible to have caused this is completely turning my world upside down ON TOP of what has already happened. Also currently doing summer university course (accelerated) in economics. Everything is just way too much.

I feel completely in despair. I can't even look at food when I'm feeling like this (I have lost 7kg in the past 6 weeks). I'm just a mess, honestly. I don't know what to do. Part of me feels that people around me are right and he is an arsehole, and he is just twisting things to justify it - but part of me thinks, god am I really that bad - what have I done. I miss my Dad, and he would know what to say in this situation.

Please just someone tell me things are going to get better, or tell me they've been through something similiar.

Sorry about your dad seems like he was cool. I can understand that you'd feel shitty about loosing him and the stuff surrounding when he went, but you did what you could and respected his wishes. I don't think he would want for you to relive his pain. Think about what you could do to help you find "closure" (regarding the no funeral), like what did you like to do together, his interests, places to go etc.
About your ex, he does seem like an asshole, certainly tho he doesn't love you any more.You have no choise but to let him go. For a while things will be shitty, but quite soon things will begin to get better as you "rebuild" your life. Wish you all the best.

A phrase with the ability to make the happy man sad and the sad man happy. A phrase that always holds true under any circumstance.

"This too shall pass."

Just hold out through the storm. Things will change with time.

>>8895159
>>8895189
Thank you anons... so much.

>>8895211
Hey, we're behind you.

You fucked up. You did the breaking up part. Once you did that and added the "but we can still be together if" it was clear to him that you were indeed a manipulative drama ball. If he was indeed your soul mate you wouldn't have had to bargain to be in a relationship again.

Decide what you want in life. Do you still want him? Do you want to move on? Do yo just want to feel the security of being with someone?

It does seem like a lot at the same time. Maybe your bf decided that he wasn't as connected with you as he thought he was. I was with my gf at the time of her mother's death. The circumstances were very close to yours. It made me realize how important she was to me. Your bf sounds like he's rather selfish, trying to bait you into breaking up so he wouldn't feel bad about it. It's terrible that you don't have the support center you once had. You're going to have to compartmentalize your issues. Your father is gone, but you can be there for your family, and they should be there for you as well. If you want to do something in memory of your father, then do so. I don't know how an entire family doesn't believe in funerals. It's ludicrous. Your career is important, but you haven't lost the last opportunity to continue it. When it rains, it pours. Just hang in there.

Wow I'm really sorry about your dad anon! The loss of a loved one is always hard.

No offense but your bf/exbf seems kinda like a dick. Let me tell you a story about my gf recently.

She's the anxious type and is applying for grad school. It's literally making her go a little crazy writing all the essays. Her parents are fighting non-stop (she lives at home cause it's rent free until she finds a better job). She's been much more clingy recently and likes to bug me a lot more.

Now that you have that brief story - I haven't left her because she's been extra clingy or wants a little more attention right now. She's going through a rough period in her life and needs me to be there for her - which is exactly what I am doing.

If he cannot help you emotionally right now (which you seem you need), then don't even bother with him. Guys can get into a really self-centered state where it's all about them and their feelings - when in reality they need to take a step back and help their significant others for a change.

Hang in there anon! As another anon said "This too shall pass". May I also add "Fake it until you make it". Usually how you feel is a direct result of what you do. Start dressing up slick, go out with friends, and try your hardest to move on from this dark point in your life. Good luck!

>>8895236
Your troll-fu is weak.

Also, sorry for your loss, OP.

>>8895233
I in no way wanted to break up with him, but he pretty much said he didn't want to see me, or talk to me, and didn't know how long it would be till he did - whilst saying that he saw a future with me. I found it bizarre, and couldn't deal with being left up in the air like that.

>>8895235
That is my main fault with him: his selfishness. It is visible to everyone but himself. I would of thought it would bring us closer together, too. I'm sorry for your girlfriend's loss too :(

>>8895244
Thank you so much for your perspective Anon. You had the post above you seem like amazing guys who are really supportive and understanding. I had a bit of a break down after my conversation with him on the phone because I thought - god if I'm that bad, then how will I ever have a proper relationship in the future?

I basically just sent him one last e-mail saying I felt we shouldn't talk unless absolutely necessary at the moment, that I needed to work things out and if we were meant to be together it would happen. I honestly-truly-deeply-head-over-heels-would-do-anything-for-him love him but I don't know how a relationship could be salvaged now to be honest. I would always be bitter for his lack of care during this time.

Anons, you are amazing, and have given me a little burst of strength that I so desperately needed.

>>8895286
Anytime! I know you'll be ok!

I used to be a self centered asshole when I was younger, and it took a few breakups to understand that it wasn't always about me. I'm a much better person now because of it. Trust me, you're doing him a favor.

Do you have any close friends you can chill with? Sounds like you just need to be around some good company right now who will just listen and/or go out and have some fun.

>>8895317
Funnily enough, his Mum (who treated me like a second daughter, and affectionately called me her daughter in law) said without even knowing why we broke up that she was sorry he hadn't been there for me during this time and that she felt he had a lot to learn about giving unconditionally.

I'm really lucky, because I have a lot of friends that are all keen to hang out and catch up and make me feel better. He has tried to dictate who I can and can't see when it comes to guys (not that I could even begin to look at any other guy in any romantic or sexual sense for a long, long time) and I have told him I will see who I want, when I want.

>>8895330
Wow. By ending it with this asshat now, you just saved yourself years of problems in the future. Good for you!

>>8895343
I think you're probably right. I guess it's better to find out at 19, after 2 and a half years, then at 25 after almost 8.

>>8895330
Seems like insights that will bring positive change. Perhaps you're already beginning to build s better life.

>>8895384
I will always owe my positivity today to you Anon, (and the other Anons, of course). I am going to go house shopping this week, get a haircut, work out and generally just aim to be happy.

>>8895411
Anons cure common cold.
You're welcome.